Excerpted from the diary of Aaron Heibai:

To be completely honest... I think my problem first started with The Merchant. He's a total asshole, by the way. Never trust a damn word he says. But I digress. Some quadrillion years or so ago, I bought something from him, got sent to Equestria, and then became one of the most horrifically overpowered things in all of non-existence. And then I quit my day job to become a traveling salesman with a department store full of literally everything.

Go me.

~Aaron Heibai

EDIT: Featured on 4/1/15 Never thought that would happen. Thank you.