Marital Bliss

by Nadake

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Rarity
Length: 9008

After years of work, even an Earth pony will succumb to the pain.

Nearly a decade after their marriage, tensions fill the growing void between Applejack and Rarity. With Applebloom gone, and Big Mac crippled, it falls squarely on the Element of Honesty to run the farm, from planting to bucking to selling, she had become Sweet Apple Acres. But not even the magic and strength of the earth ponies can handle that much stress. And neither can a marriage.

Published 2012-05-11 21:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-15 02:26:33 UTC

Marital Bliss

Applejack trudged into the Carousel Boutique, her dusty hooves dragging along the spotless tile floor. It had been another long day, between bucking apples, carrying them, pulling a laden cart, selling the apples, over and over and over. Ever since she had been a filly, from the moment she had returned to the farm, Applejack had worked every day of her life.

But nothing can be done forever. Over the years, the long, endless years, her body had been worn down. Muscles that had once been firm, tight, and supple now screamed in protest at every movement. Big Mac had stopped working almost five years ago, after a tree had crushed him in a storm. Now the big stallion could barely walk, much less do the heavy labor that the farm required just to run. Applebloom had managed to go to College in Manehatten, and was earning some fancy degree or other. No farming for her, not with a head like that on her shoulders.

Not that AJ blamed them. It wasn't Big Mac's fault that a freak accident had almost killed him, leaving him a cripple. He was living happily with Ms. opps, Mrs. now, Mrs. Cheerilee, helping her teach the classes about history and geography. And the red stallion was still a mathematical genius, he wasn't allowed in the building when that class was in session, he could stop himself from blurting the answer.

It wasn't Applebloom's fault leaving either, she could do so much for herself at College. Of course it still hurt, seeing her sister leave. There had been a screaming match that Rarity said could be heard in the town when AJ had first learned of her baby sister's plans. Of all the things that had ever happened to them, that conversation was still the most horrible thing AJ had ever done to her sister.

In the echoes of the closing door, she could still hear Applebloom's parting shot, the shout that the little yellow filly had said, the cruel jab meant only to hurt. "I don't want to be a farmer Applejack. I can do something useful with my life." They had made up, eventually, and had parted with smiles on their faces. But those words had been well choosen, they had hurt, and the wounds still bled.

Maybe if she tried harder, she could have done something else, something 'better' with her life. It wasn't that she was unhappy, she wasn't. She loved her work, loved her trees and carts. Well, maybe not the carts so much, but she was a farmer, through and through. The problem was, she couldn't just think about herself.

Rarity had never said a word, hadn't even hinted, but AJ knew that it hurt her beloved to see her working in the orchard every day. Rarity was a savvy, successful, brilliant mare, one who made beautiful works of art for the wealthy and well bred. She also made clothes for other ponies, even making clothes for those without parents or without money in her spare time. The invitations to balls, parties, galas, dances, operas, races, derbies, and all manner of socialite activities came flooding in, to the point where Derp- Ditzy had trouble sorting out the mail for the rest of the town amoungst the clishmaclaver that was Rarity's mail. Luckily for the poor postmare, most of the mail arrived in groups, once a week.

On those days, the unicorn would sit up for hours, long into the night, sorting through the mail piece by piece, answering her clients or those with enough rank and wealth to merit her correspondence. She would set aside those letters to be given to Ditzy in a bundle that would be unwrapped and delivered once it reached Manehatten or Fillydelphia or Canterlot or wherever the missives were headed. She would also make another stack, on that she actually cared about. Letters to the children, the friends and good relations were always the letters that the fashionista would labor over for hours sometimes. They had to be perfect, nothing less would do for those who actually mattered.

A stack of that breed of letter sat on the desk in the back corner of the main room right now in fact. Ditzy would need to deliver them all personally, or at the very least endure that they were delivered correctly. You could afford to have a letter to Mr. XYZ Richy McRich in Manehatten go awry, and just play it off as a fluke. But some of those letters would break even Rainbow's heart, and would leave the two mares sobbing for hours.

One letter had arrived that had completely stopped all of Rarity's work for a week. The letter had arrived just as AJ had, the pair had read together. They had begun to cry at the second line, and when they reached halfway down the letter, where a misted spray of blood speckled the page, they had lost even the semblance of calm. The young colt had been told he was going to die. That there was nothing that the doctors could do, and that they would try everything, but...

That colt had stood out. Some, many, colts his age were only interested in Rarity because of her external beauty, her success, and not a few of them because she lived with another mare. Jitter Bug had been different. His letter had spoken not of Rarity at all, but ask her advice. He was in love, the poor sweet foal. He had never told Cloud Rain of his feelings, afraid the other colt would be disgusted. But when there was nothing left to lose, he had decided to try anyway.

The letter had been beautiful, the confession of a heart that was breaking, even as the body around it fell apart. The two had taken a week off work to visit the poor colt, only to find out why there was blood on the paper. His lungs had ruptured, and coughing blood he had died. In his last moments, he had addressed the letter, determined to send it. The fine mist of red had been his final signature.

They had found Cloud Rain, and given him the letter. And AJ had very nearly killed the assinine coniving, thankless, worthless little bastard. His face had curled in disgust at the sight of the blood, and only grown less pleasant as time went on. Then he had dropped the letter into the dusty road that lead to the small farming town he lived in. The sneering face, and the muttered "Colt-cuddler." had sparked a fire in her belly. She had lunged at the colt, sobbing and screaming, slamming hoof after hoof after hoof into the colt. She had been in her prime then, and had felt the satisfying wet pop as a rib broke under her furious assault.

That letter now stood, framed and behind glass, suspended from the back wall of the room, just to her right when Rarity sat there. Once, Applejack had walked in to see her beloved sitting at her desk, staring at the letter, silent tears streaming down her face. They hadn't spoken, Applejack had just walked over, and pulled Rarity into her warm, strong chest. There, cuddled into the strength of her wife, Rarity had finally let go of the last of her strength, breaking down completely. Late that night, they still sat there together, neither willing to move from the embrace. "I- I'm so glad I- That I found the courage to tell you. Oh Applejack." She had continued to talk, words broken and intelligible through the broken dry sobs.

Pannign around the large room, Applejack looked for any sign of her wife, or failing that, their pets. Opalescence was still stalking about in her loft disdain for anything and everything. She was stymied in this by Willow, Winnona's first puppy. Winnona herself stayed at the farm, happy to live out her retirement in her nice warm doghouse, a snug blanket wrapped about her old bones. Willow though was the essence of life. She would bound about the Boutique, charming customers and inspiring Rarity. In fact, the only resident that didn't adore Willow was Opal herself, though her high and mighty still couldn't bring herself to stopping the ball of furry sunshine. Once, Rarity had joked that Willow must be Pinkie's, since both brought a smile to every face.

Neither the enormously conceited cat, nor the selfless dog were in sight though. Opal was probably holed up in some corner, ready to attack anything that came near her. Willow was most likely following Sweetie Belle around wherever the young mare ad wandered off to. The pair was almost inseparable, unless Willow saw a ball. Nothign under Celestia's merry golden sun could stop that dog from chasing a ball.

AJ chuckled, and strode slowly into the shop. At first, right after the incident with the Changlings, Rarity had been resentful of Applejack. Constantly fighting, bickering back and forth, competing in ways that Rainbow couldn't even imagine, much less attempt. Then, one night, they and snapped. In between a shouting match over the relative worth of farming and fashion design, Rarity had caved.

The pair had met weekly after that first night, every time they began with an argument, and ended wrapped in each others hooves, warm smiles and relaxed muscles lulling the mares into sleep. It was Pinkie who found them, of course. Nopony in their right mind would try to keep a secret from Pinkie Pie. Sadly, neither mare had been composed enough to swear Pinkie to secrecy. By the time AJ had finished cooking breakfast, the entire town knew where she was, and where she had apparently spent the night.

The Party Pony hadn't meant any harm, not really. She was like a child, so endearing, so innocent. And completely incapable of knowing that sometimes, you don't say things. Especially in public. Some, their friends, another couple, and a few others, had supported the two, even though then they hadn't been 'the two'. Most of the town though, lead by, of all things, Mayor Mare had been dead set to drive the filth out of her. Or at the very least, drive her out. They had failed, mostly because Twilight had mentioned it in a letter, and both Princesses had descended on the town like avenging angels.

The scolding that day was one that Mayor Mare's great grandfoals would retell, laughing at their elders expense. The vociferous assault was all the more impressive because nopony could clearly remember what, exactly, had been said. They each remembered the fervent thanks given to their Princess that they were not the ones caught in the hunters gaze. By the end of the confrontation, Mayor Mare had formally apologized, then scampered off to lick her wounds. Both Princesses then asked if they would be allowed to attend the wedding.

Applejack had been about to protest, once more, that they were not getting married, that there was nothing serious between them. Wonderfully soft, warm lips had swallowed the protest though, and it died in her throat unheard. She had lost herself that day, had fallen so far into the azure eyes to ever swim out. Not that she wanted to, then, now, or ever. She was glad and more than glad to drown forever, falling eternally into those beautiful eyes.

Now, almost a decade after that memorable occassion, and the absolutely perfect wedding Pinkie had managed to conjure out of a cake, a few pieces of confetti, and half a invitation card found in Gummy's pool. A picture still hung in a gilded frame right in the center of the wall, the picture hung in a manner that made it impossible to ignore on entry. It was a picture of the bridal kiss, of course. No other picture would ever be given even lip service by comparison. The angle, the light, the position, everything about that picture mirrored the day itself. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

A loud pop echoed through the room, followed by a whimper. When Rarity rushed over, Applejack was at least lying on her side, a much less demeaning position than splayed across the tiled floor like a rug. "Applejack!" She cried, the panicked cry echoing in the room, only heightening the acute pain lancing between her skull in time with her pulse.

"Darling, are you alright?"

"Eh? Oh, yeah. A'll be fine sugarcube, just tripped. Gimme a minute and Ah'll be right as rain." A sharp hissing inhalation gave the words a lie, even as the farmer's face contorted in pain. The aches and pains had been growing worse for years, to the point where she not only accepted, but was in a state of near orgasmic bliss when Rarity took her to the spa. The skilled hooves of the twins were the only balm that would relieve the constant agony of her failing body. She knew, and thought that Rarity suspected, just how much damage the constant stress, tension and heavy labor was causing her body.

Now, every day she came home in a haze, barely able to see straight through the spots of red the blazing pain caused to float through her vision. One of those spots had just tripped her, ramming into her leg, and making the muscles go limp. She had fallen, collapsed like a newborn filly.

"Hey, Sugarcube?"

"Yes darling?" Rarity smiled slightly, even through the deep worry creasing her brow. That had been the first thing that they had said when they had finally arrived home, newly wed and newly harassed. The next words killed the smile as surely as any harpy would kill a bird.

"Ah, Ah need your help. Ah can't get up." At the words, the farmer looked away, ashamed. She was the strong one, she had always been. When their parents had died, she was the one whose eyes remained clear, while Big Mac fell apart, and little Applebloom was curled into her comforting shoulder. Somepony had to keep the family together, somepony needed to stay strong for the others. And ever since she could remember, that pony had been Applejack.

And now she lay there, unable to move as tears clouded her eyes. She closed her eyes, softly. She wasn't going to try and crush the tears, it wouldn't work, and it would only make Rarity worry more. As her eyes shut, she felt a warmth on her flank. Rarity folded her legs, lying on the floor right next to her beloved. The emerald eyes fluttered open and she looked at her wife beside her.

"Ah, come on Sugarcube. Ah just need a nice hot bath. Ah'm all dusty and sweaty from doing real work all day." The unicorns eyes welled with unshed tears at the words of the mare next to her. Even the old joke, their oldest in fact, couldn't do more than bring a sad smile to her lips. The very first time the two of them had actually sat down and talked they had gotten into an argument, to noponies surprise. They had been so silly back then, so young. They may have been mares in body, but in their hearts, they were still fillies. They had been untouched by love, by heartache and sorrow, by the simple joy of being next to the one they loved. In short, they had been untouched by growing up, regardless of what their bodies determined was meant to happen.

Now they sat together once more, lying on the floor of the Boutique. Rarity laid her head on the strong shoulders beside her, still rippling with firm muscle beneath the orange fur. AJ tried to return the gesture, the simplest, truest expression of feeling that they had. She tried, and tried again. The pain the movement caused was just unbearable. After the fourth try, her face a rictus, contorted in strain, she stopped. She let her head drop, panting explosively.

"Applejack. Sweetheart, please. What is wrong? This isn't the first time I've come in to find you on the floor, barely able to move your head, now you can't even do that. Darling, what is it?"

"Ah, Ah'm sorry Ra-"

"NO! Don't you ever say your sorry. Ever. It isn't your fault, whatever it is. Just don't. Don't say that. I. I don't think I could stand it if you said that." The last words were nearly lost in the sniff of the unicorn, in a vain attempt to remain composed. A warm tear dropped onto the warm back beneath her, and its sisters soon followed.

"Ah, oh horsefeathers," She broke off, panting, face screwed up in pain once more. "Ah, hurt. Oh, sweet Celestia. I hurt Rare. Every time I move, it hurts so much." the language of pain is universal, just like the language of the heart. And neither held an accent. In the growling defiance of the searing lances of pain driving into her shoulder, her accent left, leaving only a clipped, perfect diction.

"Oh, darling. Why didn't you say anything? Come on, lets get you in a bath."

"I don't need any-"

"Shut up. Now, this will hurt, but I'm going to help you up."

Dear Applebloom

It has been a dreadfully long time since we last spoke, and scarcely less time has passed since our last correspondence. For that, you have my sincerest apologies. I am told of you exploits in the realms of Academia. I wish you well in your endeavors, and that there will at some point be a goal to your studies.

As for the ponies here, I am well enough. I recently filled a truly horrific commission from Fillydephia. Some senile old goat wanted a very large order of identical suits made. Maid outfits of all things. Oh, when I speak of him as a goat, I mean it in the most literal way, though he is peculiar in that all of the suits were designed for ponies. One really must wonder as to the nature of the maids cleaning services in such a case mustn't one?

Sweetie Belle is now engaged, if you can believe it. Though I have little doubt you can not guess as to her paramour. Diamond has become a quite gentle, sweet young mare, not unlike you yourself have become. Do not assault me for the comparison, I beg, for she truly has become an entirely different mare now. I for one, and Sweetie Belle agrees with me, that it was Silver Spoon who was the horrific influence on the poor filly.

Your sister is well, she is still managing the farm on her own. Caramel and the rest of the seasonal hands all moved to Appleoosa to help your cousin Breaburn with that small hamlet. Now there is nopony to help her, though that is more her own fault than any machinations of cosmic scale. She is simply too stubborn for her own good, it will be the death of her one day. If she would but ask for my assistance, I would gladly work alongside her. Sweetie can handle the bulk orders well enough, and I'm sure I could be of assistance. But alas, you know your sister at least half as well as I, and nopony who knows her would ever accuse her of begging for charity.

Scootaloo vanished several weeks ago, without a word to anypony. She left a note pinned to Rainbow's door saying she was going to meet up with her love, and confess her feelings. She said that if she waited any longer, her heart would burst. Can you believe it? So many ponies finding love. Let us simply hope that it is not Silver Spoon. With that, how is your own love life coming along? Surely you have every stallion in the College panting after you, tongues dragging on the floor. Such uncouth, ungentlecoltish behavior, as I have learned from experience, is all that one can expect from stallions. With some exceptions, but it seems all the stallions like Fancy Pants are occupied. Such a sweetheart, did you know he intends to ask Fluer de Lis to marry him? He even commissioned me to make all the gowns, I'm working on the bridal gown right now as a matter of fact.

Where was I? I apologize for the holes, Opal seems to have developed a fondness for paper recently. Ah yes.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are still insisting that they feel nothing for each other, even though everypony can see the blatant lie there. With a touch of aid from yours truly, they found themselves in a secluded alcove during the last Gala. They seemed to enjoy simply walking around the Gardens the entire evening. And you know Rainbow Dash, the only time she walks is when she can't fly. One could posit that a very tight leash is keeping her grounded.

Pinkie Pie is her usual self, which is to say completely insane, amusing, and happy at all times. Apart from that, there isn't much to say, she hasn't had a relapse in almost a year, though the most recent one was... horrible. Snips will have those scars for the rest of his life, and Snails hasn't spoken a full sentence in the intervening time that hasn't begun with "Momma says-". I must confess, in writing if not in person. At times, I am afraid of "Momma". You weren't there the first time, you were already at College. It was, hideous. If you see Scootaloo, ask her to show you her scars. I have to lock every door and window before I can sleep, afraid she'll relapse that night, and choose my house. AJ would die protecting me, and from the aftermath, "Momma" might just kill her if she tried.

I see the edge of the paper nearing, and Applejack should be home sometime soon.

With all my love,
And your sisters,

Rarity

"Ah'm sorry Rare. Ah know this isn't what you wanted."

"Darling, what are you talking about? You just had a hard day, there's no need to apologize. I just want you to feel better. I love you, you stubborn twit, and I hate seeing you hurting."

"Ah'm sorry about that too, but that ain't what Ah meant. I'm sorry for, for this." A hoof cleared the water, waving about gently. Rarity leaned in, pressing against the strong back of her beloved, and pushed the hoof down once more.

"Hey. I said no moving until the bath is over didn't I?"

"Yesam."

"Then stop sweetheart. I don't want to watch you suffer any more, and don't think I didn't see you wince. Blood of the Moon AJ, you need to rest. You are not going to work tomorrow, we're going to spend the entire day at the spa. You've earned it."

"Sugarcube, that sounds great, but Ah need to go. Ah've gotta help Granny Smith with the zap apple harvest, an she can't do all of it herself no more. An then there's those saplings Breaburn needs in Appleossa that Ah need to take special care of. An-"

"Shut up. Just. Just please stop it." Applejack's back shook as Rarity began to sob silently behind her, the racking exhalations pressing her chest into the farmer. Gently, she placed her head over the orange shoulder, tilting to the side and rubbing her cheek against her lovers. "I hate seeing you hurting. Those to can go buck themselves for all I care, you are taking the day off."

"Ah don't need to-"

"Stand up."

"What?"

"Stand up. If you can't even do that, then you can't work. So lets see, stand up."

"Rarity, that ain't the poin-"

"Stand. Up." The growl came out through clenched teeth and even Applejack flinched at the anger in the voice.

"Ah can't. Ah can't get up Rare, and you know it."

"Then why are you so stubborn? Why are you being so stupid?"

"BECAUSE YOU DESERVE BETTER!" The shout silenced both mares, the echos of the bellow rebounding throughout the small bathroom. "Rarity, you're smart, you're beautiful, your so kind to everypony. Don't you get it? I'm a farmer. I work with my hooves, I get dirty and sweaty and filthy every day just so I can keep the farm running You deserve better, a Prince or a Lord or something. I've seen the way you look at those letters from Canterlot, asking you to go to balls and what not. I know you want to, but you can't. Because if I'm here. The mare you said you'd love forever. I'm keeping you in this little town, not the big city like where you want to go. And damn it all, now I can't even do that! I'm useless, I, I just want." The rest was cut off by a choked sob, the farmer finally breaking.

The pain was almost a balm to her as her shoulder quaked with her tears, her panting sobs.She deserved it. She was cruel and selfish, keeping the pony she loved from doing what she loved. Rarity lived for fashion, for society, for class. And what could Applejack give her? A life of constant stress, always struggling to make ends meet. Pain and heartache, over and over. Rarity was worth more than what the farmer could give her.

"You think I want that? Sweetheart, I would trade the entire kingdom to have you. Don't you ever think anything else. Ever."

Distal Agony

A beam of sunlight seared her eyes as Applejack awoke. As usual, everything felt relaxed. She felt like she could go running again, buck apples until dusk three days from now, and still follow her friends on another crazy adventure.

She hated the feeling. It was some cruel joke of reality to give her such a feeling of almost preternatural strength. She knew that the moment she moved from that spot, twitched so much was a hoof, the pain would return. It was horrible, becuase in that one moment, she felt like she was young again. She wasn't old, none of them were. Barely forty years old this spring. And it seemed like even old Liverspots was more active than she was. The ancient pony was pushed ninety, and he was still out every day, walking around like Bob's your uncle.

And here she was, the brave, the strong Applejack, paragon of the Apple Family, was afraid to move. She was afraid to lose that feeling, the brief knowledge that she could do anything. Because the only thing worse than the pain was watching that dream dissolve in tears once more. Tears because of the pain of her muscles, and the even greater pain as once more, her heart broke.

Now she lay in her room, the same one she had grown up in, had shared with Applebloom. The same room where she had
first kissed Rarity, where she had...

No. Its too late to regret the past. And its too late to be waiting around in bed, Get your lazy flank up girl.

And so, the daily hell began anew. At the very least, she could move on her own now. It had been mortifying to need Applebloom and... It had been horrible to need the assistance. She should be better than the pain, she knew that. She had lived with the pain of pulled muscles and strains since the time she could walk, running around picking up stray apples. Back then, well, back then she could run, she could smile. Back then she didn't have to cry.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she rolled onto her side, then slid out of the bed. The arrhythmic clop of her hooves on the cedar floor showed her slow, and only somewhat steady, path to the bathroom. Her morning ritual for the past five years. Wake up, move to the bathroom. Soak. Today was no different.

The water in the tub was steaming, the temperature so high that Applejack could barely stand it. As one foot entered the water, she bit back yet another cry. She had formed a considerable talent for swallowing gasps and moans of pain in the last few years, and now almost nothing escaped but a tightening around her eyes. The near scalding water was not playing very nicely with her cold hoof though, the leg had been outside of the numerous blankets she cocooned herself in each night. As such, it had been pleasantly numb to the pain of movement. Now however, as usual, the respite had ended, and the pain once more pounced, biting down hard in revenge for her attempted evasion.

She placed another hoof on the steps that led into the large tub set in the floor, and reflected on the irony. They had installed the steps so that Granny Smith could soak while they worked. But the last thing she had done for her family, before her body became her mortal enemy, was to buy a new hip for her Grandmother. Now, the old green mare could scamper about like a filly, like Applejack once had. And instead, it was the healthy, young pony that needed the assistance.

"Hey sis, are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine Applebloom. Thank you for worrying, but I, I just need to be alone for a time." One of the only benefits of being bedridden most of the time, she finally had time to read. And talk. She talked a lot nowadays, though only rarely with ponies she actually liked.

Mostly, she talked to doctors. Stupid little arrogant sons of- well, annoying ponies who had no idea what they were talking about. Every single one of them told her that the pain was only in her head. She wished it was only in her head, then she could harness it, control it, then beat the thing into a bloody pulp for ruining her entire life. The doctors had no idea how much she hurt, all the time. All they said was "You show symptoms of acute muscular stress, and a constant pattern of muscular contraction, which exacerbates the situation. In other words, you keep moving the muscles, so they hurt. Iff you would stop, then the pain would go away."

Every single one of the pretension, suppositious 'experts' repeated the same line of manure, and expected her to keep on swallowing. Fluttershy had been the only pony to examine her who was honest. "I'm so so very sorry Applejack. I, I just don't know whats wrong. I can't find any damage, but there has to be some. I know how much you hurt, but I... I can't help you." The pegasus had left, tears falling and locked herself in her cottage for almost three days. According to Rainbow, she had spent the entire time sobbing to her or Angel, hating herself for stealing the hope that her friend had placed in her.

Rainbow and Fluttershy still visited, once a week they would come over and spend most of the day with her. They would talk, sit around and reminisce. Occasionally, they would play a word game or tell jokes. It wasn't like she could go haring off on an adventure anymore. Twilight came over every other day, in part to renew the spell she had placed on the tub that kept the water in it always hot, and to spend time with her friend. Ever since Pinkie...left, those three and her sister where the only ponies she wanted to see.

She still loved Granny Smith and Big Mac, but that didn't mean she didn't hate them. It was unfair of her, cruel even, but it was still true. They were the real reason her life had imploded, whether they meant it to happen or not. They should have known that this would happen if they expected one mare to care for an entire farm by herself. It was almost too much for both her and Big Mac, and that was with Granny Smith taking care of the Zap Apples. Alone, tending the bumper crops and rigorous, almost ritual needs of the Zap Apples, in addition to helping others and selling the crop, she was spread thin. What was the line Twilight had quoted? 'I'm old. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. Like butter that scraped over too much bread.' Something like that anyway. It was the perfect line, it was exactly how she felt.

And now, here she was, sitting neck deep in a tub of water hot enough to make her long hair curl where it wasn't in the water. She never bound her mane anymore, there was no need. Since she wasn't working, the only reason to had been to annoy Rarity, and now... there, there wasn't even that.

The wall that she hid behind cracked, and a single tear escaped the dam. Applejack couldn't remember the last time she had cried. No. That wasn't true. She could remember perfectly, but she didn't want to. She couldn't cry anymore right now, she might not be able to stop if she did.

Slowly, she stepped out of the tub of water, the wet hair of her tail and mane hanging limp in the air. In the water, the blonde strands had billowed about her in a cloud of gossamer, but now it just hung there. Just like-

A sharp thwap sounded, and she winced. The blond tail had slapped against her side, hard. Hard enough to bruise no doubt, not that she would notice. What was more pain at this point? Besides, nopony would get close enough to see it through the orange fur.

For a moment, she yearned for somepony to look at her again. To really look at her. It had been... quite some time since the last pony had seen her and not her body. They only saw the surface, the strong mare who could do anything. Even her friends saw only the pain that same strong mare was in. None of them saw her, the real her. Nopony looked, or they would have seen a filly curled in a corner, crying over a cut leg. She had been a strong mare, and was still trapped in that body, young and capable. But now she was that filly, asking for her long dead mother to make the pain go away.

"Sis, you've been in there for almost an hour. You have an appointment in Canterlot today, and you need to leave soon. I've got us seats on the train, but we need to get going."

"I'll be finished in a moment Applebloom. I just... need to dry off." Even now, the Element of Honesty couldn't lie, not to her sister. She did need to dry off, it was just that her mane and body were already done. Her face would be dry in a few moments, the salty tracks would be unnoticed. Nopony would come that close.

Dearest Applejack,

I'm sorry my love. I cannot do this any more. I can't sit and watch you in so much pain. Applejack, dearheart, you know that I love you. I will always love you. That is why I have to leave. It is killing me to watch you like this, especially when... when I remember what we once had. All those times we would stay awake all night, just talking to each other. The times we would stay up doing other things. I wish that I had the courage to tell you this myself, but I can't. I can't cause you any more pain. I'm leaving my love, goodbye.

I'm so very sorry beloved, know that you are always in my heart.

Rarity

The letter, old and worn still sat next to Applejack's bed, stained by tears both new and old, written and shed.

"DAMN IT!" Applebloom swore, kicking a hoof at the wall. Another doctor who didn't have any idea what was wrong. "If he would take his head out of his rear for half a second, he'd know you weren't faking this.

"Applebloom. You shouldn't talk like that."

"I know that sis, but I can't help it, they just make me so..." The mare trailed off, her voice dying in her throat. "Come on, I wanted to go meet Scootaloo while we're here." She knew that mane. Nopony besides that evil... thing, would spend so much time on their mane. It had to be her.

"Applebloom." The voice had gone dead, empty and flat. Applebloom had heard that voice before, whenever she was mentioned. "You saw her didn't you?" The sad eyes stared out from the young face, the age the pain had given the emerald irises at odds with the rest of her body. Applejack had stopped, staring down the hall where Applebloom had watched the purple tail whip around the corner.

At that moment, Applebloom began to believe in miracles. Her sister did the impossible. She ran. She sprinted down the hall, ignoring the screaming agony as her muscles protested boisterously. At the corner she whirled, chasing after the amethyst tail the barest flicker of color at the end of the hall giving away the pony. Her eyes wide, in pain or longing, Applejack didn't know, she pelted down the hall.

There she was, talking to a brown unicorn, Doctor Salts. The white flank was still perfect, like the rest of the beautiful mare. The diamonds seemed to glisten in the low light that illuminated the halls of the Canterlot Hospital. Applejack charged, tears falling to the floor behind her.

In the moment before Applejack reached her, Rarity turned. In that instant, annoyance vanished. It was replaced by perfect horror, the sight of her beloved forcing her ravaged body into motion tearing open the old scars her heart had labored to hide. Then they were on the ground, Applejack was on top of her. Kisses and tears rained on the stunned unicorn, punctuated by vicious blows to her chest. And for that moment, time stopped, pain vanished, and hearts that were broken fit together seamlessly. Rarity was with her again. Everything would be better soon.

Torpid Farewells

"Do you have any idea how much you hurt her when you left?" Rarity quivered under the verbal assault, cowering back into the chair. There was no pity in the green eyes, Applebloom went on. "You tore her heart out and took it with you. It nearly killed her. She stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped caring! Can you even begin to understand how much pain you caused? Celestia's merry white tits, she almost died when she stopped eating!"

The blasphemy, from the mouth of Applebloom of all ponies, was shocking. Not in the least because the mentioned Princess was standing not ten long steps away, plainly shocked either at the use of the language, or its existence in general. Not every pony is endowed with their own epithetical grammar devoted specifically to them. Every eye in the small house was locked on the pair, a middle age unicorn cowering before a young, brash, and strong earth pony. Everypony, even Rarities old friends began to sidle slowly away, eager to exit the blast radius.

"I- I'm so-"

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU'RE SORRY!" The yellow mare screamed, advancing on her enemy. Because enemies they had surely become. Rarity had left her sister with a note, and abandoned her, abandoned everypony. Applejack's heart wasn't the only one to break that day, they had all been hurt by the departure. All of that hurt, not only on behalf of her sister, but for herself as well as every pony assembled, Applebloom screamed at Rarity. "YOU AREN'T SORRY! IF YOU WERE THEN YOU'D HAVE COME BACK!"

A gentle, but firm, hoof pressed into her shoulder, and Applebloom turned to see Princess Celestia standing behind her. The soft, warm wing covered the enraged mare, like the soothing touch of warm water after a long day. "Hush, my little pony. It wasn't her fault, it was noponies fault."

"Like hell it wasn't!"

"Applebloom, calm down. We're all upset, but you can't go and attack Rarity." Scootaloo came up to the business pony, gently laying one warm, orange wing against the yellow fur. Then she glared at Rarity. "Even if she does deserve it."

"Mommy, why are they all yelling?"

It should have been a sign, that nopony would step up to defend the sobbing unicorn from the verbal assault, not even her friends. Sometimes, those you care for the most hurt you, and that pain is by far the worst.

"My little ponies, please leave. I believe that Rarity needs some time to recuperate after... everything that has happened. Go, live life. Don't let the pallor of death linger overlong on your minds." At the words of the white alicorn, the assembled ponies began to trickle out the door. Applejack had been beloved by the town her family had helped found, and her passing was marked by many tears from many ponies.

"I had no choice. I- He made me."

"Sugarcube, what are you talking about? Who made you do what? And what does it matter, we're back together. After all these years, I found you again. I love you Rarity, I never stopped."

"No. Don't say that. I'm not worth that. I, I'm not staying Applejack, I'm not. I've... found someone else. I'm perfectly, happy, with my new life. Anything was better than that mudhole of a town. Did you really think I would stay there forever. You said it yourself, I deserve better. What could you offer me. A farmer, a common laborer, marry the premiere fashion designer in all of Equestria? Ha." The words were brittle, a hard gaze could shatter them into trace particles. They were hollow, but then, they needn't be anything more. A hollow dart can release its poison just as effectively, and Rarity was an expert markspony. Applejack reared back as if bitten, stumbling away from her beloved.

And she didn't stop stumbling until her legs gave out, and she fell to the floor with a cry. We all close our eyes in pain, for fear of seeing ourselves so weak, so vulnerable. Had Applejack not, then she would have seen the mask shatter for a moment. Rarity jerked, and only resisted the impulse to rush to Applejack's side by remembering what was at stake that night. She had to be strong, for both of them. Even if it meant she had to destroy her beloved, she would save her. "Besides, do you know why I came here today? I'm pregnant Applejack. I am going to bare the son of Prince Blueblood. Then I will be royalty. Just like I always dreamed. I don't want you anymore."

An observant pony would have noticed the tense back, muscles twitching in protest to the words. They might have noticed too that the unicorn would not look anywhere near the mare sprawled on the floor, stunned by pain and grief. Only a fool would have failed to notice the tears though. Large and pearlescent, rolling down the white face like wraiths, the only trace of their passing the furrows they matted in her fur, and the gouges they cut in her heart.

"Rare, Su-"

"Shut up. I don't want you Applejack, I have somepony new, I have a foal coming, and I can finally move on with my life. you should go see your doctor now, I'm sure they can help you."

And she strode out of the room. But only just. She ducked into the closet next to the room she had vacated, leaving Applejack, her beloved Applejack, lying on the floor. Nothing in her life could ever match that moment, that was when she found out just how hard it can be to be in love. For an ageless moment, she sat on that floor, as unable to stand as the pony not ten feet from her. She sat, and she wept. What she had done was... unforgivable. Not even, not even her heart can forget that. Oh my sweet Applejack, I'm so sorry. I had too.

"What do you mean you had too? You left her lying there. She tried to kill herself because you did that to her. How would you like Sweetie Belle to walk in on you lying there with half you leg cut open? What about that... thing."

"YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!" Rarity screamed, pulling her foal, a young green filly, to her chest. "She, she has nothing to do with this."

"I think she does Rarity. Every breath that thing takes is like spitting in her face. How could you do that to her."

"I hated, hate, Blueblood. Applebloom, you aren't stupid. Think for a moment, stop yelling. Your scaring Jilt. Its okay baby, Mommy's got you. Shh." Rarity trailed off, cooing to the filly she still held close to her.

"He... must have coerced you into it. You were successful, eligible, and rubbed shoulders with ponies like Fancy Pants. And he wanted an heir."

"He said that he would fund the doctors to find a cure for Applejack."

"But he didn't. She never got any better. They all said, the same... Oh."

"Quite. I took a peek at his accounts. He was sending all that money to pay for... parties. So I killed him. Poison, if you want to know. He didn't deserve any better. And I should have done it sooner. Then... then we could have had more time. After his untimely demise, I became the sole possessor of his fortune, and I immediately transferred as many bits as I could to as many doctors were willing. Then I found out, that it was all too late. And, and that she died alone. I should have been there."

Shocked silence greeted the unicorn. Revulsion at the creature sitting before them, even as tears streaked silently down her face, they saw only a monster, a murderer. Even the Princess recoiled at the admission, but the sick fear the assembled ponies felt had little to do with the fact of the murder. It was the cold, careless tone with which the words were spoken. A pony should choke and gag even at the mention of death, it was a terrible thing. And here was a unicorn, in the middle of her life, wealthy and now noble in fact as well as baring, speaking flatly about the most heinous thing that could be done.

She was a Pariah, a monster in the guise of the sweet loving mother, the heartbroken lover, and they had seen its fangs gleam. but one pony stepped forward as the others withdrew, and a gentle yellow hoof rested on the white shoulder, as Applebloom's green eyes gazed into Rarity's. What shone through the eyes, once deep, brilliant blue, but now shards of razor edged glass, was only pain. Pain for her betrayal, and pain for her beloved, the pain of a mother who's child was forced upon her, and the pain of admission, of speaking her sins to the world. Behind that lay purity and conviction, the unshaking determination to do whatever was needed, and never flinch away. But something writhed behind that wall of determination, the armor she donned. Somewhere in that cold, determined mare, was her mirror image, broken and bleeding on the ground, heart ripped from her body. The pain of betraying the one you love more even than your own life's blood, of hurting your beloved.

"Rarity. Rarity you... She never hated you. You ripped her heart out, a trampled all over it, but she never hated you. She loved you until the last. She, she had me read to her. At the end. A letter, two letters. One stained with blood." her voice broke completely, and the facade of strength with which she had armored herself against the world shattered like so much glass. Tears poured form the green eyes, and Scootaloo started towards her, only to be stopped by a golden tipped white leg. "And, and the other... with tears. It was the first letter you sent, and Rarity. She, she held on until... until the last."

Dearest Applejack

You know of course Darling that I am in Canterlot. How can you not after all, I did make rather much of it didn't I? For that I apologize, it was uncouth and ridiculous of me. May I beg you for your forgiveness, possibly offering a minor bribe?

For I hear tell, from no less a pony than the Princess herself, that it is Twilight's birthday this week. We both know Pinkie Pie, such a dear, but her parties can get rather, wild, after a certain time of the night. Rather than watch the attempted debaucheries at that time, may I pray ask your accompanying me on a stroll? There are matters with which I simply must attend to when I return, and among them, I wish to speak with you.

Oh, but where are my manners? You must not think less of me Darling, you simply must not. Having already introduced my own bequest however, I needs must describe my stay and all that has occurred. Of most interest is that of my meeting none other than Fancy Pants himself. The pony has such carriage, such style, and he is the perfect gentlecolt. I had the great good fortune, though I doubt his feelings reciprocated at the time, of actively bumping into him while searching for dress supplies in Canterlot. Though obviously discomposed he and his... amour? Companion? Miss Fluer de Lis anyway, were perfectly kind even aiding in my retrieving a few items that seemed bent on freedom.

Since that moment, I have scarcely been away from his side, and you could simply not believe the sheer number of events we have attended. A Wonderbolt Derby, though please do not tell Rainbow Dash, I am sure she will talk of nothing else near me for a year at least if you do, and silencing her tongue is a task for the Princesses themselves at the best of times. There were art shows and operas, and oh Darling, I know you don't care much for them, but they were simply marvelous. In the short time I have been here, I truly do feel I have made a fast friend in Fancy Pants, and perhaps one in Fluer as well.

Needless to say, they would be strategically placed to aid in my fashion line, one as a backer, and the other as a model. I cannot pretend for one moment that such thoughts had not occurred to me, though it does shame me. Which brings me to a less pleasant aspect of the nobility. By comparison to our friends in general, and you in particular... Darling, I hesitate to use such language even in print, but they are absolutely horrid. Truly, I do not believe that a more callous, shallow, distasteful group of ponies could exist. They are abominable, in the worst possible way. They treat those with whom they can betray and use as their boon companions and their oldest friends, but I tell you it is all a lie. They treat each other like ravening dogs over a bone, constantly yapping and biting.

One of them, an old grey mare by the name of Gracious Charity, and I cannot stress how antagonistic her personality is with regards to the name, was of a particularly vile bent. I had but to see the way she treated her "friends" while I was there to stoutly rebuff her when she approached me. Nonetheless, manners being what they are, I was unable to dissuade her from accompanying me across town for days, antagonizing me nonstop. It wasn't until Fluer treated me to a positively divine dinner that I finally rid myself of her company.

I will say this for the mare, she certainly does know how to show a mare a very good time. She was unflinchingly kind, even unto the point of social disgrace. But, I believe at least, and I know many share my opinion, that Miss Fluer is a league upon herself. She has an amazing control of herself, and even her kindness is not immune to such rigorous command. Instead of being shackled though, it transcends, it becomes so much more. You see all of the kindness, the sweet, simple beauty of her soul bared to you, and you know that it is but a fraction of her true heart. In many ways, she reminds me of you. Always caring, always helping, though I do suspect that you may very well have formed your own opinions as to the ability of anypony not wearing your ridiculous hat can be of but little use at the best of times.

Oh, dear me. I see I have begun to ramble. Sleep is called for, in large quantities I do believe. The candle I write this by is but a stub now, and I do believe the maid will be cross with me for allowing such a slight to pass. She shall suffer in silence though, for to send you a letter, I would dare the wrath, maybe not of the Princesses, but at the very least of an outraged maid. I plan to leave well before she cleans the room in any case, I hear such wonderful tales of the Wonderbolts training sessions. After all, what fun is there in having hair as luxurious as mine if not to let it down on occassion?

As I said before, please think about my offer, it is a matter, maybe not of life and death, but at the very least between happiness and regret. It is not something I can handle on my own, and I need a friend. Not now, but I will when I see you next, I am sure.

With an open heart,

Rarity.