Some Hugs Last Longer than Others

Chapters

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

Part One

Rainbow Dash sped down a Ponyville street, just barely ducking beneath an explosion of giggles and confetti. Pink fluff fireworks burst-scattered like exploding popcorn cotton candy over her head. But Rainbow Dash was already far and away. She couldn’t be caught. She was as fast as a racing lightning bolt. She was as nimble as a creeping crocodile. She was as agile as a c—

Well, not a cat, because cats were boring and mean and didn’t know any tricks and weren’t good at anything but kicking their water bowls over and spilling cat spit-laced water all over the stairs. Rainbow Dash had babysat a gaggle of cats for Fluttershy once. It was stupid. Dash didn’t babysit animals for Fluttershy anymore, not after what those cats did to her signed bathroom Wonderbolts floor rug. She’d never managed to wash out the smell of roasted coffee beans.

Dash was as agile as some animal that was cooler than a cat, like maybe a tiger. Were tigers agile? If they were, Rainbow Dash was as agile as one of those.

It was thanks to this possibly-tiger-like agility, and also her hyper-situational awareness (she was as situationally aware as, like, some kind of bird, probably, except Dash sort of was some kind of bird, so as situationally aware as herself), that when another giggly pink blur rushed out of the bush on the side of the path Dash easily dove away and jumped into the air and out of reach.

Dash hovered overhead and smirked down at the pony on the ground, trying not to look out of breath. “Nice try, Pinkie.”

“Thanks!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing a little. “I really thought I had you that time, but you’re really, really fast. You were just, like, whoosh! And then you were gone!” She jumped again, just beneath Rainbow Dash.

“Yup, sounds about right,” Dash said. She and Pinkie Pie had been playing a game all afternoon. Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure what the rules were, because Pinkie had never told her any of the rules. It started when Dash had walked out of the Ponyville weather office and Pinkie had jumped at her from around the corner of the building, and then Dash had jumped away, and then they kept doing that for a while.

Oh, and they took a break once to eat lunch at Sugarcube Corner together, and the Cakes gave them free food and a table to themselves and kept smiling at them and then smiling at each other like they knew something Dash didn’t. And Dash and Pinkie had taken another break at Sweet Apple Acres to replace a few of Applejack’s buckets of apples with pineapples, but Dash was pretty sure that was a separate game. This game seemed to be all about Pinkie trying to hug-tackle her. Like a game of keep away, except instead of a ball, Dash was just trying to keep herself out of Pinkie’s hooves.

Or it might have been something else. The game could just as well have have been about Pinkie trying to rub her down with body paint, and Dash might have been unknowingly, but deftly, avoiding getting turned purple all afternoon. It was hard to tell with Pinkie sometimes.

Whatever the rules, Rainbow Dash was certain of one thing—she had won.

Dash yawned and stretched in midair to show how still totally not out of breath she was. “That was fun, Pinkie, but I think I’m gonna turn in now.”

“Aw,” Pinkie whined, and jumped again, mouth open. Her teeth closed down around the very tip of Dash’s tail.

“Ow! Stop that!” Dash shook Pinkie off and flew a little higher.

Pinkie lay on her back and pouted. “But you can’t quit now. I haven’t gotten to hug you yet.”

“I don’t know,” Dash said. “I’m pretty sure I have a date with that cloud over there right about now.”

“Ooo!” Pinkie oo’ed. “Are you taking it out to lunch? Could I come? I’m kind of hungry. Oh! We could make strawberry sundaes! I could bring this bush and then it would even be a double date! I was lying in him for, like, ten whole minutes while I was waiting for you, so I think we know each other pretty well now, and he’d probably appreciate a date. Between you and me, I don’t think he gets asked out on very many dates. Probably because he’s a bush.”

“I’m not taking the cloud out to eat,” Dash said. “I’m going to sleep on top of it.”

“On the first date?” Pinkie scrunched her face up. “Don’t you think you’re selling yourself a little short? I mean, that cloud isn’t that cute, and you should at least wait and see what kind of prospects it has before you start doing cooperative physical tongue twisters. At least, that’s what Rarity says. By the way, I make a whole bunch of bits selling candy and cookies for the Cakes, probably way more than that cloud does just floating around all day. And candy and cookies aren’t even half of what we sell!”

“It’s not a real date, Pinkie. I’m taking a nap.”

“Oh, phew!” Pinkie melodramatically wiped at a nonexistent dribble of sweat off her forehead. “But you can’t do that yet, either! Not until I’ve hugged you at least once.”

“I don’t know, I’m kind of tired.” Dash yawned again, big and loud, this time to show just how tired she felt. Like most everything else, she was very good at reactionary yawning. “I’m pretty sure I’m too tired for hugs.”

“No way! That’s crazy! There’s no such thing as too tired for hugs. I hug Gummy all the time and he’s almost never tired. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him sleep. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him close his eyes, and now I’m realizing that means I should probably take him to the vet. But not until after I hug you at least once!”

“Hmm,” Dash hmmed, and mock-thoughtfully rubbed her chin. “Maybe just one…”

“Pretty, pretty, pretty please?”

“All right, I guess so, but make it quick,” Dash said, lowering herself down onto the ground.

Pinkie leapt up onto her hooves and rushed towards her.

“Wait!” Dash stopped her with a hoof, and Pinkie froze mid-rush. Rainbow Dash looked around to make sure they weren’t in sight of any other ponies. She didn’t see any. “All right, go ahead.”

Pinkie Pie hesitated, which Pinkie almost never did, especially when it came to hugs, and extra especially when it came to hugs with Rainbow Dash. “Why does it matter if anypony sees?”

“It doesn’t,” Dash said.

And it didn’t. Rainbow Dash didn’t care if anyone saw. It was just all about being Rainbow Dash the right way. And public consensus agreed: getting caught hugging, snuggling, and cuddling with the local culinary talent was the wrong way to be Rainbow Dash.

Which was a problem, because a certain local pastry chef was unbelievably good at hugging, snuggling, and cuddling.

Pinkie Pie was the Rainbow Dash of hugging, snuggling, and cuddling. She could hug in ways that made grandmothers jealous, snuggle in ways that made puppies and kittens feel sorely inadequate, and cuddle in ways that made decent folk blush.

Rainbow Dash used to occasionally let other ponies see them hug, snuggle, cuddle each other, but not anymore. The occasional group hug with her friends or a mandatory celebration hug was one thing, but Pinkie Pie was different.

For some reason, ponies thought that because Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie hugged, snuggled, cuddled each other and went pranking together all the time and took naps together, and generally did a lot of cool and awesome things together, that Rainbow Dash liked Pinkie like that or something.

That was obviously stupid because Rainbow Dash was way too cool for corny kissy things like marefriends and liking ponies. Marefriends had to go on dates to boring fancy restaurants and go on picnics and do nothing but talk about how pretty their marefriend’s eyes and mane were, and hold each other’s hooves, and pucker up their lips like doofus goldfish and then mash their faces together. It was all stupid. Way too stupid for a smart pony like Rainbow Dash.

And that, along with it just being the wrong way to be Rainbow Dash, was why Dash checked to make sure no one was around before letting Pinkie Pie hug her.

“Come on,” Dash told her after giving the all clear. “Just hurry up before somepony comes.”

Pinkie Pie didn’t need to be told twice. She leapt forward and threw her hooves around Dash’s neck and withers, nearly knocked her to the ground.

Rainbow Dash smiled and closed her eyes and hugged Pinkie back.

Pinkie Pie felt warm and soft, like the fluffiest cloud in the sky on a sunny day. Afternoon cloud naps were the best naps (and Rainbow was something of an expert on napping). Falling into Pinkie’s hooves and chest and stomach felt like falling into the cottony tufts of a cloud warmed by the sun. The only significant difference being that Pinkie hummed and jittered and squeezed her back and smelled liked cookie dough, and clouds usually didn’t do any of that

Pinkie Pie was a bouncing, blabbering, pink cloud, warm and sugary like a bakery’s kitchen, and nuzzled Dash’s cheek and squeezed her tight.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie hugged, snuggled, cuddled for a long time.

Eventually, Dash decided it was time for the hug to end. The road wouldn’t stay empty forever. She tried to pull back.

Pinkie Pie held on.

Dash didn’t mind. She would have been insulted if Pinkie had let her go that easily. Rainbow Dash, while not nearly as good as Pinkie Pie, still considered herself an awfully good hugger, snuggler, cuddler.

But, as the saying goes, all great hugs must come to an end eventually.

“All right, Pinks,” Dash said, untangling her hooves from around Pinkie Pie and moving back.

Pinkie Pie moved with her, her hooves firmly stuck to Dash’s neck and withers.

“Gotcha’,” Pinkie said, her voice bubbling with nearly erupted laughter, a very familiar sort of bubbling to Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash stepped back again, and Pinkie stepped with her again. “Pinkie, you can let go now.”

Pinkie did not let go. She giggled, voice still bubbly with pent up laughter, and said, “I actually can’t.”

Dash pushed at Pinkie’s legs, but they didn’t go anywhere. Pinkie held tight. “Pinkie, I said let go.”

“And I said I can’t!” Pinkie gave Dash another squeeze. “Silly pony.”

“What are you talking about? Just let go!”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a prank!” Pinkie cheered, and then the bubbling bubbles of her voice finally burst into an outright cathedral organ symphony of giggles and snorts.

Dash recognized those gigglesnorts, though she hadn’t experienced them this intimately in a while. They were the same gigglesnorts Pinkie always let out after a successful prank.

Rainbow Dash sighed. Pinkie could come up with the most delicious of pranks, like the time she had replaced all of the milk in Dash’s fridge with whipped cream. She could also come up with the lamest of pranks, like now. “You’re pranking me by hugging me and not letting go?”

“No,” Pinkie said, voice still shaking with giggly aftershocks. “I’m pranking you by gluing myself to you.”

Rainbow Dash then became aware of how stiflingly hot Pinkie’s body felt against her, how Pinkie Pie’s hooves pressed against her wings and held them closed, how Pinkie felt like a leaden but still kind of brilliantly soft and warm but mostly leaden weight stuck to her chest.

“What?”

“I hugged you and then glued myself to you,” Pinkie said again. “It’s weird that you couldn’t hear me the first time I said it, because my mouth is right next to your ear.”

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, and then another, and then another, and she felt her chest push against Pinkie. She shouldn’t panic. Panicking would be bad. If she panicked, somepony might hear and come look. She gently but insistently tried to push Pinkie away, but Pinkie stayed put. Dash took another deep breath, and another, and another, and Pinkie pressed down against her.

“Dashie, are you okay? You’re breathing kind of funny like Fluttershy does whenever she talks to that cute stallion who runs the strawberry cart. And, like, gee whiz, when is that train gonna leave the station, am I right?”

Rainbow Dash grunted and reared up onto her hind hooves and tried to throw Pinkie off. All she accomplished was losing her balance and falling over into the dirt with Pinkie on top of her.

“What the hay, Pinkie!” Dash cried, scrabbling to her hooves.

“Um, it’s a prank, duh,” Pinkie said, and laughed, the sound of it loud in Dash’s ears.

“Well, great. Good work.” Dash spun spun in a circle, trying to see past Pinkie’s poofy mane and into the street. Thankfully still empty, but it couldn’t stay that way for long. “You’re great, blah blah, pranks are fun, blah blah, you got me. Okay? Just get off before somepony comes and sees us like this.”

“Thanks!” Pinkie said, and did a little victory bounce that nearly tipped Dash over again. “But, um, I don’t think I can let go of you.”

“Why not?” Dash asked, still swiveling back and forth to check both sides of the street, Pinkie Pie’s back legs swiveling through the air behind her. “Just unglue yourself.”

“I don’t think that’s how glue works.”

“What kind of glue did you use?”

“That’s the coolest part!” Pinkie said, trying to bounce again but she only kicked her legs in the air instead. “Magic glue!”

“What?” Dash felt warm, way, way too warm with Pinkie wrapped around her. “What does that even mean?”

“Um, it’s glue that’s magic. Duh.”

“Where did you even get magic glue?”

“I found it,” Pinkie replied innocently.

Rainbow Dash took another deep breath. The air felt hot in her throat and smelled saccharine like sugar. “Okay, whatever, how do we get rid of it?”

“Um, I’m pretty sure the label said we just have to wait for it to wear off.”

“And how long will that take?”

“Hmm,” Pinkie hmmed, and kept on hmming for a long time after that while Rainbow Dash ground her teeth. “I think it said it would take a couple hours.”

Rainbow tried to take another deep breath, but it exploded in her lungs when Pinkie decided to squeeze her. “Ugh, are you kidding me right now?”

“Um, about which part?”

Rainbow Dash just barely kept herself from shouting. “The part where you’re stuck hugging me for hours while we’re standing in the middle of the street and anyone can see us and I can’t even fly away because you’re stuck to my wings!”

“Oh, that part?” Pinkie giggled again, horribly. “Nah, that part’s totally true. I’m stuck to you till the spell in the glue wears off.”

“What the hay, Pinkie?” Dash shouted, spinning in a circle while trying to look Pinkie in the face so she could glare at her, but never catching more than Pinkie’s mane. Dash stopped spinning and settled for that, and glared at Pinkie’s mane as hard as she could. “Why would you do that?”

“Um, prank?”

“No,” Dash said, stamping her hoof in the dirt, kicking up a small cloud of dust. “Because pranks are fun, and this isn’t fun. This is just lame.”

“I, uh, think it’s kind of fun,” Pinkie said, and her voice, even so close to Dash’s ear, started to sound quieter.

“Well, you’re wrong, and it’s not.” Dash scanned the road again. Still empty. “Now get off before somepony comes or I’m going to buck you off.”

Dash felt Pinkie shift on top of her, but the earth pony didn’t go anywhere. “I really can’t get off.”

Rainbow Dash set her front hooves firmly on the ground, kicked her back legs into the air, and bucked with all her might.

Pinkie Pie stayed put. “Rainbow Dash,” she started, “do you—”

“Quiet!” Dash whispered. She raised her head and looked down the road.

Still a long ways off, but coming closer, she saw two ponies walking towards her.

Rainbow Dash threw herself, and Pinkie, into the same bush Pinkie had burst out of earlier. It was scratchy and prickly, but she was pretty sure it was big enough to hide them both.

“Dashie, this is—”

“Be quiet,” Dash said, watching the two ponies come closer. They didn’t look like they suspected anything.

“But, Rainb—”

“Pinkie, I said shut up!”

And, mercifully, Pinkie shut up.

Rainbow Dash silently crouched in the bush, hardly breathing. The two ponies walked towards her bush. They paused just feet away from her, glanced at the bush, shrugged to each other, and then moved on.

Dash let herself breathe again. While she waited for the two to get out of earshot, she sat and felt Pinkie’s soft warmth around her, felt Pinkie’s jittery heartbeat, felt the quick rise and fall of Pinkie’s chest with her breaths, and almost relaxed despite herself.

She needed to think. Rainbow Dash was good at thinking. Relatively, at least. Obviously not as good as someone like Twilight, but she was pretty sure she was better at thinking than Rarity, and she was definitely better than Applejack.

“Pinkie,” she started, trying to stay quiet. Those two ponies were still nearby. “Is it actually gonna take hours for this glue to wear off?”

“Um,” Pinkie said. She seemed to have caught on that she had done something wrong, because her voice was quiet, too, a rarity for Pinkie unless she was in trouble or planning a surprise party. “I think so. I’m not sure.”

That was probably as clear of an answer as Rainbow Dash was going to get. She contemplated sitting around in a bush with Pinkie all night long. It wasn’t the worst possible scenario, certainly better than getting caught hugging, snuggling, cuddling with Pinkie Pie. In the bush, she might even get to hug, snuggle, cuddle Pinkie anyway! But if she did get caught...

Jeez, the way ponies would look at her after that! The things they would say, what they would think. There would be jokes, and she would be at the center of all the punchlines. She hated jokes sometimes. Sometimes she hated the way ponies laughed and talked about each other, too, hated thinking they might laugh and talk about her that way. Stupid ponies. Like it was any of their business what she did.

Most of all, though, Dash was frustrated with Pinkie. Of all ponies, Pinkie Pie should have known, known what this could do to Rainbow Dash’s reputation, how important Dash’s reputation was. She should have understood what a terrible, horrible idea this was. Pinkie wasn’t stupid and she wasn’t mean, so why would she do something like this?

She must have known. Pinkie couldn’t have hug, snuggle, cuddled with her for this long and not known how Dash felt about other ponies finding out. Pinkie had known and she did this stupid prank anyway.

Actually, now that Dash thought about it, she didn’t really feel like being stuck in a bush with Pinkie Pie all night. She didn’t really feel like being stuck with Pinkie anywhere for any amount of time.

“Where did you get this glue from?” Dash asked, still quiet.

Pinkie shuffled awkwardly on top of her. “I don’t think I should tell you.”

“I need to know so I can find some way to get rid of it,” Dash said. “So where did you get it?”

“Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anypony.”

Rainbow Dash kept silent.

Pinkie cleared her throat. “I found it in Twilight’s castle, and then I took it. And I didn’t ask, and Twilight didn’t know, and I don’t think I was allowed to take it, because Twilight kind of sort of told me no when I asked. I’m sorry.”

One of Twilight’s egghead experiments then. Twilight had warned Pinkie away from those often enough in the past. She would probably be even more upset with Pinkie than Dash was.

There was a silver lining here. If Twilight made the glue, she would know how to fix this. The problem would be in finding Twilight. With luck, she would be cooped up in her castle’s library, as per usual. But Rainbow Dash was a long ways away from the castle, and getting all the way there without being seen wouldn’t be easy. Better than sitting around doing nothing, though.

“All right,” Dash said, louder now that she was certain there weren’t any ponies near enough to hear. “This is what’s going to happen. We’re going to find Twilight. She’ll probably be at the castle, so that’s where we’re going. You’re not going to let me be seen like this, and you’re not going to screw things up and get us caught, and you’re not going to say anything or make any noise at all until we find Twilight.”

“Can I ask you something first?” Pinkie asked, voice still quiet.

“What?” Dash scanned the street, impatient to be off before they lost their opening.

“Rainbow Dash…” Pinkie hesitated, sucked in her breath. “Do you like me?”

“No, Pinkie,” Dash said. “I think you did something really lame, and I think you did it on purpose, and I don’t like you very much at all right now.”

Pinkie slumped down against her after that, seemed to deflate, but she didn’t say anything else.

Rainbow Dash swung Pinkie around so that she was more on top of her than in front of her, and then checked to make sure no one was around.

All clear.

She sprinted out of the bush and dove behind a nearby crate. She hadn’t traveled more than a couple feet, and the castle was on the other side of town. It was going to be a long trip.

Part Two

Rainbow Dash was stupid.

Rainbow Dash was trapped in a bucket of ice cream.

These two facts were probably related, but she didn’t think a frozen dairy entrapment episode was the best time to start trying to connect all the dots in her life. The only dot she felt like connecting was herself to anywhere besides that bucket of ice cream.

Of course, Rainbow Dash loved ice cream. In almost any other circumstance, she would have felt totally happy throwing herself whole-body into things she loved—flying, a nap, hay fries, being better than Applejack at something, ice cream. The list went on. But she found that ice cream could get surprisingly chilly after being stuck in a bucket of it for half an hour. She also found that Pinkie Pie was surprisingly warm and soft when you glued yourself to her for a day. Or got glued to her. Glued by her. Or whatever.

Dash poked her head up just enough to lift the ice cream lid and check the situation.

And the situation was:

Lame. Very very lame. And cold. And sticky. And creamy. And surprisingly soft and warm. But mostly lame.

The way was not clear. No way was clear. Ponies were everywhere, and Dash couldn't see any chance to escape unnoticed. Cookies ‘n Cream’s Cookies and Creams, the market’s premiere outdoor cookies and ice cream stall, run by none other than Cookies ‘n Cream, was getting hit by the lunch rush. Like the avalanche-stampeded, ponies lined up crush-style around the block, dear Celestia why do I work in food service? kind of getting hit by the lunch rush.

This was fortunate for Cookies ‘n Cream, as Dash had heard some rumors that Cookies and Creams hadn’t been doing so hot recently and might close down. This was unfortunate for Rainbow Dash, as she was currently hidden inside a bucket of Cookies and Creams’ most popular ice cream flavor—cookies ‘n cream with extra cream. This brought Dash’s problems full circle.

Rainbow Dash was stupid.

She had always assumed she was at least as naturally good at being smart as she was naturally good at everything else. But recent events had necessitated a serious reevaluation of that assumption. Because getting glued to Pinkie Pie and trapped in a bucket of Cookies and Creams’ cookies ‘n cream with extra cream during the lunch rush just didn’t scream ‘situation a smart pony finds herself in on a Tuesday afternoon.’ Sure, that’d be fine for a late Friday night, or even a relaxing Sunday evening, but definitely not a Tuesday afternoon.

“We’re screwed,” Rainbow Dash concluded.

Pinkie Pie’s only response was to shove another hoof-full of cookies ‘n cream with extra cream into her mouth, which freaked Rainbow right out of the barn stall.

Not Pinkie stuffing her face with cookies ‘n cream with extra cream. Pinkie was always stuffing her face with whatever happened to be lying around. Luckily, this time whatever was lying around happened to be delicious ice cream. Last time it had been centipedes. Rainbow Dash still shuddered at the memory of that misadventure.

Normally, when Pinkie was stuffing her face, she’d be laughing and babbling and dancing and baking muffins and throwing parties, even that time with the centipedes. But now, Pinkie wasn’t doing anything except moping and binge eating. And that freaked Rainbow right out of the barn stall.

There was something very wrong about seeing a frown on Pinkie Pie’s face. A frowning Pinkie Pie was as wrong as a Rainbow Dash with her wings tied down. A thought that made Rainbow gag.

What made that frown even worse was the possibility that maybe sorta just kinda-maybe Rainbow Dash had been the pony to put it there.

And maybe that had something to do with Rainbow Dash being stupid. And maybe the possibility of cheering Pinkie up had something to do with Rainbow’s ill-considered choice of diving into a bucket of Pinkie Pie’s favorite ice cream flavor. And maybe it had something to do with Rainbow feeling like such a jerk even though she definitely hadn’t done anything wrong. Pinkie Pie was the one who’d super-glued them together. Without even asking permission first! And some ponies said Rainbow Dash had no manners!

Really, though, the time for connecting the dots was some other time. Right now was time for figuring out how to get the heck out of that ice cream bucket.

Pinkie Pie swallowed another sticky slobber slop sorbet, and Dash whispered, “Could you stop that? You’re making way too much noise.”

“I’m stress eating!” Pinkie wailed, distressingly shrill.

“Why?”

“Because that’s what Rarity does,” Pinkie said between globbering gelato gulps. “She says ice cream soothes a wounded soul after being repudiated by a faithless inamorata.”

“What’ed by a faithless what’a?” Dash asked, popping her head up for another survey of the situation.

“I think it means something like when a pear morgue stops returning your calls.”

“A pear morgue?”

“Yup!” Pinkie sounded like she was brightening to the topic of Rarity’s romantic lexiconical woes. “That’s part of why Applejack and her are going to the Bluestone Cafe today. To cheer her up.”

“I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about.” But the Bluestone Cafe was just beside Cookies ‘n Cream’s Cookies and Creams. If Applejack and Rarity really were nearby, that might be useful. And at least Pinkie Pie was starting to act a little less mopey. Maybe the ice cream was finally working its sweet dental-dread magic.

“Plus, Rarity seems like a pretty put-together pony,” Pinkie prattled on, oblivious, “like, she’s really got this whole dating thing down to a t-n-t, and if eating too many sweets helps her find true love—I mean I eat way more sugar than she does, so what does that say about the odds for us? And you can’t argue with that figure. I mean, have you seen her flanks?”

“Oh, hey! There she is.” Rainbow Dash spotted Rarity sitting at a table with Applejack at the Bluestone.

“We should go say hi!” Pinkie cheered, like that wasn’t the worst idea she’d ever come up with. Well, second worst.

Pinkie was already halfway to leaping out with a flash of confetti in one hoof, a trumpet in the other, and a too-cool-for-school pegasus glued to her chest when Dash tackled her. The result was an even more awkward and confused tangle of hooves and tails and cookie chunks at the slippery sloppery bottom of the half-empty bucket. Dash’s head ended up pressed somewhere around Pinkie’s neck.

Dash couldn't help but marvel for about the hundredth time that day at just how warm Pinkie was. Like a freshly machine-dried blanket. And soft, too. And snuggable. And when Dash was pressed up against her like this, she could feel Pinkie’s heartbeat. Wild and excited, just like the life of the pony it sustained.

And jeez, it just made Dash feel so weird. Like she was at the tippy-top of a loop de loop, and her stomach was squip-squeezed two-thirds of the way up her throat, and any second she could free fall backwards rump-first out of the sky and be happy about it. But all that was more confusing messy feeling stuff she could figure out some other time. Now was time for asking, “Pinkie, are you crazy?”

“Yes!” Pinkie Pie answered happily.

“Okay, yeah, I knew that, but could you maybe be just a little less crazy, just for today? Like by realizing that we definitely can’t let Applejack or Rarity see us?” Dash dragged herself back to the top of the bucket. “And stop licking me!”

“But you’ve got cookie in your hair and it’s yummy,” Pinkie said, voice muffled, muzzle buried in Dash’s dripping mane.

“We’re surrounded by cookie!” Dash nearly shouted. “There’s cookie everywhere. We’re in a literal bucket of cookie. You could eat cookie anywhere but off me.”

“But yours is the yummiest.” Undeterred, Pinkie kept gobbling away, now at the ice cream on Dash’s feathers. “And why can’t we let Applejack or Rarity see us?”

Rainbow Dash decided to ignore Pinkie’s mouthy ministrations. And maybe it felt kind of nice, sort of, but not really. Kind of like being groomed. “Because we can’t let them see us like this.”

“Like what?”

Dash just rolled her eyes, which she felt was a perfectly adequate response before remembering that Pinkie couldn’t see her do it. “Glued together and covered in cookies ‘n cream with extra cream!”

“Why not?”

Dash noticed that Pinkie had stopped eating, and Pinkie’s voice had gotten quieter. “Because they might think… things,” Dash said.

“Because they might think that you liked me?” Pinkie asked, surprisingly matter-of-fact.

“Well, yeah,” Dash answered, and tried to shake the feeling that she was messing this all up even worse somehow by saying so.

“And it would be really horrible if ponies thought that about us? Like, hobgoblins haunted horror house hillbillies kind of horrible?”

“Yes,” Dash said. And it would be. Obviously. That was the whole point of this, right? Why else would Rainbow Dash have shoved herself and Pinkie Pie into the trapped tight confines of a bucket of Pinkie’s favorite ice cream?

Pinkie stayed quiet.

Rainbow Dash waited, and checked outside again, and felt a cold dribble ice cream trickle down her forehead. And Pinkie still didn’t say anything. Dash hated silence. She super hated silence around Pinkie. It felt heavy and gross, like a gloppy gloopy bucket of half-melted ice cream and sexually repressed ponies. Dash cleared her throat and said, “You know, you can eat cookie out of my mane if it, like, makes you feel better or whatever. I don’t actually care.”

Pinkie didn’t eat anymore ice cream, but she did say, “You wouldn’t say mean things to Applejack or Rarity if you knew they felt bad about something, even if it was about something really super silly.”

“Uh, I guess.” More annoying ice cream was slipping down Dash's head. “I mean, if it was something really silly, I might joke with them a little bit.”

“Not if you knew it made them feel really poopy.”

“Whatever, sure.”

“And you’d always help them, no matter what,” Pinkie continued, sounding a bit like a school teacher chastising a misbehaving student. “Even if it was silly too, you’d never say no.”

Dash was starting to feel a bit like a little kid, too. And the ice cream was getting into her eyes. “Well, yeah, duh, because they’re my friends. What’s your point?”

“Why do you think Applejack and Rarity are going to make fun of you if you go over there and ask them for help?”

Dash frowned. And sticky melty ice cream kept slipping down her head. “They... wouldn’t, I guess.”

“Then why won’t you go over there and ask them for help?”

“I don’t know. I—ugh!” Dash opened her mouth and a wallop of ice cream slipped into her mouth. “I can’t even talk with all this ice cream all over me!”

Pinkie stretched up from underneath her, up to her face, and then over. Then she smiled right in Dash’s face, a classic big goofy Pinkie Pie grin, and licked the cookies ‘n cream with extra cream off Rainbow Dash’s forehead, and Dash blushed and felt stupid.

“We’re your friends,” Pinkie said.

“I know that.” Dash looked out over at where Applejack and Rarity were sitting together at a white cloth-covered table, and watching them she realized she did know they would never make fun of her for anything, and that’d she’d known that for a long time, especially not just for hanging out with Pinkie Pie. “But it’s not even about what they would say. It’s what they would think, and then what they wouldn't say. Or what they'd say. Or it’s not even about them. It’s just me, or it isn’t. Or something. I don’t know, okay? It doesn’t even matter, because we can’t get to them anyway, because we’re stuck in a stupid ice cream bucket in a stupid ice cream stall!” Dash checked again, and they were still surrounded on all sides by shopping ponies. “See? We’d need some kind of huge distraction.”

“Oh, like the fireworks!” Pinkie said, her face brightening. “They should go off any minute.”

Before Rainbow Dash even had a chance to ask what Pinkie was talking about, something exploded over the market. Fireworks flashed and thundered overhead, and the next time Dash looked, every single head in the crowd was pointed up.

Without thinking, Dash leaped out of the bucket, dragging a giggling Pinkie along with her. She didn’t have time to think. Any second, the fireworks would stop or ponies would look back down, and Dash’s only chance at escape would be gone. She rocketed across the market, hooves barely touching the ground, silent as she could be while still lugging Pinkie around, weaving between groups of ponies jaw-dropped ogling the sky. Moving on reaction and instinct, she sprinted straight for the only other safe spot she saw.

Rainbow Dash raced into the outdoor seating section of the Bluestone Cafe, and threw herself and Pinkie both under Applejack and Rarity's covered dining table.

Author's Note

This chapter has been sitting on the story page unpublished for... years? I noticed it while poking around old fics and figured there was no reason not to post it.

Part Three

Fireworks blaze-burst overhead, rainbow-colored and pink-colored, pony shaped, lightning bolt shaped, pegasus shaped, heart shaped. While ponies were distracted, Rarity and Applejack’s entire tablecloth-covered cafe table jumped liked it'd gotten sacked by speeding, friend-glued, ice-cream stuffed pegasus pony.

Rarity took a bite of pastry and said, “I do believe we have visitors.”

Applejack sighed and lifted up the table cloth. Underneath, Rainbow Dash breathed heavily, goopy glops of melted ice cream dribbling from her coat and mane. “I’m not here! You don’t see me.”

In a bored voice, Applejack informed Rarity, “Rainbow Dash isn’t here.”

“Of course not.” Rarity washed her pastry down with a sip of tea. “Is Pinkie Pie not with her as well?”

“I am!” Pinkie said from halfway underneath Dash, lolling out her tongue to catch the ice cream dripping off Dash. “Or I’m not? Or I am not not here with Rainbow Dash? But then where are we? Jee, this is confusing.”

“It’s unclear,” Applejack told Rarity.

“Pinkie Pie’s definitely not here either!” Rainbow Dash said, making a face at Pinkie.

“As long as they’re both not here,” Rarity said, “perhaps they’d like an order of tarts? The pastries here are delectable.”

Applejack looked to Dash. “Well?”

“I don’t want any stupid tarts,” Dash said. “And stop looking down here. Someone will notice. Did anybody notice?”

“I like tarts!” Pinkie said.

“You don’t,” Dash said. “You just ate a whole bucket of ice cream. You’re practically too heavy for me to carry.”

Rarity was already waving over the waiter. “Oh, sir, another order of tarts, if you'd be so kind."

“With sprinkles,” Pinkie said, jostling the table with an attempted bounce.

The waiter glanced between Rarity and the table, from which could be heard a series loud frustrated shushes. “Will you require more chairs as well, ma’am?”

“That doesn’t seem to be necessary, thank you."

“One of order of tarts then.” The waiter walked away, face impassive.

Pinkie whined. “Aw, I think he forgot my sprinkles.”

“Why do you look like you just got into a fight with an ice cream truck?” Applejack asked, still lifting the table cloth.

Rainbow Dash pulled it back down. “It doesn’t matter. What are you guys even doing here? The Bluestone Cafe doesn’t seem like your sort of hangout, AJ. And no one noticed us come in here, right?”

Applejack sighed. “I’m bein’ treated to a relaxin’ fancy shmancy afternoon off by Rarity.”

“Don’t say it like that. You'd enjoy a bit of pampering if you’d only let yourself,” Rarity said, and lifted up her side of the tablecloth. “And no, I believe most ponies were too busy looking up at the fireworks to look down at your sticky wet-feathered self stumbling across the street, giggling pink pony tied like a scarf around your neck. The fireworks were lovely, though, if perhaps mistimed. And judging by your appearance—” Rarity raised an eyebrow at the tangled lump of pony, feathers, manes, and ice cream beneath her table— “the evening’s... er, festivities are either going extremely well or extremely poorly.”

“Poorly,” Dash answered for her, pulling the tablecloth down again. “And I said to keep this down!”

“Ah, the usual problem, I assume,” Rarity said. “I did tell you, Pinkie, that you can’t set love to a timetable. Some ponies are simply too stubborn for their own good. Stop poking that!”

Applejack, ignoring Rarity’s scolding, prodded at a sticky lump of bread on her plate. “What else are you supposed to do with it?”

Rarity groaned. “You eat it. It’s tarte tatin, a delicacy. It’s even made with apples. You’d love it if you tried it. I swear sometimes, I feel like a foal sitter. And as for you, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity lifted the table cloth back up, giving Dash a stern look, “there’s something I’ve been trying to tell you for an age, and now that you’re a captive audience perhaps you’ll have no chance but to listen this time.”

“Fine, whatever,” Dash said. “Just make it quick. I’m kind of in the middle of a huge problem here that I need your guys’ help with.”

“That we certainly both agree on.” Rarity laughed. “Though I suspect you’re referring to a different problem altogether than the one I’m trying to help you with.”

“What does that even mean?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Embarrassment,” Rarity said, all hint of amusement gone, her tone earnest. “There are two kinds of embarrassment. There’s the healthy, even useful, kind of embarrassment. It’s the kind that keeps you from making the same mistake twice. It’s the kind that keeps you from acting the boor towards your friends. It’s healthy. It’s normal. We all make a mess of things sometimes. Then we feel terribly embarrassed, and we dislike that feeling so much that we don’t make that same mess again. Or at least try not to.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Are you seriously lecturing me while I’m trapped under a restaurant table and glued to my best friend? Like, could this wait?”

“But there’s another kind of embarrassment,” Rarity continued. “It’s useless and bitter. We feel embarrassed for simple mistakes and understandings, near meaningless little slip ups. Sometimes even less than that. We feel embarrassed for the things we like, the things that make us happy. We feel ashamed of the ponies we care about, of the ponies we love. We become ashamed of ourselves and our feelings. It’s toxic. It’s ugly. It makes us feel ugly. It doesn’t lead to learning or growth, but only self loathing. And you, Rainbow Dash, are at times so full of that second kind that it’s dripping out of your ears.”

“That’s actually ice cream...” Dash muttered.

“What are you afraid of, Rainbow?” Rarity asked. “Who are you afraid of? Random passerby on the street? How often do you really think about all the embarrassing things that other ponies have done, particularly strangers? I’d wager that if you do at all, it’s only in passing. You forget other ponies’ embarrassments after a day, a week at most. But for some reason, you can never forgive your own.”

“Most ponies aren’t thinking about you half as often as you suspect,” Applejack said, sniffing the pastry on her plate and wrinkling her nose. “They’re too busy worryin’ about themselves to worry about you.”

Rainbow Dash did her best to look anywhere other than at Rarity and Applejack. “It’s not strangers that I’m worried about..”

“Then who?” Rarity asked. “Your friends? If your friends never forgive you for those little healthy embarrassments, they aren’t your friends. And if your friends make you feel ashamed for your feelings, for liking the things you like, for liking the ponies you like, they aren’t your friends. But we are your friends, and we forgive you for the little embarrassments, just as I hope you forgive my own many mistakes. And we would never be ashamed of your feelings, just as you never should.”

“Try us,” Applejack said, and dumped the tarte tatin on the ground while Rarity was busy with Rainbow, which Pinkie promptly grabbed and ate.

“Ugh,” Dash groaned. “Will guys stop showing me what an idiot I am for two seconds and help me get out of this stupid mess?”

“Of course,” Rarity said. “What do you need from us?”

“I just need a distraction. Something that’ll keep ponies attention long enough that I can get up onto one of those roofs without getting caught. Once we’re up there, I think I can get over to Twilight’s place on my own.”

“You could just walk out of here,” Applejack said. “Just walk on out from underneath the table and to wherever you want to go. No pony would care, and anypony who did isn’t a pony worth botherin’ with.”

“I know, okay, I get it,” Dash said. “I just—I can have all kinds of exciting self growth and revelations about my deepest darkest feelings later. Right now I just want to make it to Twilight’s without getting bothered, okay? Please?”

“Very well.” Rarity strode away from the table, towards the market. “Come, Applejack, the stage awaits!”

Applejack followed her at a distance. "I got a bad feelin' about this..."

Rarity walked, halted, rounded on Applejack, tears in her eyes. She thrust a hoof in Applejack’s face, crying, “You boor. You menace. The way you twist the strings of my heart, wrap me around your little hoof. Was it all just a game to you, a frivolous, meaningless little romp with the town’s resident romantic?”

Applejack scratched her head. “You got some funny ideas about what makes for a relaxin’ afternoon, you know that?”

“And you, cow polk, have some funny ideas about how to treat a lady!” Rarity said, fuming. A curious crowd began to gather. “Tell me now, once and for all. Did you mean anything you said, or were they all sweet nothings? Was it unbridled passion that drove you to write that poetry, or mocking cowardice?”

The crowd stared at Applejack. Applejack stared at Rarity. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie made an unseen escape onto a nearby roof.

“Be honest, for once in your life. Be straight, you too charming rogue.” Rarity took a deep breath. “Will you marry me?”

“Um.” Applejack yawned. “No thank you.”

Rarity gasped, reared, swooned. Ponies in the crowd leapt to catch her. “I am broken!” Rarity screamed, pushing them away. “My heart rended, my love a lie! How will I live? How will I continue on in this unbearable—”

Her waiter tapped her on the shoulder. “Your order of tarts is ready, ma’am.”

“Oh, lovely!” Rarity smiled, her demeanor immediately changed. “Nothing soothes a wounded heart better than sweets. Shall we, Applejack?” She trotted back to the table.

The crowd dispersed, and Applejack sat back down with her. “I think I’m gonna stop spending time with you.”

Author's Note

I guess I might as well finish this thing.

Part Four

Rainbow Dash kicked her hindlegs off the table, launched herself into the air, spread her wings, and flew. Sort of. She flew except when she stumbled over Pinkie’s weight and practically twisted her upside down mid flight. Fortunately Rainbow Dash was something something greatest flyer Equestria had ever seen something something Wonderbolt something something you get the idea. She arched her wings, corrected at the last second, and landed on her hooves instead of her face.

Where she landed was another matter. She’d only managed to make it back to the top of Cookies n’ Creams’ Cookies and Creams. Luckily ponies were still distracted with Rarity’s theatrics. Unluckily, Rainbow Dash was still glued to Pinkie in the most awkward position possible. More luckily, Rainbow Dash was still Rainbow Dash..

It’d be a challenge hauling Pinkie Pie up to Ponyville’s rooftops unseen. A familiar tingle ran up Dash’s spine, and she couldn’t help but smile a little. A challenge. It made this totally lame situation just a little cool, because Rainbow Dash was gonna totally nail it.

Rainbow Dash leapt into the air again, but instead of letting Pinkie’s weight drag her down, she angled to throw Pinkie’s weight forward, slung her friend up into the air. And up they went together, and up, and up, far higher than was necessary. But ‘necessary’ and ‘Rainbow Dash’ were listed opposite sides of the dictionary. At the crest of the loop, Rainbow Dash’s weight caught up with Pinkie’s. Dash held tight to Pinkie, shut her wings against her sides, fell backwards head over tail, and closed her eyes.

Dash’s stomach did its own little somersault, and then Pinkie and her were in free fall together. Rainbow Dash let gravity rip them towards the earth for one terrifying moment, then spread her wings again.

For a few moments, she didn’t have to think. She didn’t have to feel. All she did was fly. Up here in the sky, she didn’t have to worry about any stupid lame feelings. She didn’t have to think about any stupid lame insecurities. She didn’t have to think about how stupid and lame Rarity’s little lesson on embarrassment made her feel.

Up here, she could fly and forget everything else. Up here, away from all the eyes below, the weight of Pinkie’s body against hers felt comfortable instead of embarrassing. Rainbow Dash could relax, and just enjoy having a friend near.

But it only lasted a few moments, and then Rainbow and Pinkie were gliding gently back down onto a roof, back down into a totally uncool huggy cuddly sprinkly mess.

“That was actually pretty fun,” Dash said, stretching. Their speeding trip through the sky had gotten most of the ice cream off too. “We should, uh, fly more together sometime. You know, for practice.”

“Mmm hmm,” Pinkie mmm hmmed. “I’d like that.” Her voice was still weird. Distant. Not fun or silly or crazy. And Rainbow Dash hated it, hated how nasty it made her feel to have caused it.

There’d be time to figure out all that weird touchy feely junk later, though. First, was getting to Twilight’s, and getting out of this mess. “Shouldn’t take more than an hour to hop these roofs and make it back to Twilight’s Castle,” she said, scanning for the quickest path. “Then we can finally get rid of each other.”

Pinkie Pie tensed against her, and Rainbow immediately felt like an idiot for saying it. “Pinkie, I… uh, I didn’t mean it like that.” But what did she mean? That she wanted to keep hanging out and for it to be awesome instead of stupid? That she didn’t want to be embarrassed about all this lame touchy feely stuff anymore?

Jeez, this was all so stupid. Why couldn’t things just stay cool and uncomplicated forever? She and Pinkie Pie liked hanging out. And hugging. And maybe other things. Whatever. Why did it have to involve all these dumb feelings and stupid butterfly stomach stuff? Rainbow Dash couldn’t think of anything lamer than romance.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash?” Pinkie said, her voice quiet.

“Yeah?” Dash answered, knowing she wasn’t going to like whatever came next.

“I really am sorry,” Pinkie said. “I like being fun and bouncy and silly, and I like laughing, and I like making my friends laugh. I like making my friends happy. I like making you happy. But sometimes my friends aren’t happy, and I think, if they’d just be bouncy and silly and throw a party like me, then they would be happy. So that’s what I do! But not everypony wants to be happy the same way I do, and when I try to make them happy like me, I end up pushing them into doing something they don’t like, and I don’t even realize I’m doing it most of the time, and sometimes being friends is really confusing.”

Pinkie Pie tried to buck her leg in frustration, but all she managed was to awkwardly kick Dash in the stomach. “Like that time I dressed all of Fluttershy’s animals as ghosts and put scary makeup on them because she said she was afraid of Nightmare Night. I only wanted to show her how much fun being spooky was, but she stayed in her house for days, and I felt like a meany pants.”

“She forgave you, though,” Dash pointed out. “And she really did need to learn to stop being afraid of Nightmare Night.”

“She shouldn’t have to forgive me! Friends shouldn’t do things that friends have to forgive. Friends should know better. I want to be a good friend. I want to make my friends happy. But sometimes I just get it wrong. Like today…” Pinkie Pie gave Rainbow Dash a close squeeze. “You like snuggle-cuddle-rump-bumping me, Dashie. I know you do. I think I might like cuddle-buddy-smick-smacking with you more than any other pony. But then sometimes you don’t like it! Even though you really do! And it doesn’t make sense. Just because you think silly things about how other ponies will think you’re silly, like being silly is bad. I just wanted to show you…”

“Pinkie, it’s fine,” Dash said.

“It’s not fine!” Pinkie insisted. “It’s not fine to do things that make your friends mad. I just wanted to show you that no pony cared about us snuggle-bunny-butter-rubbing together, and you could like what you liked and didn’t have to be sad and worry about what other ponies thought. But I messed up, and I’m sorry.”

“Pinkie, I forgive you, okay?” Dash did her best to sound okay. “It’s fine for friends to have to forgive each other sometimes. Let’s just… let’s go to Twilight’s, and let’s not talk or think about any of this for just a little bit. I promise we’ll figure it all out later. This is just a lot for me all at once.”

“Okay, Dashie.” Pinkie kissed her neck, so softly Dash barely felt it. Even then, small as it was, the kiss made Dash feel ticklish all over.

Jeez, Dash really was a mess. One little kiss and she turned as girly as Rarity. Rainbow Dash shook it all out of her, from head to tail, shaking Pinkie Pie too, like a dog shaking water out of its fur. She didn’t need to think about it now. She wasn’t going to think about it now. All she had to think about was getting to Twilight’s.

Dash took off at a trot, jumped from this roof to another, flaring her wings to land gently. Without stopping, she hopped to the next roof. Soon, she had gotten into an easy rhythm of running leaps and soft landings. Moving felt good. She had hid in ice cream tubs and underneath tables so long her muscles got stiff. Life was so much easier when she could keep moving.

But of course, her stupid dumb brain wouldn’t let her stop thinking about it. Her stupid dumb brain made her turn all these feelings over and over, like turning a piece of hard candy over in her mouth. Except the candy tasted bitter and confusing, and she couldn’t make herself spit out.

Obviously, Rarity was right, and Applejack, and Pinkie Pie, and everyone else. Everyone was right except Rainbow Dash. Fine. Whatever. She didn’t care. Dash knew they were right. She knew she didn’t need to be embarrassed about liking Pinkie Pie. She knew her friends wouldn’t care. She knew it shouldn’t matter to her even if somepony did care.

But when Rainbow Dash thought about hanging out with Pinkie out in public, and being all lovey dovey when other ponies were watching, Dash’s face turned so hot she thought she might have a sunburn. She tried to ignore it, but the more she thought about ignoring it, the more she thought about ponies thinking she was silly and cutesy, and not taking her serious anymore. And she knew she shouldn’t care, but she did care. And it was all just the worst.

So what then? What were you supposed to do when you knew shouldn’t feel a certain way, but you felt it anyway? Why was it so hard to feel the right way? It was so obvious. It was so easy. Except it wasn’t at all. Rainbow Dash wanted to be calm and cool about liking other ponies. She wanted kissing and dates and love and stuff to be as normal for her as for other ponies. She wanted to be like other ponies. But her feelings kept getting in the way.

What was wrong with her?

Part Five

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie went on a totally lame adventure across the rooftops of Ponyville, and it was girly-makeover dumb and nachos-without-hot-sauce stupid the whole way. Except when it was kind of sort of ok. Because Pinkie Pie was there, and it was hard to act too-cool-for-school while strapped to a bouncing giggling tangly pink fluff ball.

So Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie went on a lame rooftop adventure, that was cool sometimes, most times, except when it wasn’t, because Pinkie made it cool, even when she made it completely not cool.

It was confusing.

And maybe Rainbow drew it out by flying through several more somersaults, flip flops, flop flips, and corkscrews than were strictly necessary. And maybe she did all that because she knew Pinkie Pie loved somersaults, flip flops, flop flips, and corkscrews. And maybe Rainbow was starting to realize she kind of liked having Pinkie around a lot. But maybe probably not. That was confusing too.

None of that mattered anymore though, because right now Rainbow Dash was somersaulting, flip flopping, flop flipping, and corkscrewing right through Twilight’s open window. Dash braced herself for impact. Except instead of slamming into a bookshelf like usual, Dash landed upside down on a huge cushion. And instead of an avalanche of books crashing to the ground, only a handful of volumes fell in a pile around her.

Rainbow Dash relaxed. She’d made it. She made it all the way across Ponyville to Twilight’s castle without getting seen even once. And she’d only had to soak in a sticky freezing bucket of ice cream for, like, and hour or two to make it happen.

Beneath her, Pinkie Pie said, “So uh, what’re we doing here, Dashie?”

“Let’s just sit here a second,” Dash said, huffing and puffing, still out of breath from the aerial acrobatics.

“Okie dokie,” Pinkie said, and squeezed Dash a little tighter as they sank into the cushion together. Dash didn’t try to stop her. Pinkie hummed a nonsensical little melody, and Rainbow Dash allowed herself to be calmed.

A book of math equations had fallen open onto Rainbow Dash’s face. She didn’t move it. A real estate agent received a 6% commission on the selling price of a house. If his commission was $8,880, what was the selling price of the house? Rainbow could live the rest of her life like this. Buried beneath a heap of hardbacks, two-plus-twos stuck to her eyelids. She’d never have to think about any gooey embarrassing confusing frufru feelings ever again. She’d lie in the cold incomprehensible embrace of lame-brain math equations until her head turned into an actual egg. In a shop, the cost of 4 shirts, 4 pairs of trousers and 2 hats is $560. The cost of 9 shirts, 9 pairs of trousers and 6 hats is $1,290. What is the total cost of 3 shirts, 4 pair of trousers and 6 hats? Rainbow Dash imagined herself wearing four trousers and Pinkie Pie wearing six hats. Together they formed a ridiculous garishly wardrobed mathematical equation. Solve for weird social anxiety multiplied by cutie-petootie public displays of affection.

Rainbow Dash dwelt in a hypothetical word problem trouser shop until she heard Twilight say, “Aha! I got you!”

Dash cringed. She’d completely forgotten where she was and what she was doing and, most importantly, who she was still glued to. Twilight had caught her snuggling with Pinkie Pie, and even worse, apparently seriously contemplating math problems.

Rainbow Dash jumped onto her hooves, dragging Pinkie Pie up with her and shouting, “This isn’t what it looks like!”

“Oh, yeah?” Twilight said, grinning. “Because it looks to me like the Pinkie Dash Cataclysmic Impact Diminisher just completed its first successful test.”

Rainbow Dash blinked at her.

Pinkie Pie lit a sparkler in celebration.

Twilight put the books back in their places on the shelves.

“The what?” Dash asked.

Twilight pointed at the massive cushion Rainbow Dash had landed in, which Dash now noticed had been placed strategically opposite the window through which Dash usually made her most bombastic entrances. And consequently, her most destructive entrances.

“Theoretically, it should reduce the post-Pinkie Dash cataclysmic impact cleanup time by as much as ninety percent!” Twilight said, chipper as a an egghead with a new calculator. “Spike will be thrilled.”

“We love it!” Pinkie Pie cheered.

“Huh,” Dash muttered. “So, uh, you don’t care about…?”

“Care about what?” Twilight asked, oblivious.

“Nothing,” Dash felt her face grow hot. Stupid stupid stupid. How many times could she be totally completely wrong about her friends in one day?

Twilight finished cleaning up the books. “So what brings you girls here?”

“Uh, well, we actually kind of need your help,” Dash said, indicating the pink pony still glued to her.

“Yeah, I, um,” Pinkie started, and too her credit, sounded genuinely bashful. “I might have used that magic glue you told me not to use to do that thing you told me not to do. I’m sorry.”

Twilight groaned. “I knew it. Pinkie, I told you no for a reason. And how did it go? Exactly like I said it would?”

“Worse,” Pinkie said.

“It’s fine,” Dash interjected, putting herself between Pinkie and a lecture. “She’s fine. I’m fine. We’re all fine. I just want to be done with this mess now, please?”

“All right,” Twilight said, looking disappointed by the lost soapbox. “The effects should wear off by the end of the day, if you can wait that long.”

“I really kind of don’t think I can wait that long,” Dash said. “Isn’t there anything else we can do?”

“I’m not sure.” Twilight considered. “I think I might have read something about a counter spell, but it would take me some time to track down, and more time to prepare.”

“Could you please do that?” Dash asked, her voice cracking a little, sounding way more pathetic and anxious than she had intended.

“Yeah, absolutely,” Twilight said quickly, looking surprised, maybe at just how desperate Dash really was. “I’ll get right on it. Just wait here.”

“Thanks,” Dash said.

Twilight turned and walked away. Then stopped. Looking back at them, she said, “Rainbow, I know this has probably been really stressful for you, and I don’t approve of what Pinkie Pie did, but…” Twilight trailed off and shook her head. “I used to think it was amazing how Celestia always knew just the right thing to say. But now that I’m a princess too, and I’m supposed to be guiding ponies like her, I realize she’s really more than just amazing, to always know just what to say. I wish I could tell you exactly what you needed to hear. But the truth is, I think relationships are something you have to figure out on your own. But I want you to know that I think both of you, both you and Pinkie, are more than capable of figuring this out together. And whatever you do, your friends will support you, okay?”

“I know,” Rainbow said. “Thanks, Twilight.”

Twilight nodded and left.

Except Rainbow Dash hadn’t known. Again and again and again she hadn’t known. Rainbow Dash considered each of her friends reactions to seeing her and Pinkie together. Applejack had barely even noticed. Twilight cared way more about her ‘cataclysmic impact diminisher’ than anything Dash and Pinkie were doing together. Rarity had even tried to help them out. It seemed like the only pony in the world who cared enough about any of this to freak out was Rainbow Dash.

“Hey, Pinkie,” Dash said.

“Mmhmm?” Pinkie sing-songed.

“I know you kind of told me before, but could you tell me again why you did all this?” Dash started to feel a bizarre confusing knot in her stomach. “You know, the gluing, and the hug, and all of it?”

PInkie Pie hesitated. “Sometimes I do silly things without really thinking…”

“Except you did think about this,” Dash said. “Just please be straight with me. I’m kind of a little dense sometimes, and I need things spelled out, even obvious things. Please?”

“I like you a lot, like more than a friend likes a friend,” Pinkie said simply. “And I’m pretty sure you like me too, but you don’t want any other ponies to see it, even me sometimes. So I thought if I made you let other ponies see us together, you’d see that it was fine, and then maybe you’d realize you like me too.”

Obviously. Duh. Dash noticed that the knot in her stomach was completely gone. And of course Rarity knew, and it seemed Twilight did too, and probably Applejack, and maybe even all of Ponyville. Rainbow Dash was the last pony in the world to know her own feelings.

“Why do feelings have to be so tangly and weird?” Dash asked. “Why do we have to talk about them? Why do we have to ruin things by naming them? Dating. Marefriend. Ugh. Why can’t we just do what makes us happy, and never talk about it, and never name it, and just be okay never saying anything to anypony?”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Pinkie said.

“Rarity asked me before what I’m so afraid of,” Dash started. “Well, I’m afraid of ponies laughing at me, ok? I’m afraid of other ponies seeing me acting cuddly and dumb, and then they’ll think I am cuddly and dumb.”

“But you are cuddly and dumb!” Pinkie said. “And I love it. Especially the cuddly part.”

“I know.” Rainbow Dash fell back onto the cushion. “I know we’re all not supposed to care what anypony else thinks about us. I know I’m not supposed to care what anyone pony thinks about my feelings. I know I’m not supposed to care if anypony laughs at me. But I do. I care. I can’t stop caring. I don’t know how to stop.”

“I think it’s ok to want other ponies to like you,” Pinkie said after a while.

“Even when that makes you do totally stupid things, like hiding in tubs of ice cream?” Dash buried her face in the cushion. It was easier than looking at Pinkie.

“But you know there’s a problem, and you know what the problem is. Maybe we can just fix it?” Pinkie said.

Rainbow Dash shook her head. She was past trying to explain her feelings. She was past even trying to understand her feelings.

After a long time, Pinkie said, “Gummy’s a good swimmer now, but he used to be really scared of the water. The first time I tried to help him, I just threw him right into the pool, and that didn’t work at all, and he bit me right on the nose. Then I decided I’d just let him figure it out on his own, but that didn’t work either, because he wouldn’t go anywhere near the water by himself. Friends need friends. Finally, we just went in little tiny baby alligator steps. One day, we started with the shallowest water I could find. Then the next day we went just a itty bitty little bit deeper. It took a really long time, like weeks and weeks, and I thought he’d never learn to swim. But we just kept going a little bit at a time, and now he’s not afraid anymore.”

Sure, that made sense, Dash thought. Just like not being so bothered by her feelings in the first place made sense. Not caring about what other ponies thought of her made sense too. Knowing something makes sense and then actually doing that something were a million miles apart. Dash buried her face deeper into the cushion. “How would we even start?” Dash asked, her voice muffled.

“Like this,” Pinkie said, and lifted Dash’s head up and kissed her. It was a simple and small gesture.

Looking right into Pinkie’s face, seeing her smile, hearing her sound so sure, Dash couldn’t help smiling back. “Just one step at a time?” she asked.

“Not even that,” Pinkie whispered. “One teeny tiny jelly bean sized step at a time, and we’d never go faster than you were ready for, and we’d stop however many times you want, just as long as we always take one more step.”

“I think maybe I could do that,” Dash said.

“I know you can,” Pinkie said.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie got up of the cushion together. Suddenly, hiding with her face in the cushion felt very silly. Dash left the library with the intention of finding Twilight, but when she got to the stairs, she went down towards the foyer instead of up to the study. When she got to the study, she went to the front door. She didn't think about it. It almost felt like someone was walking for her.

“Hey!” Twilight called behind her.

Dash hesitated at the door.

“I was able to find the counter spell,” Twilight said when she reached them. “It’s an easy one, and I shouldn’t have any problem getting you two separated.”

Rainbow Dash looked between Twilight and the door, and then looked at Pinkie Pie. Pinkie smiled back. “Actually, I think we’re just gonna let it wear off on its own,” Dash said.

“Are you sure?” Twilight asked. “I could do it right now. One minute and everything could be back to normal.”

“No, I’m not sure at all. I’m so not sure that it’s kind of freaking me out,” Dash said, turning away. “But I’m pretty sure I don't want everything to go back to normal.”

With that, Rainbow Dash opened the door, and she and Pinkie went out into Ponyville together. They took one step, and another, and another. And sometimes Rainbow Dash was gonna screw up or trip, and that was okay. And sometimes Rainbow Dash wasn’t going to want to take any steps at all, and that was okay too. Because she and Pinkie Pie were going together.

Oh, and they went back to the ice cream stall and paid for that bucket of ice cream they ruined.

Author's Note

Wow, it's finished. And it only took three years!