Doctor Derpicus and The Search for the Wagon
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Doctor Derp and the Unpleasantly Pernicious Visitation to the Ville of Pony
Doctor Derpicus and The Search for the Wagon
The writer would like to state that he was given a new sheet of notes and an apology. An apology which may or may not have contained ten bits. He questions how a cat comes to have any amount of money, but Bootsy assures him that Doctor Dirpicus' plans do work and that is how he got them. However, the writer thinks it is more believable that they instead asked for it from Goldie.
But I digress.
It was a very unpleasant journey, but then again, Doctor Derpicus hated to travel. All because of that blasted invitation. Once a year this happened, where the feeder would receive some sort of letter, inviting her to the dreaded reunion. Honestly, how does she expect him to function? But here they were, in the Ville of Pony...it had far to many ponies, and not enough cats. He was annoyed that he was only able able to bring Bootsy, Whiskers, and the new kitten, Oscar.
Goldie was making her way through the town, and then they passed the dreaded place. The Carousel Boutique. It made Doctor Derpicus cringe at the mere sight of it. “Sir? Who's that cat there in the window?”
“That's Opal,” Bootsy beat him to answering. “She's not on our side.”
“So she's a neutral?” He said, watching her. She watched them in return.
“No. She's against us,” Doctor Derpicus said, staring at her. “But she will not interfere so long as we do not disturb her. But...she is not who I am worried about.”
“Sir?” Oscar looked around, unsure of what to watch out for.”
“There are things here, in the Ville of Pony, that I would much rather avoid. I do not enjoy coming here, but nor will I be left behind.” It was a matter of pride. Goldie only took her favorite cats with her to the reunions. “But, shush. We cannot allow the ponies to become aware of our ability to speak.”
There was another pony coming towards them. It was the orange one. He had thought that she had looked familiar when she had come to the lair, but he couldn't be bothered with remembering it. “Well howdy Goldie, glad you could make it!”
“I wouldn't miss it for the world, Applejack,” Goldie said, smiling at Applejack.
“Well, just you try and stay awake this time. It took us all day to find you sleeping out in the orchard.” This conversation had no interest to Doctor Derpicus and he motioned to the other three, whom hopped down. They walked, or perhaps sauntered over behind the barn.
“Any sighting, Bootsy? Whiskers?” He almost looked like he was panicked.
“Sighting of what?” They all froze.
Doctor Derpicus turned slowly, to see the bright eyed collie, smiling at him. “Oh dear.” He cleared his throat as all of them backed away. “Agent Winona.”
She scratched herself behind the ear. “Doctor Derpicus. I'm so glad that you could make it. I've missed you.” Still, she smiled.
A dog. Why was there this dog? This was almost the worst part of coming here. Almost. The dog could be dealt with. Put up with even. Useful at times, if not a tad dense. To her there was no such thing as good or evil. At least he knew she would never get his name wrong. “Yes well...you know how it is. We live quite far apart.”
Suddenly she was on her feet, hunched down and tail wagging back and forth. “Are we going to play?”
“No!” He went rigid and then shook himself. “No. No we are not, Agent Winona. We are going to be calm.”
“But I want to play.” That word was horrible. It meant running. Running as fast as he could, lest he be tackled by this blasted dog.
“Yes well, I'm too tired to play,” he glanced back at the other three cats, who all froze. It was as if he was deciding their fate. Surely he couldn't risk Bootsy being injured but perhaps... Ah yes. “Oscar? Please be so kind as to entertain Agent Winona.”
Bootsy leaned slightly towards the rigid tuxedo. “That means run for your life.”
Oscar bolted, running as fast as he could. And Winona gave chase. Doctor Derpicus almost felt bad, but every cat had to run eventually. If he was smart, he would hide. If he was not so smart, he would let her catch him. It was very much like a test. “I hate this place,” he muttered as the three of them stalked off towards the town.
“But sir, this is the best time to procure valuable resources personally,” Whiskers said, standing to his side and a few steps behind him.
“Ah, yes. Yes it is.” He looked around. This Ville of Pony was indeed quite a treasure trove of things. They had avoided the first biggest problem so far, and the second was being distracted. Now there was only-
“Hello Doctor Derpicus.” The three of them froze again. How such a soft voice could cause so much panic within him was a great mystery.
“F-Fluttershy,” he said, turning slowly, but not looking at her. Anything but looking at her. Not when there was the possibility of the stare.
“I know I wont have to ask you to not cause problems.”
He shook his head vigorously side to side. “N-no. Of course not. I wouldn't dream of doing anything around here.”
She smiled at him. “Good.” With that she walked away.
Doctor Dirpicus felt immensely relieved to see her leave. To be honest he didn't have any plans to cause trouble around here, merely to scout for supplies. He wouldn't actually take anything, merely gather up a few things in the barn and then send a few minions to retrieve it. Oh but that would be incredibly difficult without the wagon, which was their first task: retrieval. “Right, Bootsy?”
She jumped slightly. “Y-yes sir?” Fluttershy had had an effect on her as well.
“Begin reconnaissance. You are to head into town and scout for suitable supplies.”
She stood straight and saluted. “Yes sir!” She bounded off around the corner of the barn.
“Whiskers?” The cat was cowering still. “Whiskers!”
He leaped up several feet and ran in a circle before stopping abruptly and staring at Doctor Dirpicus. “Yes sir?”
This would hopefully not be a problem. “We are to avoid Fluttershy at all costs. With Oscar occupied with Agent Winona we will have to look for the wagon on our own. Remember, this is just a scouting mission.”
He saluted as well and they both slowly made their way around the barn. “Will Oscar be alright?”
“Agent Winona wont harm him...much.” It would be good training for the new blood. “First we must find the location of the wagon.” He looked up at the barn a moment and then around the area. He had not seen the wagon on their way in, so the barn was the most obvious place. But it was closed. “Whiskers, find a way in.”
Again Whiskers saluted and ran around the corner of the building. There was a loud rumble that caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. He could see clouds off in the distance and that irritated him. Clouds meant rain. He spotted Goldie and trotted quickly towards her. She was talking with the orange pony once again. “...quiet all the time. I rather enjoyed your visit.”
Doctor Derpicus hopped up onto Goldie who made a soft noise and looked back him. “Ask about the wagon,” he muttered softly to her, making sure the other pony could neither see or hear him.
“Oh yes. That reminds me.” Goldie turned back. “What have you been doing with my old wagon? Putting it to good use, yes?”
He watched the other pony nod. “Of course. Applebloom was using it just this mornin'. Left it out by the old treehouse.”
“That old thing is still up? I'm surprise it-”
Doctor Derpicus lost interest and jumped down, trotting back to the barn. “Whiskers!” he hissed into a gap in the door. “Get out here, now.”
There was no answer.
“Blast it...” He walked around the barn and tried to find where he had even gone in. There was an open window next pile of hay. He hated physical work, but this had to be done. “Whiskers!” He called into the barn once he had climbed up onto the windowsill. For some reason Whiskers was nowhere to be found. He could see the inside of the barn and the inside of the door, but there was no sign of him.
That was the biggest problem with his minions, they were easily distracted and they were hard to rely on. He would just have to find the wagon himself. If he wanted things done right, he had to do them himself. It was a bit of a struggle to get down the hay pile and back onto solid ground, he had hay stuck in his fur now that he would have to work out later.
He knew where the tree house was, as he had used it as a base at one point until it was too dangerous for him to actually store anything there. The apple trees always bugged him, because they all looked the same and they grew. Plants were annoying like that, over time they change. Maybe he could change that? It would take a mere change in the chemical structure and- ...there are a lot of notes on this here...and it's mildly scary.
But eventually he reached the treehouse and there bellow it was the wagon. Even if the mirror plan had been ruined by Daring Doo, the wagon was still extremely useful and he had other plans that required it. Unfortunately it appeared to be full of stuff, but as he hopped up onto the wagon and glanced at it there were things in that could be useful. He would have to have his minions search through it for things that could be used.
Something moved and he froze, staring at the pile. “Who's there?” he said after a moment.
There was a whimper in response and he crawled over a box, looking behind it.
“Agent Winona?” The dog was tied and gagged.
“You got here quicker than I had anticipated.”
Doctor Derpicus stared upwards. “Oscar?! What's the meaning of this?!”
“That's Agent Oscar to you, Doctor Derp.” The tuxedo cat sauntered across the treehouses porch.
“How dare you call me that.” Doctor Derp was up the tree in a flash, but by the time he got up there Oscar was gone. “Where did you go?”
Something hit him hard and he skidded across the porch, grasping at one of the railing support beams. “You still don't get it? Shame. And here I was told you were smart.”
The wagon was bellow him, full of boxes and...sharp things. Oscar had taunted him directly into a trap. “Blast you. I knew I shouldn't have trusted a tuxedo!” He was struggling to pull himself up; too many snacks had fattened and weakened him.
Oscar was standing in front of him. “Fluffy sends her regards.”
He stared up at Oscar as the cat sank his claws into the back of his pause, causing Doctor Derpicus to lose his grip. “Curse you Fluffy!”
That's where the notes end...
