The Derp that Changed My Life

A few years ago, the famous true story, "My Little Dashie", was about a pony going to the human world and couldn't stay. It turns out, a bunch of ponies in Equestria kept coming here and turned the human world into a famous vacation spot. And now pretty much everyone, including my friend, Greg, has cartoon ponies, and treat them as children.

Greg has a young filly named Lyra Heartstrings, and he is always bragging about the new tricks he has taught Lyra. I am never gonna have a pony of my own, because they are all perfect in every way. I mean, they're cute and all, but they don't exactly have a super special, unique feature (not just their cutie mark) that sets them apart from all the other ponies.

Greg and Lyra came over today just to show me that he taught Lyra to sit down like a human. Greg get's to exited about these things if you tell me, but don't tell him I said that. And here's another thing; Greg thinks of me like I'm her uncle, but we don't have a very strong bond.

"Hey, Lyra! Do you want anything to eat?" I ask the little aqua colored filly as she plops her flank on my couch. "Ya got any apples?" She says with a little exited grin. I looked in my fridge, and all I have is Muffins, Milk, eggs, and a half eaten sandwich. "Any chance you like muffins? I'm all out of apples right now." I shrugged, doubting she liked muffins. Lyra looked a little disappointed. "Um, no thanks." She smiled a little. This is one of the things wrong with ponies: They don't like muffins.

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The next day, I was walking home from work (McDonald's) and Vinyl Scratch was street performing, scratching records with a cool beat. In front of her, there's an old baseball cap overflowing with dollars and quarters. I dug through my pocket, looking for my last spare quarter, and toss it in her cap. Vinyl took off her glasses, and extended her hoof in front of me, and left it there for a few seconds and she said, "Don't leave me hangin'!" I made a fist and gave her a brohoof.

I kept walking home, and felt like the only brony in the world without a pony.

At my doorstep, there was a small brown blanket that was bundling up a small sleeping creature. It had a sticky note on it with marker that read; "No room in nursery, please care and love." I stared at the note for a while, and turned the little blanket. there was some pale yellow hair sticking out of it, and a bluish gray skin. It turns out it was a pony. Thanks Greg for plopping this pony at my doorstep, forcing me to be it's parent! What else was I supposed to do? Let the little filly sit on my porch and starve? It was lunch time! I gently put down the little thing on my sofa, and picked up the phone. BEEP BEEP BEEP. I angrily poked the buttons as quietly as I could, and then Greg answered. "Greg? Did you put that little pony at my door?" "What pony? I'm teaching Lyr-" I cut him off. "Yeah yeah yeah, okay. Are you sure?" I snapped. "Yup." I hung up. staring at that pony. After about ten minutes, I'm still staring at the pony, and she finally woke up. She struggled out of the blanket, and stretched out her wings. She is a Pegasus! She noticed me, and gave me a huge smile. There was something about her eyes that caught me. One of her brownish yellow eyes was pointing at the floor and the other at the ceiling. That was kinda cute, but I've never heard of a mentally disabled pony. I decided to call her Derpy, but I didn't expect to keep her. I was gonna find out if someone lost her or something.

"Are you hungry?" I say softly. She just stared at me. I opened the fridge, forgetting what small choices there was, and gestured her to help herself. One of the muffins caught her eye, and she slowly smiled ear to ear, like filly Pinkie Pie did in "The Cutie Mark Chronicles". She flew over to it and gobbled it down. She looked at me with a smile covered in crumbs, and grabbed another muffin with her mouth and put it in my hand.

We both nibbled muffins together for lunch.

Something told me that I was gonna like Derpy.

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To Be Continued