Language

Chapters

2. Can You Hear Her Wispy Breath?
3. I Want to Understand
4. All Paths Lead to Hell
5. Language
1. Tell Me the Truth, Darling

2. Can You Hear Her Wispy Breath?

I sit on the couch of my Boutique, exhausted but invigorated at the thought of a job well done. Toe Tapper proved to be very discerning—some would say picky—when it came to discussing the perfect dress design for Roseluck, and we ended up negotiating with each other for hours. Roseluck should feel lucky that she fell in love with such a considerate stallion. Now, I have in my hoof the notes for a rather complex and . . . rather sexy commission to be completed for Hearts and Hooves Day.

I place it with the other similar orders I received earlier in the week. Hearts and Hooves Day is a rather lucrative holiday for me, not only because dresses are common gift ideas for well-meaning stallions, but also that I've gained a reputation for being Ponyville's resident source for romance advice. I do consider myself quite well-read when it comes to the subject, and I've seen many a stallion (and mare) come to me for help in approaching their beloveds or dealing with special somepony issues. Toe Tapper is far from alone.

My smile disappears as my thoughts turn to my own love life. It's been years since I first put myself "on the market," so to speak, and as much as it embarrasses me, despite my considerable knowledge on romance, I've been alone the whole time. I frown and I let loose a melancholy sigh. Celestia bless the time when I finally find that perfect stallion. I thought that Blueblood and Trenderhoof were both fine specimens at a distance, but upon meeting them, they both turned out to be utter boors. The stallions that have approached me for a date, on the other hoof, have all been rather uninteresting.

Spike is a nice boy, and I know he’s interested in me, but he’s still just a boy. That, and I’ve never quite found dragons to be interesting. I’ve been putting it off for far too long now, but I’ll have to tell him at some point that I’m just not interested.

I sigh again. All I'd like is a stallion who's kind, considerate, empathetic, spirited, and cares for me. Oh, and it's good if they're big and tall and handsome, too. Is that too much to ask?

I shake my head and try to clear my thoughts. Now is not the time to fill my mind with self-loathing and pity. Those emotions will not benefit me or my stress levels, and they will not make my work any better. I do, however, happen to know a very effective stress-managing technique . . . and the perfect pony to do it with.

Mind made up, I decide to put my current work on hold for the time being and go to Fluttershy's for a spot of meditation. Yes, I suppose that I could do it myself, but it's always more enjoyable with her. I don my saddlebags, exit my home, lock the door, and start on the brief walk to Fluttershy's cottage.

Along the way, I muse at how mine and Fluttershy's lives have changed over our months of meditating together. When I first took it up, I found that I quite liked it and came back on occasion to do it again. It also helps that she said to me that she enjoyed the company and that I was free to come over whenever I liked. These recent months have had me coming over at least once a week—sometimes more—not necessarily because I'm stressed, but because I enjoy the company, too.

Over that time, we've become even closer as friends. I called her my best friend before, but now, I don't even know if there's a term for how close we've gotten. We talk all the time and share everything together, whether it be worries, thoughts, or secrets.

That reminds me of something. I stop for a moment, musing about today’s date: yes, today is, indeed, the one year anniversary since we started meditating together. I then doff my saddlebags and dig around in them to see if my gift is still there. It is. It has been sitting in my bag for months, waiting for the perfect moment; now, I have a reason to give it to Fluttershy. I put on my saddlebags again and continue walking.

Once Fluttershy's cottage comes into view, I see Fluttershy herself outside, eyes closed, an easy smile on her face. At one point, that was an unexpected sight for me, but now, it has become commonplace. When I come over, Fluttershy is often sitting just like this, waiting for me to join her.

I close my eyes and light my horn, a sly smile on my face. Perhaps I can surprise her just this once. I soften my hoof-falls with a spell and carefully sneak my way over to her. I walk up to the bank, over the bridge, and down the dirt road to Fluttershy, remaining as silent as I can. All the while, I look at Fluttershy's ears. Every time they swivel to track me, I stop and wait. Only when she turns her attention away from me do I start moving again.

Eventually, after many minutes of creeping, I make it up to Fluttershy's face. I don't think she's noticed me yet. Time to change that, I think. Slowly, carefully, I make my way to Fluttershy's back. Once there, I rear up on my hind hooves, preparing to put both of my forehooves on Fluttershy's shoulders at the same time and give her a playful scare.

"Uuwhaaah!"

A squeal escapes my mouth when Fluttershy suddenly snaps her wings open, knocking me off-balance. I stagger backwards and, unable to keep my footing, fall onto my back with a thump. Seconds later, I see Fluttershy hovering over me, a playful smile of her own on her face. She reaches out a hoof to me.

I take it, and she helps me back to my hooves. Once there, she says, "Are you alright, Rarity?"

I brush myself off with magic before answering. "Yes, I'm fine, Fluttershy." I make a mock-pout at her. "Damn, I thought I had you this time!"

Fluttershy giggles daintily, her laughs sounding like the musical chimes of a bell choir. "You were close, Rarity, but not enough. I sensed what felt like a hole of silence getting closer to me. That's very artificial, so I thought that it was you casting a silence spell. And every time I turned my ears towards you, you stopped. That's exactly what many animals do when they hunt, and it's very easy for me to notice, Rarity."

"Looks like I still have a lot to learn," I say. I sigh, and shake my head with a smile on my face. "I'll catch you one of these days, Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy giggles again. "Maybe, but that day isn't today." Fluttershy then sits back down in her place, closes her eyes, and gestures next to her, inviting me to meditate next to her.

I walk next to her, doff my saddlebags, and sit down on the slab of polished slate on the ground. Once we started meditating together more often, Fluttershy commissioned a contractor to lay a large piece of slate on the ground to mark our favorite location and make our sessions more comfortable. It was very considerate of her; now, I always have a clean place to sit.

I close my eyes and open my ears, listening to the sounds of the stream, of the wind, of the distant animals, even the very quiet ones of Fluttershy herself. The average pony might call our conditions quiet, even boring, but Fluttershy and I are not average ponies anymore: where a normal pony hears nothing of note, we hear a symphony of sounds. And each one of those sounds tells a story.

It's the listening to these stories that constitutes our meditation. There are so many sounds and stories to be had that one could probably spend the rest of eternity rooted to one spot and never run out of things to hear. Fluttershy and I have once spent an entire day doing nothing but meditating. I will never forget the sound our friends made that day as they spied on us, whispering that we had crossed our tenth hour.

After a few minutes, I feel something large and warm come onto my back. It lowers, and I can feel that it's Fluttershy's wing. I sigh in contentment and snuggle into it. She started embracing me like this during the winter months when the weather grew cold, but we still meditated for hours on end. Now, even when it's more temperate, she continues to wrap me in her wing. I can't say that I don't enjoy it, though. Her wing is a downy blanket of warmth that I would gladly welcome on my back any day, any weather.

Comfortably sheltered in Fluttershy's wing, I let my mind clear of worries and fill with sounds. I hear a murder of crows far above that are all loosing their cries at the same time, creating a confusing mix of calls. I hear a family of squirrels on the ground. They chitter to each other for a few seconds before all splitting up, each doing a different task.

I hear that the breeze today is very light; there's not enough wind to blow bushes or Fluttershy's air vane. There's only enough to gently rustle the leaves on the trees and the grasses on the ground. I can't hear any inclement weather around me, either: no rumbles of thunder, no patter of rain. The weather is just this good for several miles around, at least.

Being so close to Fluttershy, I can hear her sounds as well. Her breaths are light and slow, and they whistle quietly as they enter and exit her nostrils. Her heartbeat is strong and consistent, each "lub-dub" sending a surge of blood throughout her body and thereby giving it life. Her stomach shifts once every few minutes, churning its contents and aiding the digestion of Fluttershy's lunch.

After several hours of this listening, I open my eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light. The sun is lower in the sky. It isn't sunset quite yet, but it will be soon. I tap Fluttershy gently on the side, indicating that I'm finished listening for today. Fluttershy remains motionless, not acknowledging me, but I'm not worried; she'll come inside when she's ready. I pick up my saddlebags and head inside the cottage.

Sure enough, after I had started to prepare us both tea in Fluttershy’s kitchen, I hear the front door swing open as she enters her home. I fill her pot with tea and take it to tea table. We both sit down at it, and I fill our respective cups. Only when we both have taken several sips does Fluttershy start to speak.

"So, what have we heard today?" she asks.

"Well, there was that flock of crows that hovered above us for some time," I respond. "I can tell that it was a huge flock, judging by how many calls I heard sounding at once: probably five hundred plus. Though, for the life of me, I have no idea what they were saying."

Fluttershy took a sip of tea before responding. "I'll be honest, I didn't understand everything either. Though, from what I could get, I think the flock was part of a migratory group of crows, returning to their native home. They'll be staying in Ponyville for a while before continuing their journey north."

I take a sip of tea myself. When I lower my teacup, I smile at Fluttershy. "I can only assume that they're staying because they've heard word that the best animal caretaker in Equestria lives here."

"Oh! Oh my." Fluttershy raises her teacup to try and hide her blush. She's simply adorable.

We talk about what we heard for a long while. Fluttershy is always a veritable fountain of observations; she loves nature to the point that she can never finish talking about everything she hears in one sitting. Eventually, however, we wander to other topics. It's not like our normal spa gossip, however; what we talk about in Fluttershy's home is much more personal and sincere.

"So," Fluttershy asks, "did you come today just because you wanted to, or did you need to blow off some stress?"

My smile droops just a little. "The latter," I answer. "There is a secret I have that’s been bothering me. Can I be honest with you, Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy shifts closer to me and puts that comforting wing of hers over my back. "Of course, Rarity. Tell me."

"Okay," I begin, leaning into Fluttershy's wing. "Given that Heart's and Hooves Day is drawing near, many ponies have started coming to me for romance advice. I can't help but feel a little . . . frustrated that I'm still alone. I'm still waiting for that perfect stallion while ponies around me are cavorting with their lovers." I turn my head to look at Fluttershy. "Despite everything I know of romance, I haven't found it yet."

Fluttershy turns to me and we fall into a hug, my head resting on Fluttershy's shoulder. "I'm sure that you'll find that special somepony soon," Fluttershy responds. "You're too beautiful and lovely not to find love, Rarity." She strokes my back softly and plays with my mane. "You're smart and talented and . . . so gorgeous. Your confident voice, your smell after a shower, your fearless blue eyes . . . You're perfect, Rarity. You just haven't found someone as perfect as you yet."

I blush at the compliments. Fluttershy always knows just what to say to make me feel—what was that?

So faint that I just barely hear it, I catch Fluttershy put her teeth together and swipe them against each other. It's incredibly subtle, but Fluttershy is . . . nervous?

"Are you okay, Rarity?" Fluttershy asks, separating from the hug. "You're quiet."

I sigh and shake my head, putting aside the thought for now. "I'm okay. Thank you, Fluttershy. Perhaps someday, I will find 'the one.'"

"You will, Rarity, I'm sure."

Fluttershy gets closer to me, and I snuggle into her wing in response. I try to shake off my previous worries. There's no reason for Fluttershy to be nervous around me; surely, I'm just hearing things.

3. I Want to Understand

We talk until the sun goes down, and then a little longer still. Fluttershy is a friend with whom I can natter on and on to, and she will still listen. Whether it be worries, secrets, or plain gossip, Fluttershy is always willing to lend a sympathetic ear. Today, I revealed a personal secret of mine, and she took it in her stride. I've not met another mare as considerate and caring as she.

Eventually, after all our tea is gone and our topics exhausted, I feel it is time for me to return home once again. But first, I mustn't forget the gift for Fluttershy that has been waiting months to be given.

"Thank you so much for coming today, Rarity," Fluttershy says as I put on my saddlebags. "You know that I enjoy your company very much."

"Believe me, Fluttershy," I respond, "I love your company as well. Especially our meditation. In fact . . ." I dig about in my saddlebags to retrieve a small box covered in velvet. With my magic, I move it from my saddlebags to the floor in front of Fluttershy. "Let me show you just how much I appreciate that," I finish.

Fluttershy gasps and looks at the box, wide-eyed. "R-Rarity, you shouldn't have!" she squeaks out.

I sit down in front of Fluttershy, the box between us. "It has been a year since we started meditating together, and since then, you have improved my life in so many wonderful ways. I have never been so calm, so serene, so at peace before. Meditation is a wonderful skill that I would have never been introduced to without you. I've even gotten better at picking up social cues because of it!

"But most of all, thank you for being my best friend . . . No, thank you for being the companion with whom I can share my life with. That is a gift of which I can never adequately express how thankful I am for, but perhaps—" I push the box closer to Fluttershy "—this will be a good start."

Fluttershy continues to stare at the box for several more moments. Eventually, slowly, gingerly, she reaches out a hoof to open the box. When the box snaps open, she immediately brings both of her hooves to her mouth and gasps again.

Inside the box is a necklace. Its crowning jewel is a small, flawless, marquise-cut diamond set in a discreet platinum head attached to a golden chain.

I drape the pendant over a hoof to show it to Fluttershy; the stone scintillates in the light. "I had this pendant made especially for you. I know how you like simple jewelry, so I made sure that this necklace matches your tastes. It is no ordinary piece of jewelry, either. With Twilight's power and my expertise, I enchanted the diamond with a spell specifically attuned to you that I think you will find quite useful." With that, I slowly lower the pendant onto Fluttershy's neck with my hooves.

The moment it touches her coat, she gasps for a third time and staggers back, a look of wonder on her face. She is surely feeling the effects of the enchantment now. It took a considerable amount of time and research on both mine and Twilight's part to develop, but the spell I put on the diamond was a sense-augmentation spell. Right now, Fluttershy is experiencing what it feels like to have tenfold-enhanced hearing.

Happy tears start streaming down Fluttershy's face. She remains motionless for several minutes, surely listening to all the things that she couldn't hear before. Eventually, Fluttershy recovers from her stupor and brings up her hooves to gingerly remove the pendant and put it back into its box.

She looks at the jewelry in its open box for a moment before launching herself at me. I catch her in a full-bodied hug, and we tumble to the ground. Tearful but happy, Fluttershy whispers, "Thank you, Rarity. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," I whisper back, and I embrace her tightly with all four of my hooves.

We hug for a long, long while. During that time, I consider why I have never tried reading Fluttershy's nonverbal language before. I don't think I ever have because I've never had a need to read her. Much like I reveal my secrets to her, she reveals hers to me. I've never needed to glean information from Fluttershy because she gives it to me freely.

But now, I remember how Fluttershy just barely gnashed her teeth together when we hugged the first time; it’s never quite left my mind. Why would she ever be nervous around me? Even though I want to believe that I never heard that tell, I can't shake the feeling that, in this instance, Fluttershy is hiding something from me.

Reluctantly and guiltily, I begin trying to read Fluttershy's tells. It feels like I'm violating her privacy, and I feel terrible for it. Nevertheless, I continue. If Fluttershy is feeling nervous at all around me, I need to know why so I can talk to her about it.

"Thank you, Fluttershy, for being such a good friend to me. I love you," I say, trying to set up a response that I can read from her. I hate treating her as if she is a test subject, but it is necessary for me to figure out the truth.

Given how quiet Fluttershy normally is, I have to listen very closely to detect anything at all. The first thing that I do notice is that teeth gnashing again. I did not make up this tell the first time; it seems that Fluttershy really is at least a little bit uneasy. I also hear that she swallows right after I say my part, indicating deception. Please, Fluttershy, I trust you with my life, and I think you do with me as well; why are you hiding things from me now?

But, so faint that I can barely notice, on the last vestiges of her exhaled breath, I hear the echo of a tremor. It's so subtle that I couldn't have heard it in any other position, but with my ear so close to Fluttershy's face as it is now, the sign is definitely there. She's thinking of romance right now.

I recall back to earlier in the day. This pattern of tells that I'm recognizing now is remarkably similar to the one I noticed in Toe Tapper when he first came to my Boutique. He was suppressing thoughts of romance from me at that time, and it seems that now, Fluttershy is doing the same thing. Though her tells are quieter, they are very much there, and I have seen them hundreds of times in dozens of other ponies. As subtle as they are, I am certain I am not misinterpreting them.

But why, Fluttershy? Why would you hide those thoughts from me? We reveal secrets to each other all the time, and it's not like you haven't told me more embarrassing things about love before. A few weeks ago, you revealed to me that you have always been gay; how could a secret crush be any worse than that?

Unless you think that I wouldn't approve of the target of your love. You know that I would support you, regardless of your choice, right? The only reason I can think of that you would hide this from me is if I was the tar—

Oh no. Oh no-no-no-no-no.

It takes all my willpower not to wrench myself away from Fluttershy's hooves then and there. The realization hits me hard, and before long, I'm the one gnashing my teeth in nervousness.

What's the appropriate response to a friend whom you've just discovered is in love with you?

4. All Paths Lead to Hell

After bidding farewell to Fluttershy, I make my way quickly back home, my mind churning all the while. Fluttershy is in love with me? Why? How? I almost start running along the road back home, eager to hide what will likely be a dramatic breakdown from the rest of Ponyville. The moment I reach the Boutique, I dash into it, slam the front door, and slump to the ground, breathing heavily.

My breath eventually returns to a reasonable tempo, but my mind continues to race. I know that no rest or meditation will quell my churning thoughts; the only way I'll find peace again is if I answer the question in the forefront of my mind:

Fluttershy loves me. Do I love Fluttershy back?

. . .

No.

It's the answer my heart tells me is right, and yet it feels so completely wrong.

Fluttershy and I have always been very close. But now, with our mutual meditation hobby, we've grown closer still to each other. I still don't have a good term to describe what our relationship is together. We've transcended best friends, we're not really sisters, but we're certainly not lovers. Yet, we are as close as two ponies can be. I suppose I can understand how Fluttershy could construe our relationship as a romantic one; we spend as much time together as many married couples do.

And yet, despite this, I do not feel the same for her. I cannot feel the same for her because I cannot feel that way with any mare. I do not find her attractive or alluring as a potential romantic partner because my eyes have always been on stallions.

I am, and have always been, heterosexual.

And for the first time in my life, I wish that I wasn't. Fluttershy may not be my lover, but she means more to me than anypony but we could understand. Her happiness is my happiness. I wish that I could be attracted to her so that I could give her the love and happiness that she so rightly deserves. I wish that I was attracted to her so that I wouldn't have to respond to her advances with a soul-wrenching "no."

I love Fluttershy; I really, really do . . . but not in the way that she needs me to love her. A little something I said earlier comes back to my mind:

"Thank you, Fluttershy, for being such a good friend to me. I love you."

I sigh heavily, disappointed in myself. I meant it platonically, but that must still have been exceptionally painful for Fluttershy to hear. I wasn't even aware at the time that I was hurting her.

The worst part about it all is that I am the problem. I am reason that Fluttershy is hurting right now. There's not even anything I could do, save reconstruct my very nature, that would ease her pain. To love a pony who could never love you back is a situation I would bestow upon nopony. Cruel fate decided that Fluttershy should experience it now.

I want to love her. I want so badly to love her. I want to hold her close and kiss her tenderly and bring her to the heights of ecstasy. I want to give every part of my body to her. But my heart, the most important of those parts, staidly refuses to love Fluttershy merely because she is a mare, and I don't think it will ever change its mind.

Do I find Fluttershy beautiful? By Celestia, of course I do. She has such a perfectly maintained coat, and she has those well-preened wings that are so warm and soft. Her body shape is slender and elegant, and I know it's one that many mares would die to have. But I'm not attracted or allured by her beauty; I respect it. Like a model compliments a fellow model. I think Fluttershy sees me differently, however . . .

"You're smart and talented and . . . so gorgeous. Your confident voice, your smell after a shower, your fearless blue eyes . . . You're perfect, Rarity."

I sigh again. Fluttershy wasn't listing the things that make me attractive; she was listing the things that she finds in me that are attractive.

I've read many books on romance, so I know all the rules one should follow when pursuing it . . . or faced with it. One of the first rules I give to other ponies is to never date out of pity. One-way love never works, and you'll only grow more and more uncomfortable and spiteful of your partner over time. It's a relationship fraught with lies and deceit. It has never, and will never, end well.

Yet here I am considering doing just that.

Because the only alternative is to refuse her.

If I do, and I tell her that I do not love her back, it would devastate her. I would break her heart and shatter any hopes she had that I could somehow love her and we could be in a romantic relationship. She would cry for weeks, and I couldn't be there to comfort her. Our daily meditation ritual would be lost; she would be too miserable to practice it with me anymore.

I simply cannot bear to hurt her like that. Would it be better or worse if I lied and said that I did love her? Either I break her heart now, or force my own to conform to an impossible love. Both roads lead to misery.

I must make a decision, but I don't want to choose.

It has been a week since I first discovered Fluttershy's romantic feelings for me, and all I've done in that time was work on and ship out my commissions. Hearts and Hooves Day came and went, and ponies came to me to pick up their outfits, love on their minds. Love is on my mind too. It has been for the last week. I want to talk to somepony about this, but my go-to pony is normally Fluttershy, and she is obviously out of the question.

I'm in my parent's house right now, but they aren't at home at the moment. I'm here so Fluttershy doesn't come looking for me and I'm forced to say something to her before I'm ready. I told my parents that the boutique had suffered some water damage and I needed a place to stay. They obliged and said there was a sewing machine in my old room if I needed to use it. It's not home, but it gives me a quiet place to work on my orders . . . and to think.

I've gone through my head countless times the confrontation that will happen if I tell Fluttershy that I do not love her. No matter what I say or when I do it, I always see a pony in tears and a damaged relationship.

I've even tried learning to love Fluttershy; then, perhaps, we could be happy together. Her walk is seductive. She is cute when she twitches her ears to listen to something. She could look rather sexy if she dressed in one of my more adventurous outfits. Her buttocks are big and soft and . . .

No. It doesn't work. It never works.

I sigh and shake my head. Despite all the time I've taken, I have gotten no closer to finding a solution. I stopped going to Fluttershy for meditation and canceled our weekly spa visit when the scheduled day arrived. I can't talk to her yet. I can't even meditate myself anymore without being reminded of her and the choice I have to make.

I can't go back to our meditation and pretend that nothing happened, either. Now that I know, I can't hide it from her. Just because I know the tells of deception doesn't mean I can conceal them all. Hiding one will just emphasize another.

Even though Fluttershy is not as adept at recognizing nonverbal language in ponies as I am, she's seen me enough to know when something is amiss. I can hide this secret from other ponies, but not her. If I go back to her with this in my mind, she would eventually find out that something was wrong.

My hooves move mechanically as they work the sewing machine to hem up a seam to another dress. All I've been doing is busy work, sewing up orders, shipping them to the client, and doing other odd jobs around the house. I can't concentrate on anything else.

I hear a knock on the door.

"Coming!" I call. I put down the dress I've been working on and head to my parents' master bathroom. Mane in order? No tear tracks? Neat makeup? I survey myself to make sure that I'm hiding the turmoil that I've been in. No need to appear a mess in front of anypony. Once I'm satisfied with my appearance, I head to the front door and open it.

"Oh, Toe Tapper," I say, putting a salespony-smile on my face, "how lovely to see you again!" A quizzical look comes over my face. "But, how did you find me? This isn't the Boutique."

Toe Tapper looks at me askance. "Uh, you said that I could to pick up my outfit here if I wanted, remember? And that you'd be staying here for a while?"

I blink. How did I forget saying something like that? It seems that this situation with Fluttershy really disorganized my mind. I hide my thoughts. "Oh, silly me! I guess I forgot!" I try to laugh off. "In any case, you're here now, so come inside! Did your gift to Roseluck go over well?"

Toe Tapper steps inside the house. "You bet it did, Rarity! Roseluck was thrilled." he says, a silly grin on his face.

I chuckle into a hoof. "I'm glad I could help, darling." I notice that he is carrying himself with a good bit more confidence now. Whatever nervousness I saw in Toe Tapper in our first encounter is now gone.

"You should have seen the look on Rose's face when I showed her your outfit," Toe Tapper says. "I've never seen her speechless for so long before!" He drifts off, a dreamy smile overtaking his face. A moment later, he sobers up and looks at me earnestly. "I still don't know why you gave that outfit to me for free. I was willing to pay big for it, Rarity." He digs about in his saddlebags and retrieves a wallet.

I wave him off with a hoof. "No need, Toe Tapper; seeing young love flourish is payment enough for me. And besides—" I wink "—I always have discounts for my friends." I walk over to a low coffee table in the living room and gesture to it, inviting Toe Tapper to sit down. "Come inside, Toe Tapper, and stay for a spell." I walk off to my parents’ kitchen to prepare something to drink.

While Toe Tapper puts away his wallet and sits at the table, I boil water in a kettle in preparation for steeping some tea. My parents are not tea connoisseurs like me, but they have a respectable selection. There's even a fairly decent chamomile here! I open the tin of chamomile with my magic, releasing a strong waft of scent into the air. The smell is simultaneously relaxing and intoxicating. It reminds me of the tea time I normally have with Flutter—

I slam the tin closed. Perhaps tea isn't the best beverage to serve with guests. I turn off the kettle and opt instead to retrieve a couple bottles of pop from the refrigerator.

I sit down at the coffee table across from Toe Tapper and pass him a bottle. "So, Toe Tapper! How did you and Roseluck find love in each other? I do love a good origin story," I say while opening both bottles for us. With a fizz, the scent of . . . well, artificial flavoring permeates the air.

"It's nothing exciting," he begins. "She runs one of the flower stands in the Ponyville Market. Every time I went there to buy something, she always had something interesting to say. We became friends after a while, and I took her out on some friendly dates. After a month or so, I started to see her as more than a friend.

"I didn't want to tell her, though. It's not like she flirted with me a lot or anything. Not that I could tell." Toe Tapper rubs the back of his neck. "So I sat on my feelings for a long time. I wanted to tell her, but I was afraid of what she'd say. I'd never been rejected before, and I didn't want to find out what that felt like. I still don't.

"Then her birthday arrived, and it gave me the perfect excuse to get a gift for Roseluck. I got her some makeup, nothing special." Toe Tapper takes a sip of his pop and puts a hoof to his chin. "Then Roseluck said that I was off that night. Said that she caught me just staring at her for a long while, and asked what was wrong." A blush appears on his cheeks. "I mean, I couldn't help myself. You should see how gorgeous Rose is when the wind blows her mane at night. Especially when the stars behind her make it twinkle.

"So I told her what was wrong. Told her that I thought she was beautiful, and that I fell in love with her a while back. She didn't say anything for a long time." An easy and serene smile spreads over Toe Tapper's face. "But then she said that I was a good guy. That she wasn't sure if she could love me, but she'd be willing to go on a few dates to find out." He lets all his breath out in a happy sigh, his story finished. "The rest is history."

I smile, getting up from the table. "A delightful story, Toe Tapper," I say. "But, what do you think would have happened if, uhm . . . if Roseluck made the first move and asked you out first?"

Toe Tapper gets up as well and walks towards the front door. "That would've been nice, I think. We wouldn't have had to wait nearly as long to get together!" He opens the door and steps outside. "Thanks again for the outfit, Rarity, but I've got a date with Rose in a few hours. See you 'round!"

"Goodbye," I say. As soon as the door closes, I go back to the coffee table and discard Toe Tapper's pop bottle. I never touched mine. Once finished, I head back to my room to think on our conversation. I can't help but feel a little envious of Toe Tapper and Roseluck; they had a "happily ever after," after all, and I don't know if I can give the two of us the same.

Fluttershy's situation right now is rather like Toe Tapper's. But Fluttershy is too shy, too kind. While Toe Tapper waited a year to ask his beloved, Fluttershy will take much, much longer to ask, if ever. I don't know if she’ll ever find the courage to pursue romance at all.

I don't know how long she's had these feelings for me, either. Toe Tapper and Roseluck were friends for a few months when he asked the question, but Fluttershy and I have been together for far longer. If Fluttershy has had feelings for me all this time, she's been waiting for nigh on a decade.

I stifle a shudder. I know that the feelings of vying after someone at a distance, not knowing what their feelings are for you, are awful. That's why I always advise ponies in this situation to gather the courage to ask. All these weeks, months, years, Fluttershy has been waiting, hiding her affections and looking to me for love but never pursuing it. I can't imagine the pain that she's experienced.

I look to the floor guiltily. And now I've stopped seeing her for a week, hid in my parents' house, and skipped our meditation sessions and spa date. I never told her I needed any time off when I left that day; now, she might think that I've abandoned her. In trying to answer my own selfish questions, I've only caused Fluttershy more waiting and more pain.

I still don't know what I'm going to say: whether I'm going to reject her outright or go against my own advice and conscience and try and date her out of pity. But Fluttershy's been suffering for long enough.

I gather my saddlebags and trod out the door of my parents' house. I have a determined look on my face, but inside, my mind is still spinning with answers and situations and consequences and suffering and . . . and crying yellow pegasi.

I try and shake off the thoughts and continue my trip to Fluttershy's cottage.

Whatever may happen, this ends now.

5. Language

I walk quickly to Fluttershy's cottage to prevent myself from losing my nerve. The two impossible choices in my head battle for superiority, but neither has gained any headway. I've read in my advice books before that romance can be messy . . . but I've never experienced firsthoof what that means.

I wish that I had the rest of our friends here to help. Approaching Fluttershy's cottage feels like approaching a nigh unbeatable villain. But this time, there is no Rainbow Power or Elements of Harmony. My friends can't help me with this battle; Fluttershy and I have to face it alone. And one of us has to lose.

Damn my heart to hell for putting us both through this. Only because I can't find the means in myself to love the most important pony in my life. I wish that I could wrench my heart about and force it to adore the pony that the rest of me already does. I've also read in my books that the heart can be fickle . . . As I am discovering, it can also be stubborn, uncooperative, and stupid.

I almost lose my nerve when I see Fluttershy's cottage appear. Stopping for a moment, I take a deep breath, bracing myself for the conversation to come, and press on. I don't even make it halfway to the cottage before something bursts out of the front door and tackles me to the ground.

"Rarity, Rarity! I've missed you so much! Where have you been?"

I look up from the ground and see Fluttershy over me, a panicked look on her face. She's breathing quickly, and her mane is unkempt. She's clinging to me so tightly it seems like she's afraid that I'll leave again. She looks so vulnerable right now.

But worst of all, I see dried tear tracks on her face. Several new ones are being made right now as Fluttershy looks at me with her wide eyes, a mix of panic, sadness, and relief in them. This is what one week of absence has done to her, and I can barely stand to see her like this. What more pain will I cause to her now if I tell her that I can't return her feelings, either? It would kill her.

"Just, um, busy," I lie.

Fluttershy redoubles her hug, and I can feel moisture soak into my shoulder. "I didn’t know where you went. You never said anything when you left, you never answered your door, and you never came by to visit." Fluttershy looks up to me, hoof over her heart, lip trembling. I don't need nonverbal language to tell me how much pain she's in right now. "I thought you didn't want to see me a-anymore." Fluttershy unclenches her hoof and reveals what's under it.

It's the pendant I gave to her one week ago. Right before I disappeared and left her reeling without a word. Another pang of guilt strikes me in the heart.

Fluttershy lets the pendant dangle on her neck. She looks at it wistfully. “I’ve never waited so long at the spa before. Yesterday I sat in the waiting room for hours, just waiting, hoping, b-begging that you would show up.” She launches forward and buries her face into my chest again, her voice muffled. "But you're back. Thank goodness you're back!"

"I . . . I'm sorry, darling. I promise, I won't do it again," I say, stroking her mane and smoothing out the knots. I knew that Fluttershy valued my company—she said as much many times—but not this much. How could I ever reject her like this?

Fluttershy lifts her head and gets off my body, letting us both stand up. The tears are still flowing down her face, but she wipes them off and smiles at me. "C-can we go and meditate now? I've been so worried about you that I haven't been able to do it at all since you left." Fluttershy turns around and starts heading to the slab of rock on the ground.

I watch her go. My body is stuck in place, but my mind is racing. If I go with her, I'll be lost in meditative bliss. We'll have tea again and talk like this week never happened. Fluttershy's tears will be dried.

But I'll have lost my resolve. It was so hard to get it the first time; I don't think I would ever find the willpower to talk to her again. No, our issue has to be addressed, and it needs to be addressed now.

"I know you're in love with me," I blurt out.

Fluttershy jumps up and gasps. She stops halfway to the stone slab and remains motionless for several minutes.

The only sound I can hear is my own pounding heart.

Eventually, Fluttershy's head droops. Her hindlegs seem to fall out from under her as she collapses and sits on the ground. I rush up to her to offer my support.

"So you knew," she whispers. Her face is expressionless, her eyes lifeless and defeated.

I say nothing, biting my lip.

"I've been hiding my feelings for so long. I know you can read ponies really well now, but I hoped that I could hide this from you." Fluttershy lets out a shuddering sigh. "I guess I still have a lot to learn."

"How . . . How long have you felt this way about me?" I ask cautiously.

". . . I don't know. A long time."

My heart drops at the answer.

"I've always found you perfect, Rarity," Fluttershy continues quietly, and trembling I hear on every breath and every word makes me think that she may burst into tears at any moment. "You're so generous and hardworking and kind and confident and . . . beautiful." She puts a hoof on my side, looking at me almost reverently. "So, so beautiful. You're everything that I want to be."

I sit with my mouth agape, dumbstruck. I've been complimented by countless stallions before, but none more sincerely and heartfelt than Fluttershy just did. She really, truly does think that I am perfect . . . but she's wrong. If I was perfect, I could love her and spare her this heartache.

"Ever since I saw you for the first time, I knew that you were special. I was always so excited whenever I could find an excuse to spend extra time with you. It was wonderful when you first asked me to go to the spa with you, and it was even more wonderful when you wanted to meditate with me. That was when I knew that I loved you for sure." Fluttershy's bottom lip starts trembling. "B-but then, I saw you try dating Blueblood, and Trenderhoof, and so many other stallions. And I knew—" Fluttershy clenches her eyes shut, and two thick rivers of sadness trace their way down her face. "—that we could never be.

"Even now, I still love you, but I know you can't love me back. You're like a goddess to me, Rarity. Perfect in every way, but forever out of reach . . ." Fluttershy whispers, her hoof losing strength and slowly dropping from my side.

"But I failed you. I should have been able to hide my feelings from you so you wouldn't be hurt." Fluttershy looks at me pleadingly, tears still running down her face. "I'm sorry, Rarity. I tried."

I finally, finally find my voice. "N-no!" I cry. "Fluttershy, what are you saying? Why are you sorry about something like this?"

"Because I should have been able to protect you from this. I know that you’ll try to take care of me now, but you shouldn't need to feel pressured to love somepony you don't really love. I should have been able to hide my feelings so you wouldn't ever have had to know."

"But what would you have done, Fluttershy?" I shout, horrified. "Hidden your feelings away forever?"

"Yes," Fluttershy says at once. Her face is sad, and her cheeks are still wet, but they're full of an unbreakable strength and determination. "If it meant that you wouldn't have had to keep me as baggage in your love life. If it meant that you wouldn't have had to deal with the pain."

I'm shocked at what I know Fluttershy is about to do: she's going to make my choice for me. My own eyes are watering, and tears are threatening to fall from them. "Please, Fluttershy, don't do this to yourself," I plead.

Fluttershy only shakes her head and tries to smile. It's a horribly forced smile that breaks my heart to see. "I know that y-you're not interested in me, Rarity. I know that you don't l-love me," she says. She's trying so hard to be strong for me, but the tears still falling from her eyes and her broken speech betray the pain that she's experiencing.

Her smile starts to tremble. "I-it's okay, R-Rarity. D-don't worry about me. I-it's okay that we c-can't be—" Fluttershy clenches her eyes shut "—t-together . . ." she forces out. Fluttershy turns away from me, covering her eyes with her hooves. Her whole body shakes and convulses with her silent sobs. She's trying so hard to stay quiet, keeping her sacrifice to herself and not letting me see it.

She did all this for me. To protect me. I touch my own face; it's wet, too. But I should be happy, right? Fluttershy said that she's okay that I don't love her. She's rejected herself, and she's accepted it. There's nothing left to do but comfort her and go back to the way things were.

It's what my heart tells me is right, and yet it feels so completely wrong.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's Fluttershy crying. She's in so much pain right now. The pain of a breakup . . . The breakup of a relationship that never even started but still means so much.

Fluttershy deserves to be happy. She deserves love, but she rejected it herself for years to spare me. If I hadn't discovered Fluttershy's latent feelings, she would have carried them to her grave. Just so I wouldn't have had to choose.

Fluttershy is too kind. She sacrifices herself for the good of others. She takes on other's pain so that they don't have to suffer in it. She made my impossible decision for me so that I could go off and have a happy life of love, free of her baggage. Meanwhile, Fluttershy stays in the background, cheering for me but hiding unfathomable pain underneath . . .

Something inside of me snaps.

I have something inside of me that could ease Fluttershy's pain. To hell with romance advice. To hell with my heart's misgivings. To hell with what the future may bring. I am the Element of Generosity. I give whatever I can to help my friends whenever they need it, and Fluttershy is much more than a friend to me.

I have something inside of me that could ease Fluttershy's pain. And Celestia be damned if I didn't give it to her.

I slowly step towards Fluttershy and wrap her in a hug. She's still crying, incapable of words, but I know she'll listen when I speak. She's always been a good listener.

"Oh, my darling, darling Fluttershy. You are kind . . . too kind," I whisper into Fluttershy's ear. Her sobs slow down so that she can hear me better. "You help everyone, no matter who it is, animal or equine, so that they can have better lives. You taught me your sacred skill of listening and meditation and let me share in it."

I lean in closer and nuzzle her, licking her tears away from her face. "And you buried your affections for me deep inside of yourself for so many years so that I could love freely." I use my hoof to move her face and direct it at mine. Her face is still mottled with tears, but I use my other hoof to wipe the rest of them away. Without them, she's beautiful. So, so beautiful.

"I am straight, Fluttershy, and I fear my heart will never let that change. But I need to do this. I need to try. I know that I will feel strange doing this with a mare . . ." I look at my companion and smile. ". . . but you are kind, Fluttershy. Too kind." I move my head closer towards her. Our noses touch, and our lips are half-a-hoof apart. "And I think it's time," I murmur, my eyelids lowering, "to give that Kindness back."

I close my eyes completely, and we join lips in our first kiss together.

. . .

This feels . . . right? Even though I am kissing a mare, which is contrary to everything I've ever done before. I expected disgust or repulsion, not a feeling of . . . contentment. Even though my heart should be screaming in protest right now. I am a mare, kissing another mare. An overwhelming sense of wrongness should be pervading my body, but all I feel is that this is . . . right.

I know that I've always loved Fluttershy, but I didn't think I loved her romantically. This kiss feels not like a leap over the chasm of romance . . . but a small step to advance the relationship we already have to another level. Just like our meditation sessions built our friendship further, this kiss is doing exactly the same: building our friendship . . . No. Building our love.

Oh, Fluttershy. How silly I was. I know that our bond has always been strong, but I had no idea just how strong it was. We are so close to each other that even the barrier of romance is not a barrier at all to us. I never needed to try to fall in love with you, Fluttershy, because I already did. The moment I met you.

Fluttershy, my sweetheart, I do love you . . . and in exactly the way that you deserve.

My heart, which has caused us so much grief this past week, lies quiescent and content. All it was doing was searching for love, and it seems that my relationship with Fluttershy is love enough and transcends a pony's sex. It seems that we've been together for too long for something as silly as that to come between us. I am straight. I do not love mares. But I do love Fluttershy.

Fluttershy's physical housing is not attractive to me. But everything kept inside her endears me. And that is enough.

We separate slowly, and I look into Fluttershy's eyes. She says nothing. Nevertheless, I can sense the unease sitting on her mind. Was she just trying to appease me? Or does she really love me? she thinks. I answer her unasked question with another kiss, this one longer and deeper than the last.

When we separate for a second time, there's a smile, a true smile, on Fluttershy's lips. I love to see that smile. I turn her around and walk her to the slab of rock on the ground, our usual meditation location. I direct her towards the serene river and have her sit on the rock. Once she's down, I sit behind her, flanking her with my hindhooves and embracing her with my fore. Slowly, I rest my chin on Fluttershy's shoulder in what will likely become one of our favorite new meditative positions. Fluttershy's heart beats into my own.

I whisper into her ear, "Our meditation is a little private corner of Equestria. But there's another that will remain forever ours." I nuzzle into her face, and she nuzzles back. I've always enjoyed the feeling, but now it is so much more meaningful. I continue, "That corner transcends the language we've studied for the last year. It transcends all sound." I place my hoof on Fluttershy's necklace and close my eyes.

"There, we'll study the language of love."

Author's Note

Special thanks to Eloquence for editing this story.

1. Tell Me the Truth, Darling

Birds chirping outside, the hum of the radiator, the seconds hand tick of the clock: these are the sounds I hear. I smile in contentment and lean back in my chair. The creak of wood adds itself to the symphony of sounds reaching my ears.

Just about one year ago, my darling Fluttershy taught me to meditate and listen to the sounds of nature, and it has been an immensely useful skill. Her technique not only helped me deal with my everyday stresses, but also helped me pick up on the nonverbal cues animals express to communicate. This skill has been quite useful on Opal for quieting her down when she's annoyed. One sound that I don't hear right now is my cat making a ruckus upst—

"Miiiao!"

. . . I stand corrected. My smile disappears and I open my eyes. I begrudgingly head upstairs to my bedroom where Opal should have been resting. Instead, she's up and about, prowling in a circle on my bed and growling at me.

Frowning, I try to use this technique of mine and close my eyes again to listen. One of her paws is scratching at the bedsheets, and she's repeatedly sheathing and unsheathing her claws. A continuous rumbling growl is coming from her throat.

I open my eyes. She's annoyed because . . . she's hungry, perhaps? Restless? Fatigued? I sigh in resignation; I just don't know. Just because I've practiced picking up on this nonverbal language of animals doesn't mean I've improved much in interpreting it. I do enjoy listening to them, but they're still enigmas to me more often than not. I go to my bedside drawer and retrieve Opal's pet mouse and catnip. Hopefully one of those two staples will appease her for the moment.

When I present the items to her, Opal takes one glance at them, walks away, and lies down on the bed, glaring at me. I shake my head in disappointment and replace the items. At least she's quiet now.

I've had considerably more success at relieving my stress than communicating with animals with this meditation technique. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, is positively a master at both. On the occasions when she comes to my home for a visit, she always somehow coerces Opal to be a darling, cuddly cat.

I sigh and head back down the stairs to the foyer of my Boutique. Fluttershy's meditation has only brought me so far with animals, but I suppose that's fitting. Understanding and caring for animals is her special talent, after all, and it would be a travesty if I were able to match her skill with only a few short months of practice. No, Fluttershy has a gift in animal whispering that I will never be able to match. Animals have never really been my forte, in any case.

I hear the doorbell ring.

My sour mood drops, and I smile at the sound.

Animals are not my forte; ponies, however, are. And Celestia be damned if I didn't find a way to cater this skill to my strength.

I open the door and greet the pony outside. "Hello, Toe Tapper! How lovely to see you outside of rehearsal! I'd like to welcome you to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique!" I finish the slogan with a toss of my mane. "Please, come in!”

As Toe Tapper walks inside, I lower my head a little and listen closely. As I discovered for myself, ponies express nonverbal language tells just as much as animals do, albeit subconsciously most of the time. Likely owing to my considerable social background, I find these pony tells to be much easier to interpret than animal ones, and Toe Tapper just so happens to be expressing one now. Almost imperceptibly, he's trying to lighten his hoof-falls. The taps of his hooves on my wooden floor are just a bit blunter than they would normally be, like he's flat-footing his steps. He probably doesn't even notice he's doing it, but I do. It means that for whatever he says next, it won't be the entire truth.

I lift my head up, pretending that I noticed nothing. "So then, Toe Tapper, why did you decide to visit my Boutique on this fine day?" I sing.

"Well, Rarity, I know that you make really nice clothes, and I'm just swinging by to see if there's anything here my sister might want," he says.

While he says this, I close my eyes, put a hoof to my chin, and lean in closer. It looks like I'm just thinking deeply, but in reality, I'm listening for Toe Tapper's tells again. His speech delivery is smooth, but his intonation is forced, telling me that there's more to his speech than just the words. I can hear that he's swallowing more often than is necessary, again indicating deception. After he finishes speaking, I can hear him gnash his teeth together a little. That means either anger or nervousness is on his mind, and judging by the rest of his demeanor, I'll guess the latter.

I sneak around to bring my ear closer to his mouth. I find that the sounds of breathing can also be quite revealing. His inhale sounds fine, but I can hear in his exhale a very slight and very fast quaver. It's not the lurching start-and-stop of breath that fear belies, though; it's more like the blissful vibration of breath that escapes one’s mouth when madly in love.

"Ah! These look nice," he says, as he starts to walk to a nearby showcase of designs. As he walks, I hear that one of his back hooves is dragging on the floor longer than the others. It's not enough to see, but enough to hear if one is perceptive. This tell is a bit different; from what I know, it's indicative of fatigue.

Well then. I open my eyes; I think I've found enough. From what I can glean, Toe Tapper is nervously hiding something from me: thoughts of romance, probably. He's also fatigued. Given what day it's getting close to and the half-truths his words tell, I can make a good guess at what Toe Tapper really needs from me.

"Say no more," I say, blocking his way to the showcase with a hoof. "I know exactly what you're here for, darling."

"You do?" he says, turning and looking at me curiously. He cocks his head to the side.

Marvelous acting, Toe Tapper. It’s just too bad that I’m better. "Mhm." I toss my mane once more and walk around him. "You're not here because of your sister, oh no. You're here because Hearts and Hooves Day is drawing near, and you haven't found anything yet to present to your marefriend." I come up to his ear and whisper, "Am I right?"

I hear a loud thump as Toe Tapper's rump suddenly drops to the floor, his hind legs buckling beneath him. "W-whoa," he stutters out. I don't need a response to know my answer. A bit dramatic, perhaps, but this is such a satisfying way to show how astute I’ve become at picking up social cues! "How did you . . . How did you know?" he says quietly.

"Intuition," I respond enigmatically. One must try to keep that air of mystery about a mare, right? Some rumors are floating around town that I can actually read minds. This is one piece of gossip that I do not intend to quash anytime soon!

"Amazing," he whispers.

I cover a chuckle and wink. I take mercy on Toe Tapper and extend my hoof, helping him to his feet. "Come now, darling, no need to hide it from me. I know that you're looking for a gift for your marefriend, and there's no need to be embarrassed about that. If you tell me the truth, then I can really help you, alright?" Let it not be said that I only use my skills to stir up drama.

Toe Tapper looks at me a moment longer with a gaping mouth, then sighs and droops a little. He says, "Alright, you caught me. That's exactly what I'm here for." He sighs again. "I've been looking for days for a gift for Roseluck, but nothing fits. Everything's either too expensive, too gaudy, or too weird. It's our first Hearts and Hooves day together, and I don't want to offend her with whatever I get, y'know? What if she doesn't like it and . . . and breaks up with me or something?"

I put a hoof on Toe Tapper's shoulder for support. "I understand. Buying a gift for your marefriend can be difficult at the best of times." I smile warmly and suggest to him, "Tell you what. I know Roseluck myself fairly well, as a matter of fact, so I can give you some advice. How long have you been dating her, darling?"

"About . . ." Toe Tapper flicks his eyes to the ceiling and taps out a rhythm with his front hoof. "Six months, I'd say."

"Six months, you say." I nod idly in contemplation. "And you have been going steadily all this time?"

"Yeah, but this is the first big gift I've ever thought about getting for her. I don't want to mess it up," Toe Tapper frets. The teeth gnashing he doesn't know he's doing is starting to grate on my nerves. "I love her so much. I don't want to offend her with something she doesn't like."

"Dear, calm down. I can tell that you're nervous right now," I say, putting a hoof on his back. I start doing some of the breath exercises we do as warm-ups when rehearsing with the Ponytones. He joins me in the breath exercises before long, and eventually he stops gnashing his teeth.

I continue. "There we go. Let me tell you what I know about Roseluck, and since you've been with her for so long, you should really know this too: she's not a flighty mare. She lends affection to all her patrons, but only her love to the special ones. 'Keepers,' as they say. If Roseluck has been with you for this long, a poorly-chosen gift will not take her away from you." I pat Toe Tapper on the back. "She loves you too much for that."

Toe Tapper looks up slowly. His frown on his face and sigh on his breath still bespeaks of apprehension, but the glint in his eyes shows hope. "Are you sure, Rarity? I really don't want you to be wrong about this."

I nod. I've read and studied romance and romance books all my life, and I've advised dozens of ponies on what moves they should make. Toe Tapper presents a classic example of overthinking a relationship. No, if the relationship is built on consummate love, no single gift can change that. "Quite sure, darling. Though, if you're willing to entertain my suggestions, I could recommend a few designs that you—and she—would enjoy."

Toe Tapper says nothing for several more minutes. He's clearly thinking hard about what I've just said. I wait patiently for him to make a decision. Eventually, he finds his voice:

"Okay.”