Welcome to Dota!
Twilight jumped at the voice coming from absolutely nowhere. It tore right through her concentration, demanding immediate attention in a way she didn’t quite understand. Even worse, she found herself absolutely unable to move, or even properly remember what she was doing before! Powerful magic must be ahoof indeed.
All Random
Suddenly she was outside her library… the one that Tirek had destroyed. She quickly turned around and saw that, somehow, she was in an old version of Ponyville, like she was thrown back in time. To her luck, four of her friends seemed to have suffered the same fate, each glowing next to her with otherwordly light. She just needed to—
“GET COURIER,” Pinkie screamed, before running towards the river without another word.
“Cool, Batrider. I got jungle,” said Rainbow Dash, rushing towards the Whitetail Woods a split second later.
“MID OR FEED,” Pinkie screamed back, sounding like she was still next to Twilight.
Thirty Seconds to Battle.
Applejack and Fluttershy walked each in one direction silently, leaving Twilight lost and confused at the door of her own home. She grabbed her boots, which seemed to go to her hooves by themselves, and rushed after Applejack.
Immediately, pink exclamation points started appearing around her, each chiming a distinctive bell sound.
“GO BOT,” said Pinkie with great urgency.
“What?” Twilight asked.
“OMG NO WARD GG CM," she added helpfully.
“here,” said Fluttershy, finally breaking her silence.
“Finally, someone that makes sense. What is going on here, Fluttershy?”
Ten Seconds to Battle.
“FUKKEN SCRUB, GO BACK TO LOL.”
As weird as the abuse was, there was nothing to be done. Shrugging, Twilight trotted towards Fluttershy, who stood in the path to the Everfree Forest right next to a great tree, a magically infused structure she was sure wasn’t there before.
The battle begins!
Suddenly, a great horn sounded, and a group of very similar looking ponies appeared outside their houses, quickly moving towards her and Fluttershy.
“gg hf,” Pinkie screamed to what seemed like everypony in Equestria.
“gl hf,” answered a voice which still gave Twilight nightmares.
“Tirek! What are you doing here? You should be in Tartarus!”
“lol noob,” answered a voice she was sure belonged to... Chrysalis?
It’s a disaster! Not only one, but two of the worst menaces Equestria had ever faced had joined forces. Worst of all, given how unhelpful her friends decided to be all of a sudden, Twilight doubted they could even use the elements. But this was no time for panic. With faith on her friends, and the patience to know when to act, they would prevail. She stood with Fluttershy alongside the mysterious ponies, who seemed to have a hard time walking past her, only to find a small division of changelings charging their position from the opposite direction.
“Gah!” she screamed. Without warning or hesitation, the approaching enemies clashed against the ponies in brutal, close quarters combat, her allies answering in kind. A frenzy seemed to consume both, all thoughts of defense forfeited in favor of brutally striking each other.
Fluttershy seemed content to just pace around them aimlessly, certainly cowed by the senseless fury, but she couldn't just do nothing in this situation! Conjuring the mighty of the cosmos that was her to command, Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria charged a wave of incredible destructive force, a singular strike powerful enough to stop even the strongest of changelings in their tracks. As the spell reached its zenith, she focused it on the very tip of her horn, unleashing a mighty blast carrying carry all her subject’s hopes and dreams—
A feeble energy ball emerged from her horn, lazily floating to a nearby changeling only to dissipate on impact, its effect little more than a nuisance. She tried walking closer to just pound the bug with her hooves, but it was like her body had replaced the very notion of hitting something with her hooves with that stupid spell. She stuck to that strategy however, in an unimpressive display of strength too pathetic for words. The enemy was getting weak when Fluttershy finally did intervene, finishing the soldier with a hurled axe.
“stop push,” her friend helpfully added.
She had no time to ponder such cryptic words! Seeing one of the ponies was getting weaker at an alarming pace, she tried to reach for something else, a power ever deeper inside her. Her mind was taken back to the time she spent as The Masked Matterhorn, and her icy might. And just like that, from somewhere ever deeper inside her mind, she found it, a way to summon a powerful ice nova. Its effect was immediate, covering the changelings in frost and slowing their movements.
She did it! Now the ponies should be able to fallback, heal enough of their lost strength, and finally push back the changeling invasion! The tree behind her would certainly serve well as an impromptu fortification, and from that safe position–
Without warning, Fluttershy threw an axe directly at that pony, executing him. The poor pony’s body crumpled like a marionette, a yellow exclamation mark punctuating his crushing defeat, as if his soul was escaping his body. Twilight wished to fall to the ground, to mourn the pointless loss of life, but her knees wouldn’t obey her. “save mana” was the only thing Fluttershy deigned herself to say upon seeing her grief.
Twilight wanted to scream, revolt against such a display of callousness. No, it was much more than that, it was this whole situation, the horrific logic that seemed to overtake her world, but above all else her own powerlessness in this situation. Had her friends been replaced by changelings, or infected with alien slugs? Was yet another force at play here? She was about to berate Fluttershy, when she saw a familiar pony trotting from the forest.
"Princess Luna, good to see you!" she said, but found Luna eerily silent. Irritated, she started trotting straight toward her, but was overtook by a strange compulsion to stop to fire one of those pathetic spells on her direction. It fizzled against the armor.
"Gah! Princess, I'm–" she started to say, when all hell broke loose. The changelings, who had been ignoring her so far, suddenly surrounded her, clobbering her from all sides. She tried stepping back, but Luna retaliated against her careless action by summoning a beam of moonlight powerful enough to dazzle her momentarily, made the more impressive by the fact it was still day.
“Fluttershy, what was that? Why would Luna attack me?”
“wait creeps stay back” was her only answer, as she continued her dispassionate slaughter of changelings and ponies alike.
“I’m so confused, help me understand what is going on!”
“OMFG NOOB L2P” Pinkie thoughtfully screamed from somewhere in the distance.
Getting anything resembling sense from her friends seemed like a lost cause. As she stood back to catch her breath, she saw Chrysalis join Princess Luna, yet she stood too far back for Twilight’s spells to hit her. With that, things seemed to reach to a stalemate, as Fluttershy and Luna were content with just dancing behind the combatants, only occasionally finishing off friend and foe alike. No matter how many they killed, even more seemed to come, wave after wave of interchangeable changelings and ponies only looking to clash against each other, just to be massacred by the hoof of friend and foe alike, their fallen bodies continuously consumed by the very ground beneath their feet.
It was oddly peaceful, almost boring, a feeling Twilight was sure came from desensitization. The only switch up was Chrysalis, who would show up from time to time, only to run away whenever she came closer. She was almost glad for the interruption, a sound of warning chimes that seemed to ring from somewhere in the woods. She saw Fluttershy rushing to hide behind the large fortified tree nearby, but she didn't have that luxury! Someone was in danger, and Twilight Sparkle was the pony to go solve it.
"b" was all Fluttershy had time to say, as from behind the trees Tirek's massive form surge. She tried to step back, but the centaur stomped the ground with enough force to leave her absolutely disoriented. Before she could even react Luna was there, summoning another one of those moon beans, and by the time she got her bearings back, Chrysalis had trapped her in the air with her telekinesis. Her life flashed before her eyes as the uncaring ground rose to welcome her.
First Blood
Dying wasn’t… well, anything like she imagined it would be. It manifested as a curious, floating sensation, as if she was outside her own body. Everything around her, while monochromatic, still seemed very clearer. Near her body, Fluttershy’s actions were clear, as she desperately tried to avenge her death, those axes flying furiously towards Chrysalis. She felt absolute serenity, her whole being far above from equestrian troubles. All in all, it wasn't wholly unpleasant.
Pinkie Pie shattered her calm like a wrecking ball through a window. "FUCKING RUSSIANS GO DIE IRL" she said in order to help moral.
Fluttershy was the only one to come to her defense. "help gank bot ffs"
What is happening!? Of course, they were acting strangely before, but I have died for pony’s sake! How could any of them be this callous considering–
In an instant, the demands of the mortal realm seem to call her back, and Twilight found herself at the little fountain behind her house once more. Was it all a dream? She looked around, and everything sure seemed the same. Pinkie helped her to situate herself.
"BUY COURIER OR REPORT"
Okay then, this wasn't a dream, or at the very least was still the same one. She thought about Pinkie's weird request, and grabbed Owlowiscious from its perch. As soon as she did it, it started flying away to where Pinkie had gone before, but suddenly started moving back. She watched in panic as her pet owl started seizing in mid-air, changing its heading faster than it should be physically possible.
"FUCK U I CARRRY SHITLORDS"
"Regen" said Applejack, finally breaking her self imposed silence.
"THEN BUY YOUR OWN FUKNG COURRIER FFS"
Twilight’s ears twitched. Who did Pinkie think she was to treat them like that? "Now listen here, I had enough of your screaming. You will apologize to Applejack this instant, you hear?"
"HAHA MATE NICE JOKES SEE YOU AT FUCK YOUJ"
Twilight had tried trotting to where Pinkie had gone in the meanwhile, considering that maybe a more personal approach would be enough to help her. As soon as she saw her friend, a swarm of pink exes started raining around her, the chirping sound almost a physical presence.
"Pinkie, what is happening to you?"
"FUCK ALL OF YOUr ASSHOLES DINSTAL TIS FFUCKING GAME ABND KIL YUSELF!!!!!!!!!! AKF KTHXBYE" At this, Pinkie just walked back to the library without another word.
Twilight made to follow her, but Fluttershy interrupted that train of thought. "cm stay mid pls" she said. She was confused, sure, but that was the most polite thing any of them said so far. Besides, somehow antagonizing anymore of her friends was the last thing on her mind.
"we got afk 2 dont worry ^^" said Chrysalis.
"k" Rainbow Dash answered.
"fuck those guys lets have fun" Fluttershy said with finality.
The commotion dying down, Twilight considered her options. Whatever it was, this reality certainly wasn't Equestria, not with her friends offending each other like that and murdering ponies. But things here didn’t happen at random, and whatever rules organized this world, they were things she could understand. And since death didn’t seem to really matter, she could finally let loose.
With renewed focus, Twilight threw herself into the competition, imitating the patterns of her friends: only finish enemies, and mercifully dispose of the po– no, things that came to help you. Don't think about the implications, just chop them down, in order to acquire the means of increasing your own power.
She quickly found herself becoming more powerful, but it was never enough. At every turn, whenever she felt herself finally getting ahead of the pack, her enemies would be there to dispatch her. It was a brutally effective onslaught, and for each step up in her power, her enemies seemed to go up two. Slowly, her now-quiet friends found themselves being pushed back. Soon, the great trees protecting her way back home were demolished, and she and her friends got ready for a last stand in front of her house, which seemed like the ultimate goal of their foes.
Tirek was the first to come, appearing out of nowhere in the middle of them all. But, as vicious as he was, Twilight was faster, and he suddenly found himself encased on a block of ice. The others jumped in, and the fray quickly devolved into utter chaos, Twilight unable to even differentiate friend from foe. No matter, her trump card didn’t need this level of detail.
In an instant, she activated the legendary staff she had recently acquired, her whole body surrounded by a protective golden glow, and let all her ice magic flow out, massive icy bursts exploding into life all around her. The primal force at her beck and call overwhelmed her foes, who seemed to ignore her in favor of attacking the library’s structure. But, seeing as she was too concentrated to react, Chrysalis activated her own powers, and in a display of changeling cunning, copied her own spell! Her rival’s attack chipped away her friends’ strength, she didn’t have much time. She concentrated, and bet everything on this.
Killing Spree
Luna was the first to fall, followed closely by Fluttershy.
Double Kill
She saw Trixie fall next, but not before Applejack bit the dust.
Triple Kill
To her immense luck, Chrysalis was the next to fall, but the damage had been done at this point. Rainbow Dash was extremely weak, and before she could fly away, a single swing from Tirek's axe took her down. His advance was inexorable, and while he was now very weak, her spell finally ran out! She watched as a weakened Tirek changed tactics and advanced against her… and grinned. He should had learned how to pay attention to other's items.
Ultra Kill
Dagon’s Wand sizzled in her hooves, and Tirek crumbled at her feet. She did it, she had defended her library! Sure, they would try again, but her friends now knew that victory they could be taken down! And, with all the gold from her recent kills, she would be able to lead the attack, finally taking—
A horn blast pierced the air, and a pillar of light suddenly surrounded a nearby changeling. She took a step back, and saw with dismay as her greatest enemy reappeared right in front of her eyes, all his wounds fully negated. She tried, helplessly, to stop him, but there was no way, she had spent all her resources stopping them before. Ignoring Twilight, Tirek went happily to swing his gigantic axe at her house until it exploded. The force of the blast sent her flying, knocking Twilight flat on her face. She looked up to see her beautiful tree once again reduced to ruins, and wept.
"FFS," suddenly came Pinkie's voice, "U SCRUBS R USELESS"
Dire Victory!
"WORST TEAM EVER"
