An angry Scotsman finds himself in Equestria

Chapters

UM, why am I HERE?!?!?!
Welp, I killed her, I hope...
The Neurotic Purple Bitch

UM, why am I HERE?!?!?!

Scotland, 2:32 AM

A human lived in a small town; it had a few houses here and there, and had a concrete road connecting it to the rest of the country. Thankfully, he had phone and internet service, as well as cable.

His house was 2 stories tall, and his room was on the last floor. His door was opened, 4 cats could be seen inside, and the boy himself. He was sitting on his chair, playing videogames and chatting with his online friends.

“Oh c’mon. are ya shittin’ me?!” He wailed, mourning the loss of his farm and cursing the existence of creepers.

“What’s wrong? I heard an explosion near my house” Said a female voice through the boy’s headphones.

“Oh, nothing really Brandy, JUST THAT A MOTHER FUCKING CREEPER JUST BLEW UP A FARM, no biggie” He exclaimed, slightly enraged, just a little.

“Did It destroy my automatic farm, I swear if…” Another voice came through, this one male.

“I think he meant the farm he and Dom share, besides your farm is underground Tailo” A squeaky male voice interrupted. “Where is he anyways? He hasn’t been on for like a month or so” he asked.

“Ugh, he said he finally made it to his uncle’s house, last I heard of him he was going to a convention with the German guy or something, lucky bastards” He said explained to his friends.

“Who?” Asked the only girl in the group.

“Remember when he introduced us to Kami?” The Scotsman answered.

“Oh yeaaah, the other brony, NOW I remember” Said the squeaker.

“Don’t remind me…”

“What, are bronies too Manly for you?” Brandy teased the poor boy, reminding him of that horrible day she introduced him to a certain video.

“Brandy, one, more, word, and I’ll burn yer god dam house down” He said forcefully.

“What are we even talking about anymore, weren’t we talking about cre..” Tailo tried to say, but was cutoff, again.

“Chill out man, she’s just joking. What do you have against bronies anyway?” Asked Squeaky Mac Squeaker.

“Well, I don’t have anything against bronies, besides the fact they like that horsefuckery show, as long as they don’t rub it in my face-”*cough* “-Brandy-” *cough* “-I don’t care” He tried to reason.

“But, it’s a good show! I know people don’t like it, but you can’t hate it just because!”… still squeaking.

“AND I DON’T JACOB, I have my reasons! The ponies are WAY too happy for their own good, the plot makes NO SENSE, and it was made for LITTLE GIRLS.” He then added “AND THEY ARE FUCKING TALKING HORSES” The anger beckoned him to get his flint and steel out.

“Makes sense” Tailo, finally, said.

“Aye”

“Says the guy whose country’s animal is a unicorn…” Brandy muttered.

“WHY YOU LITTLE-” *MEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW* “-SHUTUP CAAAHHGGTS!”

“Jeez, are you killing them or something? that was loud!” “How many are in your room?! That sounded horrible!” “Your country’s animal is the unico…?-” All tried to ask at once, before the connection flattered, and his internet went out.

“I swear… IF ANY OF YE BLOODY ANIMALS MESSED WITH MY CABL-” He tried to say while standing up, before he cut his sentence short when gazing upon a small but bright purple light in the middle of his room.

*HISSSSSSSSSSS* *MEEEERRRROWWWWWW* “… what in the actual fuck…?” He managed to say, despite the angered cats in his room, confused of the situation before them.

Then the purple light started to get bigger, and shine brighter. At this, the cats bolted for the door, survival instincts telling them to get as far away from the foreign object. The boy wasn’t soo smart, and stood before it, bathing in the light.

The gravity beneath his feet started to shift as he started to rise towards the light, a few other objects following suit.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING OOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARHHGHHHHGGG” He started to yell, before he let out a blood-curling scream as he vanished through a swirling, purple, hole.

Ponyville, Equestria

It was late at night, everything was quiet, the streets empty, and all houses had their lights off. Almost everypony was already asleep, almost everypony. The town library, basically a tree with it’s insides carved out to make room for the knowledge within, had a small, flickering light. It all seemed like the town librarian was just doing some late-night studying. This was, until, a bright flash filled the library, followed by whatever light source that illuminated the place disappearing.

Inside the library

Three figures could be seen in the library, one baby dragon and two unicorns. The first two were the town librarian and her dragon assistant. She was lying, unconscious, on the wooden floor, while the drake was rubbing his head, nursing his headache. The third pony, however, was just standing on all fours, looking towards the librarian, with his pupils like pinpricks, and his eye was twitching.

The small dragon looked up, and when he noticed the other pony in the room, his eyes widened. “…Who ar…” and that is as much as he could muster, for the other pony trotted towards the helpless unicorn lying on the ground, and started kicking her.

Startled, the drake wasted no time and charged as he tried to defend his friend. “You get away from TwiliaaAHHHH” The unicorn reacted and picked the drake up with his telekinesis, throwing him towards the pony on the ground, face first into her backside.

The sudden contact made the librarian wake up and jump. The drake and her stared at each other, before a deep blush formed on their faces. Then they both look towards the other unicorn in the room, bearing expressions of rage and curiosity respectively.

They could finally see this strange colt and look at his appearance. His coat was a deep blue, hard to see in the dark but enough to be noticeable. His mane and tail where dark brown, a red streak running across his mane, while his tail had the same red at it’s longest tip. He was wearing a dark green “Tam o' Shanter”, and a small black watch at his left front hoof. Then they stared at his blue eyes, both where narrowed and looking right at them. Then he proceeded to dance.

The colt stood on his two hind legs, raised his front hooves, and biting his lower lip he began humping the air before him.

Stunned by the situation before them, both the drake her friend could do nothing but watch the weird colt before them, a blush slowly forming on the librarian. After some time, she finally snapped and screamed at the top of her lungs “ENOUGH”, casting a spell at the dancing unicorn. The colt noticed this, and stopped dancing for a brief moment. “FUCK IT” he screamed as well and resumed dancing.

However, the spell hit him the moment after he spoke, and froze him in place. The vulgar words, combined with his current position frozen in place (hooves an inch from his crotch, while biting his lower lip) where enough to trigger something in both the dragon and unicorn, causing them both to faint.

The awkward position the colt was in, without the ability to correct it, caused him to fall face first into the wooden floor. A cracking sound was heard and slowly a small pool of blood started forming around his head.

An eternity later

For what seemed like an eternity, the poor colt was frozen in place, face to the ground, a painful broken muzzle forcing the blood out of his system. When he started feeling lightheaded, he heard the fain sound of someone knocking on the library door. Of course he couldn't move, and the other two in the room where lying against a wall unconscious, making it hard for anypony to answer the door.

Since none could answer, whoever was knocking decided to enter the library. It was another mare, her coat was pristine white, her mane and tail were a beautiful shade of magenta with lots of care and brushing put into them. She entered the library, worried for her friends, for they were supposed to help her early in the morning so she could run her errands more easily.

As the alabaster mare entered the library, she noticed the quietness and the lack of any light source, something was wrong. She went up the stairs, looking at the mess the library was in. Things were toppled over, few papers and books sprawled across the floor. Something was definitely wrong, for her friend wouldn’t be this disorganized. “Twilight? Are you here?” she asked with concern on her voice.

"Um, Twilight? I swear this is making me a little...-" Making it up the second floor, she finally found her friends, and the scene before her. She looked at her friends, both unconscious leaning on the opposite wall of the room. "-...scared.." She noticed the stallion that was lying on the floor, unmoving, with a small pool of blood originating from his face. Her mouth remained open for a few seconds, before she gasped and let out the loudest, bloodcurdling scream at the top of her lungs, and then promptly fainted. The scream reached the ears of the other unconscious beings in the vicinity. The dragon immediately went after the aid of the mare, ignoring the existence of the other pony lying on the floor while his friend tried to gather her bearings.

When she did, she gasped, stared at the unmoving stallion lying on his own blood, and her assistant trying to wake up their friend. She rushed to him while picking him up with her telekinesis, and examined him. His eyes where barely open, but he was breathing and appeared to have broken his muzzle. She tried to say something reassuring to him, but those words fell on deaf ears, for he was too tired to keep himself awake, and fell to sleep.

Author's Note

Soooo yeah, this will exist. This is basically going to be a story to muck around with, learn some new techniques and practice my writing skills, as well as getting your feedback on it and mature as an author for bigger projects.

Any and all sorts of criticism is appreciated, and I’m not kidding, if you are a hater feel free to hate? Who am I to take your liberty of spreading hatred?

Welp, I killed her, I hope...

Ponyville’s Hospital, Afternoon

The town’s hospital, a large building out in the open fields with only a small dirt path that leads it back towards the ponies. At first glance, it could be mistaken for a mansion with a quaint touch to it. However, the fact that the hospital’s cross could be found in both the building itself, and on a giant polished marble slab out on the front, made sure that everypony knew this was a medical facility.

Inside the building itself, doctors and nurses could be seen working their shifts. A particular mare was trotting towards her strange patient’s room. Her coat was pristine white, her mane and tail where both a light pink, while her eyes where light blue. She was also wearing a nurse-cap with the hospitals symbol on it, a white cross with 4 pink hearts around it.

Going through the hospital’s reception, ponies of about every kind where sitting within the vicinity. Some were injured, others sick and a few were just visiting their loved ones, but a peculiar couple caught the mare’s eye. They were the town’s librarian, Twilight Sparkle, and her pegasus friend, Rainbow Dash, also the town’s main weather pony. Both seemed to have a heated argument regarding her patient.

“I’m telling you Twilight, if anypony thinks they can hurt my friends and get away with it, they deserve a beatdown!” The rainbow maned mare exclaimed, getting some stares thus making the purple pony blush slightly in embarrassment.

“Calm down Rainbow, we don’t know him, and for all we know he probably acted that way because he was scared and confused about the situation, we can’t judge somepony without the full story!” The unicorn tried to reason with her friend. “Besides, aren’t you exited!? I mean, if the spell I was making actually worked, he could be from another universe, a different equestria!-” *SQUEE* “-Just imagine the possibilities!” She said trailing off. Noticing this, she finally added “Look Dash, I just don’t want you to hurt him the moment you see him, please?”

The nurse knew about his patient’s story. Apparently he is some sort of being from another world that got pulled in with the librarian’s spell. He then immediately assaulted the poor mare, then procedded to dance, and before he could do anything else he was frozen by the librarian and fell face first on the floor, breaking his muzzle.

Now, anypony would think this is complete nonsense and that the mare was crazy, but if you had lived in ponyville for as long as her, you’d get used to nonsense on a daily basis.

“Fine! I’ll behave as long as HE does” She finally complied. “BUT, the moment I see him laying a hoof on any of our friends, he better get ready for some major flank-kicking!”

“I rather you didn’t, since he is already here and we got enough patients as it is” The white mare interrupted their conversation. And before the pegasus can make her retort she informed them “Besides, he should be awake by now, so I’m going to check on him”

“Hey, Nurse Redheart? Can I come with you? I’d like to check on him as well” Twilight stood up as she said this, ready to follow the white mare.

“Not until I make sure he is awake, but don’t worry, the moment he does I’ll come get you” The nurse said as she went on her way to meet the strange unicorn, leaving the purple mare disappointed on her seat.

As she entered the colt’s room, she noticed he was still asleep. Inspecting him closer she took in his blank, blue flank. Most, if not all ponies, earn their cutiemarks during their childhood. Hence WHY this was strange for her, since she was sure this unicorn was already a teenager.

She turned around ready to leave, however a slight, irritated, whisper stopped her before she left the room. Turning back to look at the colt, her assumptions where true, he now laid wide awake. He simply stared at the ceiling, not even bothering to look back at her, which worried her.

She stared at him for an uncomfortable moment, before she forced a smile and addressed him. “Um, good morning and welcome to ponyville’s hospital, I don’t believe we have introduced ourselves” She pointed to herself “I’m Nurse Redheart, and I’m here to help you, uh, mister…?”

As she allowed the question to linger in the air and register in his head, the colt finally turned his head towards the mare. “What happened to that purple bitch” “I wanna dig her brain out with a spoon”

The nurse visibly flinched at the insult, but regained her composure and answered. “Miss Sparkle is quite alright, in fact! She wanted me to let her know the moment you recover from your…accident, I’ll tell her right away!” If anypony were to ask her where she wanted to be, ‘here’ was last on the list. As she turned around to leave the room, the unicorn exclaimed “Oi! Unstrap me first!”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, I’ve been told you can be… violent” ‘and vulgar’ she mentally added. She knew there was a good reason she was advised to strap the colt in the first place, and she wasn’t regretting it.

“And where is the evidence that I’m violent? Like, she FROZE me because I was DANCING, then… uh… something happened and my nose started bleeding. Then I woke up here, how am ‘I’ violent?!” He replied indignantly.

The mare opened her mouth to argue, but as she did the thought of staying here any longer than she should have penetrated her mind. So she shook her head, and left the colt alone, strapped to a bed, and angry.

Before long, the purple unicorn snuck her head through the door. She seemed relieved the colt was alright, and at the same time terrified of what he might do. She tried her best smile on and said cheerfully “Hello there, my name is Twilight Sparkle! What’s your name?”

“None of yer business” The colt said simply.

Flinching, as if the mere unfriendliness of the unicorn had physically struck her, the mare drops her smile a little. She insists however “And why is that?”

“None. Of. Yer. Business” the unicorn says, more irritated than before

At this, Twilight hangs her head. She knows he must be feeling bad, if her spell did what she think it did, then he probably got ripped from his home, family and friends, and it was her fault. “Look, I know you must feel confused, angry, scared even-” She raises her head and stares at his deep, blue eyes “-But trust me when I say this, it’s going to be a lot easier if you cooperate with me”

She looks at him expectantly. He closes his eyes and says:

“Nah”

Before Twilight can speak, he adds “I don’t plan to cooperate unless I’m released from this bloody thing” Her eyes light up “Until then, I’m not talking”

She pondered this, even if he tried anything she could cast another spell at him to neutralize him like last time, so she saw no harm in letting him free. After all, he is just a pony, right?

She undid the straps bounding him to the hard, medical bed. As he stood up, he ignored the unicorn completely and went a locker, where most of his stuff was located. There was his trusty Tam o’ Shanter, his black shades, and a wrist watch. It wasn’t much, but it was his.

As he turns around to leave through the door, the purple mare stops him in his tracks. He almost forgot her, he really wished she wasn’t there, but she was, indeed, there. “I’m not telling you my name, but I might answer something else, MIGHT” she audibly squees, “Sooo, what’s yer first question?”

Unfortunately, this released an unstoppable barrage of questions, and before he could answer one, another question popped up. Before long he just let her ramble, this was, until, a rainbow blur sped past the purple mare and clashed with the poor colt.

When he opened his eyes he was met with magenta colored eyes staring back at him. “Listen up, that mare you just talked to? She is one of my closest friends, and if you ever think of harming a single hair on her mane again, I will end you!”

At this, the colt simply stared at her, he then leaned in closer to her face. The pegasus, sure she would manage to intimidate the unicorn, was too confused to react. His face leaned in closer, moving a little to the side. His breath could be felt on her fur, slightly tickling her as he got closer. She had no idea what was going on, and before she could react, he did something she would have never expected.

As his mouth hovered over her left ear, he stated simply, one, word:

“Bitch”

“…”

“Ok, that’s IT, YOU ARE GOING DOWN PUNK!” She screamed at the colt before she lunged herself towards him. She let out a loud battle cry, until the unicorn simply ducked and let the enraged pegasus crash against the closed window, then through it, and end up sprawled on the grass outside. Glass shards where sticking out of her body, and a small pool of blood started forming all around her. Not a moment later, the hospital’s crew of nurses and doctors rushed outside and quickly got her some medical attention.

The lucky colt rises from the floor, looks towards the window and trots towards it. He looked down right before the medical ponies took the bloodied pony’s body back to the building, occasionally groaning in protest. He smiled at his good work and hoped for the best, or worse for the rainbow maned mare. “I think I killed her, bitch deserved it…” he then trotted towards the exit of his room.

The Neurotic Purple Bitch

Ponyville's Hospital, Afternoon

As he exited his room, he noticed a slightly enraged unicorn mare staring at him from across the hallway, “Wait, what? When did you leave, and where were you?!” She asked him, clearly worried about what he might have done.

“I left a moment ago to explore,” he answered simply. She wasn’t fully convinced due to his odd behavior, but everything so far about him is weird so she let it slide.

“Well, WARN me next time, we have a deal, remember?” The mare scolded him with a pout, she really needed his cooperation.

“The ‘deal’ was I would answer yer questions, ye never said I couldn’t explore,” the colt answered, trying to gain leverage on the argument.

“Don’t wander off while I’m asking them then!” She retorted, getting angry herself at the situation.

“Eh… but ye were not allowing me to answer any of ‘em!” She slumped a little. “So I got bored and explored,” and then he walked past her, trying not to trip in his new form of locomotion and very eager to get out of the hospital, “so maybe…slow down when asking ‘em?”

At his flawless logic, Twilight could do nothing but comply and trot along, “well, why didn’t you say so? Let’s start over,” she faced him with a friendly face, “First, where you a unicorn back in your Equestria?”

The colt simply stared at her before promptly asking, “… where?” To this the unicorn mare rolled her eyes, thinking he was joking.

“You know, Equestria! The name of our land?” She responded, assuming the colt came from a world like hers.

“Uh…What are ye talking aboot?”

Twilight looked at him quizzically, “Then… where exactly did you come from?”

“Is that even a question? I’m from the country called Scotland!”

“Scotland?! Where in Equestria is that?!” The mare felt like she was losing her mind thanks to this colt. “Where and WHAT is Equestria!?” The colt asked agitated, getting both angry and frustrated at his predicament.

This was, apparently, too much for the unicorn, “ITS WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW, HOW can you NOT know where you ARE!?” She practically screamed at the other unicorn, then she stopped herself realizing that she pulled him from another world, and rested her hoof on her face as she apologized, “sorry, it’s just that… that… I’m not used to this sort of thing.”

Noting her obvious discomfort and sad tone, he decided to ask somewhat gently, “what sort of thing?”

“Oh you know, talking to ponies from another world… ehehehe..eh,” she attempted for small humor to lighten the mood as the navy blue unicorn stared at her. The gears in his brain where grinding to form a coherent, calm response, “… so that’s what I am. I thought I was insane. But noooo, I’m perfectly fine! I’m just going to find the nearest third story window and jump for fun! BECAUSE IT’S NOT EVERYDAY YE BECOME A BLOODEH ANIMAL!!!” He finished very calmly.

Twilight was too shocked to respond, his blue eyes clashing with her magenta irises in a stare that lasted far too long. Her face was contorted in confusion and a small hint of horror while his seemed emotionless, blank even. In the time this contest took place, neither of them moving nor blinking, her head was attempting to process the information while the reality of the situation sank deep within her being. After much needed thought, she responded in an equally calm tone, “… HEY! What do you mean ‘Become an animal’?!”

Unflinching despite her more than indignant and confused tone, the Scotsman answered, “well I was a human, so WHY am I here?”

The librarian took note of his declaration, acknowledging that not only did she pull another being from a world unlike her own, but also the fact that this individual wasn’t a pony to begin with. This opened up so many questions, but this was not the time ask them, so she answered his instead, “… well… I was messing with some spells of a few scrolls I found, and erm, I kinda maybe took something out of another world and brought it here,” she said sheepishly, and mentally added that something being you…

“So basically you stole me,” he deadpanned.

“...ehehehehehe....” she laughed nervously, and then brightened up slightly, “but it’s nothing I can’t fix! I’ll try and see if I can find you a way back, but in the meantime…”

I will burn everything, if I don’t get home, “… in the meantime…?” The colt asked.

“I get to know more about a whole new world, just picture it! New cultures, new creatures, new MAGIC! I can’t wait!!” She almost purred out the word magic, more than excited of learning wha-

“Magic isn’t real.”

“…” And her excitement burst like a delicate soap bubble in a field of thorns on a thundering and windy storm. If it wasn’t clear to the navy unicorn standing in front of her how incredulous she was, she tried to question him again, hoping against hope her ears had betrayed her and heard wrong, “… what… what did you say…?”

Rolling his eyes, he gave her a far more detailed and deeply meaningful response, “magic isn’t real. Well, at least not where I’m from.”

“B-b-but t-that’s IMPOSSIBLE! YOU are not possible! T-this doesn’t make se-” As the mare, whose special talent is “Magic” itself, continued her major freak-out, the poor Scotsman was once again unsure of what to do, what to think even.

He simply settled for I think I blew her head up, and tried to get Twilight’s attention, “what?”

Feeling ignored, he got annoyed at the lack of productivity of talking to the oblivious, blubbering purple unicorn, and shouted as loud as his new throat allowed, “I’M JUST GOING TO LEAVE, erm, I’LL BE OUT EXPLORING!!!”

As he was once again unnoticed by her, but not by the rest within the vicinity, he went outside and wandered around in the hopes of finding something EVIL