Clue: The Fanfiction

by RyanBrony5

Rating: teen
Tags: Lightning Dust, Discord, Crossover, Flash Sentry, Mrs. Cake, Trixie
Length: 6441

When six people realise that they are being blackmailed, the blackmailer turns up dead.

A dark summer night, with a thunderstorm coming. A well-dressed butler introduces six complete strangers, all under pseudonyms, to a very cocky stallion named Mr. Boddy. It is revealed that he's been blackmailing all of them for quite sometime. After he threatens to expose their secrets if he is turned over to the police, he turns up dead. Chaos ensues as they try to figure out who among them is responsible.
This fic is a crossover of Clue: The Movie, 1985 movie based off the classic board game.

WARNING! Some immoderate language, sexual hints, and references to certain things that exist in our world.
There is some genderbending, ponification of fictional characters, things that don't exist in Equestria that are there because they are essential plot elements, and behaviors not consistent with the canon ponies.

Published 2015-09-01 19:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-15 19:00:52 UTC

Meet the Guests

It was a dark stormy night on the outskirts of Manehattan in 1954. A stallion is driving up to a very high-end, if not somewhat spooky-looking, mansion. He has to unlock the front gate before driving up to the house. As he walks up, the guard dogs jump up to greet him. He throws them each a bone before tightening their chain to prevent further jumps.

He unlocks the door and enters the house. A song is playing from another room. The stallion puts his coat and hat in the closet and begins walking towards the library. As he enters the library, we see a very bouncy mare in a maid outfit dancing in place to the song while polishing champagne glasses. The stallion shuts off the record player, thus revealing his presence to her. She immediately stops and acknowledges him.

“Is everything ready for tonight?” he asks her.

“Oui, monsieur,” she answers in a rather thick Prench accent.

“You do have your... instructions, correct?”

All she can do is nod in response. He then calmly leaves the library and walks towards the kitchen.

As he enters the kitchen, a rather robust Earth pony with a blue coat and a pink mane is there sharpening knives. A television is on broadcasting a speech by Josie Mc Cartwheel.

“Everything alright, Mrs. Cake?” He asks her. She turns him in a quick motion, which inadvertently points the knife directly in his face.

She responds. “Dinner will be ready at 7:30.”

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. The stallion walks out of the kitchen while the cook continues sharpening knives.

Outside the door, we see a mare in a long overcoat and fedora with a rainbow-colored mane watching the dogs growl at her.

The stallion opens the door and sees her. “Ah, do come in, Colonel. You are expected. May I take your coat? It is Colonel Mustard, isn’t it?”

“Well, no, actually. My name is Con... ”

“Forgive me ma’am, but on this evening, I think you’ll find yourself obliged by my employer to use an alias.” He then closes the door and puts her overcoat and fedora in the closet, revealing her to have a Wonderbolts outfit and sky blue fur.

As the stallion leads her to the library, she inquires with him. “Who exactly are you, sir?”

“I’m Wadsworth, the butler.”

In the library, the maid is busy pouring champagne into the glasses. The bookcase on the far wall swings open, revealing that the door is hidden from sight inside. Wadsworth and Mustard enter the room.

“This is Yvette, the maid.” Wadsworth says. Colonel Mustard is trying to suppress a cheesy smile at the beautiful mare. “Yvette, would you tend to the colonel and give him anything she desires?” He sees the look on Mustard’s face. “Within reason, that is.” He then proceeds to close the door.

“Actually, Wadsworth, I...” Mustard turned around to try and say something, but could not see the door because of the bookcase. She is very confused.

Just then, the doorbell rings again. Wadsworth is already on his way to open the door.

Outside the door, a white mare with a flowing purple mane is standing in dark clothes, reviewing a letter. Wadsworth opens the door.

“Ah, good evening, madam. You are expected.”

“Do you know who I am?” she asks very sincerely.

“I do, but you are only to be known as Mrs. White.” he replies as he takes her coat.

“Yes, the letter said so. But I’m still confused as to why it is such.” He purposefully doesn’t reply, but instead leads her to the library.

Mustard is standing around all nonchalant sipping her champagne. Suddenly, the bookcase behind her opens up, revealing the door she didn’t find before, which pushes her up against the wall.

“Yes, here we are,” Wadsworth says as they enter. Yvette walks up with a glass of champagne. “Yvette, I’d like you to meet Mrs. White.” White gives her a sour look. “Well, it appears you’ve met.” White takes the glass and walks away.

“Hello,” Mustard acknowledges her.

“Hello,” White replies.

Meanwhile, a yellow mare with a pink mane is standing over her car, looking over the engine as if trying to determine what’s wrong with it. Obviously, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, and hits the car in frustration. Thunder cracks in the background, which makes her even more upset.

Suddenly, she sees headlights up the road. This is her opportunity. She bends down over the engine, and gently picks up one ankle. The mare driving the other car took notice, stopped and backed up.

“You need a lift, ma’am?” The purple mare is more than happy to help her.

Very pleased, she replies “Yes please.” With that, the purple mare unlocked the door while the yellow mare opened it and sat inside.

“Thank you for this; I’m on my way to a dinner party.”

“Really, so am I. Where are you headed?”

“Let’s see,” the yellow mare says as she pulls out a letter from her pocket. “Hill House, off Route 91.”

The purple mare notices the letter and looks intrigued. “Hold on a second.” She takes a letter and looks it over. “That’s where I’m going; I got a letter like this.”

They look at each other with a look of surprise, confusion, and wonder. The purple mare turns on the windshield wipers and proceeds with the driving.

Back at the house, a pink mare with extraneous pink curls in her mane is standing in the doorway of the library. “And this is Mrs. Peacock.” Wadsworth says as she takes in her surroundings.

“Hello,” Mustard and White reply at almost the same time.

“Yvette,” Wadsworth is quick to interject, “would you go check with the cook and make sure that dinner will be ready once all the guests have arrived?”

Yvette nods and gives Peacock a glass of champagne as she walks toward the kitchen. The doorbell rings again. Wadsworth exits the library.

Outside, it’s already raining. An orange mare with a blonde mane tied in a ponytail is standing on the porch in a trenchcoat and Stetson while the dogs are growling in the doghouse. Wadworth opens the door and she turns around.

“Is this the correct address to meet Mr. Boddy?” she asks him.

“Oh, you must be Mrs. Green.”

“Yes.”

“Please come this way.” He leads her in and shuts the door.

Wadsworth takes her coat, but Green is insistent on keeping her Stetson. Wadsworth decides not to argue and leads her to the library.

Outside, we see a car pull up to the gate. The purple mare stops and takes a look at the house. “I guess that’s the place.”

“Why did the car stop?” the yellow mare beside her asks.

“It’s frightened,” she replies. She then pulls up and parks. She opens her door, opens an umbrella, and steps out, then closes the door and runs to the other side. She opens the yellow mare’s door and helps her out and under the umbrella. The door is closed and they quickly make their way to the porch, As they make it up, the purple mare closes the umbrella and they take a look at the property in front of the house.

“What a Celestia forsaken place to host a dinner party.” The purple mare inquires as she gently and attempting to be discreetly places a hoof the yellow mare’s flank. She gives a disgusted look and shakes her off. Just then, Wadsworth opens the door and looks surprised, as if he’d just noticed what was going on.

“Professor Plum, and Miss Scarlet. I didn’t realise you were acquainted.”

“We weren’t,” Scarlet replies, and gives Plum another negative look before stepping inside. Plum awkwardly follows.

The library door opens up and Wadsworth stands at attention as he speaks. “May I present Professor Plum and Miss Scarlet.” Everyone seems to notice, but makes very little effort to acknowledge, as it’s awkward enough already. Wadsworth simply continues. “Of course, you realise that no one here will be using their real name, but only the pseudonym they’ve been provided.” Some more silence around the room as everyone sips their champagne.

Out in the hall, the cook strikes a gong, which breaks everyone from their awkward trance, with Green even spilling some champagne on Peacock’s dress. Wadsworth, on the other hoof, is completely unmoved. He simply says “Ah, dinner.”

“Sorry,” Green says to Peacock as she pulls out a hoofkerchief and tries to clean her spill. “I’m a little accident prone.”

Time for Dinner

Everyone walks across the hall into the dining room. Green is still trying to clean the remainders of her spill on Peacock’s dress.

“You’ve all been assigned a seat. There’s a name card for each of you.” Wadsworth says as everypony shuffles in. They all look around the table for their names.

Mustard notices one seat that has no name. “Is this seat for you, sir?” she asks.

Wadsworth finds the statement to be ridiculous. “Goodness, no. I’m a humble butler, and nothing more.”

“What is it that you do?”

“Buttle, ma’am. I buttle.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“The butler is the head of the kitchen, dining room, and wine cellar. I just keep everything tidy.”

“So is this seat for our host?” Peacock asks.

“Actually, it’s for Mr. Boddy, our seventh guest for this evening.”

“I thought Mr. Boddy was our host.” White asks, confused. Everyone else verbally agrees, equally confused. “Well, then who is our host, Mr. Wadsworth?”

Wadsworth decidedly ignores the question as he pours everyone new drinks.

Yvette comes out of the kitchen carrying bowls. “Shark’s fin soup, madam,” she says as she sets them in front of everypony.

After being served, Plum speaks up. “Well, I’d like to start while the soup is still hot.”

“Don’t you think we ought to wait for our other guest?” Peacock inquires.

“I will keep something warm for him. Don’t worry.” Yvette replies.

“What did you have in mind, dear?” Scarlet laughs inwardly at her rather lewd joke.

Plum picks up her spoon and quite audibly sips the warm broth. White looks disgusted at her, but inadvertently does the same. Everypony else soon follows as an awkward tension arises, mostly affecting Peacock.

“Well,” she begins awkwardly, “I suppose somepony should break the ice, and I’m perfectly fine doing that. I’m use to being a hostess myself; it’s an essential part of my husband’s profession. So, I’m perfectly fine with starting conversation and getting the ball rolling. I mean, I have no idea what we’re all doing here, or why I’m involved in this, but I just know that I’m going to enjoy myself. You know, this whole situation intrigues me, and my, this is really good soup, isn’t it?”

She tried twice to eat more of her soup, but just COULDN’T STOP TALKING. Everypony was watching her with rapt attention; they had no idea that any pony anywhere was capable of such a continuous string of conversation about starting conversations. White is the first to speak afterwards.

“You are used to being a hostess as part of your HUSBAND’S work?”

“Oh, yes. Very essential to be a hostess when your husband’s a-” She realised where she was going and stopped herself. “Right, I forgot. We’re not supposed to say who we REALLY are, though I still don’t know why.”

“You don’t, do you?” Mustard asks sarcastically. Peacock looks offended.

“I know who you are.” Green says. Peacock looks surprised.

“Well, why don’t you tell us?” Sometimes Scarlet has a kind of cynical sense of humor.

Peacock removes her glasses in surprise. “How do you know who I am?”

“You work in Hoofington, just like I do.” Green says with a small smile.

“Hoofington. So you’re a politician’s wife?” Plum asks in confirmation.

“Uh, y-yes. Yes, I am.” Peacock says as she awkwardly replaces her glasses.

“Well, come on. Who’s your husband, then?” Mustard asks expectantly.

Wadsworth opens the door, immediately silencing that topic of conversation. Peacock continues with another topic. “So, what does your husband do?”

“Nothing!” White says, very nearly cutting her off.

“Nothing?”

“Well... he just... lies around, on his back all day.”

There’s a slight chuckle from Scarlet. “Sounds like hard work to me.”

It is at that moment that Yvette opens the window in the kitchen connected to the dining room. Lightning strikes at that same moment. This startles Green into hitting her spoon and spilling soup broth on Scarlet’s outfit. She pulls out another hoofkerchief.

“Sorry, I’m afraid I’m a little accident prone.”

“Ah, ah, watch it.” She exclaims as she tries to wipe up the spill from her lap.

Wadsworth and Yvette come out of the kitchen to replace the soup bowls with the main course. Peacock is the first to receive it, so she begins eating. She makes it audibly clear that she is enjoying it.

“Mmm, this is one of my favorite recipes,” she proclaims to Wadsworth.

“I know, Madame,” he replies as he exits back into the kitchen. As they continues serving, Peacock tries to continue the conversation.
“So what do you do in Hoofington, D. C., Mrs. Green?” She sit there, holding back the urge to answer. “Come on, what do you do? I mean, we can’t exactly get acquainted if nopony says anything at all.”

Scarlet is quick to interject. “Maybe, she just doesn’t want to get acquainted with the likes of you.”

“Well, I’m sure I don’t know, but if I weren’t trying to keep the conversation going, we’d all still be sitting here in embarrassed silence.”

As Peacock was talking, Yvette was serving Plum, who was seated next to her. Because of her short skirt, she got a pretty good look at her flank and a glimpse of the surface area beneath her tail.

“Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?” Plum asks.

“Of course I’m- WHAT? No! Why would you think that?”

“Well, from my standpoint, you seem to suffer from, what we call, ‘pressure of speech.’”

“We?” Scarlet looks up. “Who’s ‘we’? Are you a shrink?”

“Well, I do have a certain level of knowledge about psychological medicine.”

“Oh, so you’re a doctor?” White says.

“Technically, yes, but I don’t practice.”

“Practice makes perfect.” Here comes another lewd comment from Scarlet. “I think most stallions need a little practice. Don’t you agree, Mrs. Peacock?” Peacock choose to not dignify that with a response.

“So, what do you do, Professor?” White asks, changing the subject.

“I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization.”

“Another politician? Sweet Celestia!” Mustard says jokingly.

“No, I work for a branch of UNO. EHO, the Equestria Health Organization.”

Peacock is intrigued by this. “Well, what is your area of special concern?”

“Family planning. What about you, Colonel? Are you a real colonel?”

“As a matter of fact, I am.” Mustard says.

“A colonel that also, by sheer coincidence, lives in Hoofington.” Scarlet adds.

“How did you know that? Have we met before?”

“You may not have seen me, but I’ve seen more of you than anypony would care to admit.”

Green needs to clarify. “So, Ms. Scarlet, does this mean that you also live in Hoofington?”

“That’s right!”

“Well, does anypony here NOT live in Hoofington, D. C.?” Peacock’s a little suspicious.

“I don’t.” Plum says.

Green replies with “Yes, but you work for the United Nations, which is a government job. And the rest of us all live in a government town. Is no one here affiliated with the government, one way or another?”

Mustard slams her napkin on the table in an act of rage. “Wadsworth! Where’s our host, and why have we been brought here?!”

The doorbell rings. Naturally, Wadsworth leaves the question unanswered as he goes to answer the door.

What's this About?

From the kitchen, we hear the door open. “Ah, do come in, sir. You are eagerly awaited,” Wadsworth says. The door closes and locks.

Another male voice speaks up. “You’re not locking the door, are you? I’ll take the key.”

“Over my dead body, sir. May I take your bag?”

“No, thanks. I’ll leave it right here; I’ll need it for later.”

“A bag of evidence, I presume?”

“Surprises, my friend. A bag of surprises.”

The guests are completely clueless as Wadsworth enters the kitchen with an unfamiliar stallion. He has a blue coat, a pale blue flowing mane, and a crescent moon on his flank accompanied by a five-pointed star on a stick. His eyes are some weird mix of violet and magenta. He was reportedly wearing a lavender cape and wizard hat that had star decorations all over them, but they were in the closet with everypony else’s coats.

“Fillies and gentlecolts, I’d like to introduce you to Mr. Boddy.” Wadsworth says as they stand at the doorway.

Boddy tries to suppress a knowingly smug grin. “What are they all doing here?”

“Eating dinner!” Wadsworth proclaims as if he were hiding a deeper secret beneath an obvious scene. He then gestures for Boddy to sit at the head of the table.

As Boddy sits down, Yvette comes out with his bowl of soup. “Nah, you can take that away, honey,” he says. All the guests and Yvette look at him, each with a different expression on their face, as Yvette walks back into the kitchen.

“Look,” Peacock says demandingly, “I want answer, and I want them now. Why have we all been dragged up to this horrible place?”

“Well, I believe we all received a letter,” Wadsworth says as he pulls one out of his pocket. “Mine says: ‘It will be to your advantage to come to this address on this date; a Mr. Boddy will bring to end a painful and confidential financial liability. Signed, A Friend’”

“I received a similar letter,” Green speaks up.

“I guess we all did, didn’t we.” Scarlet says as everypony looks around the table at each other.

“I also received a letter,” Boddy admits. Yvette comes out of the kitchen with his plate of the main dish. “No thanks, Yvette. I just ate.”

“How do you know her name?” Green asks.

“We know each other,” Boddy replies as he begins to gently lift Yvette’s skirt. “Don’t we, dear?” Yvette then angrily shoves his hoof away.

“If you’ll forgive my curiosity, Mr. Boddy,” Wadsworth asks, as if anticipating his answer, “was your letter the same as ours?”

“No, it was not.”

“I see.” Awkward silence for a second. “Would any of you be interested in fruit or dessert?” Another second of silence; absolutely nothing in the room stirs. “In that case, why don’t we adjourn to the study? There’s coffee and brandy, and I do believe our unknown host will reveal his intentions.”

Everypony walks into the study, and Green’s the first to realise the obvious. “There’s nopony here.”

Ignoring the statement, Wadsworth continues to the desk at the back of the room. “Please, help yourselves to brandy and be seated.” When he reaches the desk, he picks up an envelope. It reads: “TO WADSWORTH DO NOT OPEN UNTIL AFTER DINNER”

As Scarlet sits down on the left side of the loveseat, she pulls out a cigarette holder. “Anypony mind if I smoke?” With no immediate answer, she opens the cigarette holder. Mustard is sitting on the right side of the sofa, which is situated at a right angle next to the loveseat. Scarlet offers her a cigarette, but it is turned down. Scarlet just shrugs and picks one up for herself. As she closes it, Plum takes the seat next to her with a pipe in her mouth. She offers Scarlet a light, which is gladly accepted, and then lights the tobacco in the pipe.

Meanwhile, Wadsworth is opening the envelope with a letter opener. He then takes the contents of the envelope out and inspects them before speaking up to the guest. “Fillies and gentlecolts, I’m here to explain what you all have in common with each other. Y- unless you’d like to do the honours, Mr. Boddy.”

“Why me? They don’t know who I am, do they?” Boddy says, seated in the chair right next to the door.

“I don’t believe so. You’ve yet to explain who you are.”

Boddy immediately stands up. “It’s all a hoax. None of this is real. I suggest we all leave.” He then exits the study.

“I’m afraid that would be quite impossible.” Wadsworth says as he and the other guests follow Boddy out of the study.

“Oh yeah. Who plans on stopping me?” Boddy then tries to open the door.

“There’s no way out of here. The windows are barred, and the doors are locked.”

“This is insane. You can’t hold us prisoner like this.”

All of the guests verbalize their agreement.

Wadsworth faces the crowd and needs them to understand.“Fillies and gentlecolts, please return to the study! Everything will be explained; I guarantee it!” They all reluctantly return to the study. “You too, Mr. Boddy.” He calls as he senses Boddy sneaking past and running down the hall. “Other way!”

Boddy runs into the observatory, desperate for an escape. He runs up to the walls and picks up a flower pot.

Wadsworth finally catches up with him. “You can’t get out that way.”

Boddy chuckles a little as he stands there and responds. “Why not? It’s only glass.”

Right as he’s about the smash the glass, a rottweiler runs up to it and barks. Boddy looks back at Wadsworth, who has a smug grin on his face. Boddy drops the pot, defeated.

Back in the study, Yvette has a tray of brandy glasses. She’s walking around, passing them out. Plum rejects; Scarlet accepts; Mustard accepts; Green rejects; Peacock accepts; White rejects; she then places the tray on the back table.

Wadsworth reenters with Boddy. Boddy claims his previous seat in the chair next to the door. Wadsworth walks back to the desk. With all the commotion died down, he’s able to explain the situation at last.

Secrets

“Fillies and gentlecolts, you all have one thing in common. You’re all being blackmailed.” Wadsworth decided to cut to the chase after that fiasco. “For a good portion of time, all of you have been paying what you can afford, and possibly even more, to a stranger threatening to expose you, and none of you have any idea who it is, do you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Peacock instantly replies. She, too, is smoking a cigarette. “Nopony could blackmail me. My life is a big open book. I’ve never done anything wrong.”

“Anypony else wish to deny it?” Nopony else dares. Wadsworth continues. “Very well. As everypony is in the same league, there shouldn’t be any harm in revealing certain details, which I’m specifically instructed to do. Thank you, Yvette.”

Yvette nods, understanding yet a little uncomfortable, as she exits the study and closes the door.

White speaks up. “Don't you think you might spare us this humiliation?”

“I’m sorry.” Wadsworth first goes to Plum. “Professor Plum, you were once a professional psychiatrist, the best in the business, helping homicidal lunatics with delusions of grandeur.”

“Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.”

“So your work has not changed. But you don’t practice medicine at the since your license was lifted.”

This peaks Scarlet’s interest. “Why? What did she do?”

“Exactly what she isn’t supposed to do with a male patient.”

Scarlet laughs as Plum looks mortified.

Peacock scoffs. “That’s disgusting.”

“Are you making moral judgements, Mrs. Peacock?” Wadsworth quickly swoops down on her. “Then how would you justify taking bribes in return for your husband, Senator Peacock, voting on certain lobbyists?”

“My husband is a paid consultant; there is nothing wrong with that!”

“Not if the public is aware of it... perhaps. But if the bribe is taken by slipping old bits in plain, white envelopes under the door of the restroom, how would you describe that?”

Scarlet’s very intrigued by all this. “I’d say it stinks.”

Peacock is bothered. “Oh, how would you know? When were you in that restroom?”

Plum pulls her pipe out of her mouth. “So it’s true!”

“No, it’s a big, ugly lie!”

“Yes, madam, I’m sure it is,” Wadsworth says sarcastically. “But the fact remains that you’ve been paying blackmail for over a year to keep that story from circulating.”

“Well, I, for one, am willing to believe you,” White interjects. “I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn’t do.”

Green and Mustard concur.

“Not me,” Scarlet proclaims with a small lick on confidence.

“You’re not being blackmailed?”

“Of course, I’m being blackmailed. I’m just not ashamed to admit what I did.”

Plum is interested. “What did you do?”

“Well, let’s just say, I’m in the hotel and telephone business, providing ponies with a young mare’s comfort. For a little while, that is.”

“Really?” Plum is VERY interested. She pulls out a pen and paper. “What’s the phone number?”

Scarlet scoffs and rolls her eyes.

Green decides to clear something up. “Wait. How did you know Colonel Mustard was from Hoofington? Was she a client of yours?”

“Of course not!” Mustard quickly interjects.

“I was asking Miss Scarlet.”

“Well, you tell them it isn’t true.”

“It isn’t true,” Scarlet says, obviously forced.

“Is that true?” Plum half-whispers.

“No, it’s not true.”

Green was right. “A-ha! So, it IS true.”

Wadsworth stands. “A double negative.”

Mustard is a little scared. “Double negative? You mean you have photographs?!”

“That sounds like a confession to me! In fact, the double negative has lead to proof positive. It seems you’ve given yourself away.” Of course, Wadsworth knew the reality of the situation the whole time.

“Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?!”

“You don’t need any help from me, ma’am!”

“That’s right!” It takes a second before she realises what Wadsworth said.

Plum speaks as she tries t seduce Scarlet. “Personally, I don’t see what’s so bad about Colonel Mustard visiting a house of ill fame. It’s something a lot of soldiers do, isn’t it?”

“Oh, please.” Scarlet pushes Plums hoof off her hind leg and stands up.

“He does hold a sensitive security position in Canterlot, though. And you drive a pretty expensive car, especially for somepony who lives on a colonel’s salary.”

“I don’t. I came into money during the war after my parents died.”
Wadsworth looks a little puzzled, but then decides to continue.

“Mrs. White, you’ve been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, officially reported, ‘mysterious circumstances.’”

Scarlet finds this quite amusing and laughs.

“Why is that funny?” White asks.

“That explains why you said he’s been lying on his back. In his coffin.”

“I didn’t kill him.”

“Then why are you paying the blackmailer?”

“I don’t suppose you’d want that kind of scandal, would you? He wasn’t exactly the most sane pony in Equestria. I mean, he did threaten to kill me in public.”

“Why would he want to kill you in public?”

Wadsworth corrects her. “I think she means that they were in public and had made a threat to kill her.”

“Oh,” Scarlet realises. “Was that his final word on the matter?”

“Being killed is as final as one can get, wouldn’t you say?”

“And yet, he was the one who died. Not you, Mrs. White.” Wadsworth acts as if he has a personal vendetta against her.

“What did he do for a living?”

“He was one of the highest paid Magic teachers in Equestria.”

“What was he like?”

“He was a true gentlecolt, but unrealistically optimistic. I can only imagine how shocked he was when he died. But, he was found dead, at home. His head was cut off, along with his... personal equipment. I was alone all night at the theatre.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Well, it’s a matter of life after death. As in, I can live my life now that he’s dead.”

“But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.” Wadsworth still has that hint of anger in his voice.

“How can you blame him? He was a professional illusionist.”

“But he never reappeared.”

White shrugs. “Just because you’re paid doesn’t mean you’re very good.”

Green stands up and clears her throat. “Well, I might as well come out with it, rather than having Wadsworth unmask me. I work for the FDA, and I’m a homosexual.” Everypony looks surprised, including Wadsworth. “It’s not that this fact makes me feel ashamed, or guilty. But if it were widely known, I’d lose my job.” Complete silence. “Thank you.” She sits down and smiles toward Plum, who awkwardly and quickly gets up.

“Well,” Plum walks towards Boddy. “That just leaves Mr. Boddy.”

“What’s your little secret?” Scarlet asks, thinking it can’t be any worse or less interesting than the others.

Wadsworth is surprised. “His secret? Hadn’t you figured it out? He’s the one who’s blackmailing you.”

Telling the Police

“YOU BASTARD!” Mustard screamed as everypony rushed towards Boddy. She then prepared to fight Boddy, but he’s already one step ahead. He stomps on Mustard’s hoof and pokes her in the eye. As everypony is struggling to restrain Boddy, certain overlapping phrases are heard.

“Come on, guys...” from Green

“If you can’t fight fairly, don’t fight at all...” from Mustard

“Nopony calls me a bastard...” from Boddy

White walks right up to Boddy and knees him in the crotch.

“Was that really necessary, Mrs. White?!” Green asks.

“Wait! The police are coming!” Wadsworth tries and die down the commotion, but everypony offers their own disapproval.

“Listen,” he then says to shut them up. “The key to blackmail is secrecy. You’ve all revealed how Mr. Boddy’s been able to blackmail you. All you have to do is inform the police. He’ll be convicted, and all this will be over.”

“It’s not that easy,” Boddy says, still recovering. “You’ll never tell the police.”

“Then I shall. I have evidence in my possession, and this conversation is being-”

“-tape recorded.” Yvette in the billiard room, sipping cognac as she listens to the conversation on the recorder.

“Point of order. Tape recordings are not admissible evidence,” Green says. This stirs up a little general confusion.

“Fillies and gentlecolts,” Wadsworth says back in the study as he checks his watch. “the police will be here in about 45 minutes. Tell them the truth, and Mr. Boddy will be behind bars.” Boddy begins to leave. “Where are you going this time?”

Boddy looks back at him with a sneer. “I think I can help them make up their minds. Can I just get my little bag from the hall?”

Boddy goes out into the hall and quickly picks up his bag. He goes back into the study and places the bag on the coffee table.

“Who can guess what’s in here?” Boddy says as he opens the bag and reveals various black boxes with purple ribbons.

“The evidence against us, no doubt.” White says. Boddy then starts randomly passing out the boxes to all the guests.

“Wait a minute,” Scarlet says as she receives her box. “We didn’t know we were meeting you here. Did you know you were meeting us?”

“Oh, yes,” Boddy says.

“What exactly were you told?” White inquires.

“Oh, just that you all would be here talking about our... financial connections. And if I did not show up, Wadsworth was going tell the police about everything. Naturally, it was difficult not to put in appearance tonight.” By this time, he’d finished passing out the boxes. “‘Scuse me.” He slipped past everypony to the back of the room. He then turns around. “Open ‘em.”

“Why not?” Scarlet says. Everypony goes back to their seats with their boxes. “I enjoy getting presents from strange stallions.” She gently pulls the ribbon off the box and takes the lid off. She looks surprised and confused by the contents. “A candlestick? What’s this for?”

White looks a little shocked and opens her box. Lifting the lid revealed a rope that was tied in a noose.

Green opens her box to reveal a lead pipe. Boddy takes a sip of cognac from a glass on the table behind him.

Mustard and Plum open their boxes at the same time. Mustard pulls out a heavy wrench. Plum pulls out a revolver.

Finally, Peacock is sitting in her seat, twirling a dagger in her hoof as she inspects it.

“In your hooves,” Boddy decides that now is the time to explain, “ You each have a lethal weapon.” He then starts to walk around the room.

“If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated,” as he approaches them, starting to eye each guest individually. “I’ll see to that in court.” There’s a pause as everypony tries to wrap their minds around the current situation.

“But...” he continues, “if one of you kills Wadsworth now... nopony but the seven of us will ever know.” He’s still slowly walking around. “Wadsworth has the key to the front door...” He then walks right up to Wadsworth, “... which he said would only be opened over his dead body.” Then there’s a slight chuckle. “I say we should take him up on that offer.”

He sets his cognac on the stand next to the door, and then proceeds to close the door. “The only way to keep from finding yourselves on the front pages is for one of you to kill Wadsworth.” He reaches for the light switch “Now!”

And with that, the lights go off.

DEATH

In the darkness, we hear a thud, a groan of pain, and gunshot, and masculine screaming.

Peacock turns the light on. She drops her dagger in shock by what she sees.

“It’s not Wadsworth!” Mustard says as everypony rushes to Mr. Biddy’s body lying on the floor. Plum, being a doctor, naturally rushes to his Boddy in front of everypony.

“Stand back,” she says. “Give him air.” Plum then starts to check Boddy for signs of life. “He’s dead.” Everypony gasps in shock.

“Who had the gun?” White asks.

“I did.”

“Then you shot him.” Peacock is quick to jump to conclusions.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Well, you were the one who had the gun. If you didn’t shoot him, then who did?”

Plum turns Boddy over. “Nopony. There’s no gunshot wound on him. Somepony tried to grab the gun from me in the dark, and the gun went off. Look! The bullet broke that vase on the mantel.”

Everypony rushes over. Mustard confirms. “She’s absolutely right. There’s a bullet hole right there.”

Green grabs Plum in a frenzy. “How did he die?”

“I don’t know,” Plum says, obviously agitated, as she shoves her away. “I’m not a forensic expert.”

“Well, it must have been one of us who willed him.” White says.

Green quickly sets his lead pipe on the coffee table. “I didn’t do it.”

“-sigh- I need a drink.” Peacock says, trying to calm down. She goes over and takes a sip from Boddy’s abandoned glass.

Plum speaks frantically. “Maybe he was poisoned!”

Peacock starts to scream very loudly and drops the glass in fright.

Green grabs her. “It’s okay Mrs. Peacock. We don’t know anything,” she says to her, along with some miscellaneous other words of comfort. But Peacock will not stop screaming. Green sets her down on the sofa and begs her to calm down. When she doesn’t, Green takes her hoof and slaps Peacock across the face. That was effective. But everypony looks at her in surprise.

“I... I had to stop her from screaming...”

Mustard goes over to her. “But was the brandy poisoned?”

“I don’t know.”

Scarlet goes over and picks up the glass. all the cognac has already spilled out. “Looks like we’ll never know,” she says.

“Unless...” Green realises something. “unless she dies, too.”

Everypony scrutinizes Peacock, who is still holding her face from the slap.

Then, there’s another loud scream from another room. All the guests and Wadsworth run into the hall.

They hear the screaming coming from the billiard room. They try to open the door. but they can’t.

“It’s locked.” Green

“Open up.” Wadsworth

“It must be the murderer.” Plum

“Why would he scream?” Green

“He must have a victim in there. Oh, my gosh. Yvette!” White

The door opens, and everypony quickly pours in.

“You’re alive,” Wadsworth says, thankful.

“No thanks to you,” Yvette replies.

“What do you mean?”

“You locked me up with a murderer, you idiot.”

“So, the murderer is in this room?” White

“Mai oui!”

“Where?” Green

“Where? Here! We’re all looking at him. Or her. It’s what Mrs. White said in the study. One of you is the killer.”

“How did you know we said that?” Plum

“I was listening.”

“But if you were in here by yourself, why were you screaming?” White

“Because I am frightened. Me too; I also drink the cognac.” Yvette starts to sob. “Mon dieu. I can’t stay in here all by myself.”

Scarlet and Mustard go up to her. Scarlet tries to comfort her. “Come back to the study with us.”

“With the murderer?”

“There is safety in numbers-” then Mustard realises she’s still holding the wrench, “-my dear.”

Yvette decides to follow everypony back to the study. After they all file out, Wadsworth stops the tape recording, and takes the spools of tape off the recorder.

Everypony files back into the study.

“Is there no indication of how he died?” Green

“No, there is not.” Plum

“This is all absolutely terrible. I never intended for all this to happen. Oh gosh.” Wadsworth says as he sits in the chair that once housed Mr. Boddy.

“YOU never intended?” White

“Wait a minute. Are you NOT the butler?”

“I’m not THE butler. But I am A butler. In fact, I was HIS butler.” Wadsworth points to Boddy’s body.

“So, if he instructed you to invite us all here, then why did he arrive late?” Plum

“He never did anything. I invited you. I wrote the letters. All of this was my idea.”

“Wait, now I’m confused. Why did you ask us to meet your now dead employer. Were you part of the blackmail?” White

“Of course not!” Wadsworth stands up, offended by that statement.

“Well, I think you owe us an explanation, then.”

Wadsworth sighs. “Please sit down. Everypony.”

Everypony sits down. But everytime Green tries to sit down, somepony else takes the seat before her. Left with no choice, she decides to lean against the serving table in the back of the room.