The Tale of a Human's Sanity

Do you remember, when we conversed upon the sandy hill, looking up at the clear sky, retelling our day, and how I saved your ass? You, praising me for it, dragging your half-dead carcass across half a mile? You called me a hero for it.

But I’m no hero, no matter what you tell me. I’ve saved many a life before…

And I’ve ended even more…

“The distance between… insanity and genius… is measured only… by… success. That is, true… Crazy, but it’s true… And if anyone says otherwise… Boom. I shot them.”

I woke up to leaves rustling in the wind, the breeze flowing through the air at a cool rate, in such a dark and despair place, of all things. Funny that. Another thing to note is that the weather here is random, just like Earth. And yet, that insane village seemed to always be clear, for whatever reason. Magic…

I sat-up, looking at the surroundings that I’m in, once more. Looking almost exactly like the first time I woke up here. Nothing out of the ordinary…

Except for FUCKING EVERYTHING! Ponies are capturing me for no reason! The dreams are random and fucking weird! Magic makes no fucking sense! NOTHING IN THIS WORLD DOES!

Why do they want to kill me? I’ve done nothing wrong! I haven’t. I haven’t. What have I done then? Prove it. You can’t, you bastard. See? You’re just crazy, like each and every one of them. CRAZY!

Okay calm down… Theodore. Calm down. Don’t go into a rant-

You know? Fuck it. I’m getting fed up with this persona of me being a ‘monster’!

Firstly, what was Luna trying to do with me? What did she want to see? Did she get what she wanted? How much do you want to bet that she did? And why was she even there? What was her motive? Playing guard from my escape? A Princess? Why would royalty become guards? And when, actually? If so, that village if fucking stupid! Why would they get a Princess, a co-ruler of this land, no-less, to be a guard for me? Do they not have an army? What kind of nation doesn’t have an army? That’s stupid. She must have been… stupid? She didn’t seem hostile. But the militia she made is. That was her plan, to distract me long enough to torture me, beat me, bruise me, spit at me…

And, not just her, but the others… Rainbow Dash… I don’t hate her. That’s true. I honestly don’t… I DESPISE her. She… Is just nasty, cruel, unforgiving, and… Inhumane. Yeah, Inhumane. And not because she is some flying pony (how does that work?), but she acts so egoistical, arrogant, and just straight up NASTY. She glares at me and spits on me without a second thought. Won’t ever let me explain. Thinks that any ‘Alien’, or any being that they are unfamiliar with, are evil monsters that don’t have any conscious. I’m no villain. That can’t justify as a VILLAIN! You think that is evil, you fucking HYPOCRITE!

Unngh…

...

What kind of world is this?

…will anyone answer that question- What kind of world is this?

I sighed in defeat. There’s no freedom for me, and…

I can’t ever be in peace and live in harmony with at LEAST one other sentient being.

Not even one… Is there anyone…?

Not one…

Anyone…?

They all want me dead. They all do…

They all do. Why?

Why do they all want me dead? Why do they see me as this ‘monster’? Every pony their sees me as one…

…except for Lyra… and Spike… they were actually, ‘nice’ to me. Didn’t treat me like any monster, or at least not violently and unfairly. The only pony and dragon (there is only one that I’ve seen) that don’t see me with hostility.

I sighed. This is my life, now. To… survive in a forest where it can become deadly, whenever it wants to be. Sighing again, I need to get my mind of this. Move forward, Theo. And don’t look back. Forget about it. Hopefully, it will all be in the past. They can’t haunt you if they can’t find you. Someone said that there is always a way out, whenever you are stuck. I’m not sure if that philosophy is true, but I wouldn’t give up, if my life depended on it. It probably will. And if they even find me… I’ll be ready. I think they want a war. War… Just like in my dreams, that war. Sighs…

I got up from my place, shook myself to get all the dirt and grass off of me, and walked down the new path. Move on. Ignore the past for now, clear your head. Yelling out and continuing your rant won’t help you. There isn’t anyone to answer your questions. You will get past this. Don’t become as insane as they are.

“You will get your revenge…”

What the hell is this? Is this ruins from some… ancient castle? It doesn’t look that ancient, actually. Just old and broken down. The colours of the walls are still there, most being worn down to the bricks that construct the building, covered in moss, flora growing from inside the building. It looked like a part of the building had recently been blown, a gaping hole is shown at the right side, moss dangling from the top of the exposed area. Now that I take a second glance at the castle, it looks to be hundreds, if not thousands, of years old. And it is now not in use. Why? Also, why did they put a castle in the middle of this forest? Ugh… This world makes no sense.

And… wait. Is that… Is that a gun? Why is there a gun here? How did the gun even get here? Why do I even ask these questions? No one ever answers them. I walked up to it, observing it. It looks like it’s got some sort of slobber on it. And earth’s natural resources. A handgun at first glance. I picked it off, flicking off the slobber of what I presume a Timberwolf brought it here. Wonder why? The pistol looks like it is semi-automatic. I opened up the magazine, and saw that it hold about ten to fifteen shots, and it’s fully loaded. Wow. Where did this handgun come from? I didn’t bring this with me. Did I? Or did he have it, and somehow lost it? Another mystery. Ugh…

I better use this wisely. Don’t want to waste shots, and that means practicing. There aren’t any other magazines around, so I guess this is my main resort to combat. Or attempting to knife something that comes my way. If I had a knife… Shake it off, man. You’re not getting anywhere. Search this castle… seems unhabituated for years. I only notice it now that the entire roof and ceiling had been blown off the place. And the fact that this is in an open area, surrounded by a grass plane and bushes, with the trees looking like them were 100 metres away, with a giant fuck-off pit to the side. There was a mountain landscape in the background, looking… curved.

Firstly, I walk through the front entrance, where the ceiling was non-existent. There was this… thing in the middle, some big platform that looked like it used to hold something. A circle stone was holding the platform at the bottom, which had a repeating design that went all around it, a grey pyramid on top of that, which then had another circle platform, containing moss and vines that drooped over the side of the small structure. Then the top bit had a cylinder shape that was stone, with this big orb on top of it, which had no light emerging from it. There also were six small platforms sticking out from the side of the top platform, looking like it used to hold something…

Okay, why? Why is there a structure like this? Does it have to do something with magic? I presume there use to be six… orbs on those six platforms. Probably…

The pillars around this room, which sort of looks like it is a throne room, were broken and had vines draping around it, at different lengths as well. The windows of this room were either destroyed entirely, or just intact, where there were three bars in the middle of each one, being about 4 metres across and 7 metres high. This ‘throne’ room was oval-shaped.

Did this use to be some sort of castle for Equestria? And they just abandoned it for… being in this dangerous forest? How did this forest even become this dangerous, if there is a castle in the middle of one? These fucking ponies… And walking over that sturdy bridge, over the gigantic pit, didn’t help matters over why there is a castle here.

I walk into a corridor, which looked old, worn down, and destroyed. There still is a big hole in the ceiling corridor. What could have happened here? This entire castle looks like it was made out of the same stone or brick, considering their all some sort of grey. Pastel colours… There are several banners that are ripped up and burnt, that a few are still standing, being hung up on the wall. There are several holes in the ground, including a used pressure plate in front of me and another giant pit. Is this a trap or something? Looks pretty deep.

I walk into another room… where there was a giant organ piano in the middle of it, which had small stairs leading up to it, with two statues of pegasi on both sides, holding a stand which had five unlit candles on top of it. There were still drapes dangling down from behind the organ piano on the wall, both being held on the top corridors on the next floor. There were four different walkways that break off from this main room. I assume that this was some sort of theatre room. There are few seats that still stand, but mainly look like they were burnt to a crisp. I guess exploration on this ‘castle’ is the way to go…

This place is really old. Or just worn down a lot. And/or both. You can tell because most of the underground stuff is either covered in dust and cobwebs, or flown away by the sands of time. Because other than the armoured statues of unicorns and pegasi that I occasionally notice, there wasn’t much here. There wasn’t any weapons to find, other than spears, and they can’t help me survive much, knowing some of the fauna that live in these parts.

Upstairs, there are several bedrooms, which look like they used to house the princesses. There were several drapes of the two, or at least I presume that it’s them, around the area, with them mainly being in the giant royal-looking ones. All worn down, or destroyed over time. Abandoned…

Kinda like me.

While the place seems inhabitable at the moment, it seems like I could build up some of the places here. The beds still seem functional, the ceiling doesn’t look like it will collapse on top of me (at least I hope it doesn’t), and the windows still can open and close, though some still have holes in them. And this is… Celestia’s bedroom?

I’ve never met the second princess. She seems older than her younger… sister. Is she the same as them? The ponies who wanted my head? Did she order this arrest? Did she order… a bounty on me? A manhunt?

The questions are really piling up now. And probably won’t ever get answered while I’m still breathing on this earth. On this earth…

I sighed while looking outside the window, at the landscape before me. It’s some sight. I see the mossy trees of the darkness, in the deadly forest. The clouds being blown over from the wind, going… east. I can see the largest mountain from here. The tip having some snow on top of it, but it is really steep. And… is that a city on the cliffside there? Well, magic Theo, gotta take that into consideration around these parts… And while I notice all of this, there is always, ALWAYS, one thing that is bugging me to hell, and probably won’t ever stop.

And that’s Loneliness.

The closest thing I have to a friend. We’ve known each other for some time know. What is it, seventeen, eighteen years? I can’t remember. How long is not important. IT’s just the fact that Loneliness has always been there for me. Through thick and thin. Bugging me. Prodding me. Reminding myself over how lonely I am. That I’ve never had a ‘true’ friend. That it will always be there for me… Loneliness. Reminding me over how no one ever wanted to be my friend, over why my family never wanted to acknowledge me, over and over again, reminding me that I should question… the nature of my existence.

Not like, ‘What is the meaning of life’? But, I don’ see any reason for me to even live. No person like me. No family member likes me. No pony likes me. No royalty likes me. No animals like me. No sentient beings like me… Why do I still stand today? I don’t have any dreams that are still possible. So why do I keep surviving? Why don’t I commit suicide to be rid of all these thoughts, and the pain and the misery? Not because of human instincts…

But because of hope. It’s the only other things that I have. I can hope one day… just only one day that I want this wish to be true, that I’m on a grassy plane. Just lying on the ground. Just me. Looking up at the clear blue sky, listening to the chirping of the birds, hearing the breeze of the morning wind soar through the air calmly, embracing the surroundings of me, the flora of the colourful roses and dandelions, the fauna of the squirrels that occasionally make a sound, while also moving through the grass, that makes a soothing sound.

Freedom. We were free. I was free.

No danger. No chaos. No uncertainty. Just me smiling, enjoying this moment, and only this moment. Enjoying my existence, being... happy. That’s what I want, happiness. Enjoying the soothing sounds of the birds, as they chirp in the background, while also faintly hearing the wind breeze through the air. I felt really calm. I felt really peaceful.

At peace. I didn’t need to survive in the unforgiving wild. I didn’t need to fight unforseen enemies. I didn’t need to be looked down upon by others who consider themselves better than the rest. I just need myself, in this very moment, to feel safe. And it doesn’t matter if Loneliness invites itself into this world, I can still… feel… happy.

At peace. I just hope that this is all real, that this can become a reality. Me, lying down on the grass, being happy, safe, calm, satisfied, peaceful… And that it can’t ever be ruined by anyone ever again. That it’s all real.

But then there’s the truth. You’re alone in this world. Alone. No one in this world to love you, to make you feel happy. Those thoughts that won’t ever become real. They won’t ever become a reality. You won’t ever be loved, won’t ever feel fully safe, won’t ever feel satisfied, won’t ever feel

They say that if you try hard enough and succeed, you can become whatever you want, and get whatever you want. That’s not reality. At least, not mine in any shape or form. And that’s why I should ignore those thoughts. Push them out of your mind. Move on…

Survive.

One of the things that you need to learn on how to survive. That’s finding and using a water source. Or simply finding water. This is somewhat hard without the right materials, but still possible nonetheless. I think… There are ways to find water in certain predicaments. For instance, finding water in the desert. Find a dune, and dig at the bottom of it, and there should be water underground. That’s how science works over millions of years during where the areas where deserts now-stand today on earth, used to be oceans. That’s change over the long periods of time. It’s that the same here? It could be, but it doesn’t matter. This isn’t an isolated desert. This is… an isolated forest that is potentially deadly. Great…

I think I can still remember some parts of a survival book I read some time ago, about how to gain water in the wild…

Facts about Survival/Water Sources (September 2001)

Streams/Rivers:

Any stream or river with running water will be a good source, but keep in mind that just because it looks clean doesn’t mean that it is. You will need to boil the water to kill any bacteria before drinking it. If you have a tin/aluminium can, this will be an effective container to boil water over a fire.

Lakes:

If you come across a lake, this is a great resource for water. You should boil this water also in order to avoid becoming sick from bacteria.

Rain Water:

If it rains, be sure to set out any containers you have to catch falling water. Any large leaves can provide an effective surface for catching rain and funnelling it into a container.

Solar Water Still:

If there's no rainfall or fresh water available and you have a sheet of plastic available, then you can make a solar water still.

How to Create a Solar Water Still:

Step 1: Dig a hole in the soil.

Step 2: Place a container in the centre of the hole.

Step 3: Fill the gaps surrounding the container with anything wet, such as leaves.

Step 4: Place a plastic sheet over the hole and anchor the sheet in place with larger rocks around the edges of the hole.

Step 5: Place one small rock in the centre of the plastic, just over the container.

Step 6: Condensation will occur on the underside of the plastic and run down to the centre. It will drip into the container filling it with distilled drinking water.

It took a while to find the resources needed for making the water still, that being the lake from before which contained the rocky crocodiles. Thankfully, there weren’t any there when I came back, which took me about an hour to find. Damn it was a long time ago. At least it felt like it. There wasn’t any soil around or near the castle as well, so I stuff some in my pockets, in my damaged pants. Now that I I’m discussing it, my clothes are still wearable. They are far from clean, and is slightly uncomfortable to sleep in. There are a few tears in this once long sleeved grey shirt, and in the once clean long pants that are cargo. Several blood stains covered my clothing, making some parts of my skin, where there re bruises and maybe cuts are visible to the world. The regular short haircut (crew cut was it called?), now is messy and has got dirt in it, maybe. The point is, it’s far from clean.

There was pain there. There always was. This time, physical. A big, but not often, one which seems to arise on occasion. It’s not the worst I’ve felt, and it ain’t well, but not close to critical. There could be scars on my skin for all I know, haven’t checked. I don’t often focus on the things that I physically fell that occurs, pain for instance. I’ve learnt to ignore it over the years… of suffering… torment-

I- Ignore that! Forget it! Nothing good will come of it! NOTHING! Just… don’t remind yourself. Nothing good will come of it!

…never does…

It could be around three o’clock in the afternoon at the moment. Probably later. The sun light of the place seems all too familiar to me… The base of operations that I’m setting up outside the castle is going well at the moment. I tore down several pieces of silk and cloth from around the place, the drapes that had alicorns and ponies on them and window curtains, and either made those as blankets for a bed that was in one of the, I presume royal bedrooms, which the blankets were covered in dust, were disposed of as being placed somewhere randomly. It could be useful in the future.

The drapes were used as covering the broken and exposed windows, unless there will be thunder tonight (which could be possible as it is now overcast in most places) which will render that all useless if it strikes the windows by SOME luck. I found containers of pots and pans which still looked durable, but were a little rusty, but usable nonetheless.

I’ve set them out around random places in the field, which all looked pretty if anything, and yet there was no moss within a hundred meters of the castle area, until you get to the bridge and pit part. Interesting…

I also created a Solar Water Still with a plastic sheet I found in a medicine cabinet (don’t know why) in one of the bathrooms (along with medicine that I know nothing about, and bandages and scissors), and several small rocks that were lying around. Took me about twenty minutes to do. I also attached a drinking tube which I found about the place, which looked clean, along with vegetation (leaves) around the pot. Survival…

It was TIRING after all of the exploration. Then it came to doing the damn thing. What I now think of is that I’m not hungry in the slightest. But I know that won’t last forever. Timberwolves have no meat in them, they don’t look like they do, and if many, if not all mythical creatures do exist in this world, then I hope I could find a Manticore or something.

I observed that no animals ever hang around the castle area, no deadly-looking plants exist as well. I guess that’s a good thing… Hopefully it is.

I cannot believe that I have to go through with this, but this is some new reality that I’m in. But not for the best…

Interesting predicament he is in, now. He doesn’t realise it, but he is now wanted. Why? I’m not going to spoil it. That would take the fun out of it! He is in a ‘New Reality’, or whatever he said. Not important. His skills will be put to the test. Let’s call them… exercises… Yes, exercises. How will he deal with the scenarios that he will come across?

And… why is he even ‘Wanted’? What does that word mean, ‘wanted’? It could only mean one thing, or many. You decide what it means… it’s not my choice to judge your weak mind. You wouldn’t know the half of it.

And there is nothing very chaotic yet, which is a shame. I thought he would go insane. Hopefully, things will speed up, and that it will be likeable, enjoyed even. In time, it will occur. In time…

Is he even wanted...?

**Facts about Guns-Weapons Handguns* - (19th June 2001, Undisclosed)*

SIG Sauer P226 is a full-sized, service-type pistol made by SIG Sauer. It is chambered for the 9×19mm Parabellum, .40 S&W, .357 SIG, and .22 Long Rifle. It is essentially the same basic design of the SIG P220, but developed to use higher capacity, staggered-column magazines in place of the single-column magazines of the P220. The P226 itself has spawned further sub-variants; the P228 and P229 are both compact versions of the staggered-column P226 design. The SIG Sauer P226 and its variants are in service with numerous law enforcement and military organizations worldwide, including the United States army. The United States of America force.