Clopclopclopclopclopclopclopclop!
Pinkie Pie loved to clop. She clopped all the time, every single day. She clopped when she was bored. She clopped when she was in the road. She clopped when she was alone. She even clopped in front of her friends, who were less than appreciative of the gesture.
Indeed, there weren’t many ponies who put up with Pinkie’s perpetual clopping. The Cakes did, right up until she started clopping around Pound and Pumpkin. They were even less tolerant when her clopping in front of customers started to chase away business from the Sugarcube Corner. The customers themselves got really mad about her clopping, which Pinkie didn’t get. Didn’t everypony clop at least occasionally?
At least there were a few ponies who were willing to put up with her clopping. Big Macintosh still stuck around.
“She’s family, more or less,” he said. “If her own family won’t stand by her, who the hay will?”
Some ponies not only tolerated the clopping, but celebrated it! Vinyl Scratch, for instance, mixed the sound of Pinkie’s clopping into her music, much to the chagrin of everypony else. Photo Finish also came to town. The boldness and defiance of Pinkie’s clopping wherever and whenever she wanted, regardless of how others felt, was a great inspiration for Photo Finish, and even spawned a new fashion line that was in style for a full twenty minutes! That record-long time to hold the fashion world’s sway would not be matched for years to come.
Scientists arrived, hoping to study Pinkie’s clopping habits. If she could be understood, perhaps she could be cured, and ponies with similar compulsions would never again have to live with the shame and ridicule their habit brought them. If nothing else, it was another reason to get some extra research funding.
Finally, however, Twilight had had enough. Pinkie’s clopping had disturbed her too much. Not just emotionally, either. The constant noise had disturbed her reading, disturbed the peace of the library, and even disturbed her sleeping on the night Pinkie had slept over. When Pinkie clopped, it was loud and disruptive, and there was no focusing on anything else.
Twilight and her friends stood outside Sugarcube Corner. She heard hooftsteps. Somepony was approaching the door! Every muscle in Twilight’s legs tensed as she crouched, preparing to leap as soon as she saw that poofy pink mane. Twilight nodded to her friends, who snuck a little closer to the doorway.
On three, she mouthed. One… The doorknob rattled. Two… It slowly turned. Three! The door swung open, just in time for the five friends to pile upon Pinkie.
“We’ve got her!” Twilight cried. “Applejack, quick! Tie her up!”
“Noooo!” Pinkie wailed as her hooves were tied together. “Now I can’t cloppy-clop anymore!”
Rarity put a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. The gesture ended up a bit more awkward than planned, mostly due to Pinkie being trapped on her back instead of upright. “Pinkie, dear. We don’t mean to interfere with your ability to clop. But please, don’t clop in front of us.”
“Why not? Clopping is fun!”
Rarity coughed. “Ahem. Well, yes, it can be. But a proper lady does not go clopping in public. She composes herself with grace, dignity, and above all—” She grabbed Pinkie’s hoof, which had somehow slipped free of its knot. “A lady does. Not. Clop.” Rarity narrowed her eyes at Pinkie, who merely tilted her head. “Ever.”
Pinkie frowned. “But everypony clops sometimes. I’ve even heard you clopping, Rarity!” Pinkie bounced. “Remember? Last week when we were walking?”
“Well, erm, that was… different, Pinkie.” Rarity looked away, choosing to toy with her mane instead. “It was a very stony street.”
Sighing, Twilight wrapped a foreleg around Pinkie. This turned out slightly better than Rarity’s attempt, since Pinkie was now able to stand, even though two of her hooves were still tied. “Pinkie, nopony can avoid clopping. It’s a sound everypony makes when they walk.” She looked at Pinkie, who stared back. “But constant clopping is really annoying. Nopony can focus!”
Pinkie pondered this. She nodded. “Okay, I think I get this! You don’t like my tapping, even though my tapping usually has a beat to it.” Pinkie smiled. “I’ll just stop, then!”
“Oh, thank goodness,” Fluttershy said.
“Buuuuut…” Pinkie’s smile faded as she continued to tap her hoof against her chin. “I really want to learn how to play the drums like my mirror world self! How can I do that if I don’t practice?”
Dash grinned. “I’ve got you covered. My buddy Thunderlane used to be in a band. Only, he realized pretty early on that they all sucked, and that he was the worst of them. So he gave it up.” Flying up to a cloud, Dash returned with part of a drum set. “He played the drums, too. Was so fed up, he offered to give me the whole set for twenty bits. The rest of it’s at home.”
Pinkie’s eyes glowed as she took the drums from Dash. She ran her hooves over the skins.
Twilight smiled. “Well, that’s that problem solved!”
Pinkie slammed the drumsticks against the drums. She mercilessly beat them to what was at least a pretty solid rhythm.
“... And another one created.” Twilight clasped her hooves over her ears. “Ugh. If you need me, I’ll be studying soundproofing techniques.”
It was then that Pinkie Pie began to dance. Most ponies said that she danced to the beat of her own drummer, but nopony had said before that she danced to the beat of her own drumming. In that regard, those ponies were wrong. Pinkie danced and played. She played and danced. She danced and played and played and danced the rest of the day.
…
Back at the treehouse, Twilight slammed the door. She yelled up the stairs. “Spike!”
Spike came running down the stairs. “Yeah, Twilight? Whattaya need?”
Twilight collapsed in her chair. “I need you to write a letter to Princess Celestia.”
“Uh, okay.” Spike pulled a sheet of parchment and a quill from the desk. He dipped the quill in ink. “What should I write?”
“Dear Princess Celestia,” Twilight said. “If you’re already annoyed with your friend’s clopping, don’t help them start banging.”
Author's Note
I am so sorry you had to go through this. I will never do this ever again. Or at least for a few months.
Thanks for reading! Want to let me know how terrible a person I am? Comment below! I promise I'll only cry a little!
