Half Life 2: Lamarr's Journey

by Bravo 539

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Comedy, Adventure, Random
Length: 789

Lamarr jumped into an active matter transmitter. Moving in there is a big no-no...

You know her, you love her…
It's Lamarr from Half Life 2, and you get to hear her first-person account of an all-new journey in Equestria!

The release date is completely unknown; however, you may subscribe to be notified when it's finished. This story will be published when it is altogether complete.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-15 21:57:25 UTC

Lamarr's Journey: Trailer

Darkness.  Humidity.  Simply wonderful...  I should have come in here sooner.

Muffled voices began to penetrate the silence from the lit crack under the door to my new hideout.

Gah, they're talking out there again.  I wish those creatures could just shut up for at least one day.

"...What?  Oh, you're right.  Barney, I'll give you the honor."

"I gotta get back on my shift, but okay."

The door suddenly slid up into the ceiling, flooding my room with an invasive, bright light.  I slowly shook myself out of my drowsiness, rising to see who had interrupted my slumber.

"There we go!"

The object I was on suddenly hissed and vibrated, compelling me to retaliate a little sooner than I had hoped.  I leapt to the creature's head, trying once again, just like so many times in the past, to burrow into his skull.

"[Dang] it!  Get it off me!"

The creature began clawing at me, and due to my poor footing and unplanned attack, it succeeded in throwing me into a wall.

Ow!  Why, that big, mean...

"Lamarr!"

WHAT NOW?!!

"I thought you got rid of that pest!"

We're not talking to you!

I jumped up onto a locker, somewhat safer from my attacker.

"Certainly not!  Never fear, Gordon... she's debeaked and completely harmless.  The most she might do is attempt to couple with your head... fruitlessly."

I looked around at the group of unattractive beings in front of me.  All prey... but for some reason I couldn't consume any of them!  Almost every instinct I had was pounded out of me by failure after failure in my past endeavors to obtain a host.

"Get that thing away from me!" the angry one shouted.

You wanna start somethin'?!! I lunged at him, and much to my satisfaction, he flinched back a little.

"Here, my pet," said the old one.  "Hop up," it said, taunting my failure by patting its head.

Why, you evil, twisted...  Go to Xen!

Gaining a few sounds of protest from the old one, I began making my way toward a rectangular opening overhead.  I knocked aside a few inferior objects as I scrambled for purchase on the slippery boxes on my way there, and they shattered as they fell to the floor.

"Careful, Lamarr... those are quite fragile!" he cried, as though it were somehow hurting him as one of the boxes fell on the ground and broke apart.

Why would you ever want something as useless as that?  You can't eat that rock!  ...It's not even a rock!  What the heck is it?  Oh!  Maybe he's using them as hiding places for his food!  I'll pay those a visit later...

I made one final leap, and though the entrance was slippery, I managed to grapple a corner in the hole and pull myself in.  It was dark and cool within, and their voices began to fade as I crawled further inside.

A perfect escape.  I'm getting pretty good at this...  Oh, maybe I can find some food in here!

I began to hunt in the darkness.

Nothing.  Nothing at all...  I picked up the scent of a rat, but it was two days old.  I was about to fall asleep again, but the tunnel started shaking.

Why is everything shaking so much?  Does anything happen naturally anymore?!!

I scrambled for an exit to the tunnel in a panic, not even sure what I would do even after I got out.  In my haste, I stumbled down a sudden drop.  The floor was only a half meter below me, but that, too, suddenly gave way, falling out from under me.  I desperately clawed at the wall, almost getting a grip, but I slipped and fell down another half meter, landing on my rump.

"Now what is it?"

"It's your pet the freakin' head humper!"

You guys are terrible neighbors, you know that?

I looked around to find myself out of the tunnel... but things were still shaking, and there was a bright light off to my right.  Wait... no, not just any bright light.  I could see the bolts of energy dancing around a figure!

It's one of those predators from home!  What to do... what to do... he's about to fry me...

Instinct kicked in, and I pounced on it in the hopes of killing it before it could discharge its power into me.

"Lamarr?  Heddy, no!--"

...But I didn't even hit it.  This confused me at first, but then I was far more confused when I realized that none of my senses were working...  I couldn't feel the ground, there were... well, plenty of vibrations, but they didn't feel right... they were coming from everywhere!  My tiny eyes told me that there was a lot of light--an infuriating amount, in fact--but nothing else.  I couldn't smell anything.

Wait... I can't smell anything?  That can't be right.  I've always been able to smell my own scent!

What happened to the world?!!