Chapter One: A Tale of Tragic Incompetence

I sat in my study reading in silence. What I read was a dissertation on the future on teleportation magic and the effect it could have on commercial travel in the next few decades; fascinating, truly fascinating. Dim candlelight danced across my study, illuminating just enough for me to read, but leaving the rest of the room shrouded in darkness. I couldn’t tell you what time of day it was as the study was located in the center of my home, with no way for the outside world to disturb it, and I had been in there for hours.

All I knew for certain was that it was a Tuesday, as that was how I spent most Tuesdays. I always felt Tuesdays to be relaxing, they were at such a low point of the week no one ever did anything disruptive, nothing important ever happened on a Tuesday I’d state with confidence. That was until my assistant interrupted my studies and lead an unexpected potential client in, sitting him down across from me. Before I could even put away what I was reading, let alone reprimand my assistant the man began prattling.

His name was Iron Rail, and just like his name sake grease seemed to drip from his thinning hair, and mix with the copious amounts of sweat racing down his chubby face. Iron also seemed to have nervous fingers that buzzed around obnoxiously, constantly folding over themselves or being run through his scalp. He sat across from me, the candlelight hitting him under the chin, and illuminating his face at an unflattering angle. From what I could make out of his blathering he worked for some train company. There was also something about an important final chance, and getting fired, but It didn’t seem worth the effort to find out, so I ignored it.

About five minutes in I made a decision, I was going to wait for him to get his thoughts into order, rather than trying to decipher his speech. So I turned my attention back to the research paper I had started before he arrived. I hopped my company wouldn’t get his hands on this article, he’d probably pass out from fright, assuming he understood it.

“Miss?”

I peeked over the top of my paper, it appeared Iron had finally stopped talking. Now we could get to business. But first I needed to correct something.

“Doctor.”

“Pardon,” his face twisted grotesquely as he tried to understand my obvious statement.

“Call me Doctor, not Miss. Unlike you, my education was not a waste.”

“Oh,” his face lit up with sudden realization, “I’m sorry Miss, uh, I mean Doctor.”

“It’s fine. Anyways,” I continued the conversation, trying my best to hold back a grimace, “you were telling me something, about something.”

“You weren’t listening,” his face began turning red, making his sweat more rapid, and more obvious.

“No, I was not.”

“And why the hell not,” he launched out of his seat, and ineptly began walking around the room, trying to find something to take his frustration out on, before he gave up and turned back on me, “you better have a damn good explanation, or I’m taking my companies money elsewhere.”

“Because, I wanted to give you a moment to get your thoughts in order,” I explained, but held back comments about how that should have been something he did before wasting my time, “now that they are, we should have no trouble communicating.”

“Well, I, uh, I guess that makes sense,” he stammered while straightening his jacket and sitting back down.

“Glad we’re agreed, now please start from the very beginning.”

“The beginning? All right, it was three weeks ago, I was conducting the Ponyville Express to Canterlot. About three hours into the journey we spotted something just up the tracks. Two bright red lanterns, that meant trouble and we knew it, something up ahead must have been wrong with the track, probably flooding, it had been raining heavily the day before. So we brought the train to a stop, and waited to be informed of the issue.

“The two of them came right up to the front of the train, while we waited feeling a bit nervous. One climbed right up to the cabin, while the other held back, and thank goodness for that because she was bit of a brute, but the one that came up to talk to us, whoa, I mean I’d never seen a woman that fine.”

I must have been giving him a strange look because after that he caught my eye and spluttered awkwardly. His chubby fingers nervously began running through his dark greasy hair.

“Sorry, M-Doctor. I was being a might crass.”

“No need to apologize, a description of the assailants involved is extremely necessary. These are the assailants?” Normally I wouldn’t even bother asking that question, because it was easy to deduce from context whom I was after, but with this man I couldn’t be to sure he wasn’t giving me a pointless anecdote. It was also quite entertaining to watch him squirm.

“Of course they are.”

“Well then, in that case descriptions are good. Though, it would be nice if those descriptions went deeper than one you ogled, the other you didn’t.”

“Right, sorry. So she climbed up to talk to us, she had this white gown on, that matched her skin, and her hair was a purple colour the curled all the way down her back, she smiled so sweetly when we first saw her. I swore she must have been some land Barron's daughter to look that good, no way some average girl could pull it off, not now not ever.

“Before even saying anything she blew a kiss to all four of us in the front, and for some reason, we just started smiling like idiots, and we couldn’t stop. It took few seconds to sink in, but we were completely stuck, then she turned back down to her partner. ‘Darling’ that’s what she said ‘darling’ be all sweet for a brute like that, can you believe it? ‘darling, come on up, the spell is working’. Next we heard the large stomping, and that giant blonde woman with a nasty scar over her eye came up to join us. She was wearing leather everything, along with some beat up ol’ hat.

“‘Howdy gentlemen,’ she started with an obnoxious grin, ‘the name’s Jack, they call me Honest Jack, that’s cause I never tell a lie, and I’m not going to start now so listen close’. She pulled two revolvers and a large sack from her coat, placed the guns in the hands of two of the men, and gave the last one the sack. ‘The way this spell works is you have to do as told,’ she continued, ‘though we don’t got control over your exact specific actions, so you three are going to take any valuables from those riding the train, that isn’t a choice, the spell will make you. However you get to choose how you do it, and now I’m going to make a few suggestions, this is the part where you should listen, don’t let your guard down, just because you know you aren’t robbing the train and aren’t going to harm people doesn’t mean they know. We don’t want a passenger with an itchy trigger finger blowing you away do we? Next act fast, if someone shows up to investigate, they won’t hesitate to gun down guys running around the train with guns and sacks of money. Lastly, be big, be loud, be scary, but under no circumstances kill any passengers. I know how this spell works, so you can bet any fancy city lawyer sent to prosecute you will to, and they’ll know you killed them of your own free will, and that will get you a date with the hangman. I’m sure you don’t want that. Okay now that you’ve got it, go get’ she seemed to herd them into the next compartment while the women in white wriggled her fingers and whispered some kind of chant. Next Jack turned to me, ‘and you, you are going to let us right into train’s safe.’

“Next thing I knew that damn harlot was chanting under her breath again and I couldn’t stop myself from leading them to the train car with the safes. Once we arrived I used my own key to open it up, and they just started taking things it was terrifying to watch.”

“Terrifying?” I interrupted, “how could that be terrifying?”

“Because the one that called herself Honest Jack is stronger than anything I’ve ever seen. She hoisted two full safes on to her shoulders and tossed three bags of cash onto her back. The rest, which was actually lighter than what that monster, Jack, was carrying, was magicked into the air by the women in white. Next they got the sack and guns from the other three, and disappeared into the night.

“But that was just the first time. Since then they’re have been six bank robberies that point to them, and three more train jobs. We even tried getting guards, but those that weren’t stopped by the magic, were disarmed by Jack. She’s a hell of a shot, but has never killed anyone, only injuries or disarming.”

“Do you have any leads as to where I might find them,” I asked, getting slightly eager this was somewhat exciting, powerful mind magic, and inhuman strength. These girls were good, though I doubt better than I.

“Yes, we’ve received news that items taken in the robbery have started popping up in the town of Sunprance. Also I’m supposed to give you these,” the man reached into his stained coat and pulled some papers, “wanted posters, complete with all the information we have on the two of them.”

I took the pile and laid all the papers out flat on the table in front of me, placing the two drawings of the women in the center. One had a short pony tail, a tough and serious face, with one nasty scar across her left eye, she was tall and muscular, and unkempt and dirty. The other was soft, clean, and feminine, with long curly hair, and a sly smirk, she was well groomed with plucked eyebrows, clean skin, and with what appeared to be light make up, that was unexpected for a woman of her supposed status.

After I glanced down at the names under each drawing, Honest Jack and The Harlot. That’s what they were being called now. I couldn’t hold back my grin as I looked away from the papers. Good nicknames on my targets always got to me.

“Spike,” I yelled to the door, quickly my portly assistant answered my call and entered.

“Yes Doctor Sparkle,” he said disinterestedly, the boy had an attitude problem, but he at least made himself useful and knew when to leave me be, as opposed to my previous proteges that would just get under my feet. I kind of hoped this one wouldn’t do something stupid and get himself killed, “what is it you want?”

“Get my rifle,” I told him, much to the delight of Iron Rails, “we’re going hunting.”