Piss n' Titties

And wam zam, that flyin' chariot landed right out front of Wingus' home like it don't know what 'private property' be. Wingus roll up, pulling his sunglasses down like, 'what?', and out from the chariot steps a big ol' white bitch. Bitch was big as a horse, but had a booty that could domesticate even the wildest negro.

"Shiiiiiit," Wingus says, checkin' that thing out like it was a book at the library 'cept Wingus don't have a library card and he can't read.

That big white bitch straight stepped up to him like she can just park here, but that booty so fine, yo. "I'm Princess Celestia," she says like bitch, who cares? Just turn around and let me give that thing a squeeze. "I want your help Wingus."

Wingus knew he was straight trippin' on the weed, but even he could see that this bitch be cray. "Only thing I'm gonna help you with is outa 'dem clothes, ya know?" he explained, making his intentions clear so this whitey know she can't take advantage of him.

"Oh Wingus, you're so romantic." Like, no duh bitch, he a fuckin' pimp, dawg. He gets more bitches than an animal shelter. "But I really need you to go to the Crystal Kingdom and kill King Sombra 2.0 for me."

Wingus wasn't 'bout to work for the man, and he wud normally be like "naw" but he was horny and that booty was like groceries. "Only if you suck my dick, bitch," he compromised.

So she came over, not even needing to pull down his pony pants because he be wearing them on his knees anyway. She sucked his dick fast, she sucked his dick quick. She sucked his dick like lickity split. It was over in a flash, his gonads went 'sploosh' as he soiled her mouth with his icky-sticky juice. In ten seconds flat, he'd busted a nut. She swallowed his payload, what a slut.

Wingus be panting like that was the best BJ he ever had and he was like "damn".

"Girl, where you learn to suck like that?"

White bitch just winked at him, "that's my little secret. But now you have to go kill Sombra 2.0 for me. That agreement was binding." Then she straight pulls out a legal contract with his forged signature on it, but she be the princess so no one gone question her, naw mean?

"Alright bitch, but you best suck my dick again when I get back 'cuz that shit was dope, yo," relented Wingus as he headed off to the train station. "Hope there's no damn whiteys up in the Crystal Kingdom or I'm gonna have to cap a bitch."

And thus began the adventure of Wingus, and likely the greatest adventure of our generation.