Fluttershy's Secret

by AnneCD

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Slice of Life
Length: 3657

Fluttershy comes out to the rest of the six. Gender politics - and romance - ensue.

Fluttershy comes out to the rest of the bearers of the Elements as a trans mare. This story follows what happens next: with her, with the mare she's fallen in love with, with the Mane Six, and with respect to their friendship.

This was (and remains, for that matter) my first fic, and was an attempt to apply concepts of transgender identity to Equestria. I felt like a world as accepting of, well, everything as Equestria tends to be would be a fascinating place to explore identity. I hope it worked!

(I wrote this before reading Dash's Secret (by Hopefox), but if you enjoyed this story, I can't recommend Dash's Secret highly enough. It engages with some of the same issues, but is (IMHO) better written than mine. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1876/Dash%27s-Secret)

A note: "trans mare" refers to somepony assigned male at birth and raised as a colt who comes to identify as a mare later in life. I'm following human usage here.

Published 2012-05-12 03:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-12 03:44:01 UTC

Fluttershy's Secret

Fluttershy stood at the door to the library. She'd asked the other fillies to meet her here, but now that the moment had arrived she was losing her nerve. She strongly considered slinking away and telling them later that she'd fallen ill. 'No', she thought. 'Now or never, and they have to know, they HAVE to.' More timidly than she'd ever done anything, she tapped at the door.

It opened almost immediately, and she saw Twilight Sparkle standing there gazing at her. Fluttershy's eyes filled with tears, knowing what she had to say, knowing what it would mean... and knowing that it would mean the end of the dreams that she'd had of a life with the unicorn who stood before her.

"Fluttershy?" Twilight said, in a low voice. "Are... are you all right?"
She took Fluttershy in her forelegs, pressing her close. Fluttershy closed her eyes, letting this be just one more time before she lost Twilight forever.

Finally, she looked up at the violet mare. "I'm -- I'm all right, Twilight," she lied. "May I come in?"

Twilight moved to the side, letting the pegasus in. She looked into the library, seeing her friends, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, the mares who meant so very much to her, waiting there for her. Waiting to hear her, to judge her, to hate her.

There was Rarity, absentmindedly brushing her luxuriant mane, her horn glowing softly as she levitated the hairbrush. There was Pinkie Pie, laying out a tray of muffins and cupcakes, ever the host even away from home. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were seated together on a couch that Twilight had asked Spike to drag in; Dash's head was pillowed on Applejack's shoulder, and the two were hoof in hoof. Her heart ached for them; they had what she never could.

"Um, so, thank you everypony for coming. There's -- there's something I need to tell you," she murmured. She took a breath.

Applejack smiled at her. "Go ahead, sugarcube," she said gently. "We're listenin'."

Fluttershy nodded. "You've all been such good friends, and I love every one of you." Twilight felt the slightest of blushes on her face. "So I need to do this. I need to tell you what I haven't. I need to share my secret."

She paused. This was it. "There's a reason my cutie mark is butterflies. I -- I haven't always been a filly."

Rarity gasped, just slightly. Dash cocked her head at her fellow pegasus. "Wait, what d'you mean?" she asked. "You're not a filly now either, you're a mare. I don't get it." Out of her line of vision, Rarity facehoofed.

Applejack and Twilight stared at Fluttershy as if they'd never seen her before. "Sugarcube..." Applejack began, "are you tellin' us that you... that you were..."

Fluttershy hung her head. "Yes. I... I was born a colt." At that, Dash's head shot up. "WHAT?" she shouted. "But I knew you in flight school, you were a filly, you were always a filly!"

Fluttershy kept gazing at the ground. "I let everypony think that," she mumbled. "I always looked a lot like a filly and I wanted to be one so, so much, and... and... I'm so sorry!" It was too much. She burst into tears, sprang a foot into the air, and soared out of the library, sobbing.

The remaining ponies exchanged stunned glances. Dash was halfway to the door before Applejack laid a remonstrative hoof on her flank, halting her. Rarity broke the silence. "Did anyone see this coming?" she asked, her voice shaking.

Pinkie Pie raised a hoof. Rarity sighed. "Did anyone who DOESN'T have Pinkie Sense see this coming?" Dash and Twilight shook their heads, but Applejack was looking thoughtful. "I knew there was somethin' funny," she said. "Fluttershy never did like to talk about flight school, or anythin' that happened before she -- he --" she broke off. "Horseapples. How the hay are we supposed to talk about Fluttershy?"

Rarity shrugged. "Well, if... our friend... is really a colt, I suppose we ought to call him... him."

Dash sighed. "I don't like it, but we have to call her, I mean him, something." Rarity nodded, satisfied.

Applejack resumed. "When I knew, ah, him before, he was never really willin' to talk about the past, before she -- he came to Ponyville. So I wondered, and I thought maybe there was somethin' from back then that he didn't wanna deal with. And, well..."

Rarity nodded again. "So I suppose the question, my dears, is simply this: if Fluttershy is... well, what he is, is he still a part of us? How much does this change things?"

"It doesn't!"

The four ponies' heads turned, looking to the one filly who'd said nothing up until this point.

"It doesn't," Pinkie Pie repeated. "Fluttershy's our friend, remember? And she--"

"He," Rarity reminded her.

Looking more angered, Pinkie resumed, "SHE is the kindest pony I've ever met and I've met a lot of ponies and she IS the one with the Element of Kindness, so there's that, and I don't see why it matters if she used to be a colt, 'cause isn't it more important who she is now than who she was?"

Looking uncomfortable, Applejack broke in. "Um, Pinkie, don't ya see that it's a LITTLE BIT odd that one of our best friends is really a stallion?"

"No she's not," Pinkie Pie retorted.

Rarity sighed again. "Pinkie--"

"She ISN'T!" Pinkie insisted. "And if you're all going to be Meanie McMeaniepants about this, I'm leaving." And she did.

Rarity huffed. "Well! If that isn't the most ridiculous--" She broke off. "I need some fresh air, my dears. If you need me, I shall be at the boutique." She trotted out, leaving Dash, Applejack, and Twilight. The former pair looked at Twilight sympathetically.

"Sugarcube..." Applejack got up and put a hoof on the unicorn's shoulder. "Are you all right, Twilight? You ain't said one word since Fluttershy--"

And at that word, that name, Twilight's control failed. She burst into tears and sank to the floor. "Oh, Applejack, Dash..." she whispered. "I'm in love with Fluttershy..."

The pegasus and the earth pony exchanged dumbfounded looks. "Twilight," Applejack finally said, "we didn't even know you were... ah..."

"Like us," Dash broke in. "Oh, Twilight--" and her forelegs were around Twilight Sparkle in a flash, followed immediately by Applejack's.

Twilight sniffed. "And now... there's no way she likes fillies. There's no WAY. She can't possibly. If I'd been born a colt... think of it! No being judged, no being rejected, I'd just love mares like every other stallion!"

"Well, not EVERY other," muttered Applejack, thinking of Big Macintosh, before being shushed by Dash. Twilight didn't notice the interruption, and resumed. "So... why would she choose to be a filly unless she liked stallions? It... it wouldn't make sense. She can't possibly feel anything like that."

Dash gazed at Twilight. "Twilight," she said. "You're calling Fluttershy 'she'."

The unicorn's head snapped up. "And why shouldn't I? The Fluttershy I know, the one I fell in love with, is a mare. Who cares if she used to be something else?!"

Applejack sadly shook her head. "Twilight, listen to yourself! If you're like Dash an' I, there's no way you could be happy with a colt. And Fluttershy IS a colt; ain't no way around it. You're better off without him." This sent Twilight into another storm of tears, and Dash was in the air at once.

"Twilight, we'll be right back, I promise," she said quickly. "Don't go anywhere. Applejack and I just need to have a little chat."

"We do?" Applejack said dubiously.

"We do. Now. Outside," Dash said, and fluttered out the door. Applejack, with an apologetic look at the unicorn, followed her. Twilight Sparkle collapsed to the floor, sadder than she had ever felt in her life.

* * * * *

Pinkie Pie bounced up the hill. She knew just where she would find her friend, and knew exactly what Fluttershy needed. It was, for a change, not a party, or even cupcakes.

As she crested the hill, she saw what she had known she'd see: a yellow pegasus pony, curled up in a heap, shaking with tears. Pinkie slowed to a trot, and, as she neared the other pony, cautiously called out.
"Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy raised her head. "Pinkie?" she murmured. "Go away, please." She curled up again.

Not to be deterred, the pink pony cuddled up to her friend.
"Fluuuuuuutershy?"

The pegasus sniffled. "Pinkie, please," she said. "I need to be alone. I need not to be around anypony at all."

Pinkie frowned, then brightened up. "I brought Angel Bunny!" she exclaimed.

At last, Fluttershy managed a wan smile. "Thank you, Pinkie," she said softly, reaching for the rabbit. "You're so... so kind, even to people who don't deserve it."

Pinkie Pie simply laughed at that. "Don't be so silly, Fluttershy, that's my job!" she said. "Anyway, nopony deserves to not have other ponies be nice to them. Nopony. Not even Nightmare Moon, not even Zecora, not even Discord. You of all mares should know that, Flutters, you’ve got the Element of Kindness!"

Fluttershy started to reply, then stopped. "Pinkie..." she asked slowly. "Did you -- did you just call me a mare? Did you forget what I told you all?"

"'Course I didn't!" retorted Pinkie, looking slightly hurt. "But you're a mare, aren'tcha? You think you're a mare." Fluttershy nodded. "You act like you’re a mare." The pegasus nodded again. "You call yourself a mare." Another nod. "Then you're a mare. What more do you need?"

Fluttershy's eyes filled with tears again. "Oh, Pinkie," she managed, "why can't everypony be like you?"

"An Equestria filled with ONLY PINKIE PIES," the pink filly said to herself. "This has possibilities..." She shook herself. That wasn't important, not right now. She stayed silent, simply wrapping her neck around Fluttershy's.

After a time, Fluttershy spoke again. "H-how are they taking it?" she whispered."Not sure," Pinkie admitted. "Rarity was a meaniepants about some things and I think she left. Applejack and Rainbow were... I don't know, there was something between them but it might have just been love currents, and Twilight Sparkle didn't say anything at all."

Fluttershy closed her eyes. "Oh, Celestia," she murmured. "There's no chance, is there. Even if I was right, even if she does like mares, there's no way she'd want something like me..."

Pinkie sprang to her hooves. "No!" she exclaimed. "Bad Fluttershy! You aren't a 'something', you're a beautiful mare and you deserve happiness and cupcakes and everything!" She paused. "WAIT! You like mares?"

Fluttershy simply facehoofed.

* * * * *

As soon as they were out of the door, Applejack rounded on Rainbow Dash.
"What's goin' on?" she demanded of her lover. "Why the hay are we out here and not inside comfortin' Twilight?"

Rainbow Dash glared at her. "Because what you're doing is just hurting her more!" She whinnied in frustration. "Every time you tell her to forget about Fluttershy, she gets even more unhappy!"

Applejack returned the glare. "Sugarcube, I'm just tryin' to be realistic here. I mean, can y'all imagine Twilight tryin' to make a life with a colt who says he's a mare? Maybe she could do it, maybe not, but either way it'd be an awful lonesome life. She deserves better."

"Is that so?" said Rainbow quietly. "Sounds a little familiar. Can you imagine Applejack taking up with some fillyfooler? Can you imagine them making a life together? Can you imagine that she could ever actually love her?"

Tears sprang to Applejack's eyes. "Rainbow..." she murmured. "Don't. Please."

Rainbow Dash crossed the distance between the two and twined her hoof through Applejack's mane. "I'm so sorry, Applejack," she said guiltily, "but I have to do this. If she wants to be with him, who are we to say they shouldn't? If they can make each other happy... that's the most important thing. It has to be."

Applejack blinked. "Dashie..." she replied, "are you sure of this? You're sure that they'll be happy?"

"I can't be sure of anything," Dash admitted, and leaned close. "But I know this," she whispered in Applejack's ear. "The way Twilight looks at Fluttershy reminds me of the way I look at you."

Applejack pulled just far enough away to bring her mouth to Rainbow Dash's. The two mares kissed for a long moment before Applejack reluctantly pulled away.

"If -- if you think so, Dashie," said Applejack, "that's all I need to hear."

Rainbow Dash kissed her again. Pulling away after only a few seconds, she said, "Then let's go tell Twilight that."

Necks entwined, they walked back into the library, separating only to get through the door. Rainbow stopped dead almost as soon as she entered.

"Uh... Twilight?" she said. She looked around, as if hoping that the unicorn was hiding behind a bookshelf. She took off, swooping into Twilight's bedroom, in case she was hiding in bed. Within seconds, she was back by Applejack's side. The orange mare gave her a questioning look. Rainbow Dash winced. "Uh-oh," she muttered.

* * * * *

Rarity had felt terrible ever since leaving the library. If she was honest with herself, truly honest, she had to admit that, while Fluttershy's unexpected stallion-ness made her somewhat uncomfortable, she would never want Fluttershy to leave them. She had asked what she asked because she felt that somepony needed to, not because she truly believed that Fluttershy warranted ostracism. Torn, she'd gone for a walk to try to clear her head.

She found Twilight Sparkle near the edge of the Everfree Forest. She was curled up under a tree, levitating rocks and twigs in front of her into an elaborate 'F', which she then smashed with a hoof and began it again. It wasn't until Rarity gave a delicate cough that she even noticed the white unicorn's presence. Twilight glared at her and went back to what she was doing.

Rarity felt a decided pressure to leave, and to let Twilight be alone, but she resisted it. She had to try to explain herself. "Twilight," she said softly, "please, can we talk?"

Twilight snorted. "About something other than whether we want to drive the mare I love out of our lives?"

Rarity dropped to her knees, her heart beating faster. This, she hadn't expected, and this meant that she had done a far worse thing than she had realized. "Twilight," she whispered, "I am so, so very sorry. I didn't know how you felt about hi-- about Fluttershy. What I said was inexcusable under any circumstances, and the only excuse that I can plead is being so taken aback by our friend's news." Her eyes drooped. "I just hope that one day you'll forgive me."

Twilight was truly unsure whether to spurn the proffered apology to spite Rarity or to do what she generally did -- assume the best and move on. After a moment of internal struggle, she settled on the latter. "I... I honestly can't say I forgive you, Rarity. But let's forget about that for now... I need to find Fluttershy."

Rarity nodded. "I think I know where she is," she offered. At Twilight's unspoken command she continued. "Er. He. Fluttershy has a spot that he really likes to go to when things are a bit overwhelming. A clearing at the top of a hill, not far from the Everfree Forest. Twilight?" she said timidly. "Shall I take you?"

Twilight Sparkle hesitated, then nodded. The two fillies set out, one still with a light in her eyes from her weeping and the other with a low-hung head and a more-than-slightly-guilty look. Fluttershy needed them; their friends needed them just as much.

* * * * *

Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie had been curled up side by side on the hill for about fifteen minutes -- not talking, not cuddling, simply gazing up at the clouds together -- when a familiar blue blur appeared over the trees. Dash soared over them in a burst of rainbow, then reversed direction, just long enough to confirm that they were there. Finally, she swooped back towards Ponyville, landing by Applejack.

"I found them," she said breathlessly. "Up on the hill, like I thought."

Applejack nodded. "I'll meet you there," she said. "Go see if ya can find Twilight, could ya, sugarcube?"

Rainbow Dash smiled. "Already on my way." She sprang into the air and raced into the clouds, already scanning for flashes of lavender. Before very long she had spotted Twilight Sparkle, already nearly to the hill. Accompanied by—

"Rarity!" Dash shouted, coming out of a dive just over the unicorns' heads. "What the hay are you doing here?!"

Rarity hung her head. "I'm sorry, Dash," she said quietly. "I behaved horribly, and I only hope that I can make it up to Twilight and Fluttershy."

Dash frowned and opened her mouth to retort, but at that moment they crested the hill. She took off again, searching all around for that glimpse of orange—

There.

She swooped down into the valley, hovering feet in front of Applejack. "Heard you might need a lift," she teased.

Applejack grinned. "I reckon I might," she replied as Rainbow Dash gently picked her up and flew her to the top of the hill, where Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy already stood.

The six gazed at each other. Rarity broke the silence.

"Fluttershy," she said, with feeling in her voice, "I am so, so sorry for the way I've been reacting to this. I was, of course, surprised, but my immediate reaction was far out of line. This would have been more appropriate." And with those words, she walked over to Fluttershy, offering a hug. "We all love you, Fluttershy, colt or filly."

Fluttershy hesitated, then returned the hug. It was difficult for the bearer of the Element of Kindness to refuse a hoof sincerely extended in friendship.

"And we support you in everything," Twilight said in an oddly choking voice, "who you are, what you are, who you choose to love--" She broke off there.

"You may be a colt," Dash added, "but you're OUR colt." Applejack simply nodded.

"NO!"

The shout had come from Pinkie Pie, who had until now been silent. "Don't you see, she isn't a colt! Maybe she was once, but she's our Fluttershy, and she's a mare every bit as much as you or I!" Twilight nodded, not trusting herself to speak. "Who cares what someone 'officially' was, anyway?" Pinkie resumed. "It'd be really mean of me to say that because Fluttershy used to be a colt, she doesn't get to say who she is. We can all do that, right?"

Applejack and Rarity glanced back and forth, uncertain. Rainbow Dash, who had been struggling with this question all along, fluttered over to Pinkie's side. "Fluttershy?" she said. "I was wrong. It's not right for me to tell you who you are. You are who you are, and all I'll say is that we'll be there for you. Forever."

The other pegasus' eyes brimmed with tears once again. "Oh, Rainbow..." she murmured. Applejack crossed the hill, standing beside the pony with whom she shared her life. "I reckon that Rainbow's got it right," she said. "Ain't my business who y'all think you are. You say you're a mare... I guess that's good enough for me."

Rarity had been left standing alone. "And me," she said, crying as well now. "You're my dear friend, Fluttershy, and I would hate to lose that just because I was so callous."

Fluttershy glanced at the one pony who had not yet spoken. "Twilight?" she mumbled.

Twilight gazed back at her. "Fluttershy..." she whispered. “I, I know you don't like mares and I don't want to ruin this moment or our friendship, but I have to tell you, Fluttershy, I love you!"

Fluttershy took to the air and soared to Twilight. "You... you do? And you thought I didn't--" She laughed, an odd sound in the still-tense atmosphere. "Twilight Sparkle, I love you too. I thought by telling you what I was that I'd lost you forever."

The other ponies forgotten, Twilight stared into the eyes of the mare she loved. The two edged a little closer, closer still, and then they were kissing, and Twilight thought that she'd never felt anything more wonderful than Fluttershy's lips. She broke away from the pegasus for a second and whispered in her ear, "And for whatever it's worth, as far as I'm concerned you're a mare through and through." Fluttershy kissed her again, and they were lost in each other.

Rarity allowed herself a little smile of contentment at seeing her friends so happy. Rainbow Dash and Applejack curled their necks round each other, delighted to see the other couple. And Pinkie Pie bounced around the tree, satisfied that Twilight would do right by her friend. Anypony could see that Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy were made for each other.

* * * * *

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that friendship comes in a great many forms. In willingness to forgive your friends even if they've wronged you, in being able to listen to and believe your friends, even if what they say seems incredible. Trusting another pony enough to share your life with them. Trusting your friends so deeply that you'll share your greatest secret with them. I am so thankful to have my friends, Princess, and they're what keep me going.

Oh, and one other thing. I've found a new variety of friendship: the kind that exists between two mares that lets them see each other for who they truly are, accept them for what they are, and find ways to make each other happy.

You know: love.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle