The Shipper

by Nekonyancer

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Dark, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 8100

When ponies in Ponyville start succumbing to a mysterious and bizarre illness, it’s up to Twilight Sparkle to find the cure. She finds a whole lot more than that though, uncovering truths about Equestria that nopony could have predicted.

When ponies in Ponyville start succumbing to a mysterious and bizarre illness, it’s up to Twilight Sparkle to find the cure. She finds a whole lot more than that though, uncovering truths about Equestria that nopony could have predicted.

Published 2015-03-27 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-08 15:40:30 UTC

Chapter 1: Patients Zero and One

As I flew by, I was relieved to note that nopony was trotting down Gumdrop Street that morning. Every door was locked, every window shuttered tightly, and only one welcome mat could be found all the way down the block. It was reasonable to expect a disorganized response in unfamiliar scenarios, but the crisis team had performed with their usual speed and efficiency. It was very impressive, given the circumstances. Things like this just... didn't happen.

Not even in Ponyville.

I triple-checked the magic health bubble around me, rearranged my saddlebags, and hurried on. The one remaining welcome mat on Gumdrop Street sat in front of a perfectly normal house, from what I could see. Clean, whitewashed walls, a properly maintained thatch roof, healthy-looking daisies on the windowsills. Other than the welcome mat, the only thing differentiating it from the adjacent houses was the yellow police tape establishing a disquietingly wide perimeter around it, punctuated with bright red DANGER signs.

Two ponies with gas masks stood outside the perimeter, one of whom was shuffling nervously from hoof to hoof. I couldn't blame him. Even years of experience in crisis management could only prepare you for so much. I nodded to them as I landed, the bubble shimmering faintly around me as it made contact with the ground. "Ambrosia. Rivet.” I’d gotten pretty well acquainted with most of the ponies on the crisis team over the last couple years. “Great job with the evacuation. There isn't a single pony left within a one-block radius."

"Except us, hahaha!" Rivet's laugh was painfully fake, even through his mask.

I gave him a comforting smile before I continued. "It's just that one block is an awfully short distance, isn't it? We have no idea what we're dealing with, after all. What if it turns out to be an airborne pathogen of some kind? Another block could make all the difference."

Ambrosia frowned. "Twice the distance means twice the work—"

"Four times, actually," I interrupted.

"Yeah... and we ain’t got the ponypower for that."

"I'm sure you could have managed someh—"

"Yes!" Rivet yelped. "We certainly could! I, uh, better start on that! Right now!" He galloped off.

Ambrosia snorted as she watched him go. "Coward." She turned her gaze back to me with a sigh. “It’s just... not happ’nin’, Twilight. One block’s plenny safe.”

I started to protest, but bit my tongue. We had more important things to do here than bicker about precautions, even reasonable ones. “Very well,” I said finally. “Where’s Snap Gauze?”

“Already inside. Said you should come in when ya get here.”

I nodded and opened my saddlebags in response, pulling out a bundled yellow hazmat suit. I wasn’t a bad magical multitasker by any means, but maintaining the bubble would still require some effort. Replacing it with the suit would allow me to focus my energies solely on the task at hoof. “Rainbow came and got me, but she didn’t know many of the details. Would you mind filling me in while I get suited up?”

Ambrosia pulled a weathered notepad out of her saddlebag. “Let’s see… patients are... Lyra Heartstrings and Bonbon.”

A moment of silence. I’d at least heard who the victims were from Rainbow, but hearing their names aloud at the scene still came as a shock. To Ambrosia’s credit, she managed to keep her voice level and detached throughout. I doubt I could have done the same.

“Eyewitnesses saw Bonbon burst out of her house ‘bout thirty minutes ago, beggin’ for help and raving about how Lyra had suddenly gone insane. Then she just conked out in the middle of the street. 'Bout thirty seconds later, she got up by herself, and jumped back into the house.”

I nodded, still worming my way into the suit. “Nopony actually went in to help them, did they?”

“No, thankfully. Guess them service announcements are finally sinking in.” She flipped a page. “Anyway, Noteworthy pulled a nearby alarm. Me ’n’ Rivet arrived four minutes after. Saw… the victims on the floor through the doorway. They were… ugh. I shot ‘em both with tranq darts, then called for the evacua—”

“You what?You tranquilized sick ponies without knowing what was wrong with them?” I stomped a hoof. “What were you thinking?!”

“You didn’t see them, Twilight! The way they moved, and the wailing, moaning… it…” She ground her hoof against the dirt and looked away. “... It sounded funny.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Funny. It sounded funny. Well, that’s not vague at all.”

“I dunno how to describe it!” She shivered. “It was... creepy!”

“You’re as bad as Rivet.”

She jabbed my chest with a hoof. “Hey! You didn’t hear them neither! Whatever happened to them ain’t natural! You’ll hear for yourself when they wake up. Darned if you don’t say the same things!”

I hesitated. It wasn’t like Ambrosia at all to get so spooked. “... You’re right,” I said finally, “and I’m sorry about what I said, but tranquilizing them? At the very least, you should have waited for a medical professional, like Snap.”

Ambrosia muttered something under her breath. I pretended not to hear.

I tugged the last zipper closed on my hazmat suit. “I better get in there. Thanks for your help.” With that, I flipped the visor down on my helmet, engaged the seal, and waddled up to the police tape. I took a couple deep breaths. The sound echoed weirdly through the air filter.

“Twilight, wait.”

I turned to face Ambrosia again.

“Make ‘em okay? Please?”

A brief pause. I gave her a single nod, ducked under the tape, and resolutely approached the house.

* * *

I weighed each step carefully as I crept through the entryway, scrutinizing my surroundings for clues through the blue-tinted visor. Like the outside of the house, nothing seemed out of place, but I’d need to perform a forensic scan later to be absolutely sure. I heard the measured, familiar beep of medical equipment, and followed it into the living room.

The prone forms of Bonbon and Lyra lay on blankets on the floor, with pillows under their heads. “Sweet Celestia,” I breathed. Their bodies were completely relaxed, thanks to the tranquilizer, but it somehow didn’t affect their mouths, which were locked in unnatural, manic grins. I couldn’t suppress the shudder that went through me at the sight.

Snap Gauze looked up from his equipment in the corner of the room. His hazmat suit was almost identical to mine, but it lacked wingflaps. It must have been really uncomfortable for him. “Twilight. I’m glad you’re here.”

I nodded in return. “How are they, Snap?”

“Honestly, they’re fine,” he said, glancing over at his equipment. “Their vitals and respiration are completely normal, and they aren’t exhibiting any common symptoms. No fever, rash, nothing. If it weren’t for those… smiles… I wouldn’t know anything was wrong with them.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “That’s some good news, at least.” I looked around. “Are you the only one here? Where are the other ponymedics?”

He smiled wanly. “We only had one hazmat suit on hoof. This is it.”

I clamped down viciously on a curse before it could leave my throat. “I’ve been pushing for months to have these mass-produced and distributed to every stallion, mare, and foal in Ponyville!”

“Can’t imagine the mayor would approve that. It’s—”

“ ‘A fiscally impractical precaution,’ I know, I know,” I grumbled.

“They wouldn’t get much use anyway,” he went on. “When was the last time we had a chemical spill or an epidemic or something? Usually, it’s just wildlife attacks or natural disasters.” He knelt next to Lyra, held her eye open with one hoof, and waved a small light with the other, nodding in satisfaction when her pupil dilated. She was still wearing that grotesque grin.

“Even if they only get used once, it’s still—ngh!” I tossed my head irritably. “You know what? Never mind. You said they’re totally normal, except for the smiles, right?” If there weren’t any normal symptoms, the cause was unlikely to be pathological or chemical in nature. “It must be magic then,” I concluded.

“Most likely. We can’t sound the all-clear on the quarantine until we know for sure, though. To rule out pathogens and chemicals, I’d have to get them back to the hospital for tests. Magical causes, though,” he looked at me pointedly, “can be detected immediately. Would you mind? I can’t even load them onto the stretchers until we’re sure it won’t trigger a magical backlash.”

I took a deep, calming breath. Magical Resonance Imaging spells weren’t easy. “Right. Here we go then.” I closed my eyes. I could hear the beeping of Snap’s medical equipment and the hiss of my own breathing through the filter, could feel the rough material of the hazmat suit against my coat. One by one, I identified each perception and dismissed it until I floated in a deadened void. Gently, I extended my magical senses outward, tasting the air before focusing on the prone forms before me. Images of th—

“Hiya Twiya!!”

My concentration shattered violently, the shards of it plinking around my skull. “Pinkie Pie!? What… you…!” I sputtered.

“Haha, you’re supposed to use ‘are’ between ‘what’ and ‘you,’ but you didn’t! You’re so creative!”

I finished gluing together the fragments of my mental acuity to find Pinkie staring down at the victims. “Huh,” she said. “Funny time to take a nap, but at least they’re enjoying it!”

I cleared my throat. “Pinkie, this is a quarantined—”

“Twilight, she’s not wearing a suit! Health bubble! NOW!” Snap Gauze roared.

I yelped in panic and brandished my blazing horn at her. A brilliant blue shield exploded into being around her, momentarily blinding us all, before fading back to a faint shimmer. Applying appropriate levels of power under stress had never come easily to me.

Pinkie Pie poked it from the inside, evoking a warped, electric sound. “Oooh… I can play a song! Beatbox for me, Snap Gauze!”

He didn’t, thankfully.

“Pinkie! This is serious!” I barked. “This is a quarantined area! And you just waltzed in without a suit?! You could get seriously sick from this!”

Pinkie lowered her hooves from the edges of the bubble and frowned. “I… I just thought this might be a fun place to be.”

“You saw this house on a deserted block, covered with police tape, with ponies wearing gas masks outside, and you thought it might be fun?!”

“Wait, what?”

I gestured to a nearby window.

Pinkie Pie glanced through it and blinked, a look of dawning realization slowly coming over her features. “Ohhhh. Yeah! That’s gotta be why! Gadzooks, Twilight, I knew you were good at this detective stuff, but wow!”

I tried to slap my forehead with a hoof, but was denied even that simple pleasure as it clunked awkwardly against my visor. I lowered it in disgust.

Snap Gauze cleared his throat. “Pinkie Pie, if you could please be quiet, Twilight was just about to do something.”

Right. The MRI. That.

Part of my concentration would be occupied by Pinkie’s shield, making it far more difficult, but there was nothing for it. I closed my eyes and began cutting out all distractions from my mind. Again. With my meditative state restored, I extended my (almost) undivided focus toward Lyra and Bonbon. Images of them coalesced and solidified in my head, sharper than any physical picture could be, then sharpened further still as I channeled my magic through them. Swirls of light flared in my mind’s eye – latent magic, centered around Bonbon’s hooves and Lyra’s horn. Nothing out of the ordinary there. I grunted with effort, funnelling more and more energy into the spell. Fainter lights appeared, evidence of recent magical expenditure, but all of it seemed benign. Everyday stuff.

I couldn’t let it end there. Something was wrong with these ponies, and it was up to me to set them right! Besides, it would bother me all day if I didn’t figure it out. I refocused my senses, starting with their heads before moving through the rest of their bodies, straining to detect even the slightest trace of malignant energy... there! But so faint! I seized it desperately, pouring all my magical reserves into it, and a blurry image finally flickered through my brain: a lumpy white form with organized blue lines over it. And… a rainbow?

I cut off the spell with a gasp. My vision swam crazily as my senses struggled to realign with reality. Bonbon and Lyra’s deranged faces leered up at me.

“Twilight! Are you okay?” Pinkie’s voice was piercingly loud.

I could only manage a nod, panting hard through the air filter.

“Goddess, you scared me,” said Snap Gauze. “How much energy did you put into that spell?”

“As much as I... needed to,” I wheezed. “Origin… magical. Class B, I think.”

Snap Gauze flipped his visor up and took a deep breath. “Yikes. Well, at least we can drop the quarantine – no such thing as an infectious spell. Sooner we get these ponies to the hospital, the better.” Snap Gauze didn’t waste any time loading them up onto gurneys, his motions practiced and efficient. I severed my connection to Pinkie’s bubble, and she hopped forward to assist Snap Gauze as it dissipated. “Coming?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I’ll meet you at the hospital in a bit.”

“Alright. I’ll let the team know they can sound the all-clear.” With that, they carted Lyra and Bonbon out of the room, leaving me momentarily alone with my thoug—

“Bye Twilight!!”

Alone with my thoughts.

There were quite a few of them. Good thing I’m so organized, even mentally.

One. Luckily, Pinkie Pie would be fine.

Two. Lyra and Bonbon would not for quite a while. Magical maladies could be extremely tricky, depending on how deeply they pierced a pony. Most basic enchantments acted like second skins, and usually dispersed on their own if given enough time. Body transmogrifications were a bit trickier to reverse, but manageable for high-level unicorns. Mental magic is where things got really dangerous. Unless the spell was rooted in some kind of external object – an old doll, say – it would be difficult to safely dispel without permanently damaging the pony’s latent magic along with it. I shuddered at the thought.

Three. Most arcane energy signatures registered as swirls of color under an MRI scan, but this one had appeared as a cohesive picture. What could that possibly mean? And the blue lines in the picture certainly hadn’t been placed randomly. Were they then some kind of code or language? And the rainbow! Could it be connected to the magic of friendship somehow? I definitely had my research cut out for me.

Four. This list would be a lot easier if Spike were here. Oh well.

Five. An enchantment like this would have required immense levels of raw power and finesse, far beyond even my own abilities, and – sweet Celestia, what was I doing? I didn’t have time for this!

I tentatively fired up my horn and immediately became lightheaded, an early sign of magical burnout. Continued spellcasting in such a condition was never safe, but this just couldn't wait. The casting of such a major enchantment would have left enormous magical residue behind, though not for long! I cleared my mind one final time and triggered an environmental scan. A nova of purple light burst from my horn, passing through the walls and leaving a shimmering film in its wake. Any residual magic in the area would light up like flames in my mind’s eye: the stronger, the brighter.

And… nothing. The whole house was clean. A nearby clock ticked. Tocked.

I bucked a nearby couch in frustration. A spell of this magnitude, and nothing? It wasn't fair. This wasn't how magic worked!

But grossly unfair or not, there was nothing more I could do here. I strode out the door, irritably stripped out of my suit, and took to the skies.

* * *

I was somewhat annoyed to spot a dust bunny in a corner as I followed the nurse down a hospital hallway toward the patients’ room. One of the reasons hospitals had always appealed to me, even as a filly, was their cleanliness, which could not be maintained without careful scheduling and attention to detail. I had to cut them some slack though – Ponyville General was hardly a standard facility.

It had started out as a donated mansion, but had since then been augmented to meet rising demand. It now stood proudly as the second largest structure in Ponyville, easily dwarfing City Hall. Visitors in town often spoke glowingly of our hospital, assuming that its disproportionately large size bespoke the importance Ponyville placed on public health. Anypony who stayed longer than a month grimly realized that it was only big because it had to be.

Statistics showed Ponyville to be the most disaster-prone village in Equestria, outclassing even Las Pegasus by a large margin, and I'd learned from personal experience that no amount of preparation could mitigate that. Though the size of the hospital reflected those statistics, the size of the staff did not – if we had enough doctors to handle crises, most of them would sit twiddling their hooves during calm spells. Instead, the hospital coped with emergencies by drafting help from the local citizenry, though in most cases, enough volunteers showed up to prevent the need for such official measures. That sort of thing would never have happened in Canterlot, and it was one of the things I loved most about Ponyville – we took care of each other here. Having your neighbor splinting your broken leg could hardly be called ideal health care, even with the monthly workshops Doctor Stable ran on basic medical procedure, but we got by.

It simply wasn’t possible for such a large facility to meet stringent governmental quality standards with such a meager permanent staff. I had known that for quite some time, of course, having read about it in “Ponyville, a History,” but the visual reminder in the dust bunny dug under my skin regardless.

We reached Lyra’s room. The nurse nodded to me as she held the door open and gestured me through, worry written all over her face. Understandable – this case would ruin anypony’s mood. I nodded back and proceeded into a sparsely furnished room. A flowery partition stood between two beds occupied by Lyra and Bonbon, who were still wearing those disturbing grins. I didn’t see any serious medical equipment, unless you counted the tray of essential tools next to Lyra’s bed. Doctor Stable looked up from a clipboard as I entered. He smiled warmly, but it was tempered by the sadness in his eyes.

“Always an honor, Your Highness.” The aging doctor was one of the few ponies in Ponyville who chose to address me according to my station. A traditional sort, I supposed. At least he’d stopped bowing after the first few times.

I returned his smile. “Doctor.”

“Your arrival is quite fortuitous. Mr. Gauze’s report said there was evidence of mental instability…?” At my nod, he continued. “I hate to laden a princess with such tasks, but may I count on your assistance if the patients become hysterical?”

“Of course. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Much appreciated. I detest resorting to restraints. It can be traumatic waking up in them.” I glanced over at Lyra’s bed again and noticed the ends of several straps peeking out from under the sheets. Stable’s horn glowed, and they visibly slackened with a series of clicks. “In addition, were you at all acquainted with Miss Bonbon or Miss…” he glanced at the clipboard, “... Heartstrings?”

“Both, a bit.”

“I see. Excellent! A familiar face will help keep them calm. Would you mind doing most of the talking then?”

“Not at all. I’m just afraid that—”

I was cut off by a groan from Lyra. At Stable’s nod, I stepped closer to the bed, donned a gentle smile, and waited until her eyes fluttered open. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” I said.

Her eyes focused on me, and her hideous grin thankfully relaxed into a more normal shape. “o hai twiliht”

I couldn’t respond immediately. The words died in my throat, swept away by a wave of revulsion. Her words oozed over my ears like oil over water, and I fought the urge to reflexively fold them back. I suddenly realized my smile had morphed into a grimace, and hurriedly forced it back into place. Lyra hadn’t seemed to have noticed. “H-how are you feeling?” I managed.

“kk. wat hapened lol”

That voice… It carried with it a deep sense of wrongness, but with the exception of that nonsensical syllable at the end, I couldn’t put my hoof on why. Lyra’s face showed nothing but confusion and innocence. I suppressed a shiver and tried not to show any discomfort. “Well, uh, A-Ambrosia and Rivet found you earli—”

“whers bonbonbon???” Every syllable was an abomination.

“Sh-She’s perfectly fine, sh—”

Without warning, Lyra’s face contorted back to that freakish grin. “cuz like shes soooooo hAWT!!!!1”

I could do nothing in response but stare. I glanced back at Doctor Stable for help, but he seemed to be similarly repulsed.

Unfortunately, Bonbon was not. She was out of her bed in a flash, poised for a leap and snorting hard through her nostrils. Her head jerked spasmodically from left to right before locking onto Lyra. Her smile somehow stretched even wider, and before we could react, she pounced, crashing into Lyra and dragging her off the other side of the bed.

Stable wasted no time rushing over to the medical tray, shouting for the nurse while gesturing to me sharply with his head. I darted around the bed to reestablish line-of-sight with the patients and found them… um.

Making out?

They were writhing together in the sheets, lips crashing together again and again while their limbs clutched desperately at each others’ backs. Lip smacks and moans filled the air.

“LYRA OHHHHHHHH LYRA LYRA”

“BONBON MMMMMMMMM!!!1”

“Nurse! Code Grey! Nurse!”

Lyra’s leg suddenly jerked, hitting the bed with a loud bang and breaking me out of my haze of disbelief. I shook my head briefly and telekinetically grabbed the pair of them, intending to pull them apart. They floated up into the air with no resistance, but their grips on each other didn’t budge.

“Nnnghh…!” I grunted through gritted teeth. How… how were they so strong?

“LYRA I WIL FOREVER LUV U FOEVER”

“OMG BONZ ME 2 BABY”

Doctor Stable dove onto Bonbon, breaking their leverage and launching Lyra directly into me, but an instinctive burst from my horn sent her tumbling across the room, limbs flailing to find purchase on the waxed floor. Regaining my own hoofing, I kept up the pressure, pushed her out into the hallway, then quickly wedged a chair under the door handle with my magic. I was just turning to see how Stable was faring with Bonbon when a massive BOOM made me jump in alarm. I turned back to the door to find it shuddering and splintering inward as colossal blow after blow landed from the other side. The noise was deafening. A couple screws jolted loose from a hinge and clattered to the floor.

“BONBOOOOOONN!!!! ARGHRGRHHHGG#!24@!#2”

I fired up my horn again, teleported out into the hallway, and grabbed Lyra’s hoof from behind as it pulled back for another punch. Her head immediately swung around an impossible hundred and eighty degrees to face me. An inequine scream of fury burst from her mouth.

Uh oh.

She slammed into me like a wrecking ball. My breath left me in a whumph as my back hit the ground. Something pressed down on my throat before I could reorient myself, and my vision vaguely registered Lyra sitting on top of me, her other forehoof pulled back to strike, her face contorted with insanity and rage.

“TWILITE” she shrieked.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

The blow never came. I tentatively opened one eye to find her entire body trembling violently, random twitches pulling her face this way and that. Slowly, miraculously, her grin and grip on my throat slackened.

She brought her face a centimeter from mine as her shudders intensified.

“T...Twilight...” she choked. “H… help… m-me…”

Her grin suddenly snapped back into place, and she leaped back to the door, making the entire hallway shake with her pounding, but she stopped after several seconds. I struggled to my hooves and looked up to see that her right hoof had burst clear through the door. She flailed around, probably trying to dislodge the chair, but suddenly withdrew with a gasp of pain. She stared dumbly at the syringe sticking out of her hoof. I managed to catch her as she fell over and gently pulled the needle out.

“I swear to you, Lyra,” I whispered as her eyes fluttered shut. “I won’t rest until you and Bonbon are cured.”

Author's Note

Any and all bold print in this story is also supposed to be written in Comic Sans font. Fimfiction doesn't support that, unfortunately.

Chapter 2: Incident Reports

I was too shocked to feel anything as I watched them wheel Bonbon and Lyra away, heavily restrained and murmuring to themselves despite the slew of drugs I’d seen the nurses administer.

And they were still grinning.

“Lyra… wow much luv…”

“bonbonbonbon…”

I just sat there staring at the hole in the door until Doctor Stable gently shook me out of my stupor. “Your Highness. Are you hurt?”

I turned to make eye contact. One of his eyeglass lenses was run through with cracks, turning it more white than clear. It looked hilarious, honestly, but I didn’t feel like laughing at the moment. Go figure. I gazed at him blankly for a second before realizing I was expected to answer his question. I mutely shook my head.

“Come on. We can talk in my office.” He led me away from the rubble and down a few hallways. Lyra’s last lucid words echoed through my head.

Twilight… help me…

I was jerked out of my reverie by a steaming paper cup, telekinetically held an inch from my face. “Here, drink.”

I drank, instinctively grasping it with my forehooves. Ahhh.

“Now, are you sure you’re alright?”

Can’t answer. Coffee. Mmm.

I finally lowered the empty cup to find Doctor Stable peering at me from across his desk.

“Twilight?”

I took a deep breath, my wits returning. “Fine, I’m fine.” Alright. We had far more important things to discuss than my own welfare. Lucky he hadn’t seen the beating I’d taken, or he probably would have insisted on an X-ray. I really was fine, anyway. Amazing stuff, coffee.

He frowned, but apparently let the matter drop. “Very well. Just a moment...” He started rummaging through his desk for something.

His office was very nice, if a little cramped. His polished desk was clean and clear of clutter (a feat I never seemed able to manage), except for a small Newton’s Cradle, a placard bearing his name, and a mug of freshly sharpened pencils. A large bookcase stood by the door, though at first glance, I only recognized a few of the titles. His medical certificates adorned the wall behind his desk, along with a landscape painting, and I was very pleased to note that they were all perfectly straight – the mark of a true professional. Below them, some family photos were propped up on a small table, next to – ooh. The coffeepot wasn’t empty.

Doctor Stable looked up, a new set of spectacles upon his nose, and noticed my gaze. “Would you like more coffee?”

“Yes, black please.” He turned back to prepare that heavenly drink. “So, uh, is the hospital…” I fumbled a bit for words. “...Are Lyra and Bonbon going to be okay here?” In truth, it wasn’t them I was most concerned about; I wasn’t sure the hospital would be able to keep them in check if they had another episode.

Stable paused. “We’ll manage,” he said finally, levitating my coffee over to me. “We’ll have to keep them sedated while we run some tests. That’s the best we can do, until we can come up with a proper treatment.”

My heart sank as my fears were confirmed. “You really have no idea what it is then?”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions. There’s too much we don’t know yet. Snap Gauze’s report was rather sparse on the details. Did you learn anything after he left?”

“A few things.” I briefly fired up my horn and lifted the now steaming cup of coffee to my lips as I thought back to – yikes, it was only an hour ago. After the... incident... it already felt like days. “A spell this invasive would have required an immense amount of power, which suggests one of two things – an ancient magical artifact, or a godlike being.”

He withdrew a notepad from his desk and scribbled furiously in that way only medical professionals can. “Could it—”

“No, it’s not Discord,” I interrupted. We had a true friendship now, and I refused to believe somepony I counted as a friend would do something this heinous. Still, I couldn’t deny that Lyra and Bonbon’s behavior was rather… chaotic. I frowned. It wouldn’t hurt to ask Discord about it, at the very least. “But there are others out there with similar levels of power.” Queen Chrysalis came to mind. “I’ll need to do some research. Same goes for the artifacts.”

Stable’s pen never stopped moving. “I assume you scanned the environment? Did you notice anything about the magical residue?”

“There was none.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?”

“There was no magical residue at the scene. And I don’t know how that’s possible. I’ll have to research that too.” I took another sip of coffee. With all this research on my plate, I was going to need it.

Stable put his pen down. “So, we have fast-acting magical malady cast by either an ancient artifact or a god, making ponies fall hopelessly in love with each other while augmenting physical strength. And, uh, voices too...”

I didn’t care to linger on those voices any longer than he did. “Yeah. Is that enough to go on?”

“Not a chance.” He scratched his chin. “My first thought was of venenum amoris – love poison – but that would have worn off while they were sedated. I need more precise information before I can even begin to figure out what the cure is, if it even exists.”

My blood ran cold. “If it exists? It has to exist!”

He fixed me with a solemn gaze. “Your Highness, I’ve never seen or heard of a case quite like this before. I’ll send some letters to my colleagues at other hospitals, of course, but don’t get your hopes up. Chances are we’re dealing with something completely unknown. And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, Your Highness, but without a researched cure, the best way to counter a magical ailment—”

“—is to derive a counterspell from the source,” I finished.

“Right. And finding that source would require somepony well-schooled in magic—”

“—and there’s nopony in Ponyville better schooled than I.” I gulped down the rest of my coffee. “I figured as much.”

“I’m sorry. I wish there were more I could do. I’ll let you know if my research, tests, or correspondence turn up anything, but until then, it’s all up to you, Princess.”

It’s all up to you, Princess. Yep. No pressure.

I stood up. “I’d better get started then. Thanks for the coffee.” I showed myself out.

* * *

I exited the hospital and started heading home, lost in thought.

First things first. Letters.

As much as I wanted to, it was a bit too early to contact Celestia about this. As a Princess myself, I was expected to handle a few things on my own without crying for help every five seconds. Or at least, I expected that she expected me to. I supposed it was somewhat disharmonious to tackle a serious problem without any help, but asking for it right out of the gate felt like letting her down. That was not an option.

On the other hoof, this enchantment seemed to make ponies fall aggressively in love with each other. Surely I wouldn't be letting anypony down if I consulted an expert on the subject? I nodded to myself in satisfaction as I trotted down the road.

Mental checklist #2, item #1: Send a letter to Princess Cadance, asking if she can shed some light on the situation.

Ah, and while I was at it:

Mental checklist #2, item #2: Send a letter to Discord about the patients’ suspiciously chaotic behavior.

Making progress!

“Ah, Twilight, excellent! I was hoping you might come this way.” I broke out of my thoughts to find a beige earth pony approaching from the opposite direction, looking happy to see me.

The feeling was not mutual, but I forced a cordial smile anyway. “Mayor,” I said simply, and pointedly walked past her.

The mayor was a study in public imagery. Her mane was carefully coiffed to convey just enough haughty professionalism without sacrificing approachable relatability. Her cravat, too, struck a delicate balance between charm and garishness. Her pleasant smile – yes, pleasant, that was the word – was no less important, completing her look. She was Ivory Scroll, the mayor, and she looked the part, every inch. She made quite certain of that.

She turned to walk at my side without missing a step, seemingly unperturbed. “How’s life treating Ponyville’s very own princess?”

“Fine.”

“I heard about the incident this morning. Did you just come from the hospital? How are Lyra and Bonbon?”

“Not great.” If my clipped answers bothered her, she didn’t show it.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” She sure didn’t sound like it. “I had hoped it would turn out to be something inconsequential, after Ambrosia prematurely called for that quarantine this morning.”

I grunted.

“I mean, she did make quite the spectacle out of it, didn’t she? Two ponies with seizures and she called for an evacuation. Really.”

“It’s not that I don’t enjoy your company, Mayor,” I broke in, “but I was using this walk to help put my thoughts in order, so if you don’t mind...” I sped up to a trot.

“Oh, very well, I’ll cut to the chase,” she said, keeping pace with me. “I thought you might like it brought to your attention”—she paused to wave at somepony—“that many local citizens are quite worried about the fiasco this morning, and are gathering in front of your castle for news.”

My eyes narrowed. I knew she wouldn’t have come looking for me just to say hello. “And you’re here to make sure I spoon-feed them just the right mix of lies and honey, like when Pinkie Pie cloned herself. Is that right?”

“Indeed.”

I snorted. “Not even going to try to sugarcoat it this time?”

She shook her head. “That would only aggravate you further,” she said cheerfully.

She was certainly right about that. “I made my opinion on the matter clear to you last time,” I said. “Lying never works out in the end. If ponies want to know what happened to Lyra and Bonbon, I’ll tell them the truth.”

The mayor hesitated. “How bad is the truth, exactly?”

“They are suffering from an impossibly strong and complex mental enchantment with no known counterspell that compels them to love each other with an intensity strong enough to be considered clinical insanity which, despite the impossibility of infecting others with the same condition, makes them a physical danger to themselves and everypony around them, unless kept sedated.” I tapped my chin with a hoof. Had I covered everything?

She stared blankly at me for a moment. “Are… are you serious?”

“Oh! And super strength too.”

“Super strength! Lovely! Just... just splendid.” I saw her ear twitch out of the corner of my eye. “It’s never simple, is it?” she muttered under her breath. “Have you thought about how you’re going to tell the townsponies?”

“Honestly. Like I said.”

“What, the way you told me?” She winced. “Look, maybe you haven’t noticed, palling around with all your other celebrity buddies, but Ponyvillians are generally a skittish bunch. Considering the dangers of the Everfree right next door, it’s remarkable that most of them consider Ponyville a pretty nice place to live. Fostering that opinion took a lot of work, I’ll have you know, so I’d like to keep it that way. Tell them everything you just told me, and you could incite a panic. That wouldn’t help anypony. We can agree on that much, right?”

She had a point. “I’ll be as comforting as I can,” I said tightly, “but Lyra and Bonbon are our friends. We can’t lie to everypony about this.”

“On the contrary, that’s exactly why we should lie. What it lacks in honesty, Twilight, it makes up for in kindness.” Her mane bounced lightly with every step.

“I’ve heard that rhetoric before. Facilitating delusions isn’t kind!”

“Shh, not so loud,” she hissed, eyeing a passerby. Her smile never wavered, despite her tone. “This isn’t about what’s kind or right. It’s about what’s best for the town.”

“Lying is never best for anypony. Equestria doesn’t work like that.”

“Perhaps it doesn’t for a superhero. It does for a civic leader.”

“What would Princess Celestia think if she heard you saying things like this?”

A short pause. “Hmm... what would she indeed?” she mused.

I didn’t much care for that question. “My mind is made up, Mayor.”

“Look at it this way,” she said as my castle loomed ahead. “They aren’t really looking for answers. They’re scared. They’re looking for comfort.”

“The truth is comf—”

“No, it isn’t, and you know it.” She sighed in resignation. “But if you must, just please, please, please be... diplomatic.”

That was probably her ‘diplomatic’ way of saying ‘politically two-faced,’ but I nodded all the same.

We turned the last corner.

"There she is!"
"Princess Twilight!"
"Your Highness!"

Those were the only exclamations I was able to pick out from the clamor. I blinked in surprise. There certainly was a crowd, and a far larger one than I’d expected. Many of them were shuffling their hooves nervously, and unease was written plainly on every face. Were they really as “skittish” as Ivory Scroll seemed to think? Had Ambrosia’s evacuation really stirred them up so much? It was only active for an hour or two! Perhaps we needed to schedule more municipal disaster drills.

I broke out of my musings when I noticed Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy in the crowd, with Rainbow Dash hovering a few feet above them. I smiled in their direction, but only Rainbow and Fluttershy returned it – Pinkie was craning her neck around constantly, and didn’t appear to notice me.

As we got closer, the crowd parted to allow me to walk up to the golden steps of my castle, which would serve well enough as a speaking platform. Ivory lagged behind as I did so, discreetly joining the herd. I turned to face them and cleared my throat, taking a moment to consider my words.

“Good afternoon, everypony. Thank you all for coming. It appears you’ve all heard about the incident on Gumdrop Street, and I imagine you’re all anxious for news. Lyra and Bonbon fell victim to some sort of powerful mental enchantment at approximately 11:00 this morning. They are currently in the capable hooves of Doctor Stable at Ponyville General. We are working on a counterspell for them, but cannot give an estimate as to how long it will take at this time."

The crowd murmured at that, prompting me to pause. I noticed the mayor in the back, shaking her head at me. I frowned, but continued on. Honesty was the best solution.

Noteworthy raised a hoof to his mouth. “When can we visit?” he called out.

It wasn’t time for questions yet. They’re asked at the end of press conferences for very good reasons. I couldn’t just ignore Noteworthy though. “Their condition unfortunately precludes visitation until we can be sure it’s safe.”

The murmur immediately doubled in volume, and somepony else shouted out from the crowd. “Safe?! How contagious is it?!”

I took a breath to answer, but it caught in my throat as the strangest feeling came over me. Like somepony was watching me intensely, more intensely than physically or magically possible. I shot a glance over my shoulder and immediately felt stupid. Nothing there but the door to my castle.

Ridiculous. Of course it felt like I was being watched – there must have been a hundred ponies watching right there in front of me! I tried to dismiss the feeling – Celestia, it was annoying – and raised my voice to be heard over the commotion. Commotion? Yikes, they’d gotten loud. "As I said, their illness is magical in nature, and thus cannot spread unless the enchantment is cast again!”

The clamor grew louder still. “Which… which isn’t likely to happen!” I yelled. “It took a massive amount of energy to cast, so the artifact or being responsible likely needs time to recuperate!”

I heard some of my words tossed around the crowd like a beach ball in stormy waters. And ugh, that feeling! It was almost like a buzz in my ears now! A piercing voice cut above it all: “Stars above! If it’s an artifact, it could be cast by any of us!”

I cringed. I hadn’t even considered that – just the thought of a fellow townspony... “That is highly unlikely!” I shouted. “I can’t imagine anypony in this town doing such a thing, and there is no evidence to support…” I cut off with a shudder. That feathering feeling! Something wasn’t right. I shot a quick glance behind me – same door. “...to support such a claim anyway!”

The crowd didn’t even seem to be listening anymore. Everypony was yelling.

“What are we supposed—”
“We could be next!”
“Why haven’t you—”
“—foals are in danger!”
“Nopony is safe!”

A loud whistle – Ivory Scroll was standing on a box, her forehooves stuffed in her mouth. They ignored her.

I followed her lead. “Everypony, please! Calm down! There’s no reason to panic!” They ignored me too. The clamor rose and rose despite my pleas until I finally lost patience. I drew in a deep breath. “SILENCE!”

And there was silence. Well, almost – just low, worried murmurs now. Huh, that weird feeling was gone too. I nodded in satisfaction, but then realized nopony was looking at me. A steadily widening circle had formed in the middle of the crowd, with everypony looking inward at something. I couldn’t see what it was until somepony shifted, and I caught a glimpse of a pink mane.

There was no hesitation. With a few flaps of my wings, I joined Pinkie and Rainbow at Fluttershy’s side, who was shuddering violently on the ground, eyes shut tight.

Rainbow was hovering anxiously from side to side. “I dunno what happened! She was just fine a second ago!”

Pinkie Pie was just staring at us blankly. “But this… this isn’t fun at all…”

I ignored her and put a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Hang in there, Fluttershy! Your friends are here for you.”

She didn’t respond, but as I watched, the edges of her mouth slowly curled upward.

Oh no.

“Rainbow,” I said quietly, “go get Ambrosia. Tell her to bring her darts.”

Rainbow blinked in confusion for a moment before horror dawned on her face. “What? Darts? Twi, you can't possibly think—”

“GO!”

She went.

At that moment, Fluttershy’s shuddering subsided, her eyes opened, and her smile stretched wider. “Twilight… I feel… so strange…”

No no no no no no no—

“but i think im k” she said, standing up.

Why you, Fluttershy? Why did it have to be you?

No time for drama. I blinked back the tears in my eyes and hurriedly clamped a hoof over hers. I’d been able to communicate well enough with Lyra when she was alone. She only lost control once she was exposed to the other ensorcelled pony. I frantically scanned the crowd around us for signs. “Is anypony else sick?!” I yelled desperately.

A gasp went through the crowd, and the nearest ponies started backpedaling hastily. A few started calling out again. None of them answered my question.

“Sick?!”
“Is it the same spell?!”
“—said it wouldn’t happen again!”
And from nearby, “Excuse me, coming through here!”

The mayor squeezed out from between two stallions and briskly walked toward me. “Nothing to worry about, everypony! I’m sure the princess has everything under control!” She reached me and hissed urgently in my ear. “Twilight, get them under control!”

“I’m a little preoccupied at the moment,” I said through clenched teeth. “Do it yourself.”

“um twilight could you mayb take ur hoof off my face plz kkthx”

Ivory Scroll stared at Fluttershy for a moment, but quickly shook off her surprise. “But you’re a princess! Their princess!”

“And their princess has to get Fluttershy somewhere safe. Come on, Fluttershy.” I started leading her away. The crowd hastily parted to let us through.

One pony did not. “SHLOOPY DOOOOOO!1!!”

Fluttershy’s ears immediately perked up at the voice, and she darted toward it, grinning from ear to ear. I managed to close my forehooves around her waist as she took off, but just got helplessly dragged along. I wasn’t even slowing her down! She finally shook me off with a great leap and collided with Big Macintosh in the air. The two hit the ground and started rolling around in the dirt together.

“OH BIG MAC I LOVE U SO MUCH”

“EEYUP EEYUP”

I fired up my horn and gripped them both, but a quick tug quickly confirmed that, like Lyra and Bonbon, they were far too strong for me to pull apart. I didn’t dare annoy them further, but I had to think of something fast. Biological consequences aside, enchantments like these tended to get even uglier if left unchecked. I got to my hooves and surveyed the situation.

Panic reigned in the plaza. The mayor had apparently given up, and was nowhere to be found. The pegasi had long since gone as well, but earth ponies and unicorns ran to and fro, uncertain of the fastest route away. Many of them were screaming at the top of their lungs.

“They got the pony pox!”
“Everypony run!”

For the record, pony pox is something entirely different.

Despite all the chaos, there was one pony who wasn’t running or panicking. She was walking slowly toward Fluttershy and Big Mac. “Big… Big Mac?” Her voice quavered. “I… I thought…”

“Cheerilee!” I shouted. “Stop! Don’t interfere!” I couldn’t tell if she heard me.

“I thought I was your Shloopy Doo!” she blurted.

Fluttershy shot fifty feet up into the air in an instant, then rocketed toward Cheerilee faster than I’d ever seen her fly before. Cheerilee just gaped up at her. I was beside Cheerilee in a flash of light, funneling my magic into the strongest force field I’d ever cast. This was gonna hurt.

“HES MINE CUZ I LUV HIM AND HES MINE!!!” Fluttershy shrieked from above.

I closed my eyes and braced myself.

Fluttershy hit the shield with mind-boggling force, creating a shockwave of air that I imagine knocked any remaining townsponies off their hooves. Searing pain lanced through my horn, but I didn’t dare stop powering the shield. Her initial attack having failed, Fluttershy began pounding on the outside with her hooves, each bone-breaking strike sending a fresh wave of pain through my head. The shield finally shattered, and I screamed as agony washed over me.

Through the haze of pain and the dissipating wisps of my shield, I saw uncertainty flash across Fluttershy’s face. “Twilight? What—”

Big Mac tackled her from the side, and they went rolling in the dirt again. Behind them, I was relieved to see Ambrosia running up, Snap Gauze right on her heels. Then my hooves gave out beneath me.

I had just enough time to question why I was lying in a crater before it all went dark.