Chapter 1: Beyond Confusing
Pinkie Pie loved getting up early in the morning. Ever since she was a filly, she'd always get up at the crack of dawn and start breakfast for her family, who'd drag themselves out of bed to see whatever it was she had made. That habit never quite disappeared as she grew older, even though those around her never seemed to appreciate hearing her clang around in the kitchen when they were still trying to get some sleep. The Cakes were such ponies, and soon, Pinkie's husband was, too.
Of course, they'd forget their reservations and grievances when they saw whatever it was she had decided to make for breakfast that morning.
By the time Pinkie had sent Sombra off with the foals to get them to school, she was already in the process of cleaning up plates and silverware, then preparing lunches for herself and Sombra for work. She hummed to herself merrily, small noises and scats escaping her as rhythms flitted through her mind.
Knock, knock, knock.
Pinkie's ears perked up at the sound, her eyes flicking towards the entrance of the kitchen. A smile spread across her face in familiarity as she saw her significant other standing there, a hoof placed on the frame of the door. "Hiya, Sombry! What're ya doin'?"
Sombra, however, didn't return her smile, not like he normally did. His face was stoic, tense, and perhaps even a teensy bit nervous. "Pinks, we need to talk."
Pinkie frowned a bit, her brows furrowing. "Why? Is something the matter?" Her eyes widened. "Are Oz and Surprise alright?"
Sombra shook his head, then paused as he realized his action. "I mean, yes, they are. They're fine." He stepped into the kitchen and shut off the sink with his magic. "There's... something I need to tell you."
Pinkie blinked. "What is it? Is it that you found something weird going on with your body or something?"
Sombra arched a brow in confusion. "What?"
"Or did the kids ask you about the birds and the Breezies?" Pinkie suggested. "I guess they were gonna ask someday... Think we should dolls to teach them?"
Sombra shook his head. "Pinks, that's not what I'm trying to--"
"Or maaaaaaaaaybe we could get Fluttershy to talk about that stuff! She knows more about animals than we do and she might be able to--" Pinkie was silenced when Sombra's came into contact with her nose, a small signal for her stop talking. She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."
Sombra sighed. "Pinks, can you take a seat? I need to tell you something."
Pinkie smiled brightly. "Okie dokie lokie!" She slipped into the chair at the table. "So what is it? Is it good news?" She frowned a bit. "Is it bad news?" She raised a brow, her hoof going to her chin in thought. "Or is it an in between thing...? Is it bad-good? Or good-bad?"
Sombra shook his head. "Well, it's certainly... news." He tapped his hooves together. "Pinks, I'm not sure there's a way to say this, but..."
Pinkie blinked nonchalantly. "What is it?"
Sombra looked up at her. "I'm pregnant."
Pinkie froze in an instant, her entire world suddenly ceasing to spin as those words left his mouth. Her eyes widened, her pupils shrinking to the sizes of pinpricks while her entire body grew taut with shock.
Meanwhile, Sombra, was merely staring at her calmly, awaiting to see if her reaction would go further than that. A couple seconds passed, and when nothing occurred, Sombra's stare turned from calm to worried. "Pinks? You OK in there?"
Pinkie didn't reply. In fact, she didn't move. She just sat there, totally shocked.
Sombra frowned. "If this is some way of messing with me, it's not funny. It's starting to freak me out a bit, actually."
Again, Pinkie did not move. Not a muscle, not a tendon, not anything.
"Alright... I'm gonna go to work now..." Sombra told her. "I'll talk to you about this later, alright?" When he began his exit from the kitchen, he looked back at Pinkie, who still remained at the table. "Yeah... I'll tell Twilight you said hi. Even though you didn't."
Then, with that, he left, unsure about whether or not he should be forthwith his little prank.
* * *
"So, how'd your plan go?" Oscuridad asked. He was eight years old, and a near picturesque representation of Sombra, save for his horn and his eyes, which were the same blue as Pinkie's. He came past Sombra's knee whenever he stood up, but his short legs made it difficult to keep up with the long legged strides of his father.
Sombra glanced down at him. "Not sure. She didn't seem to have any reaction."
"Like, at all?" a lispy voice from above asked.
Sombra glanced up to look at Surprise, who was only two years younger than Oz. Her mane was curly like her mother's, but black like Sombra's, and like Oz, she was a Unicorn. She was smaller than her brother by a couple inches, and because of it, she insisted that she let Sombra carry her on his back. She must have managed to crawl up into his mane when he hadn't been paying attention.
Sombra, in response to Surprise's question, shook his head lightly. "At all. She just sat there... frozen in shock."
Oz shrugged. "Maybe she decided to wait until you left to react?"
"Or maybe she's plotting revenge!" Surprise said exaggeratedly, giggling a bit. "You know how Mom is with April Fools!"
Sombra sighed. "Oh, yes I do... I had to put up with two years of pranking from your mother before we got married and had you two."
"And then eight more years after you two got married!" Surprise added, recalling Sombra's retelling of the story. "That makes ten years!"
Sombra smiled at her. "That's right." He frowned a bit as he looked forward again. "Ten years of pranking..."
"So, what do you think she's doing now?" Oz asked. "I mean, prank wise?"
Sombra sighed. "Probably something to do with rearranging my sock drawers or something silly like that. She's not big on doing anything too chaotic, but she does enough to cause a hassle."
"Like that time she dyed your mane pink?" Surprise suggested.
Sombra rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like that time. Your Aunt Fluttershy was in on that, too, but you never hear that part of the story." He lifted Surprise off of his head as their house came into view. "Come on, let's get inside."
"Awww, can't I ride for just a bit longer?" Surprise whined.
"You can get on my back," Oz offered, leaning his head forward.
Surprise gasped with delight, then hopped on his back. "Yay!"
Oz let out a small grunt, but he put on a smile. "No problem..."
Sombra smiled a bit at the two of them, then put his focus back to the door. He turned the key and the doorknob in turn, then stepped in, the kids following in after. "Pinks? We're home."
There was no response.
"Maybe she's at Sugarcube Corner?" Oz suggested.
Sombra shrugged. "So be it. Are you two hungry?"
"Yeah!" Surprise replied. "Can we have sandwiches?"
"Alright, what kind of sandwich do you-- Holy Celestia!" Sombra shouted abruptly.
Surprise put a hoof to her chin in thought. "What kind of sandwich does Holy Celestia want...? I dunno, probably something with Swiss cheese in it."
Oz snorted. "Or maybe some donut holes, too."
"Bet she'd like onion rings, too." Surprise stepped in after Sombra into the kitchen, her brows knitting together in confusion. "What's Mom doing here?"
As Surprise said, sitting at the table was none other than Pinkie Pie, who appeared not to have moved a single muscle since that morning.
"She... She was here when I left this morning," Sombra said, still a bit shocked. "How long has she been in here?"
Oz trotted over to the table. "Uh, Mom? You OK?" He jumped onto the chair beside her and waved a hoof in front of her. He shook his head at Sombra when she didn't respond. "What did you do to prank her?"
Sombra sighed. "I told her I was pregnant."
Oz's eyes widened. "What?! You are?!" He looked at Pinkie, then at Sombra again. "Whose the dad?!"
"Oz, no, I'm not actually preg--"
"You know, that would explain why you've gained some weight over the past couple weeks..." Surprise observed aloud.
Sombra stopped short in his sentence and looked down at Surprise to glare at her. "Surprise, it's physically impossible for someone born of the male sex to give birth. What do you mean I've gained weight in the past couple weeks?"
Surprise sucked in air through her teeth. "Yikes... Never mind, you look great! Hey, let's go see what's up with Mom!"
Sombra opened his mouth to argue with her, but then stopped as he realized it wouldn't be worth his time. "Kids, do you wanna help me make the snacks?"
"Mom, since you're frozen, does that mean we can have cake for breakfast?" Surprise asked, ignoring Sombra.
Sombra sighed. "I suppose not..."
* * *
Hours passed, and there was still yet to be seen on whether or not Pinkie would move from her spot in the kitchen. Of course, when he could see her. Oz, worried about whether or not Pinkie had eaten that day, had offered some of his sandwich to Pinkie. When Sombra returned later on, the sandwich was gone from sight. The same had happened after dinner when Sombra made her a plate, at the insistence of Surprise and Oz. Sombra decided not to question what had happened to it.
"Do you think Mom's gonna be alright?" Surprise asked him as he put her and her brother down for the night.
"I'm sure she'll be absolutely fine," he told her. He wondered how true it was as he left the room and shut off the lights.
Then, as he walked through the hall and made his way to the bedroom, he looked down the hall one last time. He sighed, then stepped through the door. "I'm sure she'll be fine... It'll probably wear off by the time morning comes."
With that thought in mind, he walked into the room and slid into bed, finding the emptiness in the bed a bit unsettling. However, he figured that since Pinkie was probably just going about things in her usual Pinkie way, he should probably leave well enough alone for her to handle it. Stranger things have happened within the Pie family, that much he knew for sure.
Then, as he finally managed to get comfortable, he found himself drifting off into sleep... One that would soon be interrupted by the second most awful bit of profanity to ever escape a member of the Pie household. The first had been when Sombra stepped on one of Oz's building blocks(causing Pinkie to wash his mouth with soap afterwards as a punishment).
"WHAT THE F---" came a high pitched voice from downstairs.
Sombra's eyes popped open, the word ending the sentence prompting a feeling of shock. Then, like he usually did, he found himself getting over it rather quickly. "Alright, so I suppose this year's prank wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be..." He sat up in bed with a sigh. "And now comes the rebuttal from our opponent..."
As if on cue, Pinkie came zooming into the room, her hair crazed and her eyes narrowed. "Sombra Sebastian Pie III, just what were you thinking?!"
Sombra blinked. "In what universe is my name Sombra Sebastian Pie III-- you know what, I'm not gonna argue with you." He sighed once more. "So, I assume you're gonna try to get back at me somehow n--"
"Sombra, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?!" Pinkie exclaimed, stomping into the room.
Sombra blinked in shock once more. "What." It wasn't phrased as a question, but merely a statement for his confusion.
"I mean, sure, I know that you've been getting kinda tubby the past couple weeks--" Pinkie continued, walking near the bed.
"Tubby?" Sombra repeated, his eyes widening.
"--and that you've been emotional, too--"
"I'm not emotional!" Sombra protested, then stopped to look at himself. "Well, maybe a bit right now, but that doesn't mean--"
"--and that you've been getting pregnancy brain!" Pinkie finished, jumping onto the bed with Sombra. "So, why didn't you tell me? I've been pregnant before, so I could totally help!"
Sombra frowned at her. "Pinkie, dear, I'm not actually pregnant."
Pinkie blinked and looked him over. "Really? 'Cause you still look kinda tubby..."
Sombra sighed. "Yes, Pinkie, I'm sure. It is physically impossible for someone of the male sex to give birth." He paused for a moment. "Unless they're Discord. Then it might be possible"
Pinkie's mouth formed a small 'o' in understanding. "Oh, OK!" She sighed and fell against the pillows. "Whew, that's a relief! I was really worried there for a second!"
Sombra sighed in relief as well, glad that the situation had diffused itself. "Yes, well, consider this revenge for all those times you ransacked my sock drawers."
"You never even wear socks!" Pinkie argued.
"Not in front of the kids, I don't."
Pinkie rolled her eyes playfully. "Are we gonna cuddle or not? I'm sleepy and I wanna go to bed."
Sombra scooted over next to her and pulled her in close. "Same here. Though, only one question... Am I really gaining weight?"
Pinkie snorted. "Not really, just a little." She snuggled into him. "Plus, you're more comfy like this! It was hard to sleep with you when you were all muscle-y. I'm glad you stopped working out!"
Sombra frowned. "Nice to know... Though don't expect it to stay that way. I'm not big on being soft and huggable..."
Pinkie yawned and closed her eyes tiredly. "Oh, please, you're gonna have to be when the twins come..."
"Yes, I suppose so-- Wait, what?!"
Author's Note
Blame Thiefshipping for this. Don't ask how or why, just know that you should. Also, that last line... Totes not a prank.
HAPPY MARCH 32ND!
