Handsome Jack Here!

by L00PMAN

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 1949

Jack in Equestria, What fun could be had in this new land. Will he hate the look of it or will he learn to embrace it. Handsome Jack is the hero of the story so to speak. But will his past lead him to being the man they all hate.

After his fall on Pandora, Jack find himself in a new world of friendship and magic. Will this "hero" find peace of mind in this new world. Or will it be Pandora all over again. Will he learn to live with the new curse put on him by the ancient or will it consume him just as his hatred did. Who knows, all you need to know is that claptrap is not involved. Thank god

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-03 06:19:47 UTC

A Hero in Ashes

Back for another story from old Marcus eh? One with action, loot, and destruction? if not i'm telling you anyway.

There was once a man who thought he could dictate the lives of everyone on Pandora. His name was Handsome Jack. He killed anyone that would not join him and his cause and almost succeeded in doing so. Until the vault hunter came. The vault hunter used their wits and their guns to destroy Handsome Jack and his army before they could use the Warrior to end all life on Pandora. But, he was not truly dead. His soul was given another chance in a new world. One of friendship and harmony. But to stay alive in this new world. He must cleanse himself of his past sins through the power of friendship. Our story begins with him. And with a group called the Elements of Harmony.

Handsome Jack awoke to a field of grass and flowers of pink and red.

"Ugh what the hell is going on, last thing I remember was being brained by those damn child killing FUCKING BANDITS!!!" Handsome Jack tried to get to his feet but a pain in his legs did not allow him.

"Damn legs, who needs them anyways BLAKE, GET ME UP OR YOUR FAMILY GET'S A ONE WAY TRI.... Right no Blake anymore" He pushed a button on his wrist to activate his portable sonic boost and set it on low. "Haha sonic boost technology, best thing I have ever invented on so many levels, that damn scientist who claims he invented it sure felt my fucking wrath" He used the booster to push himself to his feet.

His shield whizzed slightly and charged up ready to take any damage received and make itself stronger with each strike.

"I am hungry, BLAKE GET ME SOME FUCKING PRET... right not on Pandora anymore." Handsome Jack headed to a nearby hill to get a better look of the land.

Once he reached the top he a yellow and pink creature in a clearing left of the hill.

"It looks like a pony that can talk, maybe she has some food that she can give me." He said as he started to make his way down the hill.

"And if she does and wont give it to me Ill just beat it out of her until she does give it to me." he mumbled under his breath.

Fluttershy was doing her morning run looking for some food for her animals when saw a strange two legged creature coming towards her. He was in a yellow and gray suit come in her direction. She leaned back to a stone wall and was trapped while the creature headed towards here. Maybe it's friendly she thought. The creature then spoke.

"Hey yellow horse you have any food I can have, i'm starving." Handsome Jack was trying to be as friendly as possible to increase his chances

"I.... W-w-what are you?" Fluttershy spoke in a terrified voice.

Handsome Jack spoke. "Do you seriously not know what I am, i'm a human being we are everywhere on many planets I am a famous human, Handsome Jack is the name, now do you have fucking food or not?"

"I-I-I do but they are for my animals." She spoke

"Give me some god damn food or I will slowly have you killed by setting you on fire!" Handsome Jack pulled out his Maliwan pistol the "Pandora Liberator" and aimed it at the terrified pony. He felt a jolt in his whole body and fell to the ground in pain. "ARGHHHH." Handsome Jack screamed in pain.

"Oh my are you okay?" Fluttershy spoke in a scared tone.

"Do I look okay?!" Handsome Jack yelled

Fluttershy lifted Jack to his feet and kept him up. Jack spoke. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME?!" Jack tried to recall what he had heard after he was shot. Some Jackhole telling him to play nice or something

Fluttershy was utterly terrified. "I did nothing you just fell to you knees please don't hurt me!"

Jack held the yellow pony by the throat and put his gun to her head.

"I am going to kill you, no matter where you go creatures are all the same, BANDITS!" Jack was spilling out the anger from being shot onto her.

Fluttershy was in tears. "But I-i-i didn't do a-a-anything just stop please!" Fluttershy's face was soaked in tears

Handsome Jack again felt a jolt of pain but this time in the hand his pistol was in, his hand twitched and he fired the gun and hit a nearby tree which was set ablaze by the pistol's fire effect.

Fluttershy was on the ground sobbing very loudly waiting for the end of her life when Jack grabbed her.

"If I don't get you out of here we both die and I don't feel like dying because of some overemotional pony." Jack grabbed her and rushed to the nearby hill that lead back to the field that he woke up in. Once there he set her down in the grass with a hard thud which made her wake up and jump with a gasp due to her fainting from shock.

"I want to know now what the HELL is going on, tell me or I will pull the trigger and this time twitch or not I wont miss."

Fluttershy was still crying. "I d-did not d-d-do anything t-to you-u-u, you just f-fell down in p-pain." Fluttershy was crying more than ever now.

Jack was calmed down enough to create a sentence that did not involve killing the pony in front of him. "Then what the fuck happened, I felt a pain in my body like I was getting struck with a buzzaxe."

Fluttershy had slightly calmed down. "Please believe me, you just fell to the ground, I did not do anything."

Handsome Jack still did not trust her but decided it would be in his best bet to try and comfort the pony which might help him out in finding out what was going on.

"Listen, whatever the fuck you are, I have had a troubling day okay, I was shot in the head, my daughter died, and a GOD was killed by a few fucking bullets to it's face, and this is not HELPING me calm myself." Handsome Jack tried to sound as gentle as his personality would allow, he has talked to babies before, he had one which died by those fucking vault hunters. Man did it feel good to put a bullet in Roland's back, give those fuckers the what for.

"I would ask of you to forgive that episode back there and the slight burning of the forest." He looked back in the direction of the forest and saw less smoke, perhaps this world understood the concept of a fireteam and the battled it while they talked.

Fluttershy was calmed down now. "Please don't do that ever again, please don't hurt me."

Handsome Jack smiled and thought about his army and his people, the people he swore to protect. Now he had new people to protect, just no power. Should he do the same thing he did on Pandora, man that was being a god but I have a feeling due to my new curse or whatever that was, that feat would be impossible. He'll find a way though. He is Handsome Jack after all.

Ponyville (soon to be the new Jackville)

The trip to Ponyville was short. Jack liked short, it made things simple and easy. Short range easy kill, short small city with minimal rights and over 200+ laws easy governing. Short was a thing he was inspired by making his loaders arms short and stubby and inventing the WEE loader was a great show of it. To bad his life was also short. During the trip Jack decided to ask some questions about the town they were visiting and the people who lived in it for future reference

"So first of all what Is your name is your name like Greedy-Postulant-Asshole-Horse or something?" Jack laughed to himself inside when he thought of the name

Fluttershy spoke, "Um, no my name is Fluttershy." She said shy like.

She sure has the shy part down right but what about the flutter... Oh hey wings. WAIT A WINGED HORSE?! Jack thought to himself.

"Is there something wrong Jack?" Fluttershy said in an apologetic tone.

"What the hell are you exactly, a winged horse is not common in our world of flying, well, practically everything if you can throw it or blow it up enough." Note to self Jack, don't bring up my planet and I will have to go into in-depth description of what it is and what I did and that might compromise my chances of getting out of here.

"Oh well I'm a Pegasus pony one of the 3 types of ponies in this region." Fluttershy said with a slight bit of pride.

Jack should find out more about these types of ponies. "Fluttershy what other types of ponies are in this world, I would no suppose there to be just regular ponies or unicorns or anything like that."

Fluttershy giggled and spoke. "Actually yes those are the other types of ponies well and Alicorn but those are rare and special ponies who are normally princesses, in fact my friend is one of these."

Oh yeah! First day into this world and already going to meet a dictator. Well, with less of the assassinating them and throwing them off Helios which is where they all came. Man I remember throwing Alma Harren off of the station along with that stupid cat of hers and they went splat in space and oh my god it was great. Oh yeah I forgot still in pony land...... And we are approaching Ponyville. Guess I wont get any creepy personal information on her friends to dick around with them. Jack thought in his head as they entered the town of ponies.

The town was full of life when they first arrived, now everyone was quiet staring in awe at the creature that was walking along next to Fluttershy.

"W-what are you?" A grey stallion said from the front of the crowd.

"Oh my god do I seriously need to answer that question to everyone I see now?"  "My name is Handsome Jack kiddos President of Hyperion the makers of guns and technology that can kill you in an instant now can I leave? Handsome Jack was being impatient and wanted to get away from all of the staring pony eyes as soon as possible.

Fluttershy spoke up. "He is someone I found in the woods and promised to bring here, don't pay him no mind, unless he points that thing with the red lights at you." Fluttershy half whispered the last part to the ponies and they went on doing their daily routine, still suspicious of the being that walked among them.

The two approached a hollowed out tree that had the look of a house.

Fluttershy spoke "Jack, try to be nice to my friend in there, she is a princess after all, and my friend."

"Fine, if I did not have this pain curse or whatever you would be dead anyway and so would the entirety of this town so I don't want to think of the pain that comes with harming a dictator of this world and making this the new Jackville."

Fluttershy knocked on the door and a purple and pink Unicorn, no wait, Pegasus, no both, the monarch.

Handsome Jack was going to have fun tonight.