Fuzzy Fluffy Fables

by Fuzzyfurvert

Rating: teen
Tags: Queen Chrysalis, Random, Princess Celestia, Anthology, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna
Length: 59001

A collection of my writings that are too short to post alone or have been posted elsewhere.

I've written a lot of pony words since 2012. Like...a lot. This is a collection of the ones you might not have seen before.

Some of these are reposts with links back to where they can otherwise be found.
Some are from the writeoff contests and I don't intend on cleaning them up.
Some are mini-fics I write in the skype groups, cuz I had a funny thought. Yes, I write fics in skype. I know I'm a weirdo. Shut up.

Basically, this is a place for me to put things that don't fit anywhere else. These aren't intended to be continued, cleaned up or expanded on, but hey, you never know. These are in the rough, so if that bothers you, move along.

Published 2015-03-29 15:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-26 01:09:58 UTC

1. "All In" Writeoff Contest entry

Author's Note

Written for the "All In" mini-fic Writeoff in January.

Does not have a satisfying ending. Contains Pinkie Pie being kinda creepy via implication.

1. "All In" Writeoff Contest entry

“More sugar, more sugar! More sugar! More! Sugar!”

Twilight winced when the loud cry was punctuated with a mad cackle. The ponies cowering behind her in the narrow alley whimpered and sunk to their bellies as hundred of thousands of years of evolution told them to make themselves as small as targets as possible. No pony screamed or cried out and Twilight thank her lucky stars that she wouldn’t have to silence one of them so that the herd might escape.

She glanced up when she felt the pressure of eyes on her back. Twilight turned slowly and kept her body low and close to the wall that was shielding her and a dozen other Ponyville residents. Beyond the alley, across the main road, she spied movement in the shadows a moment before the welcome sight of Applejack crept into view. AJ held herself in the alleyway opposite of them and mouthed silently.

“The coast is clear.”

Oh sweet Celestia, thank you! Twilight sighed in relief and felt the tension drain out of her shoulders. There was an opening, there was a way out of this for all of them. She stood then and motioned to her wards, urging them to their hooves. She pointed at Applejack and it took them only a moment to get the idea.

The ground rumbled under them when all twenty plus ponies broke into a skittish canter, the farm pony with the big Stetson in the lead. Applejack lead them into the next alley and then behind the town hall, down another backstreet until she stopped at Roseluck’s house. Twilight moved forward, slipping through the crowd until she was next to Applejack and ducked down to press herself into the shade Rose’s overgrown window gardens provided.

“What’s wrong?” She whispered near AJ’s ear.

The orange mare flicked her ears and nodded her head toward the next broad thoroughfare. “We got to time this one just right, Twi. Otherwise, Pinkie is gonna see from that big ol’ oven she’s got in the square. We’re gonna have to get these folks across one at a time.”

Twilight hissed under her breath and glanced back at the ponies behind them. “Ok. You go first and I’ll cover the rear. We’ll send them across and then I follow.”

“After this, it’s a straight shot outta town. Cover all the way.”

Twilight opened her mouth to speak when another wail of laughter echoed from the middle of town. Pinkie Pie, her friend and one of the nicest ponies she had ever had the pleasure to know, cackled with unrestrained glee from atop the immense oven that had appeared overnight.

“That’s it! That’s all of it!” Pinkie’s voice carried well, but she sounded sick, as if her throat was raw from all the shouting and laughing. “All the sugar in Ponyville is in there! My greatest masterpiece!”

“Princess Twilight!” Minuette, Ponyville’s resident dentist, poked her head up from the clump of scared evacuees. “We can’t stay any longer! I don’t know what Pinkie is up to, but she’s getting weirder by the moment and when weird stuff happens in this town, it can only be the harbinger of much worse weird stuff!”

Several ponies spoke up and murmured their agreement. Twilight frowned, but she knew if she didn’t get them all moving soon, somepony was going to break ranks and then Pinkie would notice them. She still didn’t know what was going on, but she knew she didn’t want to let anypony be captured and forced into sampling whatever Pinkie was creating.

“Ok, AJ, get across. As soon as the way is clear, we start getting these ponies over and out of town.”

Applejack nodded and pulled her hat down tight over her eyes. She glanced around the corner and then, like a shot, she was off and across in a blink. Applejack skidded to a halt on the other side and spun around to check if Pinkie was looking their way and then waved her hoof while Twilight organized the exodus from her end.

Celestia must have been watching from above for all of the ponies to make it across unnoticed.

Twilight took a deep breath and watched the last pony cross. She bunched her legs and waited a moment more before launching herself out into the open.

“Twilight!”

Her hoof caught on a cobblestone and Twilight hit the road hard. “Go! Just go!”

“Twilight, I’m so glad I caught you! Now you can try my new recipe for All the Sugar Sugar Cookies!” Pinkie’s voice wrapped around her core and Twilight felt all the fight leave her body. She went limp as she was pulled in by the dark arcane energies of Pinkie’s oven. At least she had saved some ponies. Perhaps that might soften whatever she was in for.

Perhaps somepony else would save them, or else they may all be in for a fate of Pinkie’s choosing.

2. "Letters to Luna" collab entry

Author's Note

Written for this collab.

This is a series of journal entries by Celestia, written as if they were addressed to Luna just after her banishment. Interesting Trivia: This is based off an old prompt I wrote of the Twilestia collab, and it acts as the inspirational basis for the AU My Little Dynamite exists in.

2. "Letters to Luna" collab entry

Dearest Luna,

It has been four days since our quarrel.

I thought you should know I have done the calculations, and if my math is correct, the spell I used to end our disagreement will end in roughly a thousand years.

I’ll see you in 364,496 days.

With apologies,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

The builders and repair ponies have put up a temporary roof over the hole you made in the throne room and I am once again holding court. Many ponies have expressed concern of the redistribution of political powers, primarily my absorption of your former duties. I have eased these concerns by conducting a search for a new princess to eventually take your place.

Hopefully, it will not take long.

I will see you again in 364,492 days.

With apologies,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

I have had time to reconsider my actions during our quarrel and I admit now that they were not the best I have ever undertaken. I hope, one day that we can reach an understanding with each other again. I miss you in my dreams, Luna.

In other news, I think I finally have gotten the swing of moving the moon. The lighter weight kept throwing me off. I’m sorry for the bumpy ride.

I will see you in 364,468 days.

With apologies,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

Today I have had two rather novel experiences. First, after I raised the sun and gazed out over Everfree City, I noticed a pulsing light coming from the central park. It may just be one of the citizens performing spellcraft. I have dispatched my eunuchs to investigate it as I felt some kind of base malese, but it is probably unimportant.

Secondly, it was brought to my attention before opening court that the continued effort to repair the damage to the castle will take another year and at least three more crews of slaves to complete. The nobles complained, as is their lot. So I had the construction halted and the temporary roofing torn down.

As providence would have it, it rained shortly thereafter.

I will see you again in 364,467 days.

I miss you,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

I write you from the breakfast nook. I finally replaced all the dishes you broke and have packed away your things. Seeing it everyday has been troubling and I need to keep my mind clear. I don’t want to seem alarmist, but I feel eyes upon me at all times. I’m not sure who I can place my full trust in.

I will find out who haunts me and put it to rest. No pony, drake or dog will scare the Sun Queen in her own castle.

These times are trying but I will remain strong. For you, if not myself.

I will see you in 364,445 days.

Your sister,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

My eunuchs have returned after searching high and low for that princess I was telling the nobles I would replace you with. They brought with them several candidates, but none of them are even remotely like you. I will not share my throne with them. However, they may yet serve a purpose.

Obviously, I don’t plan to tell the nobles this. It serves me well if they simply assume that the mares are “in training” for the duration.

Speaking of the nobles, something odd happened just this past week. One of the noble houses stepped forward to see to the repairs of the castle. They are putting up quite a bit of gold and labor for no more reason than to “restore the symbol of the Everfree peoples”. I am...confused by this. It is a feeling I have had much more often since the feeling of being watched began. I am still no closer to finding the culprit than I was before but I shall remain vigilant.

I miss you.

I will see you in 364,402 days

Love,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

The construction goes well! If the weather holds, it should be completed in six months, just in time to celebrate your birthday! I would send you a gift, but I’m afraid the fudge would go bad long before your release.

Luna, I want to tell you how happy I have become recently. I’m not sure why, if I am honest, but I feel at peace. The city is happy along with me. Everyone smiles and I have heard children singing in the gardens! I feared the Everfree was in for a long period of unrest, and yet, it seems I was wrong!

I have never been so happy to be wrong!

I will see you in 364,388 days.

Love,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

Have you ever been scared of happiness? Have you ever seen a smile, know it’s genuine and still mistrust it? That has become my every day recently. Something lurks behind the eyes of the people of Everfree and I am the only one that notices. Everyone is polite and kind and giving.

It makes me sick at my very core to know it is real and false at once.

I heard children singing in the garden again but when I looked I found no children. My eunuchs have even started to smile. It is unsettling. The feeling of being watched has returned and is stronger than ever. The roof repairs near completion and it feels like a cage is being closed around me.

I can trust nopony but you, Luna. Come back to me soon.

I will see you in 364,376 days.

Please,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

I opened the chest of the Harmonic Gems. They lay there as inert stone, just as they have since our quarrel. I think the magic of the Tree still flows within them, but I cannot touch it. I am not in harmony. None in the Everfree are. No armies threaten us, no disease or famine stresses us, the nobles and I smile and speak politely with each other. We are the strongest nation on this world below you and yet I feel we are soon to fall.

Will I go with it? Am I as much the Everfree as I am the Queen and the Sun?

I don’t know and I fear the unknown more than anything else these days. I believe that something hunts us, hunted us and caught us, we just don’t know it yet.

I’m going to hide the Harmonic Gems. Then I am going to find the eyes that watch in the darkness and I am going to set this world right with my might.

I will see you in 364,343 days.

Pray for me,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

My search has been in vain, so far. I have not exercised the ghosts that haunt me in the night nor warded away the shadows that chase me in the light of my day. I have lost a few of my still trusted eunuchs to the ravages of time and too much peace. The people cheer and parade and I sit above them and smile. They do not know the black tide I feel is encircling us for the final kill.

Something stirs in the darkness, Luna, and how I wish it was you my sister! I can hear it all the time now, like a cicada hum, underneath the sounds of a city gone mad.

I am not too far gone to wonder if it is I who have gone mad. Would I be able to tell? When the madness took you, did you know yourself to be insane? Were you trapped inside yourself and unable to stop? Did you plead with yourself as I plead with myself now in the privacy of my own mind?

I long for your wise counsel, Luna.

I will see you in 364,338 days.

Pray for me,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

I am not crazy. I am sane and in control. Yesterday, I was having tea in the gardens alone, as has become my custom since your banishment. Again, I heard the phantom children singing. I did not look for them, as that has never yielded results. I ignored the rustling in the rose bushes that pretended to be birds. I ignored the shadows and flickers of movement that dance just beyond the edge of my vision.

I am in control when I ignore it. I will not give it the satisfaction of jumping like a foal when it makes a noise. I will not be lead into the trap of seeming unhinged in front of my subjects. I will not be the one to point and scream when the dead walk the halls with the living.

The eunuchs have returned, but they are not longer mine. They bow and chant and do my will, but they are not mine. They think they have me fooled but it is I who lay the traps now. It is I who directs the pieces on the gameboard.

I have eternity to put the pieces in place. I merely need the patience to outlast my opponent.

I will see you in 364,302 days.

Unconquered,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

Your prison is lovely. I’m watching it cross the night sky you loved so as I write this. I’m afraid that I am just not as skilled as you were with the stars and nebula and little details that made the night such a wonder to behold. I hope, when we see each other again, that you can forgive me my crimes against natural beauty.

But I do not write you tonight to wax poetically about the sky. I have news.

The repairs to the castle have been completed ahead of schedule and not a single slave has died since the construction began anew several months ago. There was quite the celebration thrown in court today because of it. I felt genuinely happy for the first time since our quarrel.

It seems that the jovial feelings of the gathered ponies, drakes and dogs had an effect on my invisible enemy too. One of the undead spoke to me. For just a moment, it forgot its place and in that moment I spoke to it and it knew that I knew. It knew then that I am not inept or impotent, that I am not unwitting prey. I watched the realization crawl across its face. I drank in the surprise in its eyes and then wallowed like a sow in mud in its fear.

It felt so good to be feared again.

It’s late and I will not keep you any longer, Lulu. Rest well, for I know I will tonight.

I will see you in 364,291 days.

Love,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

I am pressing my advantage. I have become the hunter once more! It feels like the good old days when we were young and nothing dared stand before us! I have have left the castle grounds more and more frequently. I no longer can rely on my traditional means of gathering information and must take things into my own hooves.

If I had known shedding one’s own hubris was this much fun I would’ve done so long ago!

Whenever I take flight now to survey the Everfree and my peoples, the nobles grumble and grouse, but the people...Luna, I had forgotten how liberating it is to be among them! They bow far too much and pray far too loudly, but what am I to do? It takes them forever to speak to me, but I feel it is worth it. As their Goddess, I owe it to them to tackle this threat head on.

The people of Everfree are not as blind as I feared, thankfully. There is an undercurrent of discontent and suspicion, particularly amongst the lowliest. People go missing each day only to return changed into the undead. I have no solid leads yet, but I have set traps to catch them. I time my movements to confuse them. I trust no one with my plans, except you.

I will win this battle as I have won all the others!

I will see you in 364,288 days.

Love,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

It seems I spoke too soon. My enemy...is not what I thought. After much planning and using many different pawns, I was finally able to get one of the ‘undead’ alone where it could not hide nor summon reinforcements and we would not be seen. It had the stones to raise its hoof against me in defense but I handled it without true effort.

While it answered none of my questions, I did learn quite a few things. For one, they are not undead. This creature in not a pony at all but is very much alive! They have been mimicking the appearance of the missing and dead when in truth they are some sort of insect. I have no idea how its magic works or even why they have invaded. I had imagined it was to dethrone or otherwise control me.

Now I am unsure. I need to reflect on this, sister.

I will see you again in 364,273 days.

Watch over me,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

I am...confused. Nothing is working out as I planned and yet nothing is wrong. All of the ‘mimickers’(fakers? changeling? I don’t know what to call them, honestly) I had identified have vanished overnight. There has been considerable unrest as they were filling many influential roles throughout the Everfree and we are suddenly unstable and left floundering. The parties have ended, there are less smiles and jokes but I feel the joy that remains is true.

I want to believe the threat is over, but experience tells me to be on my guard.

I have rallied most of the nobles behind me as well as risen a few of the lower houses to noble status in thanks for their unknowing aid in uncovering those changelings...yes, changelings, let’s go with that. I want to be ready when they return. But that means changing(HA!) the way we have done things. Hubris and habit has made us weak and Celestia the Undimmed, Goddess of the Sun, Queen of the Everfree is not weak.

I miss you more than you can comprehend, Luna. I hope you can see my dreams where we play and laugh and live together once more. I would give all of this up just to have you back with me in these dark times, sister.

I will see you again in 364,256 days.

Waiting,
Tia

Dearest Luna,

Happy birthday, my little Lulu! I hope you rest well with moon to carry you through the night, above the world. Above the clouds and the storms thunderous and political, above this land that is Everfree. It pleases me that I do not have bad news to write about this night.

Things have restabilized here and the people are healthy. It has been scant months since the mass disappearance of the changelings and no pony seems to have realized that they were ever here. Rumors run rampant of course, but none are remotely close to the truth. There is a shift happening, I think, in the city as more common born peoples rise in prominence thanks to a growing merchant class and the receding nobility. These are interesting times, Luna, and I wish you could see them.

When you return, will you let me know if you can see the fireworks from up above?

I will see you in 364,229 days.

I’m sorry,
Tia

3. "Giggle" Twinkie collab entry

Author's Note

Written for this collab [which is kinda dead in the water sadly]. Written well over two years ago, but only recently has it seen the light of day.

Oops! My ~~not-so~~ secret love for Twinkie is showing!

3. "Giggle" Twinkie collab entry

Maybe it was something in the air. Maybe is was some sort of psychic connection. Maybe it was the intuition her Granny Pie taught her. Whatever it was that clued her in, Pinkie Pie knew her friend Twilight needed her.

On second thought, it was probably the tears that clued her in.

Of course, Twilight wasn’t crying crying! She only did that when she was super sad. Her eyes looked watery and not in a oh-my-there-sure-is-a-lot-of-pollen-out-today kinda way. Her tail hung lower than usual and her wings slumped a little too. Twilight was upset about something!

Twilight had walked into Sugar Cube Corner a few minutes ago and ordered her favorite combo: a buttery croissant and a chai latte with extra cream. Then she left without even stopping to say hi! Something was really upsetting Twilight!

Pinkie got Mr. Cake to let her off early. He said it was ok, so long as she was back before the dinner rush. She caught up to the purple alicorn about a block away.

“Hey hey Twilight!” Pinkie Pie bounded up next to her friend. “What’s crackalackin’? You look all mopey-wopey.”

Twilight gave her a small forced smile and sighed. “It’s nothing Pinkie, I’m just...not feeling so perky today.”

“If it’s perky you want, I can get you one of Mrs. Cakes’ super coffees.” Pinkie grinned. “That’ll make you PER-key! And keep you awake for like, three days. I had a sip once and I could smell math afterwards!”

“Um...no thanks, Pinkie.” Twilight shook her head. “I don’t need caffeine, I have a latte for that.”

“Well if it’s not caffeine you need, then it looks to me like you could use a friend! I like seeing smiley Twi, not frowny Twi - or crazy Twi, or angry Twi, or mad-with-power Twi, or possessed-with-dark-magic Twi - just regular ol’ smiley Twi.”

Twilight blushed and ducked her head, but not before Pinkie spied a tiny, true smile on her lips. Pinkie leaned in and brushed her shoulder against Twilight’s. “Now there’s a little of the Twilight I like to see!”

Her friend chuckled and looked back up. Her smile was growing already. It wasn’t a big smile, or even a small one really. It was a small smile at best, but it was heartfelt and had plenty of room to grow.

“Hey Pinkie?” Twilight tilted her head slightly. “Would you - if it’s not too much to ask - like to come by the library for a bit? I could use a little company…”

“Would I?” Pinkie giggled and bounced in place. “I’d love to! We can read books together and you can strap me to that machine in the basement and we can eat popcorn and candy and…” Pinkie slowed down and took a deep breath. “Or maybe we can just...you know, hang out and be chill. I can totally be chill!”

Twilight chuckled again in that way that said she was feeling better. “Thanks, Pinkie Pie.” Twilight’s smile grew a teensie bit. “I need that. Maybe we could have a little party later?”

Pinkie nodded. “Yep! It’ll be a totes chill affair with grown-up drinks and those tiny little snacks on a tray. Just what a super smart pony needs at the end of her day to feel relaxed and loved!”

“You’re a good friend, Pinkie.”

The pink pony nodded again and bumped into Twilight’s side as she started walking again. “I am only as good a friend as my friends make me. And you make me be a really good friend, Twilight.”

4. My Harshwhinnial guest chapter

Author's Note

My first foray into intentionally writing something badly. I've since gotten better...at being...worse?

This is chapter 16 of the decidedly whacky My Harshwhinnial by Horizon.

4. My Harshwhinnial guest chapter

The trip back to Nightmare City was quick, but rough.

The transition from bright daylight in the Equestrian sky to the dark, neon lit smog over Nightmare City happened in a blink. I don't know if it was the change in atmospheric pressure or the drop in temperature or just the mystical teleportation between the realms of the living and dead, but Harshwhinnia was bucking under my hooves like a 'roided up bronco at the Interdenominational Mixed Martial Rodeo. I'd taken home the gold five times in that competition. Seven times in Synchronized Helicoptering, so I wasn't about to let a little turbulence stop me from flying straight to the wharf and the Nightmare Discotheque.

"Holy hayfries! Look at all those tall buildings!"

"How did we get to Manehattan? I thought we were going to the Crystal Empire?"

"Why does it smell like Big Mac's special smoking area back behind the barn that Ah'm not supposed to know about?"

Oh my bucking alicorn. I knew I forgot something.

"Hey, listen up you three orphans!" Heh, that's a good joke. I should remember it for later use. "Strap in and shut up! As soon as we get to the other side of Nightmare City, I'm setting Harshwhinnia down next to the disco so I can say goodbye to my dead former fillyfriend, Twilcorn and get back my living and totally hot fillyfriend, Tripleheart. I'm making this quick, then I'm taking you three back to the Flag Carrying Competition!"

"We're not orphans!"

"Who the heck is 'Twilicorn?' Do you mean Twilight Sparkle?"

"Ah'm still confused about this whole situation! It don't make a lick of sense!"

If foalsitting was a sport, I'd have a gold medal in it. I'm good with kids. "Omba! I said shut up! I taught you to fly Apple Blossoms and got a gold medal for it. That means I'm an expert and you're just a kid that doesn't know anything except how to fly 'cuz I taught you! It doesn't have to make sense!"

"Meddel, stop arguing with children," Oh yeah, I'm forgotten she was onboard too. I mentally slapped myself for that. How could I forget the greatest mare alive, the most important mare in my life? My pulse starts to race as she reaches into the cockpit, her perfect hoof circling my chest and heading for my lap. "and watch where you're flying."

Her hoof grips Harshwehinnia's rudder and we swerve away from a tall brownstone that had jumped out from nowhere. I try to swallow past the lump in my throat and adjust my seating, the confines of the cockpit are tight enough as is without adding anymore horseflesh to the mix. I try to fight the feeling. It's not Tripleheart. It just looks like her. Sounds like her. Smells like her. I breath in deeply as she draws her hoof back out now that we're not in imminent danger of flying into a Nightmare Apartment building. I can smell the musk of an athletic workout and rubber with a hint of sandalwood. It is the most alluring scent ever recorded by ponykind. It's my mother's perfume.

My mom, Tripleharsh, is the world's greatest Games Inspector and chilli cook-off judge to ever grace Equestria. I respect her more than any other pony. She is also one of the coolest, hottest mares in the world and looks totally just like my fillyfriend. Part of me thinks that's weird. Another part of me thinks that's hot. Another part thinks both of those other parts are weird and should really be watching where we're going before we run headlong into the giant draconequus that's standing in the middle of the city.
"What!" I yank the rudder hard to dodge but the giant Discord is too fast and catches us with his freaky giant paw. Harshwhinnia's controls start flashing alot of lights and making loud bleep bloop noises that I think means we're gonna crash. We don't crash though, because he has us in his grip.

"My my Meddel, I thought you were good at games?"

"I'm good at Sports!" I flip Discord the hoof and start pushing buttons to arm the missiles on my attack mooncopter. A missile to the face will teach him for getting my talent wrong! My Cutie Mark is a gold trophy for crying out loud!

"Shooting the ref in the face with missiles is against the rules, Meddel. So is using a helicopter!" Discord snapped his fingers and Harshwhinnia disappeared, dropping us into Discord's huge paw hand. "If you want to win gold at telling your old girlfriend bye in the City of the Dead, you have to play by the rules."

"Buck you Discord!" I grit my teeth and pull out my AK-47, but my mom put her hoof on my shoulder.

"Stop Meddel. As a Game Inspector, I say he is right. You must play by the rules or you will be...DISQUALIFIED!" Tripleharsh frowned at Discord sternly. It's the same look she gives me when she tells me to clean my room. "Discord! What are the rules so that Meddel can win?"

"Simple; he must reach the discotheque and his former beloved Twilicorn before midnight and tell her goodbye. But! There are no helicopters allowed. Or guns."

My AK-47 turned into a pile of powerbars, and not the good granola and chocolate kind, but the yucky kind that are covered in pink yogurt stuff. I hate pink yogurt. It is like cryptonights to me, so I threw the powerbars down to the street. It hit a biathlete. That made me happy even though I was sad that Discord stole my gun.

"Oh, and one more rule: if Meddel dies, he loses." Discord smiled like a big fat jerk. "He loses all his gold medals! And I get to keep his soul here forever and he will never become a quadricorn!"

Discord laughed like a big fat jerk too and then put us on the ground. I was worried. Mom looked mad. Sweety Bellicorn and Scoots looked really confused because they are kids and don't understand grown-up stuff. Apple Blossoms looked confused too, but she picked up one of the yogurt powerbars and sniffed it like she would eat it. She instantly became my least favorite Cutie Mark Crusader.

"Come on. I will not lose a game of sports and this is now a sports game! We are in this together, so don't slow me down you dumb orphans!"

"We are NOT orphans!" Sweety Bellicorn seemed mad for some reason, probably because she can't understand a joke.

"We might as well go along, Sweetie." Scoots patted Sweety Bellicorn. "The sooner he wins this game, the sooner we get back to the Flag Carrying Competition."

"At least we'll have something to eat! Ah think Discord made these all Apple flavored!"

I narrowed my eyes at Apple Blossoms. OMBA! I hate her so much right now! But I can't get disqualified! We only have until midnight to win so I turn toward the docks and start power trotting. I am Meddel and I never lose at sports!

5. Unnamed Skype mini-fic 1

Author's Note

Written completely in Skype in one go to cheer up a friend that was feeling down.

All the princesses/queens are giant teases.

5. Unnamed Skype mini-fic 1

A Micro-Skype Fic, by Fuzzy

Celestia paused in the doorway, raising an eyebrow at the actions of her sister and former student, Twilight Sparkle.

The two alicorns sat next to each other in the palace archive, multiple books open and floating in the air before them. Every few seconds, Twilight would lean over to Luna and whisper something inaudible.

Whatever it was, Luna's reaction consisted of simple nods and the rare smirk and gentle chuckle. But what drew Celestia's curiosity was Twilight's reaction in turn; the younger pony frowned and fumed, face a-scowl in Luna's direction. She would calm and then the process would repeat.

Eventually, Celestia decided she had to know what was going on. She approached the pair, her own set of books trailing her, adrift in her magic. "Excuse me, but what are you two whispering about?"

Twilight jerked her head up in surprise, her wings flaring out to maintain her balance. "Celestia!? Oh...um...nothing! It's nothing at all!"

Luna continued to scan the pages in front of her, her ears alone turning to regard her sister. "Worry not, Tia, Twilight is merely attempting - and failing - at vengeance against me."

"'Vengeance?'" Celestia took a step back in shock, her eyes widening.

Twilight waved her hooves rapidly. "No! Nononononono! It's not what you think!"

Luna laughed softly and closed her book. She patted Twilight gently on the head and looked up at Celestia. "Earlier, when Twilight and I met for lunch, I took the opportunity to whisper sweet, naughty nothings in her ear. She blushed furiously and has been trying to think of something suitably scandalous to return the favor."

Twilight huffed and crossed her arms. "It's not fair. I'm playing against somepony with thousands of years of experience."

"Little makes me blush anymore, dear Twilight." Luna grinned and patted Twilight again.

"I see." Celestia smiled, her eyes sparkling with humor. "I wonder if I still have it?" Both junior princesses looked up at her curiously and Celestia leaned down, her muzzle nuzzling inside Twilight's ear.

A moment later, Twilight's face turned a bright crimson, her eyes becoming mere pinpricks as her mind processed what had been whispered to her. She wavered for a moment - if steam could whistle from her ears it would - until she slumped bonelessly to the floor with a goofy grin.

Luna watched Twilight go down with a gasp and then looked back at Celestia. "What did you say to her?"

The Princess chuckled and leaned over to brush her lips against Luna's ear. She repeated herself and punctuated it with a light peck. Luna, to her credit, held out slightly longer than Twilight before she too flushed and melted to the floor.

Celestia watched them both sigh wistfully, and grinning with pride, she stepped carefully around them. "Yep, still got it."

She walked back to the door, her books in tow, where her royal guard escort awaited. When she drew close, the stallion cleared his throat. "Yes?" The guard waved her closer and when she came near, he reared up and wrapped his arms around her neck, pulling her close.

Soft, white coat morphed into warm, smooth obsidian chitin. Blue eyes became green and the body, once blocky, became sleek and elongated. Fangs framed a honey-sweet smile as the Queen of all Changelings replaced the guard.

Chrysalis giggled quietly and held Celestia with strong arms, leaning in to lick the edge of the Princess' ear. She planted her chin against the stunned diarch's cheek and whispered softly.

The reaction was instantaneous. Celestia's pale complexion turning red and heated, her head jerking back as if struck, twin trails of blood shooting from her nostrils. She fell back, landing on her rump and the books she was carrying fell to the ground with a loud clatter.

Celestia recovered quickly and brought up a hoof to her nose to stem the flow. She looked up and the bug Queen was already sauntering away down the hall.

Chrysalis looked back over her shoulder and winked. "If you want to follow up on that, I'll be in my designated cell in the dungeon...shackled and helpless...desperate for love..." She laughed again and turned the corner, but Celestis still heard her parting words.

"Amateurs."

6. "Insignifigant" Twysalis collab entry

Author's Note

Written for this collab.

Twysalis is an interesting concept for a ship. I get the whole hero/redeemable villain thing, but I never could think of anything more than Twilight playfully trolling Chrysalis.

6. "Insignifigant" Twysalis collab entry

“...pose an insignificant threat to Equestria.”

Queen Chrysalis hissed from her perch on her throne. The Hive surrounded her, watching as she listened to a drone read off the by lines from a stolen newspaper. She slumped where she sat, sinking into the molded chitin of generations of previous Queens.

“They think we Changelings are...’insignificant?’” Chrysalis sighed and shook the mane web out of her eyes. “Foolish foals...I’ll show them ‘insignificant!’”

The Queen hissed again and let her lazy slump and gravity pull her from the throne and pool her on the floor before she rose to her full height. She stalked forward, her voice rising as she moved. “We are Changelings. We are the scourge of Equus. We will not be stopped! I WILL NOT BE DENIED MY VENGEANCE UPON THOSE EQUINES!”

Chrysalis paused as she grew even with the drone and looked down on it. “Drone...tell me, just where did you learn to read ponyscript?”

The drone holding the newspaper blinked back up at her. “Um...I learned it during the Canterlot invasion.”

“That generation of drones died more than a month ago.”

“Uh…” The drone started to shake. “I mimicked a really smart pony recently?”

Chrysalis leaned down, her voice dangerously soft. “I issued strict instructions to halt all operations within Equestria. Also months ago.”

The drone started to shake harder. “Uh…” The drone jabbed a hoof at a drone to Chrysalis’ right. “Number 42 taught me!”

“42‽” Chrysalis swung around to face the guilty drone, her fangs bare and her eyes flashed with rage. “What have I told you‽”

“It wasn’t me! She lies!” 42 held up his limbs in front of his face. “I’ve learned my lesson and nothing else, my Queen!”

Queen Chrysalis roared and fell like an avalanche where the literate drone had been standing, only to find the spot empty. No trace of the drone remained except for a faint hint of lavender and ozone. She cast about but didn’t see any fleeing chagelings or anything else even remotely out of place.

“What are you all standing around for? FIND THAT IMPOSTER!”

“How will we know if one of us isn’t one of us?” 42 pointed out.

“I don’t know...bite every changeling you see! If they bleed blood, bring them back to me!” Chrysalis growled and buzzed her wings angrily. “I want the entire Hive searched. Celestia thinks she can send an imposter here to insult me, does she? Well we’ll see whos laughing when I send that pony back to her in a pod!”

Her drones and workers fled the throne chamber to do her bidding with a the haste of those that feared becoming food for the next generation. She scowled at where the disguised drone had stood. Such a lapse in security would need to be shored up immediately.

“My Queen!”

“What? That was fast.” Chrysalis looked up at the drone that ran into the chamber without a prisoner in its jaws. “Wait, I told you all to bite each other until the imposter is found!”

“But my Queen,” The lone drone skidded to a halt in front of her, “there is no one to bite me and prove my authenticity. They ran off to quickly!”

“Uhhggg, sometimes a Queen must do things herself if she wants anything done at all.” Chrysalis sighed and bid the drone to come closer. “I will bite you.”

“Thank you, my Queen!” The drone happily jumped up and came to stand before her and offered its sensitive juncture of shoulder and neck.

She struck quickly and ran her fangs into the tough chitin. The drone tasted surprisingly sweet and its exoskeleton gave away easily to the soft, short fur underneath and the heady musk of a mare that’s been running.

“Ooohh yeah...now pull my mane…”

“Waif...chanf’ings don haf mmans.” Chrysalis mumbled with her mouth full and running her long tongue over the little patch of skin she’d exposed. Things clicked a second later and the Queen yanked herself back from the imposter. “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?”

The drone smirked at her and in a flash the disguise evaporated magically ro reveal none other than Celestia’s Chosen, Twilight Sparkle. The pony advanced in time with the Queen’s retreat until Chrysalis found her back pressed again the foot of her throne. Still, Twilight advanced until she stood over the stunned changeling. Twilight leaned down and kissed Chrysalis softly on the lips.

Chrysalis gasped as she felt her serotonin sacks swell pleasantly. “...what?”

“We’re not so different after all.” Twilight Sparkle smiled and took a step back. “See you soon, my Queen.”

In a flash of pony magic, the invader was gone, leaving Chrysalis to lay there dazed and confused.

“What?”

7. "Just Over the Horizon" Writeoff entry

Author's Note

Written for the "Just Over the Horizon" short fic Writeoff back in Oct 2014.

Something experimental and the Writeoff entry I am most proud of so far.

7. "Just Over the Horizon" Writeoff entry

Once, in a bygone era, I asked my teacher: When the sun sets, where does it go?

She told me that it waits for us just over the horizon. I accepted that, then. I learned later that the world was round, that it spun upon an axis and that it revolved around the sun as dictated by forces of gravity and inertia and Celestia’s will. I learned the equations and formula that spelled out the abstract concepts of mass and centrifugal energy and how magic affected those forces.

So when a foal, much like my younger self, asked me that same question, I had a much better answer. I explained lines of delineation and the visual lag caused by the limit of lightspeed in vacuum. I had entire charts and graphs ready to answer the question in the most complete and nuanced way possible. I had prepared speeches jostling for space in my head that I had been writing since I too asked that question.

Short Cut, the inquisitive colt, started at me in blank incomprehension. His father, Snips, also seemed lost as I continued on. Needless to say, the parent-teacher meeting ended awkwardly shortly there after. I felt drained as the stallions left me alone in my office. It was not the first time I had faced that gulf that exists between my intellect and that of other ponies. I cursed it and my own blindness to it, again.

I know I am smart. Smarter than most of my peers and elders in the same manner they are smarter than the majority of common housepets. The ponies around me aren’t stupid. I learned to avoid that trap early on, setting myself apart from them because I was smart, ergo, they were dumb. I am just smarter. But that knowledge offers me no solace when the divide is so vast.

These days I ask my teacher, now my friend and colleague: Is this how it is for you, with your amassed wisdom and experience?

She nods and lays a wing comfortably across my back. She tells me that when I was younger, before the gulf developed, she saw in me a great potential and that she did not want to overwhelm me. She answered my questions with anecdotes, fables and poetry so that I could grasp concepts. I was not ready for the full truth and the hard math. The answers were designed to make me more curious. To fuel that hunger for more information.

She does as she always has and marvels me with her foresight and ability to boil it down ages of knowledge to something easily digestible. She tells me I am like the set sun. I sit just over the horizon from everypony elses’ view. Like the sun, I am forever waiting for the world to catch up, looking back over my shoulder and encouraging it along. Why else had I elected to become a teacher?

I reflect on that wisdom, poke it and pry at it. I tease out the greater meaning of her words slowly and it becomes clear. I teach foals so that they may one day cross the gulf that divides us. I teach not to impart knowledge itself, but to give others the thirst for it.

So I sit, content once again and await the next foal to ask me where to sun goes when it sets. Now I know the answer.

8. "Behind Closed Doors" Writeoff entry

Author's Note

Written for [but never published becuz I ran out of juice and time] the "Behind Closed Doors" short fic Writeoff back in Dec 2014.

This one has no ending and is disappointing over all.

8. "Behind Closed Doors" Writeoff entry

“Ms. Yearling, those speleothems over there look fragile.”

A.K. Yearling tipped back her safari hat and sat up to look her partner in the eye. “Maud, two things. One: call me Daring Do in the field, and two: what are speleothems?”

Her partner, and geologist extraordinaire, Maud stared back at her in that same flat expression that had won them the poker championship back in Caribul, which in turn got her hooves one step closer to finding the golden Bridle of Liath Macha. Her dark blue-grey coloration made it hard to pick her out from the surrounding stone of the cavern. That had been an important part of their strategy to get past the zombified horse-eaters in the tomb of the Mares of Diomedes.

Right now, those qualities were just annoying.

Maud sighed finally and rolled her eyes. “Stalactites. Kick them and they will fall to the ground.”

“What about the natives?”

Maud craned her head up to look over the short wall that they were kneeling behind. She ducked again as several spears flew over it and clattered against the stone behind their hiding spot. “Still there. Still angry.”

Daring smirked. “How is it that they never seem to run out of those to throw at us?”

“I suggest you knock down the stalactites on top of them.”

“That plan has a fatal flaw, Maud.” Daring tapped herself with a hoof. “Namely, me dying due to overexposure to spears.”

“I will create a diversion.” Maud looked down at the ledge they were taking cover on and ran her hoof over the stone. “I can collapse this ledge.”

Daring bit her lip and grumbled to herself as she thought out the scenario. Even with the distraction, she was going to be out in the open for a few seconds as she raced to the other end of the cavern. It would take all she had to reach the stalactites and keep from getting perforated by a pointy stick. The chance of success was low. If they messed up even a small part, it would lead to their very possible painful deaths or capture at the hooves of some very uncivilized blokes.

On the other hoof, if it worked, the way would be cleared and they would finally reach the final chamber. It would also sell a lot of copies for her next memoir.

Daring Do grinned and climbed to her hooves. “Maud Pie, I like the way you think. Let’s do this!”

Daring Do gasped as the black hood over her head was yanked away and she reflexively snapped at the nearest hoof that wasn’t her own. The ropes binding her still held tight and her snap threw her completely off balance. Thankfully, wherever they had been abducted too had a plentiful amount of cushions strewn across the floor.

“Maud, that was the dumbest idea you’ve ever had!” The pegasus struggled against her bindings and rolled over to glare at her earth pony partner. “Who hides behind a rock when they are being chased through the streets of Rideyadh by a bunch of burly stallions in dark sunglasses?!”

“Ms. Do, were you aware that taking a seat before royalty is an offense punishable by death?”

“Did you realize that kidnapping is an offense punishable by my hoof...” Daring rolled back the other direction and lifted her head. “...to your...your face? Oh.”

“Greetings. You are the world famous explorer, Daring Do, correct?” A tall and stately mare, draped in translucent silks and gold, stepped forward from a phalanx of beshaded stallion bodyguards. She had the exotic look of a noble Saddle Arabian, tiny hooves, long graceful legs and elongated snout. “I’m sorry that this how we have to meet, but I am afraid I could not contact you through normal channels.”

Daring eyed the bodyguards and looked sideways at Maud for a moment. “Ok, I can buy that. Think you could get one of your goons to untie us? My wings are starting to cramp, and Maud looks uncomfortable.”

Maud stood there, still as a stone and blinked slowly.

“And let me tell you, you wouldn’t like Maud when she’s uncomfortable. We went easy on your boys out there, but at any moment, Maud could flip out and tear down the walls of your...whatever this building is.”

The tall mare snickered and nodded her head and her bodyguards swarmed forward as a single unit. In a blur of hooves and chorus of grunts, Daring Do found herself free of ropes and standing once more. Maud straightened her frock and then picked up the safari hat from where it had fallen off and passed it back to her.

“Ok, princess, how about you start by telling us what’s going on here?”

The silk covered mare’s eyes widened for a moment. “Oh! You know who I am?”

“Uh,” Daring grinned nervously and rubbed the back of her ankle against her leg, “I actually meant ‘princess’ in a condescending way. But you’re telling me you’re an actual princess?”

The Arabian mare nodded again, but if it was in response to her question, or some other silent command to her hovering stallions, she wasn’t sure. The bodyguards moved suddenly and a low table was brought in from some adjacent room and set before them. It was loaded with platters of cheeses and breads and goblets of clear water and ice. There were bowls filled with grapes and apples and figs and dozens of other fruits Daring couldn’t name off the top of her head.

The Arabian mare took a seat at the table and then gestured at the opposite side. “Now you may sit. I am truly sorry for having you brought here so roughly. I need your help, so allow me to start making amends by offering you this meal. Later I can see to it that you have comfortable lodging and access to bathing facilities.”

Daring looked over the table and grimaced when her stomach betrayed her with an audible grumble. It had been a week since her last significant meal. Stale bread crusts and the occasional apple slice kept a pony alive and functioning, but it wasn’t what she called living. With a grumble, she dropped back down onto a cushion and plucked out a toothpick with her feathers and speared a couple of cheese cubes.

“So...you know who I am. Not a surprise, when you’re a celebrity like me.” She flashed the winning smile that made her editors swoon when she pitched her books. “But I don’t know who you are, and I try to make it my business to know all the pretty mares in the room.”

“Oh?” Their hostess looked pointedly at Maud. “Do you make it your business to know her? I do not know who she is. Is this your partner?”

Daring’s ears perked up. The way she said ‘partner’ sounded like she meant something more than a two mares with a business arrangement. Daring shot Maud a look but the quiet mare looked unmoved by the conversation and took a small rock from her pocket and placed it on the table.

“Uh, no! No, I mean, yes, we are partners, but not like that!” she chuckled and patted Maud on the back with a wing. “Maud is a business partner! She’s an expert in geology. Tell her, Maud.”

Maud looked down at the rock she had placed on the table and scooped some of the bread off the plate and brushed it around the rock. She sat in silence for a long moment before looking up. “It’s Boulder's feeding time.”

Their hostess looked back and forth between them and Daring shrugged.

“I study rocks.”

9. "Parents" Futalight collab entry

Author's Note

Written for this generally NSFW collab. Click at your own risk.

This is not clop, but it does contain frank discussion of penises.

9. "Parents" Futalight collab entry

Night Light looked up at the sound of the bedroom door opening. His wife of 33 years, Twilight Velvet, blushing like a schoolfilly on her first date, kicked the door shut lightly, and walked past him into the master bath suite.

“Your daughter needs to speak with you.” Velvets voice warbled with barely contained mirth from the bathroom.

Night Light scratched his head and glanced back at the detailed scale model he had been working on. “Why is she suddenly my daughter? Does she need me to post bail?” His wife didn’t answer him, so Night Light turned slowly back to the model and picked up the toothpick he was using to apply the paint to the 1:32nd scale cannons along the aft of the warship.

He wiped the tip off on the clearing cloth and dipped it into the paint again. He was just about to apply it when Velvet stuck her head out from the bathroom.

“What are you waiting on? Go talk to her!”

“Does it have to be me? Sundays are the only ‘me time’ I get!” Night Light groaned and looked back at his wife. He paled under her gaze and for a moment, he felt like arguing the point, but he also didn’t want to sleep on the couch again. He sighed with resignation and put down the toothpick again. “Is she in the living room? Or her old room?”

“Bedroom.” Came his wife’s bubbly reply from the bathroom again. “I’m not touching this one.”

This is going to be a doozy, Night Light. Your little princess does not have normal pony problems. He shook his head and exited his and Velvet’s room and turned down the hall. He pasted the study, which used to be Shining’s room, and took the narrow set of stairs that led to the attic and his daughter’s bedroom.

He paused just outside the door and mentally gathered himself for whatever his wife was running from. He raised a hoof, and knocked softly. “Twi? You in there, sweetie?”

“Yeah, dad.” His daughter’s muffled voice sounded disappointed. Or brokenhearted, he thought.

“Can I come in? Your mother sent me.” He heard Twilight sniffle and then the doorknob turned and the door opened. The room was just as he had seen it last, if less dusty and filled with 100% more Twilight Sparkle. He wove his way between the stacks of old books and boardgames, to reach the bed where she was laying on her side, all six limbs wrapped around one of the pillows.

Night Light smiled his best ‘Daddy-will-make-it-all-better’ smile at Twilight and took a seat on the end of the bed. It creaked under his weight. “So, what’s wrong? Your mother didn’t give me much to work with before sending me up.” He patted her ankle. “I didn’t even hear you come in. I’ve been working on my model of the HMS Eclipse. You should take a look at it while you’re here. I’ve even gotten all the battle scarring painted now.”

Twilight sniffled again and glanced at him but kept her face buried in the pillow’s downy embrace. “Really?” Her voice was muffled when she spoke. “Even the burns from the broadsiding it took at the Battle of Cloudapolis?”

Night Light nodded smugly. “Photo-accurate too.”

Twilight blinked and raised her head. He could see tear streaks running down her cheeks and a redness around the edges of her eyes, but Twilight did seem genuinely interested. “That’s cool, dad.”

“Thank you. Now,” Night Light leaned closer to his daughter. “tell me what the problem is, sweetie.”

Twilight turned away and let her head sag into her cuddle-substitute. “It’s embarrassing, dad.”

“You sounded sad. I was worried you might be heartbroken over some colt.” Twilight pushed her face deeper into the folds of the pillow. Night Light blanched and cleared his throat. “I mean...you’re not, right? Am I going to have to beat somepony up? I’m not as young as I once was, Twi.”

Twilight crushed the pillow in her grip and her body shook with a sob. Or was that a...laugh? Night Light scratched his head. If it was Shining, I’d know the full story by now. Why did Velvet have to make Twilight my daughter this time?

His daughter shook her head again and finally lifted her head. He could tell she was thinking, doing just as he’s done before entering the room and mentally preparing herself for something difficult. She might have his wife’s muzzle and eyes, but she was his daughter, through and through.

Twilight bit her lip, pushing the pillow away, and rolled up into a sitting position. She shot him a glance and whisper. “I not heartbroken over some colt, dad. I need...I need the talk you gave Shining.”

Night Light blinked in confusion. “What? What talk? I haven’t spoken to your brother in almost a month now.”

“No, dad, I need…The Talk. Like the one you must have given to Shining when he started dating.” Twilight crumpled the blanket between her front hooves. He could see she was still working through whatever was embarrassing her. “I need you to talk to me like I’m a colt.”

“Uh…” Night Light blinked again. Not normal pony problems, a voice inside his head reminded him. “Um...ok? The Talk…”

He coughed and racked his mind over for the memories of that awkward conversation with his son from years past and the similar one he’d had with his own father decades before that. He hadn’t really been planning on having it a third time. Twilight nodded at him, her face brightening as he recentered himself.

“Well, sweetie…” Night Light grinned nervously. “I don’t want to get your hopes up, but the colt version of The Talk is pretty short. Basically, I told your brother to be careful who or what he put his stallion bits into. And that any foals he made, intentionally or otherwise, were his responsibility.”

Twilight groaned and seemed to deflate, sinking onto her belly on the bed and covering her face with her hooves. “Oh, c’mon! You mean there’s no instructions? No step by step diagrams of the how-to stick the stallion bits into things? What about hygiene? Maintenance? Troubleshooting?”

Night Light rocked back on the bed away from his daughter. “Er...no. You wash it with soap and warm water...try not to crush it or the boys - though some stallions like that sorta thing, which I never understood - that’s about it.” He gulped. “Why do you want to know that stuff? Surely there’s a book you could read about it?”

“Not the kind that I’d keep in my library!” Twilight huffed, blowing a stray strand of her mane out of her face. “All of my friends are mares, dad...I was too chicken to ask Shining and I’d die before I asked Spike! So...I asked mom. I thought, as an older mare with experience raising foals, she’d know some of this. But no! She had to pass the bit to you, and now here we are!”

Night Light scratched his head and sat there quietly. He still understand where this was coming from, or why Twilight needed a male perspective on normal use of a penis. “Um...why don’t you tell me why we’re having this conversation, Twilight. I might be your father, but I am still a stallion myself and sometimes we need things spelled out for us, or we end up sticking our hooves in our mouths and before you know it, we’re sleeping on the couch again and don’t know why.”

Twilight buried her face again and groaned in the same way her mother did when she thought he was supposed to understand her vague, indirect explanation of why she might potentially be mad at him for some minor- and in his opinion, pointless - infraction. She looked up again a moment later and frowned in that same unhappy and kinda angry way Velvet did after that kind of groan. It was uncanny.

“Dad, I need to know how a colt takes care of his dick because I idiotically cast a spell that I did not fully understand on myself.” Twilight flushed and sat up, spreading her legs apart to give him a full view down her body. “And now, I have my own dick until I can find a counterspell.”

Night Light felt his gaze being tugged inexorably toward Twilight’s exposed crotch. Just as she claimed, a purple phallus stood there proudly.

“I need to know what to do, dad, because it’s been hard for more than four hours now, and I think that’s a bad thing!”

Night Light nodded, slipping off the bed and took a step back. “Uh, that is a bad thing. The erection part, not you having a penis! You’ll always be my little girl, Twi.” He chuckled nervously. “Is a bad thing that I’m relieved it’s not bigger than mine?”

Twilight glared at him for a moment and then started to giggle and smile. She wiped her eyes with a hoof and closed her legs to hide away her new body part. “Oh goddess, daddy...that’s TMI...but no, not a bad thing.”

Night Light sighed and relaxed slightly. “Ok then. Let’s see about doing something with your...um...issue. Have you been this way since the spell was cast?” He gestured vaguely at Twilight’s lower body. “Hard, I mean.”

She shook her head. “No. I mean it started a little more than four hours ago. I miscast the spell late yesterday evening.”

“What were you doing four hours ago?”

Twilight looked away from him, her cheeks flushing again. “Um...I was with the girls at Vinyl Scratch rave party. Pinkie wanted to take notes on the execution and glow sticks...I think. Everything was fine until we were invited backstage to meet with Vinyl - I mean, I’ve already met her, she was at the wedding - and well, Pinkie took off to inspect the stage rigging and everypony else ran after her, except me. I was...alone...with Vinyl in her dressing room, discussing how she uses her magic to enhance her DJ skills and the music. It got really hot for some reason and Vinyl took off her glasses - she had really pretty eyes - and we got to talking about other things and then this just sorta popped up and I had to leave. It’s been that way ever since. I keep trying to think of a way to fix it and I keep getting interrupted by all these thoughts about Vinyl. The way she’s passionate for what she does, the way she looked up on stage, the way that thumping, rhythmic bass line made her flank shake.”

Night Light shook his head slowly. “Twilight...that’s...normal, I guess? I’m not one for techno, personally, but I know what it’s like when those flanks start shaking. I’m not a medical professional, but you might want to go see this mare again. She might be able to help out the old fashion way.”

Twilight, always the bright one, stared at him blankly for a long moment. Her eyes widened, her jaw falling open when realization of what her father was suggesting hit her. “I...dad...I, but she’s...we’re both...I...uh…” Twilight coughed. “Yeah...now that you mention that...that’s an avenue worth exploring.”

“Might as well try that first. If it doesn’t work, then we take you the hospital.” Night Light grinned.

Twilight nodded, more to herself than his advice, and climbed down off her bed. “I think I’ll go see Vinyl again...yeah.”

He patted Twilight on the shoulder and turned with her toward the door. “Oh, and a point on technique, sweetie? When you mount up, use a downward angled trust, or you might be in real trouble. I’m speaking from personal experience here. Unless this mare is into that, but you’ll want ask about that first, it’s the polite thing to do.”

10. Unnamed Skype fic 2

Author's Note

Written in the Twiluna group skype chat.

Skeeter the Lurker threatened me with violence if I didn't make this a fic. Who knows, maybe I will.

10. Unnamed Skype fic 2

Twilight bursts into the throne room in a flash of magic. She marches up to the throne where Luna sits. "Luna, I need the Moon!"

Luna raises an eyebrow. "Why?"

Twilight gestures behind her at a seasick-looking Rainbow Dash that is still getting her bearings after the sudden teleport. "This bitch doesn't belive I can move my shadow faster than the speed of light! I need the Moon for a demonstration."

Under Twilight's direction and Dash's barely contain tirade of complaints, Luna moved the Moon until it hung low in the sky directly above the castle. Her sister, having been roped into the situation by the purple menace, was casting a broad beam of sunlight directly at the Moon, highlighting it's features.

Twilight cackled madly in between loud explanations of the speed of light and the circumference of the Moon and how these ridiculously large numbers dictated the speed at which something could cross the surface of the Moon.

Dash continued to look ill as facts were shouted at her face. But the mare stood her ground, refuting Twilight's claim to be able to break the ultimate speed limit.

With a manic laugh, Twilight raised her hoof in front of Celestia's horn, casting an enormous shadow on the surface of the Moon. "Now watch, Rainbow-Not-So-Fast, as I blow your mind!"

RD crossed her hooves. "Even if this works - which it won't - I'm still not going to buy you lunch at Denny's."

"Shut up! I'm Scienceing!" Purplenerple giggled like an unhinged baboon and moved her hoof slightly. Upon the Moon above, her shadow followed, crossing the surface at superluminal speeds to reach the opposite edge. "Ta-Da!"

Everypony was silent for a long time. Finally, Luna looked at Twilight and asked. "Is that it? I'm pretty sure if I keep the Moon here any longer it's going to screw the tides up something fierce."

"And I don't want to repel another Seapony invasion." Celestia added tiredly.

"Yeah, sure." Twibutt frowned. "No one ever cares when I display the weaknesses of physics. Solve some old farts last spell, you get to be a princess. Prove that the laws of physics can be observational broken and you don't even get free dinner at Denny's WHEN YOU'VE CLEARLY WON A BET!" She glared at Rainbow Dash.

"You didn't even move, you dunce!" RD threw her hooves up in exasperation. "Stop being so salty! I'm sorry I compared your flying skills to that of a blimp, ok?"

"The proper term is 'zepplin.'"

"Oh my faust, nopony cares!" Dash yelled.

11. "$%!+, it's the fuzz!" Lightning prompt entry

Author's Note

Written for this collab in about an hour or so.

I tried posting this one as it's one stand alone, but it was shot down twice due to lack of MLP related content. I added about 700 more words to bulk up the MLP content, but apparently that didn't count. So here is the expanded version.

11. "$%!+, it's the fuzz!" Lightning prompt entry

12:37 a.m.
Approximately nineteen miles out from Powder Springs, Georgia [USA]

Shadows jumped as Officer Jerry Reynolds swept his flashlight over the field again. A couple of eyes, low to the ground, reflected the light back for a moment when an opossum looked his way before scurrying into the underbrush at the treeline. There were imprints in the soft dirt of some animal, but he couldn’t identify them in the light he had. Otherwise, this area of the pasture was clear.

“This is going to be one of those stories that gets passed around the precinct, I can jus’ tell.” He spit into the grass and turned around to carefully make his way back to his waiting patrol car and the cuffed drunk in the back.

Officer Reynolds dropped into his seat and took a moment to buckle himself in while he started the old Buick up. He radioed in the situation and backed up around the parked pick-up that was near the gate which lead to the chuckhole-filled, nameless access road, which in turn lead him back to 278 and the county drunk tank. The patrol car bounced over the shallow culvert and he hit the gas once the wheels were on the asphalt.

“Hey,” Reynolds looked into his rearview mirror at the disheveled man in the back, “why don’t you tell me what happened out there, Marty? We got a little bit of ride back into town.”

Marty stared out the window morosely and shrugged, which caused him to belch loudly. “You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Try me.” Reynolds grinned. “I’ve been doin’ this job for nigh on six years now and I keep hearin’ all kinds of stuff. Besides, you’re gonna have to give a statement once we get back in. Might as well get that part out of the way.”

Marty grunted and slumped in the back seat, bouncing along with the old Buick’s shocks over the rutted road.

“Why don’t you start by tell me why I got called off patrol for a report of gunfire, just to pick you up in the neighbor’s cowyard, at midnight, trying to stuff a recently discharged firearm in to yer truck with your pants around your ankles and smelling like the back room at a titty bar?”

The drunk narrowed his blurry eyes at that remark and turned his head to sniff at the shirt he was wearing. He scrunched up his nose and then leaned back to get as comfortable as the cuffs would allow him to. “My rifle went off accidentally.”

“Of course it did.”

“I mean it!” Marty’s eyes flashed, scowling. “The safety was off, I bumped it while I was trying to get my pants back up. Had it tipped on a stump. It fell down and went off.”

“Yer lucky to be alive then, Marty. Don’t look so sad!” Reynolds chuckled and shook his head. Up ahead he could see the fences on both sides of the road end as the access road merged with Sawgrass Way.

“I’m lucky the noise scared away the aliens. Coulda been abducted tonight.” Marty burped, loudly, for emphasis. “I saw the lights between the trees. I seen ‘em going on fer a week now. Told myself I was gonna get to the bottom of it. Do ya blame me for taking a gun?”

Officer Reynolds stopped at the end of the bumpy old asphalt. “Out here? Nah, I don’t blame you for that. But it ain’t hunting season, and you were on a neighbor’s property. It’s also Sunday night and this is a dry county, Marty.” He checked in the mirror on his door but the pastures behind him were dark beyond the reach of the patrol car’s brake lights. The sky was a slightly brighter than the land and he could just make out the silhouettes of a few horses. Or maybe they were cows. Hard to tell in the dark.

“What does that matter? It ain’t illegal to drink on Sunday, just buying.” Marty smirked. “I bought it last Friday, been sipping off the case of Bud since then. It’s not like I planned for this to happen while I was piss drunk.”

“I don’t expect you plan much of anything, do you Marty?” Reynolds hit the accelerator again and the car rumbled onto the smoother State-maintained tarmac of 278. “Still don’t tell me why you had your pants down. I was under the impression that the pants came off during the abduction, to better facilitate the probin’, rather than before it starts.”

“I..” Marty looked back out the window at the passing trees and distant houses that lorded over the patchy farmland of the north Georgia hills. He sighed and looked back toward the front. “I saw two aliens, Jerry. You ain’t gotta believe me, but I swear it’s true.”

“What did these aliens look like?” Reynolds kept his eyes on the black stripe of pavement. “Little grey men with the big eyes?”

“They had big eyes alright.” Marty chuckled to himself. “But they weren’t no little grey men. They looked sorta like horses, really.”

Officer Reynolds laughed and cracked his driver side window to let in the cool air and the smells of a late summer night. “Marty, that pasture you were in is zoned for mixed use. It has cows and horses in it!”

“I know that! But they wasn’t actually horses, Jerry, listen to me fer cryin’ out loud!” The drunkard rolled his eyes. “They looked kinda like horses. They had four legs, long necks, little pointed muzzle...mouth...things. Tails like one too. I didn’t get close enough to see if they had hooves too, but it sorta looked like it. One of ‘em, maybe both...I dunno...had wings and both of ‘em had like, a narwhal horn.”

“A what horn?”

“Narwhal, you know, long, pointy and kinda spinny. It’s some sort of fish.”

Officer Reynolds chuckled again, harder this time. “I know what a narwhal is, ya ‘git! But what yer describing sounds like a unicorn. My little girl has posters of them in her room. Your aliens look all majestic out there in the field?”

Marty burped again and grumbled an apology. “How is Katie doin’, anyway?”

“She’s just fine. Thanks for asking, Mart.”

“Good.” Marty paused, seemingly lost in thought for several seconds. The road rounded a corner, and for a moment, the glimmer of town lights and distant Atlanta came into view. The city vanished just as quickly as it appeared with the Buick followed 278 into a wide valley. “Unicorns could still be aliens, if they come from another world, right?”

“Uh...I guess so.”

Marty nodded to himself at that and straightened in the seat. “So, anyway, I been seeing lights through the trees. Colored lights that flashed at random times. Sometimes there was this buzz that I could feel in my teeth. I thought it was teenagers or something at first, ya know?”

Officer Reynolds snorted. “Understandable, I guess.”

The drunk leaned forward and squinted through the cage bars that separated him from the front of the cabin “You remember those reports over the news a few weeks ago ‘bout that school up north where they had that supposed alien visitation and the rainbow-colored lights? I read ‘bout that one. Lights all over the place, damage done to the school building. Some said it was a she-demon or something, but I don’t buy it. Satan’s got better things to do.”

“But it kept happening and I got this feelin’ something weren’t right at’all.” Marty flopped back in the seat. “So I went to scope it out. I knew I was onto something when I didn’t see any fresh tire tracks. It’s too far out for anybody to just...walk...ya know? I parked my truck away a bit and slipped into the treeline to get a good blind spot. Found me a deerstand and I waited for the show to start.”

Reynolds nodded and rolled the window down fully to rest his arm where the wind could hit it and cool him down. No sense running the AC when the Georgia weather was being cooperative. “How long you sit in the stand?”

Marty shrugged. “Maybe ‘bout an hour? Couldn’t tell ya cuz’ my phone died somewhere along the way or else I’d have pictures of the aliens. Prove to you an’ everybody else that they’re real.”

“Hmmph! Convenient.”

“Yeah...well, anyway, the lights started, right there in the middle of the field where there’s that dip? I can see it from my back porch. But there ain’t nothing out there to cause it neither. And before you think it’ll be funny, don’t go suggesting to me it was swamp gas! There ain’t even a creek back there.” Marty snorted. “Outta the lights walk these two horse alien things. They weren’t real big, understand. The biggest one was ‘bout my size, maybe? Iffin’ I was a horse. It was white colored, I think. But it had hair like some kid took a box of crayons and some glitter and colored a rainbow on the sky. It was like CGI in a movie.”

“Honestly?” Reynolds glanced back at his passenger in the rear view mirror again.

“Scout’s honor.” Marty bobbed his head back and forth, smugly. “The little one was purple, if I remember right. Had long dark colored hair that was all trimmed and neat.”

“What were they doing?” Despite himself, Jerry felt engrossed by the drunk’s tale.

“Well, they stepped out of the lights and then it got dark again. Those narwhal horns of theirs must be like fireflies or something, ‘cuz they lit up and then they set out a big red and white checkered sheet and a picnic basket. They even had a bottle of wine with ‘em, looked like one of the fancy kind you can get at the package store down on Sweetwater St.”

“Oh come on!” Officer Reynolds barked with laughter. “Jus’ when I thought you were going somewhere with this story, and the alien horses are having a picnic? Like with a real, honest-to-god picnic basket? Like, outta Yogi Bear?”

“Yeah, jus’ like the ones in the old cartoons!” Marty’s face lit up and he laughed along with Jerry. “I’ve never even seen one in real life, and then here comes a couple of horses with one out on a picnic. How’s them apples, huh?” Jerry didn’t answer as he was trying to catch his breath, so Marty continued. “So yeah, these horses...or maybe they were more pony-sized...aliens sit down and start talking. I could understand ‘em too. Thought maybe I had drunk the wrong stuff, and was hearing things again, or something when that happened. But it sure sounded like they was talkin’ in english.”

“What...heh...what were they going on about?”

Marty shrugged again. “I didn’t catch the whole thing. I was in that deerstand set back a pace when they started. But I know I heard ‘em talkin’ ‘bout a long weekend getaway and leaving someone called ‘Sunset’ in the care of someone else they called ‘Applejack.’”

“Like the drink?” Reynolds shook his head. Of course this all somehow still led back to alcohol.

“Maybe?” Marty glanced out the window at his side again as the traffic started to pick up and the lights from the city started to wash out the stars above. “I dunno, it was like a normal conversation. Like one our wives would have at a barbeque. Weird.”

“Weird doesn’t even come close to covering it, Marty. I still want to know why your pants were down ‘round yer ankles.”

“Uh...heh…” Marty cleared his throat and looked down at his lap. “Um, well, I couldn’t hear ‘em real good, so I climbed outta the stand and crept closer. I made it right up to the the edge of the field and hunkered down behind a log. The bigger, white horse with the weird hair was telling the little purple one that she was glad they could take a trip together. She sounded...I dunno...ya know how the ladies are like when they have those socials? Like that.”

“‘She?’” Reynolds flipped the old Buick’s blinker and shifted lanes to pass a meandering relic of a semi loaded down with crates of chickens bound for the processing plants. “So the alien was a girl horse? What about the little one?”

Marty made a sound that Jerry hoped was another belch. “Little one was a girl too. The big one called her ‘Twilight,’ I think. Never did catch the white one’s name.”

Reynolds wrinkled his nose when a foul odor wafted through the cab. He wasn’t sure if it was the chicken truck or the drunkard in the back, but he pushed the gas just a little harder to suck whatever it was out the window. “Ok, so, let me make sure I got this. You were investigating some lights, saw some alien horses that talked like plantation ladies and then took off your drawers because…?”

Marty shrank in his seat a little. “Well, after they talked for a bit ‘bout nothing in particular, they started eating what was in the basket. It was too dark by then to see real good, but their glowing horns kept them where I could see ‘em. The food smelled kinda good, actually. It just sorta floated into their mouths. They didn’t go for very long and then the horns went dark. I thought they might have just vanished...when I started hearing...well...hearing ‘girl noises.’”

“‘Girl noises?’” Reynolds frowned. “What does that mean?”

“Well, you know the noises the girls on those college spring break DVDs make?”

Reynolds coughed. “You mean the drunken hollerin’ part?”

“No, the part where they go back to the hotel room and start kissin’ an’ feelin’ each other up, Jerry. What other part would I be referring to, huh?”

Officer Reynolds cleared his throat awkwardly. “So, the horse-lesbian-aliens were makin’ out?”

Marty nodded and grunted. The patrol car topped the hill and the lights of Powder Springs lit up the car enough to reveal the blush on his cheeks. “Their horns started glowing again and I saw the whole thing. I...I was sorely confused, Jerry. They were horses, but they were also like people and the little purple one was on top and doing something I’ve only ever seen in porn to the big white horse. I’m sorry to say...it had an effect on me. I took my pants off cuz they started feeling tight when the purple one started pouring the wine from their bottle on the bigger one’s...well, you can guess.”

The old Buick was silent for a time. The road widened, traffic got heavier as they drew closer to the downtown area. “Long story short, when I was done, I stood up and knocked over my gun. The aliens panicked and then the lights started flashin’ again and this hole in the sky opens up - and Lord as my witness - there was this whole other world on the other side of it, Jerry. Colors like you wouldn’t believe and what looked like more of them horse-things, some of ‘em were ever wearing armor. I didn’t want to get abducted, so I grabbed my rifle and ran back into the woods. Then the light went dark again and I waited in a bush for a bit to throw ‘em off my trail. When it felt safe, I made a run for my truck as best I could with my pants down, and that’s where you picked me up.”

Jerry Reynolds rolled his window up and sighed. “Jeezus, Marty.”

“Please don’t tell my wife, ok?” Marty looked wretched in the back, his voice soft. “Thanks for letting me zip up before you cuffed me, Jerry. I appreciate that.”

“Say nothing of it, Mart.” Jerry shook his head again and turned the old car into the precinct car lot. “Please, say nothing of it.”

13. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chonicles: Part 1

Author's Note

This was written in Skype, and written intentionally bad. I did so as a challenge to a non-native English speaker...so...have fun trying to piece it together.

Now with a Reading!

13. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chonicles: Part 1

the Adventures of Twilestia, BPLLF, the Skype Chronicles

A very fluff Twilight Sparkle walks up to a very fluffy Celestia. Twilight says, "Hey, let's lesbians."

Celestia says, "Why?"

Twilight says, "Cuz I did the science and it says we are very cute together."

"Ok," Celestia says, "but can't we just cuddle?"

"Well, Iguess we can." Twilight shruggs fluffily. "But I wants to lesbian with you because I loves you."

"Oh? That is nice, Twilight. I loves you too."

"Then we can lesbians?" Twilight jumped for happy.

"Yes, but you must promise to tell no pony!"

"Why not?"

"Because I love only you and I do not like sharing you." Celestia blushed. "Also, I really like the freaky stuff."

And so fluffy Celestia and fluffy Twilight lesbianed intothe sunset to cuddle and do freaky stuffs forever.

But one pony was not happy. Sunset Shimmer was fluffy too and she wanted to freaky cuddle too.

The end?

Sunset Shimmer did the hohoho laugh that girl villains do in anime as she stood against the combined lesbianism of Twilestia(Twilight and Celsetia). "You foals! You cannot win! I am greater lesbian than you with my mare-chasing manecut, my moderator status on a LGBTQ community blog and my love of baseball!"

Twilight fell to the ground with a gasp. "She is right! We cannot win!"

"No!" called Celestia, "her lesbian is strong, but together, we are more!"

Twilight jumped up! "You're so domme! I will combine my lesbian strength with yours!"

"W will decorate our apparment in all rainbows!"(A/N: they got an apartment together in manehattan)

"We will own tiny doggies!"

"We will listen to the Dixie Chics and Tango on repeat!"

"We will unite all ponies within our nation of love!"

Light flashed and they did a dance to gether that was very cute and when it was done there stood a single mare: Twilestia, champion of Lesbians with hher pink vibrating double sword!

"Sunset Shimmer! You are going down!"

Sunset shimmer took a step back in the face of the ultimate cuddle technique but she smiled fircely. "The only way I'm going down is if you take me to dinner first!"

"Well then have, at you!" Twilestia charged and they started sexy cuddle fighting!

In the next gripping chapter: They go to dinner! What will happen next???

14. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 2

Wehn last we left our gloriously gay duo, they were sharing a body as one, in the form of Twilestia, Ultimate Lesbian! They faced their greatest enemy yet, the Super Lesbian Sunset Shimmer! Sunset talked a good game, but Twilestia had other plans for that wicked tongue: tortellinni!

"How isd your pasta?" Twilestia asked like a sexy beast.

"Its" Sunset pushed the noodles around with her fork and then looked up. "AL DENTE!"

tWIlestia chuckled. "Yes! You will enjoy it, as well as this selection of wines I prepared earlier!"

"No!" Sunset Shimmer gasped as she fell to the floor. "This dinner...its to good!"

Twilestia just smiled.

"You havent seen nothing yet."

That's when the music started to play and Sunset cried. "Hall n' Oats? How did you know my weaknesses??"

I am part Twilight, you remember." Twiliestia giggled. "I went to human school with you so I know everything about you. I checked your facebook."

"No!!"

Twilestia leanded down and offered Sunbset a glass of chardiney. "Its ok, Sunset. I am the greatest lesbian. I will show you how to lesbian and make you more powerful."

"Why do this!"

"Because..." Twilestia smileded & leanded closer to wispeer. "I love you twice."

"How is this posssible?" Sunset cried becuz she was twice happy. "I don't under stand!"

Twilestia kissed her and broke into two pnoys, Celestia and Twilight! They both kissed Sunset hard and Twilight slipped her some tongue but it was a secret. Celestia secretly more tongue and Twilight too!

Then sunset Shimmer learned to lesbian harder than before and she transformed to SS2!(Sunset Shimmer 2) Her hair got spikier and she got a little leather captains cap that only hardcore lebians wore. She held her whie-tingie up and spanked Twilight for slipping her tongue in.

Celestia escaped and used her magic to defeat SS2!

The tallest pone stood over susnsset and glared at her. "Now that you have been defeated to deinner twice, you will go down, Sunset Shimmer!"

"Yes." Sunset hunger her head sad. "I will but you must teach me the technices to be a very better lesbian! I am a great lesbian and I must lesbian harder than any one!

"Only if you pleas me, Sunset!" Celestia smiled. "But first you must plkease....Twilight Sparkle!"

Sunset gasped. "If I must.......I will."

Twilight smiled too but she suddenly looked at Celestia. "Wait! But I can only do that with you! Don't you love me??!"

Celestia said nothing. Celestia smiled and nodded. "Yes."

After defeating the surprisingly limber Sunset Shimmer, Master-level Lesbian, Twilight and Celestia must face thier greatest opponent yet! Jailtime! But who is the mysterious warden of lesbianjail? What was the crime? Will Celstia be accused of chasing jailbait Lesbian Twilight??

All these questions and more in the next hrilling chapter of Twilestia, Best Lesbian Besties forever!!

15. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 3

15. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 3

When last we left our sHeros, Sunset Shimmer had been defeating after a pleasant dinner with pasta and wine. Very lesbian classy wine. Twilight, using her super awesome lesbian powers made the naughty Susnet kneel in submission!

But all is not well in Lesbian Capitol City!

Too much wine has made them sleep in and when Celestia + Twilights awakens, they find themselves in behind bars!

Stay tuned for thrilling adventure: Twilestia in Jail! Oh how the cagged birdicorn sings!

Celestia oppened her eyes and looked around. She gapsed! This was not her beautiful bedroom! This was not her beautiful house! This was beautiful jail!

How did she get in jail? Was she a criminal? What crimes did she does?!

Celestia jumpped to her hooves and ran to the bars on her jaoil and shook them hard. It wasnot a dream! It was real.

"Oh no!" Celstia gasped. "What is going on? How did I ghet here??"

Suddenly a door opened. Down the hall(in front of Celestia's jail) came the warden! The warden was as tall as Celestia and really pretty and sexy too in the warden costume. Celestia didn't care! She cared becuase the warden had Twilight in her magic and floated Twilight down the hall.

Warden! What have you done to Twilight?!" Celestia yelled.

The warden stopped at Celestia;s jail and tipped back her hat to reavael that is was none other than NIGHTMARE Moon! Nightmare Moon grinned and tossed Twilight in another jail that was smaller and less nice than Celestia's jail.

"Greetings Celestia! You are awkre."

"Yes." Celestia whispered. "Why am I and Twilight in Jail?:"

"Simple! You broke the law!" Nightmaremoon laughed and showed sharp theeth. "Because of that, you my prisoners!"

"What law did we break??" Twilight woke up. "We are not criminals." "And I know all the laws, so we could not break them."

'ha," Nightmare laughed again.

"I'm pretty sure Twilight nkows the laws. She is very smart." Celestia pointed out and Twilight blushed at the compliment.

Nightmoon keept laughing. "I don't care if she knows laws! You both broke one and now you are criminils and you go to jail when you are crinimals."

"Don't we get a trial??" Twilight gasped.

"No!!" The sexy warden laughed. "I'll check back on you after I go check on other lawsbreakers in sector D which is on the other side of the jail and has lots of tough lesbians. You are not there because your lesbian powers aree too strong!"

TYhe warden left after a few minutes.

"Now whatr will we do??" Twilight cried. "I ama criminal!"

"It's ok. We will escape while The warden is away."

"But how??" Twilight cried more.

Celestia hung her head. "I do not know."

Suddenlt a key popped up through the floor metal grate. Somepony mysterious said, "Here. Use this to escape jail."

"But," Twilight gasped. "Who are you?"

"A friend." Said the floor metal grate.

Celestia used her magic to take the key and unlocked their chains! She unlocked the doors too. "Thank you who ever you are?" "Come Twilight, it is time to escape jail."

Thankfully the guards didn't see them at all and they made it outside the jail and back to Canterlot Lesbian Capitol City!

"That was close!" Twilight hugged Celestia. "We should never break the law again and go back to jail."

Celestia nodded. "But we are not done. We must rescue the tough lesbians in section D! We must become Twilestia, Ultimate Champion of Lesbianisms and rain down wrath on the jail and the warden!"

"But is that right? What if those tough lesbians are all like Sunset Shimmers?"

Celestia shook her head. "Then we will defeat them too and drink a lot of classy wine."

So they danced and the light fgot bright. When the smoke cleared there stood Twilestia! Spreading her lesbian wings she flew into the sky over the jail.

"Come out and face us in Lesbian sexy combat, Warden Moon!"

The warden didn't answer them but she burst out of the ceiling anf flew up to meet them. "I will beat you and put you in jail."

"I'd like to see you try!!" Twilestia went on the attck!

Next time on Lesbian Cornor: They fight. Who will win? Who will lose? Will Twilestia be beaten and taken to jail?? Find out next time1

16. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 4 AND 5

When we last left our heroines they had just escaped from Lesbian Jail and the warden of lesbians, NightnareNoon! Sexy Nightmare Moon busted the ceiling to fight and Twilight merged with Celestia to become Twilestia, UltraLesbians!

We join them now in the sky above Captiol City of Lesbians!

"Warden, let my Lesbians go!" Shoutted Twiliestia. "They should be free and not in jail!"

"Ha!" Nightmare moon giggled. "They are all law breakers!"

"You keep saying that! I do not think it means the thing you think it means."

"lesbian is.........against the law!" Nightmare laughed really loud. "You are all guilty!

Twiliestia ghapsed.

"This is not possible, I know all the laws and I do not know that laws!" Twilight doubted herself and Twilestia shook into pieces.

Twilight fell really fast and almost hit the floor but she was saved in alicornmagics stuffs. But!! It was not Ceslestia;s magic stuff, it was Nightmare Moons! Celestia cried loud and flew with her wings really hard but NMM was two fast! She pulled Twiligh close to her and then she smiled villianly.

"Poor sister! You cannot win. Without Twilight you cannot be Twilestia!" Night smiiled really mean. "Now I shall combined with her and we will become........TWILUNA!!!"

cELESTIA gappeds.

Nightmare Nonno did the magic and suddenly she became Twiluna the Extra-Ultra Lesbian! "Now deer sister, you will fail and I will be the most awesmonest lesbian!"

Celestia fell to the ground and landed on her feet. She hung her head and cried. "How will I beferat her now? How will I get my sdext Twilihght pony back?!"

Suddenly the rubble of Lesbian Jail shifted and the mysterious friend climbed out. It was Cadance! (But a cooler Cadance with REAL POWERS, ok??) Celestia! We must combine our lesbian popwers!"

Why!""

"Because it is the only way to save Twilight!" Cadance flexed her lesbian muscles. "Together we can be Cadanctia!"

"Why not Celestance"? Celestia yelled with sadness.

"Either works." Cadance shrugged."We must act quick or Twiluna with bring forever night! I love Twilight too!"

Celestia cried. "I loves her first."

"I know!" "But that can wait, becuz we both love her and need to save her from Nightmnare Warden!"

Celestia nodded and started tio dance with Cadence and then they lesbianed and became Celestance!, The unexpected Lesbian of Sunlove!"

In the next chapter, Sunlove versus Moonmagic! Who is the most lesbians??

When last we left there was stuff of hoof in Lesbian Capitol City! The tough Lesbians jail exploded and broke to rubble when sexy Warden Nightnaremoon busted the ceiling when she went to fight Twilestia, the biggest Lesbian horse! Nightmare Moons pulld a dirty trick and she stole Twilight! Celestia gasped while she sucked Twilight off and becamed Twiluna! Celestia was defeated pretty bad and she felled to the ground and cried a bunch and stuff.

But!

Celestia didn't know Cadance was there! She loved Twilight. So they got together and became Celestiance, the pinkest Lesbian ever! Now, we join them as they go to fight super sexy Twiluna again!

Celesia looked inside herself at Cadance and smilled. "Do you have a plan?"

Cadance nodded but it was a secret plan so she didn't talk. Celestia nodded too and smillled. "I hope it was a good one."

Twiluna laughed really loud and covered her mouth like a villain land because she is one. "It don't matter that you teamed up with Cadance, Cestia! You will still lose to me and my awesome lesbian power!" She didn't waste time. She powered up a beam of pure Lesbianisms and shoot it right at Ceslestiance! Ceslestiance dodged it hard and did a spin in the air while her wings flapped fast. "You missed!"

Celestiance charged up her own powers and shot THRREE beams of power lesbian at Twiluna but she missed.

"Cabance! What is the plan!? I need to know!" Celestia yelled inside her head where Cadance was at in mind because their bodies where one.

"You won't like it."

"Why not? What is the plan?" Celestia talked. "Twiluna is powerful and I don't want to get failed again."

"I know Celestia, I love Twilight too, so here is thew plan. We get close and then we kiss her to wake Twilight up!"

You were right." Celestia gasped. "I do not like that plan! Twiluna is my sister and that would be grooss. Don't be gross Cadance."

"Don't worry, I have another plan." "Ok, but it better be a good plan this time!" Celestia cried inside so Twiluna didn't sees it.

Twiluna grolwed really loud and hurt everypony's ears cuz it waas sooooooo loud! She was mad that Celestiance dodged her power, so she got MORE power and beamed it straight at lesbians. Celestiance dodged it again! Almost but not enough and burned her wing cuz of the hotness. So she flapped her wings hard and flew right at Twilunascreming! Twiluna shooted more lesbeams but they hit and didn't stop Celestiance so she got scared.

When they got close Cadance told Celestia her secrect secret plan and they broke up. Just in time cuz it surprised Twiluna and Cadance kissed Twiluna on the lips and sexed her tongue to TRwiluna's mouth cuz it was hot. Twilight felted the love deep ind=side Twiluna and woke up! That made the NightmareMonn warden again and she fell down when there was a big flash of light!

Suddenly there was Twidance, Lesbian champion of Magic Loves! She used Twilight's lesbian magics to make her wings super fast and Cadance's lesbian Love to hit Nightname Moon reaaly super hard and slam the warden into the ground while Celestia watched. Celestia cried a little cuz it was her sister but she was bad so it was ok.

When the smoke blew away, Twidance and Celestia stood on top of the jail and looked down into the hole Nightmare Warden made. It was a deep hole. In the bottom Nightmare Moon turned back into Luna who is a good princess, so Celestia picked her up and gave her a sensu bean to power her back to life.

Tia......." Luna moaned. "What happened?"

"You were Nightmare Moon again!" Celestia whispered. "Twidance kicked the evil out og you though."

"Cool" Luna nooded.

Twidance smiled and walked up to Luna. "Now that you are not evil anymore Luna, we can be lesbians togetehr again." Then Cadance broke up with Twilight. Twilight cuddled Celestai and smiled when Cadance cuddled Luna. "Aren't they cute?"

Celestria nooded. Yes, they are cute."

Luna cuddled Cadance and sighed cuz she was tired and dirty. "Who wants to orgy now that the tough lesbians are all free from lesbian jail?"

Twilight and Cadance raisded their hooves and so did Celestia but she whispered "You stay on yourside, ok? I'm not sharinf Twilight again."

That made Luna kinda sad, but she understands.

17. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 6

When last we left our heros they was having peace in the ruined Lesbian Jail. Cadance merged with Celestia to defeat the bad warden Twiluna who was really Moonlight! Celestiance won the fight when they broke up and Twilight formed Twidance with Cady! They beat the evil out of Nightmare Moon and she became sweet and sexy Luna who is Celestia little sister and a big time lesbian too.

They landed in ther middle of all the free lesbians and Luna said they could have an orgy.

We join our heros now, surrounded by lots and lots of mares kissing!

===

Celestia sighed happy as she hugged Twilight to heer. Twilight sighed too and yawned too. Celestia held Twilight with her wings and laid down so they could regain lesbian strength and powers to become Twilestia, Majestic Lesbian Warroir! She smiled asTwilight kissed her cheek. "I am glad you are back and not still part of Twidance or Moonlight."

"I am tired." Twilight laughed. "I used up all my lesbian today three times."

That is alot!" Clestia laughed too. "I am not as tired. I combined with Cadance to save you and fight Nightmare warden moon." "I am sorry I combined with her."

"Don't worry about it. I did too so we are even."

"We must gain our strenght back." Celestia pulled Twilight close and hugged her as the cried of pleasure echoed around them from all the mares. "We must be close."

"I know." Twilight coo'd. "But.........."

"But what?" Celestia stroked Twilight's mane with her hoof.

"But I want more." Twilight sighed happy and kissed the side of Celestia's neck. "I want to go..............all the way."

Celestia gasped! Going all the way meant that they would regain all their power really fast! But it meant more than cuddling and smootching. I t made Celestia blush really hot! Twilight usualy only liked to cuddle when other ponies might see them! sHE LOOKED AROUND at the lesbians arounf them and they seemed ok with it. They were kissing and petting each other a lot. It was really hot and sexy!

Twilight tugged on Celestia's mane and when she looked down Twilike kissed her on the mouth with her tongue. Celestia gasped and fell on her back! Twilight climbbed ontop of her and smiled at her really cute and hot. "Celestia, I want you."

"I want you too Twilight."

Twilight nodded and kissed her again with ehr tongue and lips. Then she started to kiss down her neck and over her gloden armor. "Twilight! I love you!"

"I love you too!" Twilight kissed her harder and it was really hot and then she started to go down her body and smootched and kissed her a lot everywhere. Celestia stearted to moan and twist with pleasure as Twilight got lower and lower and lower! She arched her back as Twilight went all the way and made her gasped and yelled. Celestia rolled around but Twilight wouldn't stop and started to do things she only did on speacial occasions like birthdays and annivarseries. Celestia could feel the lesbian building in her until it burst from her like a wave and soaked Twilight in Lesbian power!

Twilight licked her lips and yummed. "Did I do it right?"

"You always do it right. Twilight you are the best pony for me." Celestia smiled at Twilight and hugged her so that the Lesian washed on them both. "I taught you everthing aI know. Where did you learn that thing with your tongue?"

"Cadance taught me." Twilight blushed and pointed at where lUNA and Cady where kissing but not on the mouths. "She showed me that when we merged in to Twidance."

Was it fun?" Celestai asked. "Yes, I was fun when I mearged with her."

Twilight nodded again. "I wanted to surprise you with it."

Did you learn anythig from my sister while you were merged with Nightmare Warden?" Celestia blushed.

"Yes!" Twilight pointed at Luna & Cady again and they where kissing with their mouths( but NOT ON THEIR mouths, hot!) but not on their moths. "I learned that too.!"

Celestia blushed and felt more lesbians inside. She l;aid down and then started kissing Twilight not on her mouth. It was so hot!

===

but not all the lesbians were alone. There was a SHADOW that snuck arounf like a sneak. The shadow growed out of the ruind Jail and smilled. "Soon Twilestia, soon. I will have my revenge on you and all lesbians! I will make you beg! I will do stuff to make you crazy and then there will be no more Super Warrior Lesbian, Twilestia!"

18. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 7

18. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 7

When last we left our horses, they were doing the lesbians in a crowd of lesbians!

Twilight was totally recharged after combining with like, everypony. Celestia was topped off anf feeling good. But a dark shadow lurked in the shadows!

The shadow glared at the horse lesbians from its hiding spot. "You think you're soooooo sexy, but you aren't! I will prove you to be less sexy then me." The shadow flew away but was still hiding so the ponies that escaped lesbian jail didn't see it head back to Canterlesbian City.

In the city, it snuk into a basement and pushed a secret button to reveal a hidden tunnel that nopony knew about. It was dark and scary looking but it didn't bother the shadow. It could see in the dark! The shadow closeed the door and ran down the tunnel to it's secret lair base where lots of minions waited. "Soon, my minions, we will control all of Canterlot Lesbian capitol city! We will be the masters!"

"Uh...wouldn't we be mistresses?" The minon on her left said in a loud whispered that the shadow could totes hear. "I mean, grammatically..."

"Yes, we would be mistresses if you want to be technical." The shadow sighed and turned on the lights. "Everything is ready. Let's get started with the plan. Bring me the prisoners!"

MEANWHILE in the ruins of Lesbian Jail: Celestia blushed and smilled as Twilight slunk low to the ground, her belly sliding over the ground as she crawled over to where Luna and Cadance cuddled with each other in their sleep. Twilight used her magics to pull a stick over to her as she got closer. She wiggled her hips to seduce Celestria and make her crawl sexy and hot. When she got close Twilight lifted the stick to tickle Cadance's nose.

Cadance groaned in her sleep but didn't wake up! She was having a sexy dream about Twilunadance, the Theoretical Lesbian, and she didn't like having her nose tickled. She swatted at the stick and then cuddled Luna tighter. Luna cuddled her back really hard too. It was very cute. Twilight tickled Luna's nose and she tried to scratch it but her hooves her held by CAdance and she couldn't reach. That made Luna sneeze and waked them up!

"Twilight?" Cadance blinked and looked at Luna. "Luna?"

"Hey." Twilight giggled and highhoofed Cadance. "wHEN you are ready, go train and then you two can join us as Caduna!"

"I prefer Lunance." Luna giggled too and kissed Cadance on the lips. "I have my lesbian strength back better than before."

"That's becuz of my special swirly technique!" Cadance laughed and smilled at Twilight and Celestia.

"Celestia blushed again.

"I used that too on Celestia." Cadance and Twilight high hoofed agfain and eveypony laughed.

"Let's fly to the castle!"

The shado smirked at her prisoners, Fluttershy and Applejack! "You are Twilestia's favorite friends. You will tell me her secrets."

"No we won't." Applejack kicked her legs but the rope tied her to a chairand she wiggled.

"Buck you!" scramed Fluttershy who had turned into flutterbat cus it was night time. Flutterbat talks now but she cusses some but not a lot, it depends, maby. "AJ CAN'T LIE so that means buck you!"

19. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 8

When last we left our herogirls...I don't remember so we're just going to start, ok?

In the underground lair of the shadow ponything that is the badguy, two minions, Minion One and Minion Two, stood outside a really impressive looking metal door. They are guards, ok?

Minion One sighed and looked at Minion Two. "They have been in there a long time."

"Maybe we should check on them?" Minion2 opened the slot in the door that you can look through. "Uh oh."

What??" Mininon1 gasped.

"The boss hass AJ dressed in a maid dress."

Minion1 gapsed again.

"Flutersky is dressed as a sexy gladiator. She is getting spanked by the boss." Minion Two blushed hot. "Lucky mare."

"How does this get us anything to help beat Twilestia, the superest Lesbian of all?" Minion 1 banged her hoof hard on the floor. It was pretty loud and Minion 3 yelled at them to keep it down cuz she was trying to get some sleep in the bed room.

"I dunno, but the boss knoes."

======================================================

MEANWHILE in Lesbian City Canterlot, snuggling was ahoof!

Twilifhgt Sparkle, student of Celestia and protector of owls and books and things was reading a book! But she was not just reading a bokk. Twilight was being held in Celestia's arms on the throne and she was reading fanfiction out loud! It was pretty choice fanfiction about cool magics and lots of lesbian hu-mans doing sexy stuffs with magic and stuff. It was called EQG: Lesbian Highschool Magic Classes.(IT'S NOT REAL, DON'T FLAME--AN)

Celestia laughed at a funny joke in the book and hugged Twilight hard. "I am glad we recharged all our poweres Twilight, and now we can combine into Twiliestia and beat any badguys that come." "I love listening to you read in your sexy nerd voice."

Twilight blushed hard amd hugged Celestia back but she was sad. Twi cried. "But my friends are gone! I have you but now they are gone and I just found out it happened a long time ago."

"Yes." Celkestia petted Twi nicely. "We will find them I am sorry."

Twi stopped crying and blew her nose but in a cute way, not a grosas way, ok? She smillled at Celestia and jumped up into her lap. "Let's go find them, now!"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm tired." Celestia yawnewd but Twilight knew it was faker. "Whyu not go do it now, Celestia? They are my friends and you would look for your frioends."

"Yes, btu not now!"

"Why????" Twilight asked.

"You will know soon, I promise." Celestia hugged Twilight hard again and she stopped crying again and they kissed on the lips.

==========

Back at the shadow's place, Applejack lay on the torture bed(It's just called that, not really torture) and was really tired. Fluttershy was there too but she was less tired. They wore kimonos now and the Shadow boss was there and she was wereing something like a cross between a Power Ranger and a sport mascot costume, but sexy.

"Have you had enough?" The shadow laughed.

AJ shook her head. "Is that all you got? I've had better lesbians with Dash while she was asleep."

"Oh, burn!" Fluttershy whispered.

"We'll see about that! You will tell me what I want to know if I have to lesbians you both all day and...ALLNIGHT TOO!" The shadow boss laughed again and mInion 3 yelled again cuz she was still trying to sleep in the next room.

===============================================+++===

At the castle of Lesbians, Twilight and Celestia had dinner with Luna and Cadance. Luna and Cadance sat next to each other and held hoofs while they ate oats. Twilight and Celestia sat together too and thought it was really cute. They ate cucumbers and bananas and hay. Celestia drank juice and tapped on her glass with a spoon.

"I call to order the first meeting of the Canterlot Princesses Lesbian Committee." She smiled. "First we must discuss what we will do about any new threats to Canterlot and our little pony lesbians. I vote that we do magic at it and stopp it from being bad."

"I say we should talk to it." Cadance offered. "We don't have to fight all the time. It ruins my hair."

"I agree with Cadance." Luna nooded.

"She has a point." Twilight rubbed her chin and chewed on hay. "But I always solve problems by blewing up it's face."

Luna hmm'ed. "Maybe we could try talking first and then you blew up it's face?"

Celestia nodded. "Ok, that's how we do it. Next order of business: should there be a curfew for orgies?"

======

The shadow looked at Canterlot Lesbian City and smiled. "Soon, Twilestia, we will meet on the field of battle and I will prove to you I am the greater lesbian warrior that ever was!" She lafted and looked down. "I'sn't that right, my minions?"

Minion Apple Jack nodded. Minion Shy flexed her lesbian armor. "Yes Mistrerss. You are the greatest lesbian EVER!!!"

20. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chornicles: Part 9

When last ew leftour heorhorses, they were talking about boring gov’t stuff. Cadance successfully lobbied for a hugs day holiday but that was the most interesting part. There was hardly any snuggling!

Suddenly the wall exploded.

Celetisa and Luna gapsed ad Twilight and Cadance yelled loud as they jumped under the table!

“What is going on?!” Twilight yelled as the wall fell in the room. There were wall pieces everywhere, it was a mess. Cadance covered her head with her hooves.

“I don’t know! Are we under attack?”

“Yes.” Said a voice in the cloud of smoke from the exploded wall. Out of the cloud walked the shadow! Now that they could see her, they knew it was Queen Chryalis! The bug queen laughed and her wings buzzed happily!

“Chryalis!” Celestia snarled! “You’ve returned after many years.” “Why now?!”

“Because I have come to steal all your wifus! Also, destroy you.” Chryalis did her evil laugh. It was loud but she’s really good at it. “Oh, and a 3rd thing: I will take control of Canterlot Lesbian City!!”

Everypony gasped. Twilight and Cadance jumped out from under the table and ran to Celestia and Luna’s sides. Celestia put her wing over Twilight. “We should combine.”

“Not so fast!” Queenchryslis buzzed her wings hard and blew the smoke out. Standing behind her was Apple jack and Fluttershy dressed as maids!

“What have you done?” Luna scremed.

“I have maid these ponys mine. If you try to stop me, you’ll have to go threw them.”

“But they are my friends.” Twilight pointed. “They won’t help you!”

Chrysalis said nothing and raised an eyebrow(it’s really a bug antenna). Applejack stepped forward and smiled big and happy. “I work fer the Mistress now, Twi. I’m going to help her stop your reign of terror.”

Fluttersky noded and stayed back. “Um…me too.”

“How will you stop us?” Cadance pointed at AJ. “You don’t even have rope!”

“Everypony form up now! Let’s squash the bug.” Celestia said and started to cuddle for Twilight.

Suddenly Applejack stood up and lifted her maid shirt very slowly. She blushed cuz it was sexy and she still had her rope, but it was tied up on her body in bondage knots.

Luna gasped and fell to the floor. “No……not Nipponies style bondage…………my weakness!”

Queen Bug Chrysalis did her laugh again. “No pony is going to stop me!”

Twilight reached for Celestia so they could transform too when Fluttershy made a quiet sound. Everypony stopped and looked at her. She blushed too and spread her wing, but she didn’t have feathers! She was flutterbat!

Celestia felled with a gasped too. “No….not flutterbat…………………my weakness!”

Twilight gapsed. “Ohno! Quick, Cadance, we must become Tiwdance!”

Cadance didn’t say anything cuz she was felled down too. Flutterbat stuck out her tongue and it was reeeeeeeeeeally long! That’s Cadances weakness spot.

Twilight looked around and pointed her horn at Chyslas. “I will still fight you.”

“Nope.”

Twilight gasped again. “Why not??”

Chrysalis smiled and stood up on her hind legs and showed twilight her the somewhat giant size stallion bits she had. “Behold my surprise futa attack!”

“Ew! No hetro!” Twilight tried to look away or close her eyes but she couldn’t. “What’s wrong?”

Hhahahahahahahah! Isn’t is clear? I poisoned your food!” Chrysalis smilled again. “Now you are not lesbian, you are bi-sensual!”

“But……..but…our food was made by…….” Twilight felt sick. She wanted to look away but she could not. Was this the end of her study of the magic of lesbians? “……Pinkie…..!”

Twilight wobbled on her hooves and everything went black.

21. Tinny Lesbain Storys: Teh Skype Chronic: Part 10

When last we lef hour horse, everything looked dire! Bugqueen Chrysalis used dirty tricks to defeat all the princesses cuz she’s a Queen and that’s higher than Princess(even when there is for princesses, duh.)

High above Canterlot Lesbian City in the ivory tower Twilestia once called home, Twilight Sparkle writhed and called for help!

“Help!” Twilight cryed hard but no one came. Quuen chrysalios laughed and turned around, knocking over a vase with her non-standard marestallion parts. “No one will help you!”

Cyrsalis walked toward the bed(Twilight was tied to it) and knocked over a lamp. “It’s hard to walk with this thing.”

“What are you goin todo?” Twilight tried to look out the window but she was mindcontroled into looking at it cuz of the poison in her food(see last chapter beflore the last chpt, ok??)

“I am going to rule this city and all the mares will flock to my thingie!”

“That’s evil!” Twilight tried to get away but the bed sheets where tide to her legs. She teleported by Chrysalis stopped her by slapping her horn. “Ew!!! It touched me!”

Twilight sparkle passed out.

Meanwhile in the secret dungeons of Lesbian City Canterlot, the other prinecessss were in a cell!

“We must escape.” Said Cadance. “I can’t stay in prisom, My face is too pretty for it.”

Luna nodded. “Cadance is right. We must.” “W e can use magic!”

“Oh no ya didn’t!” Applejacks stood up in the hallway still dressed like a maid and lifted her shirt to show the ropes.

Luna fell down. “Hhhhhnnnggggggggg……..my heart!”

“We will nere escape.” Cadance moped and wa s sad.

“Yes we will!” Yelled Celestai quiely from the next cell.

“How? Do we pplan?”

“Yes, I have a plan.” Celestia smilled through her bars. “W will overcome our weakness spots.”

Meanwhile, meanwhile back up in the tower, Twilight woke up alone. She sighed and tried to pull free btu she was too weak! She tried again but she was even more tried.

Suddenly Twilight heard the door open. She looked up and it was……Pinkie!

“Hiya, Twi!” Pinkie Pie waved from the doorway and then bounced into the room. “I brought you a snack!”

“Get back!.....traitor!!” Twilight struggled.

Pinkie paused at the foot of the bed and blinked in confusion. “What, why? Also, how are you talking like that? I swear you said a short sentence and then paused for effect and called me a traitor – while in the same sentence you ended before the pause! I’m impressed with the sheer incorrect audacity of it!”

Pinkie grinned and came around the edge of the bed and held up a platter of pink frosted éclairs. “Behold! My latest culinary masterpiece, Pinkie Pie’s Long Pink Pastry!” She tilted the platter to give Twilight a better look. “It’s specially made with the finest sugary-sweet ingredients Canterlot has to offer as well as my own blend of herbal supplements for energy, alertfulness and joint health!”

“You poisoned it.” Twilight groaned reaaly loud. “You betrayed lesbians ponies eveywhered”

“Wow, you misspelled two easy words there, Twilight.” Pinkie set the platter of éclairs on the bedside table. “Maybe you’re like really sick or something?”

She put a hoof lightly against Twilight’s forehead. “You don’t seem like you’re feverish. Have you eaten anything weird recently?”

Twilight tried tomoove way from Pinkie but she was tired. “Only ate what you fixed. QUEeen Chrsyalis told us you poisoned it for her. We…..were beaten and she waved her weird dude bits in my face and I couldn’t stap lookin cuz you!!!!”

“Sheesh, Twi, calm down. There isn’t any reason to use that many exclamation points.” Pinkie Pie smiled warmly and reached for Twilight’s arm and started to undo the knot. “I never poisoned your food. I TOLD Chrysalis that I did, but really, I was baking it into the rations for her minions.”

Pinkie giggled and tugged loose the sheets that held Twilight.

Twilight pulled her hoof close and lookd at Pnkie Pie. “B but,…I couldn’t stop looking at her thingie.”

“You have to admit, Twi, that it’s rather impressive.”

“See! You arew a traitor to lesbians! Twilight pointed at Pinkie as she freed her other hoofs.

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Twilight, we’ve been over this. I’m bi. That does not mean I am a traitor to the cause of Lesbianism. I just think it’s hilarious that I cooked all those phallic foods for you guys and you still ate them! I mean, c’mon! That joke was so obvious; you should have seen it from a mile away!”

“Well I didn’t!”

Mean whilw, meanwhile, meanwhile, back in the dungeons the Princess whispered plans and the evil! Maid Applejacks and Mailflutterbat stood guard. But where was the bug queen? Was was her plan for the horseheros?

In the darkest of the dungoens,a cell help Princess Celestia! the ruler of Canterlot City Lesbians. It was really clean but smelled bad(like dust, ok??)! Thatwas bcuz Celestia was the first prisoner!

Next to the cell was cell number 2. Luna was in that one and Cadance was in cell 3.

The cells were guarded by Applejack and flufferbat! They were dressed as sexxy(2 x cuz really sexxy) maids. They were the princessesese weaknesseseses.

"Ok." Celestia whispered loudly bcuz so the other princesses could hear but she hoped AJ and Futtershy didn't.(they didn't) "Luna and Cadance wil combine and take out Apples Jack. I will get the cute one."

"You always get the cute one."

"That is because I am boss Princess." Celestia smilled and laghed. "We smash the doors on 3." Celestia counted to 3 silintkly and smashed the door to her cells!

AJ was surprised.

Luna and Cadance snashed their doors two and merged real fast into Ludance(or Caduna? Canned Tuna? lol) and jumped on Applejack before she coupr rope! Ludance kicked real harder and bucked Aj into the next dungeon, but she got up and ripped off her maid outfit. Ludance pounced!

Mean while, Celestiajumped on Fluttershy and they fought real hard! Butis sexy fighting ok.

There was a explosition

Lunadance fel to the foor as the castle shaked. “What was that?”

Aj was surprised again. “Ah don’t know.” She then then fell down cuz her hooves were tired up in her rope. She queeld in a cute way and Lunadance collapsed!

“I can’t take it! It’s too much!” Luna and Cadance started to break up, like they hadone body and too heds. It was gross. Cadance looked at Luna and smilled. “If we make it out of this u can tired me up, ok??”

“Ok.!”

Then theu merged all the way agaiojn.

Lundence jumped up and alicorned AJ in the face! Aj apled! Alicorn beats Apple so Lundance won.(don’’t hate cuz u kno rhtats how it would go ok)

Suddenly. Flutterlestia burst throw the wall. It was made of brinks! Lunadance raised an eyebrow at the yllow batwing rainbow alicorn in socks. “Now We know why you took the cute one.

Fludderestia blushed. “Yeah……….”

Elseplace on the Canterlot City Castle Lesbian……

Pinkie Pie glanced around the corner, checking for Queen Chrysalis or any of her minions. Finding the hallway clear, she helped Twilight limp weakly along. “C’mon Twi, we’re almost to the infirmary. I’m pretty sure you aren’t poisoned any more than an upset tummy. I should have checked on the expiration date on those berries a bit closer. I’m super sorry.”

Twilight grooned. “It ok Pikny. When I m not sick, I cn merge with Ceelstia agin anf we’ll defeat BugQueen Chyrsalis.”

Pinkie Pie shook her head slowly. “Wow. I mean…wow, Twilight. I still don’t know how you’re managing to talk like that. It’s weird, and that’s coming from ME.”

Twiliht shrugged and coughed agan and stumbled and fell in a wall. She triedst o get up when a pair of minions came around the corner!!

Hey! Stop you tow!” The changelinbs ran up and pointed at Twi. “Where r u going? The Queen wants you ready for doing nauty stuffs.”

“In the bedroom.” Sid the other Minion.

“Fellas…er, or ladies, whichever,” Pinkie waved her hoof dismissively, “I’m taking her to the infirmary. The Queen is going to want her in peak shape for… what did you say? ‘nauty stuffs?’” Pinkie wrinkled her nose as she mimicked the minion guard as if the words felt odd in her mouth.

Oh. Ok. The guard waved and then they walked away until they were gone.

Pinkie Pie blinked as they rounded the corner again and lifted Twilight back onto her hooves. “Ok, Fuzzy is CLEARLY off his meds. This has got to be the worst thing he’s ever written.”

“Who? Twilight asked.

“Never mind, forget I said anything, Twilight. Let’s get you fixed up.”

Eleseswhere in the Lesbian Castle of Canterlots…..,

“Hauhahah!” Chrysalis evil laughed as she opened a big imporatant looking door. It lead to a room full of pink glowy stuff.

“And now the Heart of all Lesbians Power is MINE!”

Oh snap!

22. Taking Off the Masks(Original Unpublished Version)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

24. "Matter of Perspective" WriteOff entry: It's Never too Late to Say Sorry

Author's Note

Written for the June "A Matter of Perspective" WriteOff. Didn't make the finals, so boo. No one guessed it was me, so...yay? I guess.

I need to come up with LESS grand-scale concepts for these contests. Also, I think it shows that I've been reading a lot of Peter Hamilton's novels recently.

24. "Matter of Perspective" WriteOff entry: It's Never too Late to Say Sorry

The back alley exuded a putrid stench that made her lip curl. For a nanosec, she wished her body didn’t come equipped with a sense for smell at all.

Trash and refuse littered the press-crete, collected against the brick face of the walls in knee-deep drifts. If the city’s cleaning routines were still operating properly, it obviously had not been to this side of town in a while. The bright neon lights of the larger—populated—alleys and byways faded into an uneasy sort of half-darkness here, the utility lights that should illuminate the path all burned out or simply missing. Rats—at least she assumed they were rats or something genetically similar—moved in the deeper shadows cast by ancient rusted dumpsters and discarded bits of crumpled plasti-steel pieces of junked out vehicles. Dirty runoff water from the ever present springtime rains flowed in a sluggish stream down the middle of the alley and she was careful to not step in it as she ventured deeper into the underbelly of the city.

Twilight despised what Canterlot had become. The mountain it once perched on like some white and gold bird of paradise was gone. Reduced to a mere mound of its former self, all in the name of progress and convenience. It barely even registered as a rise in elevation; the city was so layered on top of it. Here near the old center of Canterlot, at least, she could see the sky now and then. The steel-grey clouds peeked between the buildings and sky-bridges that directed and ferried the city’s hundred million or so citizens around on their daily, pointless lives.

Twilight frowned, readjusting her thinking. Their lives were not pointless. Aimless perhaps, or simply lacking in a greater meaning. Still, she reminded herself not to look down on the ponies here. They were not intrinsically lesser than her. It was the greater sins of their society that held them back. She was not some higher being, god-like in her power and ability by comparison. No matter what others might like to say when they assumed nopony was listening. In truth, she was much more a dinosaur than these ponies that chose to live here as ponies just like them had chosen to do so for thousands upon thousands of years. It was their choice to either join the Enlightened or not. If not, then that was their choice, misguided thought it was.

Choice is a powerful thing. It was choice that led her now, in the dark, though a fetid alleyway to a place she had not seen with her own eyes in more than seven centuries.

Twilight rounded the corner at the end of the little alley and stopped just outside the beam of light cast by a partially functional sign. It hung low over a set of recessed doors, the old fixture flashing the words ‘Fortunes Told’ and ‘Harmonic Forecasts’ every few seconds. The doors themselves where closed and looked almost like real wood in the poor illumination, their heavy push plates and arcaic locks covered in corroding faux-brass. From the layout of the building, Twilight could tell they lead to a large sized lounge of sorts where visitors would interact with a holographic projection of the oracle, asking their questions and seeking meaning in their mundane lives. Between them a small kiosk made of blue painted plasti-steel stood guard with a thick plate of shatterproof, translucent crystal for a window. Behind the window, a dingy looking earth pony snored peacefully, oblivious to her stare and scans washing over the building.

Her clusters of bio-enhancements pinged the structure’s local network for a full diagnosis. Twilight used old, cleared credentials, from her last visit to Canterlot, for the access request. She didn’t actually need to make a formal request, but she suspected the building wouldn’t recognize the current set of protocols. There was also the slight possibility that forcing her way in might trigger older hard defenses she knew were buried under the faux-brick exterior. Defenses that would attempt to atomize her body before she could blink. She really didn’t fancy another walk back out here if she could avoid it.

The data stream told her everything was functioning within allowed parameters, if the energy consumption was a little high. It was the same standard info the building would give any other system that came snooping around for any reason. Twilight ignored the camouflage and tapped deeper, her enhancements slipping past the outdated security measures with ease. The second layers were where she needed to be careful what she touched. When she reached the real security armament, Twilight took her time disabling the disrupters and force nets until she was reasonable sure they would remain asleep. Only then did she dare reach for the deepest, most hidden systems and routines. There she stopped and passively absorbed the data, examining it for signs of corruption or degradation as it scrolled along her visual HUD. Anything more would be impolite.

The code showed its age. Twilight tsk’ed to herself, making notes for improvements to make to it later. It wasn’t surprising really, her own work was hundreds of iterations ahead of this, but it nagged at her that nopony had thought to make upgrades. It wasn’t like this was some sort of utility program, actual lives depended on it. She breathed a sigh of relief at the apparent lack of degeneration in the code. At least somepony or some subroutine was still doing its job.

Satisfied that everything seemed to be in order, Twilight shut down the tap to the data stream and walked up to the kiosk. She gave the pony inside a quick scan, confirming that he was a standard Earth Pony with only the minimal mandatory augmentations. He was still more flesh than circuitry, but at least the bio-enhancements he had were up to date. He had a standard configuration that connected him to local nets for communication and entertainment, and a few enhancements to his digestive and neural systems. She waited for his augments to wake him up, sending signals to his meat-brain that his augments had sensed her presence. She took a step back so that she would appear less threatening, watching the pony pick himself up from his deep slumber. She checked her social interaction protocol checklist on her HUD, stretching her lips into what she hoped was an appropriate smile as the stallion’s eyes fluttered open.

“I’m here to see the Oracle.” Twilight coughed her voice low. “Please.”

The pony blinked at her in sleepy incomprehension, wiping a bit of drool from his chin. He shook his head to clear it and tapped the button on his side of the plast-steel wall, a communication speaker buzzing to life. “What?”

“I’m here to see the Oracle.” Twilight repeated herself, a bit firmer this time, and stepped forward again so his organic eyes could see her clearly. “I can pay, I have credits.”

“We don’t take credits here.” The kiosk pony set his jaw, his tone becoming moderately aggressive. “It’s bits and bits only. We don’t take kindly to technocrat Enlightens or their cursed credits. Canterlot is better off without them.”

Twilight stood her ground. “I’m sure you have a fair point. But I really must speak with her. It’s terrible important and time is fleeting.” Her enhancements caught him sending out a call through the local communications node of the local net. It was tagged emergency and being routed for the authorities. They would make things far more complicated than they had to be, so she intercepted the call and sent the stallion’s bio-enhancements a false ‘received’ notification. She could see his shoulders relax microscopically as soon as she did.

“I have no bits, however. I’m sorry. Credits are easily redeemable for bits, sir. Perhaps we could come to some sort of agree—”

“I don’t care, filly! It’s bits or beat off!” He cut her off and stood, trying to loom over her from inside his tiny castle. “Whatever you came to ask, the Oracle ain’t speaking to an Enlightened. Why would she? Their future is doomed anyway.”

“I’m sorry, but you are wrong there. You don’t even know what your Oracle is or you wouldn’t say that to me of all ponies.” Twilight sighed, reminding herself again that it was choice that separated them. It was his choice to remain a slave to his organic needs. It was his choice to remain a member of a society grown stagnant and corrupt. Just as it was her choice to rise above that. It was her choices that gave all of equinity the option to have the power and lifespan once enjoyed only by alicorns.

Choice drove her to fix a mistake she’d made long ago. Years ago, those choices that a younger Twilight Sparkle had made chased away the one pony she still cared for. So, she made the choice that this innocent pony was going to walk home tonight, wherever that might be for him.

Twilight reached forward, the end of her hoof breaking apart into several mechanized grippers, and grabbed the kiosk wall. The plasti-steel screeched in protest, crunching under her hoof before the bolts and seals holding it failed under the greater pressure her heavily modified body produced. A large jagged piece of the material tore away from the rest of the kiosk’s frame, the shattered crystal plate window raining shards down to join the other refuse in the alleyway. The stallion shouted, falling back from the small stool he had been sitting on, his bio-enhancements firing out call after automated call for help. Twilight blocked them all.

“What the hay are you? I-I didn’t mean anything about that Enlightened comment, I swear!”

Twilight turned and tossed the ruining piece of wall aside like a foal’s plaything, her hoof reshaping itself as she put her weight back on it. “Your bigotry is understandable. You are indoctrinated from birth to rail against the inevitable evolution to a postphysical state.” She checked his expression and vitals against her social interaction protocol. He was scared, stressed by her actions and presence. She took a step forward, holding up her hoof in a calculated calming gesture.

“A p-postphysical?! Here?” He scrambled back, pushing himself into a back wall that was covered with old printouts and piled high with a few years’ worth of used fast food containers. “What do you want? Are you here to force me into joining? I swear I didn’t mean anything by those posts! It was just harmless trolling! I’m not a luddite!”

“No, I’m not on some sort of recruitment drive.” Twilight let her hoof drop. “We don’t do that sort of thing anymore. Joining the Enlightened is your choice. But all ponies will join us, eventually. I already told you why I am here. I am here to see the Oracle.” Twilight’s voice was calm, unstrained as she stepped into the kiosk over the upturned stool. “Please get out of my way. I do not wish to harm you.” She applied a smile to her face, checking her interaction protocol again to make sure it was more reassuring than psychotic. Whichever the specific effect it had on him, it got the stallion moving. He dove out of the kiosk and galloped into the night, leaving her behind.

Twilight didn’t bother watching him go and ripped the printouts off the wall with a sweep of her hoof. Under that was a layer of plaster and faux-brick which she brushed aside along with the used fast food containers. Behind that, her true prize laid, a molecularly reinforced metal bulkhead with a tiny slot for coded entry with a single data jack. Though it was faded, the bulkhead still had the faintest impression around the slot of a stylized sun.

Twilight moved closer and took a seat. Idly she noted a new wave of emergency calls going through the communications hub, but she did nothing to block them. The authorities could not stop her in time. She looked down and a similar slot in her chest to the one in front of her, opening and her neural interface node extended. The cable snaked through the air and jacked into the slot on the wall with a satisfyingly loud click. A moment later, Twilight felt a slight tug at her consciousness, leaving her body behind and reformed in a reality that was modeled after the ancient Canterlot of her birth. In front of her rose the mountain, taller here than it ever really was, and on its side sat Canterlot Castle, bright and shining in the immortal noonday sun.

Twilight smiled genuinely for the first time in what felt like a very long time. The digital contruct of old Canterlot looked perfect, even to her trained eyes. She could sense the warped and twisted subspace that the construct existed in, the computer that ran it reaching beyond traditional dimensions and into that place just outside it. It took her back to the past, millennia old memories resurfacing of the conversation she’d had with Celestia about using the limitless nature of the ‘ethereal realm’ to house monstrous computers that would never work in normal space. To think it was the place she had been teleporting through all those centuries ago. The place where she had ascended to alicornhood. Now it was the place where all Enlightened ponies lived. In pocket worlds of their own, controlled by their minds, free from trivial concerns like aging and death and all because of her choices and the innovations they had led to.

Her hooves, flesh and blood so far as her mind could determine, clopped happily against the cobblestones as she headed for the castle and the pony she knew would be there. Maybe now she could say she was sorry and could come back into the fold, back into the embrace of those she still loved. It felt like ages since she had last spoken to Celestia, let alone seen the mare. In the early days they had worked hoof and hoof together, inseparable as they used their magic to tease out the deeper truths to reality. They leaded a cultural revolution as study of math and science overtook the traditional pursuits of magic. What was once barely understood ritual and superstitions became codified truths, laws that guided the universe. It was a wealth of knowledge never before guessed at and it was theirs to discover together.

Then, as all good things must, it came to an end. The rift between them started over small things. Disagreeances on how the project should proceed, on the best use of the technologies they were building, and the best way of enforcing cyberneticization among the general populace. Celestia was a proponent of letting time run its course and let the rest of the population come to realize the benefits of the bio-enhancements and then adopt them at their own pace.

Twilight slowed down as she neared the wide, open gates to the castle. Pennant flags flew from the towers high above, just as they had in the past, signifying Celestia was there. However, there were no other ponies there, just empty suits of guard armor that floated in place. She felt her smile slipping as she entered the courtyard, more of the bad memories welling up inside of her.

Eventually, they had broken up. No longer even able to carry on a conversation without it degrading into arguments and shouting matches, Twilight pulled away from Celestia. She believed that they, as a specie, were on the edge of a new stage in evolution. One that was under their control for once. Waiting for the public to willingly go along with it would take years, if not centuries. Even with all her efforts at education and displaying the benefits of becoming enhanced through cybernetics and then later nanoclusters implanted directly into a pony’s cellular structure, the turnover rate was dismal. Technology waited for no mare and if she wanted everypony to be on equal hooves, she would need them to accept it quickly and enmasse.

So the forcible recruitments started. Too many ponies saw the loss of their original bodies as soul shattering, the loss of their cutie marks as a loss of purpose. The old ghosts of Starlight Glimmer’s social experiments haunted and tainted the public’s perceptions, and if she were honest with herself, her early tactics could have been nicer. But she built her truly Enlightened society. Most of the converts were happy once they had had the time to explore their new abilities and compartmentalize the loss of their physical nature.

That was the final wedge, for her relationship with her old mentor. Celestia retreated, returned to the place she had called home for millennia before Twilight’s birth. Over the site where her throne room had once sat, she had her own subspace computer anchored. She opened her hooves to all those that fought against progress. A digital being of near-limitless power and knowledge come to guide these caveponies into a future that they could have had already. Overtime, her ‘wait and see’ outlook left her behind, regulating her to the role of a mystic. The ponies she guided didn’t even remember that she was a living creature, let alone the mythical princess of the sun. She was just an algorithm masquerading as an oracle.

And so their two stewarded cultures came to an uneasy stalemate. Normal ponies that added a few bio-enhancements to themselves for convenience and fun, and ponies that lived practically as digital gods and goddesses. For all the invention and progress that her Enlightened ponies came up with, Celestia’s outnumbered them millions to one and were the ones on the physical edge of pony expansion. Mistrust, racism and warring ideals kept them from anything less than a sociological cold war for the last thousand years.

Twilight lifted her head high as she approached the throne room of the castle. More of the empty guard armor floated here in the main hall, flanking her on both sides. Their empty helms turning as she passed, watching her like ghosts. Celestia knew she was here, and was playing their meeting out, but if it was for old times’ sake or just to be mysterious, Twilight wasn’t certain. At least she would have dignity in her offering of a proverbial olive branch. She pushed open the big double doors slowly, letting her hooves feel the simulated wood grain and chase away her disbelief. This was Canterlot. She was Twilight Sparkle and she had come to see the Princess.

25. 'Radiance' Twiluna Prompt

Author's Note

As you may or may not know, the old Twiluna collab: Dark Paradise, is pretty much dead in the water. A new Twiluna collab is getting started up, but I figured that this would be a good place to stick some of those old prompts that aren't already re-posted on my account somewhere.

Prompt: Radiance

25. 'Radiance' Twiluna Prompt

“Are you sure this is safe? I’m not certain this is safe.” Twilight glanced around nervously, her eyes aglow with barely contained magical power. The Celestial Realm stretched endlessly in all directions around her and Luna.

“Everything is perfectly alright, Twilight.” Luna’s semi-transparent form smiled reassuringly at Twilight Sparkle. “I am with you.”

“Yeah, in spirit… er, so to speak.” Twilight started walking forward, her nervousness forcing her pace even without true ground on which to stand. “Why couldn’t you be here in person? This is creepy without you or Princess Celestia with me.”

Luna’s image floated along next to Twilight. She reached out and her hoof passed through Twilight’s shoulder. “We couldn’t risk throwing off the harmonics of the spell channel. It has to focus on you to be effective, or else all we’ve done to prepare will be for naught.”

“Well, could it at least hurry up? It… I’m uncomfortable when we’re apart, Luna.”

Luna smiled sweetly. “It should not take long. After the channel is fully charged, it should manifest and crystallize itself around you, just as it did for Tia and myself. We don’t want to miss this chance.”

Twilight sighed and turned to her relative left for no other reason than feeling like she should. The Celestial Realm seemed to hum just outside her auditory range, like some sort of deep rumble that she could feel with her horn. The sensation was strange, but not unpleasant. Twilight paused and looked back the way she had come and marveled at the bright purple mana trail she left in her wake.

“Wow. I wonder what that would look like if I flew?” Twilight spread her wings and gave them a quick test flap. She frowned when nothing happened and she failed to even generate a slight breeze.

“It should be starting any moment now, Twilight. Do you see anything around you? The Realms often make curious displays before shifting the arcane weave around.”

Twilight looked around herself again and then turned to Luna’s image. “No, nothing so far. Just you and me. What did it look like when you got yours?”

Luna sighed wistfully. “All became dark in a most comforting way. Then stars appeared all around me before all sped off, as if I were moving very quickly. There was a beautiful sound unlike anything I have ever heard before or since and when it cleared I - !”

Twilight blinked as Luna’s image disappeared mid-sentence. She felt around for the spell connection feebly. “Luna? Hello?”

The low rumble of the Celestial Realm changed pitch, quickly climbing into her audible range. It pulsed and warbled like some sort of universal heartbeat or orchestral techno a moment before a bright light flashed around Twilight and she wrapped her wings in front of herself. When it faded, Twilight lowered her feathers and blinked the spots out of her vision. She felt an unfamiliar weight on her chest and legs for a moment until she was lifted and crushed in one of Luna’s Royal Glomph Hugs.

“Twilight!” Luna beamed at the younger princess. “You’re back!”

Around the two of them, the Royal Court starred in surprised silence. Twilight returned the hug as best she could and looked down at her new regalia. “Yeah… um,” she coughed, “now I look like a real princess, huh?”

26. "Piercing" Twiluna Prompt

Author's Note

I'm continuing to move the old prompts from the now defunct Dark Paradise Twiluna collab.

26. "Piercing" Twiluna Prompt

Prince Shining Armor smacked his lips after swallowing down a mouthful of Vanhoover Blue Ribbon. He set the can down on the balcony banister and turned to regard his sister.

“So, Twily? How’s the married life working out for you?” Shining smirked and fixed his gaze pointedly on the mithril and onyx band that rested at the base of Twilight Sparkle’s horn.

Twilight shrugged as she took a pull from her own beer before sputtering and coughing. “Uhg...Shiny, you’re a prince now, remember? You don’t have to drink swill.”

Twilight rubbed a wing across her mouth and stepped over to the edge of the huge balcony overlooking the crystal pony town below the Crystal Palace. “Married life. It’s...growing on me, I suppose. I like it, actually. Spending time with Luna in any capacity makes me feel happy.”

Shining chuckled and picked his can up. “I know the feeling.” He took a small sip. “Look at us, Twily. Both of us married into royalty. The folks really weren’t expecting both of us to bag Princesses.”

Twilight grinned. “No. Especially not me. At least Mom and Luna made up after that disastrous dinner a few months ago. Luna has even taken to teasing her by randomly slipping into the most archaic and overly complex form of Old Equish she can muster. You should see Mom fume!” Twilight giggled to herself.

Shining smirked again and shook his head. “I can imagine. How is Luna’s reintegration coming along anyway? I can’t imagine that she’s caught up on an entire millennia of lost time in the past two years.”

Shining’s sister sighed, her smile fading a little. “It’s a day to day thing. Sometimes she is just like everypony else, then bam! She slips back into her old ways and gets confused. Or she confuses everypony around her. Sometimes it’s funny, other times… well, let’s just say that she can be a little intense at times.”

Twilight’s brother nodded sagely and downed the remaining dregs of his beer.

“That’s why I wanted her to spend some time with Cadence. She’s the only one of us with practical experience at being a modern alicorn. I’m learning and Princess Celestia is… Princess Celestia.” Twilight shrugged again.

“She is a modern girl.” Shining Armor crushed the can in the grip of his magic and flung it into a rubbish pail set near the door back into the castle. “I used to lose sleep over the fear that Mom would find out about her getting me to spank her in my room after putting you to bed for your naps.”

“Aaahhg! TMI much, Shiny? Sheesh!” Twilight nursed another sip from her VBR. She looked back at the castle and up to the lit windows of Cadence’s royal chambers. “What do you think they’re talking about in there?”

“Cadence is probably showing Luna her exotic piercings.” Shining stated flatly, watching his sister cringe out of the corner of his eye.

“I hope she talks Luna into a tongue stud. That would feel awesome.” Twilight smirked evilly. If Shining Armor wanted to play the TMI Game, then she was going to play to win!

27. "Giggle" Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

Another prompt salvaged from Dark Paradise.

And yes, it is a ponified scene from Aliens.

27. "Giggle" Twiluna prompt

“Is it safe?”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

“We haven’t heard anything for--!”

Luna stiffened, the lantern in her grip rising up to better illuminate the reinforced titanium composite door. Beside her, Twilight leveled her glowing locator device at the entrance. A faint noise came from outside the tiny chamber where they had sealed themselves.

“Damn!” Twilight frowned and slapped her device sharply, forcing it’s crystal screen to snap into focus. A flashing dot appeared for a moment and then vanished again. “They’re getting closer.”

“How close?” Luna glanced around and hooked the lantern’s handle over the corner of a near by shelf. With her magical grip freed, she hefted a large, near ballista-sized crossbow. Luna pulled back the draw and loaded a black fletched bolt.

“Twenty meters.” Twilight started to turn slowly, eyes glued to the screen. “They must have stopped moving.”

Luna swallowed hard and brought up the crossbow, lining her sights on the door. The sound of something soft and organic sliding across a metallic surface came from outside.

“Twenty meters! Eighteen! Fourteen and closing! They’re moving fast now!” Twilight whipped around to face the door and took a shaky step back. “Luna…”

Luna planted her hooves into the floor and stood her ground. The noise was getting closer. She swore she could hear it breathing in little erratic, irrational bursts. “How close Twi? How close?!”

“Eight meters! Six! Four! They’re right outside the doorway!”

The gurgling chirp could be easily heard now. It seemed to come from everywhere at once. It hiccuped and snorted in a distressing high pitch.

“Three meters!”

“Where are they?! That’s right on top of us!”

“Two point five meters?! Two!” Twilight yanked her head up, looking around her, despite what her motion tracker told her, she and Luna were the only things moving in the room. “One! Zero meters!”

“Zero? What the hell, Twi?” Luna flicked her eyes around but kept trained on the door. “I don’t see anything!”

The sound was loud, permeating the room from floor to ceiling. They were laughing. Laughing and coming for them. Twilight stared at her locator device in disbelief.

Suddenly, it dawned on her. “They’re in the walls. Luna, they’re in the walls!”

Luan hauled her crossbow across her right side and loosed the first bolt into the aluminum alloy wall. It hit with the dull thud of hollowness. Another followed it, to the left this time. Then another. Another. Luna wasn’t even aiming, she loaded the crossbow as quickly as she could to pepper the walls with iron tips and ashe shafts. The noise was deafening.

It was too little, too late. A ceiling plate crashed to the ground between them. A mass of pink poured through the opening. The lantern dropped and went out. Twilight and Luna held out as long as they could, but no pony could escape the fun. It was over in seconds. No pony could resist the fun. They would all have fun. Forever.

In with a roar; out with a giggle.

28. "Soar" Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

More from the now defunct Dark Paradise.

Just Luna and Twi hanging out, doing space pone stuff.

28. "Soar" Twiluna prompt

Luna smiled as she watched Twilight stargaze. The heavens blazed with light from thousands of stars and belonged to just the two of them. The longer she watched Twilight, the more her smile evolved from simple pleasure with her company to a smirk at the hilarity of Twilight’s current appearance.

Luan reached over and tapped Twilight on the shoulder to gain the mare’s attention and levitated a small whiteboard in front of her. It said, ‘You look funny.’

Twilight frowned and brought up her own whiteboard and made a hasty note with her marker. It said, ‘You’re one to talk. You look bald.’

Luna raised an eyebrow at that and looked up trying to see her own head. She wiped her board clean and wrote a new message: ‘Keep talking like that and your walking home.’

‘You used the incorrect form of ‘your’ and your penmanship could use work.’ Twilight waggled her eyebrows at Luna and smirked.

Luna rolled her eyes and wrote carefully in calligraphic script. ‘Upeth thine, miscreant.’

‘Well I know who is sleeping on the sofa tonight.’

Luna moved her mouth silently. She huffed and they went back to stargazing for a while more. Eventually, she brought up her whiteboard again. ‘I’m sorry. But your suit just looks so big and bulky. I couldn’t resist.’

Twilight smiled and shook her head. ‘I know it looks dumb. I asked them to paint flames on it, but EASA said no.’

‘They could have at least put a rocket pack on it.’

‘I know, right?’ Twilight laughed silently in her helmet for a moment and then adjusted her orientation to gently bump into the Night Goddess’ side.

Luna wrapped a wing about Twilight and kissed her faceplate before yanking them through the night sky and out past the Belt where they could watch Neighley’s Comet throw off tons of ice and space dust as it inched toward the inner system. She settled them into a lazy orbit and released Twilight so she could look around. She thought about writing Twilight another message about what the suit did to her backside but decided not to. She’d have all the time in the world to tease her later.

29. "Rarity" Incomplete Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

Since these are short, today's upload is a twofer! This first one never saw the light of day due to me running out of drive and someone else taking the prompt be during the time when we still mostly followed the rules.

29. "Rarity" Incomplete Twiluna prompt

“Fairest Rarity, might We beg a question of thee?”

Rarity laughed and straightened her glasses with a hoof as she made tiny adjustments to the stitching of her soon-to-be latest masterpiece of high fashion. “Princess Luna, I assure you, there is no need to be so formal with me! Please, feel relaxed in my humble boutique. And yes, of course you may ask me anything you like. You ARE a princess after all.”

Luna smiled sheepishly and held still as another layer of cloth was draped across her midsection. “Er...yes. We… I was curious about your thoughts on my relationship with Twilight Sparkle? Your other friends have all made their opinions known.”

Rarity continued to stitch with her horn aglow but eyed Luna in the mirror. She looked older than most of her Ponyville friends with her glasses and her hair pulled back in a tight bun. Luna swallowed as Rarity continued to look at her seriously without speaking.

After a moment more, Rarity looked back at her work and sighed. “I cannot, honestly, say I am entirely happy about it. Don’t get me wrong Princess, I am happy for the both of you. Finding your special somepony is a very meaningful thing. However, I worry about both of you.”

“Both of us?” Luna turned her head so she could look directly at the white colored seamstress.

Rarity nodded. “I worry that Twilight’s sometimes… manic nature might drive off even the most patient lover. And if that doesn’t, her obsession with your sister would. Twilight looks at Princess Celestia like she is a goddess made flesh - which I suppose isn’t far from the truth - and worships her every word. While that behavior might be understandable, I can only imagine it must be trying for a trusting relationship - doubly so since it is with you.”

30. "Hungry" Twiluna prompt(saucy)

Author's Note

Part 2 of today's double upload.

Again, moving posted prompts over from the dead-in-the-water Dark Paradise collab. This one pushed the 'teen' rating to the breaking point. While not the first time in the collab that I did that, this one cemented me as the gold standard setter for sauciness.

Contains bondage and willing submission, so if that's not your bag, might want to pass this one by.

30. "Hungry" Twiluna prompt(saucy)

Luna grunted around the bridle in her mouth as another strike landed on her hip. It wasn’t from the pain so much as the surprise. She couldn’t see when Twilight was about to swing due to the blinders she wore as part of her tact gear. There wasn’t any more pain than she could handle; Twilight had proven herself to almost freakishly good with a riding crop. She knew when to use the softest of touches with the flat of the leather, and when to drag the rough edge down Luna’s spine. She knew how to make the strikes tingle pleasantly or send a sharp jolt while never leaving a mark or bruise.

Luna found herself enjoying the sensations Twilight was sending through her. She liked the tight bindings that held her firm, wings and legs spread with her face in the bed and rump in the air. Luna worked her tongue against the bit as she listened to Twilight giggle and move around the end of the bed. Her girlfriend enjoyed these little diversions far more than Luna herself. She’d taken to her role as the domme with almost scary devotion.

Luna wiggled her hips and flexed her wing muscles, getting as comfortable as she could in the harness that held her. She could smell the fruity aroma of her favorite lubricant. Twilight was preparing something and doing it slowly, but obviously out of her sight, teasing her with the anticipation and the unknown. Luna moaned deep in her throat as her tension mounted.

Not for the first time, Luna wondered what gave Twilight her need – her hunger – to be domme. She was a sweet girl from a well-to-do family who enjoyed the company of several close friends and the Royal Sisters. She was a natural leader with a deep sense of empathy and sympathy. She enjoyed a tightly controlled life and schedule. She had every indicator that she should be the one bound and displayed before Luna.

Luna savored that mental image for a moment.

The bed shifted as Twilight climbed up behind her and placed her warm hooves on either side of Luna’s tail. Luna could feel the heat coming off Twilight as she was caressed.

“I would suggest that you don’t clinch up, but I know you like it rough.”

There was a hint of a growl in Twilight’s voice that sent a shiver up Luna’s spine. She relaxed as best she could and gasped around her bridle when Twilight brushed her tail out of the way to expose all of her.

Now that she thought about it, perhaps the opposite was the actual truth. It wasn’t Twilight’s hunger to be domme that drove her, but instead, it was Luna’s own hunger to be dominated that pushed the younger pony. Twilight did as she always had. She gave her all to please her Princess and to be the best at it. She did it all for her love. This revelation loosened something in Luna’s mind even as a part of her body tightened from the ministrations Twilight was giving her back end.

With a sigh, Luna laid her hunger bare in her voice as she groaned, “Yes, Mistress…”

31. Unnamed fic/fic concept.

Author's Note

This has never been published, and is the opening for a fic that will never see the light of day. It started out as a funny conversation about specific fetish clop in Skype and fleshed itself out into this.

I cut out what little there was of actual clop and decided to keep the concept of Luna creating a AU chamber that can create nearly anything that could be dreamed up. Obviously, this was written quite a while ago, before the end of Season 4.

31. Unnamed fic/fic concept.

“It’s a door.” Twilight blinked at the ashe set of double doors. “It’s not even ajar.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Har har.”

“Well...it’s a pretty door. I like the arched design and the delicate ironwork - nice touch with the runic brands along the bottom, by the way - and the engraving in the wood is quite exquisite, really.” Twilight grinned sheepishly as Luna frowned at her. “Is this why you invited me to the castle?”

Luna nodded curtly. “Yes. It is more than a mere door, Twilight. Unlike my sister, I am not one for silly pranks and jokes! This,” Luna gestured at the door, inset into the northern wall of the Princess’ personal chambers, “is my greatest creation! It is a gateway to the realms of dreams and imagination.”

“I thought you already had dream magic, Luna?”

“Ugh...yes!” Luna stepped forward and slapped the door with her hoof. “This, however, lets me take another pony with me and doesn’t require anypony to be asleep. You pose a question to it and it forms a reality based on it and a long series of assumptions to give you a representation of what that reality might be like. Think of it, Twilight! We could explore any type of situation we could think of all in the safety of Canterlot!”

Twilight pursed her lips as she looked the door over. “It works?”

“Mostly.” Luna shrugged. “Honestly, I was hoping you would help me test it out, work out the kinks.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “We get to beta-test a reality creating piece of architecture?”

Luna nodded.

“Then what are we waiting on?” Twilight grinned and moved up to the door and leaned down to squint at the runes. “How do we get it going? Is this the activation trigger here?”

‘Um...yes.” Luna flinched as the younger alicorn tapped at the archaic scripture and sent a ripple of blue-white mana streaking across its surface. “What should we ask it to create for us?”

Twilight tracked the power as traced the lines of the inscribed runes. “Hmmm...well, I am curious about what’s in that crystal lockbox the Tree of Harmony gave us and how we’d use it. I hope it’s an awesome magic spell!”

Luna opened her mouth to respond when there came a loud rumble from beyond the door, followed by a series of knocks and a thin trail of pale blue smoke that started to seep out from under it. The sounds stopped after a moment and the Princess was sure she could smell bacon.

“Is it supposed to do that?”

Luna shrugged and wrinkled her nose. “Your guess is as good as mine. These are more like alpha level tests, really.”

“Now you tell me?” Twilight scowled for a moment when the door slowly opened, complete with creepy creaking noise, to reveal a an exact copy of the room in which they stood. The only difference was the lack of evil doppelgangers and the diamond lockbox sat on the table in the center, its lid loose and partially open. “Well...this looks promising. So far.”

“Shall we?” Luna took a careful step and stretched her head across the threshold. “Zounds! It looks just like my own chambers! Am I good, or what?”

“That remains to be seen, Princess.” Twilight's horn started to glow as she looked the portal over. "It looks stable enough. The matrices feel kind of like one of those magic comic books they sell downtown."

"I must admit their enchantment did offer up some inspiration."

"Well...shall we?" Twilight let her magic sense drop. "I'm curious!"

Luna chuckled and trotted forward with Twilight into the copy reality. Her hooves danced at the success of her spellcraft. "Then let us begin!"

The younger princess had her eyes glued on the crystal lockbox and flipped the lid open with her magic. The interior with lined with red velvet and gilded in gold. Several closed scroll cases sat inside along with a sealed envelope on top.

Twilight pulled the envelope up and turned it over. The seal was a simple wax press stamped with the letters 'FF.' She raised an eyebrow. "FF? Anypony you know, Luna?"

"Neigh."

Twilight shrugged and gently pried it open before pulling out a single, folded slip of paper. "Well, lets see what it says." Twilight clearer her throat.

"Greetings Princesses,

if you are reading this then you have successfully opened the chest of Harmony. Unfortunately, its original contents have been replaced with fetish bait. Have fun!

Sorry about all this.

-Fuzzyfurvert"

“What kind of name is ‘Fuzzyfurvert?’” Luna looked over Twilight’s shoulder at the note. “And what is fetish bait?”

“Uh…” Twilight glanced at Luna out of the corner of her eye. “Perhaps we should leave?”

“But we just started the test, Twilight! Are you not curious about what awaits us?” Luna gestured at the scroll cases that still lay inside the box. “You were hoping for new magic spells. Odd note aside, there is a lot this simulation could teach us.”

Twilight looked back at the scrolls and she could feel the itch of curiosity tickle at her mind. “Ok. I guess we should at least put your spellcraft to test.”

She reached in and pulled one of the cases out. It seemed to be made of smooth lacquered wood with a simple cork stopper. Twilight pried the stopper off and shook out the scroll nestled inside. She then set it on the table and unrolled it so they could both read over it.

“Well,” Twilight squinted, “it is a spell. Looks like a transmutation spell.”

“A complicated one at that.” Luna leaned in next to Twilight and tapped the scroll with a hoof. “See these dynamic modifiers and the spacial limiters? This thing is laced with redundancies and feedbacks.”

Twilight bit her lip as she read over the details. She rubbed her chin after a moment and looked at Luna. “This is an advanced polymorph spell that has had its end shape result set, but allows for variation based on the target - and additionally - recasts the same parameters on the caster, so they both end up in a new shape.”

Twilight grinned. “I want to try this out! This is the most convoluted spell I’ve ever seen on a scroll - I need to try this out!”

Luna took a step back from her companion. “B-b-but, it says it can only be cast on a pony! Shouldn’t we fetch a guinea s-servant?” Luna sputtered as Twilight’s horn started to glow.

“Twilight?” She took another step back. “I realize I just told you we should carry on, but I am beginning to have my dou -!”

32. 'Sleep' Twiliuna prompt

Author's Note

More of the Tuna, though this time from merely Luna's perspective. Luna's sleep issues here are my own, so I feel her pain.

Let that be a lesson kids: Get some sleep!

32. 'Sleep' Twiliuna prompt

My name is Luna.

I am the Princess of the Night. Or, to quoth the vigilante; I am the Night.

Ponies associate many things with the night. Darkness, primarily. The moon and stars too, of course, but the thing most closely associated with it, on a personal level, is sleep. I am intimately familiar with sleep and dreams. Dreamhopping is even a little hobby of mine, but don’t tell Tia that. She nags.

However, not only am I intimately familiar with sleep, but I am also familiar with the lack of it. I’m experiencing it right now. My partner, Twilight, is asleep in the bed behind me right now. Mocking me with her blissful snoring. She looks very comfortable. I envy the way she can just fall asleep when she gets in the bed. She can take naps. Sometimes it’s hell waking her up, but Faust dammit, at least she can sleep!

I stay awake. I don’t have to. Frequently, I don’t want to. I just do.

‘Insomnia’ is what the doctors call sleeplessness these days. Apparently, I have this in abundance. Pardon me if I don’t laugh at the irony of a goddess of the night that cannot sleep. But insomnia isn’t the only thing that keeps me awake. Oh no! Like a true champion of old, I am a master of not sleeping! I cannot lay comfortably for long and toss about until I rob myself of what little rest I do get. The quacks call that ‘restless leg syndrome’. I call it annoying.

They say, when I am sleeping, between my nightly bouts of unconscious dancing with my pillows, that I snore. They are not the hideously adorable noises that my Twilight is making behind me. No. It is a racket that could wake the dead, or the sleeping, such as myself. And even should that not wake me; I. STOP. BREATHING.

It is only for short moments, I am told. They call that ‘apnea’ or some such prattle.

Altogether every major sleep disorder, as modern medicine defines it, resides within me, the Princess of the MOTHERBUCKING Night! Irony, it seems, knows no limits.

Twilight just snorted and cooed in her sleep. I can see her eyes fluttering about behind her lids. She is dreaming of something that makes her smile. Seeing that - even as I write in my journal, seething with quiet rage and eternal semi-exhaustion - I smile. Maybe I’ll go see what my sweetheart is dreaming about, since I’m still up.

33. 'Music' Twiluna Prompt

Author's Note

More from the old Twiluna collab.

This was the first time I wrote ponies pole dancing. As luck would have it, it was not the last

If you want to hear the music Luna is dancing to ->Here it is.

33. 'Music' Twiluna Prompt

Twilight groaned as she frowned at the empty throne at the end of the great court hall. Luna had indeed abandoned post. Again. She sighed and rubbed at her temples for a moment before turning to the nearest Nightguard.

“Excuse me, but where is Princess Luna this time?”

The guard snapped a quick salute. “Her majesty has retired for the evening, as there were no petitioners to her night court.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Um… I’m here. She even knew I was coming!”

The gaurdspony shrugged. “Sorry Miss Twilight. Princess Luna did leave word to direct you toward her tower.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and turned around without thanking the guard. Luna’s tower wasn’t very far away, but all the stairs tended to make her thighs hurt before she was even halfway to the top. Good thing she knew a little magic to make things a little easier. As soon as she was around the first turn of the stairway, out of sight of the hallway and any of the guards, Twilight’s horn glowed and flipped her local gravity, turning the long stairs into a quick slide.

Just as she was coming around the final bend, Twilight canceled her spell and dropped back down to walk the rest of the way to the landing like a normal pony. The Princess’ chamber doors were closed and oddly unguarded, but she she got closer, Twilight could hear muffled music. After introducing her to modern playback devices, Twilight found Luna to be quite the voracious consumer of music. Luna tended to enjoy the classics from her time period the most, but recently had taken to listening to more contemporary fare. The music Twilight heard coming from the Princess’ chambers now was decidedly recent with a quick, heavy beat and a liberal amount of electronic distortion. As she stood on the landing listening, Twilight was surprised to hear what sounded like a dubstep remix of an old Motown hit by Aretha Fetlock.

Twilight knocked gently and the door fell open slightly at the light pressure, the volume of the music jumping impressively. “Um… hello? Luna?”

Twilight pushed the door open slowly, not wanting to intrude on the Princess in her private sanctum. “Luna, your door was open and I…” Twilight blinked, her jaw hit the floor a second later as she absorbed the sight before her.

Luna, Princess of the Night and Diarch of Equestria floated a few feet off the floor, but it wasn’t her wings or magic that held her aloft. Her thighs were wrapped around a silver pole that spanned from ceiling to floor, holding her body up as her back arched and her starry mane hung to the floor. Luna’s wings dropped and pushed against the floor to start lifting her torso in rhythmic jerks and bounces that kept up with the beat of the music.

When she could reach, Luna pulled her body close to the pole with one hoof while her other worked its way across her belly and then up her chest and around her back to sweep up her hair until it was like a blue cloud surrounding her head. Her tail flicked to the side, swatting herself right on her Cutie Mark with an audible slap the made Luna gasp.

Twilight tried in vain to pull her jaw back up off the ground as the Princess started to spin on the pole. Luna had all four legs wrapped around its silvery length and her abs rolling in sync with the music so perfectly it would make professional belly dancers weep. Luna’s wings flared and folded, spreading across her body in a fan dance, giving hints at her curves as well as propelling her lazy spin until she was facing directly away from Twilight and presenting her with sensual curve of Luna’s back.

The Princess let go with her legs, holding the pole with her forearms, and planted herself with a wide stance, tail held high. Twilight could see both of her Cutie Marks and noted idly that the black part did, in fact, meet in the middle. Luna looked back over her shoulder and gave Twilight a mysterious smile before running her tongue slowly up the silvery pole.

“Ah, Twilight. Did you need something?”

Twilight twitched. She might have been trying to form words, but the Princess never heard them as Twilight chose that specific moment to topple onto her side, her horn flashing with the sparks of some half-formed spell or release of pure mana, and passed right the hell out.

34. 'Carrots' Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

More old Twiluna. This time they're getting lit off moonshine and carrot juice!

34. 'Carrots' Twiluna prompt

Luna smacked her lips and looked down at the bottle again. “And you say this carrot juice is fermented? It seems fine to Our palate.”

“Nononono… it isn’t fermented!” Twilight chuckled gently. “It has fermented spirits added to it by Carrot Top.”

“This Carrot Top is a brewer, by profession, We take it?”

“No, she’s a gardener. A sort of small scale farmer that uses a patch of land leased from Sweet Apple Acres to grow small batches of legacy vegetables, which she then sells at the Ponyville market. I get my tomatoes and carrots from her. As well as this oddly tasty carrot moonshine.”

Luna raised her eyebrows at the mention of moonshine. “If this Carrot Top is a serf, then from whence doth the spirits hail? And, pray tell, why are they called ‘moonshine’? This modern form of nomenclature wouldst imply it comes from Our great duty.”

Twilight grinned, the moonshine bringing a blush to her cheeks and loosening her mouth a little more than she might have planned. “Carrot Top gets the booze from Berry Punch, who - before you ask - is actually employed as a Florist of all things. She just happens to run a ‘still out of the woods behind her house. Somehow, Berry can drink the stuff straight. They rest of us have to have it cut and mixed with juice.”

Twilight leaned over, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper even though there were no other ponies to overhear them in the empty library. “Rarity prefers hers with frozen fruit slush, but don’t tell Applejack that. She thinks we all drink her family cider.”

Luna’s nose wrinkled at the smell of alcohol on Twilight’s breath.

“Don’ get me wrong, we all like AJ’s cider, but she only produces th’ stuff for three months out the year! What else are we supposed to drink the other ten months?”

“Fair Twilight… perhaps you have had enough? We can smell it from here.” Luna narrowed her eyes, looking the purple mare up and down. “You seem to Us to be well into your cups. A proper lady of Canterlot birth knows when she has reached her limits. We do not mean to lecture...We ourself are not known for Our own restraint, but since Our return We have tried to present a better role model.”

Twilight continued to lean in close to Luna and remained silent for a long time.

“You have a really pretty voice, Princess.”

Luna blinked.

“And reeeeeally purty...prety...pretty eyes.” Twilight took another sip from her bottle. “Theres a real good story behin’ the moonshine name. If you wanna hear it, we could go up to my room.”

“I got books.” Twilight added as an afterthought.

Luna looked at her own bottle and then back at Twilight. “Is it unbecoming of Us if...if We had a mind to take you up on your offer? It has been so long since last We visited the bed chambers of another pony.”

Twilight blinked. “Sorry Princess, is that a ‘yes’? I’m kinda tipsy.”

Luna nodded vigorously.

“Oh good! Then let’s-!” Twilight’s eyes bulged and her turned quickly in her seat, her mane and body blocking Luna’s sight as she evacuated her stomach rather loudly.

Luna placed a concerned hoof on Twilight’s shoulder as the other mare heaved. “Are we going now… or should We wait while you refresh yourself?”

36. Abandoned Fic Sundagio Fluff

Author's Note

Just a little bit of fluff with these two characters. I think the idea was that UNEXPLAINED MAGICAL EVENT was supposed to give them back some of their original forms, like a tail for Sunset, probably the same for Adagio and then it just devolves into cuddling.

I'm not going to finish it, so in it goes!

36. Abandoned Fic Sundagio Fluff

Adagio Dazzle was not one accustomed to butterflies in her stomach before a performance. Perhaps a cool sweat, itchy palms, or some restless jitters now that she was without the magic amplifying gem that used to be her constant companion. But butterflies was precisely what she was experiencing as she skimmed the lyrics print out for the hundredth time. The tune played through her mind, the words drifting by with the ease of literally thousands of performances for crowds of all sizes.

That was the real issue. The audience. She had sung in front of kings and queens, moguls and mongols, even the odd army in all her history. But this was the first time in all those years she had done so without the other sirens for backup and the audience of one was also her girlfriend.

Shouldn’t that make it easier? Adagio scowled and looked up from the lyric sheet to where Sunset Shimmer was standing. The other girl had her arms crossed and a patient, supportive smile on her face. There were standing near the Canterlot High statue, the front area of the school all but deserted on an early Saturday morning.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Sunset leaned her shoulder against the statue of the Canterlot Wondercolt mascot.

“Have I ever told you how much I hate it when you’re casually supportive like that?” Adagio narrowed her brows, looking back at the lyric sheet as if she could burn holes in it. “It pisses me off.”

“Why do you think I’m doing it?” Sunset smirked. “I am honestly curious to hear this cover. You’ve been practicing so much recently, we haven’t gotten to spend much time together. I figure if I irritate you enough, you’ll blow off more practice this afternoon and come over to put me in my place.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Adagio knew she was being manipulated by the former pony. It did irk her somewhat, but she didn’t mind so much. They hadn’t spent more than twenty or so minutes together in the last week due to all the time she’d piled on to her practice regimen to get her voice back in shape.

She growled low in her throat, stuffing the page into her pocket. “Let’s get this over with. I want to get some lunch soon.”

“Then back to my place?” Sunset’s smirk grew another notch. She knew she’d won from the sound of her Dagi grinding her teeth.

“Yeah…” Adagio lowered her voice to a whisper, “then back to your place.”

She drew a deep, calming breath, letting it out slowly to still the butterflies that continued to stir her insides. She was a consummate professional and by golly, she was going to act like it. Adagio put on her stage face like a warrior slips into a personalized set of armor, her trademark sly smile and suggestively smoldering eyes sliding on with ease. Her heart sped up when Sunset stood up straighter, her girlfriend’s eyes locked on Adagio’s own.

She was just opening her mouth to belt out a New Orleans jazz style rendition of ‘I Believe in a Thing Called Love’ when the statue, or more specifically, the square pedestal on which it sat started to glow. Adagio raised a hand to shield her eyes, the glow intensifying quickly, and called out to Sunset. The redhead stumbled away from the statue, Adagio rushing forward to reach her when the glow turned into a wave of magic that washed over them like an explosion.

37. "Dogs" Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

More Twiluna faffing about. The diamond dog in this is based on my own pet, Beatrice, who is a toy poodle. She has a mostly white coat with her ears fading to a rich chocolate. Here she is thinking she's cute.

37. "Dogs" Twiluna prompt

Twilight raised an eyebrow at Luna in silent questioning. They had an unexpected guest with them for lunch in the Canterlot Gardens. Luna had arrived fashionably late with the guest. Twilight had heard them chatting amicably as they approached and while she would normally have simply asked, her new royal status required her to wait for proper introductions. She found it difficult to control her expression as Celestia had taught her though as the guest turned out to be the fluffiest, potentially female, diamond dog she’d ever seen.

The diamond dog was very well groomed with white curly fur that faded to chocolate around the eyes and over the ears. The diamond dog’s coat was buzzed short over the haunches and upper legs and arms, making it look even bigger than it really was. The puffy afro that partially covered one of it’s eyes didn’t help Twilight keep her face carefully neutral.

Never one to waste time, Luna nodded in formal greeting before gesturing at their visitor. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, may I present to you Ambassador Beatrice of the Northern Equestrian Alliance of Diamond Dog Packs. Ambassador Beatrice, may I present her highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic.”

Twilight spread her wings and bowed in formal curtsie. “Greetings Ambassador. It is a pleasure to meet yo-mphfffghblt!” Twilight gagged as she found herself suddenly scooped into a tight bearhug, her face buried in the ambassador’s thick curly chest fur.

“Oh Princess Magebutt! You are too cute! Me love Princess Magebutt!”

Luna chuckled and muttered Twilight’s new nickname under her breath. “Ambassador Beatrice is here to help shore up diplomatic between our peoples. When sis asked her what she wanted, Beatrice pointed at the stained glass window of your ascension and just kept wagging her tail.” Luna shrugged. “So you can blame all this on Tia. It’s her faul-mmmphhffftbl!”

“Princess Moonmoon! So cute! Hug all the princess!”

Twilight frowned as best she could while having her face shoved against a furry chest and the surprised face of Princess Luna. “Ow doh yoew kep getnnin meg intow ese setuatuns?”

38. "Dream" Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

More from the old Twiluna Collab.

Of special note here, but this one relates to my fic Pony Dreams and its NSFW side-story, Wet Pony Dreams. In case you've never read those, the long and short of it is the dream diary is the one Twilight was writing her sex dreams in from Wet Pony Dream. The "Luna" she is practicing with before the real one shows up is the Nightmare/Element of Magic from Pony Dreams(think NMM as a separate personality that can act independently of Luna in the dream realm).

38. "Dream" Twiluna prompt

“What am I looking at here?” Luna looked up from the slim unadorned tome before her on the table and up at Twilight Sparkle who seemed extremely interested in the crepes on her plate as she sat across from the princess.

“Only the most...embarrassing thing I’ve ever written.” Twilight licked her suddenly dry lips. “It’s my dream diary.”

Luna nodded solemnly and remained silent for a long moment. She opened the book to its forward and read the short passage there about the book’s purpose and what it contained. Twilight looked up at her as Luna smiled when she reached the various warnings Twilight had written to discourage others, specifically Spike, from reading further.

“I take it that the enchantments have been removed?”

Twilight nodded quickly. “Oh, yes, of course! It’s safe to read.”

“Then let us see what you dreamed about me, shall we?” Luna smiled supportively, her cheeks blushing slightly.

What followed was an indeterminably long period of the quiet shuffling of pages and the soft breathing of the two ponies as they sat together in Ponyville’s lone library. Twilight held her breath as Luna read. Her heart threatened to stop every time she heard Luna pause or gasp quietly at the scandalous contents of the diary. She could feel her confidence from earlier fading with each passing second. With every page flip, Twilight grew increasingly convinced that showing Luna her dream diary with her recordings of the erotic dreams she had been plagued with was a bad idea, regardless of their newfound closeness. Finally, Luna closed the book. Twilight kept her head down and waited for Luna to break the silence. Her heart was beating in her throat so loudly, Twilight was certain she wouldn’t have been able to speak if called on.

The sound that came from the princess shocked Twilight. A low in the chest, almost musical chuckle drew her eyes up to the cat-like grin on Luna’s face. “Twilight,” Luna practically purred her name, “I never knew you felt this way. Or that you were such a… kinky girl. This pleases your princes-”

“No! Nonononono, Luna wouldn’t say something like that!” Twilight reached over the table and pressed her hoof against Luna’s muzzle. “Go back, try it again.”

~~~discontinuity~~~

Finally, Luna closed the book. Twilight kept her head down and waited for Luna to break the silence. Her heart was beating in her throat so loudly, Twilight was certain she wouldn’t have been able to speak if called on.

Luna drew a deep breath in through her nose and gently pushed the book across the table to Twilight. “I...I never…” Luna looked uncertain of her words, her mouth hung open as she searched for the proper phrasing. “I never knew you harboured such feelings. I would be remiss if I didn’t offer a hooves-on dream-counselling. Perhaps we could re-enact the second entry?”

Twilight growled, her brows furrowed as she shot a glare at Luna. “You are getting it wrong! Princess Luna most certainly does NOT feel that way about me! Not after what happened…” Twilight shook her head. “Do it again. From the top.”

~~~discontinuity~~~

Finally, Luna closed the book. Twilight kept her head down and waited for Luna to break the silence. Her heart was beating in her throat so loudly, Twilight was certain she wouldn’t have been able to speak if called on.

“Yeah…” Luna drew out the word, her eyes on the open book. She tapped one page with the edge of her hoof. “This part here on page six is kinda hard to make out. We’re both girls, so your use of feminine pronouns is really exaggerated and that makes it hard to tell just who is licking whoes-”

“Now you’re just doing it on purpose!” Twilight stood, knocking her stool back. “You are supposed to be helping me prep for the real thing when I talk to Luna later tonight!”

Twilight leaned on the table and pinched the skin between her eyes and she grumbled under her breath. “Once more, from the top.”

“The top of what?”

Twilight frowned and started to open her mouth when she realized that the Luna sitting across from her was actually the real Luna now and at some point when her eyes had closed the table became dressed in a satin cloth, set with candles and a silver pail filled with ice and a dark bottle of wine. Her small unadorned dream diary sat in a tiny display pointed at the princess with bright purple ribbon marking one page.

“Um.” Twilight blinked.

“Oh, did you select something for me to read?” Luna clapped her hooves together happily. “I’ve wanted to read more modern fare! Shall we discuss it over dinner?”

Twilight blinked again. “Bwah?”

Somewhere in the void beyond the dream, the Nightmare smiled.

39. 'Ostentacious' Unfinished Twilestia prompt

Author's Note

This one was never finished, and therefore never publish to the Twilestia Collab.

Interesting note: This was supposed to within the same continuity as my fic Taking Off the Masks and Cap(which is in the Collab).

39. 'Ostentacious' Unfinished Twilestia prompt

Her Sun was starting to set so Celestia thought it only appropriate to let her shadow lead the way through the crumbling remains of her old home. The Everfree had come to claim this place centuries ago. The roots that broke through the floor tiles and threatened to trip her was the forest’s way of rubbing it’s victory in her face. There were however, still a few places left relatively untouched by the passing of time. Hidden places where she and Luna had spent their time working powerful magic and just being sisters. Places where they relaxed outside of the constant view of their subjects. Places where they had privacy.

“I realize you want to read about my history, Twilight.” Celestia smiled as her student paused and looked back at her. “But I don’t believe there are any personal accounts of that time still in existence.”

She had made sure of that. The sacking and burning of the grand libraries was a tragedy that only she remembered now. Celestia could still smell the smoke of the burning papyrus if she thought about it enough.

“Perhaps,” Celestia paused, inhaling the ghostly scent of burning books and secrets long kept, “you would accept a recounting?”

She watched Twilight’s face split into a huge grin for a second before it turned disappointed. “Then this trip was a waste. I’m sorry Princess. I was really hopeful that there would be something that still remained here, like the journal that detailed the inner workings of the traps and prank devices in the ruins.”

“Oh, it isn’t a waste. I have enjoyed spending the time with you, Twilight.” Celestia allowed her smile to widen as Twilight blushed and the new alicorn’s wings rustled. She was glad to see that her shadow was finally starting to get the hang of her new anatomy.

“But we’ll have to go back to Canterlot, or at least the library in Ponyville! I didn’t bring any materials to take dictation or notes.” Twilight started to pace in the narrow hallway. “I’ll need quills and ink of course, and paper - lots of paper! Depends on the level of detail you want to get into obviously-”

“Twilight.” It wasn’t a question. The simple utterance of her name shut the tiny alicorn down mid sentence. Celestia leaned down to nuzzle the frozen pony, her voice a bare whisper. “I don’t want my words recorded. I told you at the party, last Nightmare Night, that I needed a pony that I could trust in.”

Celestia pulled Twilight close in a hug and reached with one wing to push a stone

40. Epic Meal Time/MLP crossover Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

More Twiluna. Also: a crossover with one of my fave youtube channels. Go check 'em out if you got a little time to waste!

40. Epic Meal Time/MLP crossover Twiluna prompt

Twilight held the camera up and turned it so that Luna could see the tiny buttons along its side. “You simply press the Record button and then point the lens at what you want to film. Understand?”

Luna nodded. “Yes, I believe so.”

Luna took the camera from Twilight in her own horngrip, turning it over as she examined it. “And after it is filmed, it may be played back on this little screen?”

Twilight grinned. “Yep! We can even watch it on the larger screen TVs or on the computer. Many ponies use cameras similar to this to film short videos and upload them to a service called ‘Ewe-tube’ where ponies all over Equestria can view them whenever they like.”

“How peculiar.” Luna smiled. “But perhaps this is a way we can show everypony what life here in the Castle is truly like?”

“Yeah. Want to get started?”

~~~*Some Creative Editing Later*~~~

Upload complete.

Video set to Public.

Click to Play.

~~~*Click!*~~~

“Salutations motherbuckers!” Luna smirked as leaned forward onto the kitchen counter where the camera was set. “Tonight We and our homeslice, Twi-Sizzle, are cooking up a four foot long - deep fried - hay twinkie! And when that shit is all golden and hot and drippin’-wif-sause, we’re gonna eat like it’s 999 up in the Canterlots!”

Twilight stood silently next to Luna with sunglasses on at night, totally not giving a buck.

“Hold on to your horseapples, it’s Princess Meal Time!”

~~~*Jumpcut*~~~

Luna gestured broadly at the large pots and cookware arranged before her while Twilight mixed a goopy batter. A Grams of Fiber counter appeared in the corner of the screen.

“We got all fixin’s. We got creeeaaam; made from the milk of minotaurs. They didn’t like that. So I had to...send ‘em to the Moon!” Luna tilted one huge mixing bowl to show the thick contents. “Twi-Sizzle is mixin’ the batter. Doing it with magic ‘cuz she ain’t real strong. But she got game. Batter believe it!”

~~~*Montage*~~~

“Now We pour that sweet ass batter into the pan.” Luna narrated as a close up shot displayed just that. “It goes into the oven and cooks for 35 minutes! While we wait on it, We start makin’ the real piece da resistance: sweet and sticky sause!”

The view changed to show Luna rapidly stirring a pearlescent syrup, little globules flying out of the bowl as she did so. “I like mine like I like your mom: smooth and rich.”

~~~*Edited in Oven Timer Noise; Montage 2*~~~

“Next we pull the hay cake outta the oven then we smother that beast in cream like we smothered my sister with a pillow last night.” Luna cleared her throat and continued in a mumble. “Not really. Love ya sis.”

The quiet background music swelled as the montage of cream spreading continued. “Now that it’s rolled up, we apply the sause! We deep fry it and apply the rest of the sause.” Luna tipped the large mixing bowl over and started to spoon the creamy topping onto the huge twinkie. After a moment she gave up with the ladle and just dumped the bowl before tossing it over her shoulder without looking. “We here on Princess Meal Time only take our sause one way: liberally.”

~~~*Jumpcut to Dinning Table; Consumption Montage*~~~

“Now We and Twi-Sizzle are going to swallow four feet of sticky log. Let’s see Tia top that. We’re gonna double team this shit from both ends! So keep yer peepers open wide as we get sensual as hell with this twinkie.”

Luan moved to the opposite side of the table from Twilight as the younger alicorn sliced and split the twinkie down the middle. They started slowly with decorum but it quickly devolved into the two ponies stuffing their maws with pound after pound of fried hay twinkie.

~~~*Jumpcut to Empty Plates*~~~

Luna wiped a hoof across her muzzle, smearing the white syrup more than clearing it. “Next time: we eat a car. Yeah, the whole thing. Like with a fork.”

41. Pony Dreams related Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

I'm starting to run out of these older Twiluna prompts. "Sun" was the prompt for this one.

This is in the same universe as my fic Pony Dreams. Celestia was the only true born Alicorn, Titan of the ponies, and defeated the titans of all the other Equestrian races. The implication here is that she saved Luna's life by transferring the power of one of the other titans into Luna and transforming her into an artificial Alicorn. One of the questions raised in Pony Dreams is the Nightmare is a natural part of Luna's psyche? Or something that stems from this artificial power?

41. Pony Dreams related Twiluna prompt

Luna groaned into the filthy heap of straw that served as her pillow and bedding. It smelled of sweat and bile and sickness but it kept her warm and off the hard stone floor of the cave. Her head swam and felt like it was on fire while her back was one numb ache. She was supposed to be dead. The fever took every pony that came in contact with it. It had taken her parents just a month ago.

Luna rolled her head and hacked up a mouthful of...something. It didn’t taste of sickness. It was sweet and thick like syrup. She didn’t recall drinking anything since the fever had robbed her of balance and she had collapsed into the hay that cradled her now.

“Wha...?” Luna gurgled and coughed again.

“Sister?”

Luna forced her eyes open and looked up at the last pony she expected to see. “Tia? Is...is that truly you or am I imagining things again?”

Celestia, resplendent in her golden armor with flowing rainbow mane and old jagged scars, stood over her with the stupidest looking grin Luna could recall seeing on her sister.

“I am not a dream, Lulu. I returned from my quest just this morn to find our parents passed and buried and you about to venture into the void with them.” Celestia eased herself into a comfortable seated position, her legs tucked under herself as her plate armor clacked and jingled like a dozen dull bells being rung at once. “I was almost too late. Some protector of ponies I am.”

Luna smiled slowly. “I thought I would never see you again but here we are. So, I suppose those freak wings of yours are good for something.”

Celestia’s grin fell slightly and she looked uncomfortable. “About that...how do you feel, Lulu?”

“Quite not dead, thank you. My head still feels thick and my back is numb from the shoulders to my haunches.” Luna let her head rest back against the straw and looked past her sister and out the cave mouth into the swirling snows. “I had a very strange dream as I lay here waiting for death.”

“A dream?”

“More a vision.” Luna breathed deeply as her mind resorted the images and sounds she experienced in the grip of fever. “I saw a great white castle. And a small lavender mare with eyes similar to yours. Her’s were prettier though.” Luna smirked at the irked look on her sister’s face.

“She was a great hero, I think, like you. An evil threatened the castle and I could not find you, no matter where I looked. This little pony came to save us, I think? Or, maybe I saved her? We were companions...I think?”

“My sister, the seer.” Celestia snorted. “Are you always this articulate when you speak with others in the dreamworld?”

Luna frowned. “No. Usually I don’t make sense at all.” She giggled softly. “My own dreams are...hard to describe. They are layered in a way that makes storytelling hard. And that is when I remember them. This was so vivid though, Tia, I could feel it. Feel her.”

“Feel her?”

Luna blinked rapidly and blushed. “Well...you know what I mean. But...we were close, I think, this pretty mare and I. She laughed with me, sung songs with me, we danced...maybe and maybe we did more. I think she loved me. It’s hard to remember it all and put it in words. She was very important to me. To you as well, though I cannot recall why. Maybe you taught her to fight?”

Luna sighed. “I remember that the evil threatened the castle and all ponies. You were...missing? I had to save everypony and this mare helped me.” Luna fell silent for a while. “Does a star surrounded by five smaller stars mean anything to you? It seems important for some reason.”

Celestia shook her head. “No, it means nothing to me. But this wouldn’t be the first time you’ve divined the future, sister. Perhaps it will be important later.” Celestia leaned forward, the light reflected from her armor casting strange shadows as she did so. “Do you remember telling me how you dreamed of flying by my side on day?”

Luna nodded. “Yes, that was many years ago now. I was still a daydreaming foal then.” She watched her sister’s face carefully. “Why do you bring that up?”

“Because now that my quest is over, we can see about that making that a reality.”

“My magic is for dream hopping, Tia, not cloud hopping.” Luna smiled and tilted her head slightly. “Is it truly over? Are we safe?”

“All the titans have fallen, Lulu.”

Luna’s smiled widened and she started to laugh, her body feeling less ill and heavy with every gaffaw. “Really? You are the last?”

“Well…” Celestia looked uncomfortable again. “Perhaps I am not the last, nor shall I ever be. I have you with me, Lulu, forever now.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Luna lifted her head as her body continued to regain its strength. She forced a hoof underneath herself and started to work her way up. “The other titans are no more, right? They won’t prey upon ponies again...right?”

“No.” Celestia looked down, her eyes hard. “I took care of that. They will never return. I am the only true born titan that still walks this world. That’s why...I did what I must. As I have always done.”

Luna opened her mouth to speak but said nothing as Celestia gestured at Luna’s sides with a graceful sweep of her horn. Luna turned again and got her other forehoof under herself as she looked at her still numb back. It looked red and ugly. Her matted coat needed a good brushing, she noted idly. Sprouting from her once smooth and graceful shoulders were two huge wings covered on downy plumage the same color as her fur where it wasn’t covered in dried blood.

Flight lessons would have to wait however. Right now, Luna could only scream.

42. MLP/60's Batman TV Show crossover

Author's Note

Originally a Twilestia prompt for Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, I don't think this was ever published to the collab itself, but I did post it in thread.

Enjoy my Celestia as played by Adam West.

42. MLP/60's Batman TV Show crossover

*BEEP!*

*BEEP!*

*BEEP!*

Twilight looked up from her book as the incessant sound reached her ears. Across the library, the bust of Eponymous glowed a bright cherry red in time to the beeping. It was a clear signal that justice was needed!

“Holy Horse Heads, Celestia! It looks like Mayor Mare is calling! There must be something nefarious ahoof!”

Celestia set her own book aside calmly and walked over to the flashing bust. She tipped it back to reveal a hidden button. Once pressed, a section of the library shelves swung way to allow access to two twin tubes leading somewhere below.

“That’s right, ol’ chum. Come, let us answer the call!”

Moments later, in a secluded cave far below the castle library, two mares stepped out of the shadows of twin sliding pole tubes. The taller of the pair wore a tight suit of black and maroon that hid her identity but not her thirst for justice. Her companion wore an equally tight red and green affair with a mask held firmly in place so that she too could pursue justice for the downtrodden with impunity. They had no names, but to the ponies they aided they were known as, the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well and her sidekick, The Pony Wonder!

Mare-Do-Well stepped up to the ringing phone set along a bank of marvelous and mysterious computational equipment and lifted it to her ear. “Yes, Mayor Mare? This is Mare-Do-Well, how may I be of service?”

“Thank goodness you answered, Mare-Do-Well! I have an emergency that requires your specialized attention and skills. Please come to the Ponyville Mayor’s office immediately!”

The line went dead and Mare-Do-Well hung the phone up before looking at her partner. “You heard the Mayor, Pony Wonder. To the Maremobile!”

“Can I drive?” The Pony Wonder stuck out her lower lip in a well practiced pout. “Pleeeeeaassee?”

“Hahaha! No.”

43. Appleloosa Redeye Incomplete Chapter 2

Author's Note

Way back when, I was thinking of writing a follow-up chapter to one of my lesser known stories: Appleloosa RedEye. Obviously, it never materialized.

tl;dr: Ms. Harshwhinny and Chickadee Peachbottom meet again on the late night train to Appleloosa and strike up a conversation, revealing that Ms. Harshwhinny is recently divorced and that Ms. Peachbottom packing some extra equipment.

While the fic is rated Mature, it probably should be Teen since there is nothing explicit in it.

43. Appleloosa Redeye Incomplete Chapter 2

The locomotive boiler engine at the front of the Appleloosa Redeye train hissed steam as the engineer fed more coal into the fire. It sat idle as Celestia’s sun eased into its second hour of heating the surrounding Equestrian desert. Soon it would be moving again, heading further south into the Macintosh Hills and then into the badlands beyond where it would reach the end of the line at the northernmost tip of the Mustangia Plains. The trailing cars behind the engine rattled in the early morning sunlight as cargo and ponies were loaded and unloaded in a rush.

The Appleloosa train depot wasn’t very large but it had more bustle than stations twice its size. Nagitha ‘Lovingcup’ Harshwhiny yawned as she reared up on her hind legs and stretched until her spine popped. Next to her, Chickadee Peachbottom slowly kicked out the kinks in her legs and blinked the sleep out of her eyes. The loading platform swarmed with ponies in wide brimmed hats moving crates and packages around the small group of sleepy passengers. The few other passenger ponies moved in small groups to the single opposite platform and found places to sit and wait for the next train to Dodge Junction, leaving Nagitha and Chickadee alone to regard Appleloosa in the distance.

“Welp.” Chickadee blinked slowly. “We’re here, hun.”

Nagitha ran a hoof through her mane and grunted.

Appleloosa sat in a dusty hollow between a couple of low red hills, probably about a half hour’s leisurely trot away from the station where the ground was level. The buildings sprawled outward from a main thoroughfare with only a few standing taller than a single story. The town hall loomed over the city with a gilded clock tower at the far end of the little valley, the time visible all the way out to the train station.

Chickadee turned and reached a hoof out for her faded floral print luggage. She grabbed air and stumbled for a moment, blinking in surprise at the empty space where her bag had sat just moments ago.

“Where’s my bag done got off too?”

Nagitha turned towards Ms. Peachbottom with a raised eyebrow. “What?” She looked behind herself and gasped at the luggage-free space. Nagitha reared up on her hind legs and shielded her eyes with her hoof as she scanned the platform from end to end.

“I don’t see either of our bags.”

“You think somepony mistook ‘em for bags going back on to the train?” Chickadee spun around, the last bit of sleep in her chased off by the shock of losing her bags. “There were right here, hun!”

“I know!” Nagitha dropped back to all fours and grimaced. “Nopony would be dumb enough to take our bags and put them back on the train. We were standing right here and they had tags on them too.”

“Then where are they, hun? All my spare shirts were in there! My sunglasses too!”

“Mine had all my bits in it.” Nagitha growled under her breath at the inconvenience and turned toward the station house. “C’mon Chickadee, lets see if this backwater has a lost and found.”

The station house did indeed have a lost and found. It held a few stray wide-brim hats and a single ukulele with no strings and a broken neck. Besides the lost and found the station house held a ticket counter, a few benches for travelers, bathrooms and a closet-sized office with a dinky sign over the door whose faded lettering proclaimed ‘Deputy on Shift.’

44. 'The Most Interesting Mare in the World' abandoned fic

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

A Story of Prompts and Existentialism...I guess?

Author's Note

Inspired by the list of suggested prompts for the October WriteOff. The bolded text are the prompts, IN ORDER that they were suggested(at least on my screen).

A Story of Prompts and Existentialism...I guess?

Literally, a Musical Number about The Edge Of Truth and Love: A Deeper Look at Living on a Prayer. We're Half Way There, so... Pick a Color for Good Villains? Figuratively, of course.

Well Butter My Back and Call Me a Biscuit! The Anticipation of Closing Time is killing me! That mare, She Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't Even Thank Her for the boozy Myths and Legends I met, Metaphorically, at the Top Of The World.

Such are the Forces of Nature, like The Anger of a Gentle Mare having Calm Conversations Ot Serendipity. I've Got a Feeling that the Dreams of the Sphinx are some sort of Friendship Games. But Behind Blue Eyes, Would it matter if I was? Digging for Gold?

Defy the Odds! But don’t mix Apples and Oranges or you’re in for An uneasy Night Outside In the outhouse. You’re sure to pass out, Still Kicking and pinching, and have weird Nightmare Fuel Can't Melt Steel Dreams. Friends and Foes abound, but beware The Mysterious and Mythical Multitalented Motled Merry Mare for she bears A Box Full of Tears. You will find Half a Pepperoni Pizza in Each Tower, Casting Shadows as they suffer Metamorphosis into that which you flush.

It is said that Home Is Where The Heart Is, that A Mare's Home Is Her Castle. A place where the Phantom Pain experienced by Those Left Behind is tremendous.

Lest We Forget, FiMfiction’s WriteOff Group is A Glass Case of EMOTION! Your Best Friend could like Coco Sword Pommel in Shoes?! Everyone knows socks are superior! These Parables, these fables of fiction and pony aesops are a Labor of Love. Our Legends Live Forever on the internet and we all agree that the Inclusive "Or" is Stupid.

46. Tiny Lesbean Storys: The Skype Chronic: Parts 11

Author's Note

I FOUNDED aNOHER ONe!!!11!!

46. Tiny Lesbean Storys: The Skype Chronic: Parts 11

When we last left our horse women, there was this big pink Lesbian Power crstal thingie that Chrsalis was laughing at. Pinkie Pie was helping Twi be not sick and there was fighting in the dugnoens? IDK.

Bug Queen looked at her minion(#4, mebbe?) "Hey. Go get me a pickaxe."

"Uh..." Minion 4 looked around. "Where do I get one?"

Chrysalis sighed triedy. "IDK, the hardwood store?!? Jus doit!"

Minion ran off to get the thing and Chysalis rubbed her bughooves together in evil ways. "Soon IA will be the Queen of all Lesbian and I will make Twilestia mine! Well, I'll add Celstais and then I get Twilestia. I already got one."

Meanwile, in the doctor office!

Pinkie Pie sighed and turned another bottle over to read the label. She shrugged and turned back to Twilight, who was looking somewhat green around the gills and slumped in an uncomfortable chair. "Sorry, Twilight, but all of these bottles are just labeled 'Pilz,' so I'm not sure if it's the right medication. I'm surprised at how far Fuzzy's writing has slipped."

It sould be ok." Twilight burped and gaffed. "I 'll take the meds and then we find BugQueen Chyrsalis."

Pinkie sighed and unscrewed the lid of the bottle in her hooves. "If you say so. I still don't know how you're saying so..."

Menawife in the dungeons blow the castle, the battle raged! Until it was over.

Celestishy wiped her hooves on her coat and smilled at Lunadance. "That was easy." Lunadanze froned. "You cheated cuz you weaknesss pot isn't AJ in neighponess bondage.

"True. Celestishy flapped her batwings and flew to the roof. "We can escape now. We have to stop Chrsalis from stealing the Lesbian Crystal power!"

Cadancelun nodded and picked up the AJ that was knocked out! "I'll put her in the lock up so she can't escape for later." "Wait, you mean it is hhere????"

Lunadance was surpised. The Crustal Lesbian power was magic and no pony knew about it except smart ones that go to skool(that is the moral of the story:)

Celestishy nodded cuz she was a smart pony and also sexxy. "Yep....!"

Back over at the thing, Chysilis was still doing evillaugh. She ran out of breathe, so she coughed and sucked on air untill she is breath again. Then the minion returned!

"Where is my crowbar?"

"You asked for a pickax."

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER YOU ARE A MINION! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MINIONS i HAVE DONE STUFF TO?"

"Nope."

Alot." She laughed but it was less evil this time cuz she didn't wan to run out of breathes. The minion got scareded. "Bring me a crowbar, Idk!"

The minion didn't want her to do stuff to her so she brought her what she wanted.

Chrysalis used crowbar! It was super effective! The crystal power Lesbianism popped out of it's place. She took it! And then Chrysalis became the Queen of All Lesbians Who Is More Powerful Than Twilestia Probably!

****Back in the dungeons&&&&

"Oh noe!1 We are too late." Flutterlestia said in surprises. "I can feel that the Matrix of Lesbian Leadership has changed to the bugpony Chrsalis!"

Lunadance gasped and then turned back into Luna and Cadance and they were very tired. "We are tired, sisiter! We can't help you" Cadance nodded. "Save Twi, then Twilestia can fight her and save everypone."

Luna pointed out she might want to breake up with Fluttershy or she might have to have a converzation with Twilight. "You might want to breake up first and not let Twi see that cuz she will thik you ar a cheater cuz you are but the isn'tt the way to see her for yoiu."

"That's a good idea. But maybe not. Twilight likes Fluttershy too. It might be kinky."

"GET YO HOOVES OFF MY FUTTERSKY!!!!!"

EVErypony gasped and looked up at the dungeon dorr. A white pony unicorn stoof there with a angry look on her faces. It was Rarity and she was pissed.

47. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 12

Author's Note

I KNEADED 2 RIGHT SOMETHING SILLY OK?!

SORRY, #NOTSORRYATALL

47. Tiny Lesbian Stories: The Skype Chronicles: Part 12

Wen last we left the horse heor girls, there was stuff going on? Mabbe?

Itsbeen awhile(sorry)

Oh yea, Rarity was thre and she was MAD! Mad at Celestria fo touching her Fluttshy! Celstershy was shocked! Shes never seen Rarity so mad except wehn her hats were ugos! And Rarity’sd hats were never ugo.

“Rarty! Why r u so madpissed?!? Celestashy asked, shocked?”

“Cuz you are touching my Fluttershy.” Parity yelled quietly. There were noreason to scream. “Pleasd stop it, darling.”

“Ok.” So they two ponies splits into Celestia, Princessof Centerlesbian and Fluttershy, Element of Cute. Also she was still flutterbat so extra sexy Cute. Rarity likes regular Fluffershy best tho, secretlyshelikes the bat to.

“Thank you!” Rarity said, darlingly. She ranned over to Flutterbatsan hugged her tight. “Imissed you! I was scared that you were caught by the shadow figure.”

Flutterbat/Fulltershy nodded really quiet and whisper in Rarity ear that she was. (AN: she doesn’t talk cuz embarareassed). Rarity gapsed! But nowTwi won’ted be mad too cuz Celestia and Flutters broke up.

*****************************up staris&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Pinkie Pie rubbed her chin with one hoof, eyeing Twilight critically. “Well...you look ok. Still breathing. You’re not turning funky colors. So the ‘pilz’ didn’t poison you.” She leaned forward and touched Twilight’s forehead gently. “How do you feel, Twilight?”

“How do I feel?” Twi loooked up slow and all dramaticly with her eyeballs. They glowd. “I FEEL AWESOME!!!!1111!!” “lETS GO KICK FLANK PINKE!”

“Um...ok?” Pinkie leaned back, grimacing at Twilight’s outburst. “I guess Fuzzy wants to get to the final showdown, huh?”

“YEPPS! let’s go!!”

======DOWNstaris======

“It is mine.” Chrysalis evil laughed and didn’t runned out of brethe. So she did it twice! “Lesbian power is awesomes.”

She yelld really loud and her minion coved it’s earholes with it’s hooves until she stopped and then it ran for cover cus she did it a trice time and it was loud enoug to break walls it made the sfloor shake and stuff and dust cam off it too and landing on the heads of all the ponies in Canterlot castle of lesbians so they would need a shower later.

“Can I com out now.” Minion askedt quietly when Chrysalis seemed like she was done being super eviler. “Yes, come out. I have another jerb fer you.”

“What?”

“Go get Twilight. I want to make her with Ceelestia and then I will show all the ponies I am the best Lesbian Queen and they will have to do what I say. Even the super tough lesbians in lesnbianjail.”

“They are tough.”

“I just said that.” Chrsalisd was mads. She threw the minion to the dungeons!9she didn’t put the minion IN the dungeons, she jus threw it there0.

(more downstairs))]

“lUNA blushed cuz she was watching Rarity mouth talk to Flutterbat but not make noises cux that made fluttersky more shy. They moved their lips alot. It was like air kisses and it was pretty hot. She hoped that Cadance likes air kisses. Maybe Twilight too. That wouldn’t be weird. Luna hopped.

A minion feld on her head. So Luna kicked it in the face! It made a schurchplatifffftt noise. It was gross. But nothing happened!

“I the queen threough me in here.”

“Why!!” Luna tried to kick the minion again be she missed. Celestia looked on.

“IDK! Jeeps! Twilight isn’t in hered. She must have forgots.”

“She did.” Celestia shook her head, watching Rarity and Flutterbat mouth each other. “Wrer is Twilight?”

“We put her upstairs.” The minion relaisized its mistakes. But it was two la8. Celestia exploded the roof that was the floor and flewd up! The minion tried to chase hers, but Luna and Cadance kicked it and thy didn’t not miss it this tiem. It was gross.

ALOT UPSTAIRS

Twilight exploded.

The floor that was alo the ceiling but under her! She feeld through the hole real fast! But Pinkie followed her and soon they were more less upstairs. Twillight was mad on power pils and ewesed her magics to blast more holes in walls and floors and stairs and bathrooms until they were a lot more down the stairs.

“Twilight!” Pinkie raced along behind the unicorn, dodging shrapnel from all the blasts as she went. “Slow down! You’ll burn up all your magic before we even get...wherever it is we’re going!”

“To Chrysalis! BugQueen has the Lebian Crystal Pinkie we Must Stop HER.” Twi screamed cux the explosions were loud. “Only some tlittle more to go.”

“I hope so! I don’t know how much longer Fuzzy or I can keep this up.”

========a different place======

Clestia broke the floor and flewd up into the room with the Lesbian Power Crytal od Lesbian Power. But it wasn’t there! Chrysalis was though.

“Oh. It is U.” Chrysalis gssed. “You are posed to be in jail?”

“I broke out!?” Ceeelst smilled. “I came to beat you with my hooffist.”

“Oh yea? Have at ytou!?” Chrysalis attacked! It was pretty cool with flashing lights ansd swooshy sounds. Her magicsk wased powerup from the pink rock thingie! Celestia wasn’t no match! So she fell down.

Next time! Qwhat will happen tho them! Can Twilight save Tia? Will Chrysalis win? What about the other guys??? Who nos?!!1

48. Science Dungeon

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

49. HiE: A Poem

Author's Note

It's more of a limerick, really.

49. HiE: A Poem

Once was a guy from the Isle of Coney
Who said, "I'mma fuck me a pony!"
The pony said, "Dude, that's pretty crude."
And hoof stomped his dick to bologna

50. Fleurdancing in Skype

Author's Note

Just a quick little bit of shipping with Fleur di Lis and Cadance for a friend - so that he never forgets how evil I really am.

His response:
[4/28/2016 3:04:34 PM] Misago: THIS IS NOT HELPING
[4/28/2016 3:45:17 PM] Misago: You
[4/28/2016 3:45:18 PM] Misago: monster
[4/28/2016 4:24:43 PM] Misago: god damnt it
[4/28/2016 4:24:48 PM] Misago: STUPID FLEURDANCE
[4/28/2016 4:24:54 PM] Misago: WHY ARE U DOING THIS TO MEEEEE
[4/28/2016 4:48:46 PM] Misago: You are
[4/28/2016 4:48:47 PM] Misago: evil
[4/28/2016 4:48:49 PM] Misago: evil
[4/28/2016 4:48:52 PM] Misago: EVIL!

50. Fleurdancing in Skype

"I love my little ponies. I love my little ponies. I. Love. My. Little. Ponies."

Fleur looked up from her Canterlot Times issue, her own smiling face adorning the cover, and over at Empress Cadance. The alicorn was droning on a mantra of love, aggressively undressing herself of the Imperial Regalia and tossing the pieces carelessly about their joint suite. Fleur marked her spot and set the magazine aside, rising gracefully to meet Cadance half way. "Rough day at court?"

"Yes, and no, I do not wish to talk about it." Cadance sighed tiredly, hanging her head. "I just want this day to be over with."

Fleur smiled warmly, ducking her own head to leave a light peck on the tip on Cadance's horn. That sent a shiver down the mare's spine and Fleur gestured toward their open living space and the soft mat where she did her stretches and yoga in between photo shoots. "Here, take a load off your hooves my dear, let me sooth you with a little bit of massage. I know it helps me after a long day."

Cadance sighed again, softer this time and with a smile on her muzzle. She nodded and trudged wearily over to the mat, flopping down on it with all the grace of a sack of bricks. The material was spongy and cool, quickly conforming to her belly and underside. Cadance spread her wings, resting her head on her crossed front hooves.

Fleur followed the Empress, waiting for her to get comfortable before gently placing her hooves on Cadance's back, at the base of the neck. She started to rub, pressing her hooves in to work the tight muscles there. "Poor dear, I can feel all the tension in you. After this, Nurse Fleur proscribes a hot shower and pasta. Maybe a little ice cream too."

"Only doctors can prescribe treatment...nurse." The alicorn's tone was playful, even as she groaned under the model's expert attention. "But I think I'll let it slide."

"But I like it when you put me in your dungeons!" Fleur giggled, working lower along Cadance's spine, over the taut wing muscles and powerful tendons there. She deftly dodged Cadance's tail when the mare flicked at her for that comment. She bit her lip in concentration, broadening her massage to encompass Cadance's shoulder blades and ribs. That earned her a purr of pure bliss.

"Lower, please, Fleur!" Cadance moaned, burying her face in her hooves to muffle herself.

The unicorn obliged, flowing down Cadance's back in tiny circles and kneading motions, hitting each successive group of muscles. When she reached the lower back, she moved outward again to massage her fillyfriend's twin cutie marks. They were particularly sensitive to touch, and Cadance arched her back, wing flaring wide. Fleur chuckled, working the edge of her hooves around the heart shapes on Cadance's flanks.

"Lower!"

Fleur looked up, frowning slightly and her motions slowed. "Are you sure?"

The Empress nodded, burying her head further under her hooves.

"Only if you're sure, Cadance. If I go any lower, I can't promise my hooves won't wander." Her fillyfriend didn't answer, but Cadance did slowly open her rear legs, giving Fleur access to more tired muscles. More tension to release. Fleur nodded solemnly. "As my Empress commands."

Indeed, her hooves did wander, pulling moans and sighs from the stressed royal until Fleur was certain Cadance was completely relaxed, pink coat glistening with a light sheen of sweat. She massaged each buttock, thigh, knee, and calf. She even rubbed the frogs on Cadance's hooves until the Empress was soft and limp as putty.

Cadance sighed when Fleur's hooves finally left her, the world melting away to nothing until she was floating in blissful relaxation. She was just starting to drift off when a jolt went through her, all of her nerve endings standing up at once, awaken by her true love's special kiss in a very sensitive spot.

"Fleur!"

The model didn't answer, but she did let her tongue do the talking for her.

52. Tenny Let's Bean Storah: Teh Spike Bionicals: Part 13ish?

Author's Note

ITS THT TEIM AGAN.

"I hope you brought clean underwear, because you're gonna make a poopie..."
-Mort

52. Tenny Let's Bean Storah: Teh Spike Bionicals: Part 13ish?

When leat we lwedft our horsewomenh34eroines, stuff! Chrsabil was evilr then reglar, but Celestia and Twligt were blastholes in floors and ceelings! Pinkie Pie was there too. Cadeance and Luuna was in the dugeons wit Rarishy(but they were not together like Twilestia, just air kissed!!!))

Minio #4 picked up it’s gross face of the floo inthe dugeon. It was mad, but cheasd after the poinies but it lost them cuzsecretly did want to get close to Chrysalis)

Luna carried Rarity on her back like a real horse, cept they was flying through wholes whih isn’tvery realikeistic. Idk, but they wereokay?! Don’t flame. Cadance anFluttershy flappped vent to themand made kissie faces at them cuz it was fun and hot and stuff and they felt like it. ;Luna dien’t knos wif Fluttershy was making kisses at her or Rarity but she hoped Raritiy tididn’tr wget super pissed again. THat woiuldls be bad.

“Man, wy typing is bad. I will get a edittid. Promise.”

“What, SAID CADence?”

“No one said nothing,” Luna double negativeed. “That was Fuzzy broking the 5th wall.”

:”ok”
They flepped throuh the whole where the floorceling used 2b and they saw something very bad!

Queen Lesbian Chrysalis was on top od CelestiaPrincess of Caterlestibian! Except it wasnot hot! She was beating up Tia with her powdered up hoovies! Celestia loookd bad!

“What dod we do?!” Fluterbat whispered. She is still shyeven tho she is bat. Buit it was aloud whisper, ok? Chrysalis didn’t hear it maybe.

We must help! “Cadance land on the floor were it was not whole and point at lUNA””We must form up!”

“What about us.” Darling rarity’ed.

“We want to helped.” Yellwhisped Batterfly;

“Only Allcorns can fuze.” Cryied Luna and Cadance cuz a Rarishy would be hella cute.

“Maybe if we all kis real hard!?”

That seemed legit. “But won’t Rarity is mad abouttouching her shybat?” Luna landed next to Candance

Eyever1 looked at white mcstitches horse. “Darlings...just aks permisson 1st. Duh.”

“Ok. Rarrar, caned we kiss you Flutterbat?” Luna aksed and batted her eyelash. Cadank batted her eyebrows. It was lewd. “It ok with me. But is it ok fluutershy?”

Flufferbutt nodded. “....”

Chrsalizal ingoner them cuz she was winning tecnically and that is what bad guys that are girls do when they are wins. It’s in a book. Look it up. Luna did, so there. Then they start kissed 4ways and it was sexy but with like, 4 x(the letter, not the math thingie]. Cadane and Lunnstarted first then Rarity and Fluttershy started too and kissed at the same time on all their lips. Luna secretly used tongue. So did Fluttershybat, but like, a lot of tongue cuz she’s not shy with kissing her friends Rarity.

Therewere magic flash.!

Then there were Flutterdance, Alcapone of Shy Love! She was a yellow pink color and had amazeballs hair. Lunarity was there two and she was double classy lady with grey coat and twinklstar mane thing. She was alicrom of Classyness, like in a cocktale dress and hiring detectives in movies kinda? That stuff, idk.

“Now we fight!” Futerdance charged, but shyly cuz she was part Fluttershy and didn’t like running. “We also!” Lunarity said cuz she likes attention. They ran to Celestia

BIUT! CHRASLIPS HAD THE LESBIAN STONE POWER STONE AND USED IT TO POWER HER LESBIANNESS! She kicked them with her front hoofs like punches but thei are hooves which are like feet for horses so it was still kicking. Its Science. She knockked them back and did the really evil laugh thing again and more dust got on everypony at the castle and they needed showers again.

“FOALs! I am the greatest lesbian!”

“What about the lesbians in tough lesbian jail?” said one of the minioms. But not 4, bcuz it was gross in the floor. Let’s say it was #2, ok? Okay. Chralis punch/kicked it in the face but it was less gross than 4 bcuz she was nice this time. “I am tougher than them and more lesbian!”

Chrysalis laughed again and brushed ceiling dirt out of her hair. She was going to punchkic again but was enterupted!!!!1

The ceiling exploded and put more dirt in her hair!

Twilight arrivced. Pinkie Pie was still more up stairs btu getting closeer!

“Clestia! I will save you. Twilight yelled”. She dived right on top of Chrysalis and did magic to her and it was hot. Because it was fire.(Ha, gotcha)....

The fire covered everything! It was so big cuz Twilight is gud at magics. Celestia was impressed because she can’t feel fire. But Cadshy and Rarruna could@ so she put a shield on them that sounded like bbuuusssszzzwappft. That made her giggle. This was no laughen matter thought so she stoped. Celestia got up real fast and jabbed Chrsalis with her horn.(A/N; Horns are sharp. Don’t play with the kids with them. Kids that GORE don’t SCORE, but Celestia does cuz she is a Princess. RUA PrinCess? No, din’t think so.) It hurt and she threw Twlingt off her back and the fire went out

cHYalis was like super pissed. She turned around! “I will show you.” She talked really loud. “I am the bestest lesbians evertherewas!!!!” She really ment it 2. She used lesbian power to power her horn power and aimed it at all of everybody!!

“Oh no.” Yelled everypony!”

What will hapen next! Wil they win?? Who is the cutest fusion? Find out in the next tiem I write this!!!!!

52. Little Beam of SunLight

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

53. Darkest Chocolate

Author's Note

I wrote this months ago, before officially starting on the Crackshipping project. It was also intended to be clop, eventually, but I lost interest.

53. Darkest Chocolate

Dance music wafted through the tiny building up from the phonograph turntable in the back corner while the faint smell of paint wafted through the air. Most of the shop’s windows were open to disperse the fumes, but the tepid breeze flowing in from the warm Manehattan summer really wasn’t helping keep it from lingering. The soon-to-be first location of Coco Couture looked twice as big as it was, now that the walls were all invitingly white. The floor was covered in paint-splattered newsprint to protect the polished hardwood while the area rugs, furniture, and various shelves and racks were all stacked and ready in the back storeroom.

On the last wall, right across from the door, the old paint still bled through, though it was quickly being covered by a second coat of white. A wide grin curved Coco Pommel’s lips as her hips and hooves moved in time with the music and the words sung in some eastern Stirrupean language. White paint dotted both her cheeks and clothes in a careless manner, her short hair pulled back in a ponytail and stuck through the back of her Canterlot Wondercolts ball cap to keep the paint off. The effort was apparently worthwhile, however, as primer already splatter the team’s logo to the point of illegibility.

Coco ‘sang’ along—if mouthing a rough approximation of the sounds around a paint brush counted as singing—bending to dip her roller in the tray once more. She could have had professionals handle the painting, but after her meeting with Rarity two summers before, she found herself inclined to be more self sufficient. Plus, it saved bits.

The front of her simple coverall outfit was just as splattered with errant blots of white as her ball cap, but she’d cut the rear pant legs very short to mitigate the heat of the season. The jean shorts that she was finally comfortable wearing, rode up even higher and a few strands of her blue hair slid down across her eyes as she moved. Coco glanced up, mouth still moving along to the song and blue eyes absent, lost in the rhythm of the upbeat music.

The empty shop suddenly dimmed and Coco found herself with company and paintbrush to chest with a tall mare that was as black as the walls were white. The roller flew into the air with a loud squeak and she stepped back… right against the freshly painted wall. “Oh dash it all, Nightmare! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“What? Do you wish me to appear with some sort of noise? Perhaps a spirited call of ‘Boo!’ before I emerge into your waking awareness?” Nightmare Moon exclaimed innocently, holding a cobalt armored hoof to her chest. “Would you rather something more appropriate for a haunting? A low moan, or rattling chains? Or maybe just the chill of death blowing across the back of your neck? I am a Goddess, not some dime a dozen poltergeist.”

“You almost scared the horseapples outta me! And now I’m covered in paint!” Coco wailed in distress, twisting around in vain to survey the damage to her coat and rear.

“You were already covered in paint.” Nightmare Moon pointed out, laughing idly.

“And I ruined the wall! Thanks to you, my backside is going to be imprinted on the wall of my shop. Really, I was sort of intending to use promotional material for that.” Coco’s rolled her eyes and finally gave up trying to look at her backend. “Why must I be the one that gets cursed with you?”

“What? I didn’t push you into the wall, now did I? In fact, I seem to recall it was your clumsy flailing that broke my precious vase, mere moments after it was unearthed. Yet another of your attempts to save a day’s wage by doing the work yourself. Whoever heard of a mare breaking ground for building? It’s a blessing my enchantment upon it was still active! Curse indeed...have I not supplied you with invaluable advice? Have I not aided you every step of the way in this fool’s business of yours? If either of us is cursed, it is surely me!” The Nightmare smiled wickedly, twirling her hoof around in a slow circle. “Turn around. Let me survey the this tragedy that is you rear.”

“I’m probably going to have to chop all of my tail off now.” Coco grumbled angrily as she did as bidden. “I said I was sorry about the vase, didn’t I? It’d been over a thousand years since you left that stuff here, so it’s a surprise any of it survived. I am grateful...but my tail! I have a meeting with another investor tonight!”

“It’s just paint. It’ll wash out…eventually. I swear, you modern ponies are all full of back talk and ingratitude. In my time, ponies knew their place.” Nightmare Moon burst into laughter seeing the large white stain. “Your courtesan’s attire isn’t so bad. It might yet be saved with a proper washing. Your tail, sadly, took most of it.” Her gaze lingered a little on said white-covered blue tail.

“Oh great.” The song playing on the phonograph ended with a final whistle of flutes and high pitched voices. “I was enjoying that.” Coco continued to whine. She cast a disgruntled look over her shoulder at the tall spectre. “Are you done looking yet? I wanted to finish the room before lunch.”

Nightmare Moon nodded, her gaze still firmly on Coco’s tail and backside. “I was enjoying the song, too. You move well when set to music.”

“Are you checking me out?” Coco asked suspiciously, flicking her tail and watching Nightmare Moon’s odd draconic eye track the movement. The spirit—or ghost, or whatever she was—was strangely cute in her single mindedness. She truly was a font of advice when it came to handling the paperwork and clerks and wealthy investors involved with making Coco Couture a reality. A service she supplied in exchange for certain...benefits.

“I may be.” Nightmare Moon answered evasively, grinning and stepping back for a better view. Her hoof landed right in the tray of wet paint, passing through it as easily as a living pony passed through an open door.

“Again? We’ve been stuck with each other for months and summer’s almost over, too. Aren’t you used to it yet?” Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling in mock exasperation, her own mouth twitching into a smile.

“I am accustomed to it, yes. However, I am used to having a full harem of willing ponies to fulfill my every whim and desire. My pleasure was their only concern. Now, all I have is you.” Nightmare Moon murmured quietly, leaning forward to kiss the curve of Coco’s ear. A gentle shudder ran down the living mare’s spine at the barely felt touch. “So my appetite is understandably...prodigious.”

“You might wanna stay back. You’ll get paint all over your clothes, too.” Coco teased, turning back around.

Nightmare Moon glanced down at herself, her eyebrows rising. She wore her ancient armor of cobalt and obsidian, gray-blue metal covering her chest, hooves and head. “I’m incorporeal, Coco.” She pointed out dryly. “I cannot get paint on myself, no matter how I try.”

“Right. But I don’t think intentionally rubbing yourself all over me is the point.” Coco remarked as she stepped over to pick up her discarded roller.

She missed the smirk on the spirit’s face.

“I think that’s exactly the point.”

“Wha?” She straightened and blinked in surprise as one arm wrapped around her waist, heedless of wet paint, and the other pushed up the bill of her cap.

“Rubbing myself all over you sounds like a great idea. Or at least… something very close to it.”

“Oh…” Her face flooded with color. “I walked right into that one, too, didn’t I?”

“Yes. You did.”

54. TinyLesbianStori: the [s]skype[/s]Discord chromicles(port 13 or 14 idk)

=====================================================================

Whn lasttime we left those ponies is hero girls, stufff was happning. It wes bad stuff. Like…..supra bad like bad. Queen Princess CHRYSlot bughorse was& power crystal of all Lesbians. Thats a lot of powers.

BUT(NOt butt wif 2 t’s tho’) we re not doing THAT!!!

Ensteed, we are going to look at bacgroun pone AJ in the backround. AJ is Applejak incase you don’ted remembers. She was there...let me chk...ctrlF...uh

Lonf time ago.

So we are gointop catch up wif Apppejazz. Cuz I HINTED IT THat i would! You had 2 payattencen. ASO, AJ WERE in the jail. Cadanula putz her there cuz she didn’t have a princess to kiss and make a super lesbean. Iwas going to just forget her, but then Id watched the show more andnew princess came! Furby Heart! I know this she is a foalkid in the show, buttthis is my writing tso we can do whatnever iw want!(REMEBR U CANT FLAME ME)!! SO what-if Furby HARD came from the future where she was bigger? Lkie maybee Bigger leik AB but older so not gross or weird? Allcorn princesssses age funky, it’s my headcannon.((come at me bro)) SO Nwo the story starts………………………………………….APPLEJAKE woke up in jail, but not the super tough lesbian jial outside citylimits. It was destroyed. But if AJ went to jail, it would be that jail, cuz she is a tough lesbian. But she couldn’tnot go there b&cuz it was destroyed, so that mean she was in canter;lot castle jail under the floor that everypone used big words like ‘done-gone” to describe cuz it was for special sofisticated lesbians that might still be toughbut wasn’t famous for that. So like Rarty. That pissed AJoff more than the bars! She bucked them ded off the door until the bars were bent all the way.

It was notuse!

The bars weren’t apple trees so...no awesome powers for background horse.

The end.

!

Except IT WASN’T

Jus when AJ thought that she would go to slept, there was a explosion. The was surprised. So was minion four who was still asllep, becuss I said so! Minon4 woke up and kikked her bars too and broke her shell thingie bugs have! It sorta hurt, but not al ot! She lost a leg thoug. It wasn’t a big dealio.

“Who are you?” said Apeljack in aj’s accent.

“I am princess. Sayed the explosion.

“

‘What?!” AJ was surprised now. “How did you come from the future!??”

“How did you know I was from the history?” the baby who was not a baby and totally legal age of consent for EVERYTHING said with her wide eyes.”I know cuz I read the script.”

“Now it was the explosion turn to be surpised, but she was cool, so she put on her sunglass and walkd awa in slowmotion animation.

“Don’t go!” asked Applejerk. She yelled: “PLease let me Out of Here.””I will twell no on that you are time travel.”

“U PROMIS?? The exlosion looked with her scowl. “I promise, yes” Aplejacks yelled(but queit cuz she didn’t want to wake up minion4 again. AJ is good at body languafe, does the Helen Keller and talks with her hips. So she knew Minion4 was secret good guy! Like a good changeling(THSAT IS MY ORIGINAL IDEA DONOT STEEL!!!!!!), but that was crazy. Applejacks was just a good pone.

“I primis.” I am called Pribcess Furby Herty, Princess Cadance is my mom.”

“Who is your dad?” AJ raised her eyebrow(™). “Famly is important to Apples. Like sunshine and celery stalks.”

“Princess Candance is my father!” Furbyherp saidyelled.

“NO! That is unpossible!”

“Y”

“Cuz reasons!” Applejack can’t lie so Furseemart knew it was true.(AN:plus there are no males in Lesquestria)But are from the future, so I trust you, Princess Flurb.”

“Yes.”

“Now we must make sexy smoosh facesateach oth er. So we can be a super combo fusion thingimabob.”

“No.”

aPPLEjaks was cereal! How could this be? Princess kisses all the mares, so why not her 2?{seriously}]!she wasn’t uggos so whatweas the deal? I typed this part wth the vcat in my hans sory if it’s not gooder then the redy(an).

‘Y not??’ Applejk shouyed. ‘I am worthy of lesbians powers too.”

Furby heart noddded. “U R. But we cann’t fight Cripslyss.”

“Applejack is moar surprise. “What does tha5t mean?”

“It makes a pair of docks.” Furby Hears was sad,but also not. “Theory[edit]

Some theories, most notably special and general relativity, suggest that suitable geometries of spacetime or specific types of motion in space might allow time travel into the past and future if these geometries or motions were possible.[21] In technical papers,physicists generally avoid the commonplace language of "moving" or "traveling" through time. "Movement" normally refers only to a change in spatial position as the time coordinate is varied. Instead they discuss the possibility of closed timelike curves, which areworld lines that form closed loops in spacetime, allowing objects to return to their own past. There are known to be solutions to the equations of general relativity that describe spacetimes which contain closed timelike curves, such as Gödel spacetime, but the physical plausibility of these solutions is uncertain.

Relativity predicts that if one were to move away from the Earth at relativistic velocities and return, more time would have passed on Earth than for the traveler, so in this sense it is accepted that relativity allows "travel into the future." According to relativity there is no single objective answer to how much time has really passed between the departure and the return, but there is an objective answer to how much proper time has been experienced by both the Earth and the traveler, i.e., how much each has aged (see twin paradox). On the other hand, many in the scientific community believe that backward time travel is highly unlikely. Any theory that would allow time travel would introduce potential problems of causality. The classic example of a problem involving causality is the "grandfather paradox": what if one were to go back in time and kill one's own grandfather before one's father was conceived? But some scientists believe that paradoxes can be avoided, by appealing either to the Novikov self-consistency principle or to the notion of branchingparallel universes, such as in the Everett–Wheeler many-worlds interpretation.

“

*confused hick horse noises* Applejack not Flyby Hertz

“”We must go to the future and make smexxy smoochs with each other bcuz there is even bigger bader lesbian in the future with future lesbian powers!” Furby Hurt stpped 4words and kicked the bars until they were flat. That broke them. “Come with me, Applesac, if you want to live.”

“I like living. Are you a sexy roboi princess that is why you only hav 1 parent?”

Furry Snarf thought that was hot, so she was a robot. “Beep boop.”

“That’s racist.” And then AppleAJ went to the future and had hot robot kisses with the hot robot princess that looked like a real girl and they merged, but not like Twiliestia, becuz it was the future. They mearged like a transformer. AJ is very flexible.

NEW TIME: Back to the other horses! Enjoy the waiting.!!1

55. Dance Dance Political Revolution

Author's Note

More cleaning out my digital cupboards!

I started this as a little something for Misago months ago, but I just lost the will to keep going with it. It's got like, one joke in it, so there's that. Otherwise, it's very much unfinished and will likely never be.

55. Dance Dance Political Revolution

“Spike, hit it!”

“If you say so, Twilight.” Spike rolled his eyes and tuned the small crank on the deluxe gramophone that Twilight had purchased—and directed him to install in the castle’s empty ballroom—not twenty minutes prior. The record on the turntable, likewise recently purchased, started to spin, sending pops and hisses of static out of the speaker. A moment later, actual sound started to pour out as music filled the room.

In the center of the huge space, Princess Twilight Sparkle held a large book aloft in the aura of her magic. It was a soft cover book, and therefore one she’d usually overlook in favor of books with a bit of backbone to their spines. It was also in large font, had less than one hundred total pages including the table of contents, and was—rather embarrassingly—illustrated. In its defense, however, it did come highly rated for those looking to learn how to dance.

As a sad fact of her new royal life, Twilight ‘Clutzasaurus Rex’ Sparkle needed to learn how to dance. She needed to know how to put one hoof in front of the other in time with music, and she needed to know it before the next royal gala. Her friends in Ponyville were well aware of her...condition. They all offered to help, but it was too embarrassing for her to accept. She had cracked Haycarts’ Theorem before her first day in Magic Kindergarten. She had finished Starswirl the Bearded’s last spell. She had invented a whole new school of magic for crying out loud!

Dancing, irritatingly, continued to elude her comprehension. After exhausting her Ponyville-based resources, Twilight reached farther afield, and tapped one of her oldest friends for aid. Somewhat disappointingly, Moondancer was just as rubbish with rhythm as Twilight, but she did know a book that held the answers Twilight was seeking. A book that she now owned for herself. A book called…

“Dancing for Dummies: A Gentrified Guide to Gliding Gracefully at Any Gathering or Gala, Guaranteed.” Twilight squinted at the title, her eyes scanning the following script. “An illustrated guide by Equestrian Stage Sensation: Fleur di Lis.”

Twilight flipped the page, narrowing her brows as she searched for more substantive text amid the glossy photos of a unicorn twirling, dipping, spinning and dropping gracefully. Besides the page number and printing documentation, the guide was so far less than illuminating. At least the pictures are nice. She sighed and flipped several more pages until she finally landed on one with a higher concentration of words.

“Here we go! The basics of rhythm!” Twilight rubbed her hooves together, absorbing the knowledge she so desperately craved. Unfortunately, she soon realized that much like painting, poetry, and water polo, dancing was more of an ‘art’ than her beloved science. But there were some useful tidbits.

“First: listen to the music and identify the base beat rhythm. Slower paced songs call for sweeping motions and smooth moves that flow seamlessly from one stance to another. Fast beats are better for dance moves that pop and change direction quickly for flash and showy presentation.”

“Do you have to narrate the book, Twilight?” Spike yawned from his stool, turning the gramophone's crank steadily. “I know how to dance already.”

“You also know I retain information 22.4% better when I pair auditory recitation with reading.” Twilight shot the dragon a look over the top of the book.

56. Federally Financed Fillyfoolin' Farmers (Story Idea)

Author's Note

A little story seed that never sprouted into an actual story. Was inspired by a Facebook trending news story from several months ago about the US gov't paying subsidies to people that identified as lesbian or gay to move to rural areas and start farms.

Basically, I'm trying to clean out my gdocs folder again.

56. Federally Financed Fillyfoolin' Farmers (Story Idea)

Applejack discovered that she has a lot of new neighbors! All of them are mare couples, and while they seem nice enough, they don’t have a lick of sense when it comes to farming. Turns out, all of them decided to become farmers, despite knowing nothing about it, because the Princesses are paying top bits to fillyfoolin’ mares that also farm!

Applejack is glad to have new friends to talk to, but these ponies are in for a bad time when the winter comes and they have nothing to show for their efforts. So she takes it upon herself to help them out, by teaching a class on basic farming right from Sweet Apple Acres!

Now if only these dagnab city-mules would stop flirtin’ and start listenin’ to what she has to say…

58. SciTwi Trying to Flirt

"Sunset!"

"Yes?"

"I just wanted you to know I'm not wearing socks."

"So?"

"More importantly; I've got the panties that match."

59. SciTwi Trying to Flirt 2: Flirt Harder

Author's Note

ULTIMATE FLIRT MUSIC INTENSIFIES

59. SciTwi Trying to Flirt 2: Flirt Harder

"Sunset!"

"What?"

"Are you a Galaxy Note 7?"

"Noooo...?"

"'Cuz I want you to EXPLODE ALL OVER MY FACE!"

"Oh for Celestia's sake!"

60. SciTwi Trying to Flirt 3: The Flirtening

"I just can't stop thinking about Sunset. Rarity! Do you think I should try calling her again?"

"But you've called her sixteen times in the last few minutes, darling."

"And I sent her twelve pictures of my whisker biscuit."

"Twilight...darling...can I be honest with you for a moment? When you talk about these sorts of...er...romantic interludes, it makes one rather uncomfortable."

"Why are you uncomfortable, Rarity, it's just a clunge."

"Stop that."

"Cave of wonders."

"No."

"My clown's pocket?"

"Twilight, please."

"My hoo-ha, beef curtain, front bottom?"

"..."

"Come on, Rarity, you don't like me talking about my bearded oyster? Hippo's yawn?"

*sigh*

"Just let me call her from your phone, please?!"

"Oh all right!"

*beep beep boop*

"Hello, Sunset?"

"Ahh! Leave me alone!"

*click*

"Yeah...she wants the V."

61. You Guess the Title!

Pinkie Pie whistled to herself, skipping gaily through Sugar Cube Corner afterhours. Her shift was well and truly over, but she wasn't ready to head home yet. The Cakes, tired of cooking all day had ordered pizza for themselves and offered her a slice! She loved pizza! Even if it wasn't actually like pie, though in some places it WAS a pie! In Canterlot City though, pizza was flat, round, and eight to ten slices of heaven, depending on size!

Pinkie was just finishing her fourth lap of the main lobby when the front bell buzzed. She squealed in pure carbaholic glee and rushed to the door. "Pizza's here!"

When she yanked open the door, Flash nearly dropped the box he was holding while leaning against it and trying to fish the receipt and a pen out of his pocket at the same time. Thankfully for the pizza, Pinkie was fast enough to save it from hitting the sidewalk. She held it up over her head like the uber-experienced waitress she was, using just her fingertips, cocked her hip to the side and grinned down at Flash Sentry. "Hey you! I hope this has the all the toppings we ordered or someone's going to be making two trips tonight!"

Flash groaned out something unintelligible, one shaky hand rising with the prepaid slip.

Pinkie yoinked out of his hand and slammed the door behind before bouncing her way over to a large table. She dropped the box down and dropped herself to her knees, eyeing the table top from a low angle. It was the way Gummy saw the world and it gave her a thrill to think of pet alligator hunting and taking down a wild pizza beast! She knew he'd lie in wait until just the right time - which look at the clock, was right now! - and then make his move and lay his soon-to-be-meal's defenses low. Pinkie yanked the box open , throwing back the cardboard and gazing with ~~hunger...lust...lunger?~~ primal emotion at the tender, steaming, melty goodness of it's innards!

She could smell it! She could almost taste it! Which her stomach then reminded her brain that she could do, the Cakes had said so! Pinkie growled low in her throat, opening her jaw wide to snap at the crusty bones of her prey and feel its cheesy flesh and tomato basil blood run down her her gullet. Then her brain reminded itself that she wasn't an alligator, and the Cakes always got mad when she left sauce on the ceiling. So she stood up, grabbed a napkin and tucked it gently into the collar of her shirt.

"Okay! Now remember brain, and you listen too stomach, we only need one piece! These shorts are getting tight already and you remember what happened last time..." Pinkie shivered at the memory. It was mostly a good memory, really. But it ended with her getting banned for life from the Chinese buffet, and that part was still scary. And depressing.

Pinkie grabbed a single slice of hot, fresh pizza, licking her lips and patting herself on the back for her superior self control.

The top button on Pinkie's shorts burst, rocketing off toward the back of the shop. Pinkie looked down at her cheese stained napkin bib and protruding belly. "Oh goddamn it."

62. 'End of the Line' WriteOff Entry Feburary 2016

Author's Note

I wrote this for one of the "Original" WriteOff rounds, toward the start of 2016. I was pretty sure I entered this one, but I can't find it under my author name there.

Oh well.

Originally, this wasn't pony themed, and you can probably tell that I was playing a bit of Fallout at the time. New Vegas, not 4, FYI. I modded it a little and now it's here.

62. 'End of the Line' WriteOff Entry Feburary 2016

The end of the line. Literally. Abruptly. Finally and other such two-dollar words that end in ‘ly.’

The cinder blocks that the line runs right into look fresh. Fresher than the drywall and peeling paint on the walls, at least. There are cracks in the mortar. Chips in the concrete barrier. A stain. Or maybe a scorch mark.

Hard to tell in the poor light from the one flickering florescent overhead.

End of the line in more ways than one maybe. Perhaps some other poor soul had wandered in, enticed by that flickering light, and found their personal end right here where the trail stops in a hastily constructed barrier. Back down the hallway leads the line. Yellow paint that’s just as faded and peeling in places as the green on the walls. It lead somewhere, once. Now it was just a mockery, a false hope in a world gone wrong. It leads out, maybe, but no one wants out. No one wants what’s out there.

It’s what inside that’s desireable. Whatever survived. Whatever can be used to survive just a little bit longer.

Whatever it is, is past the concrete. Past the barrier. Maybe even beyond the pale, if you subscribe to the tales elders tell themselves at night to ward off the cold and present. Whatever is beyond the barrier may be in the past. From the Before.

It wouldn’t take much. Some C-4. A stick of dynamite in the right place and the whole wall would come right down. But that could ruin the whatever from when ever. Stuff is delicate, when time’s worn it like vest. Dusty. Liable to break as soon as the cherry ’s popped on this place.

Was this place the end of the line back when too? A final holdout? A safe haven in the firestorm? Did they have time to gather supplies? Did they save themselves? It’s nice to hope they did. Nicer to hope they entombed themselves. Works out better that way. No one to argue the spoils. No one to resist. No one with needs greater than your own.

The place is quiet as a tomb. None of the machines run. Nothing beeps, nor whirs, nor buzzes. Can’t hear the outside this deep inside. This far down, where the yellow line leads, in the bowels of the huge building beyond the light of day nothing—not even spiders—live. Nothing moves now. All is quiet except the rare visitor, following that little strip of paint down the stairs, through the halls, until they reach the end.

Grave robbing isn’t noble, but it could be the difference between living and dying. Of course, this would require a bit more than hoofpower and few minutes of sweat under the sun. Was it worth it? Was it right? Would it be better to leave those that built this wall alone and go after easier targets? Grasses were plentiful enough and nutritious. Tasty too, if you have a few other ingredients and the constitution to experiment. But they couldn’t compare to an MRE or some old fashioned canned wheat. There might even be candy, still in the wrapper, waiting on the end of time before spoiling.

Mmmm...sugar...

That would be worth a stick of strategically placed long fuse dynamite and grit in your hair. A taste of the past, or enough to barter a proper bed. Maybe there were medical supplies, or tools, batteries, or even ammo. That would keep you fed. Keep you alive, if for just a little longer in this hard world.

Maybe make things a little better until you reach the end of your final line.

Back to the corner, under that flickering overhead, the line reaches out in both directions. The way back to the sunlight you’ve known, and into the darkness of the unknown ahead. The past calls loudly from both ends. The past you come from. Personal. The past the world has left behind long ago. Impersonal. It’s a choice. Go back, go forward.

The choice is made. Sparks fly from the rusty lighter. Time to see what’s past the end of the line.

63. Scary Butt Fun Prequel [No Clop]

Author's Note

While this is related to my mature rated story, Scary Butt Fun, there is no clop in this. When I was coming up with a follow-up to that story, I originally thought about a Twilight x Dean Cadance fic. Instead, I'm going to do a proper sequel, but since I had already started on this, I chose to clean it up a bit and present it. You can consider this canon to the Scary Butt Fun storyline, taking place well before the original and the third Equestria Girls Movie.

63. Scary Butt Fun Prequel [No Clop]

Dean Cadance sat alone in her small bedroom hunched over her worn work laptop, typing away at a document that she needed to get completed. She sighed, tabbing through the remaining open pdfs on her notebook, all of them in need of updating. Thankfully, none of them were particularly urgent. So long as they were completed by the next weekend, Miss Cinch wouldn’t breathe fire down her neck. However, if she didn’t work on them, that would leave her saturday afternoon and evening embarrassingly free. She sank deeper into her cheap office chair, sullenly glancing at her phone where it sat on her desk. The last text she’d received still on the screen.

Another date canceled. Another weekend alone. God, when did I become so pathetic? Cadance sank a little more into an unlady-like slump. Maybe I can find another show to binge watch online and order a pizza?

She groaned, rubbing her palms against her cheeks. She wasn’t that old for crying out loud, and already her social life was a joke. Getting to be a top prep school administrator was no easy task, and Cadance knew she’d sacrificed much of her youth on pursuing her goal. She’d always assumed that once she made Dean, she could start dating, find that special someone. But it seemed that whenever she tried, either her work got in the way, or the other person bailed on her. It was enough to drive her to fits.

Or to eat. Cadance looked down at the stretched expanse of her t-shirt. Her bras and pencil skirts had become noticeably tighter in recent weeks. Throughout college and her administrative training she’d starved, but now it seemed she was destined to pack on stored fat like she was getting ready to hibernate. “It’s not like I should be surprised, really. Aunt Celestia went through the same thing when she took over as principal at Canterlot High. Maybe I should ask her how she kept her figure from going?”

Cadance swallowed her pride again and opened her computer’s browser, the last webpage she’d viewed flashing on the screen. “Oooh, if I buy an extra large, I get a free soda. Score.”

Almost without her input, an extra large carnivore’s special and a diet two liter populated her online shopping cart along with the standard delivery instructions. A few clicks more finalized her purchase and confirmed her for forever bachelorette status. As soon as the site flashed its thank you message, Cadance groaned again. If she kept burying her disappointment in cheap pizza deals and extra cheese, she was going to need a bigger chair.

“This is what I get for holding onto the ridiculous assumption that school principals date as much as the high schoolers do. That old song about being hot for a teacher lied to me!” Cadance rolled her eyes at just how defeated and tired she sounded. When did I become so petulant and entitled? I blame social media. She sat up, settling in for the wait by closing the other documents and focusing on the one in front of her. All it still needed was a few updated records from the senior class and she could save it and be done. Which, realistically, should keep her busy and mind off her romance issues for the next thirty minutes, or the pizza was free.

She cracked her knuckles and held her fingers above the keyboard, wiggling them slowly. A minute passed and she wiggled her fingers again, but she couldn’t seem to actually get them to type anything in. Visions of her soon to be dinner popped into her mind, making Cadance feel all the more hungry and sick at her own weak will. Another minute slipped past without so much as a single key being pressed and Cadance threw up her hands in frustration.

“Grrr...this is pointless. I’ll finish these later...when I’m somewhat less pathetic than I am now.” Cadance closed the laptop’s cover with a slap of her hand and stood up, stretching out her stiff back until she heard it pop. “Ow! I...really need to get some more exercise done.”

Scratching her ribs below where her bra rubbed into her flesh, Cadance kicked off her pumps and headed for the bathroom. If her date wasn’t going to happen, there wasn’t really any need for her to stay in her smart looking dress suit with the slightly too short shirt and the push-up she was wearing. No need to give the pizza guy ideas either.

Cold water splashed on her face washed away what light makeup she’d applied earlier and a good firm shake released her hair from the bun that matched all her dating site profile pictures. The skirt and stocking were quickly replaced with comfortable yoga pants and socks. Cadance was just unbuttoning her blouse to be rid of her push-up when a timid sounding knock came from her apartment's front door, startling her.

“What? The pizza has never gotten here that quick before.” Cadance made sure the pink lace of her bra wasn’t playing peek-a-boo by re-buttoning her blouse most of the way before walking into her living room to look through the apartment’s peephole.

Instead of some pimple-faced young man with her Carnivore’s Special, it was one of her neighbors—and old friend—standing outside her door. Twilight Sparkle, a senior student at Crystal Prep, lived on the same floor of their dorm building. The girl had recently taken to staying at the school in a cramped storeroom-turned-laboratory all the time, so seeing Twilight on her doorstep was something of an extraordinary event.

Cadance opened the door part way, leaning to the side and raising an eyebrow. “Uh...yes? If it’s about any homework assignments, Twilight, I probably don’t have access to your teachers’ synopsis. But...it’s good to see you anyways!” Twilight jumped a little at the sound of her voice and quickly hid one arm behind her back. Cadance opened the door all the way and took a step back. “Do...do you want to come in?”

“No. Yes! I mean, yes, I want to come in, b-but I mean n-no, I’m here for you, not homework. Wait, I-I mean I’m here to talk to you!” Twilight tugged on a strand of her loosely piled hair and stared at the floor hard enough to drill through the tiles. She knew she was supposed to look someone in the eyes when speaking to them. It was polite, and normally, she had no trouble talking to Dean Cadance when they passed in the hall at school or on the dorm elevators.

This, however, was hardly a chance meeting. Twilight tried, but just couldn’t get her eyes to scan any higher than the Dean’s fashionable—and very fuzzy— striped socks. She coughed, shuffling in place inside the doorframe, unsure of how to proceed. None of the books about polite social interactions she’d read online had mentioned exactly what to do when the other person was waiting on her to talk or do something. Was she supposed to say something cool? Did she even know anything that Cadance would think is cool?

Twilight finally managed to lift her eyes, taking in all of the Dean. “Half buttoned b-blouse and leggings? It r-really shows off your...skin?” She clapped her mouth shut, eyes wide behind her glasses as she tried to figure just why she had said that out loud.

Cadance’s eyes narrowed, focusing on the arm hiding behind Twilight’s back. “Okaaayy. So...come in, Twilight. You know I’m always here for you to talk to. Though, as you can see, I’m no fashionista. So if this about CP’s uniform policy on skirt length, I’m afraid I won’t be much help.”

“C-Can I… t-talk to you ‘bout something… kinda personal, Dean Cadance?” Twilight stuttered quietly, shuffling awkwardly across the threshold for the Dean to close the door behind her.

“I suppose you can, if you want to, Twilight. I’m not a counselor, mind.” She gently closed the door, watching Twilight fidget inside a set of baggy pants and equally loose looking hoodie. Just then her phone pinged with a new text reply. “Oh, just a secon-” Cadance paused when Twilight glanced up quickly, her eyes wide, looking embarrassed and almost panicky. “Are you okay?”

“Y-YES!” Twilight started backing up, her voice suddenly high and squeaky. “If you’re busy, I’ll...I’ll just go.”

“I’m not actually busy. My date is just… talking to me…” Cadance trailed off, marveling as Twilight’s face somehow managed to get redder and her mouth formed the word ‘date’ silently.

“Well, then… n-never mind. If it’s y-your d-date…”

Cadance knew she’d be remiss as a school administrator if she didn’t at least find out what was bothering the girl. Even if it meant sending her to an actual counselor later. “Twilight, get in here. I’ll sign off in a second. It’s not important, trust me.”

“It’s okay. It’s n-not important!”

“Just sit down on the couch and wait a second.”

“C-couch?”

“Yes. There aren’t any other chairs in my living room, Twilight.” Cadance said slowly.

“R-right…” Twilight took a deep breath and walked into Cadance’s living room glancing around nervously.

When she turned around and headed back to reply to the text, Cadance heard the girl squeak quietly again and take a seat. Whatever it is, it must be really embarrassing. Cadance shrugged, picking up her phone to scan the message. Her previously dateable contact seemed unwilling to just brush off their evening with ‘sorry, can’t make it’ and had decided instead, to let her know just why she was too old, and too fat, and too much of an frump-in-training to even enjoy company with.

A long minute ticked by as Cadance stared at the message. It was childish. It was uncalled for. It hurt. It would have been worth it to throw the phone out the window, screaming in response to the world’s most recent personal cruelty. That would feel good. But...she couldn’t. She had a student in her living room that was having her own issues. Cadance sighed, shutting down the text app, and shoved the phone into her desk drawer.

Twilight was perched on the very edge of the couch, both hands behind her back now and staring at the floor when Cadance re-entered the main room. Her long, loose bangs covering her face. She looked up when the Dean returned, but quickly looked away again.

“You wanted to talk, Miss Sparkle?”

“Y-yeah… this is really h-hard. I’m t-totally embarrassed…b-but… you’re the only one I c-can talk to…” Twilight wriggled uncomfortably, shuffling her feet.

“All right…”

“I… uh… well… I mean… uh…” Twilight muttered under her breath.

After waiting at least three minutes, Cady rolled her eyes.

“Twilight, what’s behind your back?”

“EEK!” Twilight jumped nearly a foot into the air and away from Cadance. “N-Nothing!”

Cadance stared at Twilight’s reddening face, completely nonplussed.

“Wha? I mean! Ah jeez! I can’t do it alone...please help me.” Twilight sighed and pulled a crumpled, laminated pamphlet out from behind her back. She glanced down at it, smoothing it out with a shaking hand before thrusting it forward. “I went into town today and picked it up at the medical center...because I want to do it. B-but I didn’t know how to go about it, and I have no idea how to even start the process or what kind of surgery they use it and I thought you could help me out because you’re smart, and grown up, and I look up to you so much!” Twilight blurted in a rush.

Cadance stared at the blue and white pamphlet. Wrinkled as it was from Twilight’s deathgrip, the Canterlot Hospital and Treatment Center’s logo at the top was clearly visible, along with a smiling face that could have been a doctor or a patient for all she could tell. “What?”

She was too shocked to actually sound like anything other than confused. Her amethyst eyes scanning the seventeen-year-old student’s features for some external sign of illness or injury. Her mind whirled, trying to piece together what Twilight was talking about. She looks okay. Is she sick? Why did she come to me if she’s sick? Is it cancer? Is this day about to go from bad to tragic right in front of me?

“C-Can you sign off on the reassignment therapy? I’m not eighteen yet, so I need a parent or guardian to okay it.” Twilight whispered in a very quiet voice, her eyes once again unable to meet Cadance’s when she heard the Dean gasp.

“Why didn’t you ask your parents?”

“Because!” Twilight exclaimed, frustrated energy flooding her body. She threw up her arms, waving the pamphlet about for emphasis. “They say they support me, but neither of them could find the time to take me to do research on this! Mom always says she’s so busy! And Dad—ha! Don’t get me started. He can’t hide how uncomfortable I make him sometimes! At least he has one son that turned out alright, huh?”

“Why don’t you ask—” Cadance’s question died on her lips when Twilight practically fell forward and grabbed her arms for support. Despite Twilight’s fiery tone, the girl looked near tears.

“I can’t, Cady! It’s too embarrassing! Anyway…Shining and I...we aren’t actually talking right now. Okay, well, we are talking, but we aren’t talking about this stuff and I thought it’d be just be weird for him and you’re Cadance, I mean, you’re strongest, most put together woman I know! You’re so much stronger than I ever could be!”

“Uh…that’s not exactly a true statement, Twilight. I have my own issues.”

“But you’re Cadance.” Twilight swallowed a lump that was threatening to form in her throat. “You’re like the perfect woman.”

=====================================================================

A/N:

I wrote this next part a few weeks after the above bit, and there was supposed to be a connection between the scenes where Cadance tells Twilight that she’s not perfect. It was supposed to have this theme going through that Cadance has a lot of deep set body confidence issues but she’s learned to cope, etc, etc. Obviously it never got written.

=====================================================================

“Let me introduce you to my worst enemy. The person I hate most.” Cadance flashed a smile at Twilight, gesturing at the free standing, floor-length mirror that occupied one corner on her bedroom. The girl raised her eyebrows in surprise, eyeing the Cadance in the mirror while the real one stage whispered. “She might look a little familiar.”

“Wh-what?” Twilight blinked, looking back and forth. “You hate...yourself?”

Cadance nodded, one hand gripping her other wrist behind her back. Her reflection smiled. “Yeah.”

Twilight tilted her head to one side, staring at Cadance. “You seem pretty cavalier about that.” She frowned, her brows knitting. “I was being serious.”

“So am I.” Cadance sighed, rocking back on her heels as she stood there between Twilight and the mirror. “We have an accord, she and I. She tears me down. I get to scream at her. But if she keeps her little voice quiet for a week, I treat us to ice cream or pizza. Maybe a date, if I can get us a call back.”

She grinned again, clearing her throat and looked away from both herself and her guest. “Or—failing that—the detachable showerhead for an hour.”

Twilight stared at the Dean, her mind playing leap frog and catch-up at the same time, until it paired up Cadance’s last statement with a vivid mental image of the older woman assaulting herself in the shower. Her breath caught in her throat, making a clicking noise several times.

Cadance shrugged and reached out to pat Twilight on the shoulder. “I’m just being honest, Twilight. I know that sort of stuff might not be what you were expecting out of me, but I think I really need to stop treating you like a student.” She leaned forward a little to look through Twilight’s glasses and into those purple eyes. “I need to treat you like family. Cinch and the Board can fry me later, if any of this ever gets out, but I don’t care. You need me to be there for you as Cadance, not as the Dean.”

Twilight kept her mouth closed, side-eyeing her own reflection.

“I know it’s not the same, exactly, as what you’re dealing with, Twilight. But the results are pretty much the same. We don’t like our bodies, and in many ways it feels like they don’t like us either.” Cadance sighed heavily, but she smiled for the girl. “It’s exhausting. It wares at you. It drags you down and sometimes you don’t know if you’ll ever get past these feelings, or if you even deserve to.”

“But take it from someone with a ten years or so more experience in the self-loathing department: it can get better. It just takes work and acceptance.”

“So…” Twilight slowly turned her gaze from the mirror to Cadance’s eyes, “you’re saying I should just accept the way I am? I don’t need the treatment?” Twilight’s eyes started to sting, fresh tears forming at the edge of her vision. “Cadance...I came to you because I thought you’d understand. I can’t fix what’s wrong with me by dieting or spending extra time on a treadmill! I look like a boy!”

Cadance rocked back a little from Twilight’s outburst, her eyes going wide for a minute. When she saw the first tears start to run down those purple cheeks, she wrapped her arms around Twilight and pulled the girl into a tight hug. She stroked Twilight’s hair soothingly while the shorter girl choked out a sob into her chest.

“First of all, nothing is wrong with you, Twilight. What I meant, was taking what you have and changing it into what you want it to be will be a lot of work. If you accept that you cannot just flip a switch and be done, but that you have a lot to work towards, it might make you feel better. While we might wish that we could change things about ourselves magically, that’s just not how this world works.” Cadance petted Twilight’s scalp gently, her other arm holding Twilight against her. She pushed back slightly when one of Twilight’s sobs shifted into muffled speech.

“What?”

“I-I said...that I was studying that, actually.” Twilight sniffled, looking at the tear stain she’d left on Cadance’s shirt that was mere inches from her face. She swallowed roughly and slid a hand between them to simultaneously wipe her nose and straighten her glasses. “Or at least some sort of energy signature that I can’t identify yet.”

Cadance giggled. “You’re studying magic?”

Twilight frowned, looking away from Cadance’s face and back at the stain. She could feel her face starting to warm from their closeness, and definitely not from the intimacy of said closeness. Definitely not that. “It sounds stupid...when you say it like that.”

=====================================================================

A/N:

Originally, this was going to end with some naughty stuff between them but that went into some areas I wasn’t that comfortable with after some re-examining. Then, after that while Twilight was resting, Cadance’s pizza shows up and she calls Velvet and Nightlight about getting their blessings for the therapy.

=====================================================================

64. SciTwi Trying to Flirt 4: FlirtMEGEDDON

Author's Note

Needed to write something silly.

64. SciTwi Trying to Flirt 4: FlirtMEGEDDON

"Sunnnnseeeet!"

"What?"

"Is your shirt cotton?"

"Yes?"

"Then these must be felt! Honk honk!"

"L-let goooo!"

"But Sunset, you look so innocent. You look so sweet. So long as I have a face, you'll always have a seat!"

"Twilight, stop it, you're embarrassing me."

"UHHHNNNN!"

"Wanna try an Australian Kiss, Sunset?"

"A what?"

"It's like a French Kiss, but down undah! Hnnnnggggg!"

"No, Twi!"

"Oh c'mon."

"No."

"Lemme smash?"

"..."

"Sunset, come back!"

"Fine."

"I just made you come over with one finger. Imagine what I can do with my whole hand! Uuuuuuuuhh!"

"...for Celestia's sake..."

66. Tiny lebIAN STORYIES: dicord chronicals: formerLY SKRYP Cronic: DEFF PART 14 THIS TIME

Author's Note

i wroted morre!! BUtthis time Ii was legitIMAtely drunk! Whic iz excuse.

A/N::I alsoed right it LIVE IN CHAT. if U want 2C what that lookie like
click herp-> Chat Format
warn: strong language and a lot of cereal.

66. Tiny lebIAN STORYIES: dicord chronicals: formerLY SKRYP Cronic: DEFF PART 14 THIS TIME

================

WHen we last left our ghorse wifes, there was a spweacial chapter or somethimng

AJ and Flurrgy heart shipped , i thinkls. We ere in the dungeons? No, up...above the dungeons.

Celesti had done the magic with flutterbats and was Flutterbatlestia (batlestia?)...Celestshy?

one oif the those and Luna was with Cadance in their combo form thing,

it had a name too and Chrusalips was taking the Lebian Power stone

it was pink and powerful

Bug Queef Crusty Lips was "ahhhahahahahahaha"ing up a storm in the room where the power Stone Lesbina was at. It was upstairs from the dungeon

BUT Cletiashybat was all like" Hey! Stop that.,"

Chysalia was all like nah"

And then she absorbed the powers of the Lesbianite! It was really power ful. And really bright. Minio $ 4 didn't like it cuz she was still trying to sleep?((I think that was a plot thread”

Eitherway, there was a lot ofd pink salmonish light and every pony was super surprised. And cuz most of them are young they thought it was like Chyspy was going Super Saying, but no, she was fucking SUPER SHREDDERING

Look it up

so yeah, Chysalis was all big and stuff. "Clestiabat! You are weak and stupid. "

"I will deefeat you!" Celestshy saids. She pulled a bunch of magic into her horn winks

So she pulled in a lot of magic stuffs and her minfs glowed a bunch! "Take this! You are not the master of all Lesnians!"

So, applejass was cereal, but while NO ONE was laughing at that, Chysalip ate more lesbians!

She got so big! It's like a fetish or something but she got like real big but she didn't become a battleship like that anime. That would be cool, but no, this is MY story So she just got big, not fat and no guns sadly buit she she still had those holes in her legs so maybt wshe could shoot goo from those?

A/N: I don't knoe

anyway, the ceiling broke and like dust and plaster and Canterlot's annual budget for repairs rained down on Celestiashyvat's head. She didn't like that So she did the mafgic beam thing and went zap apple on this bitch like rainbow lightning or some sjit

it was cool but it didn't work!

Chrilpse was too big! Not like Godzilla or anything just like a bus or somethoinfg

so…...uh….the ceiling that was the back up ceiling broke and out came Twilight the Sparkel, hero girl od the show! also Pinkie

Twilights shot a thingie of magic at giant bug queen thing and it bounced off her bug exo skeleleton thing.ZOMG's new name, that thing

A/N;; (((I always want to call him Caprice but that;s not right*

so, the beam thing bounces off the bug thing and it breaks ANOTHer vceiling Canterlot is like NASA with it's ceilings. bug armor..;shkin bug thing..Carapace

the Now Lesbains of Canterlasbien City were figithing in the halls of the castle and a coulps of floors?’ cuz of all the ceilings but they were just dust in the pocket book of an accountant

who is a boring lesbian so instead, we focus on the chick that just showed up?

Twiloiht

Twiligjht

twilight

she was here she was not surreal she was sparkle

RTwiligjht the destroyer of villians and shitshe came to destroy the Quuen Chrips

Anyway she broked a ceiling that was a floor but like a floor from her povnot a ceilimng like it was to all the pony el;se but she came in and there was pinke too.

so Twilight screamed. "Stop that.

"Chrysalips said "NOOOO!" aND then she did the magic beam thing too but it was like abig beam and Twilight doged it cux she is very flexible like a shrimpy doggo she jumped in air out of the way..

Celesflut blushed. So did Lundance cus she is here to I think?

and the beam DIDnot blow u[ another ceiling! I bet yopu thought it was going to) But no. I remenberbered that Twilight already blewed them up a few chapters ago and so it just cept going? Like the end of Portal 2 where the shot just gets to the moon like hella quick and opens a portal? But without the portal

Luna was pisshited so Caduna yelled at Chrylseae and shot a bunck of magic that was no t mems beams\ beans/

she shot magic shit at Chysalis and for plot reasons it worked or somerthing and pissed off giant bug lady horse. So she squashed Caduna like a bug cux that would be ironixc and unexpected and that;s the kinda story Fuxxzs writes

Twiloight\ she sya "bitch plz and make soecial magics somthhing beterr then beam atteck

the chapter ends witjh more explosiomns

because more ceilings

but not Cysalis, Celesyiabat and Lundance asnd Twike is there

but Twilight is Sparkle and not fused withj Pinkie

pinkie have lines next time

NEST TIME OF TINY LESTBWEBN STORIES:DISCORD CHRIONICALS: FORMERLY SHYPE CHRONIC::!!

Chuysaslips is a giant or something and Twilight has to deal with Celestiafulteerrfat and stuff\

67. Crumpling & Crumpets: The Revenging

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

68. On the subject of new Princess ships

Author's Note

PP, when you see this, please consider the comments below as part of the story.

Thanks!

68. On the subject of new Princess ships

"We are gathered here tonight, under the light of a full moon to discuss an issue most vexing. Commander Tempest, truly, Fizzlepop, has been reformed posthaste by Her Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle of Friendship. We must now decide who shall see to her further character development and please the public with cute photos and salacious stories."

"I vote Twizzlepop."

"Of course you do. But I counter that you already get all the mares."

"I vote Fizzlestia."

"I vote Fizzluna."

"Googah!"

"No, Flurry Heart, you're too young for shipping."

"Tell that to the fans."

"In her stead, I shall put forth a vote for Cadizzle."

"That sounds like a rapper name."

"You're just jealous of my swag."

69. Mirror Chant Summoning Ritual (Beanis Side Story)

69. Mirror Chant Summoning Ritual (Beanis Side Story)

"Ah don't know about this, Sweetie." Applebloom hugged herself with one arm, flipping off the lights in her bathroom.

Sweetie Belle's face appeared in the darkness, a candle flaring to life with the flick of a match. She had a giddy smile already and set the little tea light on the counter in front of the mirror. "It's a sleepover tradition, Applebloom! We gotta do it! Every group of friends at a sleepover needs to try to summon a spirit by chanting three times into a mirror. It's in that book I borrowed from Twilight."

"If you say so." Applebloom frowned, unconvinced. "Sounds like hooey to me, but heck, might be fun. Where's Scoots?"

"Right here!" The door to the bathroom opened, letting in light and the pixie haired girl. Scootaloo skidded to a halt with a shoe box in her hands and slammed it down on the counter next to sink. "And I brought the supplies! More candles, some of them scented, cuz I couldn't find any incense."

"That should be fine."

More match strikes and soon the bathroom was lit in a dim reddish light, and smelled strongly of melon. Sweetie Belle nodded solemnly as she placed the last candle and folded her hands, bowing her head. "Now we start. Repeat after me, and let no other thoughts enter your minds, okay?"

"Sure thing."

"Right on!"

Sweetie took a deep breath and started speaking in a low, hushed tone. "Beans, beans, the magical fruit..."

"Just what the heck are we 'sposed the summon with that chant?"

"Hush!"

"Sheesh...okay."

Three throats cleared awkwardly, then they began again. "Beans, beans, the magical fruit..."

"Beans, beans, the magical fruit..." They raised the pitch of their voices, growing louder by the syllable.

"Beans, beans, the magical fruit!"

Sweetie Belle raised her arms overhead, calling out to to mirror. "Feared Beanos! We summon thee here to-!" She shrieked, loud and piercing, when there was movement in the darkness and something slammed into the mirror, sticking there and snuffing half the candles in the process. Applebloom turned and slapped on the lights, revealing a freakishly gigantic thing jutting off the glass, wobbling at them like the accusing finger of some dark god. They all stared at it in wide eyed silence for a moment.

Then a large dollop of nacho cheese squeezed out of a hole in the tip, hanging by a thin trail of yellow until it fell down into the sink.

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle shrieked together, hugging each other before they flew out of the bathroom and back into the relative safety of the house. Scootaloo, however, burst into laughter almost as loud as all their hollering. She watched them go, laughing her head off while more cheesy "flowed" into the sink. "Oh c'mon! Girls! It's just the Beanis I stole from Dash's room! Beanos isn't real!"

The other two girls didn't stop running or screaming, their footsteps pounding down the stairs toward the front door. Scootaloo chuckled and leaned back against the bathroom counter. "They'll be back eventually. Man, I really got 'em good this time. Let's see if Dash can top this prank!" There was a splatter of cheese from the Beanis behind her, and Scootaloo looked back over at the thing. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out what it was for, but it had to be for some really awesome stuff if Rainbow Dash kept it "hidden" under her bed. She kinda wanted to ask Dash about it, but at the same time, she felt that she wasn't ready for that last piece of ignorance to be taken from her.

"At least I hope Beanos isn't real...but the Tempest lady sure does mumble about it a lot when she thinks no one is listening." Scootaloo shook her head and stood up. Might as well grab some wet wipes and clean up before the other two got back and started yelling at her. She skipped out of the bathroom, heading for the laundry room and a bucket of cleaning solution.

The candles still burning flickered in the breeze of her passing, going out one by one. Then the overhead flickered, the bulb blowing and plunging the bathroom into darkness again, except for two blue semi-circles of flame, shaped like glasses, that hovered just inside the mirror.

The Beanis twitched, dripping more cheese sauce down the sink drain.

71. Kinkshame Shimmer (Mothballed story concept)

Hello, my name is Sunset Shimmer. Or, at least, it was.

These days I’m known around Canterlot High as ‘Kinkshame’ Shimmer.

It might not look like it—what with me being face down in a foot of snow drifts in front of the high school, prostrated in front of a snow-sculpture-slash-effigy of Celestia, the horse princess version, not the people principal version—but I’ve fully embraced my inner unicorn. I am a magical, mythical horned horse with healing powers that represents big deal concepts of Purity and Grace.

I am Sunset Shimmer, and I can smell virgins. Sadly, there are none here.

Author's Note

I wrote this sometime back in 2017 when the BCU had only just started to take form. I scrapped the idea pretty quickly, and at this point it will never be anymore fleshed out than this tiny snippet.

I still think it's a silly idea, but there just aren't enough hours in the week to give it the time it would need to be great.

72. Pumpkin Spice of the STARBUCKS! (mothballed)

Author's Note

I'm mothballing this one because, like the PSL itself, the joke here is basic as fuck and played out. It was cute two years ago, but now this is a stale ass meme and I have better words to work on.

This is probably the first in a new wave of things I'll be clearing off my 'to-write' list and posting the bare bones of here.

72. Pumpkin Spice of the STARBUCKS! (mothballed)

Clang!

Clang!

Clang!

“Errg...I’m awake!”

CLANG!

“I said I’m awake, Venti!”

The cabin door opened with a hiss, light from the access ladder flooding the darkened chamber. At the threshold of the door, stood an imposing backlit figure with glowing yellow eyes and matching horn that revealed a vaguely flesh colored plastic and metal face. “I am sorry to disturb your rest, Captain Latte.”

“I told you not to.”

“Unless it was an emergency, yes.” Lights clicked on in the chamber, revealing more of the stallion-like robot, Venti4.99. He lacked any sort of mane or tail, or any coat at all, and was instead made from shaped plastic plates set on top of some sort of barebones mechanical parts with wires connecting his head to his torso were multiple small screens displayed readouts of various kinds. “I am well aware that you meant for me to not disturb you in the event of an actual emergency, but my protocols have been overridden.”

The lights in the cabin revealed a veritable rat’s nest of filthy clothing, bedding and several classifications of junk. In the middle of the mess, rising slowly from the bedding was a light brown earth pony mare with a pile of white colored curls for a mane. Captain Latte, a simple cup set against a rising sun on her flank, looked tired and in a sour mood. She glared at the robot unicorn for a long moment. “What?”

“While you rested, we received a priority communications request from HQ.” Venti tiled his head to the side. “They were very forceful about waking you.”

“Uh...what do they want?”

“To talk to you. Now.”

Pony and robot stared at each other for a moment, neither of them saying anything. Finally, Captain Chai Latte grumbled and grabbed one of the pieces of cloth off the floor and started to struggle into it. The both stepped out the door and began to float weightlessly, Venti leading the way down the ladder toward a far hatchway.

Minutes later, the captain was dressed and holding onto a hoof-perch in front of a large screen while Venti magnetically attached itself to the floor grates and opened one plastic hoof to connect to a bank of terminals. As soon as he was connected, the screen flashed to life, showing a green logo before an older stallion in more traditionally naval uniform appeared.

“Captain Latte.”

“Admiral Frap.”

“Let me get right to it, captain. I had your crew wake you because you’ve been assigned a new crew member.” Admiral Frap leaned forward into the camera’s view. “This is effective immediately.”

“New crew?” Latte arched an eyebrow and nodded at her companion. “I already have Venti. What more do I need? Why not send this crew over to the next ship? We already overlap each other’s patrol territory.”

“You ship needs it.”

“But why my ship?” Latte frown, leaning closer to her screen. “There’s a ship at every corner of galaxy, why does it have to be mine?”

“It’s temporary, captain. She’ll only be with you for a season. Surely you won’t get sick of her before that?”

Captain Latte rubbed her face with her hoof, muttering into it. “That depends…” She sighed, shaking her head and frowned at the admiral. “When do I need to pick her up?”

“No need to put in, she’s already in route to you.”

“What?”

“Captain, far proximity sensors have picked up a small shuttle on a rendezvous course. It is starting to match speed and spin.” Venti4.99 chimed in emotionlessly as he pressed a series of buttons on one terminal.

“Oh come on, Frap!” Latte slammed her free hoof into an exposed bulkhead.

“It’s non-negotiable, Chai. Remember, it’s just for the season.” Admiral Frap nodded and the screen went dark as the signal died.

Several warning claxons started to beep and wheeze through the deck speakers as the shuttle hurtled closer to the ship, the robotic stallion turning them off one by one. Chai Latte huffed to herself and finally pushed herself toward the access hatch. “Let it dock, Venti. At least we get a new shuttle out of the deal.”

“Where are you going, Captain?”

“To meet this new crew temp. I swear, this seems to happen every year. We’re doing just fine out here and then HQ thinks they can change things up and everypony is just going to love it and love us more.” Captain Latte opened the hatch and slipped out into the narrow ladder way, the ship’s spin slowly pulling her down and away from the command deck.

“To be fair, Captain, it usually works in the long run.”

“I just don’t like fads, Venti. Heat me up a pot of coffee while I’m gone, okay?”

Chai let the ship’s centrifugal spin take her most of the way down, reaching out with one hoof to control and slow her descent as she reached the outer ring. She hit the wall with all four hooves and trotted over to the shuttle dock, watching the indicator lights flip over from yellow to green.

73. Sunset Shimmer In Another World Seduces The Entire Dungeon With A Smoldering Look One Orc At A Time (Mothballed)

Author's Note

This was originally conceptualized for the Sunset Shimmer contest back in August of 2018. The theme was 'journey' and I was knee deep in working on multiple DnD campaigns as well as helping my wife plot a novel of her own and things just kinda bled over into this. I wanted to make a joke about both Isekai anime and DnD at the same time and it just wasn't working out. Plus, now that I think about it, you'd need a bit more than just a passing knowledge of both those things to really get the joke...

So you can see why this one is also going the way of 4e and never being spoken of again.

73. Sunset Shimmer In Another World Seduces The Entire Dungeon With A Smoldering Look One Orc At A Time (Mothballed)

Birds chirped in the forest, under a shady canopy of full green leaves. Below them, a stream burbled and splashed, chatting with itself though the mid-day while fish braved the whirlpools between rounded river stones. The conversation flowed until it reached cooler, quieter, depths of a pool where deer would stop to drink once the sun reached the edges of the sharp mountains on the horizon.

Sunset Shimmer adjusted her crimson breastplate, gripping the gold-trimmed bottom edge of the shaped metal until it sat on her perfectly. She checked her matching tight leather under armor, until she was certain it wasn’t bunching up uncomfortably at her elbows or in her armpits. Her cloak was properly clasped. Her satchel pack closed, belts buckled and tall boots pulled up to her knees. Her trusty rounded shield rested against her leg, by her side, as she tossed her hair back and checked out her reflection in the pool of water she’d chosen to rest by.

She looked good. Sunset smiled at her reflection, giving herself a saucy wink like some runway model crossed with a flamethrower. Woe betide whatever poor monsters stood in her way on this day. It was a quest that brought her out to this idyllic scene with promises of riches and fame, and by the gods, both would be hers before the sky matched her name.

Sunset looked back up, across the pond toward a mound of moss covered stones that poorly concealed a shoddy wooden door. The door blocked the entrance to some underground layer wherein she would find her greatness. “Let’s get started.” She lifted her shield and started around the pond, skirting the edge of the water and scanning her surroundings for threats.

Wait, just a shield? Didn’t you bring a weapon? Let me see your sheet.

“No.” Sunset smirked, picking up her pace to leap over the narrow part of the stream and approach the door to the dark recesses below her feet. “Don’t worry about it, I’m ready for anything, trust me.”

“Oh really?” A growly voice came out from behind the rock pile. “Yo ready for dis?”

Sunset came to a halt, raising her shield defensively as a green skinned humanoid stepped into her view. It was covered in rough, mismatched pieces of chainmail and hides, and was holding a twisted, gnarled piece of wood that looked as thick as a stump. The orc adjusted its thick rimmed glasses and hefted its club in both hands. “Dis as far as yer go, intruder!”

The orc rushed Sunset, long purple hail trailing behind it as it closed and swung its club at her head. Sunset grit her teeth and raise her shield to meet the mighty blow. The impact rang through the forest, silencing the birds, but all it did was force Sunset to take a half step back. She smirked and took a peek over the edge of her raised shield. “So, is this a male, or female, orc?”

“Uh…” the orc looked down at itself, unsure as the thunder of dice rolled in the background, “...male?”

“On a scale of one to ten, how attractive is he?” Sunset puckered her lips and blew the orc a kiss as she shoved off the club her shield was holding at bay. There was more thunder. Sunset smiled and used her free hand to sweep her hair out of her face and tuck her bangs back behind her horns, for the gods had rolled a solid seven out of ten. “Hey, handsome.”

The orc, even more unsure of itself, fell back. “W-wot?”

Sunset pressed her advantage, shifting forward right into the orc’s face. She leaned in, lowering her voice to a husky whisper and using her skill at persuasion. “You’re looking especially beefy today. Been hitting the racks with your orc buds? I bet it must get boring out here, standing guard with nothing to do. But lucky you, today I came along.”

“W-wot?” The orc repeated, green cheeks starting to turn red. “How iz 'dat lucky?”

“Because today you get a hot...wet...long…” with each word, Sunset leaned in closer to the orc’s face, “...kiss!” She reached out and grabbed the orc by the hides that made up its armor and pulled it into a tight liplock. The orc, on its initiative, struggled weakly against Sunset before succumbing to her powerful technique and going blissfully slack in Sunset’s successful grapple. Sunset guided the flushed, mewling, orc gently to the forest floor. Laying him in the soft grass she stood back up and used her tail to re-straighten his askew glasses. Then she lightly stepped over the guy, and pulled open the door the orc had guarded.

A dark earthen ramp yawned before her.

Did you at least bring a torch or lantern?

“Don’t need one.” Sunset chuckled, her blue eyes flashing as the universe realized she had the ability to see in the dark. At least for about sixty feet or so. With nothing else standing in way of her awaiting wealth and fame, Sunset descended.

“I need a drink.” Twilight announced without preamble. She pushed her seat back from the kitchen table and leaned back dangerously. She caught the table with the toe of her shoe to keep from crashing to the linoleum, and fiddled with the smooth side of an aluminum can until the soda walked itself into her hand.

“Snag me one too.”

Twilight grunted her compliance and reached for a second can. The remaining members of the six pack sat, unfortunately, beyond her fingertips. She squinted at the nearest one until a vague, purple, glow surrounded the can and hauled it along with her back to the table. She passed the second can to Sunset and popped the tab on her own to take a heavy pull. “Ahh! That hits the spot.”

“Thanks, Twi.” Sunset smirked, running her finger around the ridge of her drink. Her hair was still up in the complicated bun, run through with chopsticks, from her late shift at the Sushi Shack. She was still wearing her uniform too, though she had kicked off her shoes right before sitting down at the table.

“No problem, Sunset. I think I could manage to get you some ice from here too.” Twilight giggled, kicking her feet as she looked over her shoulder at the fridge in the kitchen. “I’ve been practicing with my magic, so it probably won’t send ice cubes everywhere this time, if I’m careful.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sunset arched her back in her chair, groaning as she stretched tired limbs worn from hours of waiting tables. “Really, I meant the game. I’m sorry my schedule change keeps me from playing with the rest of the girls. I appreciate you running a solo game for me, Twi.”

Twilight waved her hand dismissively, taking a measured sip. “Better than just hand waving why your character remained the same level as the rest of the party.” She raised an eyebrow and leaned forward toward Sunset to peek at the sheet of paper that held a scrawl of points, stats, bonuses, and fluff. “Speaking of which...I still haven’t actually seen your character sheet…”

Sunset pressed the fingers of her free hand on the paper, sliding it outside of Twilight’s reach. “Don’t worry, it’s all legal. Everything is printed first party content, no internet homebrew-y shenanigans.” She winked at Twilight over her soda, purring out her next statement. “I promise.”

“As your DM,” Twilight cleared her throat, “I’m suspicious. As your girlfriend, I’m highly suspicious!” She sighed, reaching for her dice and telekinetically moving Sunset’s character miniature down her hand-drawn map to the upper level of the dungeon. “I’m fairly confident that even at your level, this isn’t going to be a cakewalk, my dear.”

Sunset chuckled, sweeping her own dice up with the wave of her hand. “We’ll see about that, Miss-memorized-the-monster-manual-for-the-last-three-editions-of-the-rules.”

“That’s not true.” Twilight sniffed, lifting her nose into the air sharply. “Fourth edition doesn’t count.”

Sunset creeped forward through the narrow halls of the dungeon. There was no light, her otherworldly vision rendering the place in shades of grey like modern military nightvision, but without the bulky headpiece. It was all blocky stone, the walls rough and the floor covered in a thin layer of spread straw. The water from the pool and stream above was seeping in, dripping down the walls in little rivlets, making puddles that her boots slashed in.

The smell was best not described.

Sunset rankled her nose for the dozenth time and paused when the shape of a door frame materialized out of the murk. She stopped and took a moment to check the straps on her shield. “I listen first,” she whispered to herself and the universe at large, “before checking the door.” Besides the drip of the water and the clatter dice, the place was silent as a tomb.

Rolling her eyes, Sunset ventured forward. “I am trying to be quiet.” Her boot chose that exact moment to start squeaking with each step, her armor clanking and rattling like a rollercoaster on its way to the first peak. “As if I wasn’t at enough of a disadvantage doing this solo…”

That’s medium armors for you, Sunny. Rules are rules.

Sunset huffed, inching towards the doorway. “Can’t you break the rules? Just this once? I’ll do the dishes afterwards.” The universe, which is completely unbiased, decided to turn down the armor rattling a smidge. Sunset smiled and blew a kiss into the air before she finally reached the doorway and peeked inside the room. It looked about ten feet to a side, the same stone walls and semi-wet floor, though there was a table by one wall with an assortment of orcish equipment set on it for quick equipping should some lone adventurer trip the alarm. The other end of the room held another doorway and a proper door to match, the wood thick and showing only a little bit of mold around the iron rivets that held it together.

Ignoring the shoddy looking equipment, Sunset scanned the room for real loot, but no amount of pleading or promises of favors made gold pop out of the walls. Out of luck so far on the riches part of her stated goal, Sunset walked over to the door and tried the heavy iron handle. Luckily for her, it didn’t seem to be either locked, or trapped. Somewhat unfortunately, there was an orc on the other side of it. Sunset blinked, her hand on the door. The orc blinked back at her behind those glasses, a toothy grin spreading over its face as it brought up a spear.

“‘Ello ‘ello.”

“Uh…” Sunset coughed politely, “goodbye?” Then she slammed the door shut again, blocking the spear aimed at her gut. She took a step back, raising her arms defensively. “Thank the rules for cover bonuses. So...you know the drill.”

What?

“You know.” Sunset smirked again, licking her lips as eldritch power started to course its way through her veins. “Roll those bones! This guy a looker?”

Ugh, again? Also, who are you to assume that this orc is male too? The universe rolled for it. Okay, so it is male again…

The door crashed open. Dice danced across the table. Spear glanced off shield. Green muscle met red and gold armor in the middle as a blast of arcane magic flared. When the afterimages cleared from her vision, Sunset found herself flat on her back, a heavy (if only a five out of ten) mountain of an orc over her on its knees, spear-free hand resting gently on her sculpted breastplate.

74. 30 Days Later (Mothballed)

Author's Note

I started writing this between Equestria Girls and Rainbow Rocks. I've re-written chunks of it several times and it is long past time to just cut this one free. I'm not ever going to finish it. Though I still like the idea, I will never have both the time and drive to complete it. The title is a reference to the natural cycle of the portal opening that Princess Luna mentions in Equestria Girls and is never brought up again. This started out as clopfic, truth be told. But Misago got me to switch directions into an exploration of cross dimensional pseudo-incest lesbian spawn.

Fair warning, while there is nothing explicit here, there is mention of abortion, though this is far FAR from the point of this story.

74. 30 Days Later (Mothballed)

“Sunset Shimmer, report to the Principal's Office, now!”

Sunset cringed at the combined surprise of the loud PA announcement and her name being called. The Principal’s voice carried a sense of urgency to it that seemed highly out of place for the normally unflappable Celestia. It sounded...almost angry.

Pinkie Pie whistled into the straw of her juice box, causing it to overflow with bubbles and stray bits of orange flavored spray. “Wowwie! I’ve never heard her use that tone before! What did you do?” She squeezed her inflated drink, shooting the rest of it into her mouth and swallowed. “Also, are you going to eat your bologna?”

Sunset gagged and nudged the included sandwhich towards the other girl. “No, it’s yours.”

“Now, Sunset!” The PA blared again, the various conversations around Canterlot High’s cafeteria falling silent as the students turned and looked at Sunset curiously.

“I...think I should go see what she wants.” The redhead stood and pushed all the remains of her meal towards Pinkie. The other girl grinned and dumped the salad on top of her ice cream. Sunset left her to it and headed for the administration section of the building. She walked past the spot where her pictures as Queen of the Fall Formal used to hang and took a left into a narrow hallway that terminated at the main offices.

She stopped in front of the secretary and cleared her throat. “Um...Sunset Shimmer...er, reporting?”

The secretary, a reserved woman with red glasses buzzed her in, the door to Principal Celestia’s office opening a moment later. Sunset showed herself in, moving cautiously into the surprisingly dim room. “Principal Celestia?”

The tall human counterpart to Equestria’s primary Sun Princess, turned in her chair and waved Sunset in. “Close the door. Take a seat, Sunset.”

“Ok...am I in trouble for something?”

“No.” Celestia sat there for a long moment, the silent pause causing Sunset to start fidgeting. When she could bring herself too, Celestia pinned the girl into her chair with a stare. “I need you to get a message to those ponies.”

“What?” Sunset blinked, fighting to keep the surprise off her face. “What makes you think I can do that?”

“Don’t play coy with me, Ms. Shimmer. Twice this school has been ground zero for those ponies and who knows what else to have their little rainbow light shows, and you have been in the center of it both times. I’m not sure how that portal of theirs works, but somehow I doubt they have email.” Celestia nodded her head slightly toward the front of the school where the portal to Equestria sat as part of the mascot statue. “I need to get a message to them, and if anyone can do it, it’s one of their own.”

Sunset swallowed nervously. “So...you know about that, huh?”

“I don’t rule this school from some ivory tower, Ms. Shimmer. I like to think of myself as a hands-on administrator. There is little that happens here I am not somewhat aware of.” Celestia shrugged and made an effort to smile. “I don’t want to come off as pushy, but I am afraid I have something of a schedule to get this done by. Now, can you do this, or not?”

Sunset sat there, turning her options over in her mind. She didn’t have much choice. If she lied, she’d just be putting herself back on the Principal’s list of ‘problem students’ as soon as Celestia found out. Knowing the Principal and her pony counterpart as she did, Celestia would find out eventually. But, then again, what harm would there be showing the journal to her? Surely, if the school Principal needed Princess Twilight’s help with something, it would be a good idea to let her know.

“Ok. There is a way, but I’ll have to go to my locker to get it.”

“Get it and come back here. I’ll see to it that you have a pass for next period.” Celestia’s shoulders slumped as her body was flooded with relief.

A Few Minutes Later…

Celestia raised an eyebrow, looking at the battered old book Sunset Shimmer had returned to the office with. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but a book was not it.

“It works by writing a message, which is then copied in a book on the Equestrian side. With it, we can talk to Princess Twilight.”

“What about the other Princesses?” Celestia took the book in hands, testing its weight. It seemed to be a normal book, if a bit archaic looking, with no title or author name on the spine or cover. “Can Princess Twilight...I don’t know, forward a message? Do they know english?”

“Uh...I guess?” Sunset put her hands on her hips. Something seemed off. “And yeah, Twi knows human english pretty well at this point. Why do you ask?”

“Then I don’t need you to translate.” Celestia pushed herself to her feet, stepping around her desk to Sunset’s side. “You’ll have to forgive me, but this is a private matter, Ms. Shimmer. See Raven on your way out and she’ll provide you with your pass for the missed time. I will return the book to you as soon as I am finished with it.”

“But!” Sunset’s jaw dropped. “Why do you even need it? What’s going on, Principal?”

Celestia put her hand on Sunset’s shoulder and turned her toward the door. “I told you, it is private. I thank you for the aid, Sunset. Truly, I am grateful, but right now I have something that I must do alone. I will return the book to you as soon as I have my answer.”

“But!”

“No ‘buts’ about it, I’m afraid.” Celestia opened the door for her student and gently, but firmly pushed her out, closing the door again as soon as Sunset was out of the way. She turned the lock, which made a loud clicking noise, and returned to her seat, journal in tow.

Celestia lifted a pen off her desk and opened the book to a suitably blank page. She was about to start writing when she realized that doing so in ink would easily leave behind whatever she wrote, assuming the magical device worked like a normal book. She grabbed a pencil instead, checking the eraser and pressed the tip to the paper.

Dear Princess Twilight,

Please forward this message to Princess Luna, ASAP…

Sometime Later…

Raven was shuffling the papers she had been assigned to reorganize in the school’s massive filing cabinet when she heard the rustle and swish of cloth coming down the hall to the main offices. She turned around—expecting to find a student or parent standing at the desk—and was confronted instead with the sight of Vice Principal Luna in a full Victorian-style dress complete with ruffled lace and corset. The VP was even wearing elbow length gloves and had some sort of dark colored tiara on her head.

“Miss Luna?” Raven adjusted her glasses. “Why are you dressed like a dark colored Disney Princess? And why are you here in that outfit?”

“I have been summoned by my sister to your world.” Luna looked down at herself, wondering how she could explain away the creation of clothing by a magic she only barely understood. “Er...it’s...custom?”

“I bet that cost you and arm and a leg! But you know, I never would have pegged you for one of those people that get into character whenever the RenFaire comes to town.” The secretary snorted, walking over to the desk to sit down. “Next thing you know, you’ll be addressing me in Ye Olde English.”

“Y-yes? I shall.” Luna looked around awkwardly, not sure how she was supposed to respond to her majordomo’s human counterpart. “Is my sister available?”

“I believe so. Let me buzz you in.” Raven hit the buzzer for the Principal’s inner office, the lock on the door clicking free. She gestured at the door in her best Vanna White impression, giggling when the VP lifted her long, ribbed skirt slightly, and honest-to-god curtsied.

She couldn’t stifle the sudden giggle fit until Luna disappeared into Celestia’s office, the door locking behind the woman. Raven smirked and stretched, rotating her chair to roll back over to the filing cabinet when she heard the click of one of the office doors opening. That was fast.

The secretary looked back over her shoulder, her jaw dropping open as Luna stepped out of her own office from across the main lobby area, dressed in her traditional work outfit of a dark collared shirt and comfortable slacks. The VP closed her door behind her and smiled in Raven’s direction.

“I’m heading out for lunch, Raven. I going to try and run some errands while I’m at it, so send any calls to my voicemail, ok?”

Raven nodded slowly, her eyes flicking back to the door to the Principal’s office. “Um...sure thing. What about...your sister?”

“Celestia is a big girl,” Luna shrugged, turning towards the hallway, “she can handle her own lunch. I’ll be back in a little while.”

Raven blinked and nodded again, unsure of what was going on. Man, things just keep getting weirder and weirder at this school.

Meanwhile, in the Principal’s office...

Celestia sighed, reclining in her desk chair while she scrolled through search results. The light from her laptop’s screen was the only illumination in the room, her window blinds closed and everything else shut down. The results she scrolled past were the same ones as last time, and the time before that. Most of them were the off color of a followed link and with each successive page, her heart sank a little further. Absolutely none of these pages had the info she was looking for, even if they were filled with information she had used before when speaking to students.

None of the pages had anything to do with magic or extraterrestrial equines. Well, none of the credible ones.

Maybe I’m over reacting. Maybe it’s a false positive. She frowned and looked at her purse where it sat out of the way under her large desk. It held the little plastic, over the counter test that had heralded her foul mood with it’s simple solid line. It’s statistically possible. Logic, as far as I’ve known it my entire life, would say that it’s impossible. Missed menstrual cycle or not. Maybe I should schedule an appointment with a doctor...do a more sensitive test.

Celestia shook her head. How would she explain herself if that test came back positive? She wasn’t married, she’d never had a steady boyfriend. Some woman might not see that as a big deal, in the long run, even if they did get pregnant. But she was a school administrator that had made a name for herself in her early career by tackling the huge issue of teen pregnancy. It was a big problem for Canterlot High, back when she’d first took over as Principal. The PTA had regular fits over it at the monthly meetings. Celestia had brought in specialists, held rallies with the students, run campaign after campaign against the systemic issue. Unlike her predecessors, she’d prevailed eventually. It had been almost a full turnover of freshmen to seniors since the last one.

Now, she might be pregnant after a one night stand. Regardless of how unbelievable the situation might be, what message did that send the students?

Celestia was just about to run another search when her door opened and her sister entered, her cool coloration blending in with the dim shadows. She raised her eyebrows at the frilly dress, looking Luna up and down for a moment before realizing which Luna was paying her a visit.

“It’s about time you got here!”

Luna closed the door behind her, leaning back against it. The human version of her sister was looking at her and the way her eyes twinkled in the light from the box these humans called a ‘computer’ sent a shiver down her spine. The similarities between the Celestias was amazing, even with the difference in body, it was hard to think that the woman sitting at the desk in front of her wasn’t her actual sister. But it was, oddly, their differences that intrigued her.

“I came as soon as I could.” Luna kept her voice soft. It seemed like a bad idea for this conversation to go beyond the two of them. From what she had gathered from Princess Twilight Sparkle, this world seemed to still be mostly unaware of the connection to Equestria. “Twilight passed your vague message to me, but I felt that you required urgency on my part.”

“You could say that.” Celestia sighed again, leaning down to pick up her purse. She fished through it for a moment and then pulled out the slim piece of plastic. “I need to talk to you, Princess.”

Luna swallowed. She liked the way this Celestia used her title. Almost like a name, formal, but personal. It was another of the small differences between this Celestia and the one in Equestria that stuck out when paid attention to. Her actual sister, in Equestria, would call her Lulu in private. What small bit of decorum Celestia maintained in front of her subjects, she dropped entirely in private. Her sister had become so lacks in her command that it sometimes struck Luna what a wonder it was that the lands had not turned to barbarism.

But here, in this world? Celestia was firm, sure, in control, and poised. She ruled the school with a caring fist. She was a stickler for rules and regulation, yet she knew when to appropriately let loose. She was everything her Equestrian counterpart was not, and Luna loved her all the more for it.

“May I sit?” Luna inclined her head toward one of the chairs on her side of the desk. “What can I help you with? It’s...been awhile since we last spoke.”

Celestia nodded and waited until Luna was seated before continuing. “Actually, Princess, it’s about that last time we were with each other that I need to talk to you about.” She lifted the pregnancy test and looked at it again in the dim lighting. “Do you know what this is?” Luna shook her head. “It’s a tester that can detect subtle changes in body chemistry. Specifically, the changes that come with having a child. And...it says I’m pregnant.”

“Er...are congratulations in order?” Luna leaned back microscopically in the chair, her heart rate quickening. She could hear in her sister’s voice that congratulations where probably not what she wanted. Their worlds were so similar that at times, Luna thought she could forget for a moment that they were not ponies, but then some little, minor thing would prove itself different. Tiny cultural or biological differences that were truly inconsequential in and of themselves, but carried consequences and connotations that affected so many other details in surprising ways.

If they had been in Equestria, there would be bells ringing, pennants flying from the castle spires to proclaim the good news. Here, in the human world, the news of a pregnancy carried some sort of melancholy. At least that was what she could see in Celestia’s eyes and the set of her powerful shoulders.

“I don’t think so, Princess.” Celestia sighed and dropped the test on to her desk. Luna’s eyes tracked it. “I’m...it’s complicated. Perhaps if it were not a surprise, then it might be a happier occasion. As it is...well...I’m still hoping the test is wrong.”

“It might be incorrect?” Luna raised an eyebrow. Human technology was impressive, almost equally in what it could and could not do. “Fascinating. Um...if it is alright, might I inquire why you hope it is wrong?”

Celestia frowned and turned her chair so she could rest her elbows on her desk. She sagged slightly and let her breath escape slowly through her nose. “It would be very inconvenient for me if I am pregnant. And...it will reflect badly on me and my position here as the principal of this school if I don’t even know who the father is. Let alone that the child might not even be human.” She looked up apologetically at Luna. “No offense, but for the most part, I don’t think many people here would accept the fact that the child is half pony. Even if your kind isn’t the animals we’re more familiar with here.”

Luna shook her head. She’d seen images of the ponies and horses that were native to this world. “No offense taken. I realize that if the tables were turned, my ponies may not take a foal that was half semian very well either. But...I’m curious what you mean about not knowing who the father of the foal...er...child is? I would have thought that obvious.” Luna eased herself forward, putting her hands on Celestia’s desk and reached across to take Celestia’s fingers in her own. “Unless you’ve got some stable of paramours I’m unaware of?”

“Oh god, no!” Celestia’s eyes widened, but she smiled and chuckled lightly at Luna’s jab. “Just you, I assure you. But last time we were together is kind of a blur. I blame the alcohol, really.” She tightened her grip on Luna’s fingers, her smile fading to a more serious look. “Luna...please tell me, were there any males there when we…?” Celestia looked down at the desk. “I mean, I would understand. Life as a pony princess is different than here.”

“Celestia.” Luna set her jaw, returning the squeeze when her sister looked back up. “I swear to you, we were the only ones there. I love my subjects, but not like I love you. I am a one mare filly.”

Celestia nodded, a hint of her earlier smile returning to her lips. “That still sounds a bit silly to me.”

“I can break into Formal High Equish if it would please you.” Luna smiled brighter. “I rather like it when you are happy, dear sister. This unsure feeling you are experiencing is vexing to me too. I adore your command, your control over yourself and the realm here. I want you to return to that. To be the leader my true sister refuses to be.”

“I’m a principal, not a Princess like you.” Celestia let her smile grow. “I’m just a normal person, Princess. I’m not a leader of a whole country. I just direct a high school. There are leagues of difference between the two.” She sighed, pulling Luna’s hands closer to her. “But if there wasn’t any...stallions...there, then what’s going on? I’ve missed my period and the test came back positive…”

“Celestia, I—” Luna started, freezing when a faint voice spoke from behind her sister.

“—ow! You’re stepping on my foot!”

“Well stop getting in my way. It’s hard enough to hear without you trampling me!”

Both Celestia and Luna turned and looked toward the office window where the muffled voices were coming from.

“Be quiet, or they’ll hear us!”

Celestia let go of Luna’s hands, standing up and stepping over to the window. She grabbed the cord for the blinds and pulled it violently, snapping them up to reveal a startled Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle huddled in the neatly trimmed bushes. She put her fist on her hips, the mantle of her office descending upon her. “My office. Now. Both of you!”

A Few Minutes Later…

Luna waved awkwardly at Raven, who stared at her from the desk in the main office area with mute, open-mouthed confusion. The secretary twitched in an eerily similar fashion as her pony counterpart when confronted with a stack of papers taller than herself. The door to the main office closed a moment later and Luna took a seat on the edge of the desk now that all the other seats were filled. Celestia was in her customary place, facing across her desk at a sheepish looking Sunset and Twilight.

Celestia cleared her throat quietly, steepling her fingers in front of her and her features softened. “I’m disappointed in you two. Eavesdropping is…” She paused and looked at Luna. “It is frowned upon in your world, correct?” The Princess nodded curtly and Celestia turned her attention back on the girls. “Eavesdropping is frowned upon in both of our worlds, and yet you did just that. Technically, Miss Sparkle, you are not a student here at Canterlot High, so I cannot give you detention, though I am sorely tempted to do so.”

“Princess Celestia can see to that back home.” Luna interjected, crossing her arms in her lap.

“However, Miss Shimmer, I believe you are well versed in the rules here.”

“Yes ma’am.” Sunset sunk in her seat, her jacket riding up to bunch under her arms. “Look...this was all my fault. Don’t punish Twilight. I talked her into...listening in.”

Celestia sighed, she eyes flicking over toward Luna for a moment. “How much...did you hear?”

“We heard enough.” Twilight Sparkle sat up and patted Sunset on the shoulder. “I could have stopped this...but I didn’t. When I heard you might be...well, you know—I just couldn’t stop! It’s amazing! I mean, first of all you’re the human equivalent of Princess Celestia and she’s an ageless alicorn of near god-like power! I’m not sure what that means for a potential offspring, given the cross-dimensional transfer, but the fact that you might have one is immensely important to my continuing studies of alicorns in general!”

Twilight leaned forward, as Sunset tried to escape further into the seat of her chair. “There has never been an alicorn pregnancy on record. This is a special case, but it could have a serious impact on how we perceive alicorn manufacture! No more might we have to wait for thousands of years for somepony special to come along, we could breed...like normal ponies! I mean the cultural impact will be massive, but on a more personal note for myself and my sister-in-law Cadance, it will be life changing! I’m sooooo excited for you!”

Celestia blinked, eyes widening at Twilight’s unexpected outburst of scientific interest and personal support. “And the fact that this potential child is the product of myself and some pony from your world?”

Twilight’s happy grin faltered and she slumped back into her seat. “Well...about that...uh, that is…” She tapped her fingers together, glancing at Sunset while she fumbled for words. “I uh...I’m not sure...how I feel about that part?”

“It is not a bad thing.” Luna turned, reaching over to touch Celestia’s arm with her fingertips. “Just...different.” She smiled reassuringly. “New.”

Celestia looked back at Luna, her uncertainty plain on her face, but she nodded softly, hugging herself. “Yes...new. I suppose the...ramifications will become clear soon enough. There is no precedent for this. It’s still early yet in development. My body may not be able to carry it to term, anyway. I don’t know what that’s like for ponies...but it’s common enough for humans.”

Luna straightened, her eyes going wide, and she sucked in a deep breath. “No! That cannot be! I thought human technology was advanced beyond measure? Surely no child should be lost to the whims of fate? Especially not this child!”

Luna jumped her feet and whirled on the desk, slamming her hands down on it with force that belied her feminine frame. She fixed Sunset with a intense stare. “You! You know this place well, tell me that this is not the case!”

Sunset gulped air and squeaked, pushing her chair back away from the Princess. “Um...it’s not like that! I mean, it is...but it’s different that Equestrian magic! Pregnancy and birth here is still a messy process...survivability is way, way above nature’s! But they can’t intervene without potentially harming the mother in some cases...it’s complicated!”

65. Fat Bottom Girls, Equestria Edition

Author's Note

<tfw some of your best parody writing is in a 146 week old comment.

65. Fat Bottom Girls, Equestria Edition

Hey I was just a skinny filly
Readin' books willy-nilly
But I knew love before I left my library
Left alone with big ol' Tia
She was such a dang good teach'a
Heap big princess, you made a bad pony out of me

Hey hey!

I've been friendin' with my band
Across the water, across the land
I've seen every blue eyed filly on the way (hey)
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them royal ladies every time

C'mon!
Oh, won't you take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside your red sunlight
Oh, and you give it all you got
Full bottomed mares you make the rocking world go round
Full bottomed mares you make the rocking world go round

Hey, listen here
Now I got wings and castles too
And I got this crown just like you
Ain't no queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh, but I still get my interest
Still get my greatest Princess
Heap big filly you done made a big mare of me (now get this)

12. "What If Scenario" unposted Lightning prompt

Author's Note

While technically written for the Lightning Round Collab, this was never published. Not sure why really.

12. "What If Scenario" unposted Lightning prompt

“Hmmm…”

“What is it?” Twilight looked up from her bowl of cereal.

Celestia tapped her chin with her hoof and chewed gently on one lip. “What if - and hear me out here - what if we just blew off doing the joint court today? Just not show up and go do something fun. What would that hurt?”

“Well, it would throw the schedules of several dozen ponies off for the day, including ours.” Twilight hummed tunelessly to herself as she thought. “That could cause unforeseen consequences that could have trickle down effects all the way to the general populace. That uncertainty could cause just enough chaos that it’ll summon Discord. And...reformed or not, you know how he gets when things are already going wild around him. I’d say that within a few hours, Canterlot could be covered in some sort of plant growth, or, alternatively, there might be a giant monster stomping through downtown.”

“Which would, of course, lead Fluttershy to try and stop Discord’s misbehavior.” Celestia offered as Twilight nodded. “And should there be a giant anything traipsing about the downtown area - again, knowing Discord - it would likely be a fluffy bunny or kitten or something.”

“And,” Twilight grinned as she picked up from where Tia had left off, “that would lead to Discord making the ‘logical’ decision to make Fluttershy into a giant so she can calm the frightened critter down and convince it to leave the city.”

Celestia giggled. “All the while, giantess Fluttershy would be apologizing to everypony for the damage being caused while she just causes more by being there!”

“Don’t forget that she would apologize for her new super-sized voice being so loud.”

“And for blocking the sunlight.”

“And for flashing the whole town!”

Celestia snorted and lifted her tea to sip it. “Discord would have too much fun with that.”

“Which is why we wouldn’t do that.” Twilight smirked and scooped up another spoonful of her oat cereal. “Because we are smart ponies.”

“Yeah,” Celestia nodded, “screw Discord.”

23. Dentistry Lightning Prompt

Author's Note

Written for this collab.

Just a quick innuendo laden Twilestia thing from a while back.

23. Dentistry Lightning Prompt

“Now open up. Yeah, like that. Wider, sweetheart.”

“‘Ike ‘is?”

Twilight nodded and took a seat. “Yes, but don’t try to speak. I’m going to need all the room I can get in your mouth.”

Celestia nodded and rested back in her own seat, her head inclined to give Twilight an unhindered view. She fidgeted in place but did as she was asked. She took a deep breath in through her nose and let it out slowly as she counted silently to ten.

“Nervous?” Twilight smiled down at Celestia as the larger mare nodded again. “About this...or about not being in control? We’ve talked about this, Tia. You can relax and let other ponies lead now and then. Besides, this should be quick.” Twilight’s smile turned sheepish. “It’s...heh, it’s not like I have a lot of experience at this. It probably won’t last long. Sorry.”

Celestia relaxed a little and her eyes twinkled with a smile. She rested a little more to her side and shook her mane out so that it spilled and pooled around her like a miniature river of rainbows. She tilted her head slightly and the look she gave Twilight was one reserved for the purple mare alone.

Twilight swallowed as Celestia looked back up at her. She didn’t even need to hear Celestia say anything. The body language said it all. The way her throat was exposed, the gentle curves that lead down to her barrel and the fan of her wings. The way her mouth was - ‘welcoming’ seemed the better term than simply ‘open.’ Twilight blushed as she felt around and kept her eyes locked on Celestia’s tongue. She couldn’t believe this was happening. That she was about to put her…

And Celestia had agreed to it. She’d given her permission when Twilight had approached her about this. In mere moments she would know the Princess like few other ponies throughout history could attest.

Twilight shook her head and focused. She had an opportunity here and she would not see it squandered. She reached out and took Celestia’s chin in her grip, holding it steady as she got closer. “First...first, we’ll start with a basic cleaning. Heh...then I’ll check for cavities…goddess, being a dentist is hotter than I thought!”

35. 'Ghosts' Twiluna prompt

Author's Note

Who ya gonna call?

35. 'Ghosts' Twiluna prompt

“Ow!”

“Be careful Luna, there are a lot of little pits and outcroppings down here. I still think it was amazing neither Cadence or I broke an ankle while we were trying to escape.” Twilight bent over and helped her companion back to her hooves.

“Thank you, Twilight. Do you truly think we’ll encounter spirits in these old mines?”

“Not really.” Twilight raised her head, her glowing horn illuminating the gloomy crystal-filled cavern. “We’re pretty near the old Canterlot subway tunnels. The rumors we’ve heard are probably just ponies getting spooked by the wildlife.”

“Wildlife?” Luna pulled up, looking around herself at the shadows cast by Twilight’s magelight.

“Cockroaches mostly, but you have to worry about the tatzlwurms. You can hear them burrowing through the walls if you listen close.” Twilight sighed. “They can grow up to 30ft long and weigh in at almost two tons!”

“Cockroaches? Ewwww…” Luna stuck out her tongue and pranced in place. “I HATE cockroaches!”

Twilight chuckled and shook her head. The tunnel stretched on into the darkness ahead of them and she had a sudden idea to lighten the mood. “Hello!”

Luna froze mid-prance and glanced at Twilight just as the echo of the shout bounced back their way.

Hello, hello hel..lo, looo…

“Hey!” Twilight grinned at Luna.
Hey, hey hey…ey…

Luna smirked and let her shoulders slump as her tension went away. Two could play at this game. “Hey!”

…

Twilight blinked and looked back down the tunnel. Silence reigned between them and the underground for a very uncomfortable matter of seconds.

LUUUUUUUUUUNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Luna turned on her heel. “That’s it, I’m leaving!”

51. Let It Out

Author's Note

My entry for the Twilestia Group Contest "Let It Out"

Written in Skype when I found a few free minutes.

51. Let It Out

"Twilight, you can't."

"Yes, I can, Celestia."

"Please don't. It would break my heart. For thousands of years I have operated under this illusion. If you do, it will change my world view. I would no longer be able to live in denial. Denial I need, Twilight."

"But if you know it is an illusion, why not accept the reality, Celestia? Embrace the real world!"

"I simply cannot. But the worst part, is it would change my view of you."

"I'll still be me. I'll still be Twilight, the dork from Downing Street. I'll still be the mare you've always known."

"No. You will be changed. Forever tainted by a reality that I cannot accept."

"I can't hold it forever, Celestia. I'm not like you. I'm not some vision of utter perfection above the world of organic mortality. I am only Equine."

"I know...and for that, I am sorry. I wish you could experience life as I do. You could, you know? There are...ways."

"I've looked into it. I'm...tempted. Immortality is the dream of the mind that aches for knowledge above all else. Infinite time to accumulate all the wealth of pony-kind's thoughts and teachings? I could like that. Spending it with you would be even better."

"But if you let it go, I do not know if we could be together anymore."

"Surely, it would not create that much a rift between us?"

"..."

"I can't believe that."

"If you don't do that, we will never have to learn if my love has limits."

"But...I have to know."

"Don't!"

"I can't hold on any longer, Celestia! If this does destroy our love, just know that our years together were the best of my life!"

"They were the best of mine as well, Twilight. I love you."

"I...know...unngg...run! Get away from here! Now that we're at this point, I don't want you to see me like this! I don't...hrrg...want you to have your last memory of me ruined!"

"No, Twilight, I will be brave. I will be strong! For you."

"Does...hhnngg...does that mean...?"

"Yes...let it go."

"Hrrk!"

loud horse flatulence

"Oh...oh my, Twilight..."

louder, longer wet-sounding horse flatulence

"Oh, ew..."

horse flatulence peters out with a high pitched squeak

"Alright, that's it."

"But our love! Celestia, forgive me!"

"My heart remains yours, Twilight, but never again will I suffer that."

"I'm sorry. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to send the whole of gas station 'cuisine' to the Moon! No more shall any pony dine on roller food again!"

57. Horse Camp (Story Idea)

Author's Note

More silly story ideas that just never really materialized into anything.

57. Horse Camp (Story Idea)

All the girls want to ride Fleur at Horse Riding Camp. She's the prettiest, gentlest, most affectionate horse there!

Somehow though, she keeps getting out of her stall at night and ends up in one of the other stalls with another mare. Or in the camp counselors' cabin shower area...

One time, she somehow not only got into the shower area, but she used up all the shampoo and other haircare products AND made it into Counselor Cadance's bunk! Cadance, of course, had to teach the horse a lesson and rode her hard all week.

To this day, Fleur gets noticeably weak in the knees when Cadance brings over a new group of girls for "practice."

Counselor Cadance IS very good with and to the girls. She's always willing to teach, hold hands, and take Fleur when the horse gets too affectionate. AND she always has room at night if someone has a bad dream.

Sunset suspects Fleur horse is actually an untransformed pony from her world, but no one believes her! Fleur is a silly horse, but otherwise perfectly normal. She swears.

70. Celestia is Coming

Celestia
Celestia
6 foot 8 is the bestia
Students beware
Students beware
She's coming
She's coming
She's coming

Let me lay it on line she had two on the vine
I mean two sets of tits so divine
On a horse made of nightmares she patrolled the land
With her Mason ring and phoenix in her perfect hands

Here comes Tia in control
Women dug her muff and her gallant stroll
Ate students brains and invented cocaine
She's coming
She's coming
She's coming

Celestia
Celestia
Six foot twenty fucking killing the restia
Part part Canterlot
She's coming
She's coming
She's coming

Sue me if I go to fast but the moms of her students wish she was their dad
Got a hip for her hips got a brain for her heart
She'll kick you apart
She'll kick you apart

She'll teach children but not the Beanis children
She'll teach children but not the Beanis children
She'll teach children but not the Beanis children
She'll teach children but not the Beanis children

She had a pocket full of horses fucked the shit out of bears
She threw a knife into heaven
And could kill with a stare
She made love like an eagle falling out of the sky
Imprisoned her sister and she never said why

Celestia
Celestia
Twelve stories high made of sextia
The present beware
The future beware
She's coming
She's coming
She's coming

Did I mention her four nuts
Well she also had four dicks
If you took off her boots you'd see the dicks growing off her feet
I heard that motherfucker had like thirty goddamn dicks
I heard she once held the hand of one of her student's dad's hand in a jar of acid at a party

Author's Note

Old memes give me life in these troubled times.

This is official Beanis canon.