B-But Infinite Books, Twilight!
The Human Genie
There was once a human, he was stuck in a genie lamp, pretty cheap one too! This human waited in the lamp for someone to pick him up and rub his lamp. Out would pop the human to grant ONE wish, within reason of course.
There were no dumb things such as “Wish for more wishes” or “Make this mare fall in love with me” nonsense. You best believe the latter one has caused so much trouble that it was banned from the list of valid wishes, it defied all order of the universe so much that Discord got an early release.
But the wishes the genie got were very selfish indeed. Money, power, immortality and anything self-centered
Now, everytime the human had been summoned, he would teleport somewhere random and wait but it had been 200 years since somepony had found him…until today that is!
I have been in this damn lamp forever! When is the next pony with a wish gonna come along? Oh who am I kidding? They’ll just wish for some Mary-Sue powers or riches or something so damn cliché!
See, this is why you don’t go rogue in front of Princess Celestia, you get Harmonied around the block into some cheap genie lamp knockoff. And it’s made of plastic too!
“Hey Twilight, watcha got there?” I head a young male voice ask
“A Genie lamp” Twilight answers
Yeeeessssss….rub it! Rub the lamp! Make me grant a wish for you...that's hopefully not too self-centered.
“Cool! Does it grant three wishes with some magical genie-pony coming out?” the voice asks again
“No Spike, I think this lamp is just some cheap plastic knockoff, why would some wish-granting object be hidden inside this?” Twilight asks
The sad part is that her statement is almost true.
“Although it would be cool wouldn’t it? Have any wish you want granted, maybe Rarity and I can finally be together” Spike says
Oh, I can tell he is so fantasying about this “Rarity”, HEY SEND ME SOME PICTURES TOO! The worst part about being a genie is that you can’t have some porn collection or something to fantasize about while you’re waiting for the next wish, the last girl I remembered was that Luna when she turned Nightmare Moon, you will not believe what evil in the right woman can do to a woman with their looks.
“You know, what the hay? Why don’t I rub it? Just for fun” Twilight says
“Make sure you say some dramatic words when you do it, like “OH MIGHTY GENIE, COME FORTH AND GRANT MY WISH!”” Spike says with Dramatic fashion
“Hee Hee, as funny as it is, I must decline” Twilight says
“Awww…” Spike probably looked down at that
But Twilight rubbed the lamp and I felt myself pop into existence, into a wooden treehouse room thing in front of a Purple Unicorn and Dragon…well a baby one at that. At this point, this weirdness does not surprise me, believe me, you don't want to know.
“You have summoned the Human Genie, state your wish and I’ll grant it…within reason of course” I recited my first line as soon as I got summoned.
“Woah” Spike looks in awe
“Well, I…um didn’t think this was possible…” Twilight said in surprise
“Look, you gonna wish something or what?” I asked impatiently
“Oh…um, I wish for…Infinite Books!” Twilight wished
Wait…what? Really?
“So you want…infinite books?” I ask
“Yes, that is what I wished for” Twilight confirmed
“So let’s get this straight, you don’t want ultimate power, immortality, conquering the world or being really rich?” I ask her
“That’s correct, I just want infinite books” Twilight says
“It’s gonna take forever to re-shelf all those books” Spike groaned
“Are you absolutely sure? You could be so rich, you’d never have to worry about debt again. You could rule the world that all shall bow before you. Be so powerful that the Earth would stop for you or live forever” I told her in a tempting voice.
“I just want the infinite books” She says without a change in her tone.
Well…this is officially new to me.
“Huh” I say
“What?” Twilight asks
“It’s just that, ever since Princess Celestia trapped me in this cheap plastic genie lamp for just one bit 1078 years ago, all anypony ever wished for was ultimate power or riches or immortality. You should of seen the love wishes, Discord would have been proud” I explain
“Really?” Twilight asked, she was very interested.
“Yeah, even Luna did something similar “I wish ponies would respect the night more”, she got so wrapped up when the wish failed, because she wanted them to respect her so she came Nightmare Moon” I explained
“So when was the last time anyone made something good?” Twilight asked
“Pretty much never, like I said, it’s always some form of self-centered wish, I once had a noble who was so successful that his wish was to be fertile enough with his junk to make a mare pregnant so he could use his son to higher his position and that colt was basically a piece of meat to him and the wife mysteriously disappeared.” I explained the self-centered wish
“Sounds like something Prince Blueblood would do” Twilight was reminded of the jerkish Prince
“That would be his great-grandad who made that wish” I say
We shared a silence as I stood my lamp, this was kinda nice.
“You know, this is kind of nice” I say to Twilight
“What is?” She asks me
“Just talking, all anypony ever did was demand the wish and I’d be in the lamp again in ten seconds” I answer
“It must be horrible in there” Twilight says
“Yeah” I say
Twilight rubbed a hoof under her chin and said one sentence I did not think existed in the pony vocabulary.
“Then I wish for you to be free of your punishment, to not be stuck in a genie granting self-centered wishes” Twilight says
“Wait waitwaitwaitwait wait wait...what?” I am sure I just did not hear that
“I want you free, I will not leave you to a fate that is granting ponies’ selfish desires for money and power” Twilight repeats
“Are you absolutely sure about this?” I ask the mare.
“What about the infinite books?” Spike chips in his thoughts.
“No, I think I have enough books to last a while Spike, it’s a bit more to my interests so I will make a selfless one and free the genie and we help a friend in need” Twilight shakes her head
“I-I-‘m your friend? But we just met 5 minutes ago” I reply in shock
“And 5 minutes is enough for me, my best friends' first meetings were done in 5 minutes.” Twilight reasoned
Can this possibly be happening? I must be high or something.
“Then say it” I give in to reality
“Genie, I wish for you to be free of your genie punishment, to be free to walk Equestria as you please” Twilight wishes
“Y-Your wish shall be granted, Twilight Sparkle!” I boom my voice.
A flash of light appears to blind me and I felt my body feeling…disconnected.
I, the genie of the lamp am free from the accursed bit of cheap plastic…FOREVER! I'm free! FREE!
I couldn’t help but shed some tears, tears of joy as I bent down and hugged Twilight.
“I-I thought all ponies of Equestria were just stupid self-centered moronic ponies, never have I been glad to be so mistaken in my entire life” I say
“It was the least I could do” Twilight hugs back
“This scene is too sappy for me, I’m out” Spike exits after watching this scene.
I stood up and made for the door, but Twilight’s voice rang out behind me.
“Where are you going?” She asks me
“To do what I should of done all those years ago, apologize to the Princesses and rekindle our friendship” I say to her with a smile.
“Be safe, Genie” Twilight says
I turned back to her and uttered these words as I left for the castle, I said my real name that had not been said in over 1000 years:
“My name is Ben, Ben Strider”
The End!
Author's Note
First up, First one to make an innuendo of any kind gets a slap in the face.
Second, this idea was in my head for a while so I had to get this one out.
