Author's Note

This chapter, along with chapters 2 through 4 will be getting a rewrite. However, if anyone wants to see the original chapter they will be posted as a link to a Google Doc in this author's note at a future date. When? I don't know, but just keep what I've told you in mind before liking or disliking.

Chapter One: Black and Red

_____“Remind me why we need to be in the middle of the Everfree Forest again?” Pinkie Pie asked as she bounced happily.

“That is a good question my dear Pinkie Pie.” Discord replied. The forest was the same old forest. Aside from the few splotches of happy meadows due to the actions of those... things. They even somehow changed all the maps to show where those spots were, too. Even though Discord and Pinkie Pie both seemed to be immune they had felt... strange, like they weren’t really themselves. “The Mary Sues will take longer to get to us in here when I perform the ritual. I don’t know if they’ve already figured out what we’re planning or not but we still have to try and the Everfree Forest will offer us the most secrecy.”

“So why don’t you just teleport us where you want us then?”

“Because that would alert them if I did that. If they don’t know we’re out here yet they certainly would as soon as I used my magic.” Indeed, that was why Discord had taken to walking and kept his actions to a minimum after the Mary Sue’s started... well multiplying would probably be the best word. He had no idea where they kept coming from, they just seemed to pop out of nowhere. “But,” Discord said with a talon raised as he continued walking. “It works both ways, they can’t get too close to me without me knowing they’re there.”

“Well isn’t that good to know.” Pinkie said as she stopped bouncing. “How much farther do we need to go?”

“We’re probably in the most perfect spot that we’re going to get.” Discord said as they stopped at a clearing. This place was peaceful (well, as peaceful as you could get in the Everfree) and the MS’s hadn’t touched it at all. It was natural. There were no flowers, no wildlife, no sounds at all. A perfect place to be ambushed however but it was private and still difficult to get there in the first place. “Keep an eye out for me would you? I’ll need to concentrate for this.”

“Okie dokie loki!” Pinkie said as she gave a quick salute and bounded off for a tree and disappeared behind it.... Only to appear on the other edge of the clearing as her head popped out behind another tree to look for unwanted visitors. Discord was completely undisturbed by Pinkie’s antics, being used to doing far worse things himself. It was just unusual that she was able to do such things without using magic.

Discord readied his talons as he began tearing a hole through the fabric of dimensions. It was such a long time since he had done this to this particular dimension.... Soon enough there was a portal, wide enough for a creature like Discord to casually stroll through and still have some head space left. Not that he couldn’t modify his body to be bigger than it already was, but that was beside the point.

Pinkie had her attention diverted to the portal because it was- “Ooooh shiny!” Yeah, exactly. However, it was only a few seconds after that something came through that portal. It was a human male, though Pinkie didn’t know what it was. To her, it was just some kind of really funny-looking hairless ape. The human stopped as soon as he saw Discord and Pinkie and cringed.

“Listen, I don’t know who you two are, exactly, and it’s fairly obvious you must be the one who summoned me but.... Listen, this is way above my paygrade.” The man was starting to pant. “I can sense them... there’s so many. Listen, I’m going to go back and come back with someone who can actually make a difference here but for now,” he said as he pulled out a crystal, “stay here.” With that said he tossed the crystal into the air and it glowed brightly as it covered the entire clearing in a field of protective power. “That,” he said, pointing at it, “is a stealth crystal. As long as you don’t touch it no one, not even the Mary Sues can find you in here, magically or otherwise. To an outside observer there’s nothing here. You can’t see or hear anything on the outside, you could fight a war and no one would notice. Well, as long as something doesn’t step inside, that is, can’t stop that. So be aware of that and sit tight and I’ll be back soon.” And with that, he was gone almost as soon as he had appeared.

It was fairly obvious he had been in a hurry. By the time he had stopped talking he was practically hyperventilating. Pinkie Pie sat on her haunches as the look of confusion hadn’t quite left her face yet. “So um... Discord... what just-” Pinkie started to say until she was interrupted by another hairless ape walking through the portal followed by the same one from before.

The newcomer stopped and blinked as if it had just walked straight into a glass door. When it spoke it... sounded feminine to Pinkie Pie so she guessed that it must be a girl. “I can see what you meant by the population here. Okay, you did good by bringing me here. I’m casting a time dilation spell so we have proper time to prepare.” She turned to Pinkie and Discord. “Sorry for leaving you two here without answering any questions. Just wait a little longer please.” She turned back and stumbled a little before disappearing along with her friend.

Pinkie was afraid to talk just in case something else happened. But just because you’re afraid to do something, doesn’t mean you won’t do it. “So Discord, I have two questions for ya. What just happened and why do you keep calling the Mary Sues... Mary Sues?”

Discord sighed. “I call them Mary Sues because that’s what they’re called. As for what happened, you just helped me rip through dimensions as I summoned two Mary Sue hunters. I thought... no, I was hoping we would only need one. But if the situation is bad enough that the first one that comes through is scared of how many Mary Sue’s there are? Well, that just spells trouble. And not the harmless, fun, chaotic trouble either, oh no.” Discord got a sour look on his face as he crossed his arms. “Trying to move in, do such nonsensical things. I know I’ve said ‘where’s the fun in making sense,’ but the things they do... it’s annoying fueled by pure stupidity. Never thought I’d have to deal with them again, not after so soon after last time. But then again, last time would seem like such a long time ago to you ponies.”

“Well, do you think that those hunters can help us?”

“Maybe not those two in particular but I’m sure they’re coming back with someone who can help.” Just as Discord finished his sentence the portal flared as another man passed through.... Though it was probably more accurate to say that he shot through it and landed on his face.

He was wearing armor that looked heavy to the untrained eye. But Discord was able to immediately see that it was enchanted to be lightweight and still extremely durable. He also had a helmet on so it was difficult to tell who he was, or if he was even a male in the first place. However, it was the voice, the first words out of the man’s mouth that Discord knew who it was. “Oh, you cheating bitch!”

“...Noel?”

*One day previously*

The harried scout that returned after investigating the summons had come back with rather disturbing news. He reported that the Mary Sue population was staggering. Noel, completely armored up, was leaning against the doors that lead to the council room, deep in thought. Indeed, Noel himself had only just heard about the news a few minutes ago so he had rushed to the council chambers, hoping to influence their decision. They had refused to let him in for reasons other than the fact that he was not part of the council.

So what if he had crashed a gunship a few days ago? So what if he didn’t know how to pilot one? So what if the guy who had refused to teach him said that he was better suited to using magic? It was fun to fly that thing... for about ten seconds but still.

He was still thinking about how he was even able to get the damned thing off the ground anyways when a fellow hunter came up to him. It was a woman by the name of Carlotta. He was on friendly terms with her, had been ever since she first arrived one hundred twenty three years ago.... Noel just realized how weird it probably was that he kept track of that.

Not that he ever gave a damn but still.

“’Ey, Noel. Whatcha doin’ out ‘ere?” Carlotta asked. She would occasionally try to speak in broken English, or something. Noel used to have a theory that it was some kind of habit or that she liked doing it to annoy him. He’d always leaned towards the latter very strongly up until the point that he was proven right. Thankfully she rarely did it anymore.

“Shut the fuck up, Carlotta. You know I hate it when you speak like that.”

“But that one guy spoke in broken English on that one mission and you didn’t have any problems with it!” Carlotta retorted.

“Yeah, that’s because he couldn’t speak in any other way. You can speak normally without annoying me so do so.”

She giggled. “Fine, fine. But seriously, what are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be in the council room?”

“They won’t let me in.”

“But you’re on the council aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Oh, did you get kicked off because of the gunship thing?”

“No. I was never on the council to begin with.”

Carlotta blinked. “Wait what?”

“Yeah. How did you not know this?”

“But... you... you’re always in there, influencing the council at times. Why? How?”

“Nah they just tolerated my presence there anyway. I just pushed my luck way too far with the gunship thing... among possibly other things.”

Carlotta sat down on a chair that she teleported in. How did I not know this? She thought as she asked her next question. “So what do you think they’re talking about in there?”

“My idea is that they’re deciding on who to send. But they won’t let me in so I don’t know. It seriously shouldn’t be taking this long.”

“Yeah, I’m going to go train with the squad, you want to come with just in case they do take too long or something?”

“No! Since they won’t let me in I’ve decided that I will stand out here until they come to a decision!” Noel said with a finger raised to the sky in defiance.

Carlotta laughed. When she finally stopped she wiped a nonexistent tear from her eye. “Yeah, yeah, good luck with that. I’ll see you around.” She got up and walked away, a grin on her face as she shook her head.

Noel would come to regret his decision.

In the twenty two hours that passed, Noel became very acquainted with his hallway that lead to the council room. Yes, it was his hallway now. In order to pass one must pay a toll! That’s a new rule as of ten seconds ago! Maybe I should’ve instated that as soon as I realized I was waiting here for over an hour. Indeed, some people had come through, looked at the closed council doors, and walked away. Noel realized just how brightly colored the doors were in contrast to the dull, grey, stone hallway. About halfway through the hours he had waited a council member had come out of the doors for whatever reason. Noel had taken that opportunity to do what anyone should have done in that situation. He made a mad dash for the door.

And got about five feet into the room until a collective blast of energy tossed him back outside and set up a forcefield. He had glowered angrily at the door and at the man who went back into the room. Not that anyone could see his face through the helmet anyway.

And so it was that he waited once more. And it wasn’t until just now that he realized something. Why not teleport in? Noel first decided to summon an apple and teleported that inside the room first, couldn’t hurt to be too careful just in case they were blocking attempts to teleport in. Or, at least, he tried. There was a flash and in his hand the apple was just a bunch of... well goo was probably the closest word. Those fuckers could’ve killed me!

Before Noel could decide on what to do next the doors swung open and a woman stood before him. Noel knew it was Claudia as soon as he saw her. She wasn’t wearing her armor, just her business robes. Claudia had brown eyes with hair to match and her skin was only slightly tan. She looked at the mess that Noel was holding before he teleported it away.

“I told them you wouldn’t be so careless as to just attempt to teleport in without testing to see if we had barriers up.”

“You assholes could’ve killed me.”

“No, it would’ve delivered a nasty shock to you. An inanimate object... well you saw how that would turn out.” She wrapped her arm around his shoulders as she walked him down the hallway. “That’s not important, though. But before we do get to the good stuff, how long were you waiting? I didn’t think you would wait for more than thirty minutes.”

“A combination of stubborn pride and determination won out against my better judgement. I was waiting outside for twenty two hours.”

Claudia’s mouth hung open slightly and her eyes narrowed as she looked at Noel as she tried to wrap her head around why he would do such a thing. She gave up after realizing that was probably hazardous to her mental health. “Anyways...” she started to say as she teleported them both to where they were heading, deciding that was probably just easier. “We did come to a decision about who to send. Remember that man who walked out of the council room and you tried to dash in? Yeah, he went to go prepare your squad and-”

“How long did you assholes know I out there then?” Noel interrupted. If his helmet was off, one could tell that he was indeed angry, but the tone of his voice did not reflect that.

“I thought you left after a while so I had NO idea you were out there.” Claudia said, her hands raised in a placating gesture. She had known Noel long enough to tell when he was really angry.

“Fine.” That was when Noel took the time to finally take in the scenery of where he was. They were currently in the portal room, the gates all deactivated save for one. His squad also happened to be there. Noel’s squad rarely actually worked with Noel, despite him being the leader. He saw Carlotta, she was just putting her armor on. It was plain and very practically made, especially protective and comfortable in her chest area. There had been an incident a long time ago and Carlotta had learned two very valuable lessons from it. One was to upgrade her armor, the other was to not antagonize Noel to extreme lengths in training sessions unless you want him to fight dirty. Carlotta was five feet and eight inches tall, had brown eyes with short black hair which was soon covered by her helmet. Her buckler and sword hung at her hips.

Next up was Simon. Now, Noel was no slouch, he fairly large and muscular himself, but in comparison to Simon he was just the average Joe. Simon was an absolute bear of a man, weighing at least two hundred pounds of pure hulking muscle. For the most part, he had to be and Noel and his squadmates were thankful for it since Simon always carried a lot of supplies along with that heavy armor and his massive ax. Simon was six feet and six inches tall, bald, with blue eyes.

The next one on the squad was Chloe, their resident demon. A succubus, to be exact. She was using her human form, having been forbidden from using her shapeshifting except to be in her true form or unless during training or on a mission. While the rest of the hunters could potentially change their forms, that required magic that would change their bodies into something else permanently until they used the spell again, not to mention being in an entirely different body took some getting used to. Chloe, however, could do it at will and it came naturally to her. Chloe was always allowed to hide her eyes, horns, and her tail, but she rarely chose to hide her horns, choosing to hide her tail instead, saying that it was uncomfortable to have it around at times. She would occasionally change the appearance of her eyes, from reptilian to normal human-like eyes, though she would never change the color, which was red. She liked that it set her apart from other hunters. Chloe’s eyes could sometimes glow but she was able to control it. However, they always glowed for at least two minutes after she... fed. Chloe was five feet and six inches tall, blonde hair, her red eyes were reptilian at the moment. Her shield and sword, leftovers from her past, were not standard issue. Intricately made, the runes were almost constantly glowing and reacting to her power. The same went for her expensively made custom armor to support her very... well-endowed body. Which... was to be expected considering that she was succubus.

The third and last female of the group was named Kayla. She was the youngest out of all of them and still a fairly new hunter. However, she had moved up the ranks quickly because of her determination and zeal. When she was assigned to Noel’s squad to replace one of their fallen members they had treated her with a little disdain, but mostly skepticism. It was due to her eagerness to please and refusal to give up that she proved that she was more than capable of pulling her weight, making her a well-rounded and valued member of the team. She was five feet and ten inches tall, a redhead with brown eyes, she was not as gifted in the breast department as the other two women but she didn’t seem to mind. Noel teased her about it to see if he could ever get a reaction out of her. He never could. A single sword hung at her hips.

Last but not least was Todd. Or maybe he really was the least, he was actually pretty unassuming. Two short swords were hidden in the slots in his armor. Todd was the fastest on the team, and probably the most versatile when it came to weapons and magic. A rifle called an adapter was slung across his back, the power pack was not inserted into the gun. There was probably a reason for that but I’m not going to go into that right now. Why? Because I’m just the narrator and I’m not qualified to release that information because I don’t possess it. Besides, I’m just rambling and it’s not like we can’t just edit this out. *Sounds in the background* What? What do you mean this is live...? Well why the hell not...? Oh, budget issues my ass, that is just the lamest excuse I have ever... what? The mic is still on? Why isn’t it off? Oh shit, uh okay, so the description of Todd is pretty much ruined so uh I’ll just have to go along with it.

Uh, in short order, or something like that, Todd is fast, stealthy, kills from a distance with modern and advanced human technology, uses magic, and gathers intelligence on the enemy. He’s short, like, five six and black hair. You know what? I’m switching out, I’m kind of uh, embarrassed right now. I wasn’t being professional and I apologize, I’m sorry Todd.

The entire squad turned their attention to Noel and saluted as he approached them. “Alright boys and girls,” Noel said with his hands on his hips, “before we head out I want to know everyone’s loadouts.” Loadouts were special abilities that a hunter would pick out before they headed out on a mission. They were extremely fun to use and see how the skills would work out in combination with other loadouts. Each hunter was limited to two loadouts. Noel pointed at Chloe. “You first.”

Chloe stood at attention. “Death field and fragment, sir.”

“Devastation and inspire.” Carlotta said.

“Enhance and indomitable.” Kayla said.

“Stun and lacerate.” Todd said.

“Rules of nature and mass heal.” Simon said. Noel did a double take on that one.

“Huh, mass heal? Didn’t think you’d be taking that one.” Noel said absentmindedly. Simon merely shrugged in response. “Anyway, I’m taking deadly strike and ravage.”

“Noel, before you leave there are some things you should know about first.” Claudia said. “As soon as you’re on the other side an entire platoon is going to be sent right behind you. They’ll be under your command for the duration of the mission, however long that is.”

Noel lifted an eyebrow. “An ENTIRE platoon? How long were the scouts on this world to gather that much intel?”

“They were there for hardly a minute, each.”

“Okay, that hardly justifies sending an entire platoon of hunters to take care of the situation.”

Claudia shrugged. “Sorry it’s out of my hands, I was of the same mind as you when it was brought to my attention. We were arguing about what to do until the eleven hour mark when the orders came from the boss himself once he found out.”

Noel froze up, his eyes widening slightly. “What does my master have to do with this?”

“You’d have to ask him yourself. He popped up in the council, gave us instructions and went... to go do whatever it is he actually does. Now, this isn’t word-for-word but what he basically said was that you are getting a lot of authority for this mission. You’re getting a platoon to start off, if you need reinforcements, you’re going to get them, and if we can’t spare more hunters then he’ll send something else. You need equipment and supplies in general, you get them. You’ll be sending any and all reports and requests to him directly, instead of the council like you usually do.... Which... is actually a stupid idea now that I think about it. How would we know that the messages haven’t been corrupted, compromised, or misconstrued in some way? And it keeps us out of the loop.”

“I can take that up with him next time I’m in contact with him, if you’d like.”

“Please do. He still scares me sometimes. He’s just so angry all the time.”

Noel shook his head. “Nah, that’s just how he normally looks. Trust me when I say that, as his apprentice — on second thought, anyone with common sense — would be able to tell when he’s genuinely angry. I remember the last time something managed to piss him off.” As if to empathize this, Noel looked off in the distance dramatically, as if remembering something tragic from his past. “That poor ghost never stood a fucking chance.”

“He banished a ghost? That’s not so-”

“He killed it.”

“Remind me to make sure I have nothing preventing me from passing on to the afterlife when I die.”

“No problem.” Noel said as he walked up to the open portal, stroking his chin in thought. “So... what do you think we’ll find on the other side?”

“Probably enough Mary Sues to cause a headache.” Carlotta answered. “Bet you the first one who goes through there is going to get the full brunt of it.” Carlotta thought for a moment. “Oh! First one through has to set up camp!”

“Well it’s definitely not going to be me.” Noel said. Unfortunately, the fact that Noel was standing between Carlotta and the portal only really hit him when Carlotta kicked him and he went flying through the portal.

*Present time*

“...Noel?”

It was a voice he hadn’t heard in a long time and he almost didn’t believe it until he looked up. When Noel saw the features of the one speaking he knew it was the Lord of Chaos himself, Discord. Noel stood up, dusted himself off and took off his helmet, revealing his features. Noel had short brown hair and green eyes. He was five feet and ten inches tall.

“Discord?” Was Noel’s slow reply.

Discord hovered over the ground and laughed. “Ah ha! Noel it really is you, old friend.” He was suddenly sporting an old cane that looked ready to break if it had to sustain an ounce more of force. “Then again, you haven’t aged a bit since I last saw you.”

“Neither have you,” Noel replied, “but you’ve probably aged like fine wine with all that chaos magic in you.”

“Oh you flatter me.” Discord gasped a little. “Oh, but where are my manners?” Suddenly, Noel was sitting in a chair with a teacup in his hands. As he looked at the teacup, he noticed a pair of eyes looking back at him, complete with a fully animated mouth engraved into the side as it talked. “How’s life as a hunter been treating you these days?” It asked.

“Not too badly, actually.” Noel responded, undisturbed by Discord’s antics. Life as a hunter had exposed him to many a strange thing in his lifetime. The portal was still open and the other hunters in Noel’s squad soon stepped through. Discord glanced at the newcomers in his teacup form and he immediately, and quite literally, rolled out the red carpet to greet them.

“Welcome, welcome! Friends of Noel’s are friends of mine!” He said, wearing the entire getup of a butler complete with his own little mocking bow. Or perhaps it was genuine, who could tell with Discord? While the other hunters started shaking hands with the draconequus Noel noticed that the time dilation field was still in effect so he deactivated it quickly. As soon as he did that he noticed the pink pony that was also within the field that the stealth crystal was producing.

“Discord, who is that?” Noel asked, pointing at the pony.

In response the pink one was immediately all up in his face with the biggest smile he had ever seen. “Hi! What’s your name?” She said with such happy enthusiasm Noel’s mind didn’t even register the question for a second nor did it kick in the years of training to make him wary, his fight-or-flight response just completely shut down as well.

“Uh... it’s Noel.” He responded after a second.

“Nice to meet you! My name’s Pinkie Pie and I want to be your friend!” Pinkie said, somehow shaking his hand with a hoof. She was absolutely adorable and Noel made sure to keep the smile that threatened to adorn his face in check.

Noel put his helmet back on, hiding his features once more. “Well, maybe-” Was all he had time to say before she gasped and zoomed straight past him to talk to his fellow squad members.

“Hi there, my name’s Pinkie Pie and I want to be your friend!” The words faded away as she went on and met them one by one while Discord floated over to Noel.

“I didn’t expect to see you here again, Noel.”

“Neither did I, nor did I expect you to be free right now. Last I heard you were stuck as a stone statue.”

“Well, a lot happened since you were last here and I’m more than happy to tell you about it.”

“We’ll have time to catch up later.” Possibly, I doubt it. “But right now I need you be serious and tell me what’s been going on.”

Discord dropped all funny business being... well, Discord, and he immediately became somber. “It all started a few weeks ago. They came in small numbers at first and I took care of it.”

Noel raised a hand to stop him. “Now, when you say you took care of it....”

“I did send them to other dimensions at first.”

Noel let out a groan of frustration. “That’s exactly the kind of thing that landed this world in trouble the first time. You don’t reason or redirect Mary Sue’s, Discord, you kill them.”

“Yes, yes, I learned and remembered my lesson after the first two.” Discord rolled his eyes, each one in separate directions before they stopped and settled on Noel once more. “I started getting rid of them permanently but then they just kept coming and coming. I thought I had it under control but after a few of them attacked me I knew I couldn’t hold them off forever. I barely managed to get away and they’ve been hunting Pinkie and I down ever since, since we seem to be immune to their... powers.”

Noel took a quick glance at Pinkie and leaned in to inspect Discord. He returned to his original posture after he was satisfied. “No, you’re both mostly immune but with so many Mary Sue’s around you’ve both been affected on a subconscious level. I can understand you resisting them but not Pinkie Pie.” Noel shrugged. “Eh, I guess she’s just one of those rare kind of beings that pop up every now and then. But listen Discord, this isn’t all the hunters I’m bringing in. Last time it was just me but now I’m bringing in my squad and I’ll have an entire platoon at my command for the duration of this mission, however long it takes. Overkill if you ask me but my master gave the order. As soon as-”

“She’s so adorable Noel!” Came the voice of Chloe as she held Pinkie Pie in her arms, who was giggling all the while.

Noel let a small grin adorn his face, glad that his helmet hid his features, before wiping it away. “Chloe put the pony down.” There was an audible ‘aw’ from the both of them. Noel turned back to face Discord. “Anyways, as soon as we get the area secured which is something the rest of you should be doing right now!” The other browbeaten hunters hurried to comply with his orders. “We’ll bring in the entire platoon. Once we do, you’ll help us out by teleporting us to the location with the highest concentration Mary Sues that you know of and then you’ll help with disposing them.”

“Area is secure, Noel.” Todd called out. “No MS’s in range either.”

“Good, send the go-ahead to the others on the other side.”

Todd nodded and tossed something through the still-open portal and put a hand to his head. “None of them on my scanner but holy shit there’s so many of them on this world I’ve got a headache. Anyone else got one right now?”

Now that Todd mentioned it, Noel did feel a little... on edge perhaps? Definitely a bit short-tempered. “As soon as more hunters come through it’ll get less bothersome. Hey Simon get over here.” The hulking man in question did as he was ordered while Discord went to do his own thing. “What kind of weapons do you have for us?”

The large bag and the crate he was carrying was set down on the ground. He popped the lid off the crate and took the tarp out and started laying out weapons of all sorts. He sat on his haunches and when he spoke his voice was deep and gruff, as befitting a man his size. “We’ve actually got some new things. This,” he said pointing to a rifle, “is called a flayer, an automatic energy assault rifle, we have ten of those by the way. Complete with a specialized scope, detects heat signatures and magic and what have you. It uses a rechargeable battery for the scope and an energy pack for the ammo. If the energy pack starts to run low, just switch it out for another one and let it cool down, then it’ll be ready for action again after about thirty seconds.”

“Wait, how the hell does that work? Where’s the energy pack getting the power to recharge itself?”

Simon shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m not an expert on the know-how. I just know the basics. My guess is that some hunters are able to use magic to charge it or something. Oh, that reminds me, don’t use up all the juice in a pack or you’ll have to charge it back up manually, via magic or electricity... or something.”

“Whatever. What else we got?”

“Five plasma pistols, those are always useful and-” He stopped suddenly when he looked up.

“What?” Noel asked flatly.

“Do you mind?”

“Nope!” Came the reply from Pinkie Pie. She was sitting on Noel’s shoulder, watching intently with the wide-eyed fascination of a small child. Holy shit how’d I not notice her on my shoulder? Noel thought.

Simon merely grunted and smiled. “Eh, well you’re not hurting anything anyway. Anyways, continuing on.” He picked up some small crystalline spheres. “Magic grenades. Not exactly fresh from the lab or an entirely new concept but it is a recent addition to the armory and an invention by your master. I really like these things because it won’t activate until you will it to so no worries about handling it roughly and they pack one hell of a punch while also being harmless to friendlies... somehow... not that I’m complaining. We’ve got some mines, perfect for traps, obviously. Five adapter rifles, standard models. Six if you count Todd’s modified one.”

“No one touches my Vera!” Todd shouted.

Simon continued unperturbed. “Long range, high-powered energy sniper rifle. Unlike the flayer it can also use different types of ammo, from ‘regular’ high caliber bullets to... exploding... high caliber bullets, if you feel like making a mess that is.”

“Question.” A certain draconequus asked.

The two hunters and Pinkie Pie looked up to see Discord hovering above them. Behind Simon the hunter platoon started coming through the portal. Noel and Simon shared a look before Simon hesitantly said. “Uh, shoot?”

“These little magic grenades. They won’t hurt friends, which is good, but what if a friend is standing in front of someone you’re trying to get rid of or the area is unstable, like a cave?”

Simon scratched the back of his head before answering. “Oh, yes. Yeah, those are indeed the downsides. I’m just glad Noel’s master was the one developing and testing the things out and we didn’t have to find out the hard way. But, I’m sure someone could get creative with them.” Simon breathed out a sigh. “We also have some enchanted weapons, swords, axes, daggers, a few bows and a crossbow. And that’s everything I brought. If we need more stuff we can always requisition more anyway.” Simon started to get up but hurriedly sat back in his original position. “Oh! Wait! Never mind I forgot something.” He said with enthusiasm as he rummaged through the sack and crate once more before pulling out a long rod... thing. “This is a new model of the metal claw thingy.”

“Ugh, I still can’t believe that’s what they named those fucking things.” Noel said disdainfully.

“Still useful though, check it out. There’s two triggers, blue is for extension and red is for clamping down. Come on, try it out! On a tree, preferably.” He said as he held it out.

Noel took it, got up and took aim at a thin tree branch. He’d used one of the older models before and this one was definitely new. It crackled with energy on the end. The metal claw thingy had a misleading name as the actual end of the weapon was less of a claw and more like someone had decided to take the cutting bits of pruning shears and stuck them on there. Noel noted that the weapon was surprisingly light, it couldn’t have weighed more than a few pounds. Noel pulled the blue trigger and the claw extended and hit the tree branch and severed it as he pulled the red trigger. Noel inspected the metal claw thingy. He estimated that the total reach of the thing was about six feet. That was when he also noticed the third button. “Uh, Simon, what’s this third button supposed to do?”

“Third button?... Huh. I did not notice that. Test it out.”

Noel pointed it well away from everyone else and pushed the button. However, instead of doing something deadly, like exploding, shooting a laser, recoil and fly and whack someone in the face, it retracted. Noel was left holding something that just looked like the sawed-off handle of a shovel, except that it looked fancy. “Huh... not gonna question how that works. I’ll take it.”

“Cool.... That was the only one I had though.”

“Why?”

“For the same reason I only packed one crossbow. I ran out of room for useful shit and I packed that because it looked like it might be useful in the long run, or something.”

“Okay, but you could’ve just packed a bunch of metal claw thingies instead of just one crossbow and the bolts. You eventually run out of ammo, you can miss, and the bolts can break.”

“We can always get more.”

Noel ignored him. “With this thing you can miss as many times as you want and it’s durable.”

“We can always get more!”

“Whatever, looks like everyone is here anyway.” Noel turned to address Discord, who was still paying rapt attention for some reason. “Okay, what’s the place that’s the most infested that you can think of?”

“Ponyville.”

“I have no idea where or what the fuck that is but you’re going to teleport us to the outskirts of wherever that is. You’ll make sure to throw up a few barriers to prevent escape. Don’t teleport Todd with us, he’ll use a beacon to locate us and teleport away from us so he has a good vantage point to take out Mary Sues at long range. After you get us there we’ll rush in and start doing our jobs.” Noel turned and addressed his hunters. “Alright everybody our first stop is... uh....” He glanced at Discord.

“Ponyville.”

“Ponyville! Once we’re there we start killing okay? My squad already knows its coordinated tactics and shit the rest of you will just do what you’re trained to do. Alright, got it?”

“Yes sir!” The unified answer came.

“Excellent!” He turned once more to Discord. “Discord,” Noel said, a mischievous glint in his eye, “go nuts.”

Discord grinned and then started laughing as Noel felt the unmistakable pull of magic transport him somewhere else.

It was needless the say the town was infested with them. Nay, not infested... filled to the brim. Noel would like to say that it was some epic battle, that the Mary Sues put up a decent fight, or at least tried to. This was not the case.

It felt more like a cleansing. Yes, it was a job. Yes they were pests that, if left unchecked, would plunge this world into total chaos until it became unrecognizable by its original inhabitants. The hunters had let that happen once in the past.... It was not something they would like to repeat. Noel, however, was a man who had been doing this for hundreds of years, and it didn’t faze him when he noticed a Mary Sues head explode in a shower of gore, quite hilariously he might add, from a well-placed shot from Todd far off somewhere in the distance. It didn’t bother him as he idly slashed away at Mary Sues, some actually tried to fight back but their powers were fairly useless against hunters for a good reason. It didn’t bother him one bit when he noticed a fellow hunter go down from a magic blast hitting him in the back.

...

Wait, what the fuck? Of course that did!

Noel rushed towards the fellow hunter and saw the attacker standing alone in the street. It was a black and red alicorn, her wings were outspread in a threatening posture and her horn was glowing bright crimson. Her mane and tail were black while the rest of her was red. Noel put himself between the MS and the hunter, throwing up a protective shield while he was at it as well.

“Hunters,” she said, her voice impossibly angelic and beautiful, “I should have known your hateful ways would bring you here.” Noel realized that her magical shields were weaker from the back. Noel cast an illusion spell, letting himself peel away while a perfect image of him stayed behind, but the words from his mouth would perfectly mimic the real Noel’s.

“Eh, this is just a job. We wouldn’t even have to fight if you Mary Sues would just stay in your own world.”

“We have names you know, I would appreciate it if you used them.”

“Oh, okay. Forgive me if I’m too busy massacring you all to stop and ask you your name. And when I do your kind is normally too busy screaming in pain to give me a coherent answer.”

“My name is Maria-”

“Bitch, that does not mean I asked for yours.”

“Fine, be rude. You won’t be alive much longer.”

“Is that so?” Came Noel’s voice right behind her, his metal claw thingy at the ready and in action.

To Maria’s credit she reacted fast and managed to almost jump out of the way of Noel’s attack... almost. Instead of hitting his original target, Noel’s metal claw thingy (M.C.T. for short, hey you know what I feel like I should narrate that whenever I feel like it, sometimes it’s a mouthful. Oh wait right the story!) clamped down on her right wing and severed it clean off.

There was a howl of pain as Maria inspected her missing wing for a half second before responding. “My wing! You fuck!”

“Sorry! Sorry! I was aiming for your spinal cord!” It was the truth too.... In case any of you were wondering that is. Noel made another move to use his M.C.T. but Maria teleported away onto a rooftop. “Hey! This is just going to hurt a lot more if you keep resisting!”

“No! I’m not stupid! You haven’t seen the last of me!” And with that she disappeared.

Coward. Was all Noel had to think about her when he got a call on his communication crystal set in his right gauntlet from Todd. “Sir, I’ve lost all but one Mary Sue signatures on my scanner, did something happen?”

“No shit something happened, I think Maria just teleported out all her Mary Sue’s in Ponyville.” Cowardly but one of those smart Mary Sue’s. Not a good sign.

“Who?”

“Some black and red alicorn. I’m thinking the self-appointed leader of the batch of MS’s on this world. Head on into town and take up overwatch on the highest building you can find. I don’t want any of them trying to spy in on us or something.”

“Roger that.”

“Noel,” came Chloe’s voice, “I actually have that rogue MS with me right now. Want me to bring him to you?”

“Sure, get to my location as quick as you can.”

“Okay, now what?” Chloe’s voice sounded off from behind Noel. He turned around to see her dragging a human Mary Sue by the collar with one hand, the other being used to wave at Noel with a big smile on her face.

“Uh...” Noel said before shaking his head. “Uh, now I interrogate him, I guess.”

“Aw... I was hoping I could get any information out of him... my way.”

Noel lifted an eyebrow, in fact, he took off his helmet just to add emphasis to this, attaching it to a hook on his belt. “Chloe...” Noel said slowly.

“Pleeeeeease? I haven’t eaten in weeks.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“YES!” Chloe said, complete with fist pump. And she revealed her true demonic form. Her wings sprouted from her back but they weren’t physically attached to her body and she grew a tail which was the same way. They seemed to... float, for lack of a better word. In fact, all of Chloe’s demonic features were now visible.

“But for fuck’s sake don’t do it out here in the open, find a house or something.” Noel said as he leaned against a building with his arms crossed.

“Okay.” Chloe said, dragging the poor son of a bitch to his imminent demise.

“And make sure it’s empty.”

“Fine.”

“And clean up after yourself.”

“I get it!”

Noel chuckled as she slammed the door. He noticed the original denizens of Ponyville were starting to stir, the vast majority seemed to be unconscious. He noticed a unicorn mare with a light blue coat stumbling towards him. He was sure that there was some fancy name for the actual color but Noel really didn’t care. What he did care about was that she was up and about. Most denizens on a world would immediately collapse from the shock delivered to their system when a Mary Sue is killed in their vicinity for the first time. Handy for the hunters to go unnoticed, not so much when a large operation was in place. Those who remained conscious were repeatedly described as being very out of it. There only rare individuals who possessed the ability to stay lucid through the initial process. He noticed the mare had an hourglass for a... cutie mark if he was remembering right? Yes, it was indeed a cutie mark. Her hair color was dark blue on one half while the other was light blue, or was it white? Whatever, it was almost exactly evenly split in color. No, Noel would not question things, he had done that once in Equestria and likely never would again. It had turned out to be very hazardous to his mental health.

“Excuse me? Sir?” Noel was snapped back to reality after having observed the mare for longer than he had intended. Whoever the unicorn was, she was wearing a nervous grin.

“Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t disturbing you or anything was I?” Though I suppose it’s a good thing that you’re not running or something like that. Last time I was here in Equestria I would not stop getting the weirdest looks. At least until I turned myself into a pony. And then until I started using human mannerisms.

“No. It’s just.... Well, first off, my name is Minuette. I think.” She’s pretty out of it. I’m probably going to have to remind her of where she even is.

Noel leaned down to eye level with the unicorn mare. He noticed that her eyes were also blue. Aside from her cutie mark her entire theme seemed to be blue. “Well hello, Minuette. My name is Noel.” He said, extending a hand to shake her hoof. After a moment’s hesitation, and a lingering hoof, she finally shook hands with him. Noel could still tell that she had that nervous smile on her face, so he decided to make her more comfortable. In Noel’s mind, this did not necessarily mean comforting words. “Here, let me get into a form you’re more comfortable with.” There was a glowing and Noel was transformed into a green unicorn, his flank was bare, if any of you were wondering. No, don’t ask where the armor and everything else went, I sure as hell won’t.

To Minuette, this had the opposite effect he was intending. She grimaced, not slightly, but rather in the most painfully obvious way possible. “I... can tell this doesn’t exactly make you feel more at ease, does it?”

Minuette’s expression did little to change. “No... those things would do it all the time. It was rather unnerving and I’ve had some bad experiences with shapeshifters in the past before. Plus, when you live in Ponyville you see all kinds of crazy things. Everypony here has seen Discord so trust me, you wouldn’t bother me in the least.”

Noel shifted back to his human form. And yes, his armor was back on. “That makes sense, actually. Sorry about that then.... I should’ve guessed Mary Sues would probably be doing that.”

“Who or what are Mary Sues?” Minuette tilted her head in askance. At least her grimace was gone.

“Those things that invaded your world, the shapeshifters.”

“Oh, yes. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, hopefully. So they’re called Mary Sue’s, right?” Noel nodded. “Well, you look just like them.... So what’s the difference then? Why should I even begin to trust you? There are just so many things I don’t know... I just don’t know what’s going on.” She sighed and sat on her haunches. Just as she did so there was a loud crash and a scream of pain from inside the building that Noel was guarding. Minuette shot to her... feet? Whatever, she was standing up as soon as she heard it. “What was that?!” Reaching for the door.

Noel was blocking her path immediately. “You really don’t want to go in there.” As a sign of caution he also cast a deafen and barrier spell on the building, to make sure no one else would stumble into there or get curious.

“But somepony could be hurt!”

“There’s a Mary Sue in there, one of my hunters are taking care of it.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Because I’m a Mary Sue hunter. It’s my job to protect worlds from the likes of MS’s. Even if it means that some of us get hurt or die in the process, it’s still our job.” Noel would’ve continued but it was as he was talking that he remembered something important. “Oh no!” He exclaimed.

“What is it?”

“One of my hunters is injured! I completely forgot about him!” Noel took off running towards the motionless body of the hunter, who was still in the street. He had been so preoccupied with other things that even though the hunter was still in his line of sight, clear as day, Noel had simply forgotten. Minuette followed Noel as he reached the body of the hunter. Noel bent down to check if life was still in his fellow comrade. There was none. Noel pounded the ground with a fist in frustration. “Damn it!”

Minuette had caught up to him easily. The distance between the building and the body couldn’t have been more than fifteen meters. “Is he... dead?”

Noel sat down in defeat with his legs crossed. “Yeah.” He tapped his communication crystal and called Todd. “Todd, we’ve got a hunter down. Get a team in here to send the body back.”

“Roger that.” Came the instant reply.

“Damn it.” Noel repeated before running a hand through his hair. Noel took a closer look at the body. He recognized that the spell Maria had used was designed to eat away at armor, then spread throughout the body of the target and start destroying the body from inside out, while also burning the area away where it originally hit. The man’s neck was charred, which was probably the nicest part of the visible damage. All in all, a deadly spell, but a slow-acting one. He’d died only about a minute ago. If Noel had been paying attention to the man, or gotten to him a few seconds earlier, he most likely would’ve been able to save him.

Noel had witnessed fellow hunters go down before. Seen some get right back up, others drop like a sack of bricks and die. He was fine with that, because he couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. But he could have done something to help this man. Just because he was preoccupied, or simply forgot was no excuse.

Minuette put a comforting hoof on his shoulder. Noel did not shrug it off. “It’s not your fault.” Minuette said sadly.

“Actually, it is. I saw him get injured and I rushed to help him. I saw the Mary Sue who attacked him and I went after her. She got away and I completely forgot about him. I’m his commanding officer, I was supposed to look after him. Healing him as soon as the battle was over should’ve been my first priority. There’s really no excuse for what I failed to do.”

Minuette took her hoof off his shoulder. “You made a mistake. We all do.”

Noel nodded. “Yeah, I did.... Well, there’s no use dwelling on it.” He stood up and started walking back to the building to continue guarding it, the blue pony trotting on his heels. “So,” he said as he sat down next to the door, “was there anything you wanted to discuss?”

“Yeah.” She said, sitting on her haunches. “Are you a Mary Sue?”

Noel raised an eyebrow. “What? No, I’m not.”

“Then why do you look like them?”

“I’m a human. Mary Sue’s come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them can change their appearance, but the vast majority of them stay in their original bodies. The fact that they can also look like humans is just a coincidence.”

“So why do you hunt them?”

“Because they mess with worlds and shape them in ways that they’re not supposed to. Most hunters, like me, are also able to do that but we’re only allowed to use our powers to reverse any damage. We’re NOT allowed to change anything to how we like it, or because a world was in the process of dying and so on. We kill Mary Sue’s and then move on. But, there are some hunters that used to be Mary Sues themselves. We aren’t exactly picky when recruiting new hunters these days.”

“I see. That’s... a lot to process. So, why the name, Mary Sue? It sounds like a female name rather than the name of an entire species.”

“That’s because it is a female name. While not the first Mary Sue, she was indeed the most prominent example and so we named the rest of them after her. And since it’s a female name, whenever we see a male Mary Sue we call him that. They get so pissed off and it’s hilarious.” Noel grinned. “But that’s enough about me and my organization. What about you?”

“What?”

“Hey, just because I’m here on a job doesn’t mean I can’t be friendly.” Noel smiled, showing his teeth.

Minuette noticed this. “Wow... your teeth...” Oh, right, canines. Noel remembered, but before he had the chance to say anything Minuette beat him to it. “They’re so unique.” Huh, not what I expected but I’ll take it.

“Really? What makes you think so?” Maybe she’s some kind of dentist.... This narrator certainly thinks so.

“I’ve never seen or worked on teeth like those before.”

“Are you a dentist or something?”

Minuette smiled nervously again and put her hoof behind her head. “Um... yeah.” Noel’s eyes widened and he gasped. Minuette had never had that kind of reaction before when ponies, or a human in this case, found out she was a dentist. “Yeah... I understand if you don’t like the dentist....”

“Are you kidding?!” Noel was leaning close and had a giant smile on his face. “I love dentists! Dentists are awesome and they’re a vital part of any society!”

Minuette smiled so wide that it threatened to split her face. “That’s what I’ve been saying! Ponies should take the time to brush their teeth.” She stopped smiling and got a look that said ‘I suspect you of something’ and drew back. “Hold on, you’re not going to start calling me Colgate like the Mary Sues are you?”

“Like the toothpaste?”

“That’s what it is?”

“Yeah. And no, I would not do that unless you wanted me to.”

“Thanks, I’d prefer if you didn’t. They just kept calling me that, even after I told them my name.”

“Assholes.... Anyway, if you want to take a look at my teeth you’re more than welcome to.”

“Really? Sure! I’d love to!”

Noel facepalmed. “Oh wait, I should probably have some money to pay you with.”

“For what?”

“Checking my teeth.”

“I was going to check your teeth?”

Oh, she just lost her memory. Noel brought her back up to speed with current events, and repeated that he should probably have some money if she wanted to do so.

“Oh don’t worry about it!” She replied, happily. “Think of it as payment for helping out Ponyville.”

“Sure thing.” Just as Noel said that, the door to the building opened, revealing Chloe. Minuette gave her a look and paid no attention until she did a double take as soon as she noticed the horns.

“Is that a Mary Sue?” She asked, pointing at Chloe.

“No, that’s Chloe, don’t worry about her, totally harmless. She’s just not a human. She’s a succubus, a demon.” Minuette gave Noel her best ‘what the fuck’ face. “She’s a hunter like me. Like I said, we’re not exactly picky with who we recruit as hunters, especially nowadays.”

“Ah.” Was all Minuette said in response before she nodded. She then seemed content to just watch, having had enough strange things happen in Ponyville and Canterlot that it didn’t really bother her anymore.

“Chloe,” Noel said, standing up, “I assume you’re done in there?”

“Yes. I found out some interesting information as well.” She responded, idly inspecting her fingernails as she did so. “Not as much as we’d like, this one was either kept on the down low or he was simply ignorant.”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean, you cleaned up right?”

“Yes.”

“So if I go in there right now, I won’t find a bloody mess?” Minuette’s face scrunched up a little as Noel said that.

Chloe’s eyes darted to the door for a while until settling back on Noel. “Yes.” Was the eventual answer.

As soon as she answered him, Noel walked straight into the building. Chloe had indeed answered truthfully. There was no bloody mess. Just a regular mess. Chairs and tables had been tossed around with careless abandon and there were glass plates among other things shattered on the floor. There was no Mary Sue body to be found at least.... Or maybe that could actually be kind of worrying. One of the only things that was untouched was a cookie jar. Full of cookies. Delicious cookies….

When Noel walked out after about a minute he grabbed Chloe by the shoulder. “Tell me what you found out. Then restore that room to its rightful order.”

Chloe groaned. “Ugh, fine. He said that there was a large concentration of Mary Sues in a place called Canterlot. Wherever that is. He was actually surprisingly reluctant to give up that information.”

“Hmm, I’ve actually been to Canterlot the last time I was here.”

“What?” Chloe and Minuette said in unison.

“Long story that we don’t have time for at the moment.”

“I have no idea how I got here.” Minuette said, her eyes looking off into the far distance. Noel quickly explained everything to the poor girl.

“She alright?” Chloe asked, jerking a thumb at the pony, who didn’t even seem capable of paying attention.

“Not really, she just needs some rest and she’ll be fine.” He was about to walk off but stopped himself. “Oh hey wait, I’ve been meaning to ask you. How did you capture him in the first place? When Maria teleported out she took all of her Mary Sues with her. Why didn’t she take him?”

“He was teleporting around when I was fighting him so I hit him with an anti-teleport spell to stop the fucker from moving around so much. Guess that’s why.”

“Yeah. And don’t forget that room.” Chloe groaned in frustration once more before heading inside the building. Noel tapped his communication crystal and called Carlotta. “Hey, Carlotta. I’ll need you to find Discord for me.”

“Who?” Came the immediate reply.

“That draconequus we ran into when we first got here.” Is everyone going to keep asking me questions?

“Oh yeah, I forgot.”

“Find him for me and have him do a mass teleport back to where we were summoned. Once we’re there we’ll start planning our next move and we can get camp set up.”

“Correction. You’ll be setting up camp.” She said with such a smugness Noel could practically feel it oozing from the crystal.

“Fuuuuck you.” Was all Noel responded with. Well, this will certainly be an easier deployment than last time with this many hunters around... hopefully.

“I can taste colors!” Minuette called out to no one in particular.

Noel blasted her with a sleeping spell so that she could sleep off the effects that the deaths of the Mary Sues were having on her, making her pass out in the middle of the road. He considered moving her to a somewhat safer location. Which lasted for about two seconds once he remembered that this was the land of magical, talking, candy-colored, and overly friendly ponies. ….Eh, she’ll be fine.