Sunflower - Life in Equestria

Chapters

Editorializing
Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 1
Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 2
Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 3
Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 4
Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 5
Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 6
Humans in Ponyville Chapter 7
Humans in Ponyville, bonus: Ponies watch the Wizard of Oz

Editorializing

Author's Note

Author's Note: This chapter takes place shortly after Chapter 4 of Project Sunflower: Harmony

Editorializing

It was a peaceful morning, which might surprise most ponies who weren't familiar with Manehattan. Just after the sun rose was the best time to find peace and quiet in the city while still enjoying the warmth of the sun. In another hour or so, the streets would be packed with pedestrians and carriages, ponies on their way to work or delivering goods to the various businesses found in this, the most sprawling metropolis in Equestria.

A lone white unicorn sat outside of Good Cup’s Cafe and Bakery, a steaming coffee cooling on the table in front of him. He was sitting with his eyes closed, humming a tune softly to himself while the breeze rustled his leaf-green mane.

The unicorn at the table showed no reaction as another unicorn stallion approached, this one charcoal grey and sporting a white-grey beard. The newcomer bounded up, displaying what some might call an inappropriate amount of enthusiasm for a pony his age.

A grin crossed the charcoal unicorn’s face when he saw that his friend was sitting quietly, apparently unaware of his new company. With a soft orange glow, his magic reached into his saddlebag and took out a neatly folded newspaper, moving it carefully until it was directly over the table. Then, with a smirk, he let his magic wink out.

The white unicorn’s horn flared a deep purple and caught the paper just before it smacked into the table. Purple eyes opened, and the white unicorn sighed.

“‘Morning, Mad Lib.”

“Aww. I thought I had you, that time!” Mad Lib shook his head. “I’ll get you one of these days, BP. And my guess for today is ‘Buttered Pecans’.”

“You’ll have to get up earlier than this, then,” BP said, his smile just a touch smug. “And sorry, that’s nowhere near right.” He moved the paper to one side of the table and gestured at the chair opposite him, which Mad gratefully sunk into.

“Eh, I’ll figure out what your initials mean eventually, BP.” Mad shrugged and grinned. “Of course, that guess may have been influenced by my lack of breakfast so far.”

“Order something, then,” BP said as he returned to his coffee.

“You’ll want to read that paper, BP,” Mad said as he signaled the server with a raised hoof. The mare nodded and began to make her way over.

“Oh?” BP picked the paper up in his magic once again and began reading it. “Anything new?”

“Very much so. Some cub reporter by the name of Typeset actually went to Ponyville.”

That got BP’s attention. “Somepony went there? I thought the Princesses said Ponyville was off-limits to non-local reporters.”

“Not exactly,” Mad said to BP. Then, to the server, he said, “Coffee, three sugars and no cream, okay? And… do you have any fresh crullers?”

“We sure do!” the mare said.

“I’ll have a couple of those, then. Thank you kindly.” Mad looked back around at his friend in time to see that BP had a look of irritation on his face. “What?”

“What do you mean, ‘not exactly’?”

“They didn’t forbid us, so much as just ‘asked nicely’.” Mad shrugged. “It’s most clear Celestia just wants the Element Bearers to live as peaceful a life as possible.” He chuckled. “You know, outside of the occasional world-ending threat. But it’s not like they’re going to chuck us into prison if we go to Ponyville for news. Well, maybe you, but not the rest of us, hah. Oh, thank you, Miss.” The returning server put a cup of coffee down in front of him, along with a plate holding his crullers.

The mare smiled. “Anything else I can get you two?” When the two stallions indicated that they were fine, she nodded and added, “Just flag me down if you need anything,” before trotting off.

“What a sweet mare,” Mad said, watching as she left.

“And half your age, you old goat,” BP pointed out distractedly as he read the front page story. A few minutes later, he grunted and pushed the paper away. “Sunflower, eh? That’s the human.”

“What human?” a third voice asked.

The newcomer was a tan unicorn with a teal mane and ready smile. He trotted up to the table and helped himself to one of the two remaining empty chairs.

“Hey, Spotty,” BP said at the same time Mad said, “Hiya, Tomes.”

“Hey, BP,” Spotty Tomes said. “Hey, Mad. I see you still haven’t decided to chop off that ridiculous muzzle-moss.”

“It keeps my chin warm,” Mad said defensively. He waggled his eyebrows and added, “Also, it’s devilishly handsome. In any case, we were just talking about a news report from Ponyville. Apparently, some young cub reporter decided to go check out the rumor that a certain human-turned-pony was living there again.”

“Oh, wow!” Spotty leaned over, trying to see the paper next to BP’s forehooves. “Is she?”

“Indeed. And apparently she’s got wings and a horn, this time.” Mad snorted and flicked his tail. “Though, everypony there is quick to say that she’s not a real alicorn. More human trickery.”

“Well, that makes sense,” BP said, passing the paper over to Spotty Tomes. “I don’t know all the specifics of what is and is not an alicorn, but I doubt you could just build one in a lab. A human lab, at that.”

Mad stared off. “How can you be sure, though?” he asked.

BP shrugged. “I can’t. Just a gut feeling.”

“Well put, sir. Very scientific, as you would no doubt say,” Mad replied, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, just because I’m a science reporter doesn’t mean I can’t have gut feelings,” BP nodded at his cutie mark, an Erlenmeyer flask crossed with a quill. “My intuition didn’t turn off when I got my mark.”

Before Mad could reply again, the fourth member of their little group trotted up. This one was an earth pony, a rich brown in color, with a scruffy grey mane and tail. His grey-tinged muzzle made him look older than he was, though that was just a product of his distant Trottingham ancestry.

“Hey, guys. What’s up?” the newcomer asked as he sat down in the last unoccupied chair. “Mad, did you know that you still have a wild animal attached to your face?”

“I don’t think his face-squirrel is wild anymore,” Spotty smirked.

“Does my beard really look tame to you?,” Mad asked with an exaggerated grimace that morphed into a smirk of his own. “We were just talking about the human in Ponyville, Mr. Fix.”

“Humans, huh?” Simple Fix grinned. “Fascinating creatures. I can’t wait to get my hooves on some of their technology!”

“So you can break it?” Spotty Tomes asked, giving the earth pony a good-natured elbow to the ribs.

“Hey, I fix whatever I take apart!” Simple Fix said, glancing at his cutie mark of three interlocking gears. “Though, granted, not always to its original function.”

While this was going on, BP had taken the paper back. “Look at this nonsense, though. I mean, kudos to this Typeset fellow for having the guts to go to Ponyville as a reporter, but what’s with talking to everypony but Sunflower? I mean, it’s great to know what the average pony thinks of her, but why not do a complete job by actually talking to her?”

“Maybe something happened that stopped him,” Spotty said with a shrug. “I wonder why the local reporters won’t talk about her, either.”

“I suspect the subtle hoof of one or more princesses,” BP replied.

“Can I read the story?” Simple Fix asked. “Thanks,” he added as BP set the paper in front of him.

For the next half hour, the four friends talked and passed the time. Their server made several more appearances, clearing away empty cups and bringing out fresh ones. The topics of discussion ranged all over, though they always seemed to end up touching back on the humans in some way.

For example, the separatists on Starfall Island were making waves again, campaigning to shut down contact with humans. It was a campaign that was gaining some ground, though mostly among the older ponies who disliked change.

Still, if there was one thing the four of them agreed on, it was that any real and in-depth reporting on humanity was distressingly absent.

“It’s all fluff pieces,” BP complained. “I want to know more about their technology.”

“Yeah, no kidding!” Simple Fix said.

“I’d like to know more about their literature,” Spotty Tomes said. He chuckled and indicated his mark, a spotted tome. “It’s my special talent to put together all sorts of different information, after all. I hope she brought many human books.”

“Hm… Maybe we should start up our own publication?” Mad suggested.

“Ha! That’s a good one!” Simple Fix’s smile faded after a few seconds. “You aren't kidding.”

“Not at all! Of course I want to write about the humans!” Mad grinned and flung out his forehoof dramatically. “Think about it. Humans in Equestria… and beyond!”

“Watch it, you goof!” Spotty Tomes said, ducking the out-flung hoof.

“Seriously now.” Mad stood up, placing his forehooves on the table. “Surely you’ve been dreaming about something like this since college! We’re always talking about getting back together and working on some big project. Can you think of anything bigger than this? The field is open, we’d be one of the few groups actually working on it!”

“Huh,” BP said, rubbing a hoof along his jaw. “Reporting on humans, both in and out of Equestria. I’d work the science angle, I’d suppose?”

“Yeah!” Simple Fix’s eyes lit up as his ears perked up. “You take the high-science stuff that the eggheads like, I take all the gadgets and appliances that the common pony is interested in!”

“I could work on their media,” Spotty Tomes said, warming up to the idea.

“And I’ll… uh… I suppose I’ll do everything else?” Mad said, then shrugged. “We’ll need somepony to cover the magic angle, at least. Maybe we need more reporters and staff.”

“We do,” BP said, nodding. “Probably some editors, too.” He snorted at that. “Unless you want to try editing each others’ articles and stories again?”

“Ugh, no thanks!” Spotty Tomes said, shuddering. “That didn’t work out so well, last time.”

“Took me a week to get the smell of wood smoke out of my mane,” Simple Fix added.

“Well, we are missing the fifth member of our little club,” Mad pointed out. “Sure, he moved all the way to Las Pegasus, but he might be willing to come back for this.”

“Hmm…” BP thought about it before nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try to contact him and see if he’s in. He’s a damned fine editor.”

“So, what do we call ourselves?” Simple Fix asked. The others looked at him and he shrugged. “Hey, it’s a fair question.”

“Well, how about… Human Investigators?” Spotty grimaced as he probed the name.

“What about ‘The Earth Post’?” BP suggested.

“‘News of Two Worlds’?” was Mad’s contribution.

“‘Harmonics Journal’?” Simple Fix added.

“Happy Fun Time With Humans!” The other three stared at Mad Lib. “What?”

“How about ‘The Crossworlds Journal’?” Spotty Tomes suggested.

“Sounds too much like ‘crosswords’, but you may be onto something there,” BP said. “I like ‘Journal’, makes it sound like we’re serious about what we’re doing.”

“Maybe we can do something that relates to humans specifically?” Mad Lib suggested.

“That would be a good idea,” Spotty Tomes said. “Like what?”

“Well… Uh…” Mad Lib considered something. “They’re bipeds? They wear clothes all the time?”

“Neither of those seem like a good idea for a title,” Simple Fix said with a shrug. “Besides, I think we need to have something that has humans and ponies together.”

“Humans have hands, and ponies have hooves,” their waitress said as she refilled their various coffees and teas. “How about ‘Hoofinhand Journal’?”

The four friends looked at each other, startled, before the chuckle started up. Four cups raised in unison, three lifted by magic and one by hoof, in a spontaneous toast.

“The Hoofinhand Journal!” they said together.

Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 1

Author's Note

This story arc begins concurrently with Project Sunflower: Harmony chapters 16-18.

Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 1

The train chugged its way down the mountainside, looping back and forth to follow the tracks. In the distance, the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon, lighting up the land below. Most of the ten humans in the car were chattering and exclaiming over every little thing, overflowing with excitement and marveling at the landscape scrolling by so far away. All of them had their phones out, taking videos of anything and everything that caught their eyes.

Jerry Mallon had his own spot at one of the windows. In spite of his gleaming bald head and scruffy grey beard, being an active outdoorsman had kept him lean and trim, meaning that most people guessed his age at a decade or more under his actual age of sixty-two. He was the oldest human on the team by almost twenty years, followed by Tom Carsten, who was the head of the roofing team.

Maybe it was because of that age difference that Jerry didn’t see the point of loudly describing everything that passed by outside of the windows, as if he’d never seen trees or rocks before. That didn’t stop him from taking plenty of videos of his own, though.

It had been a hectic day so far. After being rushed through the gateway at an ungodly hour, they had been received by a group of pony escorts, five of whom had been in the armor of the Royal Guard. Even though they’d spent the previous day chatting with Lyra, the unicorn that worked at Harmonics, seeing that many ponies all at once had blown some sort of fuse in a couple of the kids. They’d just stood there gawking at the ponies until Jerry had finally had enough and started nudging them in the back to get them moving.

The ponies had led them through the sleepy city of Canterlot, the cobbled streets lit yellow by the flickering streetlamps that pushed back the darkness. They’d been hustled straight to the train station, where they were surprised to see that an actual steam locomotive was waiting for them. Other ponies had hauled their gear in wagons, even going so far as to load it onto the train for them.

It had been a weird thing to see, and Jerry still had to shake his head over it. He’d seen horses back on Earth, but to see an Equestrian pony willingly walk up and put on his own harness in order to pull a wagon had been beyond surreal.

The train had taken off a few minutes later. There were no other passengers, since someone in the pony government had commissioned it just for this one trip.

Jerry looked over the team he’d assembled. All of them were folks that he’d worked with before. He knew all of them, they knew their jobs, and he trusted them to be on their best behavior at all times. That last one was important, since there had been no less than twelve bureaucrats over the last ten days who’d made it a point to tell them that they’d be representing humanity as a whole.

They’d even taken classes on it. Jerry still shuddered over the “do’s and don'ts” presentation they’d been forced to sit through on Thursday last week. No swearing, no physical contact, no taking pictures of the residents, answer questions politely, always wear your nametag, and so on. Maybe it was necessary to go over it, but the six hour presentation with the follow-up written test seemed like overkill.

At least they’d provided coffee, donuts and a free lunch to go with the lecture.

The windows darkened as the train went through one final tunnel, finally coming out amidst the foothills of Canter Mountain.

“It looks so… normal,” said Tandy. Her hair, which was almost definitely another one of her many wigs, was long and black with a single red streak by her left temple.

“Yeah. I would have expected it to seem more alien,” Michelle replied. She was a short woman, running slightly to pudgy, which was a contrast to Tandy’s tall leanness. Her muddy brown hair was pulled back in a short ponytail.

“What, Canterlot wasn’t weird enough for ya?” Lucas asked, grinning and flashing his winning smile.

Tandy snorted and pushed his shoulder. “Nobody was talking to you, Lucas.”

Jerry frowned at the pair of them. Though he’d worked with both of them before, the two of them had never worked together. They’d been flirting since day one. Tandy had once described herself as “romantically playful”, always ready for fun. Lucas was too handsome for his own good and threw around smiles and winks like he’d cornered the market on them.

I hope this doesn’t become a problem, Jerry thought. He resolved to keep an eye on them. While he didn’t mind if the two of them hooked up, it would have to be after the job. No canoodling in Equestria had been in that presentation, after all.

He tuned out most of the chatter around him, looking back out the window and watching the hills and grasslands speed by.

They arrived in Ponyville almost before they knew it. One moment they were passing rapidly along the tracks, the next they were slowing to a halt as buildings popped up on either side of the train. With a final jerk, and the hiss of releasing steam, the train settled to a halt.

“Alright!” Jerry barked, getting the startled attention of everyone in the car. “This is it, folks. Remember the rules. Best behavior, always wear your nametag, be nice. Any of you screw up, you’re right back on the train and out of town before you can blink. Got it?”

“Got it, boss!” Tom Carsten replied, grinning. “So, let’s go see some ponies!”

Jerry rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine. Let’s move it.”

The group of humans moved towards the exit to the train car. Jerry went first, looking around to see what kind of welcoming committee they’d get. To his mild surprise, there was only one pony on the platform waiting for them. To his greater surprise, it was a pony he actually recognized. She was wearing a bright yellow dress so he couldn’t see the sunflowers he knew were on her hips, but he definitely recognized her. Putting on his best grin, he approached the mare with his hand extended. “Miss Sunflower, I presume? I’m Jerry Mallon. I’m the head of this little gang of interdimensional explorers.”

“Yup, I’m Sunflower.” The light brown mare extended a hoof and Jerry took it in his hand, giving it a shake and letting it go. He was mildly surprised by how warm it was. “You can call me Erin if you like, it doesn’t matter to me.”

Jerry looked down at the pony, all fuzzy and adorable with her tumble of auburn mane, her wide, pine-green eyes, and warm smile. He decided right then and there that calling her anything other than “Sunflower” would nearly be a crime. She was just too damned cute for a plain old human name.

Sunflower continued on, unaware of his decision. “How was the trip?”

“Hectic at first. The ponies shuffled us through the palace and onto a train before we could even blink. Though, they were nice enough to carry all of our gear for us.” He clapped his hands. “Oh, that reminds me! A few of these boxes are for you. Maggie Henson asked us to deliver them for you.”

“Awesome!” Sunflower said with a wide grin. “That’s got to be all the stuff I ordered.” Her grin faded, replaced by a frown. “At least I hope that’s all of it.”

“It makes a stack as high as I am tall,” Jerry replied. “I have to admit, I’m curious as to what all that is.”

Sunflower winked. “It’s a surprise for the ponies.”

Jerry glanced over his shoulder to see that his fellow humans were standing clumped together, talking and pointing out landmarks. The one exception was one of the wifi techs, Erika, who was standing and gaping at Sunflower.

“I suppose I should introduce the gang,” he said, then whistled sharply to get everyone’s attention. “Over here, guys!”

The crew broke off their chattering. They came over, a few of them eagerly, the rest of them too busy staring around at the strange pony town to bother hurrying.

As Jerry started rattling off the names and specialties of the other nine men and women in the crew, he noticed that poor Sunflower’s eyes were starting to glaze over. He tried to keep the amusement out of his voice at the sight, though he didn’t blame her for losing focus. He was throwing a lot of names and information at her.

Sunflower blinked at the onslaught of information. Then she looked curiously at the front of his shirt. “So, why the name tags?” she asked.

Jerry winced. He’d forgotten he was wearing one, along with the rest of the crew. It was a little demeaning, even if he knew there was a good reason for it. He hid his discomfort by adjusting his own tag and buffing it against his collar.

“Before we came over, we were given this big speech about how we’re all the ‘representatives of humanity’ and all that,” he said.

It had been more of a lecture, really, and it had been one of many, all delivered by extremely grave men and women with very important job descriptions and severely serious suits. They had all been warned, repeatedly, to not mess this up. If the ponies had bad things to say about them, it was unlikely any of them would ever find contract work with the government again.

“We’re supposed to be nice, friendly and approachable,” Jerry continued. “We’re also supposed to be on our best behavior.” He gave his crew a stern look out of the corner of his eye. “Isn’t that right, gang?”

“Sure is, boss,” said Tony Bello, one of the men on the solar tile team. The rest of the crew were quick to offer up their own assurances as well.

“Well, that’s good,” Sunflower said, smiling and perking up her ears.”So, I think we should get you guys settled, huh?”

~~*~~

Sunflower led them through a town that looked like it belonged in either a fairy tale or a Disney movie. It shouldn't be possible to feel nostalgic about a town on an alien planet, Jerry decided. But here he was, in this quaint little town of talking, colorful ponies, absolutely sure he’d seen this place before, or at least one very much like it.

Almost all the homes were thatched, though a few had slate or tile roofs. A few of the homes and businesses broke the town’s rustic aesthetic, with buildings that were downright weird, including one that looked for all the world like a jester’s hat and another that looked like a carousel.

There was even one building that looked like a fairytale-style gingerbread house. Judging from the mouth-watering aroma of baking bread that was wafting out of it, it pretty much had to be a bakery. Jerry’s stomach rumbled, and suddenly that morning’s breakfast seemed like it had been hours ago. He decided then and there that he was going to that bakery the very first chance he got.

The Moondrop Inn was one of the more rustic buildings. It was a large, two-story structure, the exterior walls fronted with river stone up to the bottom of the windows, and what looked like pine above, all done up in natural colors. To Jerry’s eye, it looked like something transported directly from a high-end ski lodge.

The bell above the door gave a little jingle as Sunflower pushed it open. Jerry followed her in, the rest of the humans trooping in behind him. He looked around, noting the cozy interior with a certain amount of satisfaction. To the left was a large room populated with small couches, cushions and chairs. Bookshelves were built directly into the walls, holding not only books but various knickknacks and other small items. Dominating the room was a fireplace that was fronted with yet more river stone. The floors were a scuffed hardwood, well-cleaned and stained dark brown. Tasteful if somewhat worn rugs covered most of the floor.

Straight ahead of the first door was a staircase that led to the second floor. To the right was a door, which opened just as Jerry looked at it. A pale blue mare trotted through, freezing and looking startled at the large group of humans milling about the place. Her silvery-grey hair was done up in a thick braid down her neck, and, as she trotted closer, Jerry noted that her tail had the same style. A bright white star was emblazoned on each of her hips.

The mare relaxed and smiled as she walked closer.

“How wonderful! My first human guests!” The mare looked them over. “Wow, you look different from what I expected.”

Jerry chuckled. “Do we, now? How did you expect us to look?”

“Ah, well…” The mare winced and looked towards the floor, rubbing one forehoof against the opposite leg. “Somehow I got the idea that you’d look like giant, pale frogs.”

That caused some chuckling, though Sunflower spluttered at that, finally managing an incredulous “What?! Where did you get that idea?”

“I, uh…” The innkeeper frowned. “You know, I don’t know. I think I just overheard it from somepony.” She brightened up, pointedly ignoring Sunflower’s irritated muttering. “I’m Moondrop, by the way. This is my inn. You folks need anything, you come and get me. Come on, I’ll show you to your rooms.”

“Do we get keys?” Jerry asked as he followed her up the stairs.

“Sure do! We keep the keys in the rooms. Oh, and I hope it’s not too big of an inconvenience that we've only got the four rooms. I’m expecting a couple more to open up in a day or two, and I’d be happy to let you have them, if you want.”

“That would be great, ma’am,” Jerry said. “Much appreciated.”

Moondrop stopped suddenly, and Jerry almost ran into her. “Now, now,” she said, smiling over her shoulder and flicking her tail at him. “The name is ‘Moondrop’. ‘Ma’am’ just makes me feel old!”

“Can’t have that,” Jerry said. “Not when you look so young!”

It wasn’t like it was a lie. Moondrop was a bit thicker around the waist than Sunflower was, but aside from their colors, he really couldn't see much difference between the two ponies. But all the ponies he’d seen so far had a kind of ageless look to them, at least to his eyes. The truth was that she could be a senior citizen, and he would have no way of knowing.

Moondrop’s answering giggle told him that he’d hit just the right note. Jerry grinned up at her. It always paid to be on the good side of your landlord, after all.

He heard Lucas, several paces behind him, make some comment to Tandy, who giggled. He wasn't able to make it all out, but he distinctly heard the words “ladies’ man.” He heard Sunflower, who was trailing at the rear of the group, let out an annoyed snort.

What was worse was that Moondrop’s ear flicked at the comment. That was when Jerry learned that ponies could blush.

Great. We’re here less than an hour, and already I’m going to have to have a talk with someone about their behavior, he thought.

The rooms were pretty much identical. Fairly spacious, with a bed that looked surprisingly comfortable wedged into the corner of the room. There were also end-tables and a small dresser available to use. Jerry looked at the available floor space and gave a satisfied nod. It looked like there would be plenty of space for two or three air mattresses, and each room also had an outlet for the air pumps they’d use to inflate them. Fortunately, each of them also had a power converter to allow them to use their gear with Ponyville’s strange outlets and inconsistent power grid.

Everyone seemed utterly charmed by the place, much to Jerry’s pleasure. Sunflower was standing at the end of the hallway with a pleased smile on her face as everyone remarked on how incredibly cozy everything seemed. It was all going really well until Moondrop pointed out the two large restrooms at either end of the hallway.

“So, wait,” said Michelle, one of the three women on the WiFi team. “The rooms don’t have attached bathrooms?”

Moondrop seemed taken aback by the idea. “Well, no,” she said. “Is that going to be a problem?”

“No, it won’t,” Jerry asserted quickly, cutting off the incipient grumbling from a few of the other crew members. “The facilities are perfect.”

Which was true, even though the restrooms looked a little strange. Rather than the familiar pedestal toilet, there was instead a trough in the floor. The sink was pretty similar to what you’d find on Earth, with the faucets operated by pedals on the floor.

“So, everything is okay?” Moondrop asked, fidgeting a little as she did so.

Jerry didn’t know much about pony body language, but with her ears swiveled back and her tail flicking like that, it practically screamed nervousness. He smiled and nodded. “The rooms are perfect, Moondrop. Thank you so much.”

“Glad to hear it,” she replied, smiling and relaxing visibly. The front door jingled just then, with Moondrop’s right ear swiveling to catch the sound. “Well, it sounds like I have another visitor. You folks get settled in, and come find me if you need anything. Oh, and the keys are hanging up next to the door. You can lock your rooms if you want, though we don’t really have a theft problem here in Ponyville.”

“Will do. Thanks again, Moondrop!”

She waved and trotted back down the stairs, and Jerry spent the next few minutes deciding who was going to room with whom. It seemed obvious that the three women would be in one room, which left three to split up amidst the remaining men. Jerry found himself in the same room as Tom and one of the two Robs.

Sunflower, in an apparent bid to stay out of the way as everyone got situated, was still at the end of the hallway. She was looking at a painting that was on the wall. Jerry had seen it himself on the way up and had been momentarily fascinated by it. The painting seemed almost like a typical landscape, except the point of view was from the top down, as if the painter had been above the scene, somehow. With a start, Jerry realized that might have been the case, if the painter had been a pegasus.

Even though he’d known about the ponies for months, now, it was still hard to wrap his head around how different Equestria could be.

“Alright, folks,” Jerry said once the chaos of room assignments was over. “Stow your clothes and personal effects here, get your gear, and let’s head on over to Sunflower’s place.”

The team quickly obeyed and, though there were a couple of minor squabbles over who would carry each individual room key, they were back on the streets of Ponyville a few minutes later.

The little town was waking up by the time they got there. Ponies of all colors and descriptions stopped and stared as the humans followed along behind Sunflower, each of them wheeling handcarts or carts loaded with boxes or utility bags. Jerry found himself the subject of more whispered conversations in the short trip to their next destination then he had in his entire previous life.

The stares and whispered conversations weren't one-way, either. The group of humans were doing plenty of that on their own. Sunflower disregarded the attention, though judging from the way her ears flicked around, she was aware of it.

“Aww, they’re just too cute!” Michelle exclaimed behind him.

He looked back to see her pointing at a couple of tiny, wide-eyed ponies who were gaping unabashedly at the procession of humans through their town. These two were much smaller than the others, one of them a white unicorn with a purple and pink mane and the other an orange pegasus with a purple mane. The two of them whispered something to each other, shot another fascinated look at the group of humans before shooting off together towards some unknown destination.

Sunflower’s own home was a cute little thing, a one and a half story with a cream-colored exterior and pine green trim. There were more flowerbeds in the front yard then there was lawn, with green shoots starting to poke their way up out of the soil. The yard even had a white picket fence surrounding it.

Jerry stood next to Sunflower on the street outside her house. She was watching as the crew brought the gear and boxes into her living room, and he was looking over the thatched roof with a discerning eye.

“Anyplace I can get lumber around here?” Jerry asked.

Sunflower stopped watching the crew stacking boxes and frowned up at him. “Lumber? Sure, Barnyard Bargains if nowhere else. Why would you need lumber, though?”

Jerry shrugged. “Might not, it all depends on what’s under that thatch. Gotta have something to attach the tiles to, after all.”

“Aah, right, gotcha.” Sunflower’s face scrunched up adorably for a moment. “Could that be a problem? I gotta admit, I have no idea what’s up there.”

“I wouldn't worry about it. We’ll still be done on time,” Jerry replied, looking around. Sunflower’s house was cozy but fairly Spartan. There was a couch and some end tables, there wasn't a whole lot of decoration aside from a couple of paintings.

Sunflower’s purchases were stacked in her living room, causing the cozy space to feel even more crowded. Not only that, but her home was going to be the unofficial headquarters for both the wireless and solar panel teams, with all of the gear and equipment stored there rather than in the much smaller rooms at the inn.

Sunflower sighed wistfully as she looked at the boxes, bags and carts scattered all over her house. “I just got everything put away, too.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll go quickly,” Jerry assured her.

Sunflower grunted, then sighed again. “Well, I suppose we should go see the mayor. She’s really been looking forward to meeting you all.”

“Lead the way,” Jerry said.

She did so, giving a little tour as she led them through town. Even with Sunflower pointing out various landmarks and places to eat, it was only a few minutes later that they approached the town hall. It was the tallest building Jerry could remember seeing in Ponyville yet, aside from the clock tower. It had the same cream coloration to its round walls that seemed so common here, with accents picked out in dark pink. Sunflower opened the door and held it while everyone else filed inside.

The mare that was presumably the mayor stood inside, looking both nervous and excited as she adjusted her collar, which was her only article of clothing. Several other ponies stood on either side of the mayor, all with nearly identical smiles.

“Welcome, everyhuman,” the mayor said. “Welcome… to Ponyville!”

Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 2

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Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 3

If there was one thing Erika was good at, it was fading into the background. While the “Welcome to Ponyville” party swirled in front of her, she’d managed to find a shadowy recess that hid her quite well, sinking back into it until her shoulders hit the wall.

She just wished that she hadn’t selected a baggy brown sweater to wear to the party, which was causing her arms and back to break out into pinpricks of sweat. The day had seemed cool enough that she’d need it when the evening came around, but she hadn’t considered the collective body heat of a few dozen ponies and humans all in the same large room. Now she was stuck sweating out the consequences.

It wasn’t that she disliked parties, necessarily. She enjoyed being invited, and the buzz and murmur of conversation around her was intriguing. Not to mention, it was still really cool being this close to the ponies. It was just that crowds of strangers put her on edge. Even more so if those strangers were essentially aliens.

Not that the ponies weren’t adorable, friendly, and genuinely nice. None of them had been rude or overly pushy. Well, except for their hostess, Pinkie Pie, who had practically pounced on her the moment she’d entered the fanciful-looking bakery in order to shove a glass of ruby-colored punch into her left hand and a paper plate with a slice of cake into her right. It was just that everything was so surreal that it felt like she was close to overloading.

Erika much preferred observing, anyway. It was so much more fun to analyze than it was to participate.

She looked around, easily picking out the humans that seemed to tower over the pony residents. Tandy, currently sporting long black hair with red highlights, was laughing and joking with a large crowd of ponies, all of whom had to crane their necks to look up at her. That made sense, since Tandy was usually the center of attention wherever she went. Erika assumed that the other woman’s confidence came from her extraordinary beauty; not only was Tandy tall and thin enough to be a model, her sculpted features, athletic physique and flawless ebony skin made her look like some sort of goddess. When she moved, it was with the grace and confidence of a dancer. Maybe it was that self-assurance that made Tandy one of the most outgoing and friendly people Erika had ever met.

Tom, Tony and Cody were clumped together in a circle like usual, their backs to the ponies while they chatted and held drinks of their own. She could vaguely hear Tony lamenting the lack of “kick” in the punch, though that didn’t stop him from getting a refill every time his glass was empty. Those three always seemed to gravitate together during any social gathering, their conversations usually starting out about cars or sports, but eventually devolving into of complaints about their current job, previous jobs, or the people they had worked with in the past.

Erika usually tried to avoid the three of them, especially when they were together. The middle-aged and balding Tom always seemed ready to moan about something in his life, and would do so at length to anyone unfortunate enough to get roped into listening. Tony was fond of making really awkward jokes that always left Erika wondering if he was being deliberately insulting or was really just that ignorant. Cody didn’t say much, relying on others to fill in the conversational gaps. Since Erika wasn’t exactly a great conversationalist herself, that usually ended up causing a sucking vortex of silence and awkwardness between them.

Jerry was over talking to Applejack. By the looks on their faces, they were talking business of some kind. Michelle, looking plump and happy in her faded blue jeans and green T-shirt, was talking with a pair of mares, a fuchsia earth pony with three smiling flowers on each of her hips, and a blond-maned grey pegasus with bubbles for her cutie mark.

Erika paused in her examination of the party to reflect on how over-the-top adorable the term “cutie mark” was.

As she expected, Rob Murphy was on one end of the room, while Rob Walters was on the other. Those two didn’t get along, partially because they both insisted on being called “Rob” instead of any kind of nickname. The teams had started calling them Rob One and Rob Two, which, as number two, annoyed Rob Walters to no end. Fortunately, they looked nothing alike. Rob Murphy was short but heavily muscled and broad across the shoulders, with stubbly hair and sun-bronzed skin. Rob Walters was pasty, tall and gangly, and had a mouth like a bass. At least they seemed to be enjoying the party, even if that meant each of them pretending that the other didn't exist.

Lucas was off talking to someone that Erika recognized instantly, even with the addition of a horn and a set of wings. Sunflower, or Erin, was looking up at the young man with a wide, goofy grin and sparkling eyes as they talked.

Erika shook her head with a wry smile. Apparently, Lucas had no problem charming women even when they were ponies. Erika had been ready to write him off as a womanizing jerk when she had first met him, but she eventually realized that he treated everyone the same, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. He didn’t even seem to realize the effect that he was having most of the time.

Whatever sexual charisma he seemed to exude had no effect on her. Oddly enough, that made Lucas the one person in the group that was near her age that Erika was comfortable talking to.

She took a hesitant sip of her punch. It was shockingly cold, amazingly fruity, and it hit the spot perfectly. She finished off the rest quickly, then cursed herself for her lack of foresight. The punch bowl was on the other side of the large room, underneath a banner that read “Welcome Humans!” If she wanted anything to drink with her slice of cake, she’d have to brave the commotion of the party in order to get a refill.

It was easy enough to dodge the clusters of conversation on the way over to the snack-laden table. Erika kept her head down, studying the floor and trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone. In social gatherings, eye contact often led to conversations, and she was more than happy to just get her refill and slink back to her shadowy recess in order to resume her observations.

A minute later, with a freshly-filled punch glass and the addition of a chocolate-chip cookie next to the cake on her paper plate, she made her way back to her hidey-hole only to find it occupied. That fact surprised her so much that she accidentally made eye contact, her blue eyes meeting the wide teal eyes of the light yellow pegasus who was currently engaged in shrinking back against the wall. The mare had a cascade of pink mane that partially obscured one of her eyes and a trio of butterflies for her cutie mark.

“Oh,” Erika said. She hesitated, not sure of what to say next.

Erika looked back over her shoulder at the party, which was still in full swing. Tandy had gathered an even larger audience by this point and was telling what Erika recognized as the beginning of her “One time, I got so drunk at Cancun” story. There really wasn’t anywhere else for her to stand and be out of the way.

She looked back at the pegasus, who had looked away, though with one ear cocked towards her. The shadowy space was big enough for two. Besides, it didn’t look like this mare was going to be too intrusive.

“Okay if I join you?” Erika asked.

The pegasus started at the sound of her voice, her ears laying back as her wings spread slightly open. After a long moment, she nodded and stepped aside to make room, even though there was plenty of space already. Erika stepped gratefully back into her hiding spot, quickly putting her back to the wall and facing the party. A few seconds passed. Erika took a sip of her punch. It was really good.

“I’m Erika,” she said softly.

The pegasus looked down at the floor and shuffled a hoof across it before responding in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

“...Fluttershy,” the pegasus murmured.

Erika blinked, her mouth hanging open in shock. Of the six Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, five were well-known on Earth. Rainbow Dash and Rarity had been more than happy to do interviews with some of the human reporters who were stationed in Canterlot. Twilight, Pinkie and Applejack hadn’t done nearly as many appearances, but were still very recognizable to most of humanity.

Only Fluttershy had escaped public scrutiny. The only pictures of her were grainy shots from a long distance, or blurry pictures of a streaming tail as its owner disappeared around a corner. Princess Celestia had actually gone so far as to announce to the human reporters that anyone discovered harassing Fluttershy, be it for an interview, photos or video, would be politely but firmly escorted back through the gateway to Earth and never allowed back.

And, now, here she was, not two feet from the elusive Element of Kindness. Erika’s hand itched to grab her phone in order to take a picture. She took another sip of punch, instead.

Her heart hammered as she tried to think of something, anything to say to Fluttershy that wouldn’t make her seem like a complete idiot. At a loss, she settled on silence. That seemed to suit the pegasus nicely, as she eventually lost some of her stiffness and seemed to relax a little. To her surprise, it was actually Fluttershy who started the conversation.

“I’m sorry,” the pegasus said.

Erika glanced over at her, confused. “For what?”

“I think I took your spot.”

“Oh.” She considered her response for a few seconds. “It’s a good spot, isn’t it?”

“Oh, yes.” Fluttershy nodded, causing her cascade of hair to ripple. Erika briefly wondered what it would look like in a French braid. “It’s my favorite spot in Sugarcube Corner. I always come here whenever Pinkie throws a big party.”

Erika smiled and shrugged awkwardly. “I guess I stole your spot, then.”

Fluttershy smiled back and then went back to watching the party. Erika did the same, though she set her drink down and finally tried some of the cake on her plate. The flavor exploded across her tongue, making her squeak with surprise. Fluttershy looked over at her curiously as she chewed and swallowed.

“This cake is amazing,” Erika said, pointing her fork at it.

“Oh, I’m glad you like it. Pinkie will be so happy to hear that.”

Erika frowned out at the party. Pinkie was there, whirling from group to group while avoiding their little shadowy recess. “Yeah. I should tell her that.”

“You don’t like parties?”

Erika glanced down to see Fluttershy looking up at her with her impossibly huge eyes.

“I like parties okay,” she eventually responded. “They just tire me out. I’d rather stay on the sidelines and watch. It’s more fun for me that way.”

“It’s the same for me,” Fluttershy said.

They went back to a companionable silence, watching the crowd of partygoers, which was largely a new group by this point. New ponies were coming in at about the same rate that others were leaving, which was either a remarkable coincidence, or evidence of some form of crowd control.

A small group of colorful ponies had gathered to listen as Applejack and Rainbow Dash engaged Tom, Tony and Cody in a discussion that sounded like it was a couple of short steps away from an argument. The subject of the discussion seemed to be on the relative merits of football versus hoofball. It turned into a three-way battle when Rainbow Dash, using lazy beats of her wings to hover at eye level with the humans, asserted that Cloudball was better than either.

Rarity and an unknown purple unicorn had joined Erin, who was glancing at the pair of them with poorly-concealed irritation as they horned in on her conversation with Lucas. At first, Erika had assumed that the purple mare was Twilight Sparkle, but on a closer look she noticed that both her mane and her cutie mark—a trio of diamonds—were all wrong. Diamond-pony seemed to be blithely oblivious to Erin’s annoyance, but Rarity kept sending sly glances Erin’s way that had the former human flushing scarlet under her light brown coat. Lucas, of course, remained completely clueless to all of this, even as he shot a sparkling smile at Erin that deepened her flush even further.

Tandy’s story was still going on, much to the delight of the crowd around her. There were so many smaller stories that made up the whole of what Erika liked to call the “The Saga of Drunk Tandy in Cancun” that the retelling of it could literally go on for hours, each part of the story getting more wild and unbelievable as it progressed. To Erika’s vast relief, it seemed like the other woman was editing out the more mature parts of the story for her Equestrian audience.

Erika took another sip of her punch. “This is a great party,” she said.

“Mmm-hmm,” Fluttershy said next to her. A few minutes passed before Fluttershy cleared her throat. “Um, can I ask you a question? If you don’t mind, I mean?”

“Of course,” Erika said, trying on what she hoped was a comforting smile. It seemed to work, because Fluttershy returned a smile of her own.

“The Mayor sent out a letter a few days ago, mentioning that someone was going to stop by and set up some equipment at my house.”

Erika nodded. “That was the plan, yes.” She hesitated, trying to think of how to put this next part. She knew that ponies in general weren’t all that familiar with human technology, but Fluttershy had a human friend. Maybe she knew more than the average pony did? “Do you know what wireless networks are?”

To her vast relief, Fluttershy gave a gentle nod. “Oh, yes. They set one up in Canterlot last time I was there.” She giggled, covering her mouth with a hoof as she did so. “It sounded like magic to me, though Erin would roll her eyes whenever I said that.”

Erika chuckled at that. “Well, that’s what we’re doing. Setting up equipment for a wireless network.”

“It won’t hurt my animals, will it?”

“You have pets?” Erika asked.

“Not just pets. I take care of all sorts of animals. They’re my friends.” Fluttershy shuffled a hoof across the floor. “I just worry that it might harm them.”

“It’s perfectly safe.” A thought occurred to her, and she frowned. “Well, it’s perfectly safe for Earth wildlife. I can’t say for certain about anything you might have here. But we haven’t seen any issues with the animals in Canterlot.”

“Oh…” Fluttershy trailed off, looking thoughtful.

“Look, I’ll tell you what,” Erika said. “I’ll show you how to disconnect it, if you want. That way, if you see any animals acting strangely, you can turn it off and see if they get better.”

That seemed to perk the pegasus up. She looked up, smiling. “Oh, could you? That would be wonderful!”

“I’d be happy to,” Erika replied with a smile of her own. “So, what kind of animals do you take care of?”

Fluttershy’s smile widened as her ears perked up. She began telling Erika stories about all of the adorable animals that would come by, looking for food, companionship, or medical assistance. Judging by the flood of information that was spilling out of her, it was something the little yellow pegasus was very passionate about.

Ordinarily, Erika tried to avoid conversations. She never knew what to say, which tired her out and made her feel like she had an itch under her skin, and all she wanted to do was to get away. But Fluttershy’s soft voice never made her feel stressed out or drained. To her surprise, Erika even began to reciprocate, telling stories about her childhood pets, mostly cats and dogs, though with the occasional gerbil or Guinea pig thrown into the mix.

Time passed quickly, and the party continued on its own, with no further analysis from Erika. She was so engrossed in their conversation that she completely lost track of time. That ended when Pinkie Pie suddenly popped up next to them, making them both jump.

“Gosh, I know I throw great parties, and I hate to end it when you’re still having fun, but I have to clean up some time!”

Erika assumed from Pinkie’s wide smile that she wasn’t the least bit upset. At least, she hoped so. Fluttershy blinked a few times, holding her hoof pressed up against her chest. After a long few moments, she relaxed and smiled warmly at Pinkie. “Oh, would you like some help?”

Pinkie scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Pfft, nah! I already got most of it. You two just go ahead and head out whenever you’re ready, okay?”

“Oh, but I’d like to help,” Fluttershy said, looking around at the remains of the party.

Erika did the same and was shocked at what she saw. The banner was gone, as were all the pennants. The food had been removed, and the floor looked freshly swept. In fact, the only mess that remained was Erika’s own empty glass and the plate and fork she’d used for her cake.

“Oh, my,” Fluttershy said, touching a hoof to her mouth. “Are we the last ones here?”

“Yupperoonie!” Pinkie said. “I’d have let you keep talking, but it woulda probably got awkward once I turned the lights out.”

Fluttershy giggled. “I’m never the last one to leave a party.”

“Same here,” Erika confessed, grinning. “Seriously, though, it was a great party, Pinkie Pie.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Pinkie said. “I was a little worried when I saw you go into Fluttershy’s corner, but I’m glad you two ended up getting along.”

“My… corner?” Fluttershy asked, tilting her head and frowning at her friend.

“Yup!” Pinkie jumped on top of the nearby table and reached up to tap the bulb above them with a forehoof. The light flickered on, and suddenly the little shadowy recess wasn’t so shadowy anymore. She winked and hopped back down to the floor. “It all comes down to knowing what my guests want.”

“Oh…” Fluttershy said, clearly at a loss for what to say.

“Um. Well, thanks. It was perfect for me, too.” Erika sent a lopsided smile Fluttershy’s way. “I guess I really did steal your spot.”

Fluttershy giggled at that. The two of them made their way out the front door. Pinkie called out an enthusiastic, “Good night, and thanks for coming to the party!” as she shut the door.

Erika stood next to Fluttershy in the street, wondering what to say next. In spite of all of her standard expectations for this type of gathering, she’d actually managed to have fun. She was actually kind of sad it was over, which was an experience she’d never really felt before after a party.

“Um, Erika?”

Fluttershy was looking up at her, illuminated by the glow of the light over Sugarcube Corner’s door.

“Yes, Fluttershy?”

“Um. Usually, I just stay at a party long enough so that it doesn’t seem too rude when I leave, but I actually had fun tonight.”

“I did, too.”

“Well, if it’s alright, would it be okay if I considered you a friend?”

Erika looked down at the pegasus, who looked tiny and fragile and hopeful in the small pool of light. A joyful smile crept across her face and she nodded happily. “I would like that, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy’s smile beamed out like sunlight. “I’ll see you later, then,” she said. She waved and began moving off, presumably towards her house.

“Good night, Fluttershy,” Erika called, waving after her.

Erika waited until Fluttershy vanished down the street. Then, humming a happy song to herself, she made her way back to the Moondrop Inn.

Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 4

Dust from the streets of Ponyville, stirred up by the hooves of the residents and helped along by a mild breeze, coated Michelle Baranski’s arms and face with a light grit. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t for the bright spring day being warm enough to cause her break out into a light sweat, giving the dust a good surface to cling to.

With the look of the town, with all the thatched roofs and old-world architecture, it reminded her of her teenage years, back when she would go with friends to their local Renaissance Festival, located just on the outskirts of Des Moines, Iowa.

Granted, none of the ponies were dressed up in period costumes, though that would have been adorable. In fact, they typically weren’t dressed at all, except for the occasional accessory such as scarves or hats. For the most part, that wasn’t a problem, but every once in a while Michelle’s eyes would happen to catch a glimpse of a body part that, in human society, would likely get that person arrested.

Adding to her nervousness was the small crowd of ponies that had gathered to watch her and Tandy work, chatting softly to each other while keeping their distance. It was a level of scrutiny made her a little uncomfortable, which in turn made her even more sweaty, which increased the amount of dust that was sticking to her.

Instead of dwelling on it, she focused as much as possible on the task at hand, which currently meant standing on top of a short stepladder in order to install a mounting bracket under the eave of the building they were working on. The building, a cozy little combination of flower shop and residence, was owned by a pink-coated mare named Daisy, who was staring at them while they worked.

“Try not to damage the exterior more than necessary,” Daisy called to them from the front of her shop.

“Yes, ma’am,” Michelle called back.

“Is that the whole thing?”

“No, it’s the mounting bracket,” Michelle replied. “The repeater will attach to this, once I get it in place.”

Daisy sniffed, her ears flat on her head. She pointed a hoof at the repeater, which Tandy was unboxing. “Is that the thing?”

Since Tandy didn’t seem interested in replying, Michelle had to answer again. “Yes, ma’am.”

“I don’t like the color,” Daisy said. “It clashes.”

Michelle was barely able to check an exasperated sigh. The last thing they needed was for the mare to change her mind. “It can be painted to whatever color you like.”

The mare blinked at that. “It can? That won’t hurt it?”

“No, ma’am. It’s weather-proofed. Once we seal it up, you can paint it to your heart’s content.”

“Wait, wait,” Daisy said, waving a hoof and frowning. “I have to paint it? Not you?”

Michelle ground her teeth together and shot an exasperated glance at Tandy, who was studiously ignoring both human and pony. No help would be coming from that quarter.

“We’re only contracted to install it, ma’am.” She allowed herself a smile as she added, “Besides, if you do it, at least you’ll know the color will be right.”

Daisy’s frown didn’t lighten at all. “I’m just glad the Mayor is going to be paying me for this, or it wouldn’t be worth it.”

With that, the mare turned and walked away, presumably to go back to work in her store. Michelle finally let out the pent-up sigh she’d been holding on to for so long. It was the mention of a monthly stipend that had finally swayed the mare into letting them install the wireless repeater on the outside of her home-slash-business in the first place. Michelle hadn’t bothered telling her that it was actually the US government that was paying for it, and not the Mayor’s office.

“So, what’s that thing?” a young voice piped up from ground level.

Michelle glanced down at three young fillies who were staring up at her with wide eyes. Unlike the adults, who were happy to watch them work from the roadside, the fillies had come right up to them. The one who had spoken was a light yellow filly with a pink bow in her red mane. She was flanked by a unicorn on her left and a pegasus on her right. They were, as far as Michelle was concerned, the most adorable things she’d ever seen.

“It’s a wireless repeater,” Michelle said, holding the device up. It was deceptively heavy for its size, the weather-proofed and tamper resistant smooth white plastic case specially designed to use Ponyville’s spotty DC current. Most of the weight came from the built-in battery which was installed to even out the current and keep it working without a hitch.

“What’s it for?” the pegasus asked.

“It’s complicated and you wouldn’t understand,” Tandy said from the bottom of the stepladder as she sorted out the cabling. She was apparently a lot less impacted by the sheer adorableness of their new fan club than Michelle was.

The pegasus took a half-step back, her ears drooping. “I was just curious.”

Michelle, not being able to handle the look of wounded pride on the filly’s face, took over the explanation, ignoring Tandy’s irritated snort. “It’s for a wireless network,” she explained. “It makes it so that some types of human devices can talk together.”

“Talk? Talk how?” the unicorn asked in a chirping voice. “And what ‘devices’?”

“Well, you see…” she started.

“We’re kind of busy, kids,” Tandy said, interrupting. “Can’t you run along and play?”

The work continued in relative silence for a few minutes as the three little fillies held a whispered conference amongst themselves. Finally, the redheaded pony spoke up.

“By the way, I’m Apple Bloom. This here is Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.”

“Nice to meet you, girls. I’m Michelle, and my coworker is Tandy.”

“Hey,” Tandy said, still working on the cabling and not bothering to look up at the fillies.

“Any way we can help?” Apple Bloom asked. “I’m pretty good with tools.”

Michelle gaped in horror at the filly for a moment before forcing a smile. “I’d love to let you, but I don’t think our insurance carriers would be happy about it. Besides which,” she said, holding up her electric drill and pulling the trigger a couple of times, causing the thing to whirr loudly. “I don’t think your hooves will work with our tools.”

She didn’t miss the avaricious glint in the filly’s eyes as she looked at the power tool and promptly decided to make sure she kept a very close eye on her tools while the fillies were nearby.

“I can do magic!” Sweetie Belle offered, doing an excited little prance that melted Michelle’s heart. “I’m sure I could help!”

“What kind of things can you do with magic?” Michelle asked. Aside from levitation, she hadn’t seen much in the way of magic from the ponies.

“Um… Well... “ she looked down at the street while she scuffed a white hoof in the dirt. “I can make my horn glow,” she said, blushing. “Usually.”

“We have flashlights,” Tandy said brusquely. “Why do you want to help, anyway?”

The trio exchanged looks. Apple Bloom, who seemed to be more or less the leader, piped up. “We were thinkin’ this may be what gets us our cutie marks.”

Their briefing before heading to Equestria had included, amongst many other things, a short summary of cutie marks. Michelle didn’t really understand them or where they came from, but she knew it was of huge cultural significance to the ponies. A quick glance at the filly’s hip indicated that it was, indeed, unadorned.

Michelle sighed and turned back to the bracket she was trying to install, slotting a couple of rails into place in the assembly. “So, you think you’ll find your purpose in setting up Wi-Fi repeaters?”

“Well, maybe,” said Scootaloo with a touch of defiance in her voice. “We haven’t found anything yet, but maybe that’s because none of the things we tried were human-related.”

“It would make sense,” Sweetie Belle said in a reasonable tone of voice. “We’ve tried everything we could think of in Ponyville, and nothing worked. So maybe that means that our cutie marks might have something to do with Earth?”

“It would be awful if we went our whole lives, never finding our purpose just ‘cuz we never got to try out human stuff,” Apple Bloom added.

“So, can we help?” Sweetie Belle asked, then all three of them together pleaded, “Pleeease?”

Michelle glanced down at her audience and then froze. The three little fillies were looking up at her with big, soulful eyes, droopy ears and pleading expressions, which even included a trio of wobbly bottom lips.

It was the closest thing she’d ever seen to weaponized cuteness.

“No,” Tandy said, as blunt as a brick wall. “Not even a remote chance.”

The three fillies held the look for a moment longer before they broke.

“Well, it was worth a shot,” Apple Bloom muttered, kicking at the grass with a hoof. “Come on, girls. Maybe we can try chicken wranglin’ over at Fluttershy’s again.”

Michelle’s heart was in her throat as the three fillies slumped away, heads down and tails drooping as their hooves dragged through the dirt road.

“Don’t do it,” Tandy warned, causing her to jump.

“Uhm. Do what?”

“I know that look. Those three little cuties got to you.” Tandy smirked at Michelle’s look of surprise, adding, “I’ve seen it over and over again growing up with my little sisters. They’d turn on the sad puppy eyes and my mom and dad would cave.”

“They looked so miserable though,” Michelle said, looking after the three of them as they trudged down the street.

“Eh, they’ll be fine,” Tandy said as she unpacked the power supply for the repeater. “Did you want to be tripping over them all day?”

“Well, no…”

“Give them ten minutes—twenty, tops—and they’ll be just fine,” Tandy assured her.

Michelle sighed and got back to work, attaching the wireless repeater to the freshly-installed mount while Tandy secured the power line down the outside of the house. She looked up just in time to see little the earth pony say something to the other two, who perked right up at whatever it was she’d said.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders Human Investigators!” the three of them shouted together, adding a “Yay!” at the end for good measure.

Michelle gaped as the three of them ran off, any sign of of their previous distress completely gone. Something in her gut told her to be worried about what just happened.

“Looks like it took a lot less time than ten minutes for them to get over that,” Tandy noted wryly.

“Yeah, I guess,” Michelle said with a laugh.

She looked at the repeater, now nice and tight in its mount. Tandy had attached the power cord securely to the wall, though she’d left some play at the end. A Ponyville-certified electrician by the name of Sparky would be coming along later to actually attach it to the building’s electrical system. She wasn’t sure if Sparky was his actual name or just a nickname. It could be hard to tell with ponies.

“Well, let’s get on to the next one, shall we?” Michelle said as she hopped off of her ladder. A quick consultation with their tablet-based map pointed her towards their next target. “Let’s see…Lily’s house should be this way. All set?”

Tandy had already packed their gear onto the cart they were using to haul the equipment around. “All set.”

Together, they made their way into town and towards their next destination.

~~*~~

Rob Walters blinked the grit out of his eyes as the breeze once again flung more of the road into his face. He was getting paid well for this trip to tiny pony land, and far be it for him to argue about the nature of the job, but it seemed damned strange to him to set up wireless internet in a town that hadn’t even bothered to pave most of its roads.

As weird as the rest of Ponyville was, the “building” he most recently found himself in front of of took the cake, managing to be even crazier than the shop that looked like a giant jester’s hat. Part of his brain was telling him that there was no way this was what it looked like. The ponies, he deduced, must have applied those same crazy building techniques to their library, fashioning it into a very convincing, but ultimately fake, tree.

That part of his mind steadfastly ignored his senses, which were busy pointing out little details like bark on the outside of the library, and the green leaves that fluttered in the breeze. The tree had to be fake.

“This one gets a repeater both outside and inside of the building, right?” he asked his co-worker.

“Yeah,” Erika replied from somewhere in the vicinity of his right elbow.

It briefly occurred to him to wonder if it was Jerry’s idea of a joke to assign the tallest and shortest person on the team together. Maybe he thought they would even out to an average height, or something.

The fact that Erika almost never spoke more than absolutely necessary meant that most jobs with her tended to consist of long periods of awkward silence. Well, awkward for him. She seemed unperturbed by the whole thing.

“Right, let’s see if anyone is in,” he said before giving the door three firm knocks.

A moment later, a scratchy voice from inside snapped, “It’s a public library, you know. You don’t have to knock!”

Rob glanced down at Erika, who shrugged before opening the door and walking in, leaving the battery-powered hand truck parked in the grass next to the door. He left the propped ladder against the exterior wall and grabbed his folder full of paperwork off of the top of the boxes stacked on top the hand truck before following her. He had to bend almost double to avoid rapping his head on the top of the library’s door frame. Pony-sized doors were definitely a problem for taller humans.

The interior of the library was wood. Wood floor, wood walls, wooden shelves carved into the walls, wooden ceiling, all polished until it glowed. All joined seamlessly and, apparently, organically. He marveled at the skill of the pony craftsman—craftspony?—who had built the place.

The place smelled of musty old books intermingled with the sharp scent of fresh ink, layered on top of a citrus odor he guessed was probably wood polish. And underlying everything, of course, was the scent of wood.

To his surprise, Erika was looking around with a wide-eyed expression of wonder rather than her typical blank stare, her eyes gleaming as she wore the biggest, and possibly only, smile he’d ever seen on her. He found that vaguely unsettling.

According to their map, this place was both the town library and the home of one Twilight Sparkle. Every news station back on Earth reported that she was the leader of a group of six ponies, each of whom wielded one of a set of insanely powerful magical artifacts. As upsetting as it was to think of magic being real, there was no denying that it was. Especially after seeing what had happened to the Black Tide when Twilight and her friends went after it. Her picture, as well as most of her friends except for the rarely-glimpsed Fluttershy, had been all over the news for the last few months. He had been looking forward to meeting her.

The unicorn mare in front of him was not Twilight Sparkle, though she could have passed for her grandmother. She looked as much like a stereotypical librarian as a pony could, with her iron-grey mane done up in a tight bun as she glared at them through the red-framed catseye glasses perched on the end of her muzzle. She had a pencil lodged in the crease between her right ear and her mane, and a spiral notepad dangled from a string around her neck. Her coat was a dark grey, like a thunderstorm, which matched her scowl as she took the two of them in.

“Humans, eh?” she said after she finished sizing them up. “Can’t say as I’ve ever had your kind in my library before, but I don’t mind as long as you don’t make a mess.”

“Your library?” Rob repeated. “I thought you said it was a public library.”

In the uncomfortable silence that followed, Rob’s smile wilted like a flower at noon in Death Valley. He’d meant that lightly as a way to break the ice. Judging from the freezing cold glare the librarian was auguring into him, no ice had been broken. It didn’t help his pride one bit that Erika was giving him a look that was equal parts pitying and exasperated.

“I, uh… I meant it as a joke,” he ventured lamely into the silence.

“A joke?” The librarian arched an eyebrow. “We have books on those. Can’t say I’ve ever read any of ‘em.”

He started stammering out an apology, which the librarian waved off with one of her forehooves.

“Relax. That was a little joke of my own,” she said, smirking.

Rob flushed hotly while Erika let out a low chuckle at his expense. So much for human solidarity. He cleared his throat and attempted to gather the tattered shreds of his dignity together, straightening up until his head almost brushed the ceiling of the library.

“Anyway, we’re not here for books,” he said, a little stiffly. “My name is Rob, and this is my co-worker, Erika. We’re here to install a wireless repeater.”

The mare hummed and tapped her chin with a hoof. “Hm. I haven’t heard about any installations, and I don’t have a single clue as to what a ‘wireless repeater’ is. In any case, I’m not about to allow that, not without a form signed by the mayor and approved by Twilight Sparkle.”

“I’ve got the forms right here,” Rob said, opening his folder and pulling out the pertinent forms. He let out an involuntary yelp when the papers started glowing an icy blue before yanking themselves out of his hands.

“Where is Twilight Sparkle, if you don’t mind me asking?” Erika asked.

“Hmm? Oh, she’s in Canterlot. Some business for the Princess, I gather. I’m filling in for her.”

The librarian studied the papers with narrowed eyes and pursed lips before sighing and floating them back over to Rob, who took them gingerly and placed them back in his folder, unconsciously wiping his hand on the front of his pants after he did so.

“Well, it all seems to be in order,” she said. “Will it take long?”

“No, it shouldn’t,” Erika said. “Most of the time will be figuring out where to put it so it’s unobtrusive and out of the way, but still close enough to hook into the library’s electricity.”

“Unobtrusive, hmm? I approve of that.” The mare gave out an almost genuine-looking smile. “My name is Mrs. Stacks, by the way.”

Erika shook her hoof first. Rob had to kneel in order to grasp it, shaking the hoof gingerly while trying to ignore the fact that he was basically holding one of her feet in his hand. He gave it a gentle shake, then waited until she glanced away before he surreptitiously wiped his hand on his pants while wishing he’d brought along some hand sanitizer. Who knew what ponies walked through during the course of their day?

“So, what do you need for this doohickey of yours?” Mrs. Stacks asked.

“Ideally, it should be mounted on a ceiling,” Rob said. “As close to the center of the structure as possible, so we get the best signal strength possible throughout. And it should be near an electrical outlet.”

“Hmm. Second floor, then.”

Mrs. Stacks led the way to a short, narrow staircase, with Rob and Erika trailing behind.

“This place is pretty impressive,” Rob said as they ascended the staircase. Hopefully, complimenting the mare on the library would get him into her good graces after his earlier faux pas. “How’d the builders manage to make it look so life-like?”

Mrs. Stacks looked over her shoulder at him, one brow arched . “It wasn’t built, it was grown. It’s life-like because it’s alive.”

She turned away and climbed the last few steps to the second floor, ignoring Rob as he goggled at her for a long moment. He finally started moving again when Erika jammed her index finger into his rib cage.

“That’s not possible!” he managed as he reached the top of the stairs and walked out onto the second floor. “This tree is all hollowed out! It should be dead!”

“Earth pony magic,” Mrs. Stacks said as she turned to face them. “Old magic, too, and powerful. This library’s been here for over ninety years.” With a wink, she added, “Of course, it’s gotten a bit bigger since then. Only had two floors when I was a filly, now it’s got three.”

“But… how?”

The old librarian shook her head. “I have no idea. You could ask an earth pony about it, if you can actually find one who knows how it was done. I researched it a little when I was younger, but whoever grew the place didn’t bother writing anything down. What little bit I could find out didn’t make a lick of sense to me. But, then, I’m a unicorn, not an earth pony, so I suppose it wouldn’t.”

Rob swayed a little as his brain tried to process what he’d just been told.

“In any case, I was thinking you could install it next to the ceiling light, maybe use the same electrical current?” Mrs. Stacks said, pointing a hoof at the fixture in question.

“That should work,” Erika said. “Do you know Mister Sparky?”

“Town electrician?” Mrs. Stacks smiled and seemed to thaw a little at the name. “I know him, yes.”

“He’s going to be doing all of the electrical work,” Erika continued. “You should see him in a day or two.”

“Right.” The mare’s horn glowed again, and the pencil lifted itself from behind her ear as the notepad rose up before her face, both items surrounded by that same icy blue aura. She made a note before placing the pencil behind her ear again. “So, what exactly does this doohickey do?”

Erika looked over at him, a question clear in her eyes.

“Why don’t you tell her?” Rob answered, his voice faint. “I, uh, I’ll go get the stuff from the cart.”

She shrugged and started giving the old mare what sounded like the beginning of a very abstract version of what Wi-Fi was and what it was going to be used for.

Rob made his way down quickly down the stairs and onto the first floor of the library. He made his way to the center and turned slowly in place, trying to take it all in. Then walked over and put his palm on the interior wall of this supposedly-alive tree.

It only took him a few seconds before he yanked his hand back. Then he went outside and picked at the bark until a small piece came off, examining it for a few minutes before dropping it in favor of plucking a leaf off of one of the branches overhead. He examined the leaf closely, then dropped that too.

The wood of the interior had been warm to the touch, and it felt fresh, not dry at all. The little piece of bark looked authentic, and there wasn’t any glue on the back to hold it to the tree. The leaf had obviously been alive before he pulled it off of the branch.

There was no doubt about it. The tree was alive.

It took a few minutes for Rob’s heart to stop racing. Just the other day, he’d stepped through a portal between worlds and into a place that looked like a city out of a fairy tale. He had been greeted by pony-like aliens on the other side before taking a train ride to a town full of them, a place where magic actually worked, and where the practitioners of that magic used it for the most mundane things imaginable, like writing. They’d had many briefings before they’d left, and he had been sure he was ready for whatever they would encounter, but this library had thrown him for a complete loop.

He wasn’t sure why it had impacted him this way. Maybe it was because the ponies, for all their strangeness, were at least consistently strange. All their weirdness was wrapped up in one package, take it or leave it. But the tree was different. Trees were familiar to him, or they had been. To see one shaped this way by magic while still keeping it alive… for the first time since he’d arrived, the realization struck him, deep down in the core of his being, how very very far away from home he was.

Eventually, his breathing slowed back to a normal rhythm. He was intensely aware of the fact that Erika would be waiting on him and wondering what was taking so long. She might even come out to investigate, which meant that she see him as a quivering mess over a stupid tree. At that thought, he managed to pull himself together.

He grabbed a few of the things he’d need off of the cart and, bracing himself, went back inside the magical, enchanted tree library. No matter how crazy everything was, he still had a job to do. Now, if only he could get his hands to stop shaking...

Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 5

The area around the grass-roofed cottage gave Tandy flashbacks of her uncle’s pet store in Chicago. She had spent two years there as a teenager, ringing up customers, feeding animals and cleaning cages, all while trying to save up for her first car. It was because of that smell that the sixteen-year-old version of herself had sworn to never work with animals again.

At least Fluttershy put some effort into cleaning up after her animal friends, or the yard would have been a lot worse. Judging by the mass exodus of fuzzy and feathered critters that had streamed away from the cottage as she and Erika had approached, the cottage and surrounding area was one short step away from being a large petting zoo.

Fluttershy had matched her animals’ skittishness, hiding behind her flowing mane whenever she couldn’t just fade into the background. She was currently holed up inside her house discussing who-knows-what with Erika, the mousy brunette. Erika the little mouse and Fluttershy the animal caretaker, of course they’d get along.

Tandy snorted as she began drilling the holes needed to secure the mount for the wireless access point to the exterior wall. The fact that Erika had been invited inside of the home of the tiny little pegasus, who had seemed downright terrified of Tandy, had more than a little to do with her growing annoyance at the whole situation. Not to mention that she was out here trying to do a two-person job solo.

It was a sunny day, and Tandy’s irritation was helped along by the sweat prickling along her scalp. Today’s wig was one of her most uncomfortable, a thickly-layered shag cut in an alternating series of electric dark and light blues. It was chosen specifically to fit in with the Ponyville crowd and had earned her many admiring glances from the pony folk during her walk out to Fluttershy’s cottage, but it was hot as hell with the sun right on it.

Still… it was worth it, to look this good.

Tandy had gotten the last of the holes drilled and was getting ready to install the mount when she heard the front door open and close. Erika came around the side of the cottage a moment later, carrying her bag in one hand and frowning down at the grass under her feet as she approached.

“Finally ready to help?” Tandy asked, carefully wiping the sweat from her forehead with a cloth.

Erika jumped a little, a guilty look drifting across her face. She put the bag down with exaggerated care before nodding. “Sorry about that. Fluttershy had some questions about the Wi-Fi.”

“I figured.” Tandy shook her head as she came down the ladder. She glanced at Erika’s bag, sitting in the shade under Fluttershy’s house. Was it a little fuller than before she went in? “So, you want to unpack the AP while I sort out the cabling?”

“Sure thing,” Erika said, breaking out her box-cutter and setting to work.

~~*~~

“So, what’s with the hole?” the little yellow earth pony asked.

“I was kinda wonderin’ that myself,” Radio Wave said, the charcoal-colored unicorn glancing curiously at the hole Jerry had cut into the roof of the closet earlier that morning.

“The hole is attached to a newly-installed duct that vents out on the side of the house,” Jerry said. “This end of it is going to be fitted with a fan.”

He held up the fan in question, plastic with a metal collar and about the diameter of a dinner plate.

“Okay,” the filly said, arching an eyebrow. “But why?

“I was just about to ask that!” Radio Wave added in, grinning at the filly and ruffling her mane with a hoof. She grinned up at him, preening at the attention.

Jerry rolled his eyes. He was stuck with the stallion at the Mayor’s insistence. She’d wanted a local pony “expert” who could maintain the equipment, which made sense. Even though there was no way Radio Wave would be able to do much more than power cycle anything that wasn’t working.

As for the filly, for some incomprehensible reason Erin had decided that it was okay for Apple Bloom to sit and watch as much of the installation as she wanted to, provided that she stayed out of the way and didn’t touch anything. And then, of course, she’d vanished somewhere, leaving the filly with him.

“The equipment we’re installing here is going to generate some heat. We’re putting in ventilation so that the heat doesn’t build up—”

“And start a fire?” Apple Bloom asked, her eyes lighting up at the prospective mayhem.

“No, of course not. So that it doesn’t cause the equipment to get damaged. It would shut itself down before it got anywhere near hot enough to start a fire.”

“Oh, that’s good. I wouldn’t want the house to burn down.”

Jerry noticed her eyes wandering over to his open toolbox. She took one hesitant step, and then another.

“Nope,” Jerry said flatly, bringing her up short.

“I wasn’t gonna touch ‘em!” Apple Bloom protested. “I just wanted to look at ‘em!”

“What did I tell you before?” Jerry asked.

Apple Bloom sighed. “You said you’d kick me out if I did anything dangerous, even if it ain’t your house.”

“Danged right,” Jerry replied with a satisfied nod. “I’ve seen people get badly injured with power tools. You treat them with respect, or you get hurt.”

“He’s right, kiddo,” Radio Wave added in. “Once saw a stallion near cut his leg off with a bandsaw because he wasn’t payin’ attention.”

The filly’s eyes widened. “No foolin’?” she squeaked, looking a little green.

“No foolin’,” Radio Wave replied somberly.

Apple Bloom’s eyes narrowed defiantly. “I’ve used power tools before, an’ I’m always careful.”

“Well, you aren’t using mine,” Jerry replied shortly as he worked the collar for the fan into the hole. “Your parents want to let you use their power tools, that’s their business.”

“Ain’t got no parents,” Apple Bloom muttered. Her whole body seemed to droop towards the floor as she said it, her ears sagging and her eyes looking down between her hooves. “They died when I was a baby.”

Jerry’s heart lurched briefly. “Sorry, Apple Bloom. I didn’t know.”

The filly sniffled and ran a fetlock across her muzzle. “S’okay. I don’t really remember ‘em much at all. My Granny, sis and big brother take good care of me.”

Jerry used the ensuing awkward silence to get some more work done. The collar snapped into place, and the fan clicked in a minute later. Then it was just a simple matter of running the power cord down to the outlet that Sparky the electrician had installed in the closet for them.

“The cord’s just gonna hang like that?” Apple Bloom asked. “You should tack it up, or somethin’.”

“That’s the plan,” Jerry said. “Just going to make sure it runs without wobbling before I finish up.”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that! That makes sense.”

The fan started up with a quiet whirring noise. With the closet door shut, it was doubtful that Erin would even be able to tell that it was on. Which was kind of the point, really. The fan had a sensor that would turn up the speed as it sensed higher temperatures. He ran it manually through the various speeds to make sure it stayed put in its mount.

“I think that’s got it,” Jerry said a few minutes later with a satisfied nod. “Nice and tight, not so much as a wobble.”

“So, now you’re going to take care of the cord?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Yes. Yes, I am,” he said with a sigh.

“Can I help?”

Jerry wasn’t psychic, but he had a horrible premonition at that moment. The future stretched out before him, a future consisting of unboxing and racking equipment, each step accompanied by the piping, curious voice of a little filly who was far too eager to be truly helpful.

It was going to be a long day.

~~*~~

Tom Carsten walked the streets of Ponyville, the bright sun beating down on his dust-covered, balding head. They’d made great progress today on the solar tiles, so they had opted to take an extended late lunch to avoid the worst of the afternoon heat.

Not that there was a whole lot left to do for his team. Erin Olsen’s house wasn’t exactly large, with its simple gable roof. Tearing off the thatch had been much easier than expected, easier even than removing shingles would have been. The most time-consuming part, assembling and installing the framework used to attach the solar tiles, had been completed in record time.

As he walked through the town full of tiny horse-people, it struck him as kind of amazing how almost-normal it was to him now. It had been a struggle at first, with the townsfolk a weird cross between adorable and creepy, and he’d had to keep reminding himself that these were actual sapient creatures and not some strange animal.

Sure, he’d still have the occasional moment of confusion or disorientation when looking at the ponies, but those moments were becoming more and more rare. When you got to know them, the ponies started to seem like normal, if somewhat fuzzy, people.

“Hiya!” a voice chirped behind him.

Well, most of them seemed normal. And then there was Pinkie Pie, the bright pink mare standing behind him and wearing a pair of saddlebags stuffed with what looked like rolls of wrapping paper. A creepy-looking stuffed bunny was slumped on her back, its button eyes staring blindly up at the sky.

“Hello, Miss Pie,” Tom said, smiling in spite of the way his nerves twanged at the sight of the hyperactive party mare. He’d lost a good chunk of his hero worship of the Element Bearers after the “Welcome to Ponyville” party she’d thrown for them, but Pinkie still put him on edge. Maybe it was the way she never seemed to breathe while talking, or the way she jittered and moved constantly. He doubted Pinkie could stay perfectly still even if she tried.

“So, whatcha doin’?” Pinkie asked, looking up at him with her innocent blue eyes.

“Just on my way to grab some lunch,” Tom replied.

“No other humans with you?” Pinkie asked. A shadow seemed to cross her face right then. “That’s kinda sad.”

Tom shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I wanted to try that cafe near the town hall… Cafe Kartie, I think? The rest of the guys wanted to try one of the food carts at the market.”

“You’re all on your own? Well, I’m not hungry, but I suppose Mister Hugglebunny and I could walk you there!”

Tom was about to answer when a voice came from the stuffed rabbit on Pinkie’s back.

“I’m sorry, Pinkie,” the rabbit said in a doleful voice, “but I didn’t quite catch that.”

“Nevermind!” Pinkie said over her shoulder. She grinned at the rabbit and patted it with a hoof before turning back to Tom. “He’s such a good bunny, but he gets confused sometimes.” She cocked her head and frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“Did…” Tom pointed a trembling finger at the thing on Pinkie’s back. “Did that stuffed rabbit just talk?!”

“Well, of course he did!” Pinkie said. She bucked her hindquarters, startling him and causing the rabbit to cartwheel lazily through the air, only to be caught in her forehooves. “My friend Sunflower gave him to me. He’s got a special tummy, see?”

She pointed a hoof at the overalls that the rabbit was wearing, the front of which had been cut out and replaced with something glassy. Tom stared at it for a moment before it clicked in his head.

“Oh, it’s a tablet!” He let out a nerve-ridden laugh. “Thank God, I was worried it was some sort of magical talking plush rabbit or something.”

“Oh, he’s plenty magic, alright!” Pinkie said with a grin as she hugged the stuffed rabbit in her forelegs. “He knows all sorts of things, and he can do math problems like nopony’s business!”

“I suppose,” Tom replied with an awkward smile.

Pinkie tossed the rabbit back into the air as she got back to her hooves, and it somehow landed perfectly on her back without sliding off.

“Anyway,” Pinkie said. “Want us to walk with you?”

“I guess?”

“Come on, then!” Pinkie said as she skipped away, humming a cheerful little tune.

Tom walked alongside the pink mare as she pranced through town, smiling and waving cheerfully at the ponies she passed and always getting a smile and wave in return. Tom briefly wondered what it would be like to be on such good terms with so many different people.

Probably a lot more work than it’s worth, he decided.

Tom lapsed into silence as they walked, the strange plush rabbit weaving drunkenly from side-to-side on Pinkie’s back with every step she took. Just like that, the weird feeling came back to him, the omnipresent realization that, no matter how familiar some of it looked, he was still on an alien world.

“What’s with the heavy sigh?” Pinkie asked, a look of concern in her eyes.

“Sorry, it’s just… after all of this, I think I could use a vacation.”

“You don’t like it here?” Pinkie asked, pouting.

“Oh, no!” Tom said quickly, shaking his head. “No, it’s very nice here. The buildings are nice, and all the ponies are… uh… nice,” he finished with a wince.

Pinkie giggled.

“It’s just that…” Tom shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. It’s different from home, I guess. It’s not what I’m used to.”

“I suppose I can understand that,” Pinkie replied. “I visited an Earth town, and I watched a whole bunch of Earth movies that Sunflower gave me. It was almost like…” she trailed off for a moment, long enough for Tom to wonder if she simply forgot they were having a conversation, before she started up again. “It’s like, because it sometimes looks so close to what I think is normal, the stuff that isn’t normal stands out that much more.”

“Yeah…”

“And it makes you realize that your normal and my normal aren’t the same normals, so we get confused by all the different things that are normal on the other world that aren’t normal on our world, and that can make us stop and wonder, ‘just what is normal, anyway?’” She grinned up at him. “Or, at least it did. I stopped wondering that a while ago.”

“Uh…” Tom replied, not knowing what else to say.

“And this is the place, isn’t it?”

Tom glanced around, surprised to find that they’d covered the distance to the cafe already. “Yup.”

“Okay! Well, I hope you enjoy your lunch, and I’ll see you later!”

“Okay, bye” he said, but Pinkie was already trotting off in a different direction. He stared after her for a long moment. “Weird mare…” he said.

With a shrug, Tom started walking towards the cafe’s front door, his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the ground. After a little while, he started whistling a catchy little tune.

~~*~~

“Did you girls happen to walk past the movie theater on your way back to the hotel?” Michelle asked.

“Nope,” Tandy replied. She was sitting at the hotel room’s one tiny table, staring into a makeup mirror while clearing off the last of her foundation with a disposable wipe. She followed that up by tugging on one of her false eyelashes in order to remove it.

“No,” Erika said, huddled up on one of the beds. Her voice sounded dull and distant, as if she had something heavy on her mind.

Tandy spared the little mouse a look. She was sitting down on the mattress with a pensive frown on her face and her knees drawn up to her chest. Her dark blue bag, the same one she’d had out at Fluttershy’s, sat between her and the wall, the fingers of her left hand running lightly over the zipper. Tandy was just about to ask her what was in it when Michelle spoke up again.

“The marquee reads The Wizard of Oz. That can’t be right, can it?”

Tandy blinked at her, her left set of eyelashes still longer than the other. “What, like the actual Wizard of Oz? Dorothy and the scarecrow and everything?”

“I don’t know!” Michelle threw up her hands, exasperated. “The theater was closed, and there were no ponies around who knew. But it seems like too big of a coincidence for it to be a different movie!”

“Erin must have given it to them, somehow,” Erika said, chewing on her right thumbnail. It was a bad habit of hers, and the clicking sound of her teeth biting through fingernail drove Tandy right up the wall. The girl could have been passably cute if she tried, but her nails were always so ragged and disgusting.

“Makes sense,” Tandy said, finally getting her left set of false eyelashes off. She’d only packed disposable ones for this trip, so they joined the right set in the small trash bin next to the table.

“Well, I don’t like it,” Michelle muttered.

Tandy lowered the disposable pad she was going to use to remove her eye shadow and gave the other woman a curious look. “Why not?”

“Well… I mean, it’s an old movie, right? What if the ponies don’t like it, or think it’s stupid?” Michelle clasped her hands together and frowned fiercely at nothing. “I mean, it’s not like they have a whole lot to judge our species by, and that’s a pretty silly movie. Aren’t there better ones we could show them to give a better impression?”

“Like what?” Tandy asked, turning back to her makeup mirror.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Michelle replied, sounding hopeless. “Something uplifting, something that shows us in our best light.”

“So, something with no conflict at all?” Tandy asked, not bothering to temper the sardonic tone in her voice as she cleared off her eyeshadow. “Some boring piece of propaganda?”

“That’s not at all what I said,” Michelle snapped. “Why do you always put words in my mouth?”

Tandy grunted. “Sorry,” she said, trying to sound as sincere as possible. It had been four days already with the three women sharing one room, and there were still three days left. Far too long to deal with Michele if she got into one of her snits. “It was kind of a rough day,” she said, casting a significant glance at Erika, who was still chewing on her fingernails and staring off into space.

Michelle caught her look, looking briefly at the younger woman on the bed. “Oh, I see.”

Tandy started pulling off her wig, which had a comb in the front and back that was designed to go into her natural hair to keep it in place. “I don’t know what’s up with her, but she’s been a space-case ever since we went to Fluttershy’s cottage.”

“What’s that about Fluttershy?” Erika asked, coming up out of whatever daydream she’d been lost in. Her left hand clenched the straps on the bag she’d been absentmindedly stroking earlier.

Something is definitely up with that bag, Tandy thought as she put her blue-on-blue wig on its stand. She took a moment to scratch furiously at her scalp before pulling a brush out of her bag.

“Wasn’t talking about Fluttershy,” Tandy said, glancing at her out of the corner of her eye while taking the brush to the wig. “I just mentioned that you’ve been out of it since we talked to her earlier.”

“Oh,” Erika said, her voice tight as she tensed up.

“Okay, that’s it,” Tandy said. She put the brush down and stood up. “What’s in the bag?”

The little mouse looked up at her with wide, scared eyes. “What?” she squeaked.

“The bag. The one you’ve been treating like a national treasure most of the day. That one right there,” Tandy said, pointing at it.

“N-nothing,” came the expected and obvious lie.

It wasn’t a large room. Tandy only needed two steps to reach Erika’s bed. “Come on, hand it over.”

“No!” Erika yelped, clutching the bag to her chest.

“Why not? You got something in there that will get you in trouble?”

This time, Erika’s “No!” was indignant rather than panicked.

“You didn’t steal something from her, did you?” Michelle asked, hands on her hips, every inch of her radiating a disapproving matronly aura.

Erika gaped at Michelle. “No, of course not!”

“Look, either you show us what’s in there, or I go get Jerry,” Tandy said. It was a bluff, of course. There was no way she’d be heading out of this room, wigless and sans makeup, for anything short of a bathroom trip or an emergency.

Erika, bag clutched white-knuckled to her chest, looked desperately between the pair of them. Finally she sighed as her shoulders slumped. “Fine. But you have to promise to keep it a secret.”

Tandy exchanged a glance with Michelle, who was frowning. “If you stole something—” she started.

“I didn’t steal anything!” Erika muttered. “Fluttershy gave these to me! You can even ask her, if you don’t believe me.”

“Fine,” Tandy said with a roll of her eyes. “Enough with the mystery, already. Just show us what’s in there.”

Erika sighed again as she unzipped her bag. She reached inside and pulled out several glossy magazines.

“Uh. Fashion magazines?” Michelle asked reaching for them. She scowled as Erika jerked them out of her reach.

“Pony fashion magazines,” Erika clarified.

“Is that Fluttershy on the cover of that one?” Tandy asked, pointing.

Erika winced. “Yeah. When we were talking, she mentioned she used to be a model—”

Tandy burst out laughing. “What? Little Miss Run-from-the-camera was a model?”

“I think it’s a big part of why she runs from the camera,” Erika replied with a thunderous scowl. “It wasn’t a pleasant experience for her.”

“Uh, do you know how much that’s worth?” Michelle asked, her hand twitching towards the magazine.

“Of course I do,” Erika said, hastily putting the magazines back in the bag.

“I wanted to look at those!” Michelle whined.

“No. I didn’t even want you to know I had them,” Erika reminded her.

“There are magazines and news channels offering millions for decent pictures of Fluttershy,” Tandy said, feeling faint. It had been drummed into their heads since day one that they weren’t allowed to take pictures of the ponies without their permission. Especially Fluttershy, considering the harm it could do to human/pony relations if it was discovered that a camera-happy human was harassing one of Equestria’s national heroes. “For so many pictures that good, we’re talking an early retirement for all three of us.”

“Don’t get any funny ideas,” Erika said, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

“Why did Fluttershy give those to you?” Tandy asked. “Did she know how much they’d be worth on Earth?”

Erika grimaced. “I might have mentioned it. I wished I hadn’t. She told me she wants me to sell them.”

“So, why?” Tandy asked, honestly confused. “If she hates being in the spotlight so much, why ask you to do that?”

“And, are you going to share the money?” Michelle asked. It was all Tandy could do to not roll her eyes at the woman’s obvious greed.

“She wants me to give the money to animal shelters,” Erika replied sullenly, hugging the bag to her chest. “She said she wants to do good, to help out.” She straightened a little and added proudly, “She trusts me to do it for her.”

So long, early retirement, Tandy thought ruefully. “So, that’s why you’ve been out of it all day?”

Erika shook her head. “I’ve been out of it all day because I’m not sure if I should do it or not.”

“She asked you to, though,” Michelle said, eyes glued to the bag. “If you don’t want to, I can!”

Erika’s answering sneer showed what she thought of that idea. “I’m not sure I want to cause a media frenzy with Fluttershy at the center of it. She’s a really nice person. And she’s my friend.”

Tandy nodded. “Makes sense that you’d be conflicted, I guess. I’d say go for it, though. The kind of money that’s being offered, someone is going to get a picture of her eventually. If it’s going to happen anyway, it may as well be on her terms.”

Erika gnawed on her thumb again for a few seconds while she considered that. “Yeah. Okay. I guess you’re right. And, that way, I can make sure that the money goes where she wants it.”

“So, now that it’s all settled, can I see the magazines?” Michelle asked.

“No.”

“Aw, come on! I promise I’ll be careful with them!”

“No!”

Tandy sighed and returned to the room’s single small table to finish prepping her wig for storage. The other two women kept squabbling the whole while, with Michelle getting more and more whiny as the minutes stretched on. It eventually got to the point where she was ready to snap at the two of them to shut up when she heard a rattling noise.

“Uh, did you two hear that?” she asked.

“Hear what?” Michelle asked.

The rattling noise repeated itself. “That,” Tandy said, pointing at the window. With the shade drawn, there was no way of seeing what was outside.

Michelle frowned at the window. “You think it’s the wind?”

“I don’t think so,” Tandy replied as the rattling happened again.

She marched over to the window, grabbed the cord and gave it a quick yank. The shade went up, revealing the startled face of a very young pony with an orange coat and a purple mane. Tandy vaguely remembered seeing this particular filly a day or two ago.

“What the…”

The filly quickly lifted a very old-fashioned camera and pressed a hoof on the button. A loud “pop” sounded, and a blinding flash went off right in Tandy’s face. She reeled back with a shout, trying in vain to blink away the bright spots.

“I got a picture of one!” she heard the filly yell.

“Our cover’s blown!” another voice shouted back from ground level. “Get out of there, Scoots!”

One particularly horrifying thought hit Tandy like a freight train. That little filly had a picture of her, without makeup and with her natural hair still pinned down unflatteringly close to her scalp. She lunged for the window, throwing it open, which caused the filly to yelp in shock.

“Give me that camera!” Tandy shouted as she made a grab for it.

The filly yelped and leapt backwards off of the ladder that was propped up against the exterior wall of the inn. Tandy made a desperate grab for her and missed, but her terror at the filly’s inevitable fall turned to confusion and then understanding as a set of tiny wings on her back started buzzing. Rather than plummeting to her doom, the filly drifted towards the earth like thistledown, where two other fillies were attempting to hold the bottom of the ladder still.

Tandy leaned out of the window and stared down at the three fillies, who looked back up at her with wide eyes. The little orange pegasus lifted the camera and, with a loud “pop!”, took another picture.

“You little brats!” Tandy roared, shaking her fist at them. “You’d better hand over that camera!”

“Leg it!” the earth pony filly hollered.

The three fillies scampered off into the late-evening gloom. Tandy growled and strode to the door of the little room. She nabbed a big, floppy hat off of a hook by the door and jammed it down over her head, to at least try and guard her dignity once outside. As she flung open the door in order to pursue the troublemaking trio, she heard a smug Erika talking to Michelle.

“See? Not everyone wants to have their pictures ogled at by aliens.”

Humans in Ponyville, Chapter 6

Jerry wasn’t sure he could ever get used to morning in Equestria. It started out normally enough, with the sky to the east gradually brightening and the color slowly returning to the background as the shadows faded away. But there was a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment where, just before it crested, the sun suddenly seemed to pick up speed, almost as if someone gave it a good shove from behind in order to get the day going a little faster.

Back on Earth, most people treated the idea of the Equestrian princesses controlling their sun and moon as if it were an obvious fiction, a fantasy deliberately instilled in the populace, most likely by the Princesses themselves, in order to create a sense of awe and loyalty towards the throne.

As Jerry walked through the largely empty early-morning streets of Ponyville while the sun sped its way up over the horizon, he found himself doubting that conclusion.

It messed with his head. Fortunately, there was a treatment for that: Coffee, and lots of it.

The night before had been fairly… well, ‘interesting’ was a word that could be used, though Jerry thought it was something of an understatement. It had been such a normal day, at least as far as ‘normal’ could be when working in a village full of sapient ponies. The solar panel team had barely a half day of work remaining before their project was completed. The wiring in Erin’s house was largely done, pending a final check and approval by Sparky, Ponyville’s assigned electrician.

With the last of the Wi-Fi access points scheduled to be completed that day and Cody nearly finished with the configuration of the Wi-Fi equipment, it looked like they would be completely wrapped up by the end of the day on Saturday, a full day before their deadline. Jerry, in spite of being pestered most of Thursday afternoon by an inquisitive filly and a tagalong unicorn trainee, had been more than pleased by the progress both teams had made, and had settled down for a little light reading before bed.

His book, an old Louis L’Amour Western, had been interrupted when an uncharacteristically disheveled Tandy had run through the hallways and out of the building shouting something about “paparazzi ponies” and “tiny menaces”. Roughly a half-hour after that, Erika and Michelle had gotten into a screaming match and physical scuffle over a bag, which would have been shocking enough on its own—he couldn’t remember ever hearing Erika raise her voice, let alone get into an actual wrestling match with anyone—but the contents of the bag, and the potential millions that it was worth, was a whole ‘nother mess on its own.

It was with a smug sense of satisfaction that Jerry had realized that he could pass along that particular looming disaster once they returned home. The Department of Equestrian Affairs could handle what to do with those magazines with their pictures of the elusive Fluttershy, which were currently locked securely in Jerry’s luggage.

The cherry on top of everything was when Tony had stumbled back into the shared room just before midnight, smelling of alcohol and slurring his speech. Jerry wasn’t sure if he had found a bar in Ponyville, or if he had somehow smuggled in his own drinks, but it was something to be concerned about. Tony’s record for bad decisions while drinking were legendary. Three years ago, after Jerry had bailed him out of jail in Costa Rica, he had been a hair’s-breadth away from dropping Tony from the team. Tony had gotten two things from that night: A warning that his next screw-up would be his last, and an embarrassingly-placed tattoo of a dachshund.

The sun had returned to a more sensible pace by the time he reached Sugarcube Corner. It had taken him until his second day in Ponyville to learn that the bakery was open well before dawn, the smell of freshly-baking bread and pastries drawing him in from halfway across town. He pulled the door open and walked inside, the bell above the door jingling away to announce his presence.

Jerry waited patiently for a minute, and eventually a yellow stallion poked his orange-maned head out from the kitchen area.

“Oh, good morning, Jerry!” The stallion stepped up behind the counter wearing his now-familiar flour-crusted apron. “Your usual, again?”

“You got it, Mister Cake,” Jerry replied, then had to smother a yawn behind his hand. “Largest you’ve got.”

Mr. Cake nodded sympathetically as he turned towards the pot. “Sure thing. Long night?”

“You could say that again,” Jerry said, watching with intense interest as the pony not only managed to pull out a large ceramic cup with nothing but hooves, but also poured the coffee by taking the pot’s handle in his teeth. Even after watching the same routine over the last few days, Jerry wasn’t completely sure how the stallion managed it.

Carrot Cake put the cup down, and Jerry passed over a few bits. “Milk and sugar are on the counter, as usual,” he said with a bright smile that seemed a little out of place so early in the morning.

“Thanks kindly, Mister Cake.”

Carrot gave him a nod and a wave before heading into the kitchen once again. Jerry doctored his coffee to his own taste and took a sip. Ponyville coffee tasted strange, at least compared to what he was used to. Granted, what he usually got was gas station coffee, which typically ranged from bad to terrible. But there was something in this coffee was rich and complex, with an aftertaste almost like cinnamon. It was an interesting flavor, for certain.

He took a seat at one of Sugarcube Corner’s tables and consulted his tablet, pulling up his to-do list while taking a cautious sip of his scaldingly-hot coffee. He made some adjustments to the timetable for the project to account for each team’s current status and gave a satisfied nod at the results. If things kept up like this, they would have a good chunk of Saturday and the early morning of Sunday to just hang around and see the sights.

Except for last night, everything was going much more smoothly than he’d expected. Jerry took another sip of his coffee, not feeling particularly comforted by that fact. In his experience, it was when things were going smoothly that it was time to hunker down and wait for things to start blowing up.

~~*~~

Rob Murphy was having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he was bored. Completely and inexplicably bored. Here he was, on another world and surrounded by these strange little pony-like creatures, and he felt a growing restlessness for something exciting to happen.

The little pastel town had seemed almost ridiculously nice when he’d first arrived with the others, the natives curious but polite enough. But after almost a full week here, it was starting to wear on him. Nothing much happened here once the sun went down, and there was no internet to take the edge off. The remains of his mild hangover reminded him that the ponies at least had a bar, even if their booze lacked punch and they closed at a ridiculously early 11:00 at night.

His eyes flicked around as he walked down the dirt road of Ponyville, the rest of the solar team around him as they moved in a group, looking for lunch. With the last of the solar arrays in place, there wasn’t any reason for him to be here, and it was far too early to grab Tony and once again hit up Berry’s Best Bar and Grill.

Pony bars were the weirdest, most surreal thing he’d ever seen, and all the liquor tasted like fruit, but it had gotten him smashed enough. He wasn’t sure how the hell that earth pony stallion had beaten him at darts, but it was a mystery he wasn’t even going to try to solve while sober.

Maybe Jerry would let him skip town early. The gateway back to Earth was supposed to be opened up at midnight, tonight. He wouldn’t mind taking the train by himself, and Canterlot might at least have more interesting sights than Ponyville did.

“You think Jerry’s going to want us to help out the Wi-Fi team?” Lucas asked from his left side, breaking his concentration. “I mean, now that we’re done with the solar tile hookups.”

Rob rolled his eyes. Lucas was a good kid, but also hopelessly naive. He kept his mouth shut, though, leaving it to Tony to burst that particular balloon.

Just as he’d expected, Tony let out an irritated grunt and replied in that condescending way he had. “Don’t go looking for more work than you’ve been contracted for, kid. That’ll never work out for ya. Trust me on this one. Stick to your job and let everyone else do theirs.”

“I think Jerry mentioned that they have the installs done, now,” Tom replied from the other side of him. He was rubbing a hand across his sun-browned bald dome as he looked around the town. “That pony electrician… Sparky, I think?”

“Mister Sparks,” Lucas supplied.

“Yeah, him. He’s already got the WAPs wired up.” Tom shrugged. “The rest of it is all that fiddly stuff that I have no idea how to do.”

“Yeah, the ladies can handle the rest,” Rob replied.

“Don’t forget about Cody and Rob Two,” Lucas supplied. “They’re on the same team.”

“That’s what I meant by ‘ladies’,” Rob replied, grinning.

Tony burst out laughing, Rob joining in with that sniggering laugh of his a few seconds later. Lucas rolled his eyes and muttered something in Spanish while Tom frowned down at the dirt road beneath them.

“I’d still like to help,” Lucas said once the laughter died down.

“Go for it, then,” Rob said, rolling his shoulders in a lazy shrug. “I think we hauled enough ass, though, don’t you? We deserve a break.”

“Yeah, go see what sights this town’s got while you’ve got the chance, kid,” Tony added.

Lucas was chewing on his lip. “Yeah… yeah, I suppose I could go get my grandma something. I think she’d like a souvenir!”

Rob’s first instinct was to scoff at that. Tourists got souvenirs. He was a professional, here on business. He wasn’t here to pick up kitschy garbage from some shamble-down store. Before he shot down the idea, though, a thought popped up in his head.

They’d been forbidden from taking pictures of the ponies without their permission, though Rob had already taken quite a few of the town itself. Those pictures could be sold to news organizations for a good chunk of change. But what about actual stuff from Ponyville? Some cheap little piece of garbage from a shop could end up going for tens of thousands online!

“Yeah, sure,” Rob said. “Let’s go look for some mementoes.”

As it turned out, Ponyville actually had its own gift and souvenir shop. It was the traditional thatched-roof shop that was so common in this town, with a sign reading “Bric-à-brac’s Souvenir Shop” hanging over the door. The proprietor, a light orange unicorn mare with a red mane, was slumped on the counter when they entered, her eyes glazed over as she rested her head on one upturned hoof. When the four humans came traipsing in, she sat up in shock, her ears perking forward as her eyes widened.

“Humans! Oh, my goodness! This is so amazing!” She came around the counter, a grin lighting up her face. “Name’s Bric-à-brac, and I have to say, it sure is great to meet you all!”

Tony flashed his standard, cheesy grin “It’s a pleasure, ma’am. My name is Tony, and my friends are Rob, Lucas and Tom.”

Rob stuffed his hands into his pockets and grunted a greeting. The way Tony kept taking charge was kind of obnoxious, but at least it kept him from having to waste any time on idle chit-chat. He started wandering the aisles, looking for something that was cheap, but looked classy enough and “pony” enough that it would sell for a small fortune online.

Tom and Lucas were also browsing, with Lucas saying something-or-other about his grandmother. Probably about buying her a souvenir, or something. Tony, meanwhile, kept the shopkeeper busy with idle chit-chat. Rob was only listening with half an ear as he browsed various bits of kitsch, none of which looked particularly unique or special enough to consider bringing home.

Then he spotted the snow-globes. One contained the Ponyville town square in miniature, with the town hall right in the center. The next was a miniature representation of an alicorn, reared back and with her wings spread, no doubt one of the Princesses. The last one contained an incredibly detailed sculpture of Canterlot, as seen from a distance. The towers and spires of the city nearly brushed the top of the glass globe, perfectly capturing the magic and majesty of the royal capital.

They were perfect. Rob quickly gathered up all three of the ones on the shelf, holding them in the crook of his arm. His heart sped up as he considered whether this would be enough, or if he should get more. The globes were a little pricey, but nothing he couldn’t afford. If he spent much else, though, he wouldn’t have enough money to go out drinking again tonight.

After a few minutes of internal debate, he decided that a night of boredom was acceptable if it meant riches later on. He wandered the store, eventually ending up with a pack of postcards with pictures of Ponyville on them, which he could probably sell individually for huge profits. He added in a three-inch-tall pewter sculpture of the Ponyville Town Hall and a pennant that had a knockoff of the Equestrian Royal Seal on it, a stylized sun-and-moon circled by a black alicorn and a white alicorn in profile.

Tony had somehow managed to wind up with a bag of merchandise, even though he had never stopped talking to the shop owner. Tom and Lucas had their own little bags, with Lucas looking exceptionally pleased with himself. Rob walked up and put his many purchases down on the counter.

“Goodness!” Bric-à-brac exclaimed. She started ringing up the purchases on an old-fashioned looking manual register, the machine making loud click-ching! noises every time she hit a button. “I guess it’s true, humans really do love this stuff!”

“Uh, yeah,” Rob mumbled, pulling out the little pouch of bits he kept in his front pocket. As each item was totaled up, it was carefully wrapped by the unicorn and slipped into a cloth bag with the shop’s name emblazoned across the front of it.

“I have to say, this sure is a windfall for me! I may be able to make my rent this month." She chuckled, then hesitated as a thoughtful look crossed her face. "So, that, er… ‘whiffy’ thingie? Is that the right word? Whiffy?” the unicorn asked, cocking an ear forward and glancing at him even as her horn continued glowing and his purchases continued to be wrapped by her magic.

It took him a few seconds to figure out what she meant. “Uh, I think you mean ‘Wi-Fi’.”

“Yeah, that! So, that’s working in town, now, right?”

“Just about,” Tony replied. Rob glanced over to see him leaning back against the wall and rifling through his own bagful of souvenirs with a self-satisfied half-smile lurking under his greasy mustache. “And the connection between Ponyville and Canterlot should be up and running in the next few weeks, once the linemen—er, linesponies? Uh, once the new lines are finished running alongside the existing telegraph lines you ponies already have set up. I was told the Princesses wanted that to be a priority.”

“Oh, it’s so exciting!” Bric-à-brac giggled. She took a number of bits off of the pile that Rob had spilled onto the counter, leaving distressingly few of them behind. “That Erin girl, have you met her? She was telling me that, once we have this ‘innernet’ thingie, I can sell my stuff directly to humans on Earth!”

Rob, who had just pocketed his receipt and few remaining bits, looked up at her in surprise. “You’re going to sell your stuff directly? Like, on the internet?”

“Yes!” Bric-à-brac smiled brightly, both ears perked forward. “It was so nice of her to bring it up, it really helped me get a jump on the competition!”

“What do you mean?” Rob asked, feeling a slight sinking sensation in his stomach.

“Why, I already have all the correct paperwork filled out, and all the approvals in place. I’m going to be one of the first official vendors of pony goods on Earth! After all, you can’t sell Equestrian goods on Earth without that approval. It’s part of the First Contact Treaty!”

You don’t say?” Rob replied, his voice hollow.

“I’m afraid so,” Bric-à-brac said, her smile changing a little. It wasn’t as bright and cheery as it had been a moment ago. Now it was slightly knowing and just a touch sympathetic. “From what I gather, it’s currently illegal to resale Equestrian goods on Earth, and vice-versa. Seems a bit silly to me, but that’s politics for you!”

“Ah.” Rob was at a loss. He considered the receipt in his pocket and wondered vaguely about the store’s return policy.

“So, let’s say a human were to buy a bunch of items from town with the intent of selling them back on Earth for a huge profit, well, they’d probably get in trouble,” Bric-à-brac continued. She laughed lightly, adding, “Not that I think any of you would do that, of course! I just thought I’d mention it. Oh, and I should also mention that my return policy is up on the wall, here.”

She nodded her horn towards a large sign that Rob had somehow managed to miss. The sign read: “Return policy: If it’s defective, I’ll replace it within three moons of the purchase date. Otherwise, it’s yours to keep!”

Behind him, Rob heard Tony’s muttered curse. He glanced back to see both Tom and Tony looking at the sign with obvious distress. Lucas, on the other hand, just looked insufferably smug. Almost as if he wanted to get punched in the face.

Rob’s purchases floated up in their nice cloth bag, encased in the unicorn’s magic aura. He stared at it dumbly for a few seconds, not knowing how to feel. He surprised himself by breaking out in wry laughter. He wanted to be angry, he really did, but the situation was just too absurd for the anger to build any steam. Who knew that ponies could be so damned sneaky?

“Okay, okay. You got me, I guess.” He took the bag and shot the shopkeeper a grin. “How did you know?”

Bric-à-brac smiled and winked. “Mare’s intuition? Honestly, even though I make nearly everything here myself, it wouldn’t bother me much if you did resell it. I really do need the bits, after all! But I don’t want you to get in trouble, either.”

“Yeah, that’s great,” Tony said with a scowl. “And that return policy? You just going to keep our money like that?”

One of Bric-à-brac’s eyebrows arched as she looked back at the human that towered over her. “Excuse me? I didn’t force you to buy anything. You were the one who thought they’d stumbled onto a get-rich-quick scheme. Using my merchandise, no less!” She huffed and stomped her foreleg.

Tony inflated, his face turning red and his mustache bristling. Rob reached out and grabbed his arm, just above the elbow. “Let it go, man,” he said softly, giving the older man’s arm a squeeze that was just short of being painful. “The mare has a point.”

Besides, she’s got guts, he thought. Gotta admire that.

Tony shot Rob a glare and pulled his arm away before turning a sullen look on the shopkeeper. "I thought ponies were supposed to be nice," the older man groused.

"'Nice' doesn't have to mean 'doormat'," Bric-à-brac replied with a shrug, a gesture that looked really weird on a pony.

Tony grumbled something under his breath and started stomping towards the door. Rob couldn't catch all of it, but he did catch something about being "swindled by a fricken’ horse." He guessed that Bric-à-brac heard it, too, judging by the way her ears folded back for an instant.

“You have a wonderful day, now, sir!” Bric-à-brac called out with a cheery smile, causing Tony's back to stiffen as he reached the door to the shop. “Take in the sights around town while you have a chance! It’s really quite a lovely town and, unlike my little knick-knacks, the views are free!”

Tony turned around only to be greeted by Rob and Lucas breaking into uncontrollable laughter. Rob laughed even harder when he saw the struggle on Tony’s face. The old man always talked a big game, getting all chummy with people and carrying on like he was everyone’s best buddy, and right now he had to choose between defending his ego or protecting his image as everyone’s best friend.

The decision went the way Rob expected. Tony’s face lost its tension as he put on a crooked smile, and Rob knew that he was already re-writing the events in his head. In less than an hour, he’d be telling people a version of the story where he came out on top. By the end of the day, he’d probably even believe it was true.

“I’ll do that,” Tony called back to the mare, letting out a pained chuckle and giving her a wave.

The four men walked back out into the streets of Ponyville, Lucas still chuckling over Bric-à-brac's parting words, Tom looking a little sour, and Tony sullen and muttering to himself. As for Rob, himself, he was surprised to find that he was in a much better mood than he'd been in before, even though his get-rich-quick scheme had hit a snag. Besides, law or not, he could probably still find a way to sell this junk. If not, then at least he had his Christmas shopping done early.

If nothing else, he sure as heck didn't feel bored anymore.

Humans in Ponyville Chapter 7

The regret was already waiting for Tony as he began to wake, lurking in the hazy mists of his hangover like a particularly sadistic ambush predator. It was a nebulous sort of regret; the kind that produced a vague sense of unease, but which didn’t have any specific incident tied to it. At least, no incident yet, but it was hard to remember much with the way his skull was pounding.

He poked his dried-out tongue around his teeth, grimacing at the foul aftertaste of what had undoubtedly been an epic night of drinking as he tried to work some moisture back into his mouth. In the meanwhile, his aching brain was trying its best to complete an audit of his current circumstances, hampered considerably by the waves of nausea that kept crashing into him like a ship being rocked in a storm.

The first item of interest his brain managed to catalog was that he was in a bed. The second was that his stocking-clad feet were dangling off the edge, hanging out in the open air. The third was that he was extremely warm, and fourth, that most of that warmth seemed to be coming from a large, fuzzy pillow lying next to him.

He opened his grit-filled eyes and looked around, grateful that the shades were down. Confusion rolled over him as he realized that he wasn’t in his room at the hotel. In fact, he had no idea where he was. It was like Costa Rica all over again, except he didn’t think Ponyville had tattoo parlors.

Jerry’s gonna kill me…

It was during this stock-taking that something heavy shifted on the bed, bringing Tony’s thoughts crashing to a jangling halt. It had seemed to come from his side, somewhere near the fuzzy pillow. Confused, he poked the object, and the pillow grunted, rolled over onto its back, and smacked its lips. Tony stared in blank incomprehension at the pony, taking in its sandy brown coat and short, dark brown mane. Several facts were stampeding towards him at an alarming rate, and the only reason he wasn’t already panicking was due to the fact that his brain seemed to have entirely shut down for the moment.

Oh, God… was the only thought his aching brain was currently capable of producing. It latched onto that phrase, repeating Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! before summing it up with the realization that Jerry probably actually would kill him this time.

The pony he’d been in bed with chose that moment to open her bright blue eyes. She smiled up at him and said, in an entirely too-masculine voice, “Hey. Good morning. Feeling any better?”

Tony couldn’t stop his eyes from flicking downwards where, thanks to the fact that the pony was lying on its back, he could confirm that it was, in fact, very definitely a pony of the male variety.

“Hey, sweetie,” the stallion said, levering itself up into a sitting position and looking towards him. “Everything okay?”

Tony’s stammering attempt at a reply was cut off by a feminine voice from behind him.

“Just fine, hon,” the voice said.

Tony let out a startled grunt and immediately sat up, an action he immediately regretted as pain spiked through his skull and the room tilted and swayed around him. He regretted it even more a moment later when he realized that he was, with the exception of his socks, completely and totally naked. With a hoarse yell, he gathered the blanket up around him as best he could before looking at the other speaker.

In the bedroom’s doorway was a small, light blue pegasus mare with a yellow mane and amber eyes. She gave him a quizzical look before looking past him to the stallion he was sharing a bed with.

“You guys want breakfast?” the pegasus asked. “I’m no great cook, but I managed to make some haycakes that aren’t too badly burned.”

“Haycakes!” the stallion said, rolling out of bed. “Awesome! You’re the best, Sassaflash!”

The stallion trotted up to the mare and gave her a quick nuzzle, which she giggled and returned.

“How about you, Tony?” Sassaflash asked. “Hungry?”

Tony’s stomach did a slow roll at the thought of food. “Thanks, no,” he said slowly. “What the hell happened last night?”

The ponies exchanged a glance. “You don’t remember?” the stallion asked.

“I… I went out to get a few drinks…” Tony mumbled.

“That was a few?” Sassaflash said, eyes wide and disbelieving.

Tony ignored the mare’s incredulous tone. “I remember something about singing… And... a statue. Something about some bushes?” Oh, yeah. He’d had to take a leak. He shook his head and hurried on, hoping that he wasn’t in violation of some pony ordinance. “And I think there was some kind of game with peanuts? I don’t remember meeting you guys, though.”

“Oh. Well, I’m Caramel,” the stallion said, holding his hoof out. Tony shook it awkwardly. “This is my marefriend, Sassaflash.”

“Tony,” Tony replied awkwardly. “Uh. I guess you already knew that?”

“Yup!” Caramel grinned and nodded.

A silence descended, one that slowly became awkward as the ponies’ smiles slowly went from chipper to confused.

“You okay there, Tony?” Caramel asked.

“Why was I in bed with you?” Tony blurted out.

The two ponies shared a look that lasted until they both grinned at the same moment.

“Why do you think, sexy?” Caramel asked, waggling his eyebrows, his voice bright with suppressed laughter.

“Gah!”

“Oh, don’t tease the poor thing,” Sassaflash said. She sidled up to him and patted him on his blanket-covered leg. “You were having some trouble walking last night, and our house is closer to the bar than the hotel. We let you crash here.”

“Oh. Right. Thanks.” Tony looked around the bedroom with his bloodshot eyes. “Uh, where are my pants?”

“Washed ‘em,” Caramel said. “You had an…incident last night. They should be up on the line drying, right now.”

“Right. Uh.” Tony gathered the blanket around him and stood. “Bathroom?”

“Down the hall, first door on your right.”

Tony nodded and scurried down the hallway. The ponies shared a laugh, no doubt at his expense, as he closed the door behind him.

Damned pony bathroom fixtures, he thought as he looked around. As he’d come to expect, there was a long trough in place of the toilet. The sink was lower than he was used to, and everything was operated by floor pedals. The shower was far too low for a human to use comfortably. He’d be bent almost double trying to rinse off.

Tony ran the tap on the sink for a few seconds before vigorously washing his face, scrubbing himself dry with a towel hung up on a nearby rack. He looked at himself in a nearby mirror, taking in the puffy face, the wild hair, the pillow crease along one cheek, and the red-rimmed eyes.

I look like death, he thought sourly.

After draining his bladder and washing his hands, Tony took a moment to wet down his hair and try to smooth it into some semblance of order. While he was doing that, a knock came from the other side of the bathroom door.

“I’ve got your clothes for you,” Sassaflash said. “I’ll just leave them here by the door, okay?”

“Thanks,” Tony said. “Hey, wait. They’re dry already?”

“Yeah, they’ve been drying all night and out in the sun all morning.”

“All morning? What time is it?”

“Uh… Almost noon,” Sassaflash replied.

“Oh, God,” Tony said.

“What’s wrong now?”

“Nothing,” Tony replied, all while thinking, Yeah, Jerry’s definitely going to murder me. ”Thanks.”

“No problem!”

Sassaflash’s hoofsteps faded as she walked away. Tony cracked the door open, scooped his clothes in, and got into them as quickly as he could. His boxers were missing, so he had to go commando. He didn’t want to even think about where they might be and decided to write them off as a loss. He left the bathroom and walked down the hallway, hearing the conversation between the two ponies as he got closer to where he presumed the kitchen was.

“I thought humans were supposed to be hairless except for their heads,” Sassaflash was saying softly.

“Yeah. I guess that’s wrong,” Caramel replied as he spread jam onto a haycake. “Tony’s got those patches of wiry black hair all over his body. Not enough for a full coat, though. It’s kind of sparse. And his skin is pretty oily.”

“Ick,” Sassaflash said with a grimace. “That’s kind of gross.”

“Don’t worry,” Caramel assured her. “I’ll wash the sheets after he’s—” he cut off, ears swiveling backwards before he turned and offered up a huge, fake-looking smile. “Heeeey, Tony. Uh. How you doing?”

“I, uh… I gotta go,” Tony replied. “My shoes?”

“By the front door,” Sassaflash said, pointing a wing. “You don’t want to stay for breakfast?”

Tony’s stomach rolled again. “No. Thanks, but no. I gotta get going.”

“Alright,” Caramel said. “Let me show you to the door.”

The pair proceeded in awkward silence. Tony’s shoes had been discarded by the door, and he hurriedly slipped them on. Caramel watched silently the whole time.

“Uh. See ya,” Tony said, opening the door.

“Bye,” Caramel said with a little wave.

Tony fled into the bright sunlight of a cheery Ponyville day, his head pounding and his skin slick with sweat. A moment later, Caramel’s door closed with a click. He began walking, and quickly realized that he had no idea where he was. Not that it was a big deal. How big could Ponyville be, anyway?

~~*~~

Cody scowled, raising his hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he stared at the flickering yellow lights on the wireless access point. After a few seconds, the lights blinked in unison, flashed twice, then came back as solid green. Cody’s scowl morphed into a satisfied smile. He let out a grunt as he closed the weatherproofed casing back up.

This particular wireless access point, situated on the outside of a store called Filly Flowers, was one of a handful of devices that had been stubbornly refusing to connect. After trying to get them all back up remotely for most of the morning, Cody had finally given in and ventured out into the slightly unnerving land of multicolored pony-like creatures in order to power-cycle the blasted things.

He took out his tablet and smiled as the color on the mapping application changed from a baleful red to cheerful green.

“What are you doing?” a curious voice piped up at him.

Cody glanced down to see a little white-coated unicorn with a two-toned pink and purple mane looking up at him with wide green eyes.

“You mean with this,” he asked, holding up the tablet, “or the box on the wall?”

“Um.” The little pony glanced between the tablet and the WAP. “Um,” she repeated. “Both, I guess?”

“Do you know why we’re here?” he asked her. At her hesitant nod, he continued. “Well, this particular box wasn’t working right. I had to power cycle it in order to get it on the network.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Turning it off and back on again.”

“Oh. That works?”

Cody chuckled. “A surprising amount of the time, yeah. Turning it off and back on again has been part of the troubleshooting handbook for decades.”

He kneeled down to show the tablet to the pony, who approached it skittishly as if it were going to explode or something. Trying on his best smile, Cody pointed at the digital map of Ponyville that was displayed.

“See here? This shows how strong the signal is in all the different locations around Ponyville. Dark green means a good, strong signal, like right here. Light green is still good, but not as strong. Yellow is iffy, and red means no signal at all.”

He didn’t bother explaining that the map would be much more accurate on Earth, where he could synch his tablet up with GPS satellites for a more accurate placement. He didn’t relish the thought of spending the next hour explaining that to the small filly. He’d had to enter each installation site in manually in order for the app to work.

“Oh, I see.” Her little muzzle scrunched up. “I think. So, why is it all red around the edges of Ponyville?”

“The town is too big,” Cody said. “It would take a lot more than just the few of us a lot longer than a week to get the whole town wired up.”

The pony cocked her head at him. “Wired? I thought this was all wireless.”

He chuckled. She reminded him almost of a little dog with her head tilted like that. He quickly quashed the impulse to scratch her between the ears. “Oh, it is. ‘Wiring up’ is just an old term for getting a network set up.”

Of course, if he’d had his way, the town would be actually wired up. Fiber—or, at least copper—running between all the access points running back to a central hub. Which definitely would be in a more appropriate location than Erin Olsen’s spare linen closet.

“Oh, I get it,” she said. “So, does that mean everything is working now?”

“Just about. See these yellow and red blotches on the map here, here and here?” he asked, pointing to each in turn. “Those should all be green, so I have to go figure out why they’re not and go fix them.”

The little pony had her muzzle nearly pressed to the tablet’s glass. “That’s… Sugarcube Corner, Barnyard Bargains and… I think the movie theater?”

“Yup, that’s right.” Cody straightened up, frowning a little when the pony skittered back from him. He hadn’t meant to startle her. “I have to go see why those access points aren’t working right.”

“Can I come with you?” she asked, eyes sparkling as her ears jutted forward.

“Uh. Well, it’s not like it’s all that exciting,” he said. It wasn’t that he minded the company, and she was beyond adorable. His seven-year-old daughter, who had been absolutely obsessed with the ponies since she’d seen the first pictures on the internet, would have traded her left arm to be anywhere near this filly. “You’ll probably be bored out of your mind,” he warned her.

“No, I won’t!” she promised. “And I won’t get in your way, either. And I promise I won’t try to help.”

He puzzled over that last one for a moment before shaking his head. “You what?”

The pony wilted, ears drooping as she scuffed at the ground with a hoof. “I only mess things up when I try to help.”

“Erk,” was the only thing Cody could say in response to such a perfect picture of pony misery. Every instinct was telling him to gather her up into a hug, but he could only imagine how the ponies would react. If he had to guess, it would be much the same as if he’d tried the same thing with a random human child back on Earth.

He cleared his throat. “Well, I’m sure it’s not as bad as all that. Tell you what, I’d be happy for your help.”

She looked downright doubtful about that. “You sure? But what if I mess up again?”

Cody shrugged. “I trust you,” he said. “If you’re careful, and if you promise to do exactly what I tell you and no more, then it’s my fault if anything goes wrong.”

“You mean it? I can help you?”

“I’d love your help little filly,” he said. “By the way, my name is Cody.”

“Sweetie Belle,” she replied, holding out her hoof.

Cody chuckled and lowered himself back down to one knee, reaching out to bump the filly’s hoof with his fist. “Nice to meet you, Sweetie Belle. Now, let’s go fix some wireless access points!”

“Yes!” Sweetie Belle cheered, the force of her exclamation seeming to lift all four hooves off the ground in a little hop. “Cutie Mark Crusader wireless access pointer, yay!”

His grin froze in confusion. “Huh?”

~~~

As it turned out, Sweetie Belle wasn’t a bad little helper. Cody had no intention of letting her touch anything delicate, but she nearly glowed when he asked her to hold the weather-proofed casing for the various access points. She even tried holding the first one in her magic, her little horn sparking with a flickering green glow before she gave an embarrassed shrug, ending up instead holding it in her forehooves while sitting on her haunches.

The whole while, she peppered him with questions, which he was more than happy to answer, even though she didn’t seem to understand most of what he said. There wasn’t a whole lot of thinking to do with this particular task, mostly just opening the case, resetting the equipment and waiting, so a little bit of distracting conversation was actually pretty nice.

“They don’t really think,” Cody was saying in response to Sweetie’s last question. The two of them were at the last troublesome access point, which was on the side of Ponyville’s single-screen movie theater. “They process information, very quickly, but they only follow instructions. Computer programs have been getting a lot more capable recently, but we still haven’t crossed the border from ‘smart’ to ‘self-aware’.”

“What’s the difference?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Well, let’s take you, for example,” Cody said, watching as the lights on the WAP blinked yellow. “You can learn things all on your own. You can decide to do things, other than what you’re told to do. A computer can’t do that. It can only do what it’s programmed to do.”

“Oh…” The filly frowned down at the cover in her hooves. “That makes me kind of sad. For the computers, I mean.”

“Well, it’s not like they suffer or anything,” Cody said, nodding in satisfaction as the lights came back up green. “It came back up just fine. Here, let me have that.”

He held out his hand towards Sweetie, who obediently passed over the cover.

“Computers aren’t self-aware. In other words, they don’t have personalities, or feelings to hurt,” he continued as he snapped the cover back into place. “They can’t get bored or upset. They don’t suffer, because they can’t feel anything.”

“Okay,” Sweetie said, sounding a little unconvinced. “I saw my sister’s tablet, though, and it talked to her and understood what she said.”

“Yeah. I admit, that can seem pretty strange. But it’s still just a computer program. It’s not even aware of itself as an individual.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “I get it, I guess.”

“Also, computers can’t do abstract thought,” Cody said, making a few notes on his tablet.

“What’s that?”

“Thinking about things that you don’t have input on. Like daydreaming, or thinking about thinking.”

Sweetie’s face screwed up, confused. “Thinking about thinking? I’m not sure I know how to do that, either.”

“Are you thinking about how you’re not sure if you know how to think about thinking?” Cody asked, grinning at the little filly as the confused look on her face intensified.

“Uh, I guess?” Sweetie ventured.

“Congratulations, you’re doing abstract thought!” Cody pulled up the heat map once again, grinning as the color changed to green. “Looks like we’re good. All I have to do now is one last check and go through the logs.”

“Can I help with that?”

He chuckled at the idea of Sweetie Belle trying to decipher the log files. He didn’t want to disappoint her by saying no, but fortunately, he had an out. “I wasn’t going to do that now. As long as I was out, I was going to take a break for lunch.”

“Oh…”

Cody smiled down at her. It still hit him, from time to time, how weird it was to essentially be talking to small, alien equines. But her expressions—currently downcast disappointment—and her constant barrage of questions reminded him so much of his own daughter that it was easy to forget that they weren’t human.

“You were a great help, Sweetie Belle,” Cody said as he started walking.

Sweetie, trotting alongside him, looked up with a disbelieving smile. “Really?” she squeaked.

“Yeah, really.”

“But all I did was hold stuff.”

“Yeah, but that did help. Also, it was fun talking to you. It made things go a lot faster.”

“Oh. Well, thanks! It was fun talking to you, too!”

They rounded the front of the theater, and once again Cody had to shake his head at the marquee. Wizard of Oz. Someone was taking advantage of the fact that the film had just been released into the public domain, and he was pretty sure he knew who that was.

“So, you planning on seeing that movie?” he asked, jerking his thumb towards the marquee.

“I think so,” Sweetie said. “It depends on if my parents let me. Or my sister takes me.” She scowled and kicked at the dirt. “I’m not supposed to see movies unless my parents or sister says it’s okay.”

“Yeah, parents can be funny with rules like that. If it helps, you can tell them that I let my own daughter watch it. She’s only seven, and she loves it.”

“I’ll tell them.” Sweetie smiled up at him. “Anyway, I think it would be fun to see a human movie. We’ve only seen human documentaries at school. Though, they were kind of neat. And in color!”

“Hm. What ones did you see?”

“Ooh, there was one about volcanoes, and one about dinosaurs, and a bunch about animals, and one about…” she trailed off, looking up at him with huge eyes. “Did humans really land on your moon?”

“Yeah. Pretty cool, huh?”

“It’s amazing! I wasn’t expecting it to be just rocks and dust, though.”

Cody chuckled. The moon landing had happened well before even his grandfather had been born, so it was hard for him to get too excited. It was kind of refreshing hearing the amazement in Sweetie’s voice. She really had made the day much more pleasant. On a whim, he switched directions, heading towards the large, pink gingerbread house of Sugarcube Corner.

“You know,” he said as they approached the bakery, “you’ve been a really good assistant today. I was thinking I should give you a reward.”

“Really?” Sweetie asked, her voice breaking again.

“Yeah. You think your parents would be mad if I bought you a treat here?”

Sweetie looked up at the door of Sugarcube Corner while chewing on her lip. “Probably,” she admitted.

“Want one anyway?” Cody asked.

Sweetie’s grin was all the answer he needed. With a smile, he opened the door for her.

~~*~~

“How the heck did I get myself into this?” Tandy wondered out loud.

“Because you were bragging about how fast you were,” Rainbow Dash replied. “You make a claim like that around me, you gotta back that up.”

The two of them were currently in one of Ponyville’s parks. Dark green grass tickled at Tandy’s ankles, and she briefly amused herself by wondering if ponies kept the grass short by grazing on it.

“I said I was the fastest human on my college’s women’s track team.” Tandy let out a snort while leaning forward over her outstretched left leg. “I didn’t say I wanted to race.”

“You’re not backing out, are you?” Dash asked. She was also stretching, extending one leg at a time. “I really just wanted to see how fast humans could be.”

“Short, middle or long distance?” Tandy asked, now stretching out over her other leg.

“Uh. All three?”

“I really don’t feel like running a marathon.” Tandy replied, looking around. A small crowd of curious ponies, having heard the word “race”, had gathered around and were currently engaged in whispered conversations. Tandy was almost certain she saw the glint of bits changing hooves.

Great, they’re taking bets, she thought with a roll of her eyes.

“Why not?” Dash asked, then added, “What’s a marathon?”

“A really long race. About twenty-six miles.”

“Whoah, really? Not many ponies run that far in one shot. Not even earth ponies.”

She sounded impressed, which brought a grin to Tandy’s face. “Well, it’s not like we’re all-out sprinting that whole time. It takes hours. My record is two hours and twenty minutes at Boston, but that was when I was twenty and thought I might be going to the Olympics. I’m not in that good of shape, anymore.”

“I bet I can do it faster,” Rainbow stated.

“I’m sure you can. But I don’t want to run that long right now.”

A sour look crossed the pegasus’ face. “But you can still run if it’s a short race, right?”

“Oh, yeah. I still keep in pretty good shape. I’m just not as crazy about it as I used to be.”

She stood up, adjusting her red running shorts until they were comfortable. She felt nicely limber and ready to run.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you something…” Rainbow said.

“Yeah?”

“Didn’t your hair look different yesterday?”

“Heh.” Tandy ran a hand over the top of the baseball cap she was wearing. No wig today, not if she was running around and getting sweaty. “I wear wigs, usually.”

“Uh.” Rainbow tilted her head quizzically and stared at her. “Why?”

Tandy shrugged. “Why not? I like looking different every day. Most people just change clothes, but changing wigs doesn’t take that much time, and I always have a fresh look.”

Dash snorted. “I think you’d get along with Rarity. Anyway, you ready?”

“I guess,” Tandy replied with a shrug. “So, what’s the finish line?”

“How about…” Dash looked off into the distance. “You see that tree?”

“The one by itself on that little hill?”

“Yeah. I thought we’d start with a short race, just to warm up. First one there wins.”

It was only about thirty yards away, up a very slight incline. As Tandy gauged the distance, she felt a little echoing spark of her old competitive spirit. It was a nice feeling, and one she’d dearly missed. “Yeah, got it.”

They roped a bystander pony into counting them down. Tandy crouched down into a starter’s position, head down. It had been years since she’d sprinted competitively, but the pose felt just as natural as ever. Tandy grinned. Win or lose, this was going to be fun.

“You running on all fours, or something?” Dash asked, giving her a weird look.

“Nope. This is just how I like to start running.” Tandy kicked the toes of her running shoes into the earth, trying to give herself as much purchase as possible while wishing she had starting blocks.

Rainbow shrugged and lined up. Her own starting position just had her standing almost normally, though with her head down and her front legs slightly bent.

“Ready!” said their starter-pony, a mare with a silver mane and a light blue coat. “Set!”

Tandy brought her knee up off the ground, her muscles coiled like a spring and ready to explode. She felt the grass under her palms, and the rich smell of the soil filled her nose on every inhale. It was a moment of suspended potential, just waiting for the word to release her.

“Go!” shouted the mare, and Tandy launched herself forward nearly as smoothly as she had in her college days.

A startled protest from Rainbow Dash sounded from behind her, but it barely registered. All of her focus was on the tree, which was getting steadily closer as her long legs flashed over the ground. The wind rushed over her skin as her hands, flat as blades, sliced through the air at her sides. She didn’t slow down until she was past the tree. Dash trotted up a few seconds later with a scowl on her muzzle.

“Okay, that was pretty fast,” the pegasus admitted. “I guess that starting pose of yours is worth something, even though it looks ridiculous.”

“It’s not ridiculous if I win,” Tandy pointed out with a grin.

Dash grimaced. “Fine! Want to try again?”

“Sure. Pick your target.”

Tandy waited for the rest of the pony crowd to trot up while Dash looked around the park.

“That slide over there,” the mare said, pointing a hoof at some nearby playground equipment.

Tandy judged it to be about one hundred and fifty yards away. Still within sprinting range, with the course running gently downhill. Time to see if the internet was right about bipeds versus quadrupeds in short races. “Fine by me.”

Once again, they got into their starting positions, and once again the silver-maned mare counted them down. There was no surprised shout from Rainbow Dash this time, only the furious pounding of her hooves as Tandy loped down the gentle hill towards the slide. She maintained a steady speed for most of the race, kicking it into high gear once the slide was only about twenty yards away and pushing for all she was worth.

It was a near thing, but Dash managed to pass her at the last second, zipping past the slide a split-second before Tandy managed the same. Her confident smirk back on her muzzle, she turned to Tandy and said, “Well, that was still pretty good, but it looks like I won.”

“Congratulations,” Tandy said, grinning back. She’d worked up a little bit of a sweat, now, and her muscles were nice and loose. “That satisfy your curiosity?”

“I want to try a long race,” Dash said.

“I said I didn’t want to do a marathon,” Tandy reminded her.

“Just a couple of miles,” Dash pleaded. “Come on, you’re not afraid, are you?”

“Afraid of what?” Tandy replied, rolling her eyes. “Afraid I might lose? I’d have to care, first.”

Rainbow looked at her with wide, purple eyes. “You… you don’t care about winning or losing?”

Tandy snorted and shook her head. “Nah. My competitive days are long over. You want a real long-distance race, you should try Emil Okar.”

Rainbow tilted her head quizzically. “Who’s that?”

“Just the last World and Olympic champion long-distance runner. He’d be better at showing you how fast humans can be over marathon distances.”

“Okay, what is ‘Olympic’?”

“The Olympics are a contest that happen every four years where the world’s best all compete.”

“Huh. Can’t be the best,” Rainbow said with a smirk. “They’ve never invited me.”

Rolling her eyes, Tandy shrugged. “Whatever. Anyway, I guess we’ll just have to call our races a tie.”

Dash’s head drew back sharply. “What? No! I won that race!”

“And I won the first one. So, we’re tied, one each.”

The pegasus blinked at her for a few seconds. “What. No! No way! Now you have to race me!”

It seemed like Dash was the type to take a tie as less than a victory. Tandy’s grin widened. “Nah. I think I’m done. It was fun, Dash, but I’m going to head back to the hotel now.”

“Oh, come on!” Dash lifted off the ground as Tandy started walking, flitting in circles around her head. “Please? One little race! Just through Whitetail woods! It’ll be fun! I won’t even try my hardest! Please?”

“Rainbow, no,” Tandy said, starting to get annoyed. “You want to do a race, but there’s no course set up. I’d have no idea where I was running to!”

“There is a course! It’s the one we use during the Running of the Leaves!”

“Yeah, and I’m not familiar with it,” Tandy said. “I’d have no idea where I was going.”

“That’s no problem as long as you don’t fall too far behind to see me.”

Tandy stopped, staring at the pegasus with narrowed eyes. “Oh, it is on, little pony.”

Dash pumped a forehoof in the air. “Yes!”

She might end up regretting it, but there was no way that Tandy was going to let Dash get away with that kind of cocky attitude. “Lead the way to the course, pony,” she said.

“You got it, human!” Dash said, flitting up higher in the air. “Keep up if you can!”

Rainbow shot off into the sky as if fired from a bow. Tandy groaned, wondering what she’d gotten herself into, then loped off after her.

~~*~~

Jerry sighed, bracing himself to do one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do in his life.

“I’m sorry, Pinkie Pie. But my answer is still no.”

Pinkie’s lower lip wobbled dangerously. “But whyyyyy?”

“We’re leaving on the noon train out of town tomorrow. There won’t be time for a big party.” There was no shift to the pleading look on Pinkie’s face, so he tried for a compromise. “Why can’t the party be tonight?”

Pinkie Pie pouted. “I can’t tonight. The Cakes need me to babysit for them. It has to be tomorrow! Are you sure you just can’t leave later?”

Jerry shook his head and continued packing up his suitcase. “Sorry, it’s the schedule we were given. Not to mention, if we don’t get back to Canterlot in time, we might miss the portal to Earth for this week. If we miss the portal, then we don’t get to go home.”

“Yeah…” Pinkie sat down and rubbed a hoof along her jaw, an expression of deep thought on her face. “And if your Farewell Party makes it so you can’t leave, that will be like one of those paradox things Twilight is always talking about.”

Jerry stopped packing for a moment, trying to absorb that logic. “If you say so, Pinkie,” he said eventually.

“Oh well,” Pinkie said, slumping and walking towards the door. “I guess I’ll just have to give up on the idea of having a Farewell Party for all of you.”

“Sorry, Pinkie,” Jerry said, for what felt like the hundredth time since Pinkie had shown up in his room. He stared at the door for a minute or so after she left, then went back to packing his things.

He was almost done when a wild-eyed Tony burst into the room, reeking of sweat and with his clothes horribly wrinkled. “This town is bigger than I thought!”

Jerry folded his arms across his chest and scowled. “Got an explanation for where you were last night?”

“It’s no big deal,” Tony said, suddenly very interested in a flaw in some of the wooden trim on the wall. “I just stayed with some friends last night.”

“Don’t tell me. You meet these friends at a bar?”

“Okay, yeah, I had a couple of drinks. Nothing too serious, I swear!”

“Right,” Jerry said. “By the way, a nice mare by the name of Sassaflash stopped by this morning.” It was an effort to keep the scowl on his face when Tony’s face morphed to one of pure terror. It helped that he was still more pissed off than he was amused. “She said she’d forgotten to get some of your clothes off of the clothesline.” He jerked his thumb towards Tony’s bed, where a pair of boxers were prominently displayed. “You want to explain to me how a pegasus mare managed to get a pair of your underwear?”

Tony stammered and stuttered for a minute before blurting out, “It ain’t what you think! I was coming home after the bar and I fell into a pond. That pony was nice enough to let me crash at her place while my clothes dried.”

Jerry nodded and lost the scowl. “All very reasonable.”

Tony sagged with relief. “Yeah. I mean, I would have called you if Ponyville had cell service, right? Let you know what was up. But you know me, man. I wouldn’t do anything to embarrass the team, right? I was on my best behavior, I swear it!”

“Right,” Jerry said, nodding. “Well, you’d better get showered. I can smell you from here, man.”

“Damn. Okay. I’ll go do that.”

Tony scampered off. Jerry shook his head and shoved the last few items he wouldn’t need tonight into his luggage. Sassaflash had stuck around for a few minutes after dropping off the boxers, which Jerry had been tempted to tell her to drop in the garbage. Or maybe to just burn them. He’d gotten a much clearer picture of what had happened last night than what Tony had told him, and the very last straw was the lies the other man had told him. If Tony had come clean, he might have gotten away with another written warning.

As it was, Tony would be looking for a new position after their return to Earth. The man was just too big a liability. The fact that they’d been coworkers for decades couldn’t be allowed to alter that decision. It didn’t mean that he was happy about it, though.

He glared at Tony’s bed, which still had the pair of boxers resting on top of it like a beacon of shame and regret.

“Screw it,” Jerry muttered. “I’m going for a walk.”

He left the room in a foul mood and almost collided with a sweat-soaked Tandy coming up the stairs.

“Oh, hey boss,” Tandy said with a weary grin. She wasn’t wearing her expected wig, instead opting for a baseball cap with the Windy City Thunderbolts logo across the front. Sweat was soaked into the band of the cap, and Tandy herself looked more than a little shaky.

“Okay. What the hell happened to you?”

“Got into a race with a pony and lost,” Tandy said, still grinning. “Made the little punk sweat for it, though.”

“A race?”

“Through a forest called Whitetail Woods. Beautiful place, I wouldn’t mind running it again.” She wiped a hand over her face. “But now I need a shower. Desperately.”

“You’ll have to wait. Tony’s in there now.”

Tandy grimaced. “Damn, really?” She shuddered. “Ugh. I hate using the shower after him. I always feel like I need to clean it first.” She perked up suddenly, her grin reappearing on her face as if by magic. “Oh! Maybe I can just go swimming. I won’t even need to worry about cleaning my swimsuit. Ponies don’t have anti-nudity laws, right?”

Jerry didn’t have a chance to respond to that before Tandy turned and shot back down the stairwell, waving a hand in farewell before she disappeared around the corner.

~~~

It was very close to a perfect day, which went a long way towards alleviating Jerry’s foul mood. The unrelenting cheerfulness of the ponies of Ponyville did the rest of the job. Every time he made eye contact, he was met with a smile and a nod, and cheery hellos followed him wherever he went.

That was a far cry from where they’d started nearly a week earlier. When the team had first arrived, the typical pony reaction had been wariness tempered with careful curiosity. Now, though, it seemed like the ponies in general accepted them all. There were a few exceptions, obviously—ponies who refused to make eye contact, who stopped and stared, or who retreated from any humans they saw. But Ponyville in general had become as open and inviting as any small town Jerry had ever visited. More so than most, if he were to be honest.

So, his mood had improved considerably by the time he reached the small park. The grasses in the park were a little longer than he was used to back home, and there were a startling number of statues—mainly of ponies in various poses, though there were a few that looked a lot more abstract. Little dirt footpaths wound their ways between the low, flower-covered hills and the occasional fountain, and ponies of all colors and descriptions were wandering around and chatting with one another.

It was, in fact, far too interesting of a place to not sit down and soak in a little bit of the atmosphere. He found a bench—wrought iron with wood slats—and lowered himself into it. It was a bit closer to the ground than he was used to, but it was comfortable enough, especially with his legs sprawled out in front of him.

Jerry closed his eyes and leaned back, breathing in the smell of green grass and flowers. His tension flooded away and he found himself nearly dozing after an unknown period of time. A rustling to his left roused him and he opened his eyes to see a tiny orange pegasus with a purple mane staring at him.

“Hey,” the pegasus filly said.

“Hay is for horses,” Jerry said, then winced. The response, honed through decades of being a dad and granddad, had popped out without any direct input from his brain.

The filly gave him a look that started out confused before changing to the realization that she might just be dealing with an idiot.

“Yes,” she said, drawing the word out. “Also for ponies. Anyway, can I ask you something?”

In for a penny, in for a pound, Jerry decided.

“You just did.”

The pegasus hesitated and then nodded, clearly decided that she was, in fact, dealing with an idiot. “Can I ask my question or not?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Do humans have sports?”

Jerry sat up and regarded her solemnly. “Sports,” he repeated, as if he’d never heard the word before.

“Yeah, you know… Hoofball, cloudball, races, archery… sports, you know?”

“Archery? How the heck does a pony…” Jerry stopped. That way madness lay. “Nevermind. Yeah, we have sports. All kinds, really.”

The filly perked up, her eyes sparkling. “What kind of sports?”

“Well, we don’t have hoofball, but we do have football. Two different kinds, in fact. No cloudball, but we have basketball. And races? Kid, if it involves movement, a human will figure out a way to make a race out of it.”

Tiny orange wings buzzed on the filly’s back. “Cool! Can you tell me about them?”

“What, races?”

“No! Human sports.”

“Which ones?”

“All of them!”

Jerry stared at her for a long moment before breaking into a low chuckle. It wasn’t exactly how he was planning on spending his afternoon, but he could think of worse ways.

“Alright,” he said. “Let’s start out with hockey, the most important sport of all.”

~~~

Chaos.

That was the best way to describe the events that preceded the humans arriving at the train station. Mixed up luggage, a lack of packing, desperate last-minute organization, the works. It didn’t help that Radio Wave, the pony technician who was supposedly going to be responsible for maintaining the gear that the humans had installed, had insisted on asking dozens of last-minute questions about the gear, as well.

If Jerry were to guess, it would actually be Erin Olsen who ended up doing the tech support for the town. Radio Wave seemed much more likely to break something while trying to fix it. Erin, at least, was familiar with human technology. Which is why he’d left a copy of basic troubleshooting steps for both Radio Wave and Erin.

They’d finally arrived at the station, just in time to board their train and pile into their reserved car. Shortly after that, there was a jerk, and Ponyville started dropping off behind them. Jerry slumped in his seat with a sigh. There had been issues, sure, but everything had worked out in the end.

If he were to be completely honest, the project had gone much smoother than he’d anticipated. The sour knot that had formed in his gut over the last few days was starting to unravel, his shoulders already felt lighter, and his good mood was starting to return. He’d worked himself into a tizzy, expecting something to go wrong at the last minute. Experience had told him that there would always be a last-minute—

“Surprise!” a pony shouted in his ear.

Jerry shouted and flinched away from Pinkie Pie, who was smiling far wider than physics or biology should have allowed. He stared at her, and he wasn’t the only one. All conversation had come to a halt, and every human in the car was staring at the pink apparition who, Jerry was certain, hadn’t been in the train car just a moment earlier.

“Where the heck did you come from?” he managed to ask once his pulse dropped back to near-normal.

Pinkie tilted her head. “Well, when a mommy and a daddy pony who own a rock farm love each other very much—”

“No, I mean... How did you get in here?”

“Through the door, silly!”

Jerry blinked at Pinkie. Pinkie smiled back. “Okay. So. What are you doing here?”

Pinkie’s grin, unbelievably enough, managed to get even bigger. “It’s time for your Farewell Party, of course!” She leaned closer and said in a stage-whisper that could be heard through the whole carriage, “I couldn’t let you leave without one. And this way, you won’t miss your train, because you’re already on it!”

He couldn’t argue with that logic. “Alright, Pinkie. You win.”

“Yay!” Pinkie cried out, and from somewhere, she pulled out a freaking cannon and set it off in the small confines of the train car, causing everyone to shriek and hunker down, and making Jerry wonder if this was how he was going to die before he became aware of the confetti.

There was a lot of confetti. Also streamers, perfectly set up all over the car. And a banner that read “Goodbye humans! We’ll miss you!”, which appeared to be covered in signatures. And a cake. A cake which was set up on a table that Jerry honestly couldn’t recall being there a moment earlier. Next to the cake was a nearly-overflowing punchbowl.

Jerry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Trying to figure out how Pinkie had managed it was sure to fracture his brain. It was better to just let it go and enjoy himself.

“Alright, everyone,” Jerry said as he stood up. “Let’s get this party started!”

Cheers from the team answered him.

It was, by far, the most unusual project-end celebration he’d ever attended. And, he reflected as he ate some of the delicious cake, he wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Except for finding the Cutie Mark Crusaders stowed away in their luggage, that is. He could have lived without that.

Author's Note

Many thanks to my editing team!
(listed in no particular order):
Merlos the Mad
Razalon the Lizardman
Ekevoo
Coandco
BrilliantPoint

Humans in Ponyville, bonus: Ponies watch the Wizard of Oz

With every pony that walked into the theater, Erika slouched further down in her seat, wishing that the lights would just dim already. The theater was almost half-full, far more than she found comfortable, and ponies were still streaming in and looking for seats.

Inviting Fluttershy to come and watch the first Ponyville showing of the Wizard of Oz had been a spur of the moment decision. She’d seen the movie over a dozen times already, but the thought of watching how the ponies would react had been enough for her curiosity to momentarily overwhelm her reluctance to be around crowds.

If Fluttershy hadn’t seemed so enthusiastic about coming along, Erika probably would have found an excuse to back out. Now she was stuck here, the only non-pony in a theater full of ponies.

Add to that the weird, not-very-comfortable seats, which were basically just a padded cushion for ponies to perch on with a rigid wooden back that had a large gap in the back for a tail to fit through. Erika would either have to recline against the uncomfortable back of the chair or be leaning forward for the entire duration of the film.

A quick glance to her right showed her that Fluttershy was currently hunched down in her seat, her tail curled around her and her head down so that her mane obscured her face. Seeing her pegasus friend’s own obvious nervousness helped to bring Erika out of her rapidly-developing foul mood.

“You okay?” Erika asked her in a whisper. “We can go, if you want.”

“Oh, no. I’ll be alright,” Fluttershy whispered back, unintentionally crushing her hope of leaving. “I really do want to see this. I’ve seen a few human movies, and they always were very interesting.”

Erika nodded. “Well, this one is old. Like, really old. A hundred years old, I think. So, it may be a little different than what you’ve seen before.”

“Is it scary at all?”

“Well…” Erika considered that question for a moment. The last time she’d seen it, the witch and the flying monkeys had seemed more cheesy than frightening. But it was hard to tell what a pony would be frightened of, especially when the pony in question was Fluttershy. “There were a couple of parts that scared me when I was really little. But… I don’t think you’ll be too scared. Just remember, it’s all fake.”

Fluttershy nodded and offered up a brave little smile that evaporated as a large, dirt-brown stallion took a seat next to her and began sorting through the truly impressive number of snacks that he’d brought in.

“I beg your pardon, darling,” said a cultured voice from the aisle. “Would you mind if I sat next to my friend, there?”

Leaning forward, Erika was surprised to see Rarity, another of the Element Bearers, in the aisle. The unicorn was smiling sweetly at the large brown stallion, who smiled awkwardly back. The stallion mumbled something, fumbled and almost dropped his popcorn, and moved out of his seat.

“There, now. That’s better, isn’t it dear?” Rarity said as she sat daintily in the theater seat. A small tub of popcorn was floating in the air in front of her, bathed in a light-blue glow.

Fluttershy nodded and mumbled out a greeting.

“Erin should be joining us shortly,” Rarity continued, offering the popcorn to Fluttershy, who mutely shook her head. “She’s so very excited! The first human movie to be shown in an Equestrian movie theater!”

“Erin is coming?” Erika asked. While it was great that Fluttershy looked a lot more calm now that she was seated between two friends, Erika couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy that her friend’s attention was going to be split between two more people.

Rarity leaned forward in her seat in order to see past Fluttershy and flashed a bright smile. “I’m sorry, dear. I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Rarity, fashionista extraordinaire!”

“Erika Miller. Er… Wi-Fi tech, just ordinaire. I’m a friend of Fluttershy’s.”

“Oh, yes! Fluttershy has mentioned you. It’s very nice to meet you, darling!”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Erika replied, wondering if Rarity was the type who overused endearments. Just for fun, she started a tally in her head. So far, Rarity was up to two “dears” and one “darling”.

Some conversation followed, though it was mostly Rarity talking grandly about how inspired she was by the fashions set in previous human films she’d seen, and how she was hoping she’d see something new and unique in this one. Erika said very little in reply, and Fluttershy even less, contenting herself with just the occasional murmured reply. Though, by the time Erin Olsen arrived and sat down next to Rarity, the number of “darlings” had passed the “dears” by a score of seven to six, with one “precious” bringing up the rear.

Erin was beaming around, ears swiveling on the top of her head, obviously pleased at the packed house. Erika rolled her eyes and looked away. You’d think she made the movie herself, she thought.

Erika’s anxiety went up a few more notches when a grey-coated mare sat down next to her, bumping her in the leg while climbing into the seat. The mare flashed an apologetic smile and mumbled an apology, which Erika waved off with a not-entirely-sincere smile of her own. She hunched down a little further in her seat, leaning away from the strange mare while also trying to avoid encroaching into Fluttershy’s personal space.

She’d just about managed to make herself as small as she possibly could when the lights dimmed. The ponies, much to Erika’s startled bemusement, started cheering, some even leaning forward in their seats to stomp their forehooves on the floor. They all quieted down as the MGM lion popped up on the screen in all its sepia-toned glory.

“So cute...” Fluttershy mumbled softly to herself, smiling up at the lion on the screen.

“I thought human films were in color?” a piping voice belonging to a young foal asked a couple rows behind them in a loud whisper. “I wanna see color films!”

“Shh, dear,” replied a mare’s voice.

The credits started up along with that familiar music. It lasted just long enough for the ponies to stop all their whispered conversations and settle down for the film. Instead of watching the movie, Erika started looking around in the darkness to try and gauge the ponies’ reactions. For the moment, they were all looking up with intense interest as Dorothy came running down the lane with her dog Toto. Interested and analytical murmurs started up at the first view of the Gale’s farm, with a few shocked gasps and muted conversations when a cow appeared on-screen.

Dorothy tried her best to relate the horrors of Miss Gulch, only to be scolded by her occupied aunt and uncle. Fluttershy made a little sound of distress when Auntie Em mentioned that they might end up losing some chicks due to a faulty incubator. Erika patted her gently on the shoulder and whispered, “Fake, remember?”

Fluttershy smiled back, and Erika very deliberately didn’t mention that those chicks had most likely grown up only to end up on someone’s dinner table.

Eventually, Dorothy wandered off to whine at the farmhands. Erika scowled, remembering that this was her least favorite part of the movie. Dorothy spent the whole time wandering around, griping and moaning in that whiny voice of hers to anyone who would listen. It was just so dull and annoying that, during her family’s annual viewing of the film when she was a girl, she’d always make an excuse to leave the room until it was over.

Apparently, she wasn’t the only one who thought so, because after a few minutes of pestering the farmhands with her worries, a male voice towards the back sounded out, “Leave ‘em alone! They got farm work to do!”

General chuckling started up, immediately countered by a wave of loud shushing. Erika glanced over to see Erin glaring over her shoulder in the general direction of the stallion who’d spoken up, a look of irritation and worry on her face.

Probably scared they won’t like it, Erika noted. Though, she’d never really noticed before that Dorothy really was disrupting the farmhands’ work. Auntie Em berated them for it at one point, which Erika considered unfair, since it was all Dorothy’s fault to begin with.

Shortly after that came the movie’s most famous song, Somewhere Over the Rainbow. For the most part, the audience quieted and listened raptly. The exception was a pair of pegasi a few rows back who were having a whispered conversation and tittering to each other.

It was during this song that the first appearance of an Earth horse made a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance, though only from the neck up as it stuck its head out of a stable door. Erika listened closely for any reaction, but none of the ponies seemed to notice it.

The song ended, and the ponies started to clomp their hooves in appreciation only to stop awkwardly a split-second later as Miss Gulch showed up, accompanied by her fast-paced and sinister leitmotif.

“She must be the villain,” the same foal from earlier said in yet another loud whisper. “You can tell ‘cause of the music.” His mother shushed him again.

What followed was the emotional and, at least to Erika, melodramatic confrontation where Miss Gulch took Toto away from Dorothy. The ponies booed as Miss Gulch rode off, only to start cheering a moment later when Toto made his escape from the nasty old lady’s basket.

The movie continued on its familiar course. Dorothy ran away only to immediately meet up with the conveniently close-by Professor Marvel, and of course she immediately went into the complete stranger’s rather questionable traveling wagon. Erika had to shake her head at that and marvel at what a different time it must have been. Dorothy probably would have cheerfully gotten into a van with “Free Candy” written on the side.

Professor Marvel shoveled his load of nonsense to get Dorothy to go back home, and the girl ran off just as the weather picked up. And then the old con man started talking to the horse that pulled his wagon, and this time the Equestrian crowd couldn’t help but notice the animal. The initial reaction was a shocked gasp followed by some confused and uncomfortable muttering amongst the ponies. That only lasted for a few seconds before it was drowned out by the sudden, terrified wailing of a very small pony—colt or filly, Erika couldn’t tell—who was quickly taken out of the theater by its mother. The whole while, the poor foal was crying and repeating “Big scary! Big scary!” over and over.

It was something Erika hadn’t considered, though it made sense that the Earth horse would look wholly alien to the Equestrians. She looked over to see Fluttershy, Rarity and Erin all looking towards the mother and her frightened child with sympathetic glances, though Erin’s also seemed to be riddled with guilt. Erika shrugged and went back to watching the film. Or, rather, watching the audience as they watched the film.

The scene switched back to the farm, where a twister was menacing the people and animals. There was another collective gasp from the audience as three horses were freed from the stable and galloped across the screen, though the reaction wasn’t as strong this time. And, fortunately, no further foals had to be escorted from the theater.

The tension in the theater was palpable as Dorothy tried in vain to get into the storm cellar before giving up and retreating into the house. Shortly after that, she was knocked unconscious when her windows blew in out of their frame. There was a gasp from the audience, broken when a pegasus, voice bright, stated “And that’s why you have to pay your weather team!”

That brought up another general chuckle from the audience, which fit in perfectly with the next minute or so as various nonsensical items and people went past the bedroom window, including a mooing cow and pair of men in a rowboat who tipped their hats to Dorothy. And then Miss Gulch showed up, causing the audience to promptly start booing her again, which intensified as she turned into the Wicked Witch.

And then the house landed with a thud and it was time for Dorothy to take her first step into the magical land of Oz.

Erika had been anticipating this moment, and the audience’s reaction didn’t disappoint. The sudden onset of color, so bright and oversaturated that it looked surreal, caused yet another collective gasp, accompanied by appreciative “ooh’s” and “ahh’s”, as if the ponies were watching a fireworks show. More appreciative murmurs from the crowd followed as the camera panned slowly around the Munchkin village.

There wasn’t much reaction that Erika could detect from the ponies during the next few minutes, all of them staring entranced at the screen as Dorothy walked around and Glinda the Good Witch bubbled her way to the earth. The pony reaction to the Munchkins themselves seemed to be mostly polite confusion.

That is, until the Munchkin’s pony-driven carriage came around, which prompted nervous laughter and more muttering, with an accompanying uneasy look around the theater from Erin.

The Munchkins marched around, singing about how happy they were that the witch was dead, prompting Fluttershy to lean over and whisper in Erika’s ear. “They’re very obsessed with death, aren’t they?”

Erika snickered and nodded.

Unfortunately, no “The Wicked Witch is Dead” party can last for long without being crashed by a different wicked witch. With an explosion of red smoke that sent the Munchkins fleeing, the Wicked Witch of the West popped up in all her green-skinned, cackling glory. After threatening everyone in sight, especially Dorothy for “stealing” her sister’s ruby slippers, she vanished in another plume of red smoke, this time accompanied by a jet of flame.

Thus it was that Dorothy, accompanied by yet another song, set off along the yellow brick road in order to find the Wizard. Erika glanced around to see the occasional head bobbing or hoof tapping along to the song. When Dorothy started her skipping dance down the road, a pony somewhere behind her muttered, “How can anything with two legs dance like that without tipping over?”

The movie just got weirder from then on. Erika, already wearingly familiar with the events on-screen, mostly tuned it out as she watched the ponies reacting.

The Scarecrow was a big hit with the ponies, who broke down laughing at his assertion that he didn’t have a brain, and his statement that “Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don’t they?”

They laughed even more after he was let down off of his pole and began stumbling around. Erika had to admit, the actor was pretty talented at dancing around while looking like a complete clutz. The pair of them went off to see the Wizard, dancing and singing the whole way.

The ponies seemed to be in even better cheer when the talking, evil apple trees attacked Dorothy and the Scarecrow, though another mother had to escort their obviously freaked-out foal out of the theater at this point.

“I wonder how Applejack would feel if her trees could talk?” Rarity whispered to Fluttershy, loudly enough for Erika to hear. Her pegasus friend giggled softly, bringing a hoof up to her muzzle to try and mute the noise.

They met up with the Tin Woodsman, applied some oil to his rusted-up joints and were treated to yet another song and dance routine. After briefly being threatened by the Wicked Witch—bringing more booing from the audience—the three of them made their way along the Yellow Brick Road. Once again, a song accompanied them along the way.

The gang made their way into a dark and scary forest, only to be menaced by the Lion, who proved to be quite cowardly after all when Dorothy slapped him in the face. The sudden transition from blustering bully to bawling crybaby caused still more laughter in the theater. Now a quartet plus one dog, the party went traipsing along. Accompanied, of course, by still more singing.

Erika suddenly realised that she didn’t much care for musicals.

The scene transitioned to the Wicked Witch, who cast her bizarre knockout spell. The Lion and Dorothy passed out in a field of poppies only to be “rescued” a moment later when the “Good Witch” made it snow out of season, no doubt causing massive amounts of radical climate change and endangering crops all over Oz. It was a scene that had always confused Erika. It was a short, pointless little tidbit that made the Wicked Witch seem incompetent rather than menacing.

When the gang finally made it to Oz, the color-changing horse drew still more murmured commentary from the audience of ponies.

“I wish I could change my coat color whenever I wanted to,” a mare behind Erika said.

More antics from the Wicked Witch followed, skywriting out her demands to Surrender Dorothy. And, through it all, the ponies were all fixated on the screen. Their attention remained riveted even when the Lion started up a painfully unnecessary song about being the king of the forest. Though, there was a funny part during the song where the Lion demanded to know “What makes the dawn come up like thunder?!” and a few ponies in the audience shouted back “Celestia!”, to the general amusement of the crowd.

Some more antics ensued, followed by the group finally standing in the room with the Wizard of Oz. Or, at least a giant floating head who proclaimed, “I am Oz, the Great and Powerful!”

For some reason, that brought about some loud, genuine laughter from most of the ponies. Rarity leaned over to Fluttershy and repeated “Great and powerful” in a whisper, which caused the pegasus to unsuccessfully smother another giggle under a forehoof. Erika exchanged a nonplussed look with Erin, then shrugged and went back to watching the audience.

There were some more theatrics and bluster from the Wizard, which resulted in more boos from the pony audience. This was followed shortly thereafter by what Erika remembered as her favorite part from her childhood: the flying monkey scene.

Even a century later, that scene managed to convey a much higher level of menace than the rest of the film had managed so far—even though it looked incredibly cheesy to Erika these days, the ponies were completely enraptured. And, sadly, a couple more crying foals had to be taken out of the theater. Erika noted Erin sinking down into her seat, shame-faced.

Fluttershy seemed to be handling it well, though. She had both hooves up to cover her eyes, but had left a gap wide enough to peek through.

When the Wicked Witch threatened Dorothy in her castle, there were some sympathetic sniffles from some members of the audience, mostly from the colts and fillies. Soft murmurs sounded as parents tried to comfort scared children, which only intensified as the Tinman, Scarecrow and Lion broke into the castle to rescue Dorothy.

With Dorothy rescued from her prison, the four friends (and one dog) were chased through the castle, only to be cornered by the Witch and her guards. The Witch, in a fine display of melodramatic sadism, set the Scarecrow on fire, and Dorothy threw a bucket of water on him… accidentally hitting the Witch.

Who, in one of the greatest mysteries of cinematic history, immediately started melting.

“You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?”

There was a long silence in the theater, broken after a few seconds as a stallion’s incredulous voice shouted “What the hay?!” The audience burst out laughing. Three seats over from Erika, Erin groaned, hid her face behind a hoof, and sunk down in her chair. Rarity patted her comfortingly on the shoulder.

When the friends returned to the Wizard only to be rebuffed and put off, the ponies all booed again, only to break out in laughter when the Wizard’s scam was revealed. Erika caught a few more snickering repeats of “great and powerful” from around the theater, and resolved to get the full story from Fluttershy at some point.

The Wizard gave out his gifts and then completely failed to return Dorothy home, instead floating off in his balloon by himself. The movie wrapped up with the Deus Ex Machina that Erika hated so much: Glinda the Good Witch soap-bubbled her way into town and revealed that Dorothy could have gotten home at any time, but that she wouldn’t have believed it before now—which had always seemed like a dirty, underhanded trick to pull, and which Dorothy took surprisingly well considering all that she’d been through.

Dorothy ended up waking in her own bed, revealing that everything was all a dream, which was a happy enough ending. Except, of course, that there was nothing stopping Miss Gulch coming back and trying to take Toto again.

The movie ended, and the ponies all started cheering and stomping their hooves, which—much to Erika’s surprise—went on for nearly a minute. Erin was looking around with a disbelieving smile creeping over her face, apparently surprised that the ponies liked it as much as they seemed to.

“How’d you like it?” Erika asked Fluttershy.

“Oh, it was lovely,” Fluttershy replied softly. “It wasn’t really scary at all, except for once or twice. Though, I do feel bad that it seemed to be too much for a few of the younger colts and fillies.”

Erika was about to answer when Rarity suddenly shouted, “Sweetie Belle! What are you doing here, young lady?”

The filly in question was a shame-faced little white unicorn with a two-toned mane, flanked by a similarly tiny orange pegasus and light yellow earth pony.

“Uh…” the filly replied, shrinking back in an apparent attempt to hide behind herself.

“Gotta go!” the pegasus filly said, making a dash for the door.

“Me too!” the earth pony added quickly. “Good luck, Sweetie!”

The two of them were gone in a flash, leaving Sweetie hunkered down and flushing a bright pink through her white coat while receiving a scolding from her older sister. From what Erika could pick up during the scolding, the main reason why Rarity had even gone to see the movie in the first place was to make sure that it was suitable for her little sister.

Erika made for the exit, glad to leave that drama behind. Fluttershy trailed behind, along with Erin.

“Well, that seemed to go well!” Erin exclaimed once they were clear of the exit. She was grinning broadly, her eyes twinkling as she watched the ponies walking out of the theater. “I wasn’t sure if they’d like it or not.”

“Oh, it was a lovely movie,” Fluttershy said. “So much less scary than some of the others I’ve seen. I liked it very much!”

Erika shrugged. Her own opinion of the film seemed out of place amidst the generally positive atmosphere. “It’s a classic for a reason, I guess.”

They stood around in awkward silence for a few seconds until Rarity came out, a chastened Sweetie Belle in tow. “Now, you head home right this minute, young lady,” the unicorn said, voice sharp and commanding. “I’ll be along shortly to let Mother and Father know that my evaluation of the film is no longer needed. I suggest you be the one to tell them first.”

“Yes, Rarity,” Sweetie Belle mumbled, head hanging low.

It made for a pathetic sight, and it must have tugged at Rarity’s heartstrings, because her expression immediately softened. She leaned down and kissed her little sister on the forehead. “For what it’s worth, while I’m disappointed, I doubt you’ll get into too much trouble. Run along, now, Sweetie.”

“Yes, Rarity.” Sweetie slumped off, the picture of abject misery… for about ten seconds. Her two filly friends popped up out of nowhere and all three of them started jabbering excitedly for a few seconds before scampering off while singing “Ding dong, the witch is dead!” at the top of their lungs.

Rarity sighed and shook her head. “I swear, that filly…” Her face brightened up as she turned to address the rest of the little group. “Say, I don’t suppose the three of you would like to head out, perhaps get a bite of something to eat?”

Erika’s eyes widened at the thought of more social interaction. She was already tired, and the thought of what was sure to be an awkward dinner conversation filled her with a sense of dread. Fluttershy saved her, though, shaking her head and offering up an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I promised Erika she could come over and play with some of the animals at my house.” Whatever relief Erika had felt at the rescue was neatly lanced when Fluttershy added, “She’s leaving tomorrow, after all, and we may not see each other again for a while.”

Well,that brought my mood back down, Erika thought sourly.

Rarity nodded graciously. “Of course. Erin, how about you?”

“Oh, sure. I could eat.”

The two groups said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. The trip to Fluttershy’s cottage was made in near-total silence. Not the awkward kind of silence, but the comfortable kind where both people had nothing much to say and felt no need to try and invent a conversation out of thin air.

All in all, Erika decided, this wasn't a bad way to end her last full day in Ponyville.

Author's Note

I've now watched the Wizard of Oz far more often than anyone should ever have to.

Many thanks to my editing team!
(listed in no particular order)
Coandco
Ekevoo
Razalon the Lizardman
Merlos the Mad
BrilliantPoint