Pretty Simple

by Gulheru

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Dinky Hooves
Length: 2892

Discord has just made a new friend. He has absolutely no idea what to make out of it.

Oh, it's so good I've managed to catch you! Surely you will be able to help me out.

No, I haven't done anything wrong! I swear, what's with the lack of faith?

Anyway, I need you to sit down and listen carefully. I am not good enough at Friendship yet, so I need a specialist and I need one now!

---

Granted the Community Choice award in the Everfree Northwest 2015 Pre-Con Writing Contest.

Published 2015-03-18 22:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-18 22:40:02 UTC

Are you listening?

Alright, let me begin.

You know that sunny days in Ponyville aren't anything particularly unique or unimaginable, but calm sunny days in Ponyville? Now, that is a different story! Have you spotted that this little town has a truly remarkable trait of causing challenges and troubles to appear out of thin air? Forcing the inhabitants to flee away, with obligatory screaming, while your little, local FWAT—Friendly Weapons And Tactics—tackles the issue.

Yes, true, some of those aforementioned problems had been caused by moi, Discord, the one and only! But what was I supposed to do, hmmm? I am but the Spirit of Chaos, doing my duty to the community I am now a genuine part of! Giving others an opportunity to live up to their values! Providing chances to prove one’s worth, right?

Right?

... no?

... not at all...?

Bah, who needs public appreciation anyway? I am and have to be proud of at least some of my stellar work!

Alright, alright, I hear you! I am a bit, a tiny, tiny bit apologetic about a couple of my... insignificant misdemeanors. You know, I am still new to the whole idea of Friendship! And, well, as much as I am surprised to find the merits of this concept, some of its tenets continue to be a bit elusive. Like, I still think eavesdropping counts as a viable method of learning what my friends are up to! Also, keeping up with all of my buddies, well, that is hard work.

So, as an Equestria’s citizen of good standing, I do deserve some leisure from time to time. Met with a tranquil and lazy day, that particular kind I had mentioned, I could not have stopped myself from enjoying a nap on the outskirts of the town.

Perhaps it is Rainbow Dash’s habit rubbing off on me, but who cares? Naps are awesome!

That day all I did care about was a pair of apple trees that I had emancipated from Sweet Apple Acres...

No, not “stolen”. “Emancipated”. No, I didn’t ask Applejack’s permission, those trees had literally begged me to help them break their chains of submission.

Yes, yes, I’ve put them back where I had taken them from, may I continue now?

So, two trees, a glass of my favorite chocolate milk in my paw, and a new hammock, set high enough so that I could have reached on a whim for any wayward candy-floss clouds.

The perfect setting.

So, I am about to utterly relax and hum a tune I have overheard once...

Oh? It goes like: “This day is going to be perfect.” It’s quite catchy!

But! Before I can begin enjoying my own musical talent (and I do have one, a most charming, blue siren once told me that) a gust of wind brings with itself somewhat harsh and biting critique. First something pulls on my antler and the next thing I know is a clump of paper and sticks hitting me squarely in the face!

I am not a crybaby, it did hurt! But that wasn’t the weirdest thing! This whole occurrence was accompanied by a squealing inhale coming from somewhere below my resting place.

“Oh, sorry, I’m sorry!”

So, I hear a panicked voice apologizing to me. I rise up from the hammock, naturally after I did remove from my face the interloper—a simple, red and yellow kite. Down below on the grassy field I see a small, violet unicorn filly, one of those pesky children running around the place, you know those. Well, that kid was clearly abashed and a bit panicked over this unfortunate collision of her toy and me, the Spirit of Chaos himself!

“I-I’m sorry, Mister Discord! I didn't mean to disturb you!”

She shouts upwards, towards me, her almost orange eyes with honestly apologetic look to them and I can only snicker at this. No, don’t judge me, it is somewhat nice to hear an honest apology, especially in such an innocently concerned tone.

I can appreciate such gestures, I’ll have you know!

“No worries, everything is fine!” I assure her, even waving at her. I then lay back down, ready to drown in my relaxation again, only to be disturbed once more, can you imagine?

“Uhm, Mister Discord?”

“Yes, what is it?” I inquire. It was the polite thing to do.

Stop grinning, I know what it means to be polite. It seems that the prolonged hanging out with ponies taught me this well enough.

Stop grinning, I mean it! Ugh, where was I? Ah, yes...

“C-could I have my kite back, please...?”

She asks me with a pleading tone. That makes me realize that the string of her toy is still tied around my glorious antler. I am not into jewelry, but I swear, that kite was hanging down loosely like a most astonishing, counterfeit earring. So, with a snap of my talons I make my new paper knickknack flap its sides like a giant butterfly.

And, just between the two of us, I think Fluttershy would really enjoy that trick!

So, the kite does a couple of circles around my head—that string’s knot was bewilderingly complex—and then descends joyously down to be reunited with that filly. It is doing loops and hammerheads and other aerobatic maneuvers, the wild thing.

Yes, it did finally land on the grass, spent. Kites are not known for their athleticism, all in all.

After the toy did land I hear this utter amazement from below.

“Wow... That’s so cool!”

Cool, why of course! I realize, making myself comfortable once again, that my chocolate milk is missing some ice! A wonderfully warm day and I don’t have ice in my chocolate milk, I mean, what was I thinking?!

“Mister Discord?”

Just, just before I summon a little hail cloud to come to my aid, I hear yet another call from the filly.

At that point I was seriously considering grabbing me some earplugs!

Cue the long sigh.

“Yeeeees?” I lazily reply, sincerely hoping that the child will soon decide to leave me alone in my moment of decadent recreation. Here’s hoping, right?

“Would you... like to fly the kite with me, Mister Discord?”

I blink.

It does nothing, so I blink twice more.

That’s equally effective, so I blink with my ears. My nose. My tooth.

I’m running out of body parts to blink with and the offer is not vacating my mind at all.

Which (the horror, the horror!) meant that I did not simply hear things.

So I twisted the hammock upside down, okay? And then I met that filly’s gaze. That sincere, pleading and, to my utter disbelief, hopeful gaze.

At that point I was about to question whether she was aware that she was talking to me. But I wasn’t dressed up or anything, so that couldn’t have been it! And she did refer to me as “Mister Discord”.

So, there I was, surprised as never, being asked to participate in flying a kite out of all things.

Admittedly, I did panic a little bit...

“Uhm, I’m a bit occupied right now... Chaos business, kid,” I say, although with a lot less conviction than planned. But, to bolster this statement, I summon a number of scrolls and quills.

Oh, let me tell you, chaos business is a rough, unforgiving industry! All those parchments were trying to get my undivided attention and critical signature.

Why? So that the local distributors of Chaos would have their Boss’ permission, that’s why! To further conduct the dealings of Discord Inc., of course! We are a young, developing company, giving work to, as of now: 1356 parasprites, 46 timberwolves, 30 manticores, 3 cockatrices and even a lonesome windigo—we are emphasizing on the cultural diversity of our crew! We are storming the market in a vicious rivalry with countless other enterprises! Like the abhorrent ACME... Ugh, I hate those dull scribblers!

Anyway, if you would desire to join us, we have a great health insurance policy. And, for you and you alone, a membership card for all of Equestria’s libraries!

Oh, you have that already...? Of course you do. Right, back to the story then.

So, at that moment, the Boss simply wanted a vacation. A break that the little filly was keen on interrupting.

She hears my response and her ears drop. I swear, ponies have one of the most heartrending physical gestures of sadness!

“Oh... Okay... I’m sorry that I've bothered you then, Mister Discord...” she whispers and I hear it all too well.

I decide to ignore it at first. I revert the hammock back to the original state and close my eyes, knowing she is leaving and won’t bother me anymore.

I do feel that judging stare on me.

I simply wanted a day off, okay? There was nothing wrong with that! The little filly could have flown the kite herself. With some lack of experience as the crash proved, but still!

She didn’t need me to have fun and to enjoy the day!

“Discord...”

... to have her amusement!

“Discord.”

... to achieve her goal of innocent, whimsical assuagement!

”Discord!”

Gah! I know!

Honestly, if anyone would reach the point when his own glass of chocolate milk would be giving him a disapproving look, then, well...

Not to mention that my newborn, mental concept (I have called it Conscience, I don’t know why) seems to have finally learned to talk! And it did call me out by my name, which is a blessing for any father! There is just one drawback to it.

It sounds exactly like a certain... purple... exemplary... Princess of Friendship!

Stop laughing, I request a voice-over! Give me Fluttershy, Celestia, Rover the Diamond Dog, whoever!

What do you mean by: “So what did you do?” What was I to do when faced with such nagging?! I frowned in defeat, my brain waving a tiny, mental white flag that it bought during its last voyage to Prance, and got my sorry rump up from the hammock.

As hammocks make excellent rope ladders, I descend upon the meadow, right next to the filly who is now sitting oh-so-lonely on the grass, her kite resting near her. She doesn't look like she even acknowledges me.

“Uhm...”

I suddenly forget the entire vocabulary. Mind bookworms had a grand feast when I wasn’t paying attention and I am left without any words to start a conversation. I scavenge the remnants of my pillaged mind. Desperately!

“So... what’s your name?”

... what a stupid way of starting, no? I am not prone to blushing in embarrassment, but I feel that I am beginning to and it’s dreadful. The filly blinks a couple of times, then looks at me, her eyes a bit wet.

Bizarre, as it wasn't raining.

“I’m Dinky, Mister Discord. Dinky Hooves.”

“Ah, what a resplendent name for a such a lovely, marvelous young mare!” I reply with sophistication and unmatched grace.

Oh, who am I trying to kid? I might have responded like that if I had an hour at least to formulate my sentence. I simply said: “That’s... a nice name.” You know, I have lived for... a long time, let’s leave it at that, but I have never sounded so dull.

“Thanks, Mister Discord, I like yours as well...” Dinky replies to me, wiping her eyes dry and giving me a little smirk.

I have never before in my existence heard a sentence like that. Not that I am not aware of the chaotic allure of my one-of-a-kind name, but... I don’t think anyone has ever told me just that.

“Why, thank you, Dinky... So... you've wanted to fly a kite with me?”

“Mhm.”

A discourse of the highest quality, right there. The only consolation prize that I could think of was that I wasn’t going to engage in a metaphysical discussion about the nature of the Universe with the filly, but to play.

Play.

And not play on her, but play with her.

She smiles a wide, amiable grin and hands me the string of the kite.

“Could you make it a butterfly again?” she asks me, her gaze as hopeful as it was before, even if it was an archetype of sadness but a second ago.

Scary, let me tell you, that change. And I know a thing or two about changes!

It’s not any complicated Chaos magic, it really isn't, animating an object. It simply involves allowing it to fulfill its hidden dreams and ambitions. And this kite’s desire was to become the prettiest, prettiest butterfly, it seemed.

I snap my talons again, holding the string with my paw and the red-yellow toy starts dancing again in the wind, trying to fly higher and higher. Turn, revolve, circle and all of that. I keep it on a fairly long leash, watching it prancing in the sky.

And Dinky?

And Dinky is laughing merrily like a little kid!

... that she is, that is! She. Is. Whatever.

She is watching the kite go left and right and up and down and back up again! She is jumping when it comes lower, trying to catch it like the butterfly it thinks it is, her eyes focused on the toy like it’s some sort of a wonderful miracle!

And it’s not! It’s just a kite! Unless I have a severe sight impediment!

So I chuckle, witnessing her joy. It’s emanating from her so much that I don’t want it to end. I do a little hocus-pocus and I summon another kite, this one blue and green. It joins its older brother in the prancing. Dinky is awestruck at first, then she starts laughing even louder and more vigorously.

The two toys are chasing one another, playing tag, and we are down on the meadow watching them, chortling, guffawing, cachinnating and finding other, synonymic, loud expressions of fun! And I know not when it came to be so!

But two is not enough, of course, so I make even more kites! Smaller, bigger, wider, narrower, diamond, sled, box, all of those! I let them frolic as they please, only making sure that the flock is not going completely bananas. It takes a good measure of multitasking to keep all the strings from tying into a ginormous knot, but I am somehow managing, all to Dinky’s boundless amusement.

A cloud of rainbow kites is now above the meadow and I let them sit down on me, like I am a very, very inept scarecrow. The filly approaches me, panting deeply from all the laughing, and I make one of the smallest toys sit right on her nose, causing her to become wonderfully cross-eyed.

Her eyes lit up in a way only a child’s eyes can, you know?

I laugh, looking up, and I suddenly spot that the afternoon is gone. Poof! It’s evening. And, I swear, I blame Celestia for this! She must have pulled a joke on me! It is impossible for a portion of the day to pass that quickly without perhaps me being somehow responsible for it! And I wasn't!

Dinky looks up too and, spotting the sun going down, sighs.

“I will need to go now, Mister Discord, my mom will get worried if I don’t get home soon,” she whispers lamentably.

And I don’t know what overtook me!

I grab her...

I lift her up...

... and I give her a warm, caring hug, the one that a cute, wonderful filly like her rightfully deserves. And she nestles against my chest like a little monkey, the cherub!

I was already quite shaken by this day, take that into consideration. You know, quickened pulse, shortage of breath, a weird feeling in the chest—I was on the verge of something akin to a heart attack, I swear!

Now, bear with me, here it comes.

She looks up at me, her gaze so unique and bright I can feel it piercing straight through me, and I hear her question, clear and simple.

“Mister Discord... will you be my friend?”

...

...

...

That right there was my brain going flatline.

***

“And that’s that! I have no idea where my afternoon went, as Celestia claims to have had nothing to do with it! I have a flock of hungry kites gallivanting around the place, which I have made using my omni– using my omnip– using my unlimited power! And I have, allegedly, made a friend!”

Hearing Discord’s tirade was worth having him summon a chaise longue right in the middle of Twilight’s office and fill the room with clipboards and pens that were meticulously writing down all of his thoughts on the matter, akin to a whole commission of skilled psychiatrists. Twilight has agreed to act the part of the "Absolute Expert" as the draconequus was pouring his heart out.

“I mean, Friendship is Magic and all, but doesn’t meeting new friends involve a bowl of immediate, World-threatening crisis, a copious spoon of epic struggle, one or two ripe, tough decisions, seasoning of betrayal, despair and reconciliation to taste, then a minute or so in rainbow beams until the Friendship is golden brown?!”

Twilight stifled a giggle. She tried to sound serious, despite his description making her genuinely hungry.

“You see, Discord, sometimes making friends is not easy. But it can be pretty simple.”