A Deep, Dark Depression

Chapters

Entry 1
Entry 2
Entry 3
Entry 4

Entry 1

Is it weird that no one wants to buy my cupcakes at Sugar Cube Corner anymore? Everyone is talking about rumors of me killing ponies and baking them to a crisp to stuff inside a cupcake! It's all lies! Myths! I would do no such thing. EVER. I love everypony and know everypony. But I don't know who would be brought to say such a thing! That is not okay. Not at all! Sometimes, I just feel like letting out the Pinkamena inside of me, letting her devour all of these evil ponies. Some of them disgust me. Like my so called 'friends'. Rainbow Dash is the worst. I call her my 'best friend'. It's all lies. I HATE her. She thinks she's all that, and that she's the best flyer. But you know what? It's lies. Everything. The last time we were in the Evergreen Forest she kept talking about how awesome she was and that she was going to get into the Wonderbolts with 'no problem'. I pushed her down and said,

"Listen Rainbow Dash, you think you're awesome, don't you? Well you're not. You're stupid and very delusional to think the Wonderbolts would get somepony like YOU! They would never choose such a petty pony like you." I scoffed, after petty jabbing her chest. I trotted off, yet I heard Rainbow Dash sobbing a bit. She didn't catch up with me and I didn't look back. I froze for a second and looked at my mane. I was terrified to see that it was straight. I never EVER had a straight mane. Only when I was on the farm and when I was sad that my 'friends' had left me. Those were the times that I started to have the anger boil inside me. Not only envy and anger, but depression. I felt sad a lot. I said a lot of violent things when they weren't around. Like how I wanted to stab their petty little hearts out. I remember how stupid Fluttershy yelled at me because I killed her bird. I didn't even mean to! Well.. sorta. My Pinkamena side was released and I just couldn't help but to grab the stone next to the bench and kill the bird with it. The birds all flew away, but the one I hit couldn't fly and died of fear. Fluttershy ran when she heard the bird's screeches of pain. She yelled at me for 45 minutes straight about how 'the bird was young' and 'it wasn't his time'. Young and annoying, more like it. The dumb bird tweeted over and over and over again. He wouldn't stop pecking my mane until I lost it. I heard a tiny voice in my head that whispered kill the bird. I had to obey because it was my conscience telling me. I never had a bad conscience. My conscience knew best. It was right. Also, Fluttershy didn't talk to me for 3 weeks. Good! That pathetically shy pony never had a chance as my friend.

I remember the one day I went to Sweet Apple Acres to help Granny Smith bake a sweet Rainbow Apple Pie. My last name is pie. I thought about how easy it would be. It was basically like breathing itself. It ended up even worse, though. I couldn't stop hearing the same voice that told me to kill the bird. It kept whispering kill her. bake her. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I had to get up and say that I had a meeting. I practically ran out of the little farm house. It turns out that I ran into Applejack. It just made everything worse. Applejack tried to make me talk about what happened for the next few hours. She kept following me and bothering me. I just told her to shut up because she was being annoying and petty. She was shocked that I said that. She pointed out that my mane was straight. All of this is linking. It's like the conscience that's telling me to do stuff is leaking out piece by piece. Like how I was violent and cruel towards Dash, who hasn't spoke to me for weeks. Or how I overreacted about the stupid, annoying bird. I was right in every situation, which was something they all didn't see. They all are trying to space invade me and make me crack. Oh, that Pinkie Pie she's dumb. How gullible and petty! I'm a doormat. Now, I'm changing. I'm done being everyone's 'Welcome Home' mat. Or the corny 'Home is Where The Heart Is' picture. I'm sick of being framed and hung. I bet everyone talks about me. Even my so called 'friends'. Also, I love how Applejack mentioned the whole 'cupcake killing' situation. I yelled at her about how nopony should believe the stupid rumor maker. I also accused her of being the pony who started the rumor. She yelled right back saying that I was crazy and that I had issues I had to work out. I pushed her onto the pavement. I snickered and told her that nopony is going to walk all over me like a doormat. I'm done with those days. That's what I thought when I walked off, at least.

Well, diary, that's all for what's been happening. I'll write another entry tomorrow and I'll explain what happened with me and Twilight. For now, I'm completely exhausted. I feel my eyelids closing as I write this, so I might fall asleep right now. Thanks for listening. At least you understand me.

Until next time,
Pinkamena Diane Pie

Author's Note

I know, it's creepy to say the least. I'm trying!!!

-GrayKawaiiGeek :pinkiecrazy:

Entry 2

Okay, now everypony whispers about me when I walk in town. All I've gone around with is an anger frown and a straight, pink mane. I can't smile anymore. I honestly feel like I'm just a doormat AGAIN. Not again. Last night I had a dream about it. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Twilight, and Rarity were all giants stepping on me over and over again. They were laughing. I was crying, yelling at them to stop. They wouldn't. They called me a baby and continued stepping on me. That was until I stopped crying and yelled that I'd had enough. I grew the same size as them, and beat them all up to death. I woke up, sweating and panting. I was terrified that I was going to do that to my friends! Wait, no. They aren't my friends. Why am I becoming so soft now? I've gone to far to destroy it all now. I'm going to continue to STOP being a doormat. That's my objective. I'm done being treated like a fool. I'm sick of it. I can just imagine myself taking action. I can imagine myself hurting somepony.

I can imagine myself in the Evergreen Forest, tying Rainbow Dash to a tree. I'll smile an evil, mischievous smile, and she'll be pleading for her life. "Oh, great Pinkie." She'll say. "Please forgive me for being a jerk!" Then she'll cry some more and I'll just be laughing at her misery. She deserves it. My conscience will say.All of it. It'll be true. Then I'll take out my birthday cake slicer and slice a 'P' into Rainbow Dash's belly. She'll yell in agony, pleading for me to stop. But I'll ignore her. I'll just laugh and laugh. The tears will fall down my cheeks. I know it'll hurt, but she deserves it. My conscience will applaud me, and I'll be happy. Happy once I kill her and the rest of the pathetic ponies that dare call themselves my 'friends'. I'll finish off Rainbow by spitting in her eyes. Then, I'll chop off her wings with an axe, making her cry out even more. "Please, Pinkie, STOP!" She'll cry. I'll just laugh as the blood pours all over me. Flowing like a fresh river. Fresh, cold blood. It'll be amazing. Once she dies, I'll carve my name onto the tree. So everypony will know I'm not a doormat. They'll be scared of me. They'll really stare at me. They'll really whisper about me. "That Pinkie Pie, she's mad." "Isn't that the crazy mare who killed her friend?" They'll all know. Know what I'm capable of. I'm not a doormat.

Oh, I've almost forgotten. Me and Twilight had a fight. She's heard about all the rumors, too. She called me down to confirm if it was true. I told her that everything was a lie. A fib. A MYTH. And guess what? SHE SAID I WAS LYING. She said she talked to Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. They confirmed I was being rude to them, and being just plain violent. I hit my hoof down hard and yelled at her saying that it was all lies and how dare she invade my privacy like that. Twilight yelled straight back saying that I had problems and that she could help me. All the anger released inside of me, and I slapped her with my hoof. I jumped on her, and she was terrified. I was trying to choke her. She was struggling to breathe, and I was so happy. One less person to care about. All of a sudden, Spike jumped on me and pushed me off. It didn't take much to get out of his grasp and then I had realized what I had done. I had almost killed my friend! Twilight was getting up like old Granny Smith trying to get up from hurting her leg.Finish her, Pinkie Pie. You can do it. I felt the tears in my eyes, and I ran out before Twilight finished saying 'wait'. I ignored her, and ran to Sugar Cube Corner. I locked myself in my room for the rest of my day. Now, I'm here, writing. I've been more guilty than ever, ever since today. It's unfair how everyone treats me, Pinkamena Diane Pie, like a nobody. A doormat. That is something I will never be. Something I don't WANT to be. Something I'm sick of being. I'm crying right now. After I'm done, I'll read over this and cry some more. I guess this is it for this entry. I have to go off to help Mrs. Cake bake some cake. I told her yesterday that we shouldn't bake anymore cupcakes until this blows over. I'll see you in a bit, diary.

Thanks again,
Pinkamena Diane Pie

Entry 3

Have you ever felt guilty for something, diary? I'm guessing not. I've been guilty for plenty of things. But I wasn't guilty when I went back to Sweet Apple Acres to apologize Granny Smith and Applejack. I talked to them together, explaining how I had my mind on many things. I really do, so it wasn't such a white lie. I was shocked when Applejack stood up and hugged me. She told me that everything was okay between us. I didn't even like this. I mean, she isn't my friend. I hope I didn't say that out loud because when Applejack pulled back, she had a look of concern on her face. I gave my best fake smile. I only did this so ponies would stop the rumors. Lately, It's been out of hand. You won't believe how many ponies have gone up to the doors of Sugar Cube Corner, asking for refunds of every single cupcake they've bought from us. It's ridiculous. And now that Applejack has an apology from me, everyone will believe it when they ask and she tells. She's the most honest pony in Ponyville. She's only ever lied once, and admitted it to everypony, too. I got up to leave, when Granny Smith got up and hugged me, too. We all had a tight group hug before I said that I had to leave. Once I was out of the clear, I took out my mirror I had in my saddle bag (I forgot to mention I had a saddle bag) with my teeth. I checked my mane and sure enough, it was straight. I sighed and clippity-clopped away with my hooves until I got back home.

Later, Rainbow Dash came to Sugar Cube Corner. She rang the doorbell and I took a peek out the window. It was dark and surely, it was raining. I sighed, remembering a dark day in my life before I had gone insane. Oh Pinkie, dear, you aren't insane! We have each other. You can talk to me.I muttered a "Great." and heard the little voice scoff. I turned from the window and went downstairs. What could Rainbow Dash want? That ignorant, ego-big pony? When I finally got downstairs, I went straight to the door and opened it. A creak was heard because of the rusted door hinges, but I ignored it. Dash, of course, paid no mind to it either. She had a look of pain and anguish on her face, but more than ever, rage. I looked back at her, concerned. "Dash, what's wrong?" I asked, letting her in. She was dripping wet, and her left wing was outstretched. The wing had been badly bent, which meant one thing; it was broken. I gasped, eyeing her wing. She put her hoof up then down, as if to dismiss it. She told me she couldn't fly up to her home, and had to stay somewhere. I asked her how the wing happened. She explained to me that she had been practicing some moves, when some mysterious stallions got close to her when she landed. They attacked her, after calling her flirtatious names, and wolf-whistling her. Dash said it all went down pretty fast, so when she had the chance, she ran off. It had been raining hard by the time she came close to Sugar Cube Corner, so she decided to come and ask if she could stay. That was my chance. My chance to kill Dash and hang her in front of Ponyville! Yes, they'd be scared. I smiled an evil smile, but she didn't notice the madness in it all. I quickly said yes as she concluded her story. Her face because happy and she gave me what she never has given me herself. A hug. She pulled back fast, a tint of pink on her cheeks. Dash apologized, and we then went upstairs. I got my first aid kit and bandaged up her wing, learning from Twilight on a rainy day. She thanked me, and I laid an old sleeping bag I had when I was a filly out for her. She thanked me yet again. She had been shivering earlier, but it seemed to ease down now. She climbed into the bag and got comfortable fast. "So Pinkie" She began. "Can I tell you a secret?" She asked me, looking up at me. I nodded, then got into my bed. The sheets got up to my neck before my right hoof stopped them from going up more. Dash then had that tint of pink on her cheeks. What she said next had completely changed everything. "I like somepony, Pinkie. You." She said, sheepishly. My eyes went wide and I gasped, bringing my head up and out of my bed. I glared at her for a while. "Go to the other room." Was all I said. She looked badly hurt when she looked up at me. She got up sadly and brought my sleeping bag to the room next to mine. I was sure to lock the door then go back to bed. My mind filled with thoughts. The little voice tried to talk to me, but I blocked it out. No way was Dash coming in my way. NO. Love can't disturb me. I am through with love after stupid Cheese Sandwich leaving me. He promised me to be back. He had lied. These thoughts made me angry. I have always been a doormat. Now, I'm through with it. As I fell asleep, I could hear Dash's quiet sobs from the room next to mine.

I could love you Dash. In another world where I'm not mad. I'm sorry.

Pinkamena Diane Pie

Author's Note

WELL YEESH. That was harsh, Pinkie! Like, damn.. honestly. Poor Dash </3 This broke my heart to write :fluttercry: .

I hope the author can fix this. Oh wait, I'm the author..

-GrayKawaiiGeek :pinkiecrazy:

Entry 4

I had this dream last night about Twilight, my 'friend'. Lately I've been thinking a lot about her. Right now, I feel like I can't stand her. She bothers me about the whole rumor situation. She always tries to talk to me about it like it's true. I keep trying to ignore her, but it gets worse and she gets even more annoying than she already is. I try to get her to butt out. Finally, I couldn't take it. I basically yelled at her with everything I've been holding back. She didn't say anything, she just looked at me wide-eyed. I went home since it was night and fell asleep. The dream was about her in her house talking to me about me having a weird experience. Something about hearing voices and stuff. Then, my mane went straight and the lights went out because of a storm. I ended up finding her and completely losing my mind. I knocked her out and fillynapped her! Then, I took her to my cellar and locked her up in shackles. I ripped her open and baked her insides into cupcakes! She was begging me and crying at the same time. Then, the rest of the girls (you know, Rainbow, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity) came and caught me. That's when the dream ended. I woke up, sweating and panting. I heard the little voice in my head saying you know Pinkie, you should make it happen. I sighed. I've named this voice Pinkamena because it's the evil part inside of me letting itself out. I don't want to release Pinkamena.

I heard Rainbow snoring from the room next to me. I smiled at the thought of her being safe and asleep before the little voice criticized me. Don't think about others, Pinkie! They'll think you're a doormat! I shooed off the little voice. I got up and opened the door to my room. I stepped out, and walked to Rainbow Dash's room. I peeped inside to see her snoring. She had dried tears on her fur, making it a bit of a deep blue. I frowned of the thought of her crying over me. Me? I'm insane now. What could of pony would love me? She was probably tired and delirious. It was a stupid thought to like me, honestly. I felt my eyes get warm. She best friend.. She loved me and I never even knew.. How pathetic. I'm a pathetic waste of space in Ponyville. I should pack my things and leave. So that' what I'll do. I ran back to my room, not caring how much noise I made. I open my closet and took out my luggage bag. I began to take clothes off my rack. I shoved them in, even some scandals and boots. I packed even my silly outfits. Looking at them didn't make me giggle anymore. I used to giggle because Gummy chewed on some of my clothes and it was adorable. But since Gummy's gone, I'm gone. Ever since the accident, I've been a wreck. I finished packing and quickly put on my saddle bag with my question, bringing the mirror. I ran out of Sugar Cube Corner, making sure I left a note on my bed for Mrs. Cake, Mr. Cake, and Rainbow Dash. I heard a familiar pegasus cry out at me as I ran with all the speed in the world. It was Rainbow Dash telling me to stop running. I raised my hoof and put it in the saddle bag. I took out my pocket watch and checked the time. 12:19. The last Ponyville train comes at 12:20. That's perfect. I ran for dear life, and I stopped hearing Rainbow Dash. As I arrived, the train was parked in the station. All busy ponies were holding up tickets and waving them for dear life. Wait.. I don't have a ticket! Wait.. I saw another earth pony with my fur color. I smiled mischievously and went up to the pony. She turned and smiled at me. The pony told me hi, and we started a long conversation. Soon, she gave me her ticket because I told her I had to see my family. I thanked her, then went on the train. I saw Rainbow Dash's face right there, five feet away from my window. Her eyes went wide when she saw me. It was too late. I frowned, looking straight at her. The train pulled away from the station. Dash uncovered her bandage wing and tried to fly. She didn't fly as fast, but she flew.

"Pinkie, why are you leaving?!" She asked me, worried.

"Leave me alone! I'm never coming back!" I yelled against the wind. She refused to believe it.

"No, Pinkie Pie! I love you! This isn't you, come back home before it's too late!" I could barely hear her, but it was already too late.

"It's already too late! Have fun, I'm going to Chanterlot!" I backed away from the window, and I was about to close it, when she flew in. INSIDE OF THE MOVING TRAIN. I shoved her out, then locked the window. Her hooves pounded on the window, begging me to let her in. I didn't look at her for the rest of the ride. I finally got there, and realized the pounding had stopped. She was gone. Rainbow Dash, my best friend. No, not my friend. My enemy. Good job, Pinkie Pie! The little voice applauded me. I wasn't sure at first, but here I am, warm and comfortable in my little Chanterlot bed. I found this really nice place on the edge of this really uh.. ghetto.. town. It's really nice and comfy. They say the last owner was shot and killed. Oh well. I'm tired now. So much has happened. I'n just exhausted at the moment.

Goodnight diary,
Pinkamena Diane Pie

Author's Note

Well sh!t. That was pretty intense. I feel bad for RD still. :rainbowhuh:

AUTHOR FIX THIS! Oh wait...

-Written Splendor :heart: