"Pinkie Pie! Just the pony I wanted to see!"
Rainbow Dash grinned as she picked herself off the ruined tile, cricking her neck back into place. She took a quick glance behind her--yeah, the door could be payed for-- before shaking off the drywall off her saddlebags and trotting forward. "Hey, um, I need some help with something, okay?"
Pinkie bounced over. "Okeydokeylokay! What do you need because I want to help you with whatever you need unless what you need is suicidal but you'd still need help if you were that depressed it would just have to be a different kind of help and even though I have a psychological degree I'm not sure if I'm the best pony in town to talk to in that case--"
"I need to cook something!" Rainbow shouted.
The earth pony cocked her head. "You need to...? Don't you live off fast food and granola bars?"
"Well, yeah, but this is a special..." The pegasus blinked, her ears finally catching up with her brain. "Wait. You have a psychological degree?"
"Well duh! How do you think I throw all the best parties ever?"
Dash took a moment to process that, before shaking her head. "Whatever. Look, I need to cook something special for... um... a friend of mine. It's her birthday soon, and--"
"OOO! Who is she? Can I come to the party?" Pinkie thrust herself at her friend, eyes wide and grin wider. "Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleeeeeeeease?!"
"Um." Rainbow Dash folded in her wings. "It... there isn't a party."
Pinkie's face froze in incomprehension. "...What?"
"She doesn't... like... parties--It's cultural, okay?" The pegasus managed to break her gaze. "Anyway, I want to cook her something special. I've got all the ingredients here in my bags--"
"Okay then, let's get cooking!' Pinkie immediatly snapped out of her trance and reached into the saddlebags--
Rainbow slapped her away. "NO! No, um... I want to do this myself, heh! Personal gift, you understand right?"
Pinkie wrinkled her snout. "Owie ouch ow!"
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry--"
"DON'T! Think anything of it!" Back to all smiles, the earth pony bounded over to the oven. "That friend of yours is one lucky pony to have such a loyal friend who would bake something for her! You know how to operate a stove, right?"
Rainbow grinned back, somewhat less sure. "Y-Yeah, of course I know how to work a stove! You just turn the knobs, stick on a pan, and everything's hot!" She walked over next to the stove, putting her saddlebags on the counter beside it. "And the oven is just the same!"
"...No it's not."
"Except you use a cakepan!" the pegasus amended.
"Are you surrrrrre you don't need help?" Pinkie Pie moved suspiciously between her friend and the potential instrument of death. "Because I'm perfectly willing to--"
"Nonono thanks anyway!" Rainbow dash grinned at her. "Perfectly fine here!"
Pinkie sat down and smiled back.
Rainbow shifted her eyes to the stove, then back to pinkie. "Um... Do you have anywhere you, ya know, need to be?"
"Nope!"
"...Are you sure? I mean I thought today was, um, Scootaloo's cutecenera."
"That's not until next year, silly!" Pinkie pie giggled.
"Oh."
The pegasus shifted on her hooves for a moment or two. Then she pulled a knife out of the saddlebags and set it carefully beside the stove.
"...next year, did you say? How do you know that?"
"I have my ways." Pinkie's smile never wavered. "And after all, Scoots is still blank!"
"Right, right." Rainbow reached into her saddlebags and fished around--"Ah, lemon. And a sack of flour--"
The sack was completely empty, a large gash down its side. Rainbow gulped, peering into her saddlebags. "...Um, Pinkie, is it okay if I borrow--?"
Instantly, a cup of flour was on the counter beside her. Pinkie stood beside it grinning innocently. "How much do you need?"
"WAH! Aha... um the recipe calls for four cups in a bowl--" No sooner had the words left lips then did Rainbow find what she requested right in front oof her. "Oh. Thanks!"
"Anything for a friend!"
The pegasus grabbed the lemon, held it over the bowl, and squeezed. And squeezed some more. Twisting her hooves, she squeezed again. "If I can just apply enough...pressure..."
"Um, Rainbow? You have to cut the lemon open first." PInkie was standing next to her again, a knife helpfully balanced on her snout.
"Er, yeah, if you want to take the easy way out!"
Pinkie gave her a flat look as the knife spun slowly between her eyes.
"...which apparently I do." Rainbow grabbed the knife and chopped open the lemon, squeezing its juices into the bowl. "Right, now for the herbs!" She reached into her saddlebags again and grabbed some small greens, pounding them into the mixture with her hooves. "And make sure they're all spread out... add some rice--"
Looking in her bags, she groaned. "Dang it. The rice leaked out! Um, Pinkie--"
"Brown or white?" Pinkie teleported to the other side of the room next to two sacks helpfully labeled RICE in black and white respectively.
Rainbow Dash gave her a confused look. "Wait, there's more then one kind of rice?"
"Yeah! Brown is healthier but white is softer!"
"Um... Three cups brown rice?"
Pinkie Pie bounced over, the measured grains balanced on her head. "Rightio! Shall you do the honors?"
The pegasus blinked. "Huh? Oh yeah!" She shook off her confusion and poured the rice into her concoction, mixing it all up with her hooves. "And add a cup of water.... set the oven to 375 degrees then put the thing in--"
"WHOA NO!" Pinkie held out a hoof. "Not in that glass bowl!" She pulled out a stone tablet and spread a sheet of foil over it. "Pour it out on this."
Rainbow Dash, completely caught off balance by her friend's serious look, obeyed instantly. Pinkie was quick to shove the stone into the oven.
"Rainbow, trust me on this: GLASSWARE AND OVENS DO NOT MIX. EVER." Pinkie shuddered. "Anyway, how long does that have to be in there?"
"Um, twenty minutes." The pegasus managed to shake her head, catching sight of her saddlebags. "Anyway, now I need to do the sauce. I... totally forgot to bring a saucepan--"
CLANK.
"Oh, thanks Pinkie! So... crushed apples. I have some whole apples here, shouldn't be too hard to crush them--"
"Skin 'em slice 'em dice 'em!" Pinkie had already taken the apples out of the saddlebags and was expertly shredding them to bits with a knife.
"Hey! I wanted to be the one who--"
Pinkie swiftly poured the apple chunks into the saucepan. "And you wanted to add the tomato juice and the mushrooms, turn the heat up to high and cap the pan?"
"Yes! Now let me just--"
"Done and done!" The earth pony spun swiftly, flicking all the ingredients in. "And now all you need to do is the main course--"
"No stop--!" The earth pony opened the bags to reach in--
There was a moment when all that could be heard was the sauce bubbling away.
"...yeah, that's why I wanted to do this on my own."
Rainbow watched as Pinkie slowly withdrew the dead ferret clasped between her hooves. She cringed.
"...who is this friend, exactly?"
The pegasus sighed. "Well... I mean, she's been my friend forever, and it is her birthday tomorrow... we've always met up for it--"
"It's Gilda, isn't it."
Rainbow winced. "Yeah. Yeah it is."
Pinkie Pie did not turn around.
"Look, Pinkie, the party fiasco was really bad for us and her! I just wanted to do something special this time, open the winds again.... and she is, kind of, omnivorous..."
Pinkie Pie still did not turn around.
"I, um, I asked Fluttershy for the, um, the ferret... I did tell her what I meant to do with it. She wasn't happy, but one of them had died this morning...."
Pinkie Pie didn't turn. However, she did manage to speak. "Fluttershy knows about this?"
"Yeah. Crazy, right, that she'd let me... just..." Rainbow Dash trailed off.
The sauce bubbled some more.
"...you probably need to skin this."
"What?"
Pinkie Pie turned, smiling gently. "Fur doesn't go into ovens. You need to skin the ferret, and maybe pull out his claws. That is why you brought the knife, right?"
Rainbow nodded. "Um, yeah. How did you--?"
"Let's just say... you're not the only one who knows meat eaters." She stepped aside, letting the pegasus head toward the counter.
Rainbow Dash gripped the knife, trying to figure out what to do next. Then she rolled her eyes. "I can't do this, can I? I don't know how to skin a--"
SHNIKT.
"Done," Pinkie pronounced, putting the knife down and tossing the skin into the incinerator. "Put on a stone, let cook for forty minutes, take out and stuff. This one gets my special stone, mind you; don't want the meat flavor to sink into our usual wares."
"Um--" Rainbow watched as her friend moved quickly around the kitchen. Finally, she shrugged. "Well... thanks Pinkie. I.... really didn't expect you to take it this calmly. Could you not tell--?"
"Don't you worry about a thing. And be back here at four! I'll have it ready then, all you need to do is microwave it for fifteen minutes before serving." The earth pony waved a hoof, focused on her work.
Rainbow smiled. "Got it. You're awesome, you know that?" She walked out the door smiling.
Then she paused. "Wait.... was that an incinerator?"