That's The Night The Lights Went Out In Canterlot

Reggie was humming one of his favorite Country tunes, That’s The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia, while he took his shower, singing the lyrics within his head. But as he toweled himself off he mischievously got to thinking. There’s enough of the lyrics that he could change and make it fit for this place. It only took him a minute or so to come up with the perfect parody to the refrain while he got dressed, but it was another hour or so before he had the entire song reworked in his head.

Just for shits and giggles, he finally started to sing, just to feel how the new song worked on the tongue:

“He was on his way home from Canterlot

Been two weeks gone and thought he’d stop

At Billy’s to have a drink ‘fore he went home to her.

Reggie said, ‘Hello’

And he said, ‘What’s doin’, Regge?’

‘Red, sit down, I’ve got some bad news, and it’s gonna hurt’

He said ‘I'm your best friend and you know that's right

‘But your young mare ain't home tonight

‘Since you been gone she's been seein' that pegasus stud Jed.’

Well, he got mad 'n' he saw red and Reggie said ‘Boy, don'tcha lose your head

'cause to tell ya the truth, I been with her myself.’

“That’s the night the lights went out in Canterlot

That’s the night they skewered an innocent man

Don’t trust your soul to no Cloudsdale pegasus fliers

‘Cause the Princesses all have bloodstains on their horns.

“Well, Reggie got scared and left the bar

Flyin' on home 'cause he didn't live far

See, Reggie didn't have many friends and he'd just lost him one

My brother thought his mare musta left town

So he went on home and finally found

The only thing our Papa had left him was a gun.

“And he went off to Reggie’s house

A'slippin' through the backwoods quiet as a mouse

Came upon some feathers too small for Reggie to leave

He looked through the screen at the back-porch door

And he saw Reggie lyin' on the floor

In a puddle of blood and he started to flee.

“Well, the Luna Patrol was a'makin' their rounds

So he fired a shot just to flag 'em down

And a batwing guard grabbed the gun and said ‘why'dya do it?’

And Princess Luna said ‘Guilty’ in a make-believe trial

And slapped her guard on the back with a smile

Said ‘Supper's waitin' at home and I gotta get to it’

“That’s the night the lights went out in Canterlot

That’s the night they skewered an innocent man

Don’t trust your soul to no Cloudsdale pegasus fliers

‘Cause the Princesses all have bloodstains on their horns.

“Well they stoned my brother before I could say

The feathers he saw while on his way

To Reggie’s house and back that night were mine

And his cheatin’ mare ain’t never left town

That’s one pony that’ll never be found

See, little sister don’t miss when she aims her horn.

“That’s the night the lights went out in Canterlot

That’s the night they skewered an innocent man

Don’t trust your soul to no Cloudsdale pegasus fliers

‘Cause the Princesses all have bloodstains on their horns.”

“Yeah! That sounds about right!” Reggie said to himself, laughing.

“HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF SOMETHING SO HATEFUL AS THAT!?” Fluttershy suddenly screamed, making Reggie jump and scream in surprise.

“Wha—? Who—?” he gasped, but all he heard was the sound of retreating hooves running over the floor.

“Where the hell did she come from?” was the only thing he could think to say when his heart slowed down enough to breathe and think again.

Reggie finished singing the original version of the song to princesses so that they could understand the context.

“Honestly, I didn’t mean anything disrespectful about it,” he explained when he was finished. “It’s an old country song, decades old and just happened to be a favorite of mine. Well, while I was taking a shower, this current situation I’ve found myself, the rewording of the refrain just spontaneously came to me. It sounded so good, I just had to make a stab at the rest of the song. It was just a parody, like how Weird Al Yankovic did. A joke. Nothing to be taken seriously. And I certainly didn’t expect anyone else to hear it.” Even here, he thought, royalty can be such royal snots when it comes to their image. I gotta be careful not to lose my head over stupid shit!

There was a long period where neither of the princesses said anything, and the only sound was some shuffling of some papers.

“Looking over the two versions, we believe thy meant nopony to hear this altered version,” Luna finally stated. “While thy alterations were certainly not flattering, and thyself were darkly a butt of this, you call a joke, as the Reggie in the song was murdered, we must commend thee on thy cleverness demonstrated by integrating parts of Equestrian society into the new song.”

"However, I must insist you refrain from ever singing this, or any song, that might impugn Luna's honesty and integrity," Celestia sternly said. "My sister has suffered greatly from whispers and rumors spread against her after her return from exile. I will not have her burden needlessly added to."

"Of course, I understand and again offer my sincerest apologies," Reggie said.

With the princesses evidently satisfied with the results, Reggie's escorts began to direct him to leave the throne room.

"Wait!" Luna suddenly called out.

"One last question," she said, when Reggie was turned back around.

"Sure, anything," he said, puzzled as to what was wrong now.

"The wording of these songs, it seems to be from the vantage of a female character," Luna said.

"Yes, that's correct," Reggie replied. "The original song was from the viewpoint of the sister of the man wrongly executed. The people mentioned killed were his friend and the missing wife. I pretty much kept that same idea with the parody."

"But this mentions feathers found on the trail were too small for 'Reggie' to leave, yet it mentions 'Little Sister' doesn't miss with her horn!"

"Yes, that's right," Reggie said, grinning.

"Then the murderer was, herself, an alicorn!" Luna triumphantly crowed.

"Ouch!" Celestia exclaimed. "Then this song names Twilight Sparkle as the real killer, Shining Armor as the wrongly executed, and Cadence as the cheating wife!"

"Who?" Reggie asked, suddenly befuddled.

"There are only four alicorns in Equestria," Luna explained. "My sister and myself, our niece, and her sister-in-law."

"I know of Twilight Sparkle, but I've no idea of her brother or this Cadence," Reggie protested. "Honestly, if I accidentally offended anyone with it, I most deeply and humbly apologize."

"But thou hast intended to hide the fact of the nature of the killer was an alicorn, didst thou not?" Luna demanded.

"Well, I had some problems with how to resolve the parody and still keep the same pace as the original," Reggie explained. "Changing it to feathers in place of foot tracks, and using her horn instead of a gun to kill 'Reggie' was the only way to fix it."

There was silence for several moments, and Reggie was seriously sweating about how much trouble he was really in for.

"Then our assessment for thy cleverness is double!" Luna suddenly said, laughing. "Please, you must give a performance when we canst arrange for Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor and Cadence to hear thee."

"Wait! I thought you just ordered me not to sing it again," Reggie protested, utterly confused.

"Well, please no public signing," Celestia finally said. "But this will be for a private performance. We're curious as to whether any of them will be able to figure out the riddles you unwittingly put into your song."

Why am I suddenly getting the feeling this won't end well? Reggie thought.