The part where you fall down and bleed to death
Hey, listen up, let me spill the 4-1-1 on the swibbity-swaggest pony to ever grace the land of Equestria. He's so cool, he makes Dr. Freeze look like a Dr. Breeze. He's super fly, but he don't vomit digestive enzymes on his food. He's so swank he's given everyone's mom a spank. So sit back and take off your smelly socks as I lay out some lines of words so dope, you'll want to snort them from a prostitute's ass crack.
This story begins with our main nigga pimpin' and shrimpin', makin' mad stacks of gp so big, niggas be tryin' ta sell him party hats and shit. His hair be black and purple 'cuz he don't give a fuck about the system. "Fuck da po-lice," he says when he's not busy kissing all the mares on the lips. Shit son, I bet he's kissed a thousand girls, nigga be all up on their lips like chap stick.
He got wings but no legs. Legs be child's play, nigga has wheels instead 'cuz he was birthed by Optimus Prime. He don't fight decepticons, though, but he will transform and roll up- a joint. Wingus was straight chillin', maxin' relaxin' all cool when some pony comes up. His name was Mic Nugget and he was white- white hot. He didn't even ask, and before anyone knew, he was layin' down a beet so fresh it coulda been mistaken for Bill Smith.
Shit, with beets that sick, Wingus couldn't hold back, and started spittin' rhymes like a king cobra... that spits rhymes.
"Piss ‘n titties, piss ‘n titties. Piss ‘n titties, piss ‘n titties. I love big titties, I love 'em to bits. I'm gonna urinate on all six of your tits. I got six mares, with six teets each. That’s thirty-six nipples that I covered in pee. I pee straight up, I pee straight down. I pee in a cup and I piss on the ground. Your nips are so red, they’re bloody and dry. I pee on them for you ‘cuz I’m such a swell guy. It’s all sticky and yellow, my urine’s so fresh. I put some on your chest and recycle the rest. People up in my face, askin' me to stop. I give them a spray and they call the cops. Police don’t know shit so I run away, safe to pee on your nipples another day."
Wingus is so cool, and he makes a lot of money. His rhymes are so sweet 'cuz he dips 'em in honey. Needless to say, plenty of mares had gathered round. Bitches know what they like and Wingus be what they do! Applejack done trot out from the crowd, ready for some lovin' from a true bucker. She may have been a filth pony, but Wingus be pullin' down his sunglasses like "daaaaaamn".
"Bitch, yo daddy must've been a frog, 'cuz those legs be kickin'!" It's true, bitch done got some finely-toned thighs and legs. Thankfully, no Euro trash exists in this world, or they'd probly try ta eat her frog-esque legs like they be real frog legs, na mean? Applejack strut her stuff, showin' that big ol' booty fulla pudding and goo.
Wingus may have wheel legs, but not a wheel dick, and as he saw dat bootylicious booty bouncin' to and fro like a jello tube man he could feel a few new chapters getting added to his 'captain's log', if you catch my driftwood. Applejack be illiterate but that don't matter for shit 'cuz then Twilight Sparkle be all up on his dick like it be a book. It's pretty long, so it'd take even her a while to finish.
Then there be the white bitch with a diamond tramp stamp. Bitch be grindin' on his dick in like a second and damn the ass be fat. But the bitches kept comin', doin' the shit they do, and any nigga's gotta set down some ground rules so they know he aint playin'. Bitches aint shit so he whipped out his cock and slapped the white hoe right in the face. It was over six-feet long, like a king cobra, and before the mares could blink it was spittin' piss from the tip, like a king cobra.
Bitches be gettin' a golden shower, and they like it too. He'll shower them with real gold later (because he cums gold 'cuz that's cool, dawg). Before he know it, Fluttershy be layin' on the ground lettin' her six pony nipples be coated in piss. She'd breast feed her animals later and not even wash 'em off 'cuz that's the kinda shit she be into, but it's cool 'cuz Wingus be into some kinky shit too.
Then he turned and sprayed Rainbow Dash in the rear with his meat-hose, coatin' it in yellow like the sunset on a early-morning sky. Shit, that be beautiful, son. The moment didn't last long, and before she could blink he be sprayin' her in the face. Started from the bottom now he's here. Then the bitch starts gulpin' down his piss like she so stupid she don't know that piss aint for drinkin'. Stupid bitch.
And Pinkie Pie be layin' on the ground, lickin' his 'swagbag' 'cuz it's sweet and sweaty. Bitch's such a slut she likes the taste. He pees on her too, and he pees on Octavia especially 'cuz she be the stupidest bitch of them all. The gray dirt pony be so stupid she wears a bow tie. Niggas don't be wearin' bow ties 'cuz those went out a style in like the 1600's and she sucks at the Cello 'cuz she don't got no fingers.
And they all got pregnant but Wingus didn't pay child support 'cuz child support be stupid as hell and the man can't do shit to him. The end.
And wam zam, that flyin' chariot landed right out front of Wingus' home like it don't know what 'private property' be. Wingus roll up, pulling his sunglasses down like, 'what?', and out from the chariot steps a big ol' white bitch. Bitch was big as a horse, but had a booty that could domesticate even the wildest negro.
"Shiiiiiit," Wingus says, checkin' that thing out like it was a book at the library 'cept Wingus don't have a library card and he can't read.
That big white bitch straight stepped up to him like she can just park here, but that booty so fine, yo. "I'm Princess Celestia," she says like bitch, who cares? Just turn around and let me give that thing a squeeze. "I want your help Wingus."
Wingus knew he was straight trippin' on the weed, but even he could see that this bitch be cray. "Only thing I'm gonna help you with is outa 'dem clothes, ya know?" he explained, making his intentions clear so this whitey know she can't take advantage of him.
"Oh Wingus, you're so romantic." Like, no duh bitch, he a fuckin' pimp, dawg. He gets more bitches than an animal shelter. "But I really need you to go to the Crystal Kingdom and kill King Sombra 2.0 for me."
Wingus wasn't 'bout to work for the man, and he wud normally be like "naw" but he was horny and that booty was like groceries. "Only if you suck my dick, bitch," he compromised.
So she came over, not even needing to pull down his pony pants because he be wearing them on his knees anyway. She sucked his dick fast, she sucked his dick quick. She sucked his dick like lickity split. It was over in a flash, his gonads went 'sploosh' as he soiled her mouth with his icky-sticky juice. In ten seconds flat, he'd busted a nut. She swallowed his payload, what a slut.
Wingus be panting like that was the best BJ he ever had and he was like "damn".
"Girl, where you learn to suck like that?"
White bitch just winked at him, "that's my little secret. But now you have to go kill Sombra 2.0 for me. That agreement was binding." Then she straight pulls out a legal contract with his forged signature on it, but she be the princess so no one gone question her, naw mean?
"Alright bitch, but you best suck my dick again when I get back 'cuz that shit was dope, yo," relented Wingus as he headed off to the train station. "Hope there's no damn whiteys up in the Crystal Kingdom or I'm gonna have to cap a bitch."
And thus began the adventure of Wingus, and likely the greatest adventure of our generation.
