The Quest

by iisaw

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 11064

A brave stallion goes on a quest to save the world by finding a lost princess in an enchanted forest. Things don't work out as he planned.

A brave stallion goes on a quest to save the world by finding a lost princess in an enchanted forest. Things don't work out as he planned.

WARNING: Some spoilers in the comments. Also, a few mild spoilers for the Alicorn Adventure series, though it's not necessary to read those stories to understand this one.

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Published 2015-04-12 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-12 00:20:02 UTC

The Way of the World

The Quest
by iisaw

There are stories that tell of a dark, twisted forest, dripping with evil magic and violent, deadly creatures. In the middle of the forest stands a tower of gray stone, twisting its way upward and sprouting odd balconies, turrets and battlements as if it were some sort of gigantic plant rather than a structure born of the mind of any sane pony. Around the base of the tower coils a huge and fearsome dragon; a guardian of what lies within. Inside the tower is a beautiful princess.

All that is true.

Those same stories usually go on to say that, one day, there will come a brave and noble pony, usually with a magical sword, who will cut through the enchanted woods, slay the dragon, and rescue the princess. The princess will resume her rightful place on her throne and there will be peace and harmony throughout the land.

All that is a huge pile of steaming horseapples, and only an idiot would believe any of it.

An idiot like me.

The train began to slow, its electrovanes hissing on the galvanic rail above. I wondered how many ponies, who had read one of those stories as impressionable foals, went to their deaths believing that such a quest would be an easy one. As far as any reasonable pony was concerned, entering the Everfree Forest was certain suicide.

But that was exactly where I planned to go.

The thermonic valves in the annunciator box at the forward end of my carriage glowed into life and shed a warm orange light as the voice of the conductor filled the air. "Ponyville, next stop. Next stop, Ponyville. All passengers must clear Equestrian customs at this station. Passengers continuing to Canterlot, please remain on board and in your seats. Customs officials will pass through the train shortly."

I levitated my bags down from the overhead rack and put away the book I had been reading. I pulled out my papers and passport as the train slid to a smooth stop at the station.

When I stepped onto the platform, I found that I was one of only three ponies to line up at the customs gate. It wasn't all that surprising; despite its long and interesting history, Ponyville remained a small and relatively unimportant town. With the tense international situation, few ponies traveled to Equestria for the sake of tourism, and the governmental and business types were all headed for the capital.

When it was my turn, the customs officer examined my passport and looked up at me suspiciously, while another officer went through my bags. "What brings you to Ponyville, Mr. Hockwell?"

"Professor Hockwell, actually," I corrected him, using just the right amount of prissiness to add believability to my cover identity without going so far as to seem above my station. "I teach economics at the University of New Baltimare and I've been given permission to do some research in the Ponyville Archives."

"What sort of research? Why do you need to come here yourself? Couldn't whatever information you want be sent to you in New Baltimare?"

"Well, I would have thought so!" I huffed. "But the archivist seems to think it is too much to ask of a fellow academic." I unfolded and passed over the forged letter, which eloquently complained of the impossibility of copying out several decades of Hay Board meeting minutes and exchange rates. As the officer was reading, I launched into a quiet little soliloquy about the economic repercussions of the food riots during the Reunification War in relation to goods tariffs and price-fixing. It took less than a minute for my rehearsed speech to have its desired result: The customs officer hurriedly stamped my passport and waved me through the gate.

I paused in the street to repack my jumbled belongings, paying special attention to the thick volume on tariff regulations. I flipped though it as any pony would, front to back, and saw a perfectly ordinary blur of text and charts. Then I turned it upside down, flipped it over, and opened it again. The hidden space was revealed and I saw that my knife and magical artifacts were still safe.

"Hey, mister!" called a cheerful voice. "Are you lookin' for a ride?"

I snapped the book shut and looked up to see a rather pretty peach-colored earth pony mare leaning against a little electric taxi cab. She had an unruly blond mane pulled back, only partially successfully, into a pony tail. Wispy curls dangled alongside her slightly crooked grin.

"Ah," I said, fumbling with a notebook and peering at it through my half-moon glasses. "I have reservations at the... Paddock Inn. Do you know where that is?"

"Oh, sure! It's all the way on t'other side of Town Hall. Long walk." She grinned and tapped a hoof against the side of her cab.

I forced myself not to grin. "I see. Well, I suppose I should engage your services, then. Perhaps you can also point out the town archives?"

"Sure thing! I'll swing by on the way to the inn. Big ol' stone building; you can't miss it. Need help with your bags?"

I swung my luggage into the rear seat of the taxi without comment.

" 'Course not! A big, strong stallion like you," the mare said as she climbed into the driver's seat and flipped the activation lever. The motor crackled and hummed into life, and we sped off.

The mare gave me a running commentary as we went, burbling along happily in her soft country accent, occasionally asking polite questions about my trip and where I was from. She was quite charming and good at subtle flirting, actually; the perfect sort of behavior needed to secure a substantial tip... or allay any suspicion that she was some sort of undercover operative. She was good, but not good enough to fool me.

I gave her all the responses and reactions that a plodding, middle-aged academic with narrow interests would, adding in a few quirky opinions for a slight spice of veracity. I had lived and worked under false identities for so long that it was nearly pure reflex. I could almost hear her composing her report in her head. "Apolitical. Introverted. Harmless." If she discovered what I was carrying with me and what I intended, she'd probably ruin the taxi's upholstery, trained agent or not.

I checked into the inn and then took a walk around town as any tourist might be expected to do. I saw the crystal ruins of the Castle of Friendship and the famous gardens. I visited the town hall and the picturesque clock tower, which both afforded me excellent views of the forest. The day was clear and I could just make out the top of the dark tower rising above the treetops of the Everfree.

I even went by the archives, secure in the knowledge that they would be closed on a Sunday. I peered at the hours posted on the door and frowned. The nearest pony was half a block away, but I didn't let my persona slip for a second.

In the evening, I returned to the inn and left instructions at the desk that I would be rising early to get to the archives at opening time, and wanted my breakfast at 6am sharp. Of course, I would be long gone by then. Or dead.

An unknowable number of ponies had tried to reach the tower in the Everfree. None had ever returned. Pegasi and aircraft trying to cross the forest hit savage turbulence that didn't even stir the leaves of the trees below. If they persisted, they dropped from the sky within a league or so, and vanished into the depths of the woods.

The most famous incursion was committed by Emperor Fauvel, flushed with the pride and confidence of his crushing victory over the rebellious provinces. He vowed to reach the tower and take the princess to rule the empire by his side. True to the strategy that had served him so well during the war, he set his soldiers to accomplishing the task for him. They began cutting and burning a swath of forest a furlong wide, intending to carve a clear road to the tower.

For a week, everything seemed to go quite well.

Then, word came back from the front line that a cliff of solid diamond had been found. It seemed that a side-effect of the emperor's obsession would be a vast increase in his wealth. But when his bodyguards escorted him to view the treasure, the forest sprang up behind them and the emperor and his troops vanished without a trace or a sound. The empire fell apart again, and it was nearly a generation later before anypony braved the forest again.

Line-of-sight teleport should have been possible, but the only unicorn powerful and foolish enough to try it winked out of existence at the top of the Ponyville clock tower, and the telescopes trained on the battlement of the dark tower that was his target destination never caught a glimpse of anything. He was never heard from again.

= = =

About an hour past midnight, I slipped out of my room, covered in a plain brown blanket that was woven with a Too-Boring-To-Remember charm. Ponies could see me, but they would forget they had only moments later.

True to its small-town nature, the streets of Ponyville were nearly deserted at that late hour. Simply remaining motionless whenever a pony was in sight made me practically invisible. It only took me a quarter of an hour to reach the darker, residential streets and then that long again to clear the houses entirely. I was at the edge of the forest only a few minutes later.

I shucked the blanket off and put it in my saddlebags; it wouldn't be much use against magical wards or non-sapient predators and would hamper my movements. I removed a close-combat knife from the book containing the artifacts and slid it into a scabbard across my chest. Then I removed the things that were far more deadly.

Among the rare enchanted objects inside was one I had never dared to use, and I hesitated before putting it on. From everything I had discovered about the amulet, it would give an incredible boost to my magic, but might have severe negative effects if worn for any extended time. I would only need it long enough to reach my goal, so I was confident I would have the mental discipline to resist it for that long. I snapped the band around my neck and felt an incredible rush of power fill me. I called up a night-vision spell with only a brief, effortless thought. It seemed the artifact worked exactly as the chronicles described.

The crystal wand, I slipped into a clip that was hidden within my mane. I did not intend to use it, but it could conceivably become my weapon of last resort and I would have been a fool not to have it ready.

The black, thorn-studded vines grabbed for me when I was only a few yards into the trees. Anypony with fast reflexes could have dodged them and run for the open, but my way led forward. My knife cut through the vines with ease and it was only a moment before they vanished into the ground again.

The challenges came steadily after that. I encountered a manticore, a chimera, a basilisk, and even an arbormaw. I dealt with them as quickly and quietly as possible. A will-o-the-wisp tried to lure me off the path and several other phantasms tried to terrify me into a fatal panic, but I had been prepared for all of them and more.

And that worried me.

Yes, I was super-charged by the Alicorn Amulet, but what I'd faced up to that point could have been dealt with by any talented battle-mage or even a lucky adventurer. I was nearly at the tower, and hadn't faced a truly powerful enemy yet. I couldn't convince myself that it could be that easy.

Of course, that was before I saw the dragon.

When I won my way free of the trees and into the clearing around the tower, the moonlight revealed an enormous serpentine body wrapped around and around the spire's base. A gigantic head, as big as the entire train station in Ponyville, lay half-tucked beneath a spread of leathery wing that could cover a good-sized hill.

It was asleep. Smoke drifted out from beneath the wing with each long, rumbling breath. Another stroke of luck? I wasn't so sure, but that didn't mean I wouldn't take advantage of it.

Beneath the monster lay a carpet of gems, gold, and jewelry that could have funded a major war or two. With my enhanced magic, I could sense the presence of many powerfully enchanted items in the hoard as well. Anypony given to greed might have taken as much of the sleeping beast's treasure as possible and fled, but wealth meant nothing to me.

I circled the tower once, as quietly as possible, looking for an entrance. I found no break in its irregular walls, except for a narrow window thirty or forty feet above the ground, just over the dragon's head.

I sent a soft wave of magic at the window to detect any defenses or traps, but found nothing. I didn't want to risk the noise and magical pulse a teleport displacement would cause, so I opted for self-levitation. With the amulet feeding me power, it was as easy as lifting a quill.

I was nearly at the window when the dragon flicked out the tip of its wing and blocked my way. I looked down to see a huge green eye staring up at me. I had known it wasn't going to be that easy. I kept myself aloft and I eased the crystal wand out of its clip.

"Twilight," the dragon rumbled, "there's another one out here."

I paused in confusion. The dragon made no further hostile move, so I remained where I was.

The dragon cocked its head as if it were listening to a voice I couldn't hear and said, "No, he didn't go for the treasure and he didn't try any sort of sucker-punch when he thought I was asleep." There was a pause, and then it nodded and then pointed its titanic snout in my direction as it lowered its wing. "She says you can go in."

I didn't move for another long moment, and the dragon shrugged, tucked its head back under its wing, and closed its eyes. "Suit yourself," it rumbled. "But don't try heading back out of the forest. You won't get twenty feet."

I put the wand back in its clip and floated up and into the window.

I barely got a good look at the room before the princess opened the door at the far side and walked in. I'd seen many pictures of her, of course. Most were old paintings and engravings, but there were a few that purported to be copies of copies of ancient photographs. I hadn't given it too much thought, but my automatic assumption was that the portraits were distorted by a desire on the part of the artists to flatter a monarch. While she was less perfect in her features than the old artwork portrayed, I was surprised to discover that none of the painters had even come close to conveying how overwhelming her presence was.

The first thing I noticed was that she towered over me, and that her mane and tail slowly rippled as if stirred by a breeze that only affected them. None of the representations could convey the strength and precision of her movement as she slowly walked toward me, smiling pleasantly. I meant to greet her immediately, but seconds went by, and she was the first to speak.

"Welcome to my home," she said.

I hadn't intended to bow so low, but I found myself kneeling with my muzzle pressed against the carpet.

"Please rise," she said. "You were courageous to have come here. May I know your name?"

It took me a while to find my voice and when I did, I gave her a name that hadn't crossed my lips in over a decade. "My name is Steel Line, Your Highness. I'm known by many others, but that is my true name."

"I am pleased to meet you, Steel Line." She gave me an appraising look. "Interesting. You are quite a bit different from most of my guests." She raised a hoof and pointed at my throat. "I haven't seen that in a long time. It's one of the few artifacts powerful enough to harm me." She lowered her hoof, considered me for another moment, then asked, "Is that what you have come here to do? Somehow I don't think so."

"Not at all!" I said. "It was only a means to get me through the forest."

"Well, now that you are safely inside, you should take it off while you still have the will to do so. It has a corrupting influence on one's mind."

I felt a surge of fear and suspicion which, oddly enough, convinced me that she wasn't trying to deceive or disarm me. It still took all my willpower to unclasp the amulet.

The princess lifted the Alicorn Amulet out of my magic and put it down on a little table against the wall as if it were some trinket and not a dangerous artifact of dark power.

"Would you care to take tea with me in the library?" she asked, smiling. "It's late and I will understand if you would rather get some sleep."

My meeting with an ancient being of unfathomable power was not going at all like I had imagined. "Tea," I said. "Yes. Tea would be nice, Your Majesty."

She led me through the inner door, and we walked into a large room that was completely lined with bookshelves. The arched ceiling was over five body lengths above my head, and the shelves went all the way up. An archway that pierced the opposite wall led onto a broad staircase, also lined with books. In fact, the only thing beside the ceilings and floors that was not covered in books was a small fireplace.

The princess gestured to an assortment of comfortable-looking cushions that were scattered in front of the fireplace. It was a horrible breach of manners to sit in the presence of royalty. I wondered if this was some sort of test.

"Please, treat me as a friend," the princess said, noticing my hesitation. "No more titles or formality. Call me Twilight Sparkle, or just Twilight, if you wish. Consider that a royal command, if it makes it easier for you."

Her gentle, teasing smile was what enabled me to settle myself down before the fire. Not a single one of the rulers I had ever met could have managed such an open, genuine expression.

A silver tea service appeared in a flash on the low table beside the cushions as the princess settled down. She busied herself with pouring and serving, and for a while the only sounds in the library were the ruffle of the flames, the burble of tea flowing from the pot, and the musical clink of silver against porcelain.

I had taken two sips of the tea before I realized it was perfect. It was exactly the blend I preferred and had been brewed just as I liked it. I looked up to see the princess studying me over the rim of her own cup.

I took one of the small biscuits from the plate in front of me and bit into it. Perfect. Crisp and crunchy without being dry and it had just the right blend of cinnamon and cloves to make it spicy without being overpowering. It was the most delicious tea biscuit I had ever tasted.

The princess stretched her considerable length languorously across the cushions and sighed contentedly. The pose emphasized the perfection of her physique and had an immediate effect on my attention. "It's so nice to have company. I get very lonely here, sometimes." She let her eyelids fall half-closed and gazed at me from under her long dark lashes.

I nearly choked on my biscuit. She couldn't possibly— then I realized what she had been doing all along. And she knew that I knew in the next instant.

She sat up out of her seductive pose and said, "You aren't a treasure-hunter or you'd have been hock-deep in Spike's hoard three seconds after seeing it. And you're not an assassin," she continued, grinning. "Those types never bother sitting down to tea with me. Usually, they don't even leave the foyer before they make their move, and I as much as told you I was vulnerable to the weapon you wore."

She took a delicate bite from her own biscuit, giving me time to reply. All I could think of was that there had been other ponies before me who had made it to the princess's tower, possibly a lot of them. When I didn't speak, she continued. "You're obviously not one of the ones here to rescue me, propose to me, or worse in that line. But, you did accept my too perfect little refreshments without question, so I'm inclined to believe you're the sort to ask me to return to the world and magically fix its problems."

I suppose my open mouth was all she needed to confirm her supposition. I looked down at the plate of biscuits again and saw that they were actually frosted oatmeal, not spice. I hate oatmeal.

"It was a little spell to let you shape the taste to your own preference. I hope you will forgive me for my little prank."

"As one who deals with deception on a daily basis, I can hardly object," I said.

She bent her long neck to the side to study my cutie mark. "A mask cut by a line. Possibly appropriate for a historian, archaeologist, or even a theater critic, but I'd say your real talent applies to practicing deception as well as uncovering it."

"I'm a counter-espionage operative from the Free City of New Baltimare."

"A spy? Oh, that's interesting! Did your agency send you here on assignment? You must have greatly irritated your superiors or else they have supreme confidence in your abilities."

I winced at the word "spy", but didn't dare to object. "I'm here on my own initiative, Your Highness. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if my Station Chief knew what I intended, he would have had me retired before I ever made it to Equestria."

"Oh dear!"

"That doesn't matter," I said, trying to get back on track. "You're right about why I came. I'm here to convince you to return to us."

She gave me a sad smile. "It's true I have great magic, but pure strength isn't everything. I am not the perfect, all-powerful monarch you imagine I am. I cannot simply light my horn and instantly solve all the world's ills."

"I am not some naive colt, princess," I blurted out. I was so shocked at my sudden bout of unguarded irritation that I froze for a second before continuing. "I know you can't change the world with a flare of your horn, but you are the only pony that everypony would listen to and obey. I don't want you to fix things, I want you to unite us. Ponies revere you. They would respect you enough to...."

Her smile faded and I trailed off into silence.

She gracefully rose and I scrambled to my hooves. "May I show you something?" she asked.

The princess led me through the archway and up the staircase. We climbed several levels, passing several rooms lined with more books. The shelves along the stairs themselves were all stuffed to overflowing with scrolls and books, new and old. Finally we came to a landing that opened into a rotunda that held a group of statues. I recognized the Spirits of Harmony immediately, of course, even though they weren't carved in the usual formalized poses. They had been adorned with golden tiaras, shoes, and necklaces. I noticed that the pedestals they stood on bore unusual names.

"'Applejack?'" I asked the princess. "But, this is Honesty."

"Applejack was her name, not her title," the princess said. "They were ponies like you and I. My friends... the best friends anypony could have."

"I thought they were just legends; ponifications of ideal concepts."

Princess Twilight Sparkle threw back her head and laughed. It was a glorious sound. "Oh, I've got to know what Pinkie Pie would say to that!" She reached out with a hoof and touched the large gem set into the gold necklace on the statue of Laughter. When she spoke again, her voice was bubbly, higher, and a bit squeaky. "I'm not a ponifrickwhatsit; I'm a party planner and part-time pirate!"

I was so shocked that I couldn't seem to get a grasp on any coherent thought for several seconds. Finally I gave up and said, "I don't understand."

The princess let her hoof fall away from the gem and turned to me. "You want me to lead the world back to peace and harmony. That's why you came here. But what sort of leader would I be if I had to be convinced that that was a good thing to do?" She swept her hoof out, indicating the statues. "Long ago, with these friends, I began the same task you want me to undertake now, and I've been working towards it for many thousands of years."

"But the world's a mess!" I blurted out. What was it about her that caused me to have such blunt outbursts of honesty?

"I think you may need some perspective to properly evaluate the situation," she said, indicating that I should leave the room by a different doorway than the one we had entered by. As I climbed another book-lined staircase, behind me I heard her softly say, "Goodnight, girls."

We soon entered another large room, which was distinguished from all the other library-like chambers by the presence of a small dragon. And by "small," I mean only seven or eight yards long. It was a deep blue color and more serpentine than the average. The fact that it had a pair of thick reading glasses perched on its snout didn't make it any less alarming.

"Cutter, this is Steel Line," the princess said, making the introduction as lightly as if she were introducing me to just another pony. "Steel Line, this is Cutter, my Head Archivist."

I gaped a bit as the dragon pushed the glasses down its nose and doubtfully peered over the top of them at me. "Another one?" The dragon's voice was unexpectedly smooth and feminine. "Third one this year, isn't he? Doesn't granddad ever eat any of them?"

"Manners, Cutter," the princess said softly.

The dragon sighed and extended a claw that had talons the size of shortswords. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Line."

"Like...." My first attempt came out as a completely undignified, strangled squeak. "Likewise... uh... Ms. Cutter." Instead of a shake, I tapped my hoof against one of its— her talons.

"Cutter," the princess said, "would you please get The Historical Compendium of the Late Celestial Era for our guest?"

"Which edition?"

"Third; the condensed one."

The dragon(or dragoness? I'd never had to be concerned with a monster's gender before) slithered up, across the high bookshelves, her wicked claws giving her easy purchase without seeming to damage the shelves in any way. She soon returned with a thick tome tucked under one leg.

"I don't expect you to dive into this right now, of course," the princess told me as Cutter passed the volume over to me. "It's far too late. I'll have Marigold show you to a bedroom and you can start on it after breakfast tomorrow."

I had imagined many different ways my meeting with the legendary Princess Twilight Sparkle might go. None of the possible scenarios had included homework.

"Marigold," the princess called out, "is there a room ready for our guest?"

"Yup, sure is!" came a voice from the doorway behind me. I turned to see the taxi driver from Ponyville leaning casually against the jamb. "Hiya, professor!" She waved a friendly hoof at me.

"Well, I'll say goodnight then," the princess said to me. "Marigold will show you around in the morning, and Cutter will be available for any questions you might have while you're doing your reading tomorrow. We will have a late lunch together and we can talk more then. Goodnight."

Twilight Sparkle vanished in a burst of magic.

I didn't move for a long moment. The mare trotted over to me, produced a silver flask, and held it out to me. "Yeah, she has that effect on ponies. Here, prof; take a swig o' this. It might help."

"Magic potion?" I asked.

"Nope! Special reserve calvados. Got quite a kick to it, so go lightly."

Cutter huffed, pushed her glasses back up her snout, and slithered off.

We passed the flask back and forth as Marigold led me to my room. The apple brandy did help a bit.

"Did you know what I was going to do back in Ponyville?" I asked her before she left me in the well-appointed bedchamber.

"Well, I figured it was likely." She nodded. "I've developed a sense for the adventurers after all these years. When I saw you slippin' out of the inn so late, that sorta cinched it."

"I didn't notice you then."

She smirked. "I'm really good at disguises."

"So..." I said, taking in all the implications, "you keep an eye out for ponies who are going to try to make it through the Everfree and...?"

"I arrange things so they have a hard time of it," she replied. "Not too hard a time, mind you. Just hard enough so that the ones who ain't totally committed get scared off."

"Or killed?"

She laughed at that. "Oh, stars no! Twilight really doesn't like it when anypony gets killed in the forest. Most of the really dangerous critters you faced were illusions. The determined ones like you always make it here. Mostly, anyways. Accidents do happen."

As hospitable as the princess and her servants had been, there was still something that loomed in the background.

"But nopony's ever returned from this place... except you, it seems."

Marigold's expression became a bit more sober. "That's true enough. If ponies could waltz in and out of here, we'd never get anything done. But Twilight's gonna want to explain all that to you herself, so be patient; it ain't all that bad."

She turned to go, but then paused in the doorway. "As for me..." A swirl of green fire swept around her and left behind a dark insect-like creature. "...I ain't exactly a pony."

I reflexively drew my combat blade from its sheath and held it between us. There was another flash of magical flames and the pretty mare stood before me once again. She grinned, on the verge of laughter.

"Sweet dreams, professor!" The door clicked shut behind her.

I examined the room and discovered that it held everything anypony might need for a considerable stay. A kettle hung by the fireplace and a small cast iron warming-oven rested on the hearth. There was a small pantry with coffee, tea, and assorted packages of food. There was even a beautifully carved radio cabinet standing beside the bed. I assumed the crystals inside were designed so that it could only receive, and not be re-purposed to get a signal out to the rest of the world.

Through another door was a sumptuous bathroom with a sunken tub big enough for three. No handy excuses for wandering the halls of the tower, supposedly searching for a toilet or a snack.

I tried the door to the hall anyway and found it unlocked. A small sign on a post that hadn't been there when we came in stood across from my room. It read: "HERE BE DRAGONS" below the text was a crude drawing of a dragon's head which was mostly teeth. Around that, a dozen or so arrows radiated out, indicating... the entirety of the rest of the tower, I supposed. As warnings go, it would ordinarily be a little too cute and implausible to be effective, but in that place, it was more than enough to stifle my curiosity.

Oddly enough, I slept deeply and well for the rest of the night.

= = =

In the morning, the sign had been replaced with one reading. "BREAKFAST," which had a single arrow beneath the text.

I took all my belongings with me, including the book.

Marigold met me at a junction of three corridors and showed me to a door that led out onto a balcony overlooking the forest. Breakfast was waiting on a small table under silver dish covers. Judging from the quantity of food, Marigold intended to eat with me.

She chattered about inconsequential things while she served out the dishes, subtly flirting with me all the while. I was almost able to forget what I had seen the night before. I told myself that the princess wouldn't suffer Marigold's presence, let alone trust her as an underling of some sort, if she were an evil creature. I don't know if she was the one who made the coffee, but if that was the case, I was willing to entertain the idea that angels might look like big black bugs.

"If the princess has been attempting to improve the world for thousands of years," I said, setting down my cup, "why hasn't she gotten anywhere?"

Marigold half-choked on a bite of toast and then coughed until her throat was clear. "You're terrible, professor! You waited until I had a big mouthful to ask me that, didn't you?"

"I'm serious."

She laughed and said, "I guess you ain't had a chance to crack that book yet."

"So things were worse in the distant past, I take it? That doesn't seem like..."

Marigold shook her head, her smile fading away. "Tell me something; how many ponies died in the Archonate's invasion of New Baltimare?"

"Five." I said, gravely. "It would have been even more if we hadn't gotten advance warning about the Archon's plans. And the Reunification War was much worse. Dozens of lives were snuffed out in that futile struggle. You call that an improvement over... what, maybe a few score or so in the ancient wars?"

Marigold's smile had entirely vanished by the time I finished speaking. She said nothing, but lifted up the book and opened it to the index. She ran the tip of her hoof down the page until she found the entry she was looking for, then flipped to the page she wanted.

"I'm real sorry you're finding out this way, but you gotta know the truth if you're gonna make an informed decision."

I was about to ask her what decision she was referring to when she floated the open book over to me and my gaze fell on the heading at the top of the open page.

The Winter Offensive of the Second Griffin War:

The Hoofington Massacre

After a minute of reading, I looked up. Marigold answered me before I could even form my question.

"It's all true. Wars didn't used to be the formal sorta battles that happen nowadays, with champions, rules, and limits and such. There weren't crowds of healers standin' by to fix up anypony who got hurt, neither. Back then, wars were just big bunches of folk trying to kill each other. Twilight says it was even worse than it reads."

I read on, my horror deepening. After a moment or two I looked up again. "Marigold, what is a 'disease?' The book names several as responsible for many deaths after the fighting, but it isn't clear what sort of creatures they are."

Marigold sighed. "You're thinking of them as monsters, ain't ya? Well that's sorta what diseases were, only they was so small that you couldn't see 'em. They was pretty much everywhere. They got into ponies' bodies and attacked them from the inside. There were some spells and chemicals that could be put into ponies to help them fight off the critters, but those things didn't always work."

The thought of tiny beasts gnawing away at my vitals made me shudder. "That's hideous!"

"That was life back then," she said with a shrug. "Everything was different before Twilight got a burr under her saddle about improvin' things. Keep reading."

My shock didn't last long. It was all so overwhelming that it became meaningless numbers and dry facts; unrelated to real ponies. But when I came to the chapter about the changeling invasion of Canterlot, I looked up sharply at Marigold. Now I had a word for what she was.

She was leaning to the side on her cushion with her front hooves propped on the balcony rail, looking out over the forest. She noticed my sudden movement and turned to face me, raising her eyebrows.

"Does the name 'Queen Chrysalis' ring a bell?"

At least she had the decency to blush. "Yeah... I reckon my kin started out as enemies of ponies, but things changed. Well, Twilight changed things, really. Long story, but it's a doozy."

I glanced back at the page and then asked, "But you still feed from unsuspecting ponies?"

The smile dropped off of her face. "Twilight would crack my chitin if I ever went feral; I get plenty love from my friends and family." She paused, grimaced, then continued. "That ain't to say I never done it; undercover work ain't for over-particular folk, and allowances need to be made, as I reckon you probably know. But the princess knows exactly what happened every time, and she only gave me that look once. I hope to never see it again, and I aim to comport myself so's I don't."

"Marigold is such a good girl," came a sibilant voice from over my shoulder, making me jump just a bit. "If she ever made Twilight cry, it would break her little heart."

"Heya, snakey-pants," Marigold said to Cutter as she slid around the table, nosing at the long cold remains of our breakfast, "Cookie whipped up some real good muffins this mornin'. We didn't save you none."

"Typical."

"Speaking of breakin' hearts, weren't you supposed to be the one assistin' the professor here with his history lesson?"

Cutter gave a stuttering hiss that took me a moment to identify as laughter of a sort. "I'm fed up with all the 'Oh, no! It can't be so!' stuff. The questions are always the same, anyway. We should just write up some flashcards."

"Perhaps I can surprise you," I said, holding back the acerbic tone that wanted to creep into my voice. Avoiding angering a creature that could kill a minotaur with her teeth seemed like a wise policy.

She gave another burst of her hissing laughter and said, "Sure thing, Mr. Lime, give it a shot!"

I didn't correct her because it was obviously not a mistake on her part. "How did the princess change ponies' behavior from this insane savagery," I thumped the book with a hoof, "to our modern, comparatively mild penchant for misdeeds?"

Cutter blinked, and slid her glasses down her snout to peer at me. "Huh. Okay, that was a bit unusual, I'll grant you. Hmmm..." She tilted her head. "Let me ask you a question in return. How would you do it, given near limitless magical power?"

"Not mind control or coercion, certainly," I replied.

"Oh? Why not? That would be the easy way."

"What little I've seen of the princess makes me think she wouldn't be that cold-hearted or... clumsy."

"I was asking how you would do it."

I shrugged. "I'd get rid of hunger and poverty for a start. What good does it do for anypony to be poor and scrabbling for their next meal?"

Cutter smiled. The sight was more than a little disturbing. "You sound certain about that. Trees that grow pastries, hay fries that sprout up right out of the ground, jewelry shops hung with signs that say, 'Free Gems: Help Yourself", that sort of thing?"

"I'm not asking for the impossible! If the princess would just inspire ponies to be more generous or..."

Cutter made a sound like a small steam pipe bursting. "Impossible? Twilight could do all that in the blink of an eye! In fact—" she leaned much closer to me, giving me a good look at her wicked teeth and a whiff of her iron-furnace breath, "—she already did."

Marigold leaned over and pushed Cutter's snout away from my face. "Quit teasin' the poor stallion, ya lousy lizard!"

The dragon shrugged and let the mare, who was a fraction of her size, shove her away from the table. "It's true, though, isn't it? Go on, Mr. Lane, ask the cute little bed-bug."

I gave Marigold a long look and then asked, "Is Clutter telling the truth?"

There was a hiss of annoyance from behind me, and Marigold laughed and stomped her fore hooves. "You are a hoot, professor! 'Bout time somepony gave ol' slither-britches a bit of her own medicine!"

I didn't comment on that. I assumed I had pushed my luck nearly over the balcony railing with my small bit of tit-for-tat, and didn't attempt to further annoy the half-ton reptilian carnivore that was (quite literally) fuming behind me.

Marigold's laughter subsided and then she cast a side-long glance at the dragon. "Well, she's sorta right. You know wintergrass and sand sedge?"

I nodded. "I grew up in Deadtree Territory, so I've eaten plenty of the sedge; too much, in fact. I've seen wintergrass, but never ate any. You're telling me that because a pony can survive on what grows beneath their hooves, they shouldn't want for better, more palatable food?"

Marigold shook her head. "I'm telling you that those plants didn't exist before the princess created them. Even the common ol' grasses you see everywhere have a bunch more protein, vitamins, and minerals than they used to. There once was whole areas of the world and times of the year where ponies could actually die of hunger if'n they didn't have the means to buy their food. Nowadays, the most nutritious food a pony can get is pretty much wherever they're walkin'."

"Cottage oaks," Cutter said, bending her long neck around so she was facing me again, "arching baobabs, cabin cottonwoods, temple banyans: Did you think that those incredibly useful trees just happen to grow in shapes that make perfect little homes for ponies that can't afford better?"

"You may think eating nothing but grass, and squatting in a dirt-floored hut ain't the sort of life most ponies would like to lead," Marigold added, "but they sure don't deserve less than that. And when they have a full belly and a warm, dry place to sleep, it ain't all that hard to cogitate on how to raise their circumstances."

"And I'm sure you're aware of the Sisters of the Evening," Cutter put in, nearly before Marigold had finished speaking. "Everypony 'knows' they provide free schools and injury clinics because that's their special talent and destiny. Given to their tasks by the cutie marks that appear on exactly as many ponies as are needed. Rather convenient, don't you think?" The sarcasm was thick in her voice.

Marigold grinned and then used a flash of her green fire to mimic the well-known cutie mark of the Sisters. "Medical help and education on demand... also one heck of a spy network."

By that time, I had rocked back on my cushion, trying to wrap my head around all the new information.

Marigold traded looks with Cutter. "We ain't tryin' to gang up on you, Steel Line. It's just that we know how bad it used to be, and how much better things are nowadays. We're tryin' to make you realize that the princess knows what she's doing. She goes about it all rational and scientific-like, and the ponies who show up on the doorstep, tryin' to tell her how she ought to run things, ain't got enough history learnin' to realize that fact."

I floundered a bit, trying to put my thoughts in order, but before I could start to ask all the questions that came crowding into my head, Princess Twilight arrived in a flash of magic. She took one look at me and her expression softened into sympathy. "Information overload? I am so sorry!" She tuned to Marigold and Cutter. "Thank you, girls, I'll take it from here."

With the new ideas and information seething in my brain, I hardly had space for the cognitive dissonance created by the princess calling a sarcastic dragon and a shape-changing insect "girls."

Marigold and Cutter gave little bows and walked away sniping at each other.

"You better not'a broke him, scaly-face! I like him; he's fun."

"If he goes loopy, I'm sure another one will be along shortly. We might as well pave a path through the forest..."

Princess Twilight gave a "what can you do?" toss of her head as their voices faded away. The ruins of breakfast disappeared with a flash and a whumph, to be replaced with a steaming tea pot and a plate of cucumber and watercress sandwiches.

"I imagine you have some questions," she said as she poured the tea.

I almost drew out the crystal wand right then. I was tired of being surprised and had an urge to be on the delivering end, but there actually were several questions that were nagging at me. I waited until I had taken a sip of the excellent jasmine tea, and a small bite of one of the sandwiches. The princess didn't seem in any hurry and didn't press me. That was nice for a change.

It seemed as if the princess had ordered the world to be as pony-friendly as possible. Food and shelter for the taking, and even schooling and medical care from an order of devoted "ponies" that crossed almost all national boundaries. I'd often been envious of our female operatives that could disguise themselves as Sisters of the Evening in order to cross borders closed to anypony else. Evidently, the real Sisters were also agents. It made sense; they were welcome even under the most repressive of....

"Governments!" I blurted out.

Princess Twilight lowered her tea cup and looked at me expectantly.

"You've set it up so ponies everywhere are taken care of in the ways you deem best, haven't you?"

The princess smiled and dipped her head.

"Then why haven't you unified the world into one nation? Why are we fragmented into all these little squabbling states that range from strict fascism to pure anarchy? You could bring us all together in one peaceful empire by sheer force of personality!"

She laughed her musical laugh and I could have sworn I saw a bit of color flush into her cheeks. "Thank you for your confidence, Steel Line. Would it upset you to know that I've already tried that approach?"

"What?" I said it quietly, and my tea cup didn't tremble at all. I suppose I had become inured to shocks over the course of the morning.

"The Lost Citadel of Camargue was real. There was a Princess Cayuse, and the Carthusian Council actually guided that utopian empire that united the world for three generations before it was destroyed."

Fillies dressed up as Princess Cayuse for Nightmare Night. Colts in schoolyards played at being noble knights of the Glittering Citadel. It was all foal's tales; unsubtle wish fulfillment to appease the hunger for a perfect time and place. "The stories must have it all wrong then," was all I could think to say. "If it was as it's depicted in the legends, it would have endured the ages."

"The books aren't that far off," said Princess Twilight, setting down her cup and dabbing at her lips with a lace-edged napkin. "As for why and how it was destroyed, yes the books all put it down to the evil Prince Blackhoof who is a metaphorical symbol of how the ideal can decay through greed and lust and such, but the actual event was quick and thorough, I assure you. I was much more efficient than any mustachio-twirling villain."

I found it hard to get my breath. "Y... you..."

"Oh, I didn't kill anypony," she said. "The ponies of Camargue were warned in advance. Luna..." The princess broke off, the focus of her eyes softened and she smiled ever so slightly. Then she sighed and continued. "They all dreamed the same dream that last night in the city. They saw the doom descend upon their home the night before it came. They all knew it for a true dream and fled the land with what belongings they could carry."

What had she thought of when mentioning the sacred name of the moon goddess? What did the moon have to do with the story, other than being the traditional giver of dreams? But more importantly, why had she done it? Why had she destroyed what was held up in the literature of ponykind as the pinnacle of pony civilization?

"Why?"

"It was mine to destroy," she said, with a flat voice that would have terrified me if I hadn't been so numb. "I created it. I brought forth a utopia for my little ponies, and in doing so, I nearly ruined them." She gazed down into her tea cup for a moment before continuing. "I was wrong. Complete freedom from toil made them lazy. Lack of conflicts only made them create their own pointless ones and turn them against each other. Perfection made them vain and disdainful. I brought down the fire of the heavens to save them from themselves."

It was at that point that I admitted to myself that there was a possibility that the princess was insane. But what had Marigold said? She was "rational and scientific" about it all? That meant one failure, no matter how large, wouldn't stop her. She would...

"Oh, Sun and Moon, they're experiments!" I jumped back from the table, spilling my tea and kicking my cushion aside. Twilight Sparkle watched me dispassionately, but there was a glimmer of incipient magic in the long spiral groove of her horn. "Every nation on the planet... all their citizens are just test subjects! You're letting them run themselves in any way they want so you can see which ones work better!"

"Well-reasoned, but wrong," she said. "The experimental phase of my endeavor ended more than a thousand years ago."

She levitated the cushion and the cup and put them back into place. The tablecloth slid back to cover the table evenly and the spilled tea drifted upward, evaporating into the air. "The most unpleasant part of my duties is to disabuse good and honest ponies of their heart-felt desires. Steel Line, I am so sorry, but I can't make the world perfect for you. That," she swung her head around, indicated the rest of the world outside of her tower, "is as good as it gets. You can't be given what you already have."

I stared at her. Several times I opened my mouth, but was unable to speak.

Her expression softened into sympathy. "Ponies need challenges. They need struggles, and rivals, and yes, even enemies, or they never live their lives to the fullest. Centuries of experience and observation has proven me right in this. There are so many styles of governance because they suit the various needs of the different ponies who want to be governed. I'm sure you're familiar enough with defectors to know that ponies won't tolerate a government they dislike for long. You only see the tiny imperfections in your world because you never knew the horrific flaws in the old one."

Finally, I had something to cling to. "You're saying I wasted my time coming here. What I came to ask of you has already been accomplished as well as is possible." I didn't even let her nod once before I went on, and I felt ashamed of the satisfaction my next words gave me. "Well, you are the one who's dead wrong, princess!"

A wary look came into her eyes, and she froze me in the tightest telekinetic grip I'd ever experienced, an instant after I touched the crystal wand with my own magic.

Two burly unicorn stallions were on the balcony only seconds later. They wore light armor and unsympathetic expressions. They gripped me in their own fields and the princess carefully slid the wand out of my grasp.

She floated the thin crystal cylinder over to hover just above her cup and saucer, and frowned as she examined it. Her aura flickered and twisted in a way I'd never seen before. I tried to speak, but the guard's magic held my mouth shut.

"Horseapples, princess!" Marigold exclaimed as she ran onto the balcony and skidded to a stop. "You alright? Did he really try to kill you?"

Princess Twilight shook her head slightly, which was more of an I-don't-know gesture than one absolving me of an attempted assassination. I tried to shake my own head, but couldn't.

Cutter arrived next, her face twisted up into a snarl of outrage. She didn't bother asking questions; she came at me, hissing, her jagged maw open wide.

"Cutter," the princess said, in a voice scarcely above a whisper.

The dragon froze like she'd been hit with the same spell that had immobilized me. She turned to the princess. "He's worse than any of the killers that came before; he pretended to be a friend! I want him."

I could well imagine what she wanted me for, but I couldn't even shiver.

"Wait."

The only movement on the balcony after that soft command was the swing of Cutter's head as she turned her blazing eyes back to stare balefully at me.

A long couple of seconds later, the princess spoke again. "Well, this is a day for revelations." She looked up at me. "This nasty little piece of work could have killed me. It appears designed to open a microscopic teleportation tunnel to the heart of the sun. A pony could use the resulting line of fusing hydrogen atoms to carve mountains, if they wished. Quite clever, actually. Did you come up with it yourself?"

The guard holding my mouth closed loosened his grip just enough so that I could answer.

"No! Princess, please believe me, I never intended to harm you. Yes, I thought you could be convinced to help the ponies of the world, but that was only a secondary reason. What I wanted to do, what I gave up my life and my career to do, was to warn you about that weapon and the ponies who built it!"

"Liar," Cutter hissed at me.

The princess swept the table aside with a flick of her wing. The tea set shattered on the floor and the tablecloth blew away on the wind. Nopony watched it go. The guards forced my head up so that I was looking into Twilight Sparkle's eyes as she loomed over me. "I'm sorry," she said as her eyes filled my field of view and my consciousness fell into them. "This is a horrible thing to do to a pony, but I have to know."

I could feel the information being lifted out of my mind. She got it all. The team of mages who had created the wands, the generals who had developed the tactics to most effectively use them, and the members of my government who had planned the campaign against our rivals to the south of Horseshoe Bay, and beyond.

I had hoped the princess would have some sort of magic to counter the evil things that brought the searing power of the sun into the hooves of common ponies, but that was before I learned how she thought. Mere things, even such appalling weapons as the wands, didn't concern her. She knew that knowledge was the most dangerous weapon of all. It was a truism in intelligence work, and the irony of her knowing it better than me was painfully obvious.

Would I have done what I did if I had known what she would do? It's a pointless question. I was the pony responsible for what followed, and if I live as long as her, I will never forget it.

She dropped the wand to the floor, put her hoof against it, and snapped it at the only place that would destroy it without releasing the fiendish magic it contained. Then she commanded the guards to release me and asked everypony to leave the balcony and go deep into the tower.

"Don't lower yourself, princess. I will kill him for you," Cutter said to her, even as she moved to obey.

Princess Twilight only glanced at her, but it was if she had struck the dragon a physical blow. Cutter cringed and slithered away.

When we were alone, the princess teleported the Alicorn Amulet into my hooves. "Put it on, if you want to live," she told me.

When I did so, she told me to create the strongest shield I could and then direct all the power of the amulet into it. I was immediately suspicious, but I did it anyway.

She blinked, and her eyes became the stuff of nightmares, green and blood red, with slit pupils like a serpent. They shed vapor like a cauldron of noxious potion about to boil, and her horn wreathed itself in a roiling darkness shot through with flaring green energy. I could feel the pressure of her magic through my shield, even though it wasn't directed at me. I poured all my stolen strength into my defense.

The dark magic exploded outward from her horn in a shrieking maelstrom of hideous force, blasting away from the tower in a hemisphere of crackling fury that swept out of sight within seconds... except for the tangled knot of black and green doom that ripped away at my shield. I shuddered and gasped with the effort it took to resist the jagged black blades of death that clawed away at the shimmering red sphere, inches from my face. I have no idea how long it took, but at last the magic dissipated and faded away.

Princess Twilight blinked again and her eyes returned to normal. They were still terrifying.

"You can lower your shield," she said. "You'd best remove the amulet now."

"No!" I cried out, my knees trembling. "What did you do? You tried to kill me!"

She shook her head. "No. I saved you by giving you the amulet. My spell sought out and destroyed the wands, removing all knowledge of them from the world." She looked away from me, but not before I saw the streaks of dark substance on her cheeks that her tears had washed from those eyes filled with evil magic. "It did it by removing the minds that held that knowledge. I'm sorry, there was no other way. You are safe, now; remove the amulet."

"No! You can't make me. I know that much, you vile... thing!" I began to back away towards the door.

She sighed, and it sounded near to a sob. "It's true. I can't. But that's what friends are for."

She lashed out with a fore hoof, catching my shield and throwing me over the balcony railing before I had time to react. I fell only a few lengths, before I hit something enormous and scaly, and bounced away from the wall. Less than a second after I landed on the ground, an immense clawed foot came crashing down on my shield, pinning it and me to the earth. I grunted at the effort of maintaining the shield, knowing that I would be crushed in an instant if it should fail.

One enormous green eye peered through the small gap under the foot, and the ancient dragon spoke. "My fire can turn the hardest stone to vapor, and steel runs like water at its lightest touch. How long can you last against it, do you think? Better do as Twilight asks."

I wasn't so far gone that I wouldn't trade certain death for even the smallest chance of life. I let the shield fade, and the dragon lifted his foot as I did so. I unclasped the Alicon Amulet and tossed it away from me.

The dragon smiled. It was indescribable. "Don't think too harshly of my granddaughter; she loves Twilight and is fiercely protective of her," he said to me as the princess' magic took hold of me and returned me to the balcony.

= = =

I stayed in the tower for another few days. The princess was kind to me, Cutter was cool but polite, and Marigold kept by my side always, as attentive and supportive as she could be. I even spoke with Spike a few more times and was amazed to discover that the old drake had a wicked, but kind, sense of humor.

I was not to return to the world. That much I had assumed when I began my quest, but I had no inkling of the form my exile would take until the princess showed me the Hall of Worlds. Deep below the tower was a room with thousands and thousands of mirrors, and all were enchanted portals to other dimensions. As it turned out, Princess Twilight Sparkle was not content to save the world; she wanted to save all the worlds.

She gave me the choice of selecting a low-magic world which I found pleasant, with beings I found not too strange to bear, where I could live out my life as I pleased. Or I could use my skills in her service, traveling from world to world as she bid me, managing affairs to her ends.

"You don't need to choose right now," the princess told me. "Have a good dinner and talk with Marigold about it. Or Cutter, if you want an adversarial opinion; they're often helpful."

"Thank you princess. You've been much kinder to me than I deserve."

"Nonsense! You brought me the information that allowed me to stop a horrible slaughter of innocent ponies. That is a victory of intelligence gathering that is a crowning achievement for somepony in your line of work."

"There was still a slaughter."

"Yes, but they were not innocents." Her voice was low and serious, but it did not carry any hint of regret. "Their deaths are something on my head, not yours. My agents are now alert to the danger, and will prevent anypony else from duplicating the weapon. More ponies may have to die to ensure that end, and I will be responsible for those dark deeds too, no matter whose hoof commits the act."

It was a measure of how I had come to feel about the princess that I was able to ask, "How can you live with such crimes on your conscience?"

For a brief instant there was a crack in her carefully maintained facade of perfection. "I—I don't have a choice in the matter," she said, and teleported away.

= = =

Marigold spent the night with me, snuggling and comforting me in a way that was exactly what I needed. I could no longer think of her as some sort of monster. She was a kind and caring soul; that was all that mattered to me.

"She's terrifying," I said into the crook of Marigold's neck, sometime after midnight.

"Yep. That she is, darlin'."

"I'm serious. Twilight will follow her own bizarre system of ethics no matter what the cost, won't she?"

"To the letter," Marigold agreed.

"That's horrible."

Marigold chuckled and ran a hoof down the curve of my neck. "Naw. It ain't so awful when you consider she might not have any ethics at all. Then where would we be?"

I stiffened with horror at the thought, and it took a while for Marigold to get me to relax again. But she was persistent, and good at her job.

= = =

At the heart of the world is a dark, twisted forest, dripping with evil magic and violent, deadly creatures. In the middle of the forest stands a tower of gray stone, twisting its way upward and sprouting odd balconies, turrets and battlements as if it were some sort of gigantic plant rather than a structure born of the mind of any sane pony. Around the base of the tower coils a huge and fearsome dragon; a guardian of what lies within. Inside the tower is a monster bent on a single, remorseless task.

And I gladly serve at her will.

= = =

Author's Note

Twilight as Optimizer, or Tyrant Twilight... or both? A post-scarcity Equestria is a very different scenario than is possible in our own world. The existence of magic and the lack of artificial intelligences (friendly or otherwise) are just two major differences. So, please do not assume that Twilight's attitudes, actions, or political theories are in any way parallel to my own preferences when it comes to social engineering. This was more of an exploration of what a very intelligent and basically kind immortal might do to fill her time in the long centuries... and how shorter-lived people might (mis)understand her actions.

My grateful thanks to AcademicPony for pre-reading and doing the calculations on the feasibility of the crystal wand weapon. Turns out that (if you get it just right) a controllable hyperdense plasma makes a pretty good death ray: Super villains take note!

Thanks also to statoose, for general editorial help, and wranglin' them pesky commas what was always gettin' in where they oughtn't to be and wanderin' away from where they was put!