The hatch hissed open into the mist. I was at the end of the street of a quaint colourful village at night with a layer of fog on the ground. Having spent a lot of time in jolly ole England, the fog seemed harmless enough. As I stepped out, I experienced several sensations. I was falling. I had regenerated into a quadruped and my arms were now forelegs that sliced through the fog. There was no alleyway under the fog and I was falling. My chest hit the floor. As I began to slide out, I wedged my back knee and groin into the door jamb. Having four legs, it was somewhat easy to backpedal into safety. Now, here is the slightly weird bit. Standing out on the fog, I noticed a small horse with large golden eyes staring at me. I instantly regained my composure and ran my leg over my hair. Not wishing to startle the beast, I greeted her. She returned the salutation with an equally cautions ‘hello’. Was this creature mimicking my speech or was she sentient? Time to turn on the charm.
“Allow me to introduce myself. I am, the Doctor.”
“Well, how formal of you. I am, Ms. Doo. Would you mind telling me what this box is? And what you are doing here?”
“Of course. This is my TARDIS. It takes me across time and space to places I need to be. It believes I need to be here at the moment. Would you care to take a look?”
She walked silently on the fog and stepped inside. I poked the fog and my arm-leg went through it just as before. She watched me do that with as much interest as she had for the interior. The way she said ‘it’s bigger on the inside’ was the most casual I have ever heard.
“TARDIS, sounds like an acronym, what is its meaning?”
“You are very astute, Time and Relative Dimension in Space. Why, you have rudimentary wings.”
She extended her wings. “Rudimentary!” She sounded slighted.
“Well yes. I know a little about aerodynamics. Your wings are not large enough to support a little horse.”
She was more surprised by that than the wonder of seeing the inside of the TARDIS. The winged little horse gently flapped her wings and rose.
“How is that possible? The mass to size to surface area is just wrong.”
“All Pegasi have magic in them. All races have a little of it in them. Why don’t you know this? Who are you?”
“I am the Doctor. I’m pursuing a criminal from my home world across time and space. My TARDIS brought me here. It is very insightful as to where to take me. It also knows who should be my companion.”
The little horse landed without a sound and sniffed at my breath.
“How about I ask a few more questions? What is an Earth pony doing in a blue box in Cloudsdale? Hmm?”
“I’m sorry, you lost me. I thought you said you were a Pegasi?”
“Not me, you! Pegasus is the singular. You’re obviously not a Unicorn.”
“Unicorn? You believe in Unicorns?”
Ms. Doo snapped her wings open to show me that she indeed was a Pegasus. Also, I think there was some anger behind that act.
“Let’s try this again. You think you’re a pony from another planet yet you don’t believe in Unicorns? Have you sustained a head injury lately?”
“Entirely possible. The TARDIS regenerated me for a reason. Sometimes it takes time to get my bearings and to clear the fogginess from my head. And why can’t I walk on the foggy road?”
“Because you’re in Cloudsdale. And Earth ponies and Unicorns can’t walk on clouds without special spells. Here, look!”
The little Pegasus grabbed me by the ear and forced me to look at one of the blank screens on the console. A very handsome equine face looked back at me with cobalt blue eyes. I had a grey amber coat and dark amber spiky hair (or was it mane now?) I was able to twitch my ears. (I dislike big ears). I ran my fetlock over my mane and smiled. Did I mention the devilishly handsome part?
“I’ll leave the two of you alone now and be getting on to school.”
“No, wait! The TARDIS wants us to be together. We have to work together to catch a scoundrel.”
“I’m slowly backing away from you.”
I tried to chase her down the street. She had mentioned the ‘fog-can’t-walk-on-cloud’ thing. I was falling through a dark wet fog bank. Then I emerged under the cloud in a darkened valley. I assumed a spread eagle freefall position and thought I might as well enjoy the view. Suddenly, Ms. Doo gripped me with her legs and began flapping her wings wildly. We hit the ground and rolled. I was somewhat upset. “No, no. this is bad. We have to get back up there.”
“That was the most strenuous thing I have ever done. Hey, I saved your life!”
“I don’t care about that. We have to get back to the TARDIS right away. This is a real emergency.”
“I’m exhausted. Maybe in a little while I can fly back and get some charioteers to carry your heavy flank.”
“That’s not good enough. Don’t you see? I left the TARDIS door open. He could get in and take it.”
“Who?”
“The Master! He is a criminal of the ninth order. We have to get back.”
“Impossible, I can barely move. Let’s just sit here and enjoy the miracle.”
“Miracle?”
“Princess Celestia is about to raise the sun.”
We dusted ourselves off and sat down “Oh… Ms Doo, you mentioned school. What are you studying?”
“I’m my first year of aeronautical engineering at the University of Cloudsdale.”
“I don’t mean to be rude by questioning someone’s beliefs. You’re studying aeronautics, yet you believe your deity is raising the sun?”
"We're not so superstitious to believe in that. We know that Princess Celestia isn’t a full deity, she lives over there.”
“You believe that she lives on a mountain top, like the Greeks believed that their pantheon lived on a very easily climbable mountain but never climbed it?”
“Listen, pony from another planet, Princess Celestia is our monarch. She lives in the Royal Castle in the capital city of Canterlot. You can see her on special occasions when she makes speeches and when she walks among us.”
“Right then. It’s been my experience that rulers who call themselves demigods are usually trouble. No offence.”
“Offence taken. I’ve had just about enough of you.” She stood. “I think I can fly home now. I’ll send some help when I can.”
“Oh please!” I stood too. “Take me with you. I- we must get back to the TARDIS.”
“I’m sorry, but catching you was the most athletic thing I have ever done. I’m more of a nerd. In fact, when I try to do something sporty, I tend to klutz out. They call me Ditsy instead of my given name, Daisy.”
“You must take me with you. This unmitigated evil I’m chasing may be a threat to your world. That could be why he’s here.”
“My legs are too sore to carry you.”
“I’ll ride you. I’ve ridden horses many times.”
“We are going to have a long talk about boundaries and terminology. We’ll try: but understand this, you do not talk or steer or anything else that is upsetting to me. I don’t think I can catch you a second time.”
It was truly a cloud city at sunrise. The large buildings were made of cumulus clouds shaded in pink light while the smaller homes looked as though they were made of colourful balsa-wood.
“Your home is beautiful. See the architecture on the big stuff, that’s Greek influenced. Where did you find me?”
“Ugh, the dead end street next to my cottage. Why are Earth ponies so heavy?”
“You’re prejudiced, shame on you. There it is! Drop me off.”
“If you don’t land inside, you will fall through Cloudsdale again. Hang on, time for another crash landing.”
Daisy tucked her wings at the last moment and we dove through the door and tumbled across the floor.
“Are you alright, Ms Doo?”
“Yes, fine. What’s that funny grinding noise?”
“It’s the TARDIS, we’re in transit.”
“What! You jerk, you promised. Open the door right now!”
“That’s highly unadvisable. The TARDIS is taking us to where we need to be. Don’t panic.”
“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! She turned and stomped on the console. “Take me home, immediately!”
“That’s no way to treat a lady. She barely does what I ask and I am extremely nice to her. There, we've arrived. That was quick, probably not far from your home. I have a little tradition I do when I regenerate and come to a new world. One moment please.”
“I hope you’re not combing your mane. What? A green tie? Seriously?”
“What's wrong with a green tie and white collar?”
“My father says don't trust a guy with a green tie. You know what, it's perfect for you. So where are we?”
“You tell me. I think we're still on your planet.” I pulled the lever and the hatch opened.
Daisy trotted out. “We're in Canterlot. The Royal Garden to be exact. Oh, I see, the TARDIS hid herself in plain sight. There is some sort of outdoor art exhibit going on and she's part of it. Let's look around.”
We looked at the sculptures and statues with the crowd. Then Daisy saw her.
“Oh my heavens, it's Princess Celestia herself!”
“I see a large pony with a bunch of hangers-on.”
Daisy whispered, “she's judging the exhibits with the Canterlot elite. Listen to what he says.”
“Hm, yes, cubist style where the artisan has reassembled his piece too exactly. The assertion that the Cubist depiction of space, mass, time, and volume supports (rather than contradicts) the flatness of the canvas. Or is that cubit? Ha, hum. Then drenching it in the artist’s blue period. It’s ostentatious, droll and the plaque is written in a foreign language. Tres gauche.”
Princess Celestia responded. “Please Hoity Toity, use your own words. I rather like it. Is the artist present? Please step forward.”
Daisy became agitated. “My princess wants to meet you. I will pull you by the ear and tail if I have to.”
“Perhaps you could translate this inscription.” The princess asked me.
“Time is a fire that burns in all of us, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff. Hm, what do you think of that then?”
“Oh, really. I thought it was more like, ‘Police telephone. Free for public use. Advice and assistance obtained immediately,’ et cetera. We simply must have tea, let us say in oh, one hour. Come along critics of the arts.”
“Your princess said the most brilliant, the most civilized thing a world leader could say. Tea. My respect for her has grown in leaps and bounds. Perhaps we could sit and you could teach me about your culture. For instance, what's with all the bum tattoos?”
Daisy inhaled to calm herself, “When a pony discovers his or her special talent, a cutie mark will appear on their flank. Have you noticed yours?”
“Oh, look an hourglass. How apropos as the arts and farts would say. What does yours signify?”
“Bubbles, lighter than air. I’m going to design dirigibles and other lighter than air flying ships once I graduate. See there, Unicorns. Their magic helps them do more complex jobs like food service. Ponies prefer food prepared by Unicorn magic more than Pegasi or Earth pony mouths.”
“And your culture, politics? Tell me about your Princess.”
“Let's see, Princess Celetistia is our matriarch. Everypony does the job best suited for them and for society. It works very well. Tell me of your home.”
“My world is a frozen ball of ash hanging in space. The only two survivors are myself and the man I hunt. We attended university together. He was class valedictorian, my best friend. Life's enemy. It is said that he looked into the heart of his own TARDIS and went mad.
Have you heard of Plato's Republic? You live in a utopia. I have seen hundreds of worlds, and I must say that this is the most pleasant of them all. I have not witnessed conflict or turmoil here. I hope you never know the meaning of war.”
“We have conflict; tonight I will show you the Mare in the Moon. Our princess has ruled for almost a thousand years now by herself. She's pretty well got it down pat. Oh, please, don't screw up our meeting. It may be my best day ever.”
“See what happens when you cut loose with me.”
“What do we do when we get to the castle?”
“This is where I excel; I married royalty once, or was it twice? We are the princess’ guests. She will be entertaining us. I told you about how wonderful your world is, and you said this is your best day ever. It would please me greatly if you would smile just once.”
“You haven't seen my workload and now I'm missing class.”
When we got to the castle I told Daisy to watch and learn. “The Doctor and Ms Doo have arrived. Now we remain standing and wait so the princess may make her entrance. Look at the armour on the guards. Very Romanesque.”
“There is a pony in that armour and he seems perturbed. Don't tick him off the way you do me.”
“Announcing Her Majesty, Princess Celestia!”
“Ms Daisy Doo, I know this name. You are top of your class. But what are you doing here?”
I had to reach over and close her mouth manually. “Princess, she has saved my life at least once today. Daisy is helping me capture and remove a criminal from your realm.”
“I shall write a letter to your Dean to make a note on your personal file.”
Daisy had lost the capacity for speech.
Hooves are an annoyance. Discretion being the better part of valour, I left the hot tea alone and nudged a scone on a plate with silver tongs and tilted the morsel into my mouth. After the proper amount of chewing, I complimented our hostess.
“Princess, you are the most gracious Unicorn sovereign I have ever met.” My companion inhaled a gasp that popped my ears and drew the attention of the guards.
“That's quite alright everypony; he is a visitor from far away. I chose the tea especially for this occasion. Please have a taste. I insist.”
The way the princess said ‘I insist’ sent a chill down my spine, including my new tail. I balanced the saucer and cup on one hoof and steadied the set with the other. Just as I sipped, she said,
“It has been an aeon since we have had a Time Lord at court.”
I lost the delicate balance and everything crashed on my lap. A Unicorn maid was there instantly to remove the remnants. But the burn remained.
Daisy gasped, “I am so sorry Princess Celestia. He said he knew his way around court.”
“Oh, he does, but I intimidate him, can you imagine? It might be an age thing. The Time Lords were very interested in our magic. They could never make it work outside of Equestria. I am truly sorry about what happened to your world. Here is one of my students.”
Carrying books, a purple Unicorn filly and a round, green and purple reptile entered.
Previously, I had thought my companion gushed; however, the purple Unicorn outdid Daisy tenfold with her bowing and scraping.
“Thank you very much Twilight Sparkle. Spike place the books on the table. Doctor, please read the small book first. It translates our language into universal numbers. Now, tell me what you think of this book.”
“Hmm, short-term time-travel with an auto return algorithm. Very simple when you see it in pure numbers. But I don’t understand where you get the energy from.”
“If this spell were a mathematical formula, how would you make it last longer?”
“That’s easy. Add more equations. Why did you show me this? The first book is preschool. This is Gallifrey high school at its best.”
“It’s not so much for you. Now my student is aware that the book exists. I have many irons in the fire.”
“Irons? As in branding irons?” Hard to waggle a finger. “What an odd thing to say.”
“I didn't notice your arrival but your friend; he is cruel to his time space vessel. I felt him now. You think that you pursue him; he has set a trap for you. He is trying to gain access to your ship. Go now! I will send my guard with you.” Princess Celestia stood and her horn glowed.
We materialized in front of the TARDIS with two guards. The door had been forced open, and then wedged shut. There were claw marks on the frame. The guards stood behind me. Daisy was so brave. The flair of light stuck her full force while the guards and I were behind the door and had a chance to look away.
Daisy woke on my lap and giggled. Her large golden eyes were now askew.
“Oh, Daisy, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?”
“Better alright. Master trap, flash TARDIS heart. TARDIS save me.”
“Daisy, what happened to your voice?”
“Speech centre pushed aside. Brain bigger now. I talk ditsy, call me Ditsy Doo now.”
“Oh Daisy, I will make this better.”
“No, no. Cleverer than you now. Happy now. School all done. Daw, TARDIS morn her sisters. She my sister now. She smile with me. We catch him together, you ‘n me.”
Author's Note
This is how I feel my story is being received by the interweb.
