It was a sunny afternoon in the Crystal Empire. In the grand palace, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance were just sitting down for afternoon tea, like they would normally do every day now that there was no longer anything to worry about, no fear that Discord, Sombra, or any other foe would show up and cause panic in Equestria. It felt relaxing to just sit down on a quiet day and have some tea and biscuits.
Shining Armor took a sip of Early Gray. “Dear?”
“Yes?” asked Cadance.
“Do you ever feel as if something bad is on the way?”
Cadance giggled. “There’s no need to worry! Everything’s going to be alright. There have been no signs of a villainous threat.”
“I don’t know” said Shining Armor worriedly. “I just think that something bad is about to come. Sometimes things happen when you’re not ready for it.”
“Come on, it’s almost the three year anniversary of our wedding? You didn’t see that coming, did you? Calm down.”
“All right, all right” he said, looking down. “there’s nothing for me to be scared about. We’re having tea, the most peaceful and quiet time of day. Nothing bad will happen now.” The two resumed their afternoon tea.
Then, a knock came on the door. “I’ll get it!” said Cadance, and she walked over to the door. She opened it and saw a scroll floating in a cloud of green smoke. “What’s this, a letter?” she took the scroll and read it. She saw that it was for Shining Armor. “Shine Shine, there’s a letter for you!”
Shining Armor took the scroll and unrolled it. “For me, eh? What is it, a coupon?” he read it aloud. “Dear Shining Armor, my... boo bear?” Shining Armor’s eyes widened. “Uh-oh. I hope this isn’t who I think it is!”
“Just keep reading.”
He resumed reading. “I want you to know that I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. I haven’t seen you since the royal wedding incident. Because of this, I’m coming to visit your place tomorrow to see how much you’ve grown! I’m very sure I will have a lot of fun with you and your bride Cadence. Dang it! She got your name wrong! XOXO, Twilight... TWILIGHT VELVET?!” Shining Armor screamed at the top of his lungs. “THAT’S WHY I FELT LIKE SOMETHING WAS WRONG! THIS IS HORRIBLE! I’D RATHER HAVE CHRYSALIS OVER THAN HAVE MY MOM COME OVER HERE! SHE’LL EMBARRASS ME RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! YOU’LL NEVER LOOK AT ME THE SAME WAY AGAIN! NOOOOOOO!!!!!”
“Why? Why is this so embarrassing?” Cadance said calmly. “Worry not, dear? I’ll always see you as my groom.”
“You don’t understand!” Shining Armor told her. “She’ll tell a bunch of embarrassing stories about my childhood and force me to eat my vegetables! And then there’s the most embarrassing part that I never dare tell you about! The thing I’ve kept a secret all of my life! Not even Night Light or Twilight Sparkle know about it! And I will never tell you because it’s so embarrassing! But now my mom might do it again! I know she will!”
“Listen to me now. If it’s so embarrassing I doubt she’ll do it this time.”
“I know she will! She used to do it to me every night before I moved away!”
“What, a goodnight kiss? That’s not embarrassing at all!” Cadance said in confusion.
“No, it’s not a goodnight kiss! It’s something bad! Very bad! And very embarrassing! You’ll tease me about it!” Shining Armor was very worried, and he felt like he was about to start panicking.
Cadance understood his pain. “I won’t tease you about that, I’m not that kind of pony.”
“Still, it’s very embarrassing. And I know that she is going to reveal it.”
For the rest of that day Shining Armor was worried about his mother and Cadance knowing about the most embarrassing part of his childhood. He knew that it would happen, and that Cadance would laugh. The worrying went on until night, as Shining Armor was kept awake in fear of his mother’s visit. However, as he kept tossing and turning, trying to get it off his mind, his worried mind exhausted him, and he fell asleep.
***
The next morning, Shining Armor was still shaking. At lunch, he kept going on about what embarrassing things would happen to him later in the day.
"So first, she's gonna make me dress up in a goofy outfit. The she's gonna put on the embarrassing LP, Tyler Teddy Bear's sing-along songs for young Fillies, and make us sing along and dance to all the songs on both side A and side B, which is all 17 3-minute songs!"
Cadance rolled her eyes and raised her hoof to talk, but Shining Armor stopped her and continued blabbing about his evil mother.
"Then she's gonna force me to eat my vegetables at dinner! And then she's going to make a pink bubble bath for me and then at bedtime she'll-"
"CALM DOWN, FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!!" Shouted Cadance like Shining Armor had never heard before. "It's not forever! I won't talk about it after she's gone! It's just for two days and one night! No big deal! It's not like it's three weeks long!"
"Don't make me give in! I know that-"
DING-DONG!
"Oh, great" said Shining Armor, and he felt bummed and defeated. He grumpily walked over toward the door, and opened it, and was immediately welcomed by a giant hug as Twilight Velvet's arms squeezed his body tight.
"Oh, it's my baby colt! I'm so happy to see you again sweetie pie!" she gave him a bunch of kisses on the cheek. Shining Armor was too distracted to see and hear Cadance giggle a little.
"Mom, I've grown!" he shouted.
"Oh yes you have! I am so proud you have gotten married! And I think your bride is beautiful!" Twilight Velvet walked over to Cadance. "It's nice to meet you for real this time" she said, shaking the princess's hoof.
"Have a seat down, Twilight. I want to get to know you more." Cadance saw Shining Armor mouth the word no, but they sat down and talked anyway. "Shiny dear, you sit down too." Shining Armor sat down, ready to be humiliated in front of his wife.
Twilight took a seat and started to talk about Shining Armor, who rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well, Cadance, one step in being married is knowing many things about them! And I have a lot of stories to tell you about him when he was a little baby. Look at this!" suddenly, there was a green flash, and a photo in a picture frame appeared in front of Cadance. "This is Shining Armor on his second birthday party! Look at all the frosting all over his face!" Cadance saw him cringing in the chair next to her. Then Twilight made another picture appear in a green flash. "And this right here is his first grade yearbook picture! A funny story about this is that he was sick the day he was supposed to get his sophomore year picture taken, so instead of using his freshman picture, Night Light sent in this one in instead, and it actually got printed!"
Cadance laughed. "I do remember that back when we were dating in high school, you know."
"How did you find that, mom? I ripped the dumb page out my yearbook!" said Shining Armor, annoyed and embarrassed at the same time.
Twilight took out another picture. "And this is him on his middle school gridiron team!"
"It's FOOTBALL!" said Shining Armor in a loud and frustrated tone.
"Oh, sorry for the mispronunciation" she said. "And here is a photo from when he was a junior and for reading received the Dari-"
"Can we stop looking at photos and just do something else?" he asked.
"Oh, I know what we can do!" just then, out of a cloud of green smoke, an LP appeared. Shining Armor knew what it was, looking at the label, he saw that it was "Tyler Teddy Bear's sing-along songs for young fillies".
"Oh, please, not now" he groaned, hanging his head. Twilight Velvet put it in a record player. All of a sudden, an unexpected rock song started playing.
"Oh, sorry about that!" she said, and her horn lit up green. This made Cadance really suspicious, as her mother-in-law's horn didn't usually light up green like that. Then a song that was actually on the original LP came on.
A filly choir started singing the first track. "If you go out in the woods today, you're in for a big surprise..."
"Mom! I HATE this song! I HATE this LP! It's stupid!" Shining Armor shouted.
Twilight velvet was shocked. "But... but baby, I thought you loved this album!"
"Well, I wasn't even in grade school yet! Now I've grown! I don't need to listen to those baby songs anymore!"
"Oh, ok... then what DO you want to listen to?" she asked.
"I don't want to listen to music anymore! Now excuse me while I go talk to Cadance in private?"
"Ok, honey."
Cadance and Shining Armor walked upstairs and entered his room. He started talking. "What are your thoughts on me now that all this embarrassing stuff has been revealed to you by my mom?"
Cadance wrapped a hoof around his neck. "Darling, I don't think of you differently in any way. You will always be my husband, and I will always be your bride. I promise I won't tease you about anything that I found out about from your mother."
"But what about the embarrassing thing from my childhood! I'll bet you'll laugh at that! It's so ridiculous yet it traumatizes me to this day!"
Cadance raised an eyebrow. "Really? What is it?"
"I can't tell you now! You'll have to wait till tonight!" said Shining Armor.
"Oh, ok..." she responded, "But I do have a suspicious feeling about your mother. She doesn't seem right. Not like she usually is."
"Really? How?"
"I... I don't know, really. It's like she's not your mother."
"Well, of course she is!" he convinced her. "If she's not my mother, then how would she know about all of the embarrassing things from my childhood? She is!"
"Then I guess you're right" said Cadance, "but I'm still suspicious for some reason. Oh well. Maybe it's just me."
Just then, Twilight Velvet called Shining Armor upstairs. "Shiny, Captain Firefly and her Firefly Rangers is on TV!"
"Oh, boy!" he said excitedly, and ran downstairs.
***
It was time for dinner, and Twilight was cooking for Shining Armor and Cadance, who were sitting at the table.
"I hope she doesn't make 'Smiley Potatoes'" Shining Armor told Cadance, who giggled a bit. "It's not funny! It's embarrassing! Stop it!" Just then, Twilight came to the table and put down plates of tofu and asparagus.
"Now remember Shiny" she said, "If you don't eat your asparagus, you don't get dessert!" Shining Armor then simply started eating his asparagus, but then his mother started to sing about it. "When a big boy eats his vege-ta-bles, a fa-"
"Donth thing thath!" shouted Shining Armor with a mouthful of chewed up asparagus, spitting some of it out.
"But you're a big boy, and you're eating your vegetables!"
"We'll that doesn't mean you should sing that song again!" he said, and he resumed eating his dinner. There was no conversation throughout the rest of dinner, which was surprising, as he had expected her to start telling more embarrassing stories. At the end of dinner, she brought dessert over to the table.
"Oh boy, brownies!" shouted Cadance, but right before she was about to take a bite, Shining Armor stopped her.
"Don't eat those!" he said, waving his hooves in her face. "Those brownies are probably stuffed with spinach!" she took a bite anyway.
"Oh, dear, these Brownies are delicious! There's no spinach in them!" she finished her brownie and then grabbed another one. Just to make sure, Shining Armor took a bite out of one. And sure enough, it was just a regular brownie.
"Huh?" he was surprised. "Mom, why didn't you stuff these brownies with vegetables?"
"Well... um... I... uh..." Twilight seemed hesitant. "I... um... you're a big boy now, so you can eat your brownies regularly."
Shining Armor knew something wasn't right. "But... but if I'm a big boy, doesn't that mean I must eat my vegetables?"
"Umm... well... guess I forgot to. Oh well." Twilight went to grab a brownie, but by now Cadance had eaten all of them. However, now Cadance knew that Shining Armor was starting to get suspicious as well. What could this mean? Had she changed somehow? Both of them were very puzzled about what was going on, but they decided to just go with the flow anyway.
***
That night, Twilight Velvet was tucking Shining Armor and Cadance into bed. Twilight had brought the book The Giving Tree along with her, as she used to read it to him every night when he was a kid.
As Twilight read aloud to Shining Armor, Cadance noticed that Shining Armor was worried for some reason, as if something horrible was about to happen. However, it was towards the end of the night, and after Twilight was done reading she would kiss him goodnight and turn out the light, and soon he would be sound asleep. However, it appeared that he knew that the worst moment was about to happen, which could probably be that embarrassing thing he was telling her earlier.
"The end." said Twilight Velvet, and she closed the book and gave her son a kiss goodnight. Then she got up and started heading toward the door, but right before she turned out the light, she looked at Shining Armor, who was trembling in fear and sweating, the covers pulled up above his snout so only his eyes and the top of his head were peeking out. "If you get out of bed again tonight..." she said, turning around the book to show him the back cover, "You'll probably run into Shel Silverstein in the hallway." and then she turned out the light and closed the door.
Cadance was startled by her husband's bloodcurdling scream.
Shining Armor completely flipped out. “SEE? SEE? THAT IS WHAT THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING WAS! I HAVE SHELSILVERSTEINOPHOBIA! HE LOOKS MORE LIKE A BURGLAR OR A PIRATE THEN SOMEONE WHO SHOULD BE WRITING BOOKS FOR FILLIES! MY MOM HAD BEEN TELLING THAT TO ME EVERY NIGHT BEFORE I GO TO BED! SINCE I WAS FOUR ALL THE WAY THROUGH MY CHILDHOOD AND TEENAGE YEARS, AND IT WAS ALL OVER WHEN I WENT TO COLLEGE!”
“DEAR!” shouted Cadance, spooning him. “He’s not really there!”
“I know, I know!” said Shining Armor, “It’s just that it’s very embarrassing and all, and that I was scared you would start doing it to ME!”
“Relax, honey, I wouldn’t do that! I’m not your mom. Plus, if he did exist down in the hallway, you should have faced your fears. That is what Luna tells everypony to do.”
“OK, ok, he’s not there. Goodnight.” Shining Armor gave Cadance a kiss on the lips, and they both lay down and went to sleep.
Shining Armor’s eyes suddenly opened up, waking him from his sleep. He looked outside. It was still dark out, yet he felt a presence in the house. He heard Cadance’s quiet snoring, and he knew his mom was asleep too. So what could be causing this waking presence? Could it be his fears? Oh yes, he remembered Luna’s words of wisdom, to face his fears. So that’s what he knew he had to do.
Quickly but quietly getting out of bed, he slowly crept out of the master bedroom and gazed down the dark, empty, high-ceilinged hallway. He slowly but quietly tiphooved down the hall, all the way towards the end. He knew that there was nothing out there now, but he had to face his childhood fears. He kept walking carefully.
Finally, after a few minutes of tiphooving, he got to the end of the hallway. “Phew! I guess I have nothing to worry about! I guess I faced my fears!” he went to go back to the master bedroom and go back to bed, but right when he turned around, he knew his mom was right about everything.
“HELLO THERE! I’M SHEL SILVERSTEIN! READ ONE OF MY BOOKS!”
Shining Armor was so shocked and frightened by the fact that Shel Silverstein was indeed in the hallway in person that he passed out.
***
“Shiny? Shiny? Are you OK?” Shining armor opened his eyes and saw his mother staring down at him. “Oh, thank goodness you’re alright!” Twilight Velvet lifted him up. “Come on, I made a very special breakfast!”
Shining Armor rolled his eyes. “Oh boy, here we go again.”
Cadance was already seated at the breakfast table. “Hey, why were you passed out on the floor?”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
“He saw Shel Silverstein in the hallway last night!” said Twilight Velvet.
“What? How did you know?” he asked in shock.
“Oh... umm... I... that was just a guess. You really saw him?” she said, as if she was trying to cover something up. Cadance and Shining Armor were now very suspicious.
“Yes, I did. Well, I guess it was a dream.” he said, but in a way he knew it actually happened. However, he tried to end the conversation as they sat down for breakfast.
Twilight dropped a pancake with blueberry eyes and a whipped cream smile onto his plate. “Eat up!” she said enthusiastically. The three started eating their breakfast.
Cadance took a sip of her tea and discovered that there wasn’t any milk in it. She immediately spit it out, spraying it onto the table. However, some of it landed on Twilight Velvet’s face, creating small black spots. Cadance was shocked by this reveal, and she knew exactly what it meant. Using her magic, she threw the rest of her tea at Twilight. The tea washed away the white coat around her eye to reveal a black exoskeleton. She opened her eye to reveal a green cat eye. Cadance gasped. “I KNEW IT!” she shouted.
Shining Armor was also shocked about this reveal. “What? Queen Chrysalis? It’s really you? You weren’t my mom at all?”
“No, big boy, not at all” said Chrysalis in her villainous, double-toned voice. She shedded off Twilight Velvet to reveal her full form. “Surprised?”
“Not really.” said Cadance. “I sort of figured it was you all along. I knew there was something fishy about all this!”
“Now it all makes sense!” realized Shining Armor. “You were disguised as Shel Silverstein in the hallway last night! Why did you do this?”
“Well” said Chrysalis, “I wanted to get revenge, but not on a grand scale like last time. I wanted to humiliate you in front of your bride’s face!” she made her trademark evil laugh. “It felt like so much fun!”
“Well, it was such a pain for me! I totally fell for it! How did you know everything about my childhood! How did you know about the most embarrassing moments from my early years? Only my parents and little sister know about that!”
“Exactly. I talked with your parents and sister, and they were in on it. It was just meant to be a harmless little prank.”
“HARMLESS? That was so emotionally painful! How did you get everything from my past? My old photos? That vinyl record? The Giving Tree?”
Chrysalis smacked her mouth three times and licked her lips with her long, pink tongue. “Oh, they told me about it, and, they gave it to me to use against you.”
Cadance spoke up. “Wait, why did you want to do this, and not start a whole invasion?”
“Because,” said Chrysalis, “It’s less destructive, doesn’t cause widespread panic throughout all of Equestria, and it’s hilarious to see your groom being so embarrassed and humiliated. Plus, Twilight Sparkle doesn’t stop me!”
Just then, Twilight Sparkle came bursting in the door. “Queen Chrysalis!” she shouted. “I’ve been looking for you!” Shining Armor and Cadance were both confused about this, but Chrysalis asked Twilight why she was here.
“What are you doing here?” said Chrysalis, “I thought you were in on this!”
“I know, I know” said Twilight, “and the reason I’m here was to hear how Shining Armor reacted.”
“It was hilarious!” said Cadance. Shining Armor looked at the three of them in disapproval. He knew that this had been worse than when his wedding had been ruined.
“So, how did he react to the Shel Silverstein thing?” asked Twilight.
Chrysalis laughed again. “He was scared off his pants! He thought it was actually the guy on the back cover of the book waiting for him in the hallway like his mom would tell him! That was indeed the most embarrassing part of his childhood that he didn’t want to tell anyone about!”
“Yes, yes, I know I know” groaned Shining Armor, “I’m really bummed that Cadance knows about it now. However, I must say I appreciate how good you were at pranking me. I totally thought you were my mom.”
“Well, I talked to your mom, so I know a lot. I also talked to Twilight over here, in order to find out every little detail in complete accuracy on your life as a child.”
“That sounds like a lot of research!” said Cadance. “Did I ever tell you about all the incidents that happened between me and Twilight here when I babysat her?” The three all looked at Twilight, whose eyes widened as she remembered those moments.
“Uh oh...” muttered Twilight, swallowing her saliva.
