Married and Unavailable

by beatbox9988

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Anthro
Length: 3367

Big Package is in for the ride of his life when he suddenly wakes up to find that he's the target of all the married mares in Equestria. Infidelity abounds.

It was just another regular day for Big Package. Yep. That's his name. Don't ask.

Wake up, deliver mail, and go to sleep. It was simple. Routine. His routine. All that's about to change when some cosmic force decided to screw with him and make him the target of all the married mares in Equestria!

Contains: Infidelity, Porn with little to no actual plot.

Published 2015-03-19 08:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-19 08:10:02 UTC

Princess Cadance

Author's Note

Crystal phones exist.

Also, this is just a story that I needed to get back into the writing game, so please don't expect a masterpiece. Critiques, however harsh, are welcome.

Princess Cadance

You know one of those mornings that you just doesn't feel right? That was one of those mornings for me. The coffee machine broke on me, leaving me without my much needed morning fuel. A spider decided it would have been a nice time to perch on my hand while I ate my cereal, so I couldn’t enjoy that, either. Then when I decided to do some early morning shopping, I found out that I had left my bag full of bits back at home. Not that I had much to begin with.

So I guess my rather shoddy mood was somewhat justified as I pushed my way into the office to begin my route. My mane was an unkept mess, but everybody that worked in the Canterlot post office knew better than to approach me in this state. Everyone gave a wide berth as I made my way inside the locker room. Well, everyone except one, that is.

“Big Package!” That was my name. Yes. For some cosmic reason that is still unknown to this day, my mother had the bright idea to give me that Celestia damned name. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my mother to death, but she could be quite the airhead sometimes. And it’s not because I had a big- well actually it was a little above aver-That’s enough brain!

“What is it, Snails?” He kept up his upbeat demeanor, but I could see a little twitch in the corner of that smile of his. He was a good pony, always smiling and trying to cheer others up around him, but he wasn’t exactly what you'd call the best mailpony around. He would oftentimes be late on his deliveries, and that nickname stuck with him. Hopefully, he’d get the hint that I was in a bad mood and that he would leave me alone.

I had no such luck.

“How’s it going?” He asked good naturedly as he approached me.

I punched him in the face.

I grabbed my bag and ran for the door.

~0~

Besides the rather low wages, being a mailpony has been pretty easy, especially for a pegasus. I made my deliveries in a grid, working efficiently as I delivered letter after letter, and the odd package or so, the usual.

Still, today just felt a little… off. What could it have been? Back then, I couldn’t have known, as you could probably already tell, I wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. You couldn’t call me a superstitious pony either. The sun hung high in the sky, and plenty of clouds provided shade to the denizens below if they sought for it. It was just another typical day in Canterlot and all was well.

I sighed. Maybe I was just over thinking things? I recounted today's events in my head. I had a bad morning, decked Snails in the face, and delivered some mail. I sighed again, feeling my stiff shoulders and wings. I flexed them a little, but it did no good.

Looking through the lists of addresses, I found that a package was to be delivered to the royal palace. Well that was unusual, I had thought to myself. I thought the palace had, like, some sort of royal courier or something. Shrugging, I stretched my wings and took flight.

The palace was huge. And rather lax in its security, as I found out. I just strolled right in. Nobody cared about a mailpony I guess. Huh. That’s sort of depressing actually. I felt like I was invisible. What if I carried a bomb? Couldn’t that have aroused suspicion?

I clutched my bag close to my chest, shifting my eyes in a not-so-subtle manner. Yes, I am a rather dumb pony. Forgive me?

”Ah-hem.”

Mail. Mail everywhere. That was the only thought I had as I was nearly startled half to death. I turned around to see a rather disgruntled looking royal guard. “What is your business here?” he asked with a gruff voice that was like a cross between a bear and Fluttershy after she stepped in poison joke. How would I know that, you may ask? Well, that little incident happened during on one of my deliveries when I was stationed in Ponyville until they got that ditzy mailmare to replace me. It was hilarious watching her try to thank me in that deep baritone voice of hers.

Also, Derpy. Stupid, stupid lovable Derpy.

I picked up the package that was addressed to the royal palace before showing it to him. His harsh gaze softened as he told me to follow him, though things would have progressed a little more smoothly if Mr. Cough Drops had helped me pick up my mail.

Yep. That was his name now. Cough Drops, ‘cause he sounded like he really needed some.

Anyway, back on topic, I was lead to a very unassuming door, where I was left unsupervised as the guard merely walked away. I was beginning to seriously question whoever was in charge of security.

I rapped on the door three times. Short and professional. If it had been regular mail, I would have just dropped it off and would have been on my merry way, but no, this was a package, and I needed the signature of whoever was beyond the door. I didn’t know what to expect. At the time, the package was merely addressed to a “Cadance.”

Like I said, I wasn’t a very smart pony.

“Come in,” said the voice from within.

My hand grasped the doorknob, and I pushed the door open. It slid on well-oiled hinges. Maybe I should ask where I could get some.

My brain threatened to shut down at the sight of the pony before me: Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Cadance. Cadenza. When my brain finally made the connection, the only thing that stopped me from facepalming was the princess herself.

The princess looked at me questioningly with her bright purple eyes. “Did you… want something?”

“Delivery.” I eked out. Goddesses I must have looked like an idiot. I stood there, waiting for what felt like an eternity for her reply. Was she… blushing? She looked cute.

“Oh, uh, thank you,” she said.

I dug out the package from my delivery bag and handed it to her, followed by a pen and clipboard for her to sign. I didn’t know what was in the package of course, I didn’t pry. I may not be a smart pony, but I can be discreet. What other ponies had delivered to them was none of my business, but the way her face was blushing red and the way she averted her eyes made me just… a little curious.

Okay, a lot curious. She looked up from the clipboard and looked at me. I suddenly felt a little squirmish as she held her gaze for a little too long. She then looked at the package I had brought her, and then to me, and then back to the package again. At this point, I think I would’ve given a limb to know what was going in that pretty little head of hers. What can I say? She was a pretty pink pony princess. And she had some nice curves too. No stop it brain!

And another thing that struck me as odd was the clothes on her back. She wore a light, pink tank top and white short shorts. It looked… good on her, of course, but it was a little jarring to look at the princess dressed so casually.

I caught sight of the ring on her finger and reminded myself that she was married. The princess was on her knees. Oh, what were her hands doing? She looked like she was fondling with my zipper. My member finally popped out, a little flaccid, and her eyes seemed to shine appraisingly, if that made any sense. She stroked it a couple of times before giving the tip a lick.

Did I ever tell you that my coffee machine broke today? Because it did.

I am not a smart pony. And apparently, I was a little slow too. If only Snails could look at me now.

”What the fuck!?” Maybe my reaction was a little much. Could you blame me? I mean, it’s not everyday you get a blowjob from a princess right? Or was that just me? Does everyone get blowjobs from princesses nowadays?

My member popped out of her mouth and I winced as it grazed dangerously against her pearly white teeth. Heh. Popped. Multiple strands of saliva seemed adamant about not letting go as it clung on to the tip of my member to her pretty little lips. Maybe I should find another adjective, ‘cause ‘pretty’ was getting kind of old. What can I say? She was a pretty pink po-No stop it brain.

She merely looked at me, her expression schooled into one of perfect neutrality. Sure. It wasn’t like she just had my dick in her mouth or anything. What do I say? What can I say? What does one say to a princess who just tried giving you an impromptu fellatio?

Said princess opened her mouth to speak, but I could only imagine myself sticking my meat stick into that pretty little mouth of hers again. Damnit brain.

“Let me explain myself,” she said.

With as much decorum as someone who had their dick out of their pants, I said, “Please do.”

She grabbed the package in her magic and tore it open to reveal… a dildo. A dildo. It’s black, it’s phallic, hey were there ridges on the side- it’s a goddamn dildo. This is weird. “I assume you know what this is.” This whole day is weird. “I got this beca-”

“You’re weird!” Fuck me in the ass and my stupid fucking brain. On second thought, as I stared at the dildo, I’d rather not find out how that would feel right now.

In response, the pink pony princess puffed out her cheeks as she pouted at me. Ponies shouldn’t be allowed to look that cute.

“It’s not my fault! I just thought that the real thing would have been better than some cheap plastic.” I personally don’t think that that should have been running through her head at the moment, but okay.

My brain started to hurt from all the thinking that I had had to do today, painfully reminding me why I was a mailpony in the first place. Wake up, deliver mail, go back to sleep. Routine. Simple. Predictable.

Now I’m staring at the princess like she had grown a second head.

Taking that as consent in some cosmic universe, she advanced towards me again, still on her knees as she gently grabbed my member and gave it a few strokes. “Aw, its gone soft on me. We can’t have that…” she cooed rather seductively. It’s amazing what an octave lower could do to a pony’s voice. I shuddered, whether it was from her deft handwork or seductive tone, I couldn’t tell. Either way, it was getting me hard and the princess looked pretty pleased about it.

Thinking was already a pretty difficult concept for me to wrap my head around in. Now that the supply of blood was being directed somewhere other than my brain, I couldn’t think without the risk of a serious migraine.

She was bobbing her head now. Oh hey would you look at that? My dick disappeared. It’s like a magic trick, only it wasn’t for kids. She gagged. Poor princess. I decided to help her out a little as I gently grabbed a handful of her silky, smooth-to-the-touch hair and guided her head as she continued to bob on my phallus. I couldn’t look down now. Just the sight of the princess on her knees would have been enough for me to bust a nut.

She pulled back, giving my member a hot smooch as she tilted her head sideways, peppering the sides of my penis with kisses, before giving the underside a long, languid lick. Before I knew it, I was staring at a pair of boobs. Why? Why would one ponder on such silly questions when they were staring at boobs? I idly caught a glimpse of the princess discarding her clothes, revealing her already moist marehood.

My dick throbbed oh so painfully. I’d never would have thought that you could be aroused enough that it would hurt. Did I mention that she was a pretty pink pony-I am so good at alliteration, it’s awe inspiring, really.

Throbbing, my dick released a spurt of pre cum. If not for the situation at hand, I would have been rather amazed at that.

I took advantage and pounced on her, landing on the bed and grabbed a handful of boobs. I look at the boob in my hand. Boob. Mine. It was all mine. I leaned down to have a taste, my member sandwiched against her fur and leaving a healthy dose of pre. I wrapped my lips on one of her cute perky nipples and gave it a little suck, eliciting a cute little moan from the princess. My other hand massaged the other boob, because it’d be rude to ignore a boob.

The room smelled of sex as the arousal of the princess grew. I couldn’t for the life of me describe what it smelled like, but somebody should just bottle this shit up into a perfume.

Deciding that I couldn’t wait any longer, I grabbed hold of my neglected wiener, and tried to align it with the princess’s sopping entrance. Well, tried being the keyword here.

“Ah-ah-ah,” she tutted as used her magic to push me off of her. I suddenly found myself on the bottom. “I get to be the top,” she said as she straddled me.

The brief respite granted me a single moment of clarity, and I asked a question that maybe, probably should have been asked way sooner. “What about your husband?”

She paused, probably rolling around my question in her head. It was no worries, of course. It was not like my dick was throbbing so hard that it hurt. None at all.

When she replied, it was with a touch of melancholy. “My husband and I are… having a little fight now and I’m here because we needed to get away from each other for a bit.” Well that explained everything. And by everything I meant nothing at all! “Also, a mare has her needs, and I’m sure Shiny is off somewhere doing things with other mares, so I thought I’d get even.” Seemingly satisfied with her explanation, she said, “Let’s not talk about that, now shall we?”

She wrapped her fingers around my shaft and aligned it to her entrance. My tip brushed against her folds, causing her to groan in anticipation. She lowered herself, and I watched as the tip of my penis parted the hot, fleshy lips of the princess and buried itself a couple of inches inside her. I was inside her. It suddenly occurred to me that I should have been wearing protection, but that would mean pulling myself out of her, but I didn’t want to be outside her.

She started moving her hips, just her hips mind you, her hands rested on my broad chest as our hips met again and again in rapid succession. She meant business and looked hell bent on getting towards the climax, and who was I but not an obliging stallion?

Putting some effort into the lovemaking myself, I brought up my hips to meet hers halfway. The sudden movement caused her to gasp sharply from the unexpected act, and I took that as an advantage as I continued to thrust into her.

A buzzing sound filled my ears, and I wondered what it was. Cadance’s horn lit up and she brought into view some sort of small crystal device. “Shiny?”

What.

“Cadance.” What?! It was Shining Armor’s voice, a little muffled, but it definitely belonged to the prince. I knew it was his voice because I heard him make the announcements at the equestria games that one time. I stopped my thrusting, much to my throbbing member’s protests. I may not be a smart pony, but I knew when my life was in danger, and I think my life would take precedence over my base sexual desire.

Just barely though.

“I’ve missed you,” the voice in the crystal said.

“I’ve missed you too.” She certainly had a weird way to show it, as she slowly started moving her hips again, much to my horror.

She squeaked a little, and her face alighted with a hot blush. Apparently, this was turning her on. Who’d have thought that the princess of love was an exhibitionist? In hindsight, I suppose it wouldn’t have been that surprising

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything I said that night.” *slap*

“And that I wanted to make it up to you.” *slap*

“Oh Shiny, I-*gasp* that’s so sweet,” she moaned, like, right into the phone, with her tongue sticking out in an adorable fashion as her eyes turned upwards in bliss. What the fuck is she thinking?

“Cadance, honey, are you okay?” I heard him ask through the phone with no small amount of concern. Poor guy. I would’ve felt bad for him but all I could think of was how great his wife’s pussy felt.

“I’m fine.” Another groan. “Just a little under the weather, is all.” Throughout the call, she had been gradually picking up the pace, bouncing on my cock, interspersed with a little grinding every now and then. Her hot, plump pussy continued to squeeze me in all the right places as she continued our frenzied lovemaking, her boobs bouncing with each slap.

Her boobs were being ignored. I needed to rectify that.

I grabbed them like it was the most natural thing in the world, and squeezed her nipples. Her blushing intensified as she struggled to bite back another loud moan.

“Anyway, please come home? I know I got a lot to do to make it up to you, but I’m willing to do it.” A pause. “Please?”

“Of course honey,” she said, a little out of breath. “I can’t wait.”

“Great!” he exclaimed happily. *slapslapslapslap* “I love you!

“I *gasp* love you too, honey! she hung up the crystal-phone.

I came. Thick ropey strands of my seed erupted inside her, painting her inner walls white as she continued to bring her hips down, not bothering to stop as she plowed through her own orgasm and was in the middle of her second one. She almost screamed as my seed started leaking from her drooling cunt and staining her bedsheets. I would have probably been perturbed by the sight of so much semen if I wasn’t on the verge of blacking out. Probably.

~0~

I was tired. I looked over to Princess Cadance who was lying down besides me. She was tired too, but she had a happy grin on her face, which was good. “So,” I began, and only got a flick of her ear as any indication that she was paying attention to me. “I’m glad you made it up with your husband.

Her grin turned into a thin frown and I was afraid that I had said something wrong. It was probably not the best idea to bring up the husband of the mare you just had sex with. Nevertheless, I was still curious.

“I didn’t expect Shining to apologize like that. After all the fighting we’ve had, I thought it was over.” She looked at me, regret in her eyes.

Uh-oh

“I’m sorry, but we must never speak of this again. You were pretty good, by the way.”

Feeling my pride swell at the compliment, I suddenly felt a tingling sensation, and was suddenly teleported outside of the room. Naked.

Welp, this is a problem.