Big Mac Likes a Table

by Rubbaduckwolf

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1100

Big Mac falls in love with a table.

Cheerilee won't be very happy. For some reason, Big Mac has fallen head-over-hooves for (drumroll, please)… A table. Yeah, like the kind you eat dinner from. The wooden kind.

Note: I am in no way affiliated with IKEA. I just needed a furniture store for my story. Also, I felt like writing a totally random fanfic about Big Mac and a table. It was suggested by a friend.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-01 02:40:01 UTC

Table Love

Big Mac and the rest of his family had just arrived at IKEA. They stared around in wonder at this beautiful, spotless store full of cheap furniture. Places like this just weren't found in Ponyville, much less Appleloosa and the San Palomino Desert. Granny Smith marveled at the soft couches, Apple Bloom gazed at herself in the polished mirrors, and Applejack glared suspiciously at the boxes of apple juice in the grocery section.

However, Big Mac wasn't very impressed. The aisles were too clean for his own tastes, and the food wasn't fresh enough. After all, it was some big-city furniture store. Just like his relatives in Manehattan, it seemed snooty and uptight, looking down at the ragtag family of country ponies who had just walked in. There was an air of disdain from the other customers, too.

Just then, Applejack whooped, "Mac, watcha think about this table? It'd look darn nice in our living room!"

He trotted over for a look. He was not expected for what came next. It was a regular wooden table coated with white paint. The legs were tapered, but sturdy. The table was just big enough to carry even the largest dinner, but could still fit into a crowded apartment. Pretty much, it was perfect. Big Mac was completely in love with the table. He ogled at the sight of the beautiful white table, imagining fancy dinners, tropical dates, and a starlit romantic evening...

Applejack was waving a hoof in front of her older brother's face. "Um... Big Mac?"

Snapping out of his daze, he nodded with satisfaction and said, "Eeyup!"

Hearing the commotion, Granny Smith pulled out her bag of bits and her face fell. "Sorry, young 'uns, but we don't have enough money. Maybe we can sell some more apple products and earn some more."

Apple Bloom skipped to the exit. "Then come on, what are we waiting for?"

With one last, sorrowful look at the table, Big McIntosh followed his sister out the door. On the ride home to Sweet Apple Acres, he concocted a plan. He would earn all the bits to buy his table, no matter what it took. Whether it be sign-dancing, telemarketing, or just selling apples, he would do it for his love.

The Friendship Express puffed into Ponyville and creaked to a stop. As Big Mac stepped out, he saw a sign:

NOW HIRING

WAITERS AT SUGARCUBE CORNER

APPLY TO MR. AND MRS. CAKE

30 BITS PER HOUR

Thirty bits per hour! That was more than the whole Apple family usually made in a day! Without so much as a word to his confused sisters and grandmother, Big Mac galloped off to Sugarcube Corner. He applied, got background checked, interviewed with Mr. Cake, and set up his hours. With a hearty "Eeyup!" he sealed the deal and went off to get some sleep before his first day of work. Applejack just shook her head at the sight of a snoring Big Mac. He could be ridiculous sometimes.

When the rooster crowed the next morning, Big Mac sprang up, combed his mane as much as possible, and wisely chose to leave his plow harness at home. Careful not to wake up his groggy family, he tiptoed out the door and headed to Sugarcube Corner. Once there, he checked in to the register and donned a frilly pink apron. Then, he greeted the Cakes and flipped the sign on the door from CLOSED to OPEN. Almost immediately, Neon Lights came in. With a yawn, he said, "Hey, Mac-Dawg, you're up pretty early."

With a business-like manner, he replied, "Eeyup," and handed Neon a menu of the daily specials.

After considering his choices, he said, "I'll take a large cup of joe and a plain bagel to go with it."

"Eeyup," said Big Mac, scribbling down the order, clearing away the menu, and heading into the back room. He gave the order to Mrs. Cake, who busied herself with preparing the coffee and warming a bagel. Once the food was done, Big McIntosh grabbed a serving tray and loaded the items on. Then, with a flourish, he presented them to Neon Lights.

"Thanks, bro," said Neon, stuffing his face already. With a bit of surprise, Big Man noted that Lyra and Bon Bon had come in, too. He hurried over to give them menus. The rest of the day continued in the same rushed manner.

"I think I'll have a peppermint patty with some OJ." "The croissant looks good today." "I'll have my regular, thank you very much." Order after order after order came at Big Mac. He couldn't take it. Then, he thought about the table. He continued.

Once he reached his payday and collected his total of 390 bits, Big Mac quit his job at Sugarcube Corner. The pressure was just a little too much for a quiet farm stallion. He worked some odd jobs after that, such as mowing lawns at the Canterlot Botanical Gardens, clearing paparazzi and journalists away from Octavia and her orchestra, and occasionally popping back into Sweet Apple Acres to sell (what else?) apples. When he had some free time on his hooves, Big Mac would sneak away to IKEA to gaze longingly at the table of his dreams.

At the end of the long, tiring month, the grand total was 582 bits. Big Mac was confident that it was enough to buy his one and only table. He gathered the Apple family around and took them to IKEA. With high hopes, he reached the aisle and found... a different table. That one was squat, ugly, and freakishly round. His lovely table was gone. A crushing feeling falling on top of him, Big Mac crumpled to the floor of the showroom and almost started sobbing.

"Big Mac, you're looking in the wrong aisle!" called Applejack. "It's over here!"

Hope now fluttering once again in that big heart of his, Big Mac pranced over like a little filly and kissed the table. The price tag read: 500 bits. Ignoring the strange stares from other customers, he danced around and bought the table with his hard-earned bits. At home, he stared lovingly at the table, while his sisters tried to ignore him. Then, there was a knock on the door.

Granny Smith opened it, and Twilight Sparkle was standing there. "Hello, there, Granny Smith. I have received notice that there is an unprecedented love spell upon the table in your living room."

Apple Bloom pointed at the lovestruck Big Mac and said, "Well, that explains a lot."

THE END AND STUFF!