A heavy feeling was ridden in his heart as Big Macintosh left his resting sister at the barn. Though he was able to restrain it most of the time in front of the family, he found it impossible in the case of the suffering victim.

It was strange. Although he and Fluttershy rarely communicated, save for some small talk while she was hanging out with Applejack, there was a certain distress to see his sister’s friend in trouble, though ironically for his own sibling, there was none. It wasn’t romantic love, or even some sort of a weird family-like bond to her. It was just to be described…as a feeling, a crack in his stone chest, which he had believed to be unbreakable since the incident.

“Oh hello there, Big Mac. How’s Applejack?”

Granny Smith was walking slowly towards the barn gates with her trusty walking stick.

“Oh! Well, she’s not feeling that well, so I’m visiting Fluttershy instead of her.” He simply replied.

“To the hospital?”

“Eeyup.”

“Flutter…shy?” She asked, fiddling with the lock. “Is that one of our old cousins from Manehatten or New Fork, or is it one of the removed ones? Even your old granny can’t remember that many names.”

“Nope. She’s one of the friends of Applejack, Granny Smith. You know, the unrelated ones.”

“Oh…the group that she always hangs out with. Not that I dislike them or anything, but they often seem to ignore us two, don’t you think? I can’t remember the last time one of them directly addressed me, save for the pink energetic one. But phooey, that pony is literally friends with everyone!” She chuckled.

“I suppose so. But they’re still important to Applejack, which means that they’re important to me too.” Big Mac admitted, unlocking the gate and letting his grandmother to pass through.

Could that be the reason? This feeling…of mutual aid, for a figurative stranger in request of a family member? No…that clearly wasn’t it.

“Well, I’m off to take a nap. Twenty-five rounds of Bingo with the old folk really does quite a number on you, Heh heh.”

“See you later, Granny.” Big Mac muttered, closing the fence-gate behind him, waving slightly as she continued to move forward.

And just like that she was temporarily, no longer his concern. It took a long time to get adapted to this method. To only care for a pony, no matter how important or deep the relationship, when they are in the vicinity of his sight, or in the able protection of others, in this case his sisters, whom he trusted could easily help her in case anything went wrong. Many others, when discovering of using this method, were considered to be cruel, heartless. For him, it was a relief.

So why was he showing concern for Fluttershy when clearly he did not know her personally, that she was well under a lot of protection, and that she wasn’t face to face with his own?

“Darn it…what is today?” He said to himself, grumbling as went into the paths leading to Ponyville.

“Oh hello there Big Mac!” A fellow friend of his greeted cheerfully.

“Hi there.” Poof. Extinct.

Another pony came up to him, bearing a similar greeting.

“Nice to see you after yesterday’s challenge. How are the apple trees growing? You know that it all depends on your cider!”

“I’m be sure to keep them it check, mate.” Bang. Disappeared.

Cheerilee came up to him, bearing a smile that could melt honey.

“Why hello there big boy! Don’t forget about our little date tonight!”

“I won’t, don’t worry sugarberry.” Gone with the wind.

Every pony, every creature, every contract, every situation, everything. Present, react, ignore. The fundamental rule, the un-falsifiable principle. Something that must be followed for their sake.

For his own sake.

“Focus…Big Mac…focus.” His aim now was to visit Fluttershy, yet he brought nothing but the letter. The night market was still open, so he went over to Rose and brought a bundle of pink rues. He didn’t know why he bought rues; it was just the first thing to come to his mind.

Flowers were good enough, right? The many times he saw the pony she was shy and willing to comply, so he knew that a simple gift would be the best one. But why was that feeling still there?

“Wait a second…”

Didn’t Applejack face a similar dilemma just before? Which he solved? While he faced situations and ponies with a intended purpose, she remained impassive on even the most heartbreaking situations, a policy which if he remembered correctly, described as “crying on the inside”. So if she could find the solution, why couldn’t he? What was making this so difficult?!

In frustration, he took out the letter that Applejack gave him, in blind hope that the parchment could give him even a hint of the answer.

“……………………………”

He folded it up, placed it back under the saddle, and threw the rue flowers onto the muddy ground. He understood now. The feeling was gone. And there was a much better choice.

“Big Mac? What are you doing here?”

Fluttershy was flustered as she saw him walk solemnly into the hospital room, his hands holding a different bundle of flowers.

“Are…are those…for me?”

“Who else? Applejack’s not feeling well, so she asked me to see if you’re alright. Are you?” He asked, placing the flowers cautiously on the wooden desk.

“Yes I’m fine, Big Mac, thanks…” She went over to the desk and sniffed the lilac plant. “If I’m not mistaken, Arborvitae?”

“Eeyup. Well, I’ll be off. She also gave you a letter, which I placed on your side when you were sniffing the flowers.” He nodded.

“Oh! I see. Well, goodbye.”

She placed the flowers into a vase, then opened the scroll and started to read the words that had freed Big Mac.

##########################################################################################################

Dear Fluttershy,

In the case that you are reading this old letter, it” probably because I broke down my promise to stay impassive towards any situations, a policy which I had followed even before we had become friends. Not really much of achievement, to be honest. Since we rarely actually interact with each other. Heh, at the beginning I either had to drag you around a mountain or force myself to talk with you since you were so darn shy.

Now look at you. You have grown as much as our other friends have. An passively assertive figure that little Applebloom and the other crusaders can look up to. Every day I find us something new about animals thanks to you, and for that you have proven yourself to be well worthy of any-pony” respect. However, I can’t really say the same for myself.

You see, since we formed our little old band of six, while every-pony else fixed their known flaws, I had to discover my own: stubbornness. Before now, I had always considered myself to be the symbol of Ponyville. Hardworking, honest, and loyal. But one by one you and our other friends broke through the real barrier of truth, and I found myself lying. How bad could that be, to be the actual ELEMENT of honesty and lie so many times, even deceive in some cases. In the start I despised myself, then tried to prove it that you guys were wrong, to only make the situation worse. I lost a lot of respect, some of which that never will be regained.

That’s when I decided to form the impassive barrier towards every situation. I became the stable pony, the one that you could depend on no matter what, just like how my big brother had been to me all these years. In the exterior, it looks like I had succeeded. Slowly one by one ponies started to trust me again. Some even started to ask me for advice, not just information related to farm work but life choices. I had become so filled with common sense and logic that I could provide a answer to solve any-pony” problem.

Except my own. I remained a stressful and stubborn idiot, the only difference being that no-pony was the bearer of witness. Every night I had to get rid of…figures in my sleep, while making sure that my brother, or the rest of my family wouldn” hear the frightened screams of a scared filly. It became so bad to the point where I considered and attempted…the unthinkable. My family found out. But thankfully, not Applebloom, as it would break her heart. They counseled me, yet I still couldn’t find an answer to such a seemingly impossible problem.

But seeing and thinking about your condition and Rainbow Dash” today made me cry for the first time in twenty years. My crying during the middle of the night brought back the shadows. But for some reason, I felt relieved. I see now why my method was so wrong. I know now that sometimes you may seem important as a hero to others, but inside your life can be as empty as a conch shell if you don’t understand your meaning behind your purpose. I used to always believe that no matter what happened I had to stay strong and collected. That was only the purpose behind all the actions that I did. The real meaning behind my life, behind every-pony”, is the ability to realize that some things are not worth storing from the past, as they may torture you for a lifetime unless you forget. That’s something that me and old Big Mac share. We both shared the same emotion and sadness towards the same tragedy, and we both adapted our own foolish methods, methods which worsened our feelings of emptiness.

What I” trying to say is, don’t worry about us. You’re moving on, and you have to realize that there are things that have to be put down from your memory not matter how important that may seem, because I learned the hard way that in the long run they will damage you more than comfort you. Go be yourself. Don’t force yourself to comply, and don’t force yourself to grieve. It will come naturally, but not when you want it to. That’s what I learned today.

Live life to the fullest.

Applejack

Author's Note

Tiny Knowledge Question: What do the two types of flowers in this chapter represent?

Sorry for the long wait by the way. This took a long time to think of how to present, and the fact that I'm still doing exams kind of adds to the stress. Oh well, this is my current favourite story idea project, and I can't let it down as I can't let you guys down.