As Hot As Pepper Sauce

by saloony78

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Big Macintosh, Random
Length: 1088

Is Rainbow Dash too awesome for romance? Duh.

Rainbow Dash wants a hot stallion.

That's about it, really.

A speed-dating fic with Rainbow Dash.

Published 2015-10-04 03:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-04 03:50:02 UTC

Rainbow Dash

Call it an indolence, but Rainbow Dash loved drowsing on her fluffy clouds. It's just nice to chill out once in a while. Not like Twilight or Applejack or Rarity. Probably much too busy for any awesome naps. She blew a raspberry. Everyday is a fine day. Except for when there is not anything to do. Like right now. Because there was absolutely nothing for Rainbow Dash to do.

Her friends were all occupied. Fluttershy and Discord were assigned to Baltimare for some significant event and she was not in the mood for a draught of Pinkie. She shuddered. There was no schedule to follow. She loathed these sort of days. They were prompting her of her utter loneliness.

Loneliness.

She was the Element of Loyalty. Her amount of friends were like Pinkie's edict for sugar (except maybe Pinkie exceeds the number). She was the most agile pegasus, confidant with the most popular princess of Equestria and had surpassed almost every flying record. Including the infamous Wind Rider. Yet, this was still not enough to satisfy her desires.

What was wrong with her?

A twinge shot her head. She groaned. Pondering was drudgery.

Her numb wings suddenly yanked, begging for the freedom of flight. Rolling her eyes, her wings unfurled and she tenderly lifted herself. The breeze was refreshing, to say the least. She spiralled through the sky and allowed herself to indulge in the rejuvenating flight. She heaved a sigh of relief.

Her eyes scanned nonchalantly around Ponyville, as she searched for activities to do. Everypony was busy doing their own thing. She caught sight of the giggling Crusaders, Macintosh chewing on a cupcake, Lyra yapping and other background ponies doing background things. Ooh, what about- She huffed. No glowing cutie marks either.

Her view was obstructed by a piece of paper slamming onto her face. Mumbling incoherently on her doleful situation, she picked up the paper and inspected it.

Chicka Flicka!

Are you a hot chick? Don't answer that. Because you are, damn it. Come join our dating spree for mares and stallions. Whether your prefer masculinity or femininity or even hippies, no pony gives a flying feather. Just come down to meet up with your choice of pony. Don't worry. They're all hot and they might just give you a run for your money.

Love adventure? Our speedy ballots are the get-go. Want a stay-at-home partner? Have a discreet option and get-to-really-know them.

Venue: Building adjacent to The Bon-Bons. Register yourself today.

No, seriously. Sign up.

Her eyes widened. Her chance of love was finally here. She can kiss her solitude life goodbye. It was funky while it lasted. She squealed in delight at the mind-boggling thought and smooched the poster. Although she probably would not take them seriously, it would be a great way to kill the time.

The sun radiated itself onto Sweet Apple Acres. Aligned apple trees were only holding the bare leaves, as lush apples were safely resting in the woven baskets. Applejack wiped the sweat on her brow as she scanned the orchard for her well-deserved break. The toil and labour was something she cherished more than anything. Her head swivelled towards the farmhouse. The last batch of apples and her afternoon was a wrap up.

"Macintosh!"

Her brother trotted up to her with a smirk and pulled her into an embrace, vigorously rubbing her mane. "Ya miss me, lil sis?"

"No." She stuck her tongue out and he giggled at her miserable state. Pushing him away playfully, she motioned him over to finish the last trips towards the farmhouse. Her brother hooked the cart onto his yoke and begun his destination.

"Oh, and Applejack?"

'Hmm?"

"Ah saved y'all a cupcake." Macintosh tossed AJ a cherry-flavoured cupcake, in which she gulped wholesome.

"Thanks, brother."

She shook her head, gazing at him pitifully. His only love were towards his sisters. Even with mares pleading on their doormats for him, he would dutifully reject them. All work and no play. The poor guy.

A rainbow trail zoomed past. She chuckled. The figure screeched to a halt and hastily landed adjacent to her.

"Howdy Rainbow. What can Ah do ya for?"

"This."

She slammed her hoof on the poster, entranced by the resplendence of it all. Applejack cocked her eyebrow, as she eyed the poster that had piqued Rainbow Dash's peculiar interests.

"Ah didn't know y'all were lookin' for a date." She frowned.

"Babe. Come on. Look at this slender figure and curves. This is a thing to rave for. I mean, you gotta admit I am pretty hot, right?"

"Sure ya are," she bemused, chortling. Hauling several baskets of apples, she tipped them over into the wooden wagon and hoisted towards the farmhouse. Her brows furrowed. "And why do Ah need to know about this?"

"W-Well, I'm not the only one who's hot..."

Applejack peered towards her bashful friend. "Ah'm sorry but Ah'm not interested. Applebloom's facing a busy school year, Macintosh and Ah still have a lot to do... and- Ah can't."

Rainbow Dash groaned in defeat. "But you need a break, right?"

"Hanging out with you and the rest of our friends is good enough for me."

She detested that earnest simper AJ gave her and pouted. "Fine."

Guilt wrenched Applejack's heart. "Although, Ah guess Ah could escort you to the whole uh... thing."

Her ears imploded at the response. Yes! She was not going to go in this alone. She clutched her best friend for a suffocating embrace of gratitude.

"This is the weirdest place I've ever been to."

Applejack could only nod.

It was a massive room, garnished with retro hanging lamps, noticeable red hearts and everything sappy. Banners motioning towards 'The Ballot' and 'Prudent Options' were contently hanging from the walls, which were a bright rouge. She growled. Everything was a little too much for Rainbow Dash's eyes. The cacophony, from what she could catch, were groans of pleasure, a strew of literature and squeals of happiness. And perhaps a few sobs as well. Ponies were hustling and bustling and...

In the middle of it all, making out.

Author's Note

Why does RD address AJ as 'babe'? I call my friends 'babe' all the time. Especially my beeest friend. :rainbowkiss:

Why 'stallions' you ask? If you are looking for RD and hot mares, I'm sure you'll find plenty on this site. I wanted to do something else for a change.

Ships, ships and ships. You will find lots of them.