Lunafall: Moonrise

by Bridgebrain

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 10426

A great battle has occurred, and through the powers of chaos, the princess has to face a new world.

Cenes Hallern has seen better days. Jobless, carless, moneyless, overweight, and now a hermit, he isn't in the best of shape. Will the arrival of the princess of the night help turn his life around?
Previously part of Ponyfall, now an independent fic. Please read before insta-down voting, because doing that helps no one. If you have a specific concern with it, talk to me in the comments. I very much welcome constructive criticism. Emphasis on constructive.

This might get a revamp. After a lot of self forgiveness, I look back at it and wonder how people who read it see me. For future reference, I am much less of a nutter than I portray myself here. (at least I hope so >_>)

Published 2012-06-01 05:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-16 21:08:27 UTC

Prologue

PONYFALL: MOONRISE

*Thu-Thump* *Thu-Thump*

I look down at the talons at my throat. They are clenched tight enough to constrict my breath, but not halt it. More importantly, it hurts. He knows it hurts, and revels in my pain, but he won't kill me; that's not his style. As I struggle to break free, he tightens his grip slightly, just to remind me that he's in control here. I stop fighting and glare at him.

His name is Discord, and it shouldn't be possible for him to be here right now.

The day started like most others as of late. My dear sister Celestia awoke the world from its slumber with the raising of the sun. I brought the night to an end a little late, allowing the sun and moon to share the same sky, if only for a moment. This may seem silly, or possibly even lazy, depending on who you ask, but to me, it's something profound; I get to be close to my sister. Sure, we eat our meals together most of the time, and we do talk occasionally, but things have been... estranged between us since my return.

My name is Luna, and I am the Princess of Night. There was a brief time when I wished to be the ruler of all. I was once consumed with jealousy and hate against my own sister; my own flesh and blood. The ponies of the world reveled in joy through her bright day, but did not tread the dark. They shunned it in favor of sleep and artificial lighting. This alone was manageable. It is not a ruler’s place to question such actions, even at the cost of said ruler’s heart. It was the feeling of rejection that surrounded it all that bore into my soul.

I began to grow distant, which only further served to set the populace against me. For centuries this unrest grew, both between myself and my subjects and between me and my own mind. Something slowly formed, an all consuming thought borne of the darkest recesses of my soul. Her... “its” name was Nightmare Moon.

Determined to force the subjects to accept us, she decided to plunge the world into eternal darkness. They would see the light eventually... well, not literally, but they'd appreciate the beauty of my night sky, whether they liked it or not. Needless to say, this was madness, and my sister was fully within her rights to bring about my destruction. She harnessed the Elements of Harmony and banished me, Nightmare and all, to the moon to slumber eternally. She took upon herself my duties, and peace and harmony reigned once again.

Such would be a good end to this tale, everyone living happily ever after, except for me, trapped within my own mind with a terror spawned from my own dark emotion. To continue the peace forever, I would have gladly remained banished evermore. The universe seemed to have other plans. After a thousand years time, an ancient prediction came true. Four stars, still loyal to their dark mistress, broke their bonds of space and magic and released me from my prison.

To this day, I'm not sure whether or not to thank them. The Nightmare still reigned over my mind and would have been the end of Equestria, were it not for the interference of Celestia's personal protege, Twilight Sparkle.

I know not whether Celestia had planned for my return with this young mare, nor if she had planned for things to go as well as they did. When I returned, I had a millennium's worth of magic at my disposal. Consuming most of this power with a single spell, I set my sister to slumber. Even with such power used, I couldn’t believe that she was so easy to defeat. To this day, I sometimes wonder if she feigned her failure in order to let her protege shine.

The lavender unicorn had that very day founded the friendships that lead to my defeat. Just as I know not my sister's level of foresight, I also know little of my thoughts at this time. It is like looking into a shattered mirror, with all the cracked lines shielding me from the blemishes upon my face. I know what I should see when I look into my memories, but instead there are great places of ephemeral shadow and broken shard.

I doubt that I was aware of the nature of the ponies who represented the Elements. However, I do know I tried to stop them. The Nightmare seemed to fail at understanding the better things of life; of honesty, kindness, laughter, generosity, and loyalty. Had she attempted to use her wiles upon those who were not teeming with such traits, she may have been successful. As it was, she ended up playing each challenge to their strengths.

Perhaps she was aware, and simply too full of hubris. The last underestimation she made was that of the combined power of friendship, something that reached out to me in the turmoil that had taken my mind. Twilight Sparkle managed to do the impossible; she stilled the storm in which my world had existed in for so long. Celestia, having been freed with the ending of my darkness, returned to the world, and did the most unforeseeable of actions. She forgave me.

Again, this would be a wonderful place to end the story, the redeemed princess, the living elements of harmony, and the reunited sisters. The problem was, I was not fully redeemed, not yet. To forgive doesn't inherently mean to forget; a thousand years only burned away the anger at my actions, not the fear. My subjects still feared me, though they no longer feared my night. This in itself was a blessing: I could watch them stare into my sky and feel their peace, and yet not have to be concerned with interruptions and royal duties.

This nearly brings us back to where we began, however, with the sun and moon alighting the sky simultaneously. My subjects were not the only ones to not forget my treason and the many acts that followed. Forgiven as I may be, my sister is still distant from me, guarded.

While I cannot expect more - I am honestly still surprised with her capability to forgive - the look in her eyes when she turns around stings greatly. A flash of fear crosses them as she turns her back toward me to walk ahead, as if she doesn't fully trust me to not suddenly attempt to strike her down. Regardless she turns, and this benign action speaks volumes. One does not turn their back on a possible assailant. This has continued for many months, diminishing only slightly as time flows by. It shall be a distant memory in the past with time... I hope.

I digress. The day begun, I joined my sister for my dinner, her breakfast. Being on opposing schedules, the kitchen staff has been most creative in making matching meals. After dining I departed, leaving my sister to deal with her court, and headed into the gardens. It had become a ritual for me, to walk the grounds before adjourning to sleep. Many things are more beautiful in my night, but the gardens belong to the dawn and dusk. The seeping of color from the sky highlights them all, and brings about a unique beauty.

I walk by the statue of Discord some days and remember his defeat with a smile. It sours as I remember the years before his banishment though, and I leave quickly. Today was no different and I soon retired to my chambers. Upon arrival, I found awaiting me a missive from Twilight Sparkle which, while addressed to my sister, contained a note meant for me. She had observed a strange stellar phenomenon and wondered of my opinion.

Intrigued as I was, I was far more tired. I had spent much of my night calculating the next set of rotations for an immense group of stars. Over the course of the next five years, they will align into an intricate spell of unimaginable beauty and complexity. On the night of this event, the stars will cast forth colors of blue, pink and green unto the sky in ribbons of flowing color, then realign to their natural states. It shall be quite the event.

Yet again, I digress. I was awoken from my well earned rest by an assortment of factors. Foremost, the breaking of a spell that guaranteed that I would not be disturbed which I had placed upon my door. This jarred me from my rest, but did not awaken me fully. The subsequent removal of my doors from their hinges, however, did. As the great wooden planks crashed to the floor, I sprung to face this unknown assailant. From the clearing dust, my sister appeared. I could immediately see that something was wrong, even if my decimated doors were a previous indication.

“Discord has escaped,” was all she spoke, and then turned and flew.

*Thu-Thump* *Thu-Thump*

I stood there in complete silence, letting the words settle through my shocked mind, even as cries of panic and strange chaotic noises began to assault my ears. Quickly recovering, I rushed through the castle, intent on repairing any damage I could before rejoining my sister. Passing through the halls, I saw that of the statues of assorted historical ponies were doing the Can-Can. No damage being done, moving on. I heard screams from the royal kitchens and diverted my path to intersect. Upon entering, I overheard the calm conversation from the toasters and the bakers, who each seemed to simply be happy to have someone to talk to. More pressing, however, were the ovens, which had decided to rise up against their earth pony oppressors.

I flew to the ponies who were cowering before their new sentient cooking overlords, allowing them to escape. One young earth pony stayed behind to assist with their defeat.

“Don’t make me use The Spoon!” quoth he, holding a long wooden spoon in the face of the infernal kiln. It simply glared, followed by the throwing of a great flame. His wooden weapon incinerated, the pony disappeared into the nearest doorway.

I turned upon the advancing flaming menaces and negotiated their peaceful surrender. With my hooves. Leaving the piles of burning refuse behind, I launched down the hall once again, only stopping to help a half drowned mare that had been assaulted in the bathroom. She spouted something about a super toilet, curled into a ball, and kept repeating “So. Much. Clogging.” Seeing she was no longer in any more danger than we all were, I finally reached my destination, the outer gardens. Indeed, the statue of Discord was shattered, leaving an alabaster white pedestal now made of swiss cheese. I greeted my sister with a nod and together we wordlessly flew to the new center of chaos: Ponyville.

Withholding words is not a sign of a tranquil mind, and mine was built of a thousand raging storms. How could this have happened? How did that monster escape again?

During the first months of my return, I had pitied the creature encased in stone, knowing the feeling of isolation and abandonment which lingered, even in the eternal slumber of the body and mind. I had maintained this position until his first escape. Immediately upon taking his freedom he taunted my sister and the bearers of harmony while I remained asleep.

He had taken the magical elements away and hid them and in a horrible display of treachery and deception, he accomplished this psychologically as well. The greatest threat to him waylaid, he turned his attention on my sister and I. He locked us within our cycles at random intervals, speeding up and slowing down time to fit his mood. It would take us half an hour to walk across a room, then we would fly into multiple walls in a single second. The scum also left our minds unaffected, rendering us unable to compensate for such changes. Awakening to this was quite traumatizing, considering how many times I flew into the ceiling, crashed into the floors in slow motion, and careened through assorted hallways.

My sister managed to retrieve Twilight Sparkle’s friendship reports and send them back to her through her dragon, Spike. Then, we waited. We had no way to know whether or not such an act would result in our salvation, or simply a very disheveled dragon. Our hopes payed off, as the elements of harmony rose from the proverbial ashes and struck Discord down with the full force of Harmony: a beam of pure prismatic power. Hoping to see the monster freed from his chaos, I expected to see a young being in a similar way that I had been released. He was instead bound once again to stone.

*Thu-Thump* *Thu-Thump*

I turn away from my thoughts and look upon the chaos abounding. Buildings twisted and contorted, ponies in fear, fields of lollipops in assorted shapes and colors, and above it all, a sickening pink sky, dotted by cotton candy clouds filled with chocolate rain. In the strange light of the atonal sky, the abomination of chaos speaks.

“Oh, now isn’t this so very delightful. I do hope you didn’t really think that brute force could overcome my stunning wit and charm.” His visage fell, but the traces of mirth in his voice betrayed his joy.

“Do my words not impress you? What about my latest interpretation of Ponyville, hm? Does it not scream chaos?” His visage truly falls now, out of a mask of sadness into genuine boredom. He looks down to me, seemingly having forgotten that he has me by the throat. I struggle more as his unbalanced gaze seems to pierce through me.

“Very well then. I suppose I’ll just have to make things more interesting for you all,” he smarms as his other appendage begins to glow with eldritch energies. I have to buy them all some time to defeat him. I have to do something chaotic. Fight fire with fire, as I am told the recent adage goes. The spell begins to charge in my horn, as I weave a teleport in my mind. A teleport with no coordinates. We could end up anywhere, and I will be stuck with this monster. A worthy sacrifice I think, and at least whatever he decides to do with me will be reversible. He tends to avoid permanent damage for some reason.

Just as my spell completes, his paw touches me, and I feel something wrong. My magic feels off, as if infected by the chaos. It’s too late to stop it now though. An explosion of pink magic surrounds both of us and time seems to slow to a standstill. Now something else feels wrong. No time to concern myself with this, I think as I realize that his claws are off of my throat. I breathe deeply and close my eyes. The danger abated for a moment, and air flowing through my lungs, I regret lunging at the creature in the first place.

*Thu-Thump* *Thu-Thump*

Having just arrived in Ponyville, my sister and I had rushed immediately into magical battle with Discord. He had been easy to find, seeing as he sat upon giant throne surrounded by our subjects driven mad. He easily deflected every attempt at throwing power, but we were able to deflect his attacks as well. That is, until he began reflecting our power toward the ponies we rule.

His own energies changed our attacks - altering a binding spell into one that would wrap the target in ropes, a sleeping spell into a loud snore, and a confusion spell... he left that one alone - and smashed them into the nearest living creatures. When the last hit a young colt, something inside of me broke, the final line keeping me sane. I charged him, intending to spear him with my horn. He managed to catch me midflight, an impressive feat to say the least.

My remembrance is shattered once again as the air is ripped out of my lungs. I realize now that the world has been fading for a few moments, and that my lapse into memory is the fog of air loss leaving. With the mental blur now removed, I am faced with the horrifying truth of my new surroundings. There is only darkness and my beating heart.

*Thu-Thump*

One last beat. Now only the darkness remains.

{Ponyfall lives! We've taken great lengths to improve the collaboration with quality control and general pickyness with our authors, and we're just about to really produce. We have a lot of work put into this, and we hope you all enjoy it.

Extra thanks to TheSlorg for being awesome and pretty much managing everything and keeping us all alive, Ok for running the channel and being a killer mod, J_Xayph, Cheesedeluxe, and even Rainbowdashian (between trolling sprees) for editing, Hivetyrant25 and Silverness for assorted idea bouncing and companionship, and Draequine for providing enough chaos to turn a thousand ships to caramel corn. There are others I should probably thank, but I have the most fail of memories, so sorry if I missed you.

Now then, the rest of this will be in 3rd person subjective from my characters point of view, so don't get too attached to first person flashbackandforthandbackandforth. Hope you enjoyed it, and continue to enjoy it. }

Chapter 1: Perigee Pt 1

A young man lounged in a chair in his backyard, staring into the forest sprawl. “Another day in paradise,” he said to himself with a hint of disdain.

He was stranded here, though he doubted that anywhere else would be better. He was well aware that his issues with this place were entirely in his head, and would follow him wherever he went. He had no reason to be depressed, or at least he hadn't until recently. Prior to this year, he had had a truly good life: very reasonable and loving parents, a beautiful cabin in the woods to live in, no particularly traumatic childhood or adolescent events, not even a broken bone (aside from some minor fracturing to the nose from a rather unfortunate long distance snowball). He sighed.

Why does the world have to be like this? It’s all so... mindless. So mundane. Even the greatest challenges are just grind quests in some pointless game, he mused. He absently stroked his dog’s ears as she rested her head on his lap.

It would be so easy to say game over.

'No! I can’t start going there. Only madness lies that way. Madness and a bloody mess.'

Right, getting out of this mindset...

He had recently come to an understanding of the paradox of such thoughts: to get rid of them, one must accept their presence wholeheartedly. He hadn’t, however, mastered this technique, so he relied on the one he had been using for years.

Closing his eyes, he imagined a console at the tip of his fingers. He typed random patterns and said random words that sounded important. “Alpha nine, subtract file sub-9. Subcon infected.”

‘Error, that was completely pointless. None of that meant anything.’

Screw you subconscious, just shut out that section of the mind.

'Need a good reason.’

To not think about killing myself? I thought we had this settled?

‘Apparently not.’

Fine, screw you, I’ll figure something out.

Being an only child, he had long ago developed very simple ways to keep himself from being lonely, including listening to the obnoxious unfiltered processes in the back of his thoughts. He sighed and pointedly began ignoring his life, staring into the lush green forest in which he lived. He tried not to think of the rut his life had fallen into. He didn’t think of his recent car accident which, while he survived miraculously without a scratch, had totaled his car. He didn’t think of his general failure with women, despite his many attempts at wooing. He especially didn’t think of the hundred dollars that he owed to his former landlord and the good friends he left behind at that house before moving back home as a last ditch effort to curb his depression. He didn’t think about how the sky was now a Pepto-Bismal pink-

Wait, what?

He was interrupted from his internal diatribe when he realized that the sky had gone from a gentle blue to garish fuscia. Josh closed his eyes. He had seen small impossible flashes before, but usually it was the same effect as a camera flash. He still had no cause for these light bursts he had seen, though he theorized that it could be a frying of the optic nerve, or a visual hallucination. Though perhaps it was just eye strain and a tiny fluctuation in ambient light. He opened his eyes to see a clear blue sky, with clouds gently wafting over the treetops.

Right. Need to eat more carrots. And spend less time on the laptop.

‘Like that’s going to happen.’

I hate you sometimes.

‘Only when I’m right, which is always.’

His sour self-retort was stopped short by another flash of pink. He stared into the positively glowing sky.

I may have to actually smash my laptop. I don’t think seeing pink permanently is worth the internet.

'I wish us the best of luck; our best record for being away from the computer is one week.'

The pink disappeared again, replaced by the clear blue sky. The overwhelming smell of fudge began to find its way to the young man's nose.

Great. Olfactory hallucinations too? And now the sky is pink again. Was it something I ate? Or have I just
snapped suddenly?

‘Remember, if zombies appear, act natural and warn them that your mind has snapped. They could be regular people interpreted as a hallucination. And if fog falls... Just run. Don’t talk, don’t look back, run for your life.’
Though why Silent Hill would smell like fudge... Wait, that explains why people don’t just run from it!

As he postulated the possibilities, the canine at his side perked up. He covered his ears, awaiting the barking barrage, and surely enough, it began. She flew from his side, crashing into the grill as she ran to the front of the house. He chuckled lightly, and began to stretch for getting up.

“Lexi! Get your fluffy flank back here! Stop terrorizing the people walking on the road!” He stood and cracked his back. A series of delicious snaps coursed through him as he bent left and right.

Right, best go calm down whoever managed to awaken the sounds of the hounds. The sky returned to normal once again, but the fudge smell became nearly unbearable. His thoughts fell through the delicious aroma.

Note to self: Make fudge brownies tonight. Ooo, lava cake fudge brownies. With cherry chocolate fudge lava. And mousse to top i-

His trail of thought ran into an abrupt stop as he looked into the front yard. There, five feet from the stream that ran in front of his house, lay a body.

Huh, that wasn't there before. Why is there a body in my yard? Wait, why is there a body in my yard!?

'Ok, ok, don’t panic; breathe.'

What if it’s dead!?

‘What if it’s undead?! He swallowed.

How the hell did it get here?

He thought back to the pink sky and the savory fudge smell, which seemed to get stronger once the closer he walked.

Could all be a hallucination, or something unnatural is occurring.

'If it's the former, just wait it out, and check into the mental hospital once it’s passed. Assume it's the latter, you have an oath to fulfill.’

Hey, I never actually made the oath to assist in an abnormal scenario, you just suggested it one day.

‘Fine, whatever, you should talk to it though. If it springs to life though, run. No good can come of this.’ The golden lab was looking over the newcomer, pacing around it three steps back.

“Hello? Are you alright? Don’t worry about the dog, she’s friendly.” Please don’t be a Silent Hill zombie.

“Can you hear me?”

No response.

‘Either unconscious, dead, undead, or deaf.’

Pod person? No, she doesn’t look familiar at all.

‘Couldn’t she just be a normal person?’

Sure, but better safe than sorry.

As he approached, he took notice of the undisturbed tall grasses surrounding this mystery interloper.

‘No grass indentation.’

That eliminates walking, being dragged and used as bait (he took a careful glance around at this thought) and alien abduction victim.

‘No crop circles.’

Time traveler?

‘Possibly.’

Terminator?

‘No, no energy marks or indentations around the area.’

No Tardis... Damn, that’d have been awesome. Hallucination?

‘Best to assume not at this point.’

I must really be bored. Why do I keep jumping to the more ridiculous scenarios today? Oh! Teleport gone wrong perhaps.

‘You're facing adversity with audacity. As to the teleport, technological or magic is the question.’

Now he looked down on the pale white skin.

Not sparkling, so no Twilight vampire.

‘Thank God.’

He prodded the nearest leg with his toe, ready to flee at the first sign of odd behavior. He received no response. He looked her over carefully for wounds.

Young female, age ten to fifteen. Five foot even.

‘Give or take half a foot, you suck at measuring things by eye.’

Wearing a black shiny dress with white crescent moon shapes over the shoulders. No jewelry. Black shoes, flat. Vibrant sky blue hair, lower back length. No sign of struggle, no visible wounds...

“I sound like a bloody medical examiner.” He grinned. “I am nowhere near rambly enough to be Ducky. Maybe Grissom? Oh, right, the girl.” He turned his attention back to the youth, only to notice that she wasn’t breathing.

Shit.

'Right, first check to see if she’s anywhere close to alive.' Josh reached down and felt her hand.

Awaiting zombie mode in three, two, one... Nope, and she’s still warm. Alright, CPR.

'You can do this. You have a certificate!'

He breathed deep and closed his eyes, pulling out all the memories of his training. Leaning down, he checked her pulse at the neck and watched for any possible miniscule breathing.

Pulse! She’s really not breathing though.

'Rescue breaths? Heimlich?'

Frell your memory issues, this is important!

'Right, clear the airways...'

What was the acronym!? NESW? Wait, no, that’s directions.

'This is not the time to panic.‘

This is the perfect time to panic!

’No, we need control.'

... You're right. Subconscious, please suppress all high energy emotional subroutines.

‘Can’t, you need a limiter.’

Disable until mission is completed then.

‘Warning, this may drive your mental issues deeper.’

I don’t care, we need to be able to focus.

‘Understood and agreed. Limiter set.’

He opened his eyes, calm, focused, and numb to his emotions. Reaching down with smooth precision. he tilted the head up and put his ear close to her mouth to listen.

Right, listen, don’t look for breathing. Still nothing. Wait fifteen seconds, then rescue breathe? Screw it, close enough.

He maintained his hands position on her throat for the pulse; he had always been terrible at feeling it in the other two locations.

Huh, pulse just went erratic. Is it supposed to speed up like that? Shouldn’t it slow down if she’s not breathing? Or is that the spike that hits before cardiac arrest... He heard the sudden drawing of breath under his ear.

“Ah, excellent. You’re alive. Wh-” He was interrupted by a deafening blast of voice directly in his ear.

“UNHAND US, THOU VILE WYRM!”

Thoroughly deafened, Josh pulled his face back in shock. Vivid cyan eyes glared back at him, attempting to bore a hole through the back of his head.

So. Pretty... No! Subconscious, disable bug zapper mode!

‘Locking with same limiter... Done.’

He opened his mouth to speak again. It was promptly shut by a solid uppercut by the supine damsel. He stumbled back a few steps, seeing stars and tasting the distinct presence of blood.

Fuck! Subcon, need pain tolerance working overdrive. Also, start a search to find out why I think blood tastes so good.

As he opened his eyes and regained his composure, he assumed a battle stance and turned to his new assailant. She had rolled onto her stomach, and was still glaring at him with unfathomable hate. She attempted to get up, but flopped forward.

He walked forward to help her up smiling as gently as he could.

‘She was just disoriented, that’s all. Whatever happened to her had to be frightening. Don’t take it personally.’ He reached out a hand to her. She grabbed ahold and smiled back. ‘There, see?’ She promptly slammed all of her weight to the side, pulling his arm out of its socket with an extremely painful jolt of pain, with the additional bonus of smashing his face into the ground. He rolled away after breaking her grasp and faced her, expecting her to follow him. She attempted to rise again, only to flop once more to the ground.

“WHAT MANNER OF MONSTROSITY HATH THOU WROUGHT UPON THY FORM!? THOU WERE HIDEOUS BEFORE, AND WE DOTH DECLARE THAT THIS SERVES AS AN IMPROVEMENT UPON THY FACE.”

Great. I’m getting my ass kicked by a little girl yelling in Ye Olde English. He winced. Subcon, I need more pain resistance.

‘Reallocate from mouth?’

Do it, I need to pop this into joint and I can’t let her see weakness.

‘Reallocation complete, fire when ready.’ He worked his jaw steadily, the pain slowly fading back into his conscious
mind.

Huh, that really frelling hurt. He closed his eyes and grimaced, even as his shoulder went numb.

Right, here goes nothing. He prepared to flex the muscles in his right shoulder at the same time as he pressed it back into place with his left hand. A slight straining sensation flowed through him, followed by a visceral "Crack."MOTHEROFALLTHATISCHOCLATEYGOODCLUSTERFUCKINGPAINFUL! he screamed in his mind. PAIN TOLERANCE! 500 PERCENT INCREASE! NOW!

‘Unable to comply, I’m giving it all I’ve got!’

“DID THAT SMART THEE DISCORD? WE WOULD BE OVERJOYED TO DO MUCH WORSE, HAD THOU NOT DONE SOMETHING TO UPSET OUR BALANCE AND DISPOSE OF OUR MAGIC THAT IS.”

Discord? List possibilities in the most pain distracting way possible.

‘Loading... Discord, musical term, used to describe a disharmonious resonance. Associated with chaos. Most recent addition to term in internal dictionary, Discord, God of Chaos in My Little Pony.’

Possibly a similar vein, she did mention magic.

“You think I'm this Discord?” he asked as smoothly and regulated as he could. Show no weakness.

“I KNOW THAT THOU ART DISCORD. THY DISGUISE HATH BEEN FOR NAUGHT!”

Shit, she's heavily confused, possibly insane. How do I convince her...

‘No, don't do it; I'm your own subconscious and we both know that this is a horrible idea.’

Too bad, it needs to be done. Disable all negative feedback factors.

‘You can't!’

I have to calm her down, and if we're angry and hurt, it will only interfere.

‘Fine, but we just got those things back properly.’

I know the potential consequences, I'll deal with them if necessary.

‘Locking all negative feedback protocols into layer one, I hope you know what you're doing.’

You and I both know I don't.

Having stood there silently, with a wash of several emotions crossing his face, he knew that he wasn't inspiring confidence of his sanity in the young girl. His face now placid and calm, he spoke again, fighting back straggling reactions. “I am not Discord, nor am I sure of who he is, who you are, or even where you're from.”

“LIES!” she said as she spat in his direction. A small bit landed on his face.

A flash of anger registered inside him, but he quickly suppressed it. This mustn't register on an emotional level. First, close distance. Misdirect to the right, swerve left. Suppress target. Damage done, none. Ability to attack with saliva, decimated.

With that in mind, he feigned a forward charge straight at the intruder. She flinched back in surprise, but quickly positioned herself to turn his attack for her own purpose. A moment before entering her range, he dodged left and rolled, landing behind her. She yelped in surprise, but wasn't in any position to counter. He reached around quickly and brought her into a firm but gentle headlock with his good arm.

“Now then, I have you entirely at my mercy, and I am not hurting you. Is there any way I can convince you I am not your enemy?” he gently intoned to her ear. As he was consciously slowing his breath and heart rate, he pulled in air deeply through his nose.

Her hair smells like a warm fall evening. How is that even possible? Why am I even thinking of that?

‘Because you're a pedophile, obviously.’

Fuck you, I am no such thing.

‘Care to explain that to your body?’

That giddy warm feeling is from the adrenaline I swear, now drop it.

‘Sure thing, Pedobear.’

As she struggled against his headlock, she kicked upward into his more sensitive areas. That is going to hurt like hell the second I drop my guard, he winced.

“NOT A THING COMES TO MIND, THOU INSUFFERABLE ATONAL ABOMINATION!”

“Atonal, huh? Tell me, does your dear Discord sing?”

She grimaced deeply, both from his use of “dear” and the memory of the chaotic God's original reign.

“Yes,” she said, the word dripping with a modicum of disgust and a touch of fear. He barely heard it though, with one ear damaged from the constant yelling. He realized that this was the first time her voice was not a blooming crescendo of pain. Her voice was also slightly familiar.

“Not well, I take it?”

"No."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Halfway across the world, a man dressed as a fish sneezed, shrugged, and began cheerfully singing a mindrending off key rendition of “Barbie Girl.”

End Chapter 1 PT.1

{Right then. Sorry about the horrific delays, I'll be posting a blog about that soon. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!}

Chapter 1: Perigee Pt 2

“How about I sing you a song, then? If I let you go and back away slowly, do you promise not to hit me again?”

“No! No singing! We have seen the sane prostrate themselves before thy voice alone!”

Josh grinned with a hint of vindictive joy at her newfound fear. The malicious smile grew as the young man unceremoniously dropped his headlock, and as she tumbled to the ground, he sprang out of range once again. She quickly regained as much composure as she could, and lurched forward. Falling flat on her face once again, she flung her arms to cover her head and resigned herself to her musical fate.

Now, what to sing? Quicklist everything we have memorized that's in our tone range.

‘Too long, we'd all starve to death before I finished.’

Fine, top five.

‘“Fly” from Jars of Clay.’

Too sad.

‘That eliminates “The Lighthouse” by Nickle Creek too I assume?’

You've got it.

‘“Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny?”’

God no, I completely doubt she'd get the references.

‘“Phantom of the Opera?”’

Maybe, what's left?

‘“Bodies, Drowning Pool.”’

We're trying to convince her I'm NOT some kind of chaotic being.

‘“Phantom of the Opera” it is then. “Music of the Night” is your most practiced.’

He breathed deep, and without further thought or warmup, he began. He kept his voice at an even keel, trying to stay low. At the chorus, he had to switch to a higher pitch, but was too lost in the music in his head to notice. When he was done, he trailed off with the last words of the song, eyes closed and throat stinging.

‘That’s what you get for singing without warmup.’

Worth it.

He opened his eyes to gauge his audience’s reaction. Luna stood there, face impassive and impossible to read. At least, impossible to read until he saw the glittering moisture playing at her eyes.

‘Right, tears. Sadness, happiness, or generally impressed?’

Why are you asking me? You’re the subconscious, this is your department.

‘You know damn well why. We can’t read anything off non-verbals.’

Right... better ask then?

As he opened his mouth to speak, he was cut off. “Thou art truly not Discord, the vile one.”

She liked it! My singing voice was victorious. He donned a giant grin.

“Thy singing was not terrible, though we have heard much better.” His grin became faked, but he didn’t allow it to show on his face. “Twas such a magnificent song though. Dost thou... dost thou truly feel that way about the night?”

Huh?

He began pacing a long train through his thoughts, trying to find the truth. He stared straight ahead into nothing in particular, absent mindedly stroking his beard in contemplation. Seeing that he was making a genuine effort to answer her question, Luna sat peacefully, awaiting a response. Her adrenaline had already begun to wear off, and it was at this calm that she began to notice something was wrong. Josh remained oblivious to this though, and continued pondering the question in his mind.

Do we feel that about the night?

‘Isn’t the answer an obvious “yes?”’

Well yeah, but it seems too cheap to answer that with the obvious.

‘... Why must you make everything so complicated?’

Because that’s how I roll?

‘I hate you sometimes.’

Cheap easy answer then?

‘Go for it.’

The young woman began to stir and shift, the hint of panic plainly visible to the observant. Josh, unfortunately, believed himself exceedingly observant of many things, but non-verbal communication was not one of them. This panic built slowly as she finally received a proper glimpse of her feet. Up until now, she had been moving entirely on instinct, attempting to stand with legs unfamiliar without giving a second thought. A scream strangled itself in her throat when she lifted two hands in front of her face. Her already pale visage blanched. She suddenly felt like throwing up, screaming, and passing out. It was at this inopportune moment that Josh decided to answer.

“Would it be too simple to say ‘yes?’ I could go into detail of ‘Why?’, but would it be sufficien-” He was cut off by a primal scream, one fueled by the same force that had shattered his hearing earlier. Had he been able to hear it, it would have spoken of fear, despair, guilt, and loss. Instead, he heard pain as his left ear ceased total function for what he hoped would only be the remainder of the day.

“WHAT AM I?!” she yelled in a voice to pierce the heavens.

Birds that had returned to the trees after the young duo’s bout took flight once more. Josh took this in stride, pain from his ear receding into the depths of his mind.

Shit, she’s not in her base form. That eliminates a few scenarios at least. List please?

‘Dimensional shift with a different dimensional standard, temporal alteration with a form change, alien teleportation accident, or you’re still completely nuts.’

Knock it off, we agreed to not consider that last one. We need to calm her down, fast.

‘Hugs?’

... Fine. Prepare some more pain tolerance, this might not go so well.

He walked over to the girl, draped his good arm around her, and pulled her in tight. Tears welled in her eyes, which overflowed when she realized why he wasn’t using the other arm.

“Strange creature, why art thou being so gentle? I hath hurt thee, shouted at thee, struck out in confusion and rage, and yet thee remain. I know not who thou art, much less you of me,” she quietly managed to say between sobs.

“I’m someone who can understand. That’s all that you need to know right now,” he intoned into her ear. He stroked her hair gently, somewhere beneath all his suppressed thoughts still pondering how it could be so soft and shiny, disheveled as it was, as she sobbed and wrung her hands together. She gasped deeply. He braced for another yell which never came. She reached up to her forehead and patted around, searching. Curious, I wonder what she’s looking for. Having not found whatever it was, she sunk down lower than before, and began sobbing anew.

“What is thy name?” she asked, breaking the silent tension.

“Josh. Joshua Hallern.”

“I require a distraction, lest fear overwhelm me. Wouldst thou humor us with the meaning of such an exotic moniker?”

Exotic? She’s obviously not from around here.

‘No shit, Sherlock.’

“Sure. Lets see... Hallern means tired, weary.... Joshua means defender, or at least it does in the language that my parents intended to use it from. My mother originally thought I was going to be a girl, so my name was planned to be ‘Jerusha Shalem Hallern.’ I kept the middle name though, which means peace. And my original name was to be a pun, because ‘Jerusalem’ is a city, whose symbol is the moon and stars. I guess all in all, I am ‘the peaceful defender of the weary night sky.’”

He grinned, having mixed more forms of etymology than he had previously thought possible. The young woman pulled back, having completely stopped crying, and stared at him with wide eyes.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“Not a thing, though we are once again baffled by the feeling that the universe seems to have a sense of humor. A dry one, at that. It is our pleasure to meet you, Joshua. We… I, am Luna.” She paused dramatically, pulling her shoulders back to a more regal posture. “Princess of the night… why art thou staring at us, I mean me, like that?”

His face betrayed him at long last, his forehead stretched and eyes open. If his jaw wasn’t already tensing from its previous abuse, his mouth would have been hanging agape.

No way. Luna. THE Luna. From My Little Pony. Here. Kicking me around and listening to my horrible singing. What are the odds?

‘One hundred billion, sixty nine million, forty three thousand, five hundred six to one.’

You made that up.

‘Yes, yes I did. Sounds about right though.’

… Honestly, did you know about this? And how did I not see it?

‘I had a feeling, yes. The Royal Canterlot Voice, the blue hair, the archaic English. Nothing substantial enough to mention, though. As to you, you were a little distracted getting roughed up.’

Fair enough. The “Music of the Night” and the outcome of my name?

‘Fortuitous coincidences actually. Hmm, in retrospect, I agree with her comment. The universe seems to be screwing with us.’

How… how do we react to this? When it was a random person in a fictional situation, I could manage. But we know her. We know about her and her world.

‘I don’t know, but we should give her an answer, she’s looking at us funny.’

He shook his head to clear the shock, took his arm from around her, and shifted his body into a kneel. “Your Majesty, the pleasure is all mi-” He paused as he felt the light burn of his arm and the dead silence in his ear. “It’s an honor,” he corrected.

She winced, acknowledging the injuries as the source of his change in words. “Rise, kind gentle… thing. Please, call me Luna. What is thy kind called, if I may ask?”

“My species is called human. Our species now, I guess” he said. “I’m honestly not sure how to handle this situation.” It was a true admission, though he knew that she would only know a fraction of why.

“I am rather impressed that thou hath handled it thus far as well as thou have. I was beginning to believe that this was a common occurrence by thy lack of reaction. Though I am curious as to why thou reacted to my name, previous to my title.”
a
We can’t tell the truth. We can’t lie. We can’t stay silent or avoid the subject. A little help please?

‘When in doubt, be enigmatic.’

He breathed as deeply as he could, trying to find the right words. “I hope you don’t mind me answering your query with a question. If you knew something... something massive. Something that would redefine every bit of a person’s… “pony's,” history, beliefs, and perceptions, how would you let them know?”

She sat back, curiosity and suspicion playing at her expression. She rolled her eyes upward, thinking through the question.

Ohgodohgodohgod.

“I believe… I wouldst ask them the same riddle as thou have.” Her mouth curled to form a a sly grin, and she raised one eyebrow.

‘Great, she’s answering enigma with enigma. She has thousands of years of experience on her side, we can’t win this.’

He swallowed hard. “I see. And how would you tell them this great secret?”

She remained silent, looking deep into his eyes.

Can she read minds?! Quick, lockdown all the information we have on this.

‘I locked it the second we found out who she was.’

Josh attempted to remember anything about the show, but received only vague bits of information for his efforts. Luna at last broke the silence.

“Thou art quite a skillful truth-keeper. Many would have broken immediately under such a close watch.” She relaxed her position and pulled closer to him, leaning forward on her hands. Her eyes never strayed though, and he began feeling the pressure to release every secret he had ever kept.

I need something to say to her, something big enough to make her not want to ask anything else for a while.

‘There’s no magic on Earth? Unicorns and pegasi don’t exist here? The orbital structure of the universe? The devastation of nuclear weaponry?’

No way on any of those. Something simple. We want to satiate her curiosity, not put her back into a nervous breakdown.

She continued to lean in, bringing her face within an inch of his, eyes narrowing slightly.

Ohgodshe’srightthere… I could kiss her, she’s so close. And so beautiful.

‘Do anything and I’ll make sure you regret it.’

I know, I wouldn’t. I won’t. I can’t. I must not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little de-

She leaned forward even further, nose touching his, her narrowed eyes forming a sharp glare.

“Augh!” He screamed and flailed his one good arm, falling backwards and blushing profusely. She rolled onto her back, laughing.

“Thou art indeed a vault of secrecy and master of restraint," she flattered. "None I have ever faced could both resist relinquishing their secrets, and attempting to give an intimate kiss to one of their ageless goddesses.” Her voice sparkled with mirth, as well as what should have been a disturbing sultry undertone.

“I can’t! It wouldn’t be right! You’re too young for me!” He gasped as words finally left his mouth after such an intense silence, coupled with shock over what she was saying.

“Too young? Unless mine eyes deceive me, thou art rather young. I, on the other hoof, am over three thousand years old, and back to my fully grown form from a recent bout of youth.”

He frowned, and forced himself to look at her for a second appraisal.

‘There’s no doubt about it, she’s under sixteen. And you’re staring at her again. Creeper.’

Shutupshutupshutup. For the love of all that is wonderful in the world, will you PLEASE shut up.

“Apparently, something happened when whatever brought you here changed you. Your body is… young here.”

She frowned as well, and looked over to him. “How young?”

“I don’t know if there’s any kind of conversion difference in your years, but before the age of human full maturity. By about five Earth years I assume.”

Her eyes went wide once more. “Not again! We just returned from the preternatural youth that occurred after the elements released us!”

Feign ignorance, feign ignorance, feign ignorance…

“Curse that monster! We knew we felt different as that spell completed! Just like him, to regress our age to make us impotent to the task at hand. He is indeed the dark master of strategy!” She grimaced and clenched her fists towards the sky.

Khaaaaaaan!

‘Hush you, she’s going through emotional stuff, we don’t need to mock her for it.’

Sorry, sorry. It was too perfect to pass up.

“We… I’m sorry, I, am sorry to have created such an awkward moment for thou.”

“Apology accepted. I’m sorry that you have to suffer youth once again. At least your English is getting more modern since Nightmare Night.”

Her eyes lit up as he realized what he said. “Thou know about us! That is why thee was affected by our name prior to our title! What else doth thou know?” Her joy at the discovery faded, and was replaced immediately by utter suspicion. “How doth thou know?”

Shiiiiiiiit. Deep breath in, relax, take the plunge.

“That would be the life changing secret that I hold. It’s… too big. I can’t let you know, not without preparation. You’ve had far too many revelations today, and far more to come, I assume.”

Luna held her suspicion for a moment more, before allowing her scrutiny to fall to fatigue. “Thou art correct. I am weary, as your name suggested, and not sufficient to hold such an apparently massive change in understanding.” She returned herself to a sitting position, leaning forward on her hands.

Oh! She’s using them to sit on four limbs the way she normally would!

‘Took you long enough.’

“Would… would you like to come inside? We could have something to eat, and you could rest. Unless you’re planning to return to Equestria already?”

She snorted, a sad grin gracing her face. “Thou reveal more that thee know. Alas, would that I could. I know not where I am, nor where my world is in comparison. Even having said information, I lack my horn. I lack my magic. I… I’m powerless.” Tears began to flow down the dried channels on her face. Josh sat up and hugged her once again, this time pushing past the pain in his arm to give her a full embrace. She relaxed into it, and pulled together her composure.

“Some food and rest doth sound wondrous, if it would not impose too heavily on thy hospitality.”

“Not at all. It’s not every day that I get to serve royalty. Just Fridays.” He said this as straight as he could, but ended up laughing.

“Thank you, thy wit is as comforting as thy hospitality. Tis interesting, we seem to have the same names for days in our worlds.”

“That is weird. Must be a dimensional default or something.” She cocked her head to the side. “Ignore it when I say things like that. I speak a lot of gibberish. You’ll get used to it.”

“T'would take some time,” she said wistfully.

“You’ll have plenty. Assuming you agree to my continued company, you can stay with me for as long as you need.” Her eyes flew open in surprise, her mouth tripping over her words..

“Thou surely doth jest! It could be years! I could be stuck here for a lifetime! A… lifetime… without my friends… or my sister…” Her head drooped, and tears threatened anew.

Before she could think too heavily on that, he reached out and nudged her head up gently by the chin. “I mean it. I swear on my honor that I will be with you until you no longer have need of me. I do not waste empty words and promises. I already knew that it might be a lifetime commitment as I offered. Come on, let’s get you inside.”

He leaned back on one arm and jumped to a standing position. Luna attempted to do the same, instead falling flat on her back. “Ouch.”

“Oh, right, new body, new legs...” He reached out to her, hand outstretched. She took it tentatively, attempting to grasp it and failing miserably. “... and new hands. I’ll make sure to get you acquainted with those when we have a chance.”

She looked down at the foreign limbs. “Is that what these talon-like appendages art titled?”

The young man reached with his bad arm, adjusting to make sure that the least possible force would be put on it. “Put your feet… lower hooves, in front of you. I’ll pick you up on them.” She nodded and rearranged her body accordingly. He leaned back, allowing gravity to do all the work, and gently pulled her to standing. Slinging her arm over his shoulder, he turned them around towards the cabin.

“Humans are bipedal, so we’re kind of like young dragons in the way we walk. Take it nice and easy, I have you if you stumble.” She faltered as she walked, but true to his word, Josh kept her balanced.

It’s just like having a child. Baby steps, take it one step at a time, I’m here for you if you need me. He smiled at the thought. It’s nice having someone to be there for.
After ten or so steps, he realized that there was something missing. A large yellow fluffy something. “Hold on for just a second Princess, I have someone for you to meet. Lexi! Where are you?”

Luna’s curiosity mingled with fear in her voice. “Who is this ‘Lexi?’ Are they friendly?”

“You’ll see. And yes, she's extremely friendly. She might attempt to love you to death though.” He caught a tiny patch of yellow out of the corner of his eye, lurking under the broken down Jeep Cherokee that lived in the yard. “There you are. No need to hide. C’mooooon fwuffy, come meet our new friend!” His silly tone of voice enticed the canine out of hiding, who cautiously crawled from her cover.

Luna was ecstatic. “Oh! Hello there canis familiarous! Who is an adorable yellow female! Thou are, indeed thou are!”

Dog person, good to know. Good thing too, whenever we get into town, she’ll have to contend with the other four... Wait, she knows Latin?

“Heh, looks like she got scared off by our little tussle.” He clicked his tongue, and his faithful fluffball charged into him, jumping up and draping her arms on his shoulders. His six foot high shoulders. “Gah, no jumping up! Yes, I love you, now get off!” Luna just stared.

“That... is a rather large dog.” She reached her hand out, formed into a light fist. “Nice… canine?”

Lexi looked at her and dropped down from Josh. She looked at the reaching arm, but kept her distance. “You might want to uncurl your hand. It’s a sign of aggression here,” Josh informed her. Luna looked at him quizzically, and remembered that she didn’t have a hoof anymore. She relaxed her hand, letting it hang lamely. Lexi walked up, and placed her head under the limp hand. She howled joyfully, causing Luna to retract her hand in fear.

“Don't worry, that means she likes you.”

“I... see. Howling means pleasure in this world?”

Bow chicka wowow.

'Pervert.'

“Not usually, but Lexi here likes to sing a lot. Shame we can't understand what she's saying.”

Luna's stomach growled, pulling Josh's focus back to their goal.

“Right, we were heading to the house.”

As he led her to the door, something was playing at the back of his mind. The feeling that he was forgetting something vitally important.

'How about the fact that there are pelts hanging on the walls.'

Schist!

A manic grin descended onto his lips, the rest of his face filled with barely suppressed terror. “Here, take a seat for a minute. The house isn't clean enough to receive guests, especially royalty!”

“Do not trouble yourself on my account. I truly doth require rest more than pristine conditions.”

Lockdown panic.

'You're going to have hell trying to-'

JUST DO IT!

'Fine! Jeeze. Done.'

His face receded back to the mask of serenity, any trace of frustration gone from his voice. “Please, trust me. This needs to be done. It won't take long. You can enjoy the hammock while you're waiting.” He opened his hand towards the stand alone hammock that his family had purchased years ago.

Luna decided she was too tired to argue the point. “How does one utilize this 'haymoch'? It appears to be a cot of some kind, is it not?”

“Yes, but infinitely more relaxing. Just lie down and rock from side to side a bit.” He relaxed his shoulders as she complied, and began to truly smile as she swayed gently for a few moments and then passed out.

'Well that buys us the time we need. Hopefully she'll be in a better mood after a nap as well.'

After making sure she was fast asleep, he attempted to open the door quietly. He failed miserably, as the resulting screech from the hinges spurred a grunt and a moan from the slumbering princess. He cringed, but she mumbled for a moment, then rolled slightly and started to snore. He walked into the room and eyed the faux fur carpet and the all too real pelts adorning the walls. They were from creatures with natural deaths, but he had always felt a little disrespectful having them splayed for display purposes. Not that he had any choice, he wasn't in charge of his family’s decorating scheme, and had to admit that it made the cabin feel woodsy.

“Right, gotta hide these.”

'Don't forget the mounted hummingbirds and butterflies.'

“Right, those too. But where? Linen closet?”

'She'd accidentally run into them at a hilariously awkward time. Try the storage chests downstairs.'

"We have storage chests down there? Oh Yeah! Geeze, those have been buried under dad's assorted projects long enough that I'd forgotten.”

'Which is why it's a perfect place to hide everything. Best hide your Luna plushie too.'

“Oooo, good idea. That'd have been awkward as hell.”

'You're still standing in the doorway like an idiot. Get moving!'

"Right! Sorry!”

As he went about stowing the morbid loot, his mind wandered to the slumbering princess.

“So, how are we going to handle this?”

'You mean in general or something specific?”

“You know what I mean already before I ask.”

'I'm being polite and keeping the conversation going. I could interrupt you with all the answers if you prefer.'

“Fine, in general then. I never expected to actually have to deal with something fiction worthy happening. I prepared for years as a distraction from my problems, but almost all of that is moot when it comes to the real thing.”

'Kept you from freaking out at least. Well, about the nature of the situation at least.'

“Hmm. We never did eliminate the other options, did we?”

'No, and I just realized a new problem. How do we explain this to mom and dad?'

“Crap, you're right. Well, we need time to get her settled down. We can think up an alibi while we're at it.” As Josh finished this personal conversation, he reached for the phone and dialed the number from memory.

“Hey, this is Eric,” the voice boomed from the other end of the line.

“Hey dad. How goes the looney bin?”

“You shouldn't call it that. Anyway, crazy day today. The ward is overflowing with new patients.”

“Huh. Mandatory overtime for you and mom then?”

“Looks like it. Sorry, but it looks like you're stuck up in the canyon for the night. We could try to come get you tom-”

Josh interrupted him. “That's perfectly fine. For that matter, could you stay in tomorrow too? Something’s come up.”

“... Uh huh. What exactly is that?”

Shiiit.

“I'll tell you later?”

“Why does that worry me more?”

“Because you're perceptive. Alright, first I need to get something out of the way. Do you have any escaped patients that think they're the goddess of the night?”

“... No, why do you ask?”

'Smooth move there. Cover, now.'

We can't lie to him! He already knows something's amiss. Cassandra truth then. There is refuge in audacity.

'Stop with the tropes already! This is real life!'

"Curiosity. Writing for a fic.”

“Yeah, not buying that.”

Josh sighed and drew a deep breath. “I can't really explain now. I tell you what, I'll tell you everything when you come up in two days. When you get here, I'll be giving you both some 'sit down for this' worthy news. I'll be bold faced lying to your face, but I need you to back me up. Afterwards, I'll tell you the real story. Deal?”

“That'll have to do. No promises on backing up your lie, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I have to get back to work, so I'll see you in a few days.”

Phew! Thank God that worked.

“Thanks dad. Oh, bring up some food when you come up. I have the feeling the fridge will be out by then.”

“You've got it. Oh, and Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Be careful, and take good care of this mysterious fiction girl of yours. Bye.”

Before Josh could respond, he heard the “hang up the damn phone” tone that for some reason started immediately on the cabin's land line after a call was finished.

How in hell did he figure that one out? I mean, the one clue was obvious enough, but he put that together way too quickly.

'Because he's dad the all knowing. Fear his mighty deductive reasoning.'

He chuckled as he finished tossing the last pelt into the hidden cabinet and buried it in the myriad of long forgotten projects.

“So, what do we do now? Wake her up? Start dinner?”

'We need support. Call her.'

“Who?”

'The only one who will believe us. The only one who has the legal expertise to know what we need.'

“I know who you're talking about, but continue. I like your epic speech mode.” He began humming the opening of the Skyrim theme.

'One who dabbles in fantasy and myth, who breaches the border between science and magic. Who heals the law with one hand, and ignores the laws of the universe with the other. The one we call...”

He paused the inner monologue a moment for dramatic effect..

'Poodles!'

Josh's goofy grin drooped and he shook his head.

"... Well that was certainly anticlimactic.”