Being Derpy

by Caesar Orzell 600

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Other, Derpy Hooves
Length: 1829

Derpy has made many mistakes in her life. Now, with the help of a truly odd therapist, she goes back in time to redo some of them. Will this improve Derpy's life or not?

Derpy has an interesting life. Every time she attempts to do something, she messes it up. One day, her life was absolutely awful. She lost her job, her date that she had planned got canceled, and then she accidentally ate a muffin that she was allergic to. Then, at the hospital, she meets a strange so-called therapist named Doctor Tom. He tells her that he can help her fix her past mistakes.
What could possibly go wrong?
(This story is heavily based off the amazing Canadian TV series called Being Erica.)

Published 2015-03-26 01:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-26 01:30:02 UTC

The First Session

Crash! The sound of a million glasses being broke resonated through the crisp winter air.

Derpy couldn't help but blush.

"Uh... oops?"

"That's ENOUGH!" he bellowed. "I've had it with your breaking things on accident!" He flew quickly around Derpy, making her dizzy. "I just don't know what went wrong!" he mimicked. "You're FIRED!"

Derpy's wall eyes softened with tears and her ears and wings drooped.

"O-okay...I-if you say so." her voice cracked with sadness. She ended up flying to the ground to take a walk.

At least I still have a date for today, she thought, brightening up. Yeah, with Cherry Fizzy!

Derpy stopped by her house on the way to town. To her delight, there was a letter waiting in her mailbox.

"Oh goody, she cheered. "I wonder who it's from?" She opened the note. "Aaaaand it's from Cherry Fizzy! What for?"

Derpy grinned as she thought about it. "A change of plans, perhaps? Hey, maybe we're eating at the muffin bakery instead?"

She couldn't help but squeal.

"Dear Derpy..." she began.

But as she continued reading, the smile that was plastered on her face began to disappear.

"What? No!" she whimpered. "It can't be!"

Het wall eyes became even more crossed.

"THE DATE IS CANCELLED!!!" she screamed.

A nearby neighbor shut their window with a clang.

Derpy felt like her world was ending. She had been looking forward to this date for a while. Now she had lost her job and her date. But yet, she wanted to remain a little optimistic. Because when she was depressed, she would eat muffins. All kinds of muffins...well, except ones with nuts in them.

Derpy flew as fast as she could to Sugarcube Corner.

"Hi! I would like a dozen muffins!" she yelled as she barged into the shop.

Suddenly, Derpy stopped flying and landed on the ground clumsily.

"Hi there Derpy,"said Mr. Carrot Cake. "Would you like to try our latest flavor?"

Derpy's face brightened. "A new muffin? I'd love too!"

Mr. Cake handed her the newest flavor and Derpy dug in.

She was savoring the flavor of oats and bananas in he mouth, and...

Wait. Something felt off.

"Does...does this have nuts in it?"

Mr. Cake chuckled. "Yes, Derpy. That's why we call it the banana nut muffin!" he looked a little concerned.

"Uh oh." Derpy then fainted.

The next thing she knew, Derpy was in the hospital.

"Is this...the hospital?" she asked to who she thought was nopony.

"Yes. Yes, you are."

Derpy looked to where the sound was coming from.

A professionally-dressed unicorn stallion was standing in her hospital room.

"My name is Doctor Tom. It looks like your life has been quite overwhelming lately. If you ever need me, please visit my office at any time."

He magicked a card over to her, and Derpy studied it. It read: Doctor Tom-the best therapist you'll ever need.

"Um...do I ever really need a therapist?" she asked. But when she looked back, he was gone.

"Huh?" Derpy was even more confused.

Where'd he go, she thought. And why would I need a therapist, of all things?

Her life wasn't great, sure, but it wasn't that bad. And if she needed a therapist, just because she had weird eyes, then...then what?

Derpy was back at square one. She reached over to put the card in her saddle bag that was with her before the incident, and luckily she didn't knock it down on accident.

Derpy noticed the badge that was on her bag. EPS. Equestria Postal Service.

Her eyes welled up.

"Miss Derpy Hooves?" Nurse Redheart walked onto the scene. "You've been dispatched. That means you can go home."

Derpy got up, removed her hospital gown, and wobbly got out of bed.

The nurse giggled. "You'll also need this."

She gestured to a wheel chair that was on the ground.

"Also, your parents are waiting for you outside."

Derpy gulped. She was not on good terms with her parents. She, against her own will, hopped into the wheelchair and the nurse rolled her outside.

There stood her parents, sister, and her sister's boyfriend.

Her mother, Violet Swirl, stood there crying her eyes out. Her light mulberry-colored mane was messy and her light blue eyes were turning puffy and red. Her father, Postage Stamp, just looked slightly concerned. Amethyst Star, Derpy's sister, was arguing with her boyfriend Noteworthy.

"Umm...hi everyone!" Derpy wanted to remain at least a little cheerful. She didn't want to tell everypony yet that she had lost her job.

All of a sudden, Derpy woke up and she was in her house. Huh?

"Wakey wakey, Derpy Hooves!" Derpy's mom's face was right beside hers. "Dinner's ready! Aren't you hungry?"

"Yes..." Derpy groaned. She got up and slowly walked into the dining room.

"What's for dinner?" asked Noteworthy rudely. "Gee, I hope it's pizza!"

The house's owner rolled her eyes. Then, she realized something.

"Whoa, wait Mom! you made us dinner at my house?"

"Yeah. I got ingredients from the store on the way home, when you were passed out. Also, it's oat salad."

Noteworthy groaned. "Aw, man!"

She wasn't even there for a minute and Derpy already wanted to leave.

Once her mom set her bowl down on the table, she scarfed it down.

"So Derpy," her dad said. "How are you doing?"

Derpy made a scrunched face. "Uh...um...I got fired from my job."

"WHAT!?" her family said in perfect unison except for Noteworthy.

"How?" asked her mom.

"I-I was too clumsy and I broke some glass stuff?"

"Oh, Derpy Do...poor thing!"

Derpy flinched and away from the table, and her family, and into her bedroom...

...Or was it? She looked around and all she saw was books.

"Where am I?"

"Welcome, Derpy." A voice said behind her.

Derpy turned around.

There he was again! The stallion! But this time he was looking quite professional.

"Tom...?"

"Yes. And I have a question: why did you run away?"

"Huh? Oh. Simple! Because it was too awkward and I don't like Noteworthy."

"It seems you have had a lot of awkward things before."

Derpy nodded. "Uh-huh! A lot of accidents and regrets."

Doctor Tom smiled. "Why don't you write them down for me?"

"O-okay. But be warned. There's a lot."

The stallion looked prepared as he magicked Derpy a small, red notebook.

"Okay, let's see..." Derpy murmured while she started to write.

And she wrote.

And wrote.

And wrote.
As she was writing, the therapist doctor person was talking about making some commitment. Derpy didn't say much about this because she was too concentrated on writing.

And then she was finally done.

"Alright..." Tom said. "Tell me about...ruining the town hall."

Derpy's mouth gaped open a little, like she was starting to relive the moment, bit by bit.

"Well...it was about two years ago. I was helping Rainbow Dash, setting up for the Ponyville send-off when I accidentally bumped into the town hall building, ruining it and the banner. After that, I never lived that down."

Doctor Tom nodded, as if he was understanding exactly what was the matter. "And what would you do differently if you could go back in time to fix that mistake?"

"I wouldn't wreck the town hall, obviously!" Derpy smiled a crooked smile.

"We'll see about that." Doctor Tom smirked back.

All of a sudden, Derpy felt herself spinning around. Her vision was a blur.

Then, she found herself standing on top of a cloud.

She still felt dizzy, of course. But the real question was: where was she?

"Now, careful Derpy!" she heard a voice calling on the left side of her.

"You don't wanna do any more damage than you've already done."

Just like that, Rainbow Dash next to the cloud in which she was on top of, speaking to her.

Derpy blinked and looked right in the mare's moderate cerise eyes. Somehow, she already knew what was going to happen.

"I just don't know what went wrong," she mumbled.

Suddenly, Derpy felt a small amount of hope inside her. The reason why she was here again was because Doctor Tom had sent her back in time to fix her mistake! However, looking up at the town hall building, it was still severely damaged.

But that was only at the top! And the ponies can fix in a jiffy! It was really no big deal.

Rainbow Dash must have heard her mumble because she replied with sarcasm.

"Yeah. It's a mystery." the rainbow-mane pony said while hammering in a part of the banner with just her hoof.

Alright, Derpy thought confidently, this time I won't mess up the town hall as much!

And that's starting with just standing still this whole time!

A few minutes passed and Derpy suddenly had a great idea.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash! Do you mind if I take a nap? When you're done, you can wake me up."

Rainbow's attention was now turned to Derpy, who had been flying in the same spot for the passed five minutes now.

"Good idea! That way you won't keep messing me up. I gotta make it to the Friendship Express to see Applejack in ten minutes and I don't want you dragging me down."

Derpy nodded, feeling awesome inside. "Cool! Wake me up when you're done!"

She then flew to the same spot where she had arrived only about twenty minutes ago.

"Derpy? Derpy! You awake?"

The mare jolted up. "Ah! Well, I am now!" she grinned, feeling silly. She giggled as her googly eyes rolled around.

"So...whaddaya think?" Rainbow gestured towards the banner that was hung up neatly on the building.

"It looks amazing! Nice work, Rainbow Dash!" Derpy started to jump on the cloud, then remembered what happened last time and stayed put.

"Thanks, Derpy. You were a big help by not doing anything." Rainbow Dash smirked.

"Oh! You're-"

a spinning atmosphere interrupted her.

"-Welcome!" she finished her sentence right as she landed in Doctor Tom's office.

"So...did you learn anything?" he asked, sounding curious.

"Yeah! that if you're clumsy, don't do anything!"

Doctor Tom facehoofed. "Yeah, something like that." He then realized that she should probably go at that moment. "Anyway, off you go."

"Oh. Okay. Bye!" Derpy was now by the door.

"See you next session!" said Tom.

Derpy suddenly stopped. She was in the process of opening the door. "There'll be a next one?"

"Yes. It seems as if you've agreed with me and a made a promise. We're probably not going to get through all of the things on your list, but many of the important ones."

"Wow." Derpy's eyes went as big as they could. "Oh, by the way! That whole commitment thing you were talking about earlier? I'll commit!" She was suddenly filled with a sense of joy and belonging when she made that statement clear.

And she stepped through that door, she went back to her house, ready to face whatever obstacle was hurled at her.