The Many Stages of Choosing A Book

by WorkingClassWriter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2293

As demonstrated by Princess Twilight Sparkle.

In a surprising turn of events, Princess Twilight Sparkle has finished her work for the day. The only logical thing to do is to get a book and read.

The question is...which one?

Published 2015-03-25 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-25 03:30:02 UTC

As Demonstrated By Twilight Sparkle

The Many Stages of Choosing A Book

(As Told By Princess Twilight Sparkle)

0-Getting In The Mood

There was nothing left to do.

Each piece of paperwork had been filed. Every complaint had been addressed. Not a second had been wasted, and at long last, Princess Twilight had nothing else to do at all.

Twilight looked at the clock – surprisingly, it showed the time to be just exactly at 3PM. The sun was still shining, though perhaps not as bright as it did a few hours ago, and fillies were playing outside, free from school at last. It was a few hours before the work day ended. Her friends were probably occupied at the time, she figured. Even Spike was helping Pinkie Pie cook some treats over at Sugarcube Corner for the day.

It occurred to her that there was nopony to talk to.

Which was fine and all. Having friends was wonderful, but sometimes she needed a little time to rest. Despite her being very close to the girls, the logical conclusion she arrived at on her first day of knowing them was not completely false, in her opinion. All the ponies in this town were crazy, at least most of the time, herself included. It was only natural she wanted a break.

What could she do? Perhaps she could take an afternoon nap, but Twilight never really was a fan of afternoon naps. Besides, they didn't fit into her schedule. There wasn't anything particularly noteworthy in the fridge, and while the idea of taking a walk around Ponyville sounded nice, she already had done that at seven.

There was only one other thing to do.

"Alright," the purple mare said confidently, "Time to get reading!"

1-Numbering Your Options

Actually, the title of this step could be quite misleading. First of all, there was no numbering your options. Unless you own but a few books, in which case choosing something to read would be at least relatively easy, it was impossible to number what's available to read.

While it's true that Golden Oaks had its fair share of stories to tell long before she moved into it, the amount of books shelved at the current time compared to the number of books a few years back was considerably greater in number. Even she couldn't count how many novels claimed the library as their home as well as hers overall, despite her organisation skills. She could use an Arithmancy Spell, but those spells were complicated and generally not worth her time.

She looked around the library, admiring the scene. It would be nearly impossible to choose a book. Ponies and Prejudice, The Adventures of Sherclop Pones, The Grimm Stallion's Collection of Fairy Tales, Hoofy Potter...

This wasn't looking good.

2-Narrowing Your Options

"Let's see." Twilight tried to remain calm, despite the circumstances. She can do this, she's picked out books before...

"While I love Sherclop Pones, I've already read it no less than nine times this week," she mused to herself. "Additionally, it's not really the season for A Hearth's Warming Carol, or Ponies and Prejudice for that matter..."

Twilight walked around the library silently, and she observed each shelf and the books they contained. She had three hours before Spike came home, so she she would be able to settle for a medium sized novel, preferably one that doesn't belong in a series (which unfortunately brought Hoofy Potter out of the question). That meant that she can ignore pretty much all the books for fillies and colts, except perhaps fairy tale collections, and she can get rid of books like Anna Clopenina as well.

She decided to get rid of poetry collections too. Poetry was wonderful, but it took her only half an hour to read a volume of it. She wasn't sure about short stories, but Twilight finally decided to exclude them. That still left several shelves, several cabinets, and several books for her to choose from, but it was at the very least it was an improvement – no matter how small.

She frowned and sat down, wiping sweat off her brow with her hoof. She felt awfully hungry.

2.5-Stalling.

As mentioned previously, there really wasn't anything worth getting worked up about in the fridge. There was pizza. Pizza was always good. But it was also messy, and Twilight didn't want sauce to drip over her page as she ate while reading. The very idea of it horrified her.

Instead, she started to dial the Cake's number. (Choosing a pastry to eat was ironically easier than choosing a book to read.)

It was a long time before she heard a voice; most likely because the Cakes don't know how to use the telephone properly yet. When she heard them at last, she was already trying not to look at the clock. "Hello, Miss Cake! Is Spike behaving over there?"

She heard an unsavoury sound in the background and jumped a little.

"...well, he hasn't done anything too bad, Twilight," Miss Cake replied, a bit tentatively. Twilight gulped.

"I'm sorry, Miss Cake," she said nervously. "Do you want me to pay extra for the cake I'm ordering?"

"Oh, no, thank you, Twilight, that's quite alright. Like I said–" Miss Cake seemed to be a bit stressed–"He hasn't done anything that worrying. What kind of cake would you like?"

"Er," Twilight said, thinking of how long Spike would be parted from his action figures for the week. "Something without too much cream or sugar in it, is that alright?"

"Sounds like Cherry Cake will be best for you," the caregiver of the Cake family replied in an assuring tone. "Well, expect the delivery in less than half an hour, alright? See you, dear!"

Before Twilight hung up the phone, she vaguely heard the mare she just talked with shouting "SPIKE! PINKIE! OVER HERE!"

"Oh, Celestia," she murmured before turning back to her books.

3-Considering Each Genre

Was she in the mood for learning?

Well, Twilight was always in the mood for learning. She was a Princess, after all. In her opinion, the day a pony decided to stop learning was a sad, sad, day. However, she didn't seem to be in the mood for learning directly from a textbook or encyclopaedia today. It seemed like fiction was the way to go.

That got rid of an considerable amount of books. Next was the mystery genre. While she did enjoy Sherclop Pones, overall, she wasn't really a big enthusiast regarding the genre, unless you counted Daring Do as a mystery.

Wait... Daring Do...

Twilight rubbed her head. Well, Daring Do could be both considered adventure and mystery, but it was a series. Each book stood out on its own well enough, true, but it was still a series with individual and ongoing storylines. But Daring Do was good...

She felt dizzy.

Well, AK Yearling was a superb writer. She was also an addictive writer, and Twilight wanted to limit herself to one book this afternoon.

There was also fantasy and science fiction. The trouble was that, yet again, those two genres were dominated by franchises, even more so than mystery and adventure. Perhaps they could be possible choices, but were are also at least other options. Romance wasn't so bad, comedy was highly entertaining...

For Twilight Sparkle, Stage #3 wasn't much of an advancement at all.

4-Evaluating Your Choices

"Well," Twilight thought, "out of those four, I like fantasy the most, though I may be slightly biased. I'm not really an avid reader of science fiction, but I do enjoy it... Romance, it honestly depends. And comedy..."

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

4.5-Getting Distracted

"It's only me, Twilight," Pinkie said, looking oddly at the terrified purple mare cowering in the corner. "Twilight, are you alright?"

"O-of course I am, Pinkie," she gasped. "Just a bit shocked by the sudden arrival." She pranced towards the jar on her desks and got five bits out, levitating them into Pinkie's knapsack. "Thank you for the cake, I really appreciate it..."

"Okie dokie!" Pinkie Pie said, before frowning at her.

'Is there something wrong, Pinkie Pie?'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with me," Pinkie said as she handed her the cake. "But my Pinkie Sense tells me that you're preee-tty nervous. Are you worried I poisoned the cake?"

"Of course not!"

"Good!" Pinkie's eyes widened in shock. "I would never poison a cake! Poison flavoured cake would taste awful! And the customers wouldn't even be able to tell me their honest opinion on it!" She gasped Twilight's shoulders. "Don't you agree with me?"

"I-I do, Pinkie," Twilight said, grinning as much as she could. "I know you would never poison me. You're my friend."

"Awwww, Twilight, shucks," Pinkie said, wiping a tear off her face. She hopped a little. "Well, then, I have to go to Sugarcube Corner in a bit. See you, Twi!"

"See you, Pinkie," Twilight said, looking at the cake in the air and feeling relieved. "Tell Spike to behave."

"I will! Oh, maybe you could read a book or two while you're alone!" Pinkie said as she jumped and exited the library.

Twilight's smile froze, and the cake almost dropped to the floor.

5-Realization

"I haven't even picked a book to read yet," she said to herself, in a soft voice.

6-Semi-Panic

It was nearly four. It was possible for her to finish a book in two hours, but what if she spent such a long time wondering which book to read she couldn't start reading anything at all? What if she ended up talking to herself until Spike came home? What if she couldn't even eat the cake Pinkie just gave her?

Well, she could solve at least one of those problems right away. Almost instantly, she put the cake in her hooves and took quick bites of the pastry as fast as she could. There was frosting, but she didn't mind at all. There wasn't any book to mess up in the first place. As Twilight ate, she reconsidered her options again and again.

She was still stuck in what genre of fiction to choose; she wasn't even close to picking the perfect book. It also occurred to her that she had forgotten about other genres – what about historical fiction, drama, or tragedies? Maybe even parodies? Could fairy tales be considered fantasy, or are they a genre on its own? She took another large bite. If she did pick fantasy, would she pick low, high, or urban fantasy?

She had less than half of a cake left now, but she didn't mind. She was too busy asking herself questions. First, second or third person? Past, present, or future? Equestrian or from other cultures? Could she read an allegory? If so, are they to be political or religious allegories? What about genre blenders, where would those fall under?

As Twilight swallowed the last slice of cake, she sunk to the floor, and faced the cold, hard, truth.

She was never going to choose a book.

7-Listening To The Voice Inside Your Head

Twilight was swallowing a glass of water about two or three minutes later, gasping all the while. Still, the hiccups were only a distraction. Pretty soon, she's going to re-enter the hopeless state of choosing a book yet again. She closes her eyes, continuing to drink...

"Just ask a glass of water," she murmured as she reached the last drop.

And, at that precise moment in time, Twilight realised what she was meant to read that afternoon.

"Just ask a glass of water..." she said again as she approached a shelf that was labeled "Science Fiction". She looked up and down for a book, but it yielded no result.

She sighed as she moved toward the left. The section she was at was labeled "Comedy". She searched left and right for the book, and finally, she levitated it out of the cabinet.

8-Decision Time

Twilight smiled as she saw the familiar cover of a planet sticking its tongue out towards the reader, and she recited the titled inscribed on top. 'The Hitchpony's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Stallion.'

She breathed a sigh of relief. The book belonged to a series, true, but the first installment was a classic on its own. Finally, a book that she could read. She opened to the first page, and began to read the title out loud.

"Far out in the uncharted backwaters," she said softly, "of an unfashionable end of one of the western spirals in the galaxy lies a small yellow sun owned by a Princess with a rainbow coloured mane. This heavenly body provides warmth to a land full of ungrateful four legged creatures who complain–" she chuckled–"almost all the time–"

9-Enjoyment

She read on about how these four legged creatures think portable watches are a pretty neat idea, about how unhappy these four legged creatures are, and about how some of these weird, uncontrollable creatures suggest they should have stayed as dogs, maybe even as clouds.

She reads about how an ordinary pony witnesses Equestria ending and how his best friend is really an alien, how get got kidnapped by ape-like creatures who are awfully bad in poetry (where did she hear this one before?), how they discover why Equestria was made in the first place...

She smiled, drinking a cup of coffee as she turned the pages, losing herself in the fun of it all, in the unique, hilarious universe that the author had created. She continued this, refilling her cup of coffee every so often, until about six-thirty, when her assistant arrived back home again – and, by then, she had managed to finish the book.

Which is, quite frankly, very satisfying indeed.