Accidents Happen

by Syeekoh

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Starswirl the Bearded, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1087

Twilight muses on the nature of accidents.

Rainbow Dash walks in on Twilight pondering her existence.

Like, really pondering her existence.

Preread by Rainedash!

Youtube Reading by Wander MD!

Published 2015-03-22 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-22 00:10:01 UTC

Pondering

Rainbow Dash landed on the balcony of Twilight’s Friendship Castle and trotted inside. She had to admit it was a nice castle, but she missed the thrill of bursting through a window to greet Twilight. She walked through the expansive hallways.

“Twilight?” she called out. “Twilight?”

She eventually found a door that was slightly ajar. Rainbow Dash smiled as she entered.

Inside, Twilight was staring at her reflection.

“Hey, Twi?”

Twilight didn’t respond.

Rainbow Dash trotted up to Twilight and jostled her a bit. “Twi?”

Still no response from Twilight. Rainbow Dash’s breath caught in her chest. What was wrong with Twilight? Did she snap? Was it Discord, that rascal? Dash swore that if Discord did this to Twilight, she’d—

“Hey, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said in a measured tone, still looking at the mirror.

Rainbow Dash sighed in relief. “Oh, good! I thought something might have gotten to you or something.”

“It has.”

Rainbow Dash blinked, then snarled and snorted. “What? Who’s gotten to you! I’ll—”

“I have, Rainbow.”

Rainbow straightened up and raised an eyebrow. “...What do you mean, ‘you’ve gotten to you’?”

Twilight offered a small chortle. “I’ve just realized that I’m an accident.”

“Oh,” Rainbow Dash said as she sucked in through her teeth. “What happened? You walk in on your parents talking about it or something?”

Twilight slowly shook her head. “No. I figured it out all on my own.”

“What?”

“Yeah.” Twilight slowly turned to look at Rainbow Dash. “The chances of me being born as I am today are infinitesimally small.”

Rainbow Dash slowly backed away. “Uh, Twilight, you’re starting to freak me out a bit—”

Twilight grasped Rainbow Dash in her magic. “No. Someone’s going to listen to this, and it might as well be you.” Twilight took a deep breath. “Do you know how babies are made?”

“Uh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash said while blushing. “What does this have to do with anything?”

“Everything,” Twilight said. She then paced around. “When the stallion ejaculates inside of the mare during an ovulation period, the egg is bombarded with one hundred and eighty million separate sperm. These sperm all compete to fertilize the egg. Are you following so far?”

Rainbow Dash nodded. She really wasn’t sure where Twilight was going with this, but she hoped that she stopped the crazy talk soon.

Twilight smiled. “Good. Now, as you can see, that already leads to an infinitesimally miniscule chance of me as me being born. I’m sure that if you reproduced the exact moment, another sperm would fertilize the egg.” Twilight sighed.

“But what does—”

“Furthermore,” Twilight continued, “certain influences that I’m not aware of affected my fetal development.” Twilight continued her pacing. “If any of these influences were altered in any way, shape, or form, I would be a completely different mare than I am today.” Twilight sighed, letting go of Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head. “Alright… but what does this have to do with anything?”

Twilight marched over to Rainbow Dash and throttled her. “Don’t you see? I’m an accident! You’re an accident! We’re all accidents!” Twilight let go of Rainbow Dash and took a deep breath. “If someone were to time travel and alter any of those variables, it could lead to dire consequences!”

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “I think you’re overthinking this, Twilight,” she said. “I think if anyone time-traveled and changed us, we’d notice by now.”

“You… you really think so?” Twilight asked.

Rainbow Dash nodded and pat Twilight on the back. “I’m positive. Anyway,” Rainbow Dash said, “what brought this on, Dusk Shine?”

Dusk Shine closed his eyes, then opened them. “Well, Rainbow, I just… I was just thinking about stuff and let my mind wander… and I guess it just came to this mind-breaking thought.”

“Look, buddy, you really have to stop overthinking things. It might break your brain one of these days.”

Dusk Shine glared at Rainbow Dash. “But thinking is what I’m good at! If I don’t think, then I wouldn’t be Dusk Shine! Do you want me to not be Dusk Shine?”

“Look, Dusky,” Rainbow Dash said as she wrapped the stallion in a hug. “I like you. I like that you think.” Rainbow Dash then pulled away. “But Twilight, what’s more important is that you’re my friend. I’d rather have my best friend than a drooling mess, do you understand?”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “I think so, Rainbow Dash. Now let’s get to flying practice!” With that, both mares left the bathroom.

Soon after they left, a white flash overtook the bathroom, revealing a gray unicorn with a similarly colored beard and Discord. Discord sniffed around.

“Good, she’s still female,” Discord said.

“Well, that’s—”

Starswirl was cut off by a talon across his face. “What were you thinking? You almost unraveled time itself with that stunt you pulled!”

Starswirl rubbed his cheek, a glowing red from the smack he had just received. “There’s no way I could have unraveled time, you dolt.”

“And how do you know that, Mister Smarty Pants?” Discord said as he glared at the unicorn wizard.

“Because if time had unraveled, we wouldn’t be here.” Starswirl chortled. “It seems that the timeline is uniquely elastic when it comes to correcting itself.”

“Well, whatever. I don’t like the thought of being unraveled—”

Their arguing was cut off by Discord’s voice. “Twilight? I’m looking for the sugar in this enormous castle you have here and I’d rather you just tell me where it is.”

Starswirl gasped. “Oh no, what if you see you?”

“Oh, no, I remember this quite clearly,” the Discord inside of the bathroom said with a grin.

The Discord outside of the bathroom opened the bathroom door. “Well, the door was ajar so I thought—”

Discord stared at himself and Starswirl. The Discord next to Starswirl pulled out two sugar packets and threw them to the confused Discord.

“Alright, let’s cheese it, Starswirl!”

Starswirl nodded as his horn glowed, wrapping him and the Discord next to him in a white flash. When the flash dissipated, they were gone.

The remaining Discord blinked, stared at the two packets of sugar he had ostensibly just handed himself, then shrugged as he left the bathroom.

“Well, I got what I came here for,” he said as he walked back down the hallway. Discord learned a long time ago that sometimes it’s best to not ask questions. Your brain might break.

Author's Note

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Honestly.