Wait...The Dogs Won?

by Dr Atlas

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Diamond Dogs, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Spike, Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 9100

Equestria has gone to the dogs...Strangely, this seems like the best life for everyone.

Twilight and Spike come across a timeline where Diamond dogs now rule over everyone in Equestria.
It's pretty awesome!

That stupid annoying author: I feel like we were forgetting another set of antagonists in the show during that final...not really sure who though.

Published 2015-12-08 23:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-08 23:30:02 UTC

Where's the evil?

Author's Note

Didn't really know how else to start it nor how to keep it going...
Sorry.

Where's the evil?

“UGH! Now where are we?”

Twilight grabbed a hold of Spike and held him close, thinking any moment another villain would try to take him. “W-Who cares!? We need to hurry and...stop...wait? Where are we?”

“That’s what I asked.”

Twilight and Spike then got their bearings, seeing that there was no devastation, no burnt roads, no chaos, no one screaming in terror, nothing but an empty four way street with regular buildings that were still intact.

Spike pointed up at the night sky. “It’s night...D-does that mean we’re still-”

“No.” Twilight said. :”The moon’s at a different position and it’s not full. I know she would want it to be seen by everypony.” Twilight took a look around. “It seems...normal, no chaos, no fighting, no screams. This is weird.”

“Well, it is nighttime.” Spike pointed out. “Don’t you think ponies would be in bed by now?”

“In a place that’s probably ruled by one of our other foes, I doubt it, everyone’s probably working to the bone or locked in cells, o-or even...worse.”

“Even worse, huh?” Spike was still curious. “Well, I doubt we’ll find anything worse...Hmm, lets see.” He got on top of Twilight and leaned forward. “No Chrysalis.” He turned to his right. “No Sombra..” He went left. “No Nightmare Moon.” Then behind. “No Dis...line?”

“Disline?” Twilight never heard of such a word. “Since when were we against a Disline? In fact, what is a Disline any...way?” She turned to where Spike was looking, which made him turn to the opposite direction. “What in the name of…”

Spike turned around again, craning his neck to the sky to see a building so tall that they couldn’t even see the top, and right in front of it stood a line made up of different creatures ranging from ponies to zebras to griffins to- “I-Is that a minotaur?” Spike asked.

“T-There’s no way…” Twilight whispered. “T-They have to be waiting to...go to a cell or something. Not...whatever this is.” Twilight threw her arms at the building, still shocked to see it this big.

“What is this anyway?” Spike asked before realizing no answer would follow.

“I-I don’t know, but I need to.”

“What!?” Spike got off her and stood in front, blocking her way. “Are you crazy, we’re going towards disaster. Do you really wanna face whatever's up ahead?”

“Spike, you were the one saying nothing bad is happening.”

“That’s just because I didn’t see it, now come on! We have to-”

“See this.” Twilight said, hoisting him on her back with her magic and continued walking forward.

“W-Why see it? W-We can see it just fine from here. Why would we get closer?”

“Because seeing a group of creatures, especially ponies, not fighting each other is a sign that something isn’t right...or, is good...or...I-It’s just...different.”

Spike stood up. “Then let’s leave, we don’t even have to be here right now.”

“It’ll just tack a second.” Twilight promised. “We’ll just go in, and if things get bad, we’ll leave, okay?”

Spike sat back down and crossed his arms. “Fine...but if I get wrapped up in chains again…”

Twilight ignored his wining and went up front where, seeing a griffin was standing impatiently. Twilight looked at Spike to see if he knew what to say, but he only shrugged for an answer, making her sigh and clear her throat. “Um, excuse me, are you-”

The griffin immediately yelled out, “Hey! Get to the back of the-” The griffin then gasped. “O-Oh my gosh, I-I didn’t know it was one of you...u-uh...f-forget I said anything...h-here.” He then backed up and pointed at the now empty spot. “G-Go ahead and cut in front of me.” He smiled nervously, like any moment he’d be in trouble.

The pony behind him wanted to object, but after looking at Twilight, he shut his mouth. Even the creatures behind him had the same expression of horror, even a muscular minotaur hid behind a pony behind him, quivering in fear. Twilight and Spike looked at each other in confusion, then back at them. Spike leaned into her ear and whispered, “Can we go now?”

Every part of Twilight wanted to just take the map and go, but seeing a time where no one was afraid (to each other, at least) or screaming or even fighting brought out her curiosity. “N-No,” Twilight whispered. “I have to know. T-there's no way this place is good.”

“What are you talking about?” The griffin said. “This place is the best! You should know, you and your friends made it.”

Twilight could only respond with a- “What…”

The griffin smiled. “Yeah, you really did bring the place to life, now...c-cut in front, I-I’m sure he’ll let you in.”

“Who?”

The double doors burst open, making the whole crowd go silent. “What’s the hold up!?” A loud voice echoed through the street. “Who’s stallin’ the line, I want names!?”

Twilight and Spike’s gasped once they saw who yelled out those words. They instantly recognize what it was. The green eyes, the pointed ears, the huge underbite, the gigantic paws. the small legs. “W-W..wha...w-what?” Was all she could stutter as the beast looked down upon her. Its eyes were menacing and its expression looked like he’d be ready for a fight, but after a few seconds of silence, the beast smiled and yelled out,

“OH! EEEEEY! If it ain’t Sparks! If I’d known it was you, I would’ve let you in n’stead of stayin’ in line.” The oversized beast smiled. “How’s it goin’, by the way? You already back from your trip?”

Twilight and Spike’s minds were still trying to process that a diamond dog was looking right at them and not proceeding to do anything but say hi. “I...I-I...what?” Twilight squeaked out.

The beast leaned on the side of one of the doors and raised his arm inside. “Well, come on in, Sparks! Don’t keep the boss and the rest of the public waiting. I’m sure he’d love to hear what ya did.”

“W-Why?...w-what did I-” Twilight couldn’t finish, instead, she was practically shoved into the building by his huge paw, landing head first with Spike landing on her back, also, head first.

She groaned and stood back up. “Hey! Why’d you-”

*SLAM*

“Push...me…” Twilight wasn’t sure how to handle this situation, her and Spike were practically thrown into the lair of whoever was ruling and already had no escape plan, besides the map.

“What just happened?” Spike asked, rubbing his head. “And why’s it so dark?”

Seeing this, Twilight lit up her horn, the only other light source was the one in front of them, which was just a pair of doors with flashing lights seeping through. “What the hay is this place?”

“Who cares, l-lets just get outta here.” Spike reached for the map, but Twilight took it out of his claws.

“Spike, I gotta know. This timeline is the strangest one yet, I haven’t seen any of my friends in danger, not a single creature has tried to get us yet, and I don’t see Starlight anywhere...something is very wrong.

“Then let’s just go!”

Twilight shook her head and made her way to the doors on the other end of the hall. “I’m sorry, Spike, we’re not leaving until I find out what’s going on here. This could be importANT!.”

Spike stopped her inches away from the door by pulling on her ears. “Twilight, what if this is a trap? What if it’s really bad? What if we see our friends...i-in a bad situation.”

“Then we’ll leave and try to forget this timelines exists.” Twilight put her hoof on the door. “Now, come on, we have a story to figures out.”

Spike sighed. “This is gonna suck…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The double doors must’ve been soundproof, because the second she opened them, a loud beat came pumping through both of their eardrums.

“What kind of music is this!?” Twilight shouted, covering her ears with her hooves.

“I-I dunno! C-Can we please leave now?” Spike did the same and closed his eyes. The music still seeping through his claws and into his brain.

Twilight continued moving, even though her eyes and teeth were clenched and her ears were flopped down to block out the noise, Spike managed to open one of his eyes just in time to see that Twilight was about to bump into someone holding three players of drinks. “Twilight! Look o-”

*SLAM*

Twilight and Spike fell to the floor and the drinks flew in the air, almost came crashing on top of them, but the yellow pegasus that was holding all of them managed to catch every drink on the platter and even get the one’s she missed on her wings and head. A roar of applause came from the crowd, making her blush and set all the drinks where they were. “Uh...T-Thanks…guess practice makes perfect.” She then turned to Twilight and brought her back on all fours with her arm. “S-sorry about that, miss, I-I was supposed to brings theses to...Twilight?”

Twilight managed to get her eyes straight and look right into the face of her friend in a waiter's outfit. “F-Fluttershy? Is that you?”

“Fluttershy? Where?” Spike got up and turned around multiple times to find her, only for Twilight to help him by grabbing his head and turning it too her. “Oh...oooh...t-that really is you, isn’t it?”

The shy pony nodded. “Um...y-yes, it is...W-What are you doing back here so early? I thought you were meeting-”

“What happened to you!?” Twilight yelled, seeing that her friend no longer had a long tail, but one as long as Twilight’s, and her face covered in makeup.

“W-What do you mean, I always look like this when I’m working. By the way, where’s your suit, T-The boss spent a lot of bits on that.”

“The boss?” Twilight’s suspicions skyrocketed. First a dog shoved her in this place, now her friends a servant to the crowd. “Where are they!?”

“T-The boss...H-He’s on the top floor...w-where else would he be?”

Twilight went face to face with her. “Take me to him. I've gotta know who's in charge.”

“Um...o-okay, I-I was on my way there anyways.” Fluttershy gulped and adjusted her grip on the platters on her wings and head. “T-This way.”

Twilight followed close behind, her ears getting used to the beat echoing through the room, which looked more like a club than anything. A bar in the corner, a stage that had a floor leading to the middle with a mic at the end. Twilight couldn’t understand any of it. “What kind of place is this? It’s not a chamber, it’s not some throne room, not a workplace for ponies...what is this place?”

Twilight bumped into the side of the elevator door, hitting one of the buttons. “Oh, a-are you okay?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight rubbed her head. “Yeah...I’m fine, what about you?”

“Me?” Fluttershy wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “Um...I’m okay, I guess, nothing out of the ordinary has happened here at RovCorner.”

“Rov-what?” Spike said.

“That’s the name of this place...Um...Are you sure you're okay? You act like you’ve never been here before.”

“That’s because I’ve-”

*ding*

The three of them faced the elevator door as it slid open, waiting for it’s passengers. “Well, this way.” Fluttershy said, stepping in and waiting for Twilight.

Twilight put on her most determined face while Spike held onto her and gulped. “Here we go…” Twilight said, ready for her dece...or, ascent into the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“H-Here’s his room.” Fluttershy pointed ahead, right at a large door, with a gold plate on top which read ‘the boss’.

Twilight was sceptical. “So, this elevator only has his room on this floor.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Of course, that’s how we designed it, don’t you remember, Twilight?”

Twilight sighed, knowing it would be impossible to explain. “H-How about I just go on ahead while you go back.”

“Um...o-okay.” Fluttershy pressed down floor button as Twilight and Spike exited the elevator, the doors slowly closing the sight between the two ponies and dragon before shutting.

Twilight looked up at the door, knowing there was no turning back once she opened it. “Last chance.” Spike said. Twilight just ignored him and raised her hoof to the door.

*knock knock knock*

A few seconds passed before a voice shouted, “Who is it?”

Twilight was hesitant to say, but she knew something was up, and she had to take drastic measures to find out what is happening here. “It’s Twilight!”

“And Spike!” Spike yelled out, getting a glare from Twilight. “What?”

“Well then, come on in! You don’t need permission.”

“I swear I’ve heard that voice before.” Twilight whispered.

“Me too.” Spike said. “But from who?”

“Only one way to find out.” With a deep breath, Twilight reached for the handle and turned it, ready to face whatever lies ahead.

The top dog

As Twilight swung the door open, she looked right into the back of a red vested grey diamond dog who was currently pouring cider in a shot glass. He then turned around and raised his glass in the air while staring his glowing green eyes right at Twilight. “Sup, Sparks, back so soon?” He then took a sip and adjusted his black collar engraved with diamonds around the sides with a big blue one sticking out in front

Twilight knew this was trouble, this was the main threat in this timeline, and she would not let this phase her. “YOU!”

Rover stopped drinking. “Uh...yes. It’s me.”

Twilight ignored his confused voice, thinking it was a trick. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” Rover stood on his hind legs and raised his arms across the room. “This is my office, where else would I be...I mean, besides downstairs dancing or chatting with Jackie or being at home or...huh, guess I would be in other places, wouldn’t I?”

“You know what I mean!”

Rover finally went face to face with the both of them. “I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about, Sparks.”

Spike expected to smell the stench of an unclean mouth, but Rover’s was almost mint...with a hint of cider. “Wait, what happened to your breath? Last I remembered, it reeked” Spike asked.

Twilight glared at Spike again. “Who cares about his-”

“That’s a ten kay bit worth mouth right here, Spikes.” Rover smiled, showing his sharp, very white and clean, teeth. “That mare really earned her degree in dentistry...That’s what it is, right?”

Twilight was about to make another outburst, but Spike asked another question. “And what's with the way you talk. You sound more...more…”

“Intellectual?” Rover asked, tapping his head. “Cause if we still don’t sound smart, then we need to stone that goat friend of yours again if he can’t teach us things like that.” He took a sip from his shot glass and continued. “And it’s gonna take a lot more than Shy sobbing her eyes out to stop us this time! We got hearts but they ain’t made outa gold.”

Twilight didn’t even have to think about what ‘goat’ he was talking about. “Are you talking about Discord?”

Rover rolled his eyes. “No, I’m talking about the other mutated goat that almost destroyed Equestria.” He stepped back. “You drunk again?”

Twilight couldn’t believe these dogs were this powerful to take out discord, nor could she believe them thinking she was under the influence. “I-I’m not drunk! An...And how did Discord take over Equestria here too?”

“Take over!?” Rover laughed. “Psh! He tried, but us dogs got a hold of em’ before he could lay a claw on you galz. We don’t wanna lose our best friends now, do we?”

“Best friends!?”

Rover seemed surprised by the sudden outburst, but then realized she always got like this when she had a few drinks. “Yeah, besties for about three in a half years now, kinda neat, don’t ya think?”

“T-Th...Three years?”

Rover nodded with smile. “Yup, almost our anniversary of making this fine establishment.” He continued wandering around the room, looking at the many awards earned for best in show, best dress, greatest pastry, or nobel prizes that were either in a glass case or hanging on a wall. “Almost makes me wanna go back and remember everything.”

Twilight guessed this would be the perfect chance to ask questions about these dogs. “Okay then, let’s do that, let’s go back to the very beginning since I don’t remember ever being friends with you.”

Rover turned back to her and frowned. “You don’t remember? How can you not even remember that fateful day? When me, the other dogs and that pretty pretty princess of yours decided to let us handle things around here?”

“S-She what!?”

Rover nodded. “Yeah! She was so nice about it too. Who’d thought all you needed to do to have a princess listen to ya was to hold her student and her friends in a cage.”

Twilight glared at him. “Anyone would listen to a villain when they have their friends captured!”

Rover cringed. "Captured is a strong word...I’d use...currently under our control.” Rover sipped from his glass and walked to another wall, seeing screens of different areas of the tall building, most of them being on the ground floor. “And what do you mean by ‘villain’? We’re not evil.”

Twilight didn’t believe that for a second. “You are still evil, because, last I remember, we found you with Rarity who made you all-”

Rover pinched the top of his snout with his thumb and index finger. “I’d REALLY rather not talk about what Rare made us do.” Rover could almost hear the whining and complaining that happened. “We all agreed not to speak of it now that it’s water under the bridge.” He pointed at her. “That includes you too.”

“I don’t remember ever making that deal! O-Or any deal with you!”

“You...really can’t remember?” Rover walked behind his desk and stood in front of his big, black, comfy, expensive, wheeled office chair and set his drink on the desk. “Well, either you’re drunk again or you lost your mind, but, either way, I don’t mind taking a trip down memory lane.”

Twilight sat down and crossed her arms, Spike standing next to her. “Go ahead.” She said. “I’ve got all the time in Equestria.”

Rover breathed a hefty sigh, remembering exactly what happened all those years ago. He finally sat down in front of his desk, which had nothing but a few scattered papers and pens, dog treats on an ashtray, a framed picture stand facing away from Twilight, a calendar with many circled dates, and a tennis ball in a glass case, saying: ‘don’t touch’. “Alright!...Where to start…”

“Start from the beginning. You know, when you were evil and captured us to try to-”

Rover knew where this was going and decided to get the worse out of the way. “Okay, look. In the past, yes, we were all hateful to each other, you were all behind bars, and all the diamond dogs forced you gals and dragon to help us look and dig for diamonds while Rare woar a muzzle, but after a while, you started hearing about what we really wanted to do if we-.”

“Take over Equestria and rule over it with an iron...paw!?” Twilight yelled.

“Uh...no, not taking over, just ruling over it.” Rover then pointed at his paw. “And does it look like I want iron on these clean paws?”

“You know what I mean, Rover!”

Rover put his paws up in defense. “Chil-AX Sparks. Drunk or not, ya need to take it easy.”

Spike tugged on her wing. “He kinda has a point, Twilight, yelling isn’t really helping us.”

Twilight swallowed another sentence of yelling and decided to turn down the volume on the next one. “Okay then...what happened next? Did we keep digging diamonds for you?”

“We eventually moved on to other...uh.” Rover tried to think of the right word. “min...erals? That’s what they are, right?”

“So you made us dig for more things? That sure is nice of you.” Twilight said sarcastically.

“But it wasn’t just your friends, we started helping too, we all worked together with a plan in mind.”

Spike decided to start asking questions too. “What plan?”

Twilight nodded. “Exactly, what kind of plan were you...planning, was it global destruction, or complete take over, or-”

“Making you guys one of the most richest ponies in Equestria.” Rover stated, shutting Twilight up.

“W-What?” Twilight could already tell she would be using that word a lot tonight.

“Yeah, we made you and all your other friends rich enough to help, not just you, but a lot of other ponies. It even taught us a couple things about that friendship stuff. We even helped write that report for ya.”

“Y-You wrote a friendship report?”

Rover smiled. “It gave me a pretty nice feeling inside, like some sorta warm, fuzzy feeling up here.” He pointed at his chest. “After that, me and the dogs felt pretty good about ourselves. We even wanted to help out more too, and the other ponies did the same.”

Twilight couldn’t believe other ponies in the town wanting to be apart of anything with these diamond dogs. “Really?”

“Yeah, you ponies really opened up to us when we told ya about our ideas on what we wanted to do with all the diamonds and gems and crystals we got.” Rover pointed to an outside window. “I mean, sooo...ciety’s been pretty good with the laws we passed thanks to you.”

“You even passed laws? What kind of laws!?”

Rover was about to answer, but decided to duck under the desk and pull up one of the many folders. “This is one outta seven hundred and eighty two laws we passed over the last few years, might’ve taken a while, but it was easier as time went on.” He then set it on the desk and opened the first page. “I got my favorite one, law two hundred and forty: Allow pups to be apart of pony history classes. The little mutts were pretty glad to hear about us learning more about pony culture. You guys got some nice history, I’ll tell you what.”

Twilight was lost at him saying he passed over almost eight hundred laws. “H-H...How did you get the princess to accept that many laws?”

Rover set the file back. “The princess liked our laws, her sis liked them, that other pink princess and her prince liked them, heck, even you girls like our ideas.”

Twilight found that was the hardest thing to believe at this point. “We did?”

Rover nodded. “Yup, your favorite one was the equality act. Gee, was that tough to pull off.”

“E-Equality.” Twilight and Spike got flashbacks.. “W-What do you mean...I-Is Starli-”

“Me, you, the princess, and TONS of other leaders from across Equestria came together in one central area to pass the equalization act: To never judge any beast by the fur on their back, the fluff of their feathers, the scales on their skins, or the mark on their flanks. All creatures are equal and it’s been that way for two years without any interruptions”

Twilight’s and Spike’s jaws were almost on the floor. “Ta...t-t.twoooo years of peace?”

“And coutin’.” Rover said. “But in all seriousness, it’s been pretty nice like this. Me and the mutts finally got what we’ve always wanted and you and your pony friends have never been more popular.” Rover threw his arm toward the many screens behind him, showing the many creatures that continued dancing. “Even the other creatures are enjoying this night, it’s awesome!”

Twilight really wanted to ask how all that happened, but more important questions came in the way: Her friends. “What about my friends? What are they doing now that you guys are in charge?”

Rover took out a bottle from under his desk and poured himself a glass, getting thirsty from all this talking. “Dogs aren’t the only one’s in charge, Sparks. like your friend, Rare. She takes care of the finances and makes sure this place is runnin’ in the bank!”

This was getting more insane by the second for Twilight. “Really?”

Spike raised his claw in the air like a student wanting to ask a question. “Is she here right now?”

“Nah, she’s off today to spend time with her folks. She’ll be here tomorrow, I think.”

Twilight;s brain focused back on her friends. “So, Rarity does that and fluttershy’s a waiter downstairs?”

Rover nodded. “It’s what she wanted, she said meeting and greeting all the creatures in this place was the greatest thing she’d ever want, guess that’s her element...um...what was her element again?”

“Kindness.” Twilight answered.

“Yeah, that verb. She’s always like that.”

“That’s a noun.”

“Same thing. Right?”

Twilight didn’t even want to argue over grammar. “Okay, so, what about Applejack? I take it she doesn’t work at the farm?”

“Ol’ Jackie likes being a bartender. Can ya remember what her favorite drink is?”

“Appletini?” Spike answered, receiving a glare from Twilight seconds later.

Rover laughed. “The ex-treasurer’s correct. Looks like he is smarter than he looks.”

Spike never heard of that word. “I was a what?”

“A treasurer.” Rover said, guessing that he was also drunk...or at least tired. “Someone who helps handle money for a business.” He tapped his own head. “I still know my knowledge from those books that flower teacher gave us.”

“I thought Discord was your teacher.” Twilight said.

“He’s not our only one, sometimes we get others to help out, and in return, we help them. That’s the way we do things, even though weeding gardens is kinda hard.” Rover looked at his paws. “Paws this big weren’t made for planting flowers and yankin’ out weeds.”

“Uh...yeah, sure.” Twilight looked at Spike. “So, why isn’t he in charge of it anymore?”

“Well, he used to be one until the boys found out he was snacking’ on some of the cash.” Rover pointed at him. “You’re lucky your mom’s important, otherwise you’d end up like that magic mare.”

“Wha...bu...s-she’s not my-”

“Magic mare?” Twilight interrupted. “Are you talking about a cape, wizard hat wearing, blue mare?”

Rover slowly nodded. “Yep, I’m talkin about the Trix. She’s this one trick pony who wanted to put on a show for the club, but her performance was horrible. She even came back again with this medal thingy on her, but you took her down pretty quick with those shiny necklaces you ponies had on ya.”

Hearing that was very surprising, Trixie might have been out of it when she was wearing that amulet, but using the elements to stop her? “We used the elements on her?”

“Yup, last I heard, she ran away when her horn broke off, so much for magic tricks anymore, eh?”

Twilight couldn’t even imagine how painful that would be. “H-Her horn?”

“Yup, tore it right off, It’s at your place as a candle, at least, I think that’s what you use it for.”

Twilight was still having a hard time realizing they used the elements on her. Alicorn amulet or not, that was too much. “But why would we use the...Wait, where are the elements?” Twilight was hoping they were no longer just a crown and five pairs of necklaces in this timeline.

“Um...they’re on that tree thing, right?”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief before realizing the other disaster that followed before hoof. “Does that mean the vines still attacked?”

“What vines?” Rover said. “Are you talkin’ about those spiky things? Cause we made sure Discord dealt with that mistake of his before it went outta hand, or ‘hoof’ in your case.”

“Discord did it? What about us?”

Rover smiled. “You watched. It was pretty entertaining to see him fumble about to get the vines off him. After all that stuff cleared ya found that tree, put the elements on there, and found your princess friends.” Rover sipped from his glass and poured another. “Pretty interesting day.”

It was becoming harder for Twilight to take all this in. “Okay, so Rarity handles the money, Fluttershy’s the waiter, and Applejack's the bartender, what about my other two friends?”

Rover craned his head to one of the screens, right where a pink pony was scratching records on stage. “DJ P1nk handles the set...she can get crazy, but she does the job.right, unlike that unicorn.” Rover snarled. “She can take her dub hating roommate and shove it right up-”

“What does Rainbow Dash do? “ Twilight didn’t even want to keep talking about Pinkie, knowing that story would take forever.

“Dasher is our main bouncer. Sometimes it’s Rare when Dash is on break, but even then, it’s still the same level of security.”

“Rarity? As a bouncer?” Twilight couldn’t picture a mare like her doing a job like that, maybe Dash, but not Rarity.

“What’s a bouncer?” Spike asked.

Rover decided to test out his intellectual lessons again. “It’s someone who makes sure the one’s making trouble will be in trouble, capeesh? That means ‘do you understa-”

“I know what it means.” Spike said. “I’m not dumb like y-”

Twilight sipped his mouth shut, knowing Rover wouldn’t take kindly to insults. “Um...I-I’m sorry, but I just don’t see Rarity fighting someone, she’s too...too...uh...what’s the word…” Twilight was hoping he would answer so he could forget about Spike’s almost rude remark.

“Soft?” Rover suggested. “Cause if you think she is, then I’m pretty sure you’ve had one to many shots.”

Twilight still didn’t believe this. “But she doesn’t fight.”

Rover shook his head and chuckled. “You don’t know how wrong you are, Sparks. She does fight and I do know that she gets it from her sister...or is that the other way around?”

Hearing that, Twilight knew this next question can prove these dogs were still evil. “Wait! What about Rarity’s sister? A-And Applejack’s family? And even Rai-”

“Calm down, they still have their families and now appointed foster child to come home to...Jackie lives at that farm of hers, even though we have plenty of other places she can stay at.”

Twilight was shocked to hear that. “She still has her farm?”

Rover assumed she was still worried about the incident that happened. “Don’t worry. We made sure those twins won’t be coming back any time soon. It’s gonna take a lot more than some machine to best the apple family and their-” Rover took a shot of his drink and slammed it on the table, shivering a bit to get over the taste. “WHA...OH! Their fine flank drinks!” He pointed at the now empty glass before making it full. “That’s the cider special; best seller.”

“But they only sell cider on-”

“Not in this business.” Rover said. “If the apple family wants some profit, then their gonna have to make their best sellin’ stuff for us.”

Twilight had him now. “HA! You are still evil, Applejack would never agree to-”

“Actually, Jackie didn’t care, I mean, after we made renovations on her barn and gave her some pups to help around the place; not to mention that we helped get those twins far away from here. So, she said it was ay okay to sell her drinks more often.” He sipped from his drink and raised it to her. “True story.”

Twilight still didn’t buy it. “So, you bribed her then?”

“I wouldn’t use bribe, I’d use help her out so she can help us out. Do you know how much of a profit this place makes with that drink alone?”

“Ten percent?” Spike guessed.

Rover rested his arm on the table and leaned in. “Try twenty five.” Rover let that sink in. :”Yeah, one forth of this place is floating on this cider.” He lightly shook his drink and sipped from it again. “Honestly, if she refused, this place would’ve fallen by now.”

Twilight sighed, feeling defeated again. “I...guess I can understand that...but what about Rarity and her store?”

Rover snickered. “Psh, that place? Sparks, we upgraded that shack to show all the world the dresses she makes and in return she doesn’t try to make renovations in this club.” Rover shivered, remembering the many changes that mare made. “We have Fashion Show Fridays to show off what she has to offer.”

Twilight then realized where they were. “That’s another question, what’s up with this place? Why some night club? Why don’t you rule at a castle or something?”

“Cause the creatures wanted parties.” Rover said simple. “And what better place to throw a party than a club, besides, we got tons of other floors for royal and business stuff, but don’t worry, we made sure to put those higher so you don’t hear the music.” Rover then pointed at himself. “And does it look like I wanna wear some crown in a robe and sit on a uncomfy chair all day?” Rover shifted his weight in his seat. “I don’t think so.”

Twilight was starting to get scared by how much sense all of this was making. “Okay, but what about Pinkie, does she live at Sugar Cube Corner here?”

“Pinks lives here, actually. Her pad’s on the fifth floor with...uh...what was his name again?”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. Thinking he was trying to change the subject. “Why doesn’t Pinkie live with the Cakes? Don’t tell me you guys shut it down?”

Rover was offended. “Why would we just down such a successful business? The Cakes were okay with Pinkie leaving, and Pinkie was fine having a job as a DJ instead. She’s throwing parties better than ever doing this.”

“Then how are the Cakes doing without another baker?” She eyed him. “Hmmm? Do they hate it?”

“They found some dogs that cook a mean pastry, s’almost better too.”

Twilight knew this was still bad. “But they still miss Pinkie, right?”

Rover’s face went deadpan. “Sparks, it’s called Sweets Sunday. Ya know? When the Cakes and other bakers from all around Equestria come here to have their food sold to the public, and Pinks always makes sure to play a song for them every time. It’s pretty nice.”

Twilight figured she could accept that, but there was still two more friends. “What about Dash, does she live at her house?”

Rover pointed up. “Dasher has a place up in the clouds above here with that kid of her’s. We’d add stuff to their home, but the clouds are kinda hard to maneuver through when ya can’t walk on them.”

“Dash has a kid?” Spike asked after unzipping his mouth.

Rover nodded. “According to the contract we helped signed in court, yes. Yes she does.”

“Why would Rainbow want a kid?” Twilight asked, getting the zipper off of Spikes mouth.

Rover sipped his glass again. “I dunno, probably after we told her her number one fangirl is orphaned after we started getting a tour of this town. Apparently, Dasher felt bad and decided to have her as a kid. She said she did it cause she felt sorry for her, but I swear, she likes that girl. I’ve never seen her shed more tears after seein’ that filly get one of those flank marks. And she’s supposed to be the tough one in your group” Rover shook his head and chuckled.

Twilight almost forgot about the fillies cutie marks. “Wait, what kind of cutie marks? A-Are they different?”

Rover could almost hear the constant screams of joy from those fillies again. “Nope, they all look the same to me. S’just shield shaped marks with symbols inside them. The dogs couldn’t understand what the hubbub was about, but it’s probably a pony thing, am I right, Spikes?”

Spike shrugged. “Yeah, probably.”

Twilight realized she didn’t even ask about their own living conditions. “What about us? Do we live here too?”

“You and your kid live at your castle along with the best books diamonds could buy.” He looked at the calendar on his desk and pointed at a date for her to see. “Your next shipment should be here in a few days, actually.”

“We still have a castle!:” Spike raised his arms in the air. “Nice!”

Rover slapped his leg. “You’re dang right it’s nice. When me and the boys saw that thing for the first time, we almost wanted to throw parties in there...heh.” Rover then hung his head and said to himself, “Really would’ve been nice if you agreed to that.”

Spike put his arms down. “Wait...what about the treehouse?”

Twilight shivered, remembering what happened to her old home. “Yeah...is the treehouse still there.”

Rover found that question surprising. “You don’t remember that red guy coming in and burning it to the ground?”

Twilight and Spike gasped. “T-Tirek still came back!?”

Rover rubbed his chin. “So that was his name...I thought it was Terik...or Track...or Teireky...however the heck you spell it.”

Twilight had to know. “H-How did he still come back?”

Rover answered with another shrug. “We dunno. That guy just walked around this town one day and started suckin’ up magic, kinda gross watchin it.”

“Does that mean he captured my friends and the other princesses?”

Rover smiled smugly, remembering exactly how that day went down. “He almost did, but if you hadn’t noticed, Diamond dogs don’t really have magic to suck up, just….uh, you know” Rover flexed one of his arms, showing some very nice biceps. “muscle. We made him realized that...the hard way.” He cracked his knuckles and put on a menacing look, making Twilight shiver and Spike smile.

“You beat him up?” Spike asked.

“Mhh hmm.” Rover answered. “We taught that guy a lesson: That messin’ with one friend is messin’ with all of them.” He crossed his arms. “Put that in your report and flame it.”

Twilight had to admit, that was a pretty good lesson, but hearing this wasn’t enough. She had to know if she was still happy in this world. “Alright, next question. I know what my friends do, but what about me? What’s my job?”

“You? You’re our agent, you help us get the big gigs since you know all the famous creatures. By the way, did you manage to get a hold of that bug queen before you got drunk? Me and the pups here are scheduled to go over to her place and perform for the children “

“Are you talking about that evil queen Chrysalis?”

Rover was surprised to hear that. “Uh, duh, what other bug queen am I talking about? And what do you mean by ‘evil’? She's not evil.”

“She is...w-well, in that timeline.” Twilight finished to herself.

“Okay, I’ll admit, before the wedding, she was still pretty evil.”

“So she still attacked Canterlot?”

Rover was getting more confused with every question she asked. “Attacked? She didn’t attack. Why would she attack and ruin one of her son’s weddings?”

“Because she needed love to...her son?” Twilight was confused. “She didn’t attack my brother’s wedding?”

“No, not your bro’s, She might have hated going to that one, but she still came. I’m talking about Pink’s wedding.”

“Pinkie got married!?” Twilight yelled.

Hearing that made Rover remember how the rest of them took the news. “Whoa, chilax, Twilight. Don’t bring up the talking sandwich again. We know that was pretty hard for us to handle, but it still happened, and because of it, the changelings are friends with us.”

Twilight was losing it again. “W-Who!? Who did Pinkie marry?”

“I already told you. She married one of Chrysalis’s sons...I think his name was Dooly or Doopy or something…I ain’t that good with Changeling names...they’re really weird.”

Twilight still couldn’t believe this. “Why would she marry a changeling!?”

“You can blame one of her kids for that.” Rover rested his legs on his desk and prepared for the story. “A while ago, some bug came in disguised as one of you girls to get backstage and find food, only to find his apparent ‘true love’ .” Rover pointed his thumb at a screen where Pinkie was, doing dance moves on stage. “And there’s his pride and joy right there.”

“A changeling got food off of Pinkie?” Twilight felt uneasy. “What did Pinkie do?”

Rover rested the back of his head on his paws. “She felt the same way for some reason. Apparently, when she found him backstage,, Pinkie was more surprised to find him than mad. So, she took him up to her room where they were alone to talk to each other..” Rover put his fingertips together and remembered the whole story. “And in those several hours of ‘opening up’, and missing a show, the boys found the both of them in a...heh...weird situation.” Rover snickered. “You and your other friends were pretty shocked too.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide. “A-Are you saying that...that changeling is Pinkie’s-”

“Yup. After the queen found out her son was goin’ out with a pony instead of getting the love back to the hive, she came right over here to take him back.” Rover smiled. “That was a pretty interesting day.”

Twilight had to ask. “Why? What happened?”

Rover put his legs back on the floor. “There was this big dispute on both sides, saying that those two don’t deserve to love and the two lovers saying that it wasn’t fair...but, in the end, both sides came to an agreement.”

Twilight started putting the pieces together. “Let me get this straight, Pinkie found a changeling, they ended up liking each other, Chrysalis came here to get him back, and, in the end, they got married so the changelings and us wouldn’t fight?”

“You catch on quick.” Rover said. “The two of them being married brought both the ponies and the changelings together in peace.” Rover poured another glass, the bottle getting half full. “Yup, two lovers from opposite sides loving together even though both families hate each other. Reminds me of a story in those playbooks Dissy showed us, except this time no one got poisoned and there was a happy ending.”

Twilight almost forgot about the equality act. “But I thought every creature was at peace?”

“This was before.” Rover said. “In fact, making peace with the changelings first kinda gave us the idea of ‘if we can make one race at peace, why not all?’” Rover clapped his paws. “And with that attitude, we got it settled in under a month. Pretty nice, eh?”

Twilight wanted to point out that was borderline impossible, but Spike wanted to ask a more important question. “So...Pinkie fell in love with a bug?” Spike scratched his head “That’s kinda weird, even for Pinkie’s standards.”

Rover raised an eye. “Pinks has standards?”

Twilight had to agree with that, but there were still more questions to ask. “So, the ponies and other creatures are at peace. What about Shy and her animals? Are they gone?”

Rover groaned, hearing the sob stories all over again. “UGH! Yes!...We made sure Shy has a place for all her little critters to stay at...gosh, was that a pain in the flank to pull off.”

Twilight pointed at him. “AH HA! I knew you still had some- Y-You what?”

Rover sadly nodded. “Yes, Flutter’s still has her little woodland friends to play with when she’s off work, still don’t get why she likes them so much.”

“You mean...the woods are still intact with everything you did?”

“You act like we pave roads over trees and burn forests to build houses.” Rover shuddered at the thought of such things. “What kind of idiot would do that? Last I checked, trees provide breathing stuff so we can...breath.”

“Oxygen”

“Yeah, that adjective.”

“It’s not a...forget it, Just...W-Why do you do this?”

“Do what?”

“This!” Twilight looked around the room. “How is it that life is better because a bunch of dogs rule over everyone.”

“We don’t rule over everyone, Sparks. Celly still has her kingdom to look over, and your sis and bro look after the crystal kingdom. We’re just apart of Ponyville. You’re lucky we still kept the name since other creatures are coming in”

This world was getting harder to believe with every piece of information Rover gave her.. “But, why wouldn’t you be interested in a crystal kingdom to rule over?”

Rover crossed his arms. “Because last I remember, a king tried taking over the kingdom, only to have a buncha town ponies blast him to pieces, must’ve been one heck of a test, eh Sparks?”

“So, Sombra was defeated too?” Twilight was now becoming impressed with this world. “Did you guys come along?”

“Us? Me and the mutts were here while you guys went over to that place.” Rover poured another shot and drank it. “We ain’t with you twenty four, seven, Sparks. We let you and your own friends do your own things from time to time, even though we’d probably kick Sombra’s flank for ya.”

Both Spike and Twilight found that hard to believe. Spike decided to ask. “But don’t you think hearing about crystals in a kingdom makes you wanna go with us?”

Back then, Rover didn’t even want to see, let alone sell, whatever those things were. “I doubt I’d want to sell corrupted crystals to ponies. If those things give nightmares, like you said, then we don’t even wanna touch them.”

Twilight was running out of question, but she knew there was one last major question before she could give up. “So, Discord is here and helping...in a way, Chrysalis is nice...also, in a way, Trixie has no horn, Tirek is gone, Sombra is also gone...What about Starlight? If she’s even here.”

Rover raised an eye. “Starlight?...Starlight. Hmmm...Starlight, Starlight, Starlight…” Rover knocked in his head with his fist in hopes it would jog his memory. As for Twilight, she watched in anticipation for this world to truly be good. “Hmmmmmmmmm...OH! I remember! Oh geeze, how could I forget such a night, that was a blast!”

Twilight sighed in defeat and took a wild guess as to what happened. “Did you guys end up helping us win with this, too?”

Rover scratched the back of his neck. “Well, after you told us she yanked the cutie marks away from your butts, we realized that would probably be bad for you, so, the pups and I” He cleared his throat. “‘dealt’ with her and got em’ back for ya.”

“D-Dealt?” Twilight didn’t like the sound of that, nor did she like him quoting ‘dealt’ with his paws. She was almost too afraid to ask. “W-What do you mean?”

“Eh, I’d go into detail, but you girls were too mad at her to care what happened once we finished ea...uh…’dealing’ with her when you left the cave. You even helped soften her up when ya knocked her out...Oh...Now was that hilarious to see.” Rover could barely hold in his snickers.

“I...punched her?”

“Wow.” Spike said. “Didn’t know you had it in you, Twilight.”

Rover laughed. “Yeah, ya POPPED her one, right in her face! Knocked a tooth out too!” He laughed even louder. “And to think us dogs found it kinda boring to follow ya to that town. We were not let down, I’ll tell ya what.”

“I...really?” Twilight looked at her hooves, not imagining them to be used for punching someone.

Rover nodded. “You were pretty pi- mad at her.”

“Why would I hit her? A-Am I really that violent here?”

Rover was especially happy to answer this. “You and some of your friends took some lessons with us on using these babies.” Rover pointed at his balled up fist. “I’d say it’s pretty much just as powerful as your magic.”

“But violence isn’t the answer to problems.”

“Oh, Dog, here we go…” Rover planted his elbows on the table and covered his head with his paws, hearing the friendship speeches this mare constantly gave them. “Sparks, when an enemy takes away everything you have besides your fists...or, hooves, in your case, then what are ya gonna use to defeat them?”

Twilight put it bluntly. “My words.”

“And if that doesn't work?”

“Then we use the power of fri-”

“Sparks, the enemy has your friends by their throats, and you think your words are gonna save them? It’s just you who’s facing them, girl, and your friends can’t do anything. When you call for help, no one will come, when you try to talk sense into the enemy, they’ll laugh, when you try your hardest to save the day without those hooves of yours, they’ll make sure it won’t happen and they will push you to the edge until you give them what you want, and you know for sure you don’t want that to happen.”

Rover poured another glass while Twilight tried not to listen to this nonsense. “Sparks, me and my boys got in fights all the time back before all this happened, and there were moments where we needed to solve problems with our fists. Granted, we were together, but sometimes it was just me, and sometimes I had no one with me to help when I was cornered by serpents or caught in the spider's web ...and ya know what I did when I decided enough was enough?” Rover put his fist on the table. “I taught them a lesson on what happens when ya push a pup too far!”

“But friendship always prevails in the end.”

Rover turned to the picture from on his desk, sighing and turning away from it. “Sometimes ya just need to handle problems yourself when no one’s there to help. Magic, power, spells, flying, soaring...Us dogs don’t have any of those things, but if you think us not having those will make us give up...heh, then that enemy’s in for a surprise.” Rover leaned back in his seat. “That’s determination at it’s finest, Sparks.”

Hearing those words finally proved Twilight’s suspicions on this world, that fighting was the only answer left when you had nothing left, and that wasn’t true at all...right? Twilight didn’t even want to think about this anymore, she wanted to move on and bring this conversation to an end, but even after hearing all of this, there was still one more question that was bothering her.

“Wait a sec, what do you do?”

Rover put a paw on his chest. “Me? Psh, hello. I’m the big boss here. I keep this place runnin, run the schedules of every performance, make sure everyone likes everyone. Boss stuff.”

Twilight thought that might be too much for one dog to handle, which made her think of another question that was bothering her from the start. “What about your friends? What do they do?”

“Who? I got a lot of friends, Sparks.”

“I’m talking about those other two dogs, the ones that were also with you all those years ago.”

“You talkin’ about Fido and Spot?” Rover looked at his picture frame and smiled. “They’re here.”

“Where?” Twilight only saw the three of them in this room.

Rover picked up the picture frame and showed it to them. It was a picture of a trio of diamond dogs in a group hug, one of them being Rover. “Right here, right where they’ll always be.”

Twilight could already tell what he meant while Spike had no idea. “We’re not talking about the picture, we’re talking about where they’re really-”

Twilight shoved a hoof in his mouth. “Uh...w-what Spike means to say is that h-he’s sorry to hear that.”

Rover sighed and put the picture back, wishing this part of the past wouldn't be brought up. “It’s fine, Sparks, they’re gone, we moved past it, nothin’ any of us could do. It’s fine.”

Twilight instantly felt bad for him, in the beginning she was completely outraged to see one dog rule over everyone, only to now realize it was just one dog and not three. “Rover, are you sure you're okay ruling like this?”

“Listen, Twi; this is business and we’ve done so much to make sure every creature likes the life they’re in, and any creature that dares to go against us and even thinks about taking out another brother be RIPPED APART!” He snarled before relaxing seconds later. “Now, do you have any other questions? Cause taking a trip down memory lane took a wrong turn to feels town right now.”

Twilight looked at Spike, thinking he had questions of his own, but he just looked back at her, wondering the same thing. “Uh...I-I think we remember everything.” Twilight said, remembering he still thought they were drunk.

“Good to hear, now, since this is outta the way.” Rover stood up and grabbed his glass. “I’ma go get another drink from Jackie.” With that said, he walked passed her and out the door, waving behind him and saying. “See ya soon, Sparks

As the stood continued staying open. Twilight still couldn’t believe what she had heard in these past few minutes. How this whole world could be just as good, if not better, the the one she was at. Spike felt the same way, but had intentions to go back. “So, what are we gonna do now, Twilight?”

Twilight walked behind his desk, seeing the many papers and pens scattered everywhere and the picture of Rover and his pals on the corner. She then turned to the screens, seeing no disasters, no madness, no chaos, no destruction, just a building full of creatures having fun.

“Spike, this place is now ruled by dogs, our friends are working for them, our lives have changed way too much for me to handle, our enemies have been either humiliated, reformed...or worse, and...and…” Twilight looked at her hooves. “I punched that mare with these hooves.”

Spike held up the map. “So, is that a yes we stay here, or a no we go? That rhymed.”

Twilight took one last look at the many screens in front of her, seeing every creature chatting amongst themselves like they were long time friends. She noticed Fluttershy talking with Applejack and Rover by the bar on one camera, on another she saw Pinkie scratching disks, and by the back doors, she saw Rarity and Rainbow Dash standing tall with black suits and sunglasses on, looking tougher than ever. Seeing this whole image permanently drilled into her skull, she breathed in a big sigh and looked back at the only normal friend she had right now.

“Spike, I think you and I both know the answer.”

Author's Note

The answers obvious...I hope.