The Pied Piper of Ponyville

by ThatBronyWithGlasses

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 3578

Cheese and Pinkie are planning yet another grand celebration for their friends in Ponyville, but a fiendish faun may ruin everything when he comes to collect an old debt.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-17 14:10:05 UTC

Chapter 1

A long time ago, back when Ponyville was first founded, every pony lived in peace and prosperity. Then, one day, a swarm of vampire fruit bats flew and started to devour the crop. Their entire crop was going to be destroyed. All hope seemed lost until a figure stepped out of the Everfree Forest, cloaked in many colors and carrying a flute. He offered to chase away the bats for a price. Desperate for help, the ponies agreed, and the piper used his mighty instrument to charm the bats and lead them into the forest. When he returned for payment, the ponies refused, saying that it was too much with all the damage they suffered. The piper quickly became angry, and said that if the ponies didn't pay their debt in three days, he would lead their children into the forest, never to be seen again. He blew into his flute, and the children of Ponyville began to follow him into the forest. The ponies went to Princess Celestia for help. She came down from her mighty throne, tracked down the piper, and returned the children to their homes. For his avarice and crimes against pony kind, the piper was banished to the pits of Tartaraus, never to be heard from again.

*Manehatten- Present Day*

The owner of the bank led the cloaked figure down the rows of various safety deposit boxes, all the way to the back, to an old vault covered in cobwebs.

"About time someone showed up to claim this." said the owner, a rotund earth pony, "This vault is the oldest thing in the bank. We actually tried to crack into it, oh, about a hundred years ago, and then again, ten years ago. Something held us back, some kind of enchantment. It's not uncommon to put a protection spell on personal belongings, but this was... different."

They reached the vault, and looked it over.

"200 years" the figure breathed. He pulled out a key and slowly inserted it into the keyhole. Then, he rotated the knob on the turnstile, remembering the exact combination. The locks finally undone, he turned the big wheel and pulled the vault door open.

Inside, which appeared bigger than it should have been, sat a collection of instruments and trinkets. There were enough instruments to fill an orchestra. Accordions, Banjos, Bassoons, Basses, Bells, Cellos, Clarinets, Drums of all shapes and sizes, Flutes, Guitars, Harps, Harpsichords, Harmonicas, Kazoos, Microphones, Oboes, Pianos, Piccolos, Record players with a box of record, Saxophones, Sitars, Speakers, Tambourines, Trombones, Trumpets, Violas, Violins, Xylophones. Also, several gem pendants hung along the wall, and mounds of music sheets all hastily scribbled on piled up in the corner. But the key pieces were several pipes on a pedestal. The kind used for snake charming or bardic melodies, and at the center of those, was a beautifully made Pan Flute. It wasn't overly ornate, but it was perfectly crafted and sturdy. When the cloaked figure grabbed it, it almost hummed with a mystic energy in his hands.

"Well," interrupted the bank manager, clearing his throat, "Since everything seems to be in order, perhaps now is a good time to discuss payment for the rental and usage of this obviously... valuable facility."

"Oh..." said the figure, grinning under his hood, "I already discussed payment with the founder of this fine institution. You could say... I bought if for a song." He laughed evilly and put the Pan Flute to his lips.

....

Ponyville was throwing yet another celebration. Nobody knew exactly why, either. Some said it was Pinkie's Birthday, some said it was the Apple Family Reunion, some said it was just because they could, but the heads of the fair, Pinkie and Cheese, had gone all out. The center of town had become a huge fair ground, full of rides and games for all the ponies to enjoy. There were even speakers rigged everywhere so that they could listen to music while they frolicked. The live entertainment hadn't showed up yet, so Pinkie and Cheese decided to go up to the Sweet Apple Acres to set up the final event, a miniature golf tournament.

"I'm telling you, Pinkie, you cannot have a miniature golf tournament without a bagpipe player!" said Cheese in his usual manic way.

"But where are we going to find someone who can play the bagpipes? Hooves aren't exactly the best for operating one." retorted Pinkie Pie.

The two were so busy arguing that they weren't watching where they were going and bumped into an earth pony pulling a cart.

"Oh, excuse us, sir!" apologized Pinkie to the pony, a fat Earth pony in a disheveled suit. He had an emotionless expression and a glazed over look in his eye.

"Uhh... sir?" she asked, attempting to snap her hoof in his face.

"You'll have to forgive my friend." came a voice from up on the wagon. A bipedal creature in a cloak sat on the cart, chewing a piece of wheat. He had been gently strumming a guitar, humming a song, "He's a little slow on the uptake."

"Heya, stranger!" said Cheese, "Nice to meet you. Coming over for the festival?"

"Oh yeah," said the stranger, "Wouldn't miss it. I hear the whole town's gonna be there."

"HA! They already are! We're just heading out to finish prep on the mini golf tournament." bragged Cheese.

"Well, I'll be!" said the stranger, seemingly impressed, "You two must be some super duper party ponies."

"YOU KNOW IT!" Pinkie and Cheese called out in unison, each jumping onto their hind legs, giving off a cloud of confetti.

"Well, I'll just mosey on in and make myself comfortable. Might even entertain them with a song or two if you two are gonna be long." said the stranger, who proceeded to giddy-up his transporter, and went back to playing his song, The haunting tune slowly faded into the distance as he road away, "When you're rife with devastation, there's a simple explanation, you're a toy maker's creation trapped inside a crystal ball, and whichever way he tilts it, know that we must be resilient..."

Pinkie and Cheese thought nothing of the stranger and his companion, and continued on their merry way.

"...So please children stop your crying, and just sing along with me!" finished the stranger as he reached the center of town. A grand stage had been set up, complete with the speaker system spread throughout town.

Ponies milled around, but began to gather around as the figure took the stage.

"Ladies and gentle colts!" he greeted, "prepare to witness the spectacle of a lifetime!"

He threw off his cloak, revealing a bright and colorful jester's outfit, "My name is Pan! Pan D. Monium, and I'll be your entertainment for this afternoon!"

Pan took out his flute, and began to play it into the mic.

All around town, people heard its dulcet melody, but there was something otherworldly about it. Consciousness began to fade away. Twilight stopped reading, Fluttershy stopped feeding birds, Rarity stopped crafting, Applejack stopped making cider, and Rainbow Dash stopped bragging. All of Ponyville became mesmerized by the sound, mares, stallions, and fillies alike. Even Spike became enthralled. All their pupils widened as they became deaf to all but the sound of the flute.

The denizens slowly trotted toward the source of the music. Soon, town square was absolutely full of practically everyone in Ponyville, from the Cake twins to Granny Smith. Applebloom to Zeccora.

"I do love a captive audience!" joked Pan, "Citizens of Ponyville, two centuries ago, your ancestors went back on a deal they made with me, and, to coin a phrase, it's time to pay the piper, with a couple hundred year's interest. Bring me your valuables! Anything of monetary worth, as well as all of your bits."

"And you," Pan said, pointing to Spike, "You seem like you'd know where to find one, so I'll tell you, bring me a steak, medium rare, with caramelized onions. I've been eating gruel for the last two hundred years, it's time for some real food."

All the treasure and coins in Ponyville began to pile in a heap before Pan, who sat on a comfortable couch Rarity brought him. Gold, jewels, paintings, gems of all calibers. It was actually quite a horde for such a small town. Rarity also brought racks of dresses, which Pan at first dismissed, until he realized that they were covered in jewels as well (little did he know that this was her new couture for Sapphire Shores, and was worth three times the sum of its parts).

When the gathering was done, Pan inspected the horde, rubbing his hands together, "This is perfect! I could do anything with this. A castle... on a private island... with a hot tub! And all of it tax free!"

He noticed that one of the ponies kept bringing him books, a purple alicorn. That sent a shiver down his spine. Pan decided it'd be best to get everything packed up and leave before too long.

The baby dragon tapped on his shoulder. Pan turned around to find Spike presenting him with a plate of... something. It was a pyramid shaped piece of wood, covered in caramel and onions.

Pan face palmed himself, "A stake? Really? Alright, fine, I'll try to be more specific. How about... a porterhouse. Haven't had one of those in years."

Spike left again, and Pan began to load the treasure onto his wagon. He would have had the ponies do it, but they couldn't reach that high.

At that moment, Pinkie and Cheese wandered back into Ponyville.

"I'm telling you, Cheese, my Pinkie Sense says that something is wrong." said Pinkie, oddly concerned.

"Eh, it's probably something minor, like a hydra or something." said Cheese, who was not one to be deterred.

They passed Snips and Snails, who were just standing there, drooling, with blank looks. Nothing new there. Then they passed Derpy, who was dragging a basket full of muffins towards the center of town, probably just taking them to the bake sale... where she bought those very same muffins earlier. Finally, they passed by Trixie, who was being quiet. Pinkie knew something was up from that.

They ran to find Twilight and the gang. They came up on their friend heading back to her castle.

"Twilight, I think something is wrong with some of the p-" Pinkie began. Twilight ignored her. Pinkie trotted ahead of her, "Twilight, I am being serious here, I really thing something is-" Pinkie saw Twilight's expression, it was like she was staring off into space, with eyes that where even bigger than usual.

"Twilight, you ok?" Pinkie asked waving her hoof in front of her friend's face, "Twilight? Twilight! TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! ".  She grabbed Twilight's ear and yelled into it on that final Twilight, but there was no response.

"I don't think she can hear you, Pinkie." said Cheese, his expression struggling to stay happy and upbeat.

"Something is really wrong here, Cheese." said Pinkie with concern, "The ponies seem to be taking stuff to the center of town. Let's investigate."

They followed the zombie like ponies to Town Square, where Pan had just finished loading up and tying up his loot.

"How do they do it in those video games? This gold weighs a TON!" complained Pan, fastening the last bag of bits in. He noticed the two party planners approaching him, "Oh, hey! It's you two. Mind lending a tired Faun a hand-err-hoof?"

"You?", asked Pinkie, "You're the one who did this?"

"What? Who? Me? No, it was another guy. Name of Duh, first name: No." answered Pan sarcastically.

"Oh, well, that's good to hear. Well Pinkie, better go find No D- HEY WAIT A MINUTE!" said Cheese, not getting the joke at first.

"But... why?" asked Pinkie.

"Why this Podunk little village instead of some place like Canterlot?" wondered Pan, "Call it revenge. The citizens of Ponyville promised me a chest full of bits to get rid of their infestation. But, when I cleared them out, they wouldn't pay up, so I took their children as markers, but instead of learning a valuable lesson about keeping your end of the bargain, they called on noble, sweet, Princess Celestia, who in her infinite wisdom, banished me to Tartarus! TARTARUS! I didn't do anything THAT bad."

"Foalnapping is pretty bad." said Pinkie and Cheese in unison.

"SHUT UP! I know!" raged Pan, "Every single time I bring up my being wronged, that's what every pony points out! YES, I know Foalnapping is pretty bad, but it's not like I was going to do anything to them! I was just going to hold them ransom until my demands were- wow, that does sound really bad when I say it out loud..."

Spike tapped on Pan's shoulder again.

Pan spun around, "Did you bring my-"

Pan saw that Spike had Big Mac with him, and Big Mac was towing a house behind him. The shutters opened and a Train Porter looked out. "WHAT THE HAY?!?!" swore the Porter before fainting.

"A porter's house? Really? REALLY? Ok, what's one that could work... how about a... Filet Mignon. Nobody could possibly confuse that with something else.

"As for you two," said the piper turning to Pinkie and Cheese, "unless you want to end up zombies like the rest of this town, I suggest leaving. And don't even think about reporting to Princess Celestia."

Pan ordered Bulk Biceps to "escort" them out. That consisted of Bulk going "YEAH" and hurling them like a discus.

They landed in the pond with a great splash. Trotting out of it, both wore saddened looks on their face. Pinkie's hair had even gone flat.

"Our friends..." Pinkie sobbed, "Brainwashed and stolen from by a... by a..."

"Greedy, old, goat man?" finished Cheese.

"Exactly!" said Pinkie.

"Why don't we just go get Princess Celestia?" asked Cheese.

"He was able to control Twilight who's an alicorn, who's to say that he wouldn't be expecting Celestia and do the same to her?" said Pinkie.

"Well, aren't you friends with Discord, I'm sure he'd be immune to it."

"Good luck getting in contact with him. Nobody knows where he goes off to."

"Well," said Cheese, putting a grin on his face again, "I guess we'll just have to do it ourselves."

"But how?" asked Pinkie.

"Well what'd do we have that he doesn't?"

"The ability to break the fourth wall?"

"No, pretty sure he has that too, I mean we are one thing that he can't possibly be on his own."

Realization dawned on Pinkie's face, her hair re-inflated, her expression became resolute, "Come on, Cheese, we have Fools to make"

*several hours later*

Pan was in Twilight's castle attempting to pocket a few more valuables. He was currently trying to pry some gems off the ceiling with a dagger.

Zombie Spike entered the room, and tapped on the ladder. It shook Pan so much that he toppled over into a pile of books. He looked rather angered by the experience. "This better be good." he said through gritted teeth as he got up and dusted himself off..

Spike was holding a covered dish. Pan actually became excited, "Is that really..." he started to drool.

Spike took off the cover to reveal... Silver Spoon.

Pan went red, and looked like he was about to blow a fuse, "OH FOR PETE'S SAKE! You know what, I don't even care about the TV Y rating." Pan raged, putting the dagger in Spike's hand.

"OK, Dragon boy, I'm going to be very clear about this. I want you to take that dagger, find a cow, and-"

"PANDEMONIUM!" shouted Pinkie into the hall, interrupting Pan, who was visibly affected by the yelling, as if a gust of wind had hit him.

"It's Pan D. Monium, my dear." He corrected, straightening out his attire, "I used to call myself Pandemonium, but for some reason, people thought I was a Panda."

"Well, Pan, I come here with a simple challenge." said Pinkie, "If you win, you keep all the treasure you've taken. If you lose, you release everyone from your spell and leave without any of it."

"HA! What challenge could a little pink pony like you possibly come up with?" said Pan, turning around to pick up his gems.

"Cheese and I challenge you... TO A GOOF OFF!" shouted Pinkie dramatically.

Pan stopped mid-pickup. He turned around to Pinkie, "A goof off? Lady, you do not know goof offs. I invented goof offs."

Pinkie smiled, "Well, then prove it! You against Cheese and I. No judges, just pure endurance."

Pan half glared, half smirked, "Oh, you want it, you got it, sister! I am Pan: the immortal bard! You'd be hard pressed to find a match for me!"

They met at the center of town, the sun was just reaching noon. Each party had a wagon full of stuff. Pinkie and Cheese had costumes and tricks in their wagon, Pan took off the hay to reveal the menagerie of instruments in his.

"Ha!" said cheese, flexing his Accordion, "The poor sap doesn't even have any costume!"

"That's what you think..." called back Pan, spinning around in his couture. When he stopped, he was dressed in a white leisure suit with a black pompadour and sunglasses. "Thank you, thank you very much!" he said in a weird country accent.

The two ponies looked at each other and smiled defiantly.

What came next was a show of pure delight and amazement. To try and describe it here, would scarcely cover it, but I'll try.

Pan started it off by going back into his rendition of Gypsy Bard, before Cheese and Pinkie interrupted, singing how it was great to be different, then dove right into Carrot Top. Pan cut them off with some fast rhymes about a desert island. Cheese and Pinkie then began a line from Magic as the audience and trixie, careful to censor certain words. All of the sudden, all light seemed to fade from the world, a great spotlight flashed on Pan, now dressed in a white suit with a rainbow wig, holding the microphone with both hands. He began Luna's Lullaby, and Cheese and Pinkie both started crying, just before kicking Pan out and starting up the Cheerily song. Cheese was singing in a school boy outfit while Pinkie pretending blush in a Cheerily wig.

And that is how it continued for who knows how long. Pan nearly shook the auditorium apart rocking out Discord on his "seismic bass", Cheese rapped with the best of them for Nightmare Night, and Pinkie, in a flourish of fanservice that only a fan would think of, sang Pinkie's Brew.

As the contest wore on, Pan began to have something he hadn't in a long time... Fun. He also began to tire. He thought they were finished at their version of It'll Be Ok, but the spastic ponies had a lot more energy in them, and Pan was rusty.

"Don't miiiiiiiiine at ni-night..." pan collapsed. He lost, his flute fell from his pocket and slid across the floor.

Pan got up, breathing heavily, "*gasp* I haven't done that much performing *gasp* since Princess Platinum's Cutesinera. You two are alright."

Pinkie picked up the flute, "So you're going to return the loot and turn everyone back to normal?"

Pan smirked, "Not quite. I can't leave empty handed, now, can I? Now, give me the flute before I get ugly."

Pinkie quivered, "But you promised!"

"Ah" grinned Pan evily, "but did I Pinkie Promise?"

Pinkie was about to go berserk, but stopped, as Pan had a point.

"Princess Celestia!" interjected Cheese.

"THAT MANIACAL MATRIARCH CAN KISS MY-"

Pan had been backing up while he ranted, and backed into something as tall as he was... With a white coat... And a horn, judging by his hat tilting forward.

Pan slowly turned around to face the anger and fury that currently occupied the newcomer's face.

"C-c-c-celestia!" stammered Pan.

"We sent a letter to her to meet us once you were disarmed." said Pinkie.

"That is postal service," joked Pan weakly.

He immediately threw himself at Celestia's, groveling, "PLEASE DONT SEND ME BACK TO TARTARUS! ANYWHERE ELSE! The moon, your statue garden, tundra, just not Tartarus!" he was visibly shaken.

This disturbed Celestia. She knew something was wrong. Tartarus is a prison, but it's not supposed to torture.

She sighed, "Look, do you know what you did was wrong?"

Pan nodded.

"Will you ever use your powers for ill again?"

Pan shook his head.

"Then I shall do this: I have extended this mercy to others, and I shall give it to you as well. You may become a part of the community, and have your crimes absolved. This is a one time offer. Should you go back to your greedy and vile ways, you will immediately return to Tartarus. Also, until you prove trustworthy, your flute stays locked up." decreed Celestia.

"Now, about today's misdemeanor " she began. Pan about had a heart attack. "For your transgressions today, you must... Help out this fair." she finished.

The goods were returned and the ponies woken up. Everyone was a little confused, but it was quickly explained away. The day proceeded as planned, ending with the mini golf tourney. And there, standing on a hill, serenading the whole activity via bagpipe, was Pan in a kilt.