It's Been Over a Year and I Still Have No Idea What to Call This Chapter
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Chris Redfield Punches Boulder
It's Been Over a Year and I Still Have No Idea What to Call This Chapter
“Pinkie Pie tells me that you share my love for fashion!” Rarity stepped forward with a smile on her face, the first to attempt to break the awkward silence that formed between them.
Maud blinked. “I’m really into expressing myself through my wardrobe.,” she stated.
“And what does the delightful frock you’re wearing now say?” She gestured towards Maud’s dress with a hoof.
Maud Pie slowly cocked an eyebrow. “It doesn’t talk. It’s a dress.”
Rarity’s face scrunched up. “Er, well yes… I just meant… um…” Her voice faded as she took her place beside Twilight again. The five ponies exchanged worried looks as Pinkie kept right on smiling.
Suddenly, the dog ran forward with a happy bark, did a lap around Maud, and stopped to sit beside her.
“Er, this here’s Winona.” Applejack’s voice wavered only slightly. “That’s Owlicious, Tank, Opalescence, and Angel.” The pets moved forward as their names were called. “Pinkie Pie told us you have a pet too!”
Maud regarded the pets with a measured stare before turning her attention back to Applejack. “He’s in my pocket.”
“Oooh!” Fluttershy suddenly spoke up. “You have a pocket pet? Like a tiny mouse? Or a baby bird? Or a trained butterfly?” With each pet she listed off, her smile grew wider and wider.
Maud blinked. “It’s a rock.” She reached into her pocket and threw a small pebble onto the ground. Fluttershy’s happy smile twisted downwards in confusion. “His name is Boulder.”
“What?!” a monumentally deafening voice called out from somewhere.
Everyone’s ears except Maud’s went flat against their heads as they looked around for the source of the noise. Maud’s gaze went towards the sky with mild interest as the clouds began to part.
“Did someone say boulder?!” The loud but manly voice called from the clouds above.
Rarity’s eyes widened, and her pupils shrunk to small, black orbs. “Oh no! It’s him again!”
Maud directed her gaze back towards Rarity. “Who?”
Rarity began to rapidly trot in place. “That...that brute who punched Tom!”
Twilight gave her friend an odd look. “Punched...Rarity, what are you talking about?”
Rarity huffed and pointed up as the clouds began to part. “I’m talking about that!”
Then, from the parted clouds, a massive man fell. A plethora of broken rocks fell around him as he descended from his throne in the clouds, his fist held out in front of him as he began to yell his battle cry. The size of his biceps were the envy of every stallion who could see him, his voice caused the angels to weep in joy.
The man was none other than Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™. He had arrived once again, and his duty called.
“How are you even here?” Rarity yelled out to the falling man. “You’re dead! You died!”
“Death will not hold me back from fulfilling my duty, you freak of nature!” Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™ yelled as he descended.
Maud frowned. “Don’t call my sister’s friends freaks, please.”
“Too late! Move out of the way, I’m coming down!” Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™’s eyes glowed with a divine light as his fist burned with the fury of a thousand suns. The trail he left in his wake was one of righteousness, the sense of satisfaction one gets from fulfilling their duty as a soldier.
The ponies did move, save for Maud who went right on frowning, even as Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™’s fist connected with her dearly loved pet.
At the moment of impact, stories are told. Some of another universe that was created in that very moment, whose denizens have practiced in the art of boulder punching all of their lives. They hoped to live up to be half of the man that Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder puncher Extraordinaire™ was in that moment, delivering his unending fury onto a tiny piece of rock. Its very existence defied him, and its name even more so.
As his fist smashed into the ground, the resulting explosion of energy was akin to that of a collapsing star. The aura of punching that spread to every corner of the globe, and caused several hundred mares, as well as women in other universes, to climax in immense ecstasy. The stallions, and the manly men in other universes also, wept for the sheer level of badassery they experienced but would never achieve.
As for Maud, she remained staring straight ahead, unflinching. The explosion blew her mane and tail backwards, but she only offered a slow blink in response. The dust from the explosion began to settle, and revealed the massive crater left behind. Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™ lifted his Legendary Fist of Legend™ and looked underneath.
There, sitting perfectly intact with not a scratch on him, was Boulder.
Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™ gazed down upon his foe with a scowl. “That will teach you to mess with me, you grey abomination!”
Then Maud was there, blocking his line of sight. her expression still unchanging.
“You hurt my pet,” she stated flatly.
Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™, spat to the side. “Yeah I did. He was in the way of rescuing my partner. Damn boulders think they can get in my way.”
Maud said nothing. Instead, she brought her right foreleg back, then swung it forwards with all of the rock-crushing power it entailed.
Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder puncher Extraordinaire™’s hands immediately shot to his crotch as his face scrunched up in pain. “My...my little boulders!” Chris Redfield, Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™ exclaimed as he fell to the side. The strong, unequaled man from a moment ago had dissolved into a whimpering mess on the ground.
Maud, Certified Badass Groin Kicker Extraordinaire™ regarded Chris with an indifferent gaze, then picked Boulder up and walked back up to her sister and her friends, who were gazing at her with wide eyes and open mouths.
“I’m sorry for the interruption.” She stated as she glanced over her shoulder back to the man crying on the ground behind her. “If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s rude manners.” Maud blinked again, her expression stalwart even as the whimpering shell of a man behind her began to sob and cry. “Now, what were you saying?”
“Uhm…” The other ponies looked back and forth between one another. “Maybe we should jsut go back to town?”
“Great idea!” The mares said one after another, all except Dash who was staring down at Chris Redfield, Ex- Certified Badass Boulder Puncher Extraordinaire™ with her mouth agape.
“Are you serious? All of that and he just falls over from a single hit?” Rainbow blew her mane out of her eyes. “What a wussy!”
Twilight quickly yanked Rainbow back to the ground and made a ‘shh’ motion and pulled her along with them. Pinkie lingered for a moment, staring down into the crater with the whimpering man inside.
“Is...is he gonna be okay?” She was pulled back to join her friends, leaving Chris alone with his suffering.
Author's Note
I mean...what were you expecting?
