The Pizza Parable

by Metool Bard

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 1910

What should've been a simple pizza run turns into a logic puzzle with no real solution.

The Crusaders are planning a little sleepover to prove that they're responsible enough to take care of themselves. To this end, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle decide to pick up a pizza for dinner. What follows is a series of mistakes that may make for an intriguing noodle-scratcher for the outside observer. But for the Crusaders, it just leads to empty stomachs and embarrassment.

Based on a true story.

Published 2015-03-27 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-27 21:10:01 UTC

Who's to Blame?

"A sleepover? Are you sure 'bout this, Apple Bloom?"

"Eeyup. It ain't on a school night, and we promise not to stay up too late."

Granny Smith knitted her brow. "I dunno, young'un."

"Aw, c'mon, Granny!" Apple Bloom whined. "You let Applejack sleep over at her friends' houses all the time! Why can't we have a sleepover, too?"

"I ain't sayin' you can't, Apple Bloom. I just feel like it'd be better if you went over to their house or somethin'."

Apple Bloom folded her arms. "What's wrong with us sleepin' in the clubhouse? Applejack built that for us, y'know."

"I'd feel better if I could keep an eye on y'all."

Apple Bloom groaned and rolled her eyes. "Granny, we ain't babies. We can take care of ourselves, honest."

Granny Smith raised an eyebrow. "Y'promise?"

"Promise."

Granny Smith pursed her lips and stroked her chin. Finally, she shrugged.

"Well, if their parents say it's okay, I guess y'all can have your sleepover."

"Yay!" Apple Bloom cheered. "Thank you, Granny. I promise, we'll be super responsible and—"

"Hey, Apple Bloom! Some of us are trying to get our food here! Quit holding up the line!"

Apple Bloom whipped around to see a disgruntled Snips staring her down with his lunch tray in hand. Behind him, a whole line of students gave her a dirty look. Apple Bloom blushed and let out a nervous chuckle.

"Oh. Uh, heh heh... Sorry."

She quietly shuffled away with her food and kept a sharp lookout for her friends. It didn't take long for her to spot Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo sitting at an otherwise empty table. Scootaloo was the first to notice her and quickly waved her over.

"So, what's the story?" she asked as Apple Bloom sat down.

Apple Bloom smiled. "Granny says it's okay, but she wants us to be responsible," she said. "What about you two?"

"My parents said it's fine," said Sweetie Belle, grinning from ear-to-ear. "Rarity even said that she was proud of me about acting all grown up."

"Ditto for me, minus the mushy stuff," added Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom nodded. "Good. Alright, girls. We're gonna be on our own tonight, so we should plan for it. I'll head home and get the clubhouse all tidied up. Now, what're we gonna do about dinner?"

"Well, that's easy," said Scootaloo with a smirk. "I was thinking I could pick up a pizza on my way over. There's a great place just across the street from my apartment. I may need to ask for an advance on my allowance, but trust me, it'll be worth it."

"Wait! I've got a better idea!" Sweetie Belle interjected. "I haven't spent any of my allowance yet. Why don't we pool our money together? That way, you won't have to bug your parents for extra cash!"

"Sounds good to me," said Scootaloo. "So, when should we meet?"

"I reckon I'll have the place fixed up by six thirty or so," said Apple Bloom.

"Okay. That means Sweetie Belle and I should meet by the pizza place at around six," said Scootaloo with a nod. "That should give us enough time to get the pizza and head on over to the clubhouse."

"Right. I'll let my parents know when I get home," said Sweetie Belle. She then squealed in delight. "Oh boy! This is so exciting! We're gonna have a sleepover by ourselves!"

"Eeyup," said Apple Bloom with a wide grin. "This should prove once and for all that we can handle bein' on our own."

"You said it," Scootaloo concurred. "I mean, it's just gonna be us eating pizza in the clubhouse and hanging out. Nothing can possibly go wrong!"

"Crusader sleepover at the clubhouse! Yay!" the Crusaders cheered, high-fiving one another.

***

Later that evening, Scootaloo waited outside the pizza parlor with her scooter in hand. Just as the clock tower was beginning to chime, Sweetie Belle appeared down the street and waved to Scootaloo.

"Right on time," said Scootaloo, giving Sweetie Belle a thumbs-up. "You got your money?"

"Right here," said Sweetie Belle, patting her pocket.

"Excellent," said Scootaloo. "Let's go."

The two of them walked inside to the small pizza parlor and marched right up to the counter. The cook noticed them and smiled.

"Ah, Scootaloo! My favorite customer!" she said warmly.

"Hey, Adriana," said Scootaloo with a wave. "We'd like one medium pie to go, please."

"Coming right up!" said Adriana.

She quickly scooped up a freshly-made pie and placed it into the oven. While they were waiting, Scootaloo noticed a glass shaker on the counter filled with red flakes. She smacked her lips in anticipation.

"What's up, Scoot?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"I hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna want some hot pepper flakes on my slices," said Scootaloo.

Sweetie Belle's face contorted in disgust. "Hot pepper flakes? On pizza? Bleh~! What is it with you and spicy stuff, Scootaloo?"

"Hey, it's not my fault you and Apple Bloom can't handle hot stuff," Scootaloo huffed. "Like I said, I just want it for me."

"Fine, whatever," Sweetie Belle sighed, raising her arms. "Apparently, you just think burning the roof of your mouth is fun."

"Yeah, I'm not dignifying that," said Scootaloo indignantly.

"Order up!"

Adriana slid the hot pizza into a box and presented it to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. The two of them took in a deep whiff and smiled.

"Mmm-mmm~!" Sweetie Belle hummed, rubbing her stomach. "You were right, Scoot. This place is good."

"Told ya," said Scootaloo as she reached into her pockets. "Here, you go pay for the pie. I need to make some finishing touches."

Sweetie Belle simply rolled her eyes and took Scootaloo's money over to the cashier. While she paid, Scootaloo took the glass shaker and stared over the pie like a predator waiting to pounce. Slowly, she tipped the shaker.

"Scootaloo, wait!"

Adriana's warning came too late. As Scootaloo tipped the shaker, the top of it came loose. Pepper flakes spilled out of the shaker, coating a single slice entirely. Adriana sighed.

"I was going to tell you that I had just refilled the shakers and some of the caps might be loose," she said.

Sweetie Belle looked over the damage for a moment, and then over at Scootaloo. "Anti-dibs."

Scootaloo blinked. "What?"

"I'm calling anti-dibs. That's officially your slice," said Sweetie Belle, folding her arms.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" exclaimed Scootaloo. "I like spicy stuff, but that's too much even for me!"

"You should've thought of that before dumping pepper flakes all over it," Sweetie Belle said frankly.

Scootaloo let out a strained sigh. "It's okay. We can work with this. There's still enough pie to last us the night, and I can live without pepper flakes. C'mon, let's go."

Sweetie Belle sighed and shrugged. "If you say so," she said. "Well, at least it can't get any worse..."

***

A few minutes later, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle arrived at the treehouse that overlooked Sweet Apple Acres. With the pie in hand, Scootaloo climbed up the tree ever so carefully, with Sweetie Belle right at her heels. At the top, she knocked on the door.

"Yo, Apple Bloom! We're here!" she called out.

The sound of sputtering and rummaging came from inside. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had just enough time to exchange worried looks before Apple Bloom opened the door, her face as red as her bow. When the Crusaders stepped inside, they could see why. The entire place was a pigsty. The floor itself was clean enough, but all of the desks, tables, and chairs were piled high with all sorts of miscellaneous junk.

"Apple Bloom! You said the place would be clean by the time we got here!" Sweetie Belle griped.

"I-I know," said Apple Bloom, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. "I-I did my best, girls. But after pickin' all the stuff up off the floor, I just got tired and took a nap."

Scootaloo deadpanned. "You took a nap before a sleepover? Really?"

"Look, what happened happened," said Apple Bloom. "We can work with this. Sweetie Belle, go put the pie somewhere. Scoot and I will finish cleanup."

"Um, okay," said Sweetie Belle, taking the pie from Scootaloo. She quickly scanned the room for an adequate place, settling for a cramped desk. Ever so daintily, she placed the pizza box on the precarious lip of the desk. Beads of sweat dripped from her brow as she tried to get the pizza to stay.

"Okay. Steady. Steady..."

Finally, the pizza seemed to stabilize. Sweetie Belle breathed a sigh of relief and turned to her friends.

"Okay, everything's fine," she said. "We can work with th—"

A loud splat interrupted her thoughts. The three Crusaders turned around, their jaws hanging wide open. The pie had fallen from the desk and onto the floor face first. Slowly, Apple Bloom scooped it up and cringed. The entire pizza was decorated with excessive pepper flakes, making the whole thing inedible. After a long pause, she glared at Sweetie Belle.

"Why'd you have to go and put that on the desk there?!" she yelled. "You could've just set it on the floor!"

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Sweetie Belle squeaked. "It's Scootaloo's! Her and her stupid pepper flakes!"

"Hey, don't try to pin all this on me! What do the pepper flakes have to do with anything?!" protested Scootaloo.

"If you didn't insist on having those stupid pepper flakes on your pizza, we could've salvaged it!" Sweetie Belle argued.

"Oh, sure! Like I knew the cap was loose," Scootaloo growled. "Besides, what about Apple Bloom? She said the clubhouse would be clean when we got here! Then we wouldn't have to struggle to find space in the first place!"

"I just goofed, alright?! It ain't that big a deal, anyway!" shouted Apple Bloom. "Or at least it wouldn't have been if Sweetie Belle just put it on the floor and not on that there cramped desk!"

"We can't eat off of the floor! That's disgusting!"

"You just said we could've salvaged the pizza from the floor if I hadn't sprinkled the pepper flakes!"

"I was speaking hypothetically!"

"Well, hypothetically, we wouldn't be in this mess if Apple Bloom just cleaned the clubhouse like she said she would!"

"Hypothetically, you two should get off my back!"

The three girls went around and around, bickering and arguing for several minutes. Finally, there was a knock at the door, and Big Macintosh peered his head inside.

"Everything alright in here?" he asked.

The Crusaders gulped and pointed at each other. "It's her fault," they said in unison.

Big Macintosh took one look at the scene and heaved a great sigh. He then took out his cellphone and dialed a number. "Hello, Adriana's? Yeah, I'd like to order a pizza to be delivered."

Apple Bloom blinked. "Wait, we could've just, ordered?"

Sweetie Belle groaned and slapped her forehead. "So much for being responsible."

"Hey, look on the bright side," said Scootaloo, forcing a smile. "At least we've got a funny story to tell our kids."

Author's Note

This is just a silly little homage to a silly little story my dad told me about his collage/high school days (I don't remember which it was :twilightblush: ). Of course, a few details have been altered to fit the EqG setting.

Dad, if by some miracle you manage to find this, happy birthday. :scootangel: