A Series Of Ranting Letters

by MrFLoom

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 773

Twilight and co are constantly receiving letters from someone who seems to live only to point out their faults

Twilight and company are constantly receiving letters from someone who seems to live only to point out their faults.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-31 17:50:01 UTC

The Mare In The Moon (and why you proved Luna's point)

Other than the day that one intrepid and later revered chef brought into the world the sacred divinity that was cake Celestia had never been so happy in her life.

Her student, Twilight Sparkle had finally gotten out for once and made not one, two or three but six friends in the span of one day (much to the annoyance of the few in Canterlot who had tried the same over the the span of only six or so years, not much really), her sister had been  saved from her own inner demons after a thousand years of imprisonment on the one thing she had cared for most.

Truly today was a glorious day for harmony! A day that no mortal or god could ever possibly ruin for her. Soon after that thought a small scroll flew out of nowhere and hit her square in the muzzle, the soft thump of the impact being accompanied by a long string of profanities both old and ancient. Celestia lifted the small roll of parchment and opened it.

An action she would later regret.

Dear Princess Celestia,

No this is not your student, she's probably busy replacing you in her life with her new clique or something. Who am I your wondering? Well my identity is unimportant, but you can call me...

I'll get back to you on that whole name thing later.

Now on the topic of why you're reading this letter, to put it simply in my benevolence I have taken it upon myself to systematically point out every flaw in your being, along with anyone else on your world who catches my interest, and yes I did just say anyone, after all I like to be inclusive of all sentient beings after all I am kind, clever- Celestia skipped over the rest of the letter only to find that somehow there was a second page.

-and I can make a mean bowl of salad.

But I digress onto the topic of you, just outside her field of view she heard a soft cough as if someone were preparing for a lengthy speech What I would love to know is what exactly you were planning.

So your sister goes all nox aterna due to not grasping the concept that ponies are diurnal and feels unappreciated. So you put her in a thousand year time out and then...Promptly let her be Jackson Fived from history thus proving her absolutely right in the end.

Her ears flattened as she took in the reality of things.

Then she comes back to freeze-fry your planet and what do you do? Send a pre-grad student to set up your little solstice party so that she can socialise and eventually wield what from now on will be referred to as the Skittles Brand Orbital Friendship Cannon, or SBOFC. Now this brings up a lot of questions, why were the elements in the middle of a ruin, why didn't you just keep them a around for safeties sake, and most important of all why didn't you encourage her to be more social when she was an impressionable foal who would tear down a neighboring government if you asked nicely.

No instead a seamstress, instead you send her off with almost no clue what she's doing and hope she can take down a being capable of moving celestial bodies with her mind , not what I would exactly call a fair fight. I personally would have sent Kratos but that would probably result in a 200% fatality rate...Somehow, lucky for you he retired from deicide and adopted the simple life of an orthros breeder near Rainbow Falls. But either way I would suggest moving those elements somewhere safe rather than leaving them near what I assure you is going to become the bane of the insurance industry.

Signed...Still got nothing,

She looked at the scroll and tilted her head in confusion, she had gained almost nothing from reading it other than the idea to keep the elements safe, but other that she felt like her brain cells might have committed mass suicide as she attempted to wrap her mind around the purpose of this letter, but like a hearth's warming gift in spring the wrapping would have to be done later as she was hit yet again with a scroll.

"Thought of a name, call me He Who Rambles?" she exclaimed as the sound of a thousand thunder storms filled the air, which was odd considering that it was clear out.

"Well, I'm sure this will be an interesting few years,"