The Element of Common Sense: The Nightmare

by TheGradualGhost

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human
Length: 12148

A human and his dog are transported to Equestria just before a force of evil returns. Along the way he discovers that ponies often overlook details. His therapist will never believe any of this.

My name is David and I think I'm going crazy. I am stuck in two different worlds and I can't tell which one is real. My therapist is no help.

I'm telling my story regardless of whether you believe me. So listen up and listen good because things get weird.

Published 2015-10-04 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-18 03:56:32 UTC

Nightmares and Therapy

The nightmares had been plaguing me for weeks. Always the same. The overwhelming darkness and the booming voice.

“Save me!” the voice echoed through my skull. Loud but unsettling and dripping with either malice or despair. The source of the voice is unknown because it literally sounds like it is coming from everywhere. I feel like something is watching me and I am helpless to its intentions.

Then it appears. The darkness swirls and takes a form of a black horse with wings and a horn. It stares at me and opens its mouth, revealing surprisingly sharp teeth, and the same booming voice rings out again.

“You can’t even save yourself!” The creature lunges at me and I awaken in a pool of sweat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what does it all mean?” I pose the question aloud. Judging by the room’s silence I assume that my audience has fallen asleep.

“Well,” pause for dramatic effect, “what do you think it means?”

“That I’m wasting my money on these sessions,” I respond. Dr. Rick Shepherd might have been highly recommended but all he seems to do is ask me questions. The sound of him adjusting his posture in his chair makes me think that I’ve struck a nerve.

“David,” Rick begins, “do you know what I do?” I motion for him to continue, I have an idea but I’m fairly sure that his question was rhetorical. “Since every person is different and has different means of thinking my job is to help you discover your own answers. This is why you do most of the talking during your hour and I just throw out a probing question. So, yes you might be wasting your money here but only if you do not participate. So what do you think about that winged-unicorn?”

“Alicorn,” I reply.

“A what?” Rick asked. He actually appears interested.

“I did some research,” I sigh. “Alicorn is a term used for either the material that a unicorn’s horn is made of or for the winged-unicorn creature of myth depending on the background.”

“I see,” Rick paused again. “So what do you think the alicorn means?”

“Considering that I didn’t know anything about the creature before taking to the internet I can only guess. Most cultures that reference the alicorn regard it as evil and I sense no good intentions from that creature in my nightmares.”

“But why would it want to be saved?” Rick asked. A good question.

“I don’t know,” a very good question. “I can’t even wrap my head around what I’m supposed to save it from.”

“Maybe the darkness,” Rick offered.

“But it was made of darkness.”

“Dreams are our subconscious speaking to us,” Rick was actually earning that paycheck this week. “As such you need to stop thinking of the alicorn as a separate entity and ask yourself what you are afraid of. I have a feeling it might be the unknown.”

“That’s stupid,” I retort. “I’m not afraid of the unknown, I welcome change.”

“Alright,” Rick glanced at his watch, “I guess we should just wind this down and continue next week.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keys jingling in the lock do nothing to diminish the sound of claws tapping against wood. The sound is comforting to say the least. I open the door and am greeted by my best friend in the whole world.

“Hello Yogi,” I say while I scratch behind his ears. The little dog would appear unusual to an outsider but I love him. He exists only because a relative’s dachshund escaped to mingle with the neighbor’s pit bull. Now he’s my adorable little freak of nature.

It was just myself and Yogi living in the apartment. I worked at a deli counter and the landlady agreed to check on my dog throughout the day. To keep our heads above water I take on odd-jobs for the other residents around the complex. Unfortunately, this means that I can’t ever seem to get home while the sun is out. If I wasn’t seeing Rick for my nightmares I’d probably be considering him for this reason. I was told that it should be work-to-live not live-to-work.

My stomach growls to interrupt my musing. It had been a long day.

“Hungry?” I ask aloud. Yogi just excitedly wags his tail and runs off toward the kitchenette only to stop at the pantry and stare back at me, he snorts to get my attention. The action always reminded me of a pig. “Patience Yogi.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Save me!”

The voice was all around me. The darkness was impenetrable.

“Save me!” The voice seemed to get louder.

“Save me! Save ME! SAVE ME!”

The darkness receded. This is new. Instead of the being of oppressive darkness I see a blue alicorn and it looks... sad?

I reach for the new, and hopefully friendly, creature. My arm straight out while I take some tentative steps forward. A beautiful night sky is our backdrop. The scene is breathtaking.

As I get closer I hear sounds. Whimpering? Sobbing? Is the alicorn crying? I’m not sure.

Suddenly it tenses up and all is silent. It slowly turns its head in my direction.

The darkness crashes all around us. Nothing is visible anymore.

The nightmare alicorn’s glowing eyes spring open in my face and I feel it’s hot breath on my cheeks.

“Your chance will come!” it spoke?! It lunged at me and I begin falling…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I land on my floor with a thud. The uncomfortable sensation in my side tells me that I landed on my backpack again. Yogi rushes out of his bed to check on me, or to play with me it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. I drape my arm around him.

“Sorry buddy,” I reassure him, “did I scare you?” A flash of light briefly illuminates the room and I freeze. It can’t be…

Out of the corner of my eye I swear I saw a figure. It looked horse-like. The alicorn cannot possibly be here…

Only now do I realize that Yogi is not in his playful or reassuring stance, he is in defense mode. Head locked on the corner of the room where I saw the figure and every muscle is tense. The thunder rolls and I wish that silence would follow.

“David Starr,” my dark corner spoke. It knows my name! “You are coming with us.” The shadowy figure steps toward us and my nightmares become real. Yogi growls and I snap out of my fear.

“What do you want with me?” I ask. “I thought you were just some fucking dream, I’m not still dreaming, am I?”

“This is no dream Mr. Starr,” it’s voice is feminine. “We won’t be answering any more questions.”

“Look if you’re going to kill me I think it’s fair that I know why,” I’m being absurdly brave in the face of my strangest fear, I guess I’m still hoping that I’m dreaming.

“We won’t be killing you Mr. Starr,” I’m not sure if she looks disgusted or confused. “We need you alive for you are our salvation.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“The stars will aid in her escape,” she began. “You have been much help Mr. Starr, but we require just a bit more.” Her horn started glowing.

“Shit!” I shout. Fearing the worst I grab onto Yogi with both arms and hold him close. Whatever energy was being built up was released onto the two of us, the room illuminated again and everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Voices. I hear voices. Voices are good. They're getting clearer.

“Queen Meanie! No! Black Snooty!”

Nope! I want the voices gone now! They're right on the other side of some stupid curtain and they just make me feel some sort of rage.

“Did you not recall the legend?” I recognize that voice. “Did you not see the signs?” Is she gloating? Great.

“I did,” another voice calls out. “And I know who you are.” Ok, now I’m listening. “You’re the Mare in the Moon, Nightmare Moon!”

A chorus of gasps ring out. Nightmare Moon? Does this mean that she’s been purposely giving me nightmares for weeks and causing me all this stress? What was it all for?!

In my arms I find Yogi, he’s still breathing but he looks like he’s seen hell.

“Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last,” she taunts the crowd. Ponies? “From this moment forth, the night will last forever!”

“Wait a fucking second!” I’m shouting now but I’ve had enough of this. I get to my feet, pull the straps of my backpack on and pick up Yogi and step through the curtain only to find myself on a balcony overlooking some sort of hall. There actually are ponies here, huh. They gasp at the sight of me but I don't care about that. I find the black alicorn in the middle of all the scared creatures. Time to unleash some therapy.

“Your plan,” I address the alicorn, “is eternal night? And how is anybody supposed to survive in a world without sunlight?”

“Foolish human!” she’s still in gloat mode. “The night will be the only thing they want or need!”

“Right...” I pause, that doesn't make any sense but I need to prioritize. “Regardless what about me? You kidnapped me for some reason and now what?”

“Now you’ll be coming with us,” she answered, wait, she actually answered me? No sooner do I start to feel like I’m making some headway does she turn into a black mist and begin to envelope me.

I already miss my apartment.

My feet hit solid ground and I take a quick inventory of my surroundings. Some sort of castle ruins with the ceiling blown out and some weird statue or contraption. I have my doubts that I’ll find anything useful here. Yogi is starting to stir in my arms.

“It’s ok buddy,” I say, more to reassure myself than him.

“Alpha?” the voice came from my dog! “Did you kill the horsebeast?” My entire world went dark at that point as the ground rose up to greet my face.

Hello ground...

Author's Note

So I'm going to get this out of the way. David represents all of my negative attributes. Overthinking things, being neurotic, self-centered, and quick to anger. He is not a hero but he was never meant to be one. He is my voice in Equestria if that voice ever existed.

These first few chapters are dark enough in tone that I felt that the Dark tag was appropriate. I promise that once the establishing arc is complete then the story will lighten in tone.

The Elements of Harmony

From the Desk of Twilight Sparkle

Yesterday I was assigned to oversee the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville. Initially I was unhappy with this decision but it turned out to be all for the best.

Nightmare Moon had returned from one thousand years of imprisonment and Princess Celestia was nowhere to be found. Thanks to my quick thinking I already knew the secret which could save all of Equestria from a world of eternal night.

But I was a fool to think that I could do it all alone. Thankfully there were those who saw the need to accompany me on this quest. If they hadn’t been there I would never have been able to find or use the Elements of Harmony and Princess Luna would forever be lost to the nightmare.

Also, a human named David appeared and offered his assistance in exchange for finding some means to send him home. I want nothing more than to see him return to where he belongs but it seems like it won’t be that easy…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Floating in a void is very peaceful. Boring but peaceful. I miss home.

Slowly my apartment appears around me. My feet find solid ground. This raises more questions.

“Am I still dreaming?” I ask aloud.

“Yes Mr. Starr.” I know that voice.

“Rick?” I turn around and he’s sitting in that ugly brown chair. I’ve been transported back to Rick’s office. “Then you’re not really there.” Rick starts scribbling.

“I am a projection,” Rick offers nonchalantly.

“You’re only saying that because my subconscious is assuming that,” I counter. “Can I take anything you say seriously?”

“It comes straight from your own head,” he takes a moment to adjust his glasses. “Can you trust yourself?”

“Considering that my dreams are getting more and more bat-shit insane, I don’t think so.” Rick looks concerned. “So how did we get here?”

“Simple, you’re dreaming,” Rick smugly offers.

“But did I just fall into a deeper dream or did something weird happen?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” Rick answers. “Do you suppose the alicorn had something to do with it?”

“Alicorn?” the question threw me off guard. The office became darker. I turn around and there she is.

“Hello again Mr. Starr,” she greets me regally.

“So are you another projection?” I ask.

“No,” she responds. “We are here because the night and dreams are our domain.”

“Dreams,” I sigh and stare at her. “Hold still for a moment.” I casually approach and make my way next to her flank. Then I kick her in it.

“What is that for?!” she shouts at me. Wings flared, she looks like a bird trying to fight.

“Because you abandoned me in a world that I don’t know,” I begin. “And dreams are your domain? Is that all you’re willing to tell me? Why waste time talking to me in my dreams when you have ponies to dispose of?”

“The Dreamscape is useful,” she counters, “for instance time is inconsequential here. We have all the time needed to strategize.” She looks over to me almost apologetically. “We were hasty earlier, it appears that the Elements no longer react to our presence.”

“I told you so,” I say. “And why do they no longer react?” I’m going to enjoy making her admit she’s wrong.

“We are no longer an agent of Harmony,” she offers in resignation. “This is troubling indeed. Without the Elements, Equestria is doomed.”

“Why?” Now I’m curious.

“Discord’s prison is weakening.”

“Discord?”

“Must you keep asking questions?” she asks exasperatedly.

“Do you have to keep bringing up stuff that I don’t understand?” I counter. That made her pause.

“Discord is a being with unfathomable power who revels in chaos,” she explains. “The Elements were needed to render him powerless and nothing else will suffice.”

“What does that have to do with me?” I ask.

“Those six ponies you came here with need to be the Element Bearers for this world to survive.”

“Listen Moonie, I just want to go home,” I say with a sigh. She stares at me for a moment. She is obviously thinking about how to continue.

“Only the Elements have the power necessary for that spell,” she offered, “but they will need time to work it out.”

“Can you tell them the spell?” I offer.

“Do you honestly think they will listen?” Moonie counters.

“Point taken,” I sigh. “So how do I fit in here?”

“The lavender one is smart,” Moonie begins, “she should be able to work out the Elements. Put her back on track if she falters. All six are necessary as each of those ponies is tied to an Element.”

“And what about you?” I ask. “Giving up on night eternal?”

“Yes, but there is a problem,” she begins and I can see that her mask is dropping. “We—I am unwell. I can not overcome this on my own and I fear that the only way is through the Elements.” She sits silent for a moment before resolve returns to her features. “They must use the Elements on me. It is the only way to be free of the Nightmare.”

“But what’ll happen to you?” I ask. “You told me that they would harm non-harmonious creatures. Will you be alright?”

“The Elements will attempt to purify,” she begins. “If the target is unable to be purified then they will pacify.”

“That was incredibly vague.” She blinks at my frank response.

“Discord was turned into a statue and I was sent to the moon,” she responds dryly. “The Elements do not use lethal force and I’m hoping that my desire to change will aid the process.” She thinks for a few moments before making up her mind. “They cannot know about this desire of mine. They may not use the Elements otherwise. Equestria needs its Element Bearers.”

“So don’t let on that you’re switching sides and keep them going for the Elements?” I ask. “That honestly seems like something that a dream conversation wasn’t necessary for. What aren’t you telling me?”

I received no answer from Moonie, but in a brief moment her aura shifted just enough for me to make out two entities. One black as night and the other more subdued. I knew in my mind that this creature was fighting a battle of identity and losing.

Her horn glowed as the dreamscape began to fade. I realized that we also might not have the luxury of her going easy on us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“...and then the horsebeast made the door glow and disappeared but this weird cloud still smelled like her so I bit it except that I couldn’t bite it when I tried and I heard Alpha from the trees but I couldn’t smell him and he also sounded angry like he gets when I try to claim the couch as mine with my scent so I decided to wait here and Alpha came back only to fall asleep.” Yogi?

“My aren’t you just so energetic.” That sounded like Fluttershy.

“Yes, I’m cute now where’s the bacon?” Definitely Yogi.

“I’m sorry but I don’t have any,” she paused for a moment before practically squeaking the reply, “bacon.” She can understand him?

“You said bacon!” I hear claws on stone. I open my eyes to see Yogi romping about excitedly.

“No Yogi,” I say causing him to turn in my direction. “No bacon.” This doesn’t stop him from running straight to my face.

“Alpha!” Why do I feel uneasy? “Horsebeast was very scary but then she disappeared after you disappeared and I—” I put my hand on his head. That shut him up.

“Do you know where the horsebeast is?” I ask. He looks confused. “I didn’t think so. If you see her let us know.”

“Bark as loud as possible!” he answered. I wonder when he made that connection.

Twilight makes her way to me. She looks worried.

“It’s obvious that there was a trap on the door,” she offers.

“I’m fine by the way,” I snark. She blinks.

“I cast a diagnostic spell while you were out,” Twilight flicks an ear. “I only detected normal sleep patterns.”

“Nothing about Moonie having a conversation in my head?” I ask.

“Nothing of the—” pause while brain processes information. “What?!”

“Nightmare Moon has the ability to hop into dreams,” I see six pairs of eyes staring at me. “Did I forget to mention that?” Six pony heads nodded. Yogi decided to nod too after a beat, he probably felt left out. “Sorry, well she was there in my head.”

“Did she say anything?” Twilight asked. I could tell them the truth but they need to be Element Bearers.

“Only that we’ll never stop her,” I offer. Everyone except for Applejack nods, even Yogi.

“We just need to find the Elements and then I can figure out how to use them,” Twilight regurgitates the plan. I take a glance around and immediately spot the Elements on the same strange structure behind Twilight. I casually point and she slowly turns around.

“The Elements of Harmony!” Twilight exclaims. Fluttershy and Rainbow proceed to grab the stones from the weird structure.

“One, two, three, four…” Pinkie counted aloud. “There’s only five!”

“Isn’t there supposed to be six?” Rainbow asked.

“The book said when the five are present, a spark will cause the sixth Element to be revealed,” Twilight replied.

“What in the hay is that supposed ta mean?” Applejack interjected.

“Apples is right,” I began, “do you even know what that means?”

“I’m not sure,” Twilight responded, “but I have an idea.” Ideas are good. “Everypony stand back. I don’t know what will happen.” With that her horn began glowing.

“Come on now y’all,” Applejack said quietly from the door, “she needs ta concentrate.”

“Whoa, hold on a minute,” I chase after the departing ponies, I manage to catch up to them just outside the door. “You guys should really stay close.”

“But Twilight needs ta figure those Elements out,” Applejack responds.

“She does seem to work better without us distracting her,” Rainbow offered.

“Do you really want to leave her all alone in a castle that Nightmare Moon knows we’re in?” I ask. Blank stares greet me from all five ponies, wait a minute. “Where’s Yogi?”

“Back off horsebeast!” I hear behind me. I turn around to realize that I’d already screwed up.

The Elements were spinning in a tornado with Yogi in the middle. A blur of blue while Twilight looked on in horror. Before I knew it I was running. Then I was airborne diving through the swirling stones, desperately trying to reach Yogi. Then my vision turned bright white and I swear I can see my bedroom as I lose consciousness...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m holding on to Yogi. He’s unconscious but otherwise unharmed. I take a look around and notice that this room is different. It’s like some sort of castle tower bedroom, probably for a princess. There’s even a raised dais for a throne or a bed. Nightmare Moon looks absolutely at home standing on it amongst the Elements—

Shit! She’s got the Elements!

I jump to my feet to see Twilight challenging her to a duel? Huh.

“You’re kidding,” Moonie responds. “You’re kidding, right?” Nope, Twilight charges and Moonie charges right in. Just before colliding I notice Twilight’s horn is glowing and she disappears.

“Just one spark,” I hear from the dais. “Come on.” She seems focused on completing some spell.

Moonie seems to have noticed though as she envelops herself in darkness just before disappearing. Shit!

“Watch out Twilight!” I shout. Twilight keeps concentrating, gotta give her credit for that one.

“Come on,” she grunts again. A spark releases from her horn just as Moonie launches her from the dais. But the spark remains. It jumps between the Elements and Moonie looks concerned.

“No,” she says before raising her voice. “No!” We all brace for impact.

I’m still bracing. Why hasn’t anything happened yet?

I open my eyes to be greeted by the gloating grin of Nightmare Moon.

“But,” Twilight gasps, “where’s the sixth Element?!” Moonie is laughing.

Moonie rears up on and bring her hooves down with a crash. The Elements shatter around her.

“You little foal!” she gloats. I make my way toward her. “Thinking you could defeat me? Now you will never see your princess or your sun! The night will last forever!” Laughter echoes through the room but I’m already climbing onto the dais.

Thud! My foot collides with flank to a satisfying sound. Instantly Moonie stops laughing and turns to face me.

“What is your obsession with kicking my flank?” she asked. Her wings flared again make her look ready for a fight but I don’t care. I keep walking around her.

“You’re a moron!” I shout and deliver another kick to her flank. “Without the Elements Equestria is doomed you told me.” I try to kick again but she steps out of my reach. “You can’t wield them anymore because you’re not a creature of harmony! And they were my ONE TICKET HOME!” I’m done holding back as I throw a right cross to her jaw. She actually seems taken aback for a moment, but then she turns her head my way and narrows her eyes.

“I should have just destroyed you,” she said softly. “Would have saved me the trouble of your annoyance.”

“Were you even going to try to send me home?!” I shout in her ear before punching her jaw again. What? I should fight fair? Fuck that she’s got magic horse lasers.

After taking the blow she immediately lowered her glowing horn directly to my face.

“Die!” she shouts.

“Fuck you!” I shout back as I impulsively smack the horn. I don’t know what I expected to happen from that but I definitely didn’t expect to be thrown backward and have an intimate moment with the stone wall.

The wall wasn't in a friendly mood.

Groggily I get to my feet only for my legs to give out on me. I may have broken something. I know that Nightmare Moon is standing over me ready to finish the job. I don't even have the energy to attempt sass anymore but at least I went down fighting.

“Any last words David Starr?” I can feel Moonie’s smirk. My rage has subsided though.

“Bring Yogi to a good home,” I sigh and lay there waiting for the hammer to fall.

“I didn't want to do this,” Moonie whispers. I sense regret in her voice.

“You thought you could destroy the Elements of Harmony just like that?” Twilight’s voice cuts through the room. “Well you’re wrong because the spirits of the Elements of Harmony are right here!”

“What?!” Moonie and I shout together. Sure enough Twilight is standing there surrounded by the rest of the ponies.

“Applejack,” Twilight begins, “who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of honesty!” Some shards from the broken Elements begin to rise and encircle Applejack. “Fluttershy, who tamed the manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of kindness!” And the shards begin encircling the pegasus. I think I see where this is going. “Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of laughter! Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift, represents the spirit of generosity! And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart’s desire, represents the spirit of loyalty!”

Shards encircled every pony as she listed them off. It was all just as she said but something was still missing.

“You still don’t have the sixth Element!” Moonie desperately said. “The spark didn't work!”

“But it did!” Twilight begins. “A different kind of spark. The spark ignited inside of me when I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I cared about you. You are all my friends!” Just then a light shone above and another stone appeared. “You see Nightmare Moon, when those Elements are ignited by the spark that resides in the heart of us all,” the Element slowly descended toward Twilight, “it creates the sixth Element: the Element of magic!”

The Elements all began to glow. They focused around Twilight’s head and everyone else’s necks before colors began launching out toward the Nightmare. Before she even knew how to react she was caught in a swirling rainbow of power and I was stuck right in there with her. My vision went pure white before I blacked out.

Funny this time it feels like I'm laying in my bed.

Hello darkness my old friend...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I awoke there was something different. A smaller and bluer alicorn was laying on top of me. She looked familiar…

“Ugh, my head,” Rainbow groaned from across the room. This was chorused by the rest of the group. A noise next to my head reminds me of someone.

“Alpha,” Yogi gasps, “horsebeast is gone?”

“Horsebeast is gone,” I tell him. He starts licking me. The alicorn begins to stir in my lap. "Feeling better Moonie?"

"I feel drained..." the blue alicorn responds. "And my name is actually Luna." I let out a small chuckle at that.

"It's a better name than Nightmare Moon," I offer. My next response is cut off by a small commotion from the rest of the ponies and the sun rising.

Through a window flies a white alicorn emanating with power, a similar feeling to when I first noticed the black alicorn is in my mind except for some reason I feel safe now that she’s here. It's hard to describe but she gives this aura of benevolence. After greeting Twilight she makes her way toward me. Or perhaps she’s after the alicorn who is waking up in my lap.

“It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this,” the white alicorn begins. “Time to put our differences behind us. We were meant to rule together, little sister.”

“Sister?” the six ponies chorused. Seriously?

In an instant Luna is off my lap and running to nuzzle the alicorn.

“These reunions are nice and all,” I say, “but I think I need a hospital.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So then Twilight teleports me here,” I finish recapping my story. I was surprised at how adept the hospital was at mending my wounds, only a few fractured ribs and a broken femur. Nurse Redheart looks unamused.

“Well,” she begins, “it all sounds too far-fetched for me.” She goes over my vitals one more time. “But I suppose it is good that Princess Luna has returned from her banishment.”

“I guess I can start ruling out the possibility of this being a dream now,” I muse. “I don’t think I’ve ever broken a femur in a dream without waking up before.”

“Does that make you happy or sad?” she asked.

“Uneasy mostly,” I answer.

“Maybe there will be a happy ending for you in this,” the nurse retorts as she trots toward the door.

“Well now what?” I ask no one in particular.

“I suppose we need to find you a place to stay,” came a voice by the door. In walks Moonie—I mean Luna.

“Done with night eternal?” I ask smirking.

“Yes,” Luna looks nervous. “I am sorry about the things I put you through. I wish I could send you home but my powers will take a few moons to return.”

“I guess I should just get comfortable,” I sigh. “So you were mentioning lodging?”

“Yes,” Luna answered. “I filled Twilight Sparkle in on the nature of your capture and she was very interested.” A small smile began forming on her face. “It appears that she will be staying in Ponyville’s library and the old treehouse has plenty of rooms. Plus it would give Twilight Sparkle ample time to study the strange alien creature who helped her find the Elements of Harmony.” So I would be living with Twilight, I guess it could be worse.

“So Equestria isn’t doomed then?” I ask.

“Hopefully those six will be able to handle whatever comes,” Luna responded. “Although I fear they may need some guidance.”

“If only there existed a seventh Element,” I muse. “Actually I think it may be out there.” It took all of my effort to hide my smile.

“There is no seventh Element,” Luna looks concerned. “I hope that I didn’t damage your brain in our scuffle.”

“The seventh Element brought the other Elements to the right place at the right time,” I begin my grandiose tale. “The seventh Element doesn’t come with a regalia, it lies within everyone. Only a strong voice of reason could manifest its power. I am its spirit incarnate as I fully represent the Element of Common Sense!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...as his home is indeed very far away. The amount of magical energy it would take just to produce a teleport in the region would take years to build up.

Even then that wouldn’t guarantee him a safe journey. There must be another way but after talking with Princess Luna it is as I feared.

She harvested the negative energy from nightmares for a thousand years to complete the teleport. David wasn’t her only victim as his entire family line was being used by her so she could find freedom.

Research will be necessary but hopefully David will cooperate. I have arranged for him to stay in the library treehouse with myself and Spike. I just have to wait until he is released from Ponyville General to see if he approves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“By the way, where's Yogi?” I ask.

Luna looks confused and then concerned.

“In our haste to leave I fear we left him in the castle,” she responds sheepishly. At that moment I was overcome with a desire to shout very unpleasant things but I was interrupted by a noise outside.

“ALPHA!” came a voice through the window. “I CAN SMELL YOU!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We may just be the best of roommates. Only time will tell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well the pain seems to have subsided. I suppose all I needed was a little rest...

Wait, am I back in my room? That has to have been the craziest dream I have ever had. I put my feet on the floor and begin walking.

"Come along Yogi," I call before opening my bedroom door. We're going to have breakfast before doing anything else.

I stop when I realize that the room is silent. I look down at Yogi's bed and it is empty. Yogi has disappeared.

Author's Note

Ok, so this was supposed to be finished a long time ago. Life happened.

Anyone who follows me knows that I shared some of the goings on in my blogs. That compounded with the fact that I am terribly unorganized lead to a huge delay.

I am sorry, but good news I am organized now and we'll be seeing a new chapter once a month from now on.

Also, let me just go ahead and say this. Yogi was based on my real world dog who died just a few weeks ago. He was the best dog ever.

Here's to Yogi:

Special thanks to The Fiction Fanatic for proofreading.

Also, I've started a Patreon in case anyone is willing to support my ~~terrible writing~~ hobbies. No pressure.

Ticket to Ride

“Equestria?” Rick asked incredulously.

“Yes,” I respond.

“As in equestrian?” Rick begins. “Like horseriding?”

“Look I met the alicorn in my nightmares and was transported to a whole other world.” I understand why he’s having difficulty with this but I need him to move on to what’s actually important.

“I’m just trying to understand what’s going on here,” Rick clears his throat. “You claim that you actually went to another world in your dreams.”

“Well not necessarily,” I begin and sigh. “I think it might have been a dream but it’s weird that I remember it so vividly.”

“So a dream that you remember in high detail is causing you concern?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“The problem is that I went back.” Rick looks confused. “Every night when I fall asleep I wake up in Equestria and this has happened every night this week.”

“What?” Rick seems confused. He’s not making me feel any better.

“And the injuries I sustained during the first night carry over,” I expand.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Rick countered.

“But it’s happening,” I begin. “Take last night for example…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What the hell is the Grand Galloping Gala?” I ask no one in particular. The mailpony seems… well I don’t know. Her eyes go in two different directions and she’s always smiling.

“Is gala food?” Yogi asks. I just stare at him.

“Gala is not food Yogi,” I tell the mutt before addressing the mailpony. “Thanks I guess.” Then I shut the door in her face.

In my hand was an open envelope and a golden ticket with Grand Galloping Gala - Admit One written on it. On the reverse of the ticket my name was written in a similar manner. Inside the envelope there remained a sheet of paper that I didn’t have the courage to read just yet; I know that I shouldn’t procrastinate but it didn’t seem time critical. It could wait at least until I hobbled back to my comfortable chair in the back of the library.

Ah the library. It was cozy. It was also a tree.

So I was released from the hospital the day after being admitted after I explained how long it normally takes for bones to heal for my species. The doctors had cast some spells which were supposed to speed up the healing process but they stopped after I began coughing up blood. It was determined that my body was having adverse reactions to direct contact with magic and that I should limit my exposure. So the bone was set, leg encased in plaster, and I was prescribed medication for pain. I fashioned a sturdy branch into a crutch and followed Spike to the library.

Speaking of Spike, I wish that someone had told me that I’d be living with a dragon. I probably would have reacted more appropriately than shouting “HOLY SHIT IT’S A FUCKING DRAGON!” in his face. Not my best first impression.

Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve made any good first impressions here. It’s a wonder Twilight agreed to letting me live with her.

Well I’ve made it to my chair and sit down. I like the library. It’s peaceful in here and I’m surrounded by books. I know I don’t look it but I used to read all the time. I appreciate all kinds of books but I do find myself coming back to my favorites for comfort; there’s a reason why I’ve read the Hobbit five times.

I do have to admire this library though. It’s almost as though the tree itself grew with the purpose of housing books on shelves. There is literally no indication that the tree was hollowed out artificially. It’s just like it grew to be a library and home. It’s so weird.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t see what this has to do with the letter,” Rick mused.

“I didn’t want to read it to be honest,” I respond.

“Was it really that bad?” Rick asked.

“No, I guess not,” I sigh. “Just confusing.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear David Starr,

I hope that your recovery is coming along nicely. I wish that there were better things to chat about but I am deeply sorry for involving you in so much trouble.

But I do have a bit of consolation for you. In a few months time the Grand Galloping Gala will be taking place in Canterlot. As such I have taken the liberty of personally inviting you. It is entirely your choice whether you should attend but I feel that a nice evening in the biggest event in Equestria would at least be enjoyable.

Hopefully you will be able to attend.

Once again I am sorry,
Princess Luna

It’s a party. A party for ponies. I’m not sure what I expected.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m not quite understanding what your point is,” Rick interrupts my thrilling tale.

“Well the party was just that, a party," I respond. "My real point comes later because the ponies in this other world have abandoned common sense."

“What?” Rick asks.

“I made the joke once all was said and done that the only reason they survived was because I was there to be the voice of reason,” I sigh. “When I returned I realized that I may have been very accurate. For instance later that day...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Fluttershy what are you doing here?” I ask the timid pegasus at the door.

“Well I just figured that Twilight could use some help cleaning up this place so I brought my animal friends to help out,” Fluttershy answered.

“Why?”

“Well she just seemed so stressed out when I ran into her earlier that I thought I would offer some help.” Now she’s looking nervous.

“Did you run this by her at all?” I’m guessing no.

“Well no,” she begins, “but I thought I’d make it a surprise.”

“You do realize that between Twilight, Spike and myself the three of us do a pretty good job of keeping the library clean,” I say while giving my best deadpan look.

“Well I’m sure you could use a little help,” she offers. I sigh and hobble out of her way.

“The library is currently open for business so please keep it quiet and if Twilight returns I didn’t give you permission to do this,” I turn to face her, “understand?”

“I understand,” and with that a trail of squirrels, birds and a single rabbit began following her into the library.

I just make my way back to my seat. I suppose I have become the librarian whenever Twilight is away which has afforded me a few liberties and a steady job. I like this setup and I want to hang onto it while I’m here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait a minute,” Rick interrupts. “If you think it might be some dream world why are you so attached to it?”

“It feels as real as this room I’m in right now,” I drag a hand over my face while I sigh. “I’m not sure which world is the real one. For all I know this is the dream and I’m stuck in a land of ponies.”

“Well that’s pretty drastic,” Rick begins. “But I am real and I assure you that this is the real world.”

“I feel like my mental projection of you would say the exact same thing,” I counter. “Look there’s no tangible proof either way so I don’t take any chances in either world. Can I continue?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sure enough Twilight and Spike came back.

“Ugh,” she exasperatedly sighed. “I never thought being showered with gifts could be so aggravating.” That’s when she noticed Fluttershy humming a tune and dusting the shelves. “Fluttershy not you too?!”

She had managed to get all the animals into the cleaning spirit and the rabbit, whom she called Angel, was busy making a salad. She even got Yogi to help clean and all he wants to do is sleep. All in all I was impressed.

“Oh hello Twilight,” Fluttershy fluttered down to meet her. “I just thought we’d offer a little help with the spring cleaning.”

“It’s summer,” Twilight retorted. I often wonder if she gets the snarkiness from me or if it was lying dormant inside of her.

“Well better late than never,” Fluttershy offers. I sigh in my seat.

“I told her to run it by you first,” I say while looking up from my copy of the Princess and the Pauper. Twilight turns to me.

“And you couldn’t kick her out?” she asks. To answer her question I just point at my leg in the cast.

“No,” I begin, “besides she’s just cleaning. She’s also doing a really good job of it.”

“She’s doing it just because she wants my Gala ticket,” Twilight angrily retorts.

“Oh no, not at all,” Fluttershy begins. “This was Angel’s idea and—” Angel gives her a look “—oh, yes we are just doing this for the ticket.” Twilight seems to get angry and then deflate.

“Look,” Twilight begins, “I appreciate what you are doing but these favors and gifts cannot sway me here. I will let everyone know when I have made a decision but I will not be making one until I have had some lunch and some time to think it over.” She trots over to the door and opens it. “So if you could please leave I’ll begin solving this—”

A pair of pink hooves pulls Twilight and Spike out of the library. Music is heard. I know where this is going.

“Twilight said let her figure it out,” I turn to address Fluttershy. “So let her figure it out. Get the animals out of here.”

Looking dejected Fluttershy rounds up the animals and exits the library.

“Can’t say I didn’t warn her right Yogi?” I ask. I receive no answer and look around. The library is empty. “Fluttershy! Bring Yogi back here!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t think I follow,” Rick began. “What exactly is the problem and why do you feel so attached to it?”

“Twilight’s friends wouldn’t let her grab lunch to think about the dilemma,” I responded. “And I feel attached to it because I live there and those ponies should know better.”

“I think I need to prescribe you some meds,” Rick says under his breath.

“Cute,” I counter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight teleports into the library some time later. The sun has set now. Twilight still appears distraught. Spike looks extra crispy.

Note to self: Do not let Twilight teleport me. Yogi runs over to investigate.

“Warn me next time you’re gonna do that,” Spike says.

“You smell like chicken,” Yogi says. I’m thankful that only I can really understand him.

“I didn’t even know it was gonna happen,” Twilight retorts. “Now quick lock the doors.”

“Um Twilight,” I try to catch her attention.

“Not now I just need to make sure that nopony follows us,” Twilight is lost in her task.

“Too late,” I announce. She turns around and finds five ponies waiting for her.

“Aaagh,” she screams. “I can’t decide, I just can’t decide. Everypony has a good reason to go and all the gifts and favors aren’t helping me figure it out. You’re all my friends and I wanna make you all happy and I can’t.” She breaks down after that. This was a long time coming.

Applejack moves toward the distraught unicorn and lays a hoof on her.

“Twilight,” Applejack begins, “ah didn’t mean to put so much pressure on ya. An’ if it helps ah don’t want the ticket anymore. Ya can give it to somepony else.”

“Me, too,” Fluttershy offers. “I just feel so awful that I made you feel awful.”

“And me too,” Pinkie pipes in. “It’s no fun upsetting your friends.”

“Twilight,” Rarity apologizes, “it was unfair of me to try to force you as I did.” This seems to be a nice moment here.

“Yes!” Rainbow exclaims. “That means the ticket is mine!” She starts singing a song and we all give her our best mean looks. “Oh, I haven’t perfected my moves for the Wonderbolts anyway. I don’t need that ticket either.”

“You know,” I begin, “if you guys had just left Twilight alone she could have figured this all out on her own.”

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Rainbow asks me. I point to my cast. “Oh…” I receive five apologetic looks.

“We’re sorry,” all five guilty ponies say in unison.

“Spike, take a letter,” Twilight calls out. Spike appears with a scroll and quill in hand. “Dear Princess Celestia, I’ve learned that one of the great joys of friendship is sharing your blessings, but when there’s not enough to go around, having more than your friends can make you feel awful. So, though I appreciate the invitation, I will be returning both tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala.”

“What?!” five ponies say in unison. I swear it’s almost like they practice that.

“If my friends can’t all go,” Twilight looks over the others, “then I don’t want to go either.”

“Twilight,” Applejack begins, “you don’t have to go and do that.”

“Nope, I’ve made up my mind,” Twilight steels herself. “Spike you can send the letter.”

With permission granted Spike exhales a small flame which catches the scroll and sends the ashes out the open window. Fluttershy attempts to comfort Twilight which results in an impromptu group hug.

Spike then begins gagging. Applejack looks ready to tear into him but I throw my hand up to stop her. Living in the library you tend to look out for the warning signs and I feel that a letter is coming.

Sure enough Spike belches a small burst of flame and a letter materializes in the room. He expertly catches it and opens it.

“That was fast!” Twilight exclaims. It almost feels as though she was waiting for this. I wouldn’t put it past Celestia to have a response on standby for this.

“My Faithful Student Twilight,” Spike reads aloud. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?” In Spike’s hand six tickets are then revealed to the group.

“Now we can all go,” Twilight happily exclaims. “But wait,” she turns to face me, “wouldn’t you want to go too?”

“I’m touched that you’re thinking of me,” I begin, “but I’ve already got my ticket. I was invited as Luna’s plus one.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And then they all ask me questions I can’t answer and Twilight’s stomach growls and everyone just goes to get food,” I finish my story. Rick looks confused.

“I really don’t understand what you want from me here,” he offers.

“Sanity,” I say. “I want to tell these crazy stories to someone before I lose my mind. Hopefully doing so will give me some validation that one of these dreamworlds is the real one. I’ll be going back there tonight and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“Something else seems to be bothering you,” Rick has shown himself to be astute in his observations.

I feel a pang of guilt as the image of Yogi sniffing Spike passes through my brain.

“Yogi,” I sigh, “my dog has gone missing from this world but he’s there in Equestria. I’ve put up posters and checked animal shelters but he is nowhere to be found.”

“Is that why you cling so heavily to your dreams?” Rick asks.

“He could be dead or dying out there,” I shudder. “But he’s alive and well in Equestria.”

A moment passes in silence before I hear Rick stirring.

“Your hour has expired but let me just say that if you ever need to talk to someone,” he hands me a business card, “I’ll be that ear and we don’t have to make it an extra session this time.”

Taking a close look at the card I see a phone number scrawled onto the back. It’s not his office number.

“Thanks, I appreciate that,” I say. “Well I suppose it’s time for me to head back into a land of candy-colored ponies.” With that I’m out the door.

Author's Note

Who needs a steady update schedule anyway?!

I'm going to at least apologize here, I promised one chapter a month and I didn't deliver. I'm sorry.

I'll go back to my previous schedule of when it's done because that apparently let's me work on stuff faster (however that works).

So again, sorry this is late but stay tuned for the next installment.

The Forest of Danger, Kind of...

I am in my bed and my heart is racing. Was it just a dream? Yogi is still asleep in his bed and I go to him for my own comfort.

It's very subtle but I begin to notice that things becoming darker. With every step a light extinguishes. Yogi finally awakens and very slowly, mechanically and abnormally, turns his head to look at mine.

In an instant I am staring at the alicorn.

“Man’s best friend no more!” she screams. I turn on my heels and run. A door is open and I bolt through it into the impenetrable darkness.

I don’t know how long I am running before the alicorn appears in my path. She lunges at me…

She is licking me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I awaken to find that Yogi is licking my face. That’s when I realize that I am in a castle. Not any ordinary castle but a castle in ruins complete with the roof torn off. Several torn tapestries line the walls and some sort of structure or statue with five spheres sits on a dais taking center stage. I can only hope that I’m still dreaming so that I’ll wake up soon.

This dream sucks…

“We pray that your slumber was restful,” a voice calls out. I know that voice.

“I’m not entirely convinced that I’m not still dreaming,” I respond. Getting to my feet reminds me that I am still in my pajamas and am currently barefoot. I briefly notice my backpack lying in a heap next to me so I pick it up. “Too many unexplainable things here.”

“Alpha,” I hear another voice from right next to me, “the horsebeast is scary.”

“For one thing,” I sigh, “my dog is talking so I must be dreaming.” The alicorn looks confused.

“Your dog talks?” she asked. Wait, she can hear him right? It can’t just be in my head.

“You’re doing a great job of convincing me that I’m awake,” I dryly respond. "I thought that you were finished with me, can you just send me home?"

"In time," she responds. "For now we may require your assistance in dealing with a meddlesome mare."

"Eternal night is not a popular idea I take it," I snark at her. The stress must be getting to me because I'm feeling braver than I should.

"The night will no longer be ignored," the alicorn began. "Those ponies will appreciate my work!" In that moment I could relate to her.

"You have a thankless job," it wasn't a question. "So do I." Now isn't the time to forgive her though. "Can we get on with whatever it is you need from me so I can fucking go home?"

"As we have told thee, in time." She is getting on my nerves.

"So what is the fucking hold-up?" I ask and Yogi begins growling.

"Back off horsebeast!" he barks. "Alpha is mad!"

"Shut up Yogi," I tell him and he surprisingly listens, then I redirect my focus. "Care to enlighten me?"

"Very well," she begins. "A mare knows of our legend and is attempting to stop my glorious night. She is no match for our power but I would rather not take my chances. I shall need to harness the power of the Elements of Harmony to effectively stop her but I need something to focus my power on, that is where you come in."

"What are the Elements of Harmony?" I ask. "It's not dangerous is it?"

"Only if you are not a harmonious creature," she answers. That makes me nervous.

"Wait, harmony? Can you even wield this power? Eternal night is hardly considered harmonious." A cold glare is cast my way but the chill is soon replaced by fury.

"After my banishment this is what I am due!" she screams in my face. I am suddenly reminded that I do not have control here.

I want to go home. I cower for a moment before I make a decision. Do I want to die a coward or a brave fool? Well I have always been a fool...

"Who gave you the right to treat others so callously?" I stand before the alicorn and notice that her eyes are level with mine. "You kidnapped me and now you refuse to let me go so I can be your guinea pig?" I'm not sure when I started shouting but I notice it now. "If you want my help we do this my way."

She is not yelling, she is just staring. Her posture went defensive during my episode but she seems to have calmed herself.

"Very well Mr. Starr," she begins. “We won’t be needing your help after all.” Her horn starts glowing before I realize that I am not going to like her much.

“Oh fuck me,” I exhale. Not my best choice for famous last words but it all becomes moot as the spell hits me and the castle fades to black.

When the world comes into focus I am at the edge of a forest and surrounded by six ponies. They look surprised.

“Whoa nelly!” the orange pony wearing a stetson exclaims.

“Wait a minute,” the rainbow-maned pegasus begins. “You’re the creature who was with Nightmare Moon after she announced her plan. You’re working with her!”

“Hardly,” I reply. “She kidnapped me and now I appear to have been discarded.” I take a moment to assess my surroundings before I realize the futility of it all, a town lies down the road in the direction away from the ominous forest. “I’m willing to bet money she’s in there. Dream or no dream I just want to go home. Come on Yogi.” The silence bothers me so I look around again. “And she didn’t send my dog, great.” I take my first steps forward only for my foot to land on a rock. I’m not proud of what happens next...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somewhere down the path a policemare sat. Eternal night was promised so confusion and panic had sprouted forth from the townsponies.

“Please return to your homes,” she said to the crowd. “I promise that everything in our power is being done to solve this dilemma.” The grumbling voices begin to quiet down but that just reveals a softer noise being carried through the square. A noise dampened by echoes and distance but still holding power.

It was unintelligible but full of malice and hatred. A chill ran down the spine of every pony present and the square began to slowly empty as ponies realized they had better things to do.

Whatever monster was being disturbed enough to make that noise at least it was far away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“...WITH A FUCKING GARDEN HOSE!” I’m breathing heavily after making many bold threats that don’t seem physically possible in retrospect. Now that I’ve sufficiently calmed down I notice six pairs of eyes focused on me. Look, I’m not proud of it let’s just continue.

“Um,” the purple one, or would lavender be more appropriate, begins tentatively. “You seem to be having problems.” I sigh and realize that I have my backpack on me so I begin looking through it.

“I just want to go home and that alicorn knows how to get me there,” it wasn’t a question that needed to be answered but voicing my motivations seemed prudent. In my backpack I found a pair of flip-flops from the last trip to the beach I had taken. “Better than nothing,” I said as I put them on.

“Wait right there,” lavender ordered me as she turned toward the rest of the group. “We need to decide what to do with him.”

“Clearly he’s working with Nightmare Moon so I say we just tie him up and leave him here,” rainbow offered. I don’t think I like this one.

“Now Rainbow Dash,” stetson began, wait her name is actually Rainbow? “we can’t just leave him alone in the Everfree. Who knows what could come ‘round. ‘Sides he’s not working with Nightmare Moon.”

“And you know this how?” offered the white one. Kind of reminds me of a marshmallow.

“He ain’t lyin’,” stetson offered with a shrug. “Ah can tell that much. He just wants ta go home. So why not bring him with us?”

“So he can just vanish once he figures out how to go back?” lavender asked. “How is that supposed to work?”

“She has the Elements of Harmony,” I said and all eyes were on me again. “I doubt they’re going to let her use them though. I just need to get back and I’ll try talking some sense into her again.”

“She is in the Castle of the Two Sisters?” lavender asked me.

“I’m guessing that name is supposed to mean something,” I say aloud. “We were in a ruined castle before she decided that I was unnecessary.” Wait, she knows something. “Do you know how to get to that castle?”

“Nopony has been there in centuries but its last known location was deep within the Everfree Forest,” lavender explained.

“So nothing substantial,” I sigh. “Did you guys have any real plan or did you just decide to save the world?”

“Well I could track the magical signal of the teleport to find our destination,” she said mostly to herself.

“How does that work?” I ask. She looks surprised that I asked.

“All magic leaves a trace it’s just a matter of narrowing it down,” she stares at me for a second before her horn begins glowing. “Hold still.”

A strange sensation falls over me. It almost pulls me in two as I feel drawn somewhere behind and somewhere toward the forest. After a moment it passes but the taste of copper lingers in my mouth.

“Perfect!” she exclaims before pointing toward the path ahead. “The teleport originated from that direction.”

“Great so we don’t need this weird thing anymore,” Rainbow chimed in.

“Unless you lose your path,” I offer, “then you’ll need to reorient. Face it Rainbow you need me and I will go back to that castle and get my dog back.” I start walking down the path before voicing my next thought. “And kick that alicorn on my way out.”

After a moment I heard hoofbeats following me. I think I’m winning them over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I know this is a very important mission to save the entire world but isn’t there some sort of caution we can take?” I say to the group as we overlook a cliff.

“What do you mean?” Twilight, the lavender unicorn as she introduced herself, asked. I stare in response and motion toward the large drop just feet away from our current position.

“Nightmare Moon is aware that you are after her,” I begin, “and if I wanted to control the world I wouldn’t hesitate to drop the only people who know of my plan off a cliff.”

“But this is the most direct route to the castle,” Twilight counters.

“I know I just don’t like it,” I respond.

“I understand what ya mean,” Applejack, the orange mare with the stetson, offered. “The Everfree just don’t sit right with me. It just ain’t natural.”

“You know why that is?” Rainbow mocked the group from above. “‘Cause everypony who’s ever came in has never come out.”

I’m sure I had some dry remark to throw the pegasus’s way but I was distracted by the fact that the cliff had collapsed directly in front of me causing the four ponies without wings to begin plummeting to their doom.

Immediately Rainbow Dash and the other pegasus, a yellow one named Fluttershy, sprang into action and rescued marshmallow, I mean Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Twilight and Applejack had to contend by themselves for the time being just like I had to contend with being alone on the edge of a very unstable cliff…

“Okay,” I said to calm my nerves, “how do I get down?” I look around and notice some outcroppings spaced apart along the cliff’s face but I would never be able to make the leaps with my own legs. “I think I’ll just wait for the pegasi.”

Down the cliff I notice Applejack holding Twilight as she is about to go over the edge. It looks like they are talking but I can’t make out what they’re saying. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash begin flying back toward them when Twilight just resigns herself to falling over. She is caught and Applejack starts making her way down the cliff.

“I don’t suppose someone can come get me!” I shout down to the ponies. Within a few moments Rainbow and Fluttershy are at my side.

“I’m not doing this for you,” Rainbow throws my way, “I’m doing this ‘cause Twilight needs to do that spell.”

“Glad to see where your loyalties lay,” I throw in her face. We take off and reach the group without further incident.

On the ground Twilight does her spell again, this time the taste of copper makes me feel momentarily sick but we keep moving forward.

“So Applejack?” she turns to look in my direction. “What did you guys do on that cliff up there?”

“I told Twilight ta let go,” she says. “Told her everything would turn out alright if she did.”

“You mean to tell me that you didn’t tell her that the pegasi were heading back and would catch her?”

“Nope.”

“That is a terrible plan.”

“It was the honest truth,” Applejack counters.

“Honest would have also been telling her that she would be caught,” I retort.

“I couldn’t hold her forever,” Applejack begins. “I needed her to understand that she needed to act now.” I could see the logic there.

“That is still a terrible plan,” I offer, “and I’m surprised that you went with it Twilight.”

“She sounded really convincing in the moment,” Twilight offers. “I couldn’t bring myself to believe that she would lie to me.” I decide that it’s probably best for my sanity to just let it go.

Down the path we go while Rainbow Dash recounts her rescue story repeatedly. I feel the need to tell her off but something tells me that my patience will be rewarded.

Then we encounter a manticore.

“Manticore!” Twilight shouts. The manticore roars in response and I back away slowly. What? I’m not fighting it.

The rest of the group are surprisingly well equipped to fight the beast and I think that they’re going to finish it off when Fluttershy interrupts the action.

“WAIT!” Fluttershy shouts and, surprisingly, everyone does.

“It’s okay,” she tells the monster and it just shows her its paw. A thorn is stuck in it. Of course there is. “This might hurt for just a second.” She removes the thorn and is greeted by a roar followed immediately by being licked in the face. The manticore soon takes off into the forest.

“How did you know about the thorn?” Twilight asked before I finished processing what I just witnessed.

“I didn’t,” Fluttershy began. “Sometimes we all just need to be shown a little kindness.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And I am going to do my damnedest to forget what I just witnessed,” I say. I don’t want to talk about it.

“Why would you want to forget that Pinkie just saved us from a horrifying forest?” Twilight asks. She’s going to make me talk about it.

“Because it implies too much,” I sigh in resignation. “Where did the music even come from? Look, I don’t want to know so I’m just moving on.” I feel that my statement would evoke more dramatic tension if my current path wasn’t blocked by a raging river. The universe is out to kill me via subtle irony, I just know it.

“How are we gonna cross this?” Pinkie chimes in moments before crying is heard in the distance. Everyone just shrugs and moves toward the noise. Might as well get this over with.

We are greeted to a sea serpent sobbing in the water and violently thrashing. I guess that’s the source of the treacherous pass.

“What a world, what a world,” the serpent shouts on the wind. I have a feeling that I’m not in Kansas anymore. Shut up, that was funny and you know it.

“Excuse me sir,” Twilight begins, good thing too I’m in no mood for this. “Why are you crying?”

“Well, I don’t know,” I’m getting a big drama queen vibe from this guy. “I was just sitting here minding my own business when a tacky little cloud of purple smoke just whisked by and tore half of my mustache clean off, and now I look simply horrid!” He breaks down into wailing sobs once more.

Sure enough, half of his mustache is missing and he's going to wallow in self-pity about it. I hate everything this guy stands for. Applejack and Rainbow Dash appear to mirror my sentiments. Unsurprisingly Rarity seems sympathetic.

“Oh just look at him,” Rarity speaks up. “Such lovely luminescent scales.”

“I know,” the serpent, I’m calling him Steven, responds.

“And your expertly coiffed mane,” Rarity keeps indulging him.

“I know, I know,” Steven replies. What? He reminds me of a guy I know named Steven.

“Your fabulous manicure.” I wish she’d get to the point already.

“It’s so true.” Shut up Steven.

“All ruined without your beautiful mustache,” Rarity finishes.

“It’s true!” Steven shouts. “I’m hideous!” Well, he’s got one thing right.

“I simply cannot let this crime against fabulosity go uncorrected,” Rarity dramatically boasts. She yanks a scale from Steven’s body and raises it high.

She cuts her own tail off. Steven dramatically faints. While he's down Rarity attaches her tail to his face.

“Oh ho HO!” Steven begins. “My mustache! How wonderful.”

“Rarity, your beautiful tail…” Twilight begins.

“Oh it’s fine darling,” Rarity placates her concerns. “Short tails are in this season. Besides, it’ll grow back.”

“So would the mustache,” Rainbow adds under her breath.

“I think I’m going to like you,” I throw Rainbow’s way. “In any event with Steven placated the river is no longer a deathtrap so we can cross now, right?” Everyone stares at me.

“How did you know my name is Steven?” the serpent asked me.

“It’s just what I was calling you in my head because you remind me of a friend I have,” I say before thinking.

“Interesting,” Steven eyes me closer. His voice seems to drop to a seductive tone before adding, “Were you close with this Steven?”

“Did you have to ask that in the creepiest way possible?” I begin wading in the river before the serpent’s tail rises and forms a bridge under my feet.

“Allow me,” he flamboyantly offers. At least that made crossing the river easier. “And don’t be a stranger,” Steven added before disappearing underwater.

“So,” Rainbow hovers over my head ready to dash whatever respect I have growing for her, “you gonna come back to see your boyfriend or what?”

“Don’t make me add your name to the list of equines I’m supposed to kick,” I say before marching forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There it is,” Twilight points to a set of ruins ahead of us. “The ruins that hold the Elements of Harmony. We made it!” She takes off.

“Wait for us!” Applejack shouts before following after her. I briskly jog knowing the futility of trying to keep up with horses. This leads me to seeing Twilight almost fall off a cliff.

Apparently there was a rope bridge here that fell down some time ago. I really should have seen that coming.

“What’s with you and falling off cliffs today?” Rainbow asks.

“Now what?” Pinkie offers. In response Rainbow begins flying.

“Duh!” Rainbow says while flapping her wings. She takes off and grabs the rope bridge. She flies into the fog ahead. The rest of us wait.

“Does anypony wanna sing a song?” Pinkie offers.

“For the love of God no!” I shout. Pinkie just shrugs.

“Okie dokie lokie,” Pinkie says. We continue waiting in silence.

“What is taking Rainbow so long?” Twilight asks after a few moments. Half of the bridge was assembled but the other rope needed to be secured. “Oh no! Rainbow don’t listen to them!” she begins shouting across the chasm.

I take a look and just before the fog rolls in I see Rainbow talking to some strange ponies in flight suits. They seem sinister. I have no idea what to expect now. So imagine my surprise when a few moments later the bridge goes taut and Rainbow flies back to us.

“I’d never leave my friends hanging,” Rainbow boasts and we continue to the castle.

Surprisingly we make it with no incident, which is exactly what worries me as I stand outside.

“Moment of truth,” Twilight mentions behind me. “It’s time to see if it was wise to trust you.”

“The only thing I know is that we are expected,” I sigh. “I’ll go first.” I step through the threshold and find myself stepping out of the freezer at the deli.

Wait, what?

“What the hell were you doing in there for so long?” my manager asks me.

“I don’t even remember coming to work,” I begin. “I think I should go home.” I start walking past him but he puts an arm up to block me.

“You have to finish your shift,” he leers at me. We’re unionized, something is not right. I look down and I’m still in my pajamas.

“God damn dream logic,” I offer to no-one-in-particular and throw a punch at my manager.

That’s about when the entire deli exploded and I was left floating in a void. I am in way too deep here.

Author's Note

Fun fact: This was supposed to originally be posted a lot sooner. Then I threw the entire thing out because I realized that the characters would have to be stupid to continue acting the way I was writing them.

The next chapter will be here when it's ready, hopefully a lot sooner than this one.

Special thanks to The Fiction Fanatic for proofreading this chapter. (We'll just pretend that I totally forgot to mention that when I first published this...)