She sat there. Once last time. Looking out at the sunset. One last time. The hues of red, orange, and gold, mixed together, in such a way, she smiled. The last sunset she’d ever see. And it was perfect.
At least, she would have that. She had written a letter to him. Short, and to the point. She left it a side, in her old tattered mail bag. He would find it. If he even found her. She knew he wouldn’t but, just in case, she didn’t want to have any regrets. Life had become, unbearable, to say the least.
Knife in hand. Pressing it’s cool, silver blade against her fur. Her fur, damp, and moist from the tears that had fallen. She was once again alone.
Alone.
She had been left behind. He had left her. Telling her, that it was for her own good. That she would be safer.
But she knew. She knew it was just an excuse. Because that’s what they all did. Made up excuses, so that they wouldn’t have to face her. Her tears. She begged him, pleaded, for her to let her go with him. To give her another chance. But he denied. Told her, he couldn’t bear to see her hurt. Again another excuse.
Because that’s what they all did.
She so desperately wished he would care. Wished he would feel the same. Wished… He didn’t leave her.
Alone.
But she knew it was for the better. She wouldn’t be a burden. Heavy weight. Dragged around, every adventure.
He was no different. Yet, he was. She had trusted him. Trusted overtime, when he said, he would be there. Be there when she needed him. And it hurt. Because he had told her, he would never leave her.
But what hurt the most? Was it him leaving her? Or him, not coming back? Not being there for her? Not when she was beaten, by those who saw her as weak? Not being there when they called her, retarded, stupid, useless? When they called her weak?
But she couldn’t blame them. For it was all true. True, she was weak. True, she was stupid, and retarded. And true she was useless. But even as it was all true, when she was with him. He made her feel...different. He said, “Brilliant!” when she had accidentally, done the right thing. Praised her when she uncovered, the biggest clue. Seen what he had not. Smiled at her, even through her clumsiness. Told her…She was worth it. Told her, that he needed her.
No. What hurt the most, was when even as she let the very life pour out of her. One last time. He hadn’t come. But it was all because, he didn’t care.
And it hurt.
She just wanted it too all go away. The emotional pain. The physical pain. All of it. Her heart, had broken, because in the very end. She had seen him. Seen him with another. A mare with a rose colored mane, and a beige coat. He smiled at her, the way he smiled at her before. She hoped he would be happy. Happy, and have wonderful adventures with her. Hoped. He wouldn’t remember her. Hoped, he wouldn’t think it was her fault.
And her heart, had shattered to unfixable pieces, when she realized at the very end.
She would die.
Alone.
———————————————————————————————————
But as her world began to fade, colors, mixed together. Dulling, turning grey. She heard his voice. The one that she loved. The one she cherished, so dearly, and believed, she would never hear again. Calling her name.
“Ditzy!”
She smiled. The last thing she wanted, was for him to do for her, was say her name. Maybe. Maybe she wouldn’t be alone.
She heard the trotting of his hooves, get closer and closer. Through the corner of her eye, she could make out his figure. Earthy browns, blurred, as did her vision.
“No,” He chocked.
He held her close to him. Warmth filled her. Happiness. Relief. He did care. He would be there with her, at least. For the end.
“You’ll be okay, I swear it!” He reassured himself, his tears, fell down onto her chest.
No. This wasn’t how she wanted to go. Not with him there. Her death would only affect him. But him, it would hurt the most. Even if he cared, so little. Her death only would hurt him. Tears welled up in her eyes.
“I’m sorry I could’t be better,” She said, voice hoarse, and broken.
“No, no, you were absolutely brilliant,” He smiled at her, his navy blue eyes, locked onto her golden ones.
She coughed, and when she did, he sobbed.
“All my fault…” He moaned. She was tortured by those words. It truly wasn’t. He just sped the process of realizing how unneeded she was. And for a while, she was happy. Happy with him. Just the very presence of him, brought joy, and life. It was a good life while it had lasted.
She so desperately wanted to say her last words to him. The last three.
Blood fell out of her mouth, as she smiled. The light drained out of her eyes. She looked to him, his sapphire blue eyes, held anguish, despair. She sighed. She caused him that pain. He had someone else, yet he still worried for her. Why couldn’t she do anything right? That was something she’d have to die with. The pain of being a burden to others. To him. To her Doctor.
“…Doctor…” His name would be her last word.
In her heart, she wished, his sadness over her wouldn’t be driven by guilt, but by love. She wished he would say those words to her.
And in her heart, she knew she was alone.
Alone with no one to love her. Because she knew he was just a figment of her imagination, made up for her last moments, by her. So she would be happy.
And she fell into oblivion.
———————————————————————————————————
The day he had told her she couldn’t continue her time with him as a companion. He lived alone. Sadness, and depression consumed him. He didn’t want to see her be hurt. And he didn’t want to face the truth. The truth that he had fallen for her. Fallen for her, and continue on, risking her life was unbearable. She would let her live her life, and perhaps, check on her every while or so. He watched her afar, shopping for baking ingredients. Sitting, reading a book in a cafe. Talking with acquaintances she made. But every time, she had the same saddened look behind her golden eyes. He thought he imagined at first, but he saw as she roamed, alone, never truly paying full attention to the conversation at hand.
On a particular day, of watching her from afar, he had bumped into someone. A stranger. Rosebud? Rose Quarts? Something of the sorts, but he had gotten into a short conversation with her, putting on a fake smile, and laughed at her words. He didn’t pay any attention though. He just wanted to be with her again. At least, see her. But by the time, The cherry haired mare had finished talking, the blond, was no where in sight.
He trudged back to the TARDIS, mourning for his love. He wished he could really be with her, and not put her in danger. But that was selfish.
When he shut the door, he slid down to the ground, hopelessly, in utter defeat.
Maybe. Maybe he could visit her. Maybe… He could tell her how he felt. And if she didn’t want him, then he would leave.
Yes. Yes, that’s what he would do.
And so he cleaned himself up, making himself presentable, and put on the green tie she had given to him.
The sun had set on the hill. He began making his way to the wall-eyed mare’s small home, but paused, when he heard someone whispering to themselves.
“…couldn’t be better..."
He listened more intently, yet, he didn’t want to delay his visit.
“…Doctor..."
He knew that voice.
It was the same voice, that he had grown accustomed to, over the course of their time together. It was the same voice he heard the first time, he stepped out of the TARDIS. The same voice that had taught him all the basics of being a pony. Because it was her voice.
Her sweet, innocent voice.
Ditzy
He sped, towards where the voice had come from. And what he saw, made him fall to the ground.
Lain across the soft green grass, was a mare. You would have thought she was just sleeping, but as he surveyed her, he caught the sight of gashes across her front two hooves. Her grey fur was partly, matted and wet, by her cheeks. Her mouth was slightly parted, and her ears flattened against her head. And her golden eyes, were half way opened, staring upwards to the night sky. She wore only her chestnut colored, mail satchel.
Her blood stained the lush green grass. Crimson, stained in droplets. As if it were dew.
Maybe. Maybe she was just asleep. Yes! That was it! She was just sleeping. Maybe she just fell, and scraped her wrists, and was taking a short nap. Because… Because she couldn’t possibly be dead.
He moved from his fallen position over to her. Propping her up so she rest on his chest. Tears fell from his sapphire blue eyes, as he sobbed a bit.
“No, no, no,” he moaned.
“Y-You’re just sleeping! Get up! C’mon! Get up, now!” He cried out at her. But he knew. No one heard him.
Because now he was alone.
"I never got to tell you...
...How much I loved you..."
Alone.
