Love Heals

Chapters

Love at First Impact?
Thoughts
A Meeting
Over Time
The Acidic Taste of Love
Life is Ephemeral
A Sparkle of Hope
Redemption
Epilogue

Love at First Impact?

I came into consciousness out of seemingly nothing. I didn't know where I was or what time it was. I tried to open my eyes, but the huge migraine I had prevented the action from coming to fruition. I moved my hooves around beneath me and felt grass. The grass felt dewy, so I assumed it was the early morning since I saw no light through my eyelids.

I tried to stand up, but the immense pain in my head prevented that, too. I had never experienced such a strong migraine. It felt as if my horn was on fire.

I had an idea. I tried using my magic to heal my head, but I couldn’t muster enough magic to do much of anything. I would have to suffer through it.

I lay in the grass for the longest time until I felt the pain receding slightly. I finally opened my eyes and looked around. It was very dark outside, and I was lying in some sort of grass field. I turned to my left and saw the lights of Ponyville nearby. I looked in front of me and saw some sort of box. The lid lay next to it on the ground, and it appeared to be empty. I approached the box and saw that it was some sort of coffin. Strange, nopony had died recently.

I turned back around and saw my imprint in the grass. I walked over to it and felt the wetness once again. It wasn’t just wet, though, it was also sticky. I couldn’t make out the substance in the low light.

My mane suddenly felt bothersome on my neck, so I reached up to brush at it with my dry hoof. Strangely, it felt wet, too. I first thought it was just from the ground, but my entire mane felt wet. I felt my tail to see if it was wet, but it was dry. I was confused.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something glowing. I turned around and saw an extremely bright, reddish light coming from an object in the grass. It almost hurt my eyes to look directly at it. I started walking towards the object, but my legs suddenly felt weak. I tried to continue moving, but my legs gave out completely.

I was still about twenty feet from the object, so I started crawling. For some reason, I really wanted to know what the object was. As I neared the object, my legs began to hurt more and more. About ten feet from the object, they felt like they were being stabbed. At about five feet from the object, it felt like my legs were being amputated. Then the pain spread to all other parts of my body. Arcs of pain shot through my back, and my neck felt like it was being twisted off. I could see part of the outline of the object. It was rather small and seemed roundish.

After five more feet of hell, I finally reached the object. It glowed so brightly that I couldn’t look at it. I turned away from it and lay there while I caught my breath. My body felt like it was being stabbed everywhere. I began to feel something running down my head. The liquid made its way down my forehead, and I closed my eyes. I guessed that it was the liquid running down from my mane, so I stuck out my tongue as it ran down my muzzle. After a few drops landed on my tongue, I retracted the pink, fleshy muscle and tasted the liquid.

It was blood.

Out of nowhere, all the pain in my body ceased. Everything felt normal. I frantically reached a hoof towards my face and wiped the blood from around my eyes. Opening my eyes, I turned towards the object. It had stopped glowing completely. I reached out a hoof and picked it up. Since it was once again very dark, I brought the object close to my bloody face and examined it. It felt hard as I ran a hoof over its conical surface. It had small circular ridges parallel to the circular base that went up the entire surface, and the apex was round. I suddenly realized what it was.

I was holding my horn.

I dropped the horn in front of me. I reached hooves up to my head and felt where my horn should have been, but I felt nothing. I began to panic. My horn had come off, I was lying in a field, and an empty coffin was nearby. Had I died? Was I now a ghost? Nothing made sense.

A bright flash forced me to close my eyes. I opened them slightly and looked down at the horn, which was glowing once again. The glow intensified until it was brighter than before. I tried to close my eyes fully, but they were forced open by an unseen force. As the light burned my retinas, it seemed to become brighter than the sun. The glow went from a red to a pink to a pure white. I was sure somepony would notice the glow and would come help me, but nopony came.

The glow eventually became too intense for my eyes. I went blind. The blackness suddenly rushed in on me like a wave. I could see nothing. No lights, no brightness, nothing. I tried to move, but I had become paralyzed. I felt like a rock.

Out of nowhere, my body started moving. I, however, was not moving. I felt like some sort of horrible marionette. I was put into a standing position. My tail and mane blew behind me and suddenly stopped moving in mid-air.

My eyes were then abruptly forced open. I tried to blink and move my eyes, but was still completely immobile. I was standing in the same field, except it was daytime. I felt slightly taller than usual and realized that I was on some sort of raised platform. I could see row upon row of chairs stretched out to one side of me from the corner of my eye, but there was nopony to be found. I could see something wooden beneath me from the corner of my eyes. My skin felt desiccated and was burning under the hot sun. Although I couldn't blink my eyes, they didn't feel as if they needed moisture. I could feel my horn safely upon my head.

I continued to stare forward. Eventually, a figure came into view from inside Ponyville. It was moving slowly towards me. As it got closer, I could see that it was a pony. The mysterious figure slowly moved closer, and I could tell that it was wearing some sort of cloak. I was beginning to become anxious; I had no idea who the pony was and why it would be coming to see me in my current state. As it came closer, I saw that its legs didn’t appear to be moving, and it appeared to be floating. I started panicking. The figure was finally standing on the ground in front of me. I couldn't make out whether it was a mare or a stallion because its black cloak covered its entire body. The pony began to slowly raise its head. I looked for the distinguishing features of gender on the pony's face but found none. In fact, the pony had no face, head, or body at all. It appeared to just be an anthropomorphic cloak. Frightened, I tried running away but remembered that I couldn't move. The cloak started lifting an empty sleeve towards me. I was helpless as it slowly touched my front right hoof. Instantly, my body expanded, breaking the shell in which it had been encased. I looked around me and saw that I had been covered by stone. Or had I been the stone? Either way, I felt much better than before since I was actually able to move. I started stretching my legs, but when I lifted a hoof to my face, I almost vomited. The hoof had had no skin attached to it. In fact, it had no had no muscle, either. It was just a bone hoof.

Freaking out, I saw that the rest of my leg was also bone. I turned around to look at the rest of my body and saw that it was also bone. I looked down and saw that I was standing on a stone pedestal. I must have been the statue.

Throughout this, the empty cloak simply “stood” there. I looked down at it in complete fear. In a flash of light, the cloak disappeared and left me alone in the field.

I looked around me frantically in my panic, hoping somepony would notice me, but I was still alone. I looked towards the chairs and again noticed the wooden box. Looking down at it, I realized it was a coffin. In fact, it was the same coffin I had seen before. I jumped down from the pedestal, somehow able to move despite being a skeleton. I pushed the top off of the coffin and looked inside.

This time, I actually vomited. All of the vomit landed on my corpse inside the coffin. My horn was still detached from my head. My front legs were crossed, and the horn was poking out from inside of them. I was perfectly clean.

I turned away from the coffin and looked at the chairs. They were all occupied by ponies. All of the ponies were dressed in nice black clothes and were crying. I looked back behind me and saw that the pedestal was occupied by a statue of me.

I turned away from the people, the statue, and Ponyville and began galloping away from the horrid funeral. I didn’t know where I was going, but I kept running. The field seemed to stretch on forever, and I could see no end to the grass, but I kept running.

I began to see a faint purple haze in the distance. I tried to find a way around it, but it seemed to occupy the entire horizon. I ran towards the purple haze and saw it become more pronounced. It appeared to be some sort of purple fog or mist. I ran towards it.

I finally reached the purple haze, my bones somehow starting to hurt. I ran straight into the haze and continued on through it. The haze became darker and denser until it totally obscured my vision. The ground below me stopped feeling like grass and felt more like fabric. My legs suddenly gave out beneath me and I fell onto the fabric. The haze cleared, and I could see where I was.

I was lying in my bed in a cold sweat. My covers were on the floor, and my pillow was on my desk. I looked at my hooves and was relieved to find skin on them. I felt my horn on my head and successfully levitated my pillow back to my bed.

As I fixed the covers, I glanced at the clock. I did a double-take as I realized that it was 9:30. I was supposed to be at the hospital by 9:00. I dropped the covers haphazardly onto the bed and ran out of the bedroom. I grabbed a mint from the kitchen jar as I galloped through and started frantically chewing it. I leapt through the front door and ran down the street.

I'm going to be late! So late! Late, late, late!

I was already galloping as fast as I could, but there was no way I would make it. The hospital was all the way across Ponyville, and I could feel a cramp coming on.

Why can't I just go faster? Should I exercise more?

I turned a corner and almost ran straight into an apple cart. The owner appeared to be pushing it to the market. She had a small filly jumping up and down behind her.

"Ay, watch it!" she yelled, her Southern drawl very apparent in her speech.

"Sorry!" I yelled back, not even turning around to see who it was. I couldn't waste any time.

I was beginning to hyperventilate. My legs weren't meant to run this much, and I could feel pains shooting up the sides of my legs and my flanks. My short, curly, black mane bobbed in the wind, and my tail trailed behind me like a cape.

I rounded another corner, narrowly missing a group of three mares having a conversation about clouds or something. I sidestepped the one on the right and kept moving. I jumped over a crate, sprinted up a hill, and kept running no matter what happened. As I ran, ponies turned to look at me, wondering why I was in such a hurry. I may as well have been running to a meeting with Princess Celestia the way I was galloping.

Almost there! I had just passed the library, so I knew that the hospital was only a few blocks away. I turned another corner, my hooves almost slipping on the asphalt. I closed my eyes for a second, focusing on controlling my breathing. I had heard somewhere that controlled breathing helped with long-distance running, and I needed all the help I could get. I calmed my breathing and opened my eyes, but the force of the impact forced my eyes shut again. I felt the huge impact force, some motion, and then I was on the ground. Surprisingly, I didn't feel very much pain. I guess I just hit the pony the right way.

I had only seen the pony for a split second before colliding into her headfirst. She appeared to be purple, but that was all I'd seen. She was looking for something in her saddlebags and probably didn't even hear me coming.

As I opened my eyes again, I noticed a sharp pain in my horn. Still dazed, I rubbed it with my hoof and looked for any other signs of damage. I was a relatively weak stallion, so even the smallest scrape scared me half to death. Finding nothing, I was about to start galloping off again when I realized I'd come off very rude if I didn't at least apologize to the pony I'd smashed into.

"Hey, are you okay?" I said halfheartedly, hoping that I would still be able to make it to the hospital in time. I looked around to make sure nopony had seen the crash. There wasn't a soul to be seen.

"Yeah, I think so," said a voice underneath me.

I hadn't even bothered to look at who it was. As I looked down at her, my knees instantly went weak from the beauty that was sprawled before me.

Her pink and violet mane was a mess from the impact, and loose strands of it strayed all over her face and the ground. Her small purple horn parted her mane down the middle. Her big purple eyes stared into my brown ones, and I noticed that I had marred the beauty by giving her a black eye. Her tail lay in a heap behind her, and her legs were slightly bruised. There was dust covering her cutie mark, so I couldn't make out what it was. Her delicate muzzle was scrunched up, and she looked in pain.

"Oh my goodness, I'm...I'm so sorry. I just need to...to get to the hostipal...I mean hospital. Oh man, let me help you up." I was blushing, and it only got worse as I helped her up. I brushed off some of the dust on her, and I saw that her cutie mark was some kind of star thing.

She was eying me up and down, and I suddenly felt bashful about my appearance. I had been up all night reading and hadn't bothered to wash up. My ecru coat was dirty, and it paled in comparison to her beautiful light purple coat.

"Let me fix you up," I said, hoping to redeem myself. I concentrated on the unicorn, trying to block out any thoughts other than healing. I could feel the magic flowing through me and into my horn. I could see the red light emanating from the horn, and the purple goddess was enveloped in a red glow. The bruises faded away, the black eye healed, and the various scrapes and scratches all along her body disappeared. I stopped the magic and looked at the mare; she appeared to be perfectly healthy.

"Wow, that was..." the unicorn started.

Before she could finish the statement, I was already galloping off, my whole face red with embarrassment.

Who was that beautiful creature? I thought. Why did I feel so weak before her? I'm usually perfectly fine when talking to mares, but there's just something about that purple pony that make me feel... I paused my thoughts for a second. Could I be in love?

I stopped dead in my tracks. Then my cynical side kicked in. Nah. Love like that only happens in movies. It's classic: two people bump into each other in the street and instantly fall in love. I'm making something out of nothing. Besides, I'm too young to be in love, and I need to focus on my studies.

I started galloping at full speed again, trying not to think about the filly, but I couldn't help it. She just kept wandering into my thoughts.

Even if I did like her, she would never return the feeling; I committed a pretty bad faux pas back there and I doubt she'll soon forget it . It's best that I just put her out of my thoughts completely.

I finally reached the hospital, panting and covered in sweat. I burst through the door and was greeted by the receptionist. "I'm here for my internship under Dr. Scalpel. Sorry if I'm late," I gasped out between breaths.

"Honey," said the concerned looking mare, "you don't work today."

At that, I collapsed on the floor.

Thoughts

I stood in the operating room wearing my face mask and surgery clothes. My front two hooves were covered by gloves. Dr. Scalpel was fully dressed in surgery clothes and was examining the pony on the operating table. Many other doctors were also surrounding the table. Scalpel began to draw some preliminary lines with a marker on the patient's chest about where the appendix is located. Hopefully, Scalpel would be able to quickly cut open the pony, remove the appendix, and close the pony back up.

I stared at the pony on the table. She had a very light bluish-green coat and a very pale blue with some white streaks. I could see that the corner of her cutie mark was gold, but I could make out no other traits about her because of the tarps covering her up.

Scalpel made a small incision in the pony's lower abdomen. He then asked me for the towel to clean up some of the resulting blood. I levitated him the towel and took it back when he was finished. The whole operation was very routine, and I had helped with appendectomies many times in the past. Luckily, I had become used to the patterns of the operating room and didn't need to think about what I did, so I was able to spend most of the operation thinking about the purple mare.

No matter how much I tried to forget about the pony, she kept appearing in my thoughts. I knew that I had seen her somewhere before, but I could neither remember where I'd seen her nor what her name was. Either way, her image was still vivid in my head even after three days. Her beautiful purple mane, her perfect figure, and her unblemished face would never leave my thoughts for long.

"Scissors, please," said Scalpel, his voice suppressed by my thoughts. I levitated him the scissors without thinking about it, and then went back to thinking about the color purple.

Her beauty was unmatched by anything I had ever seen. I had seen models in magazines, but she was more beautiful than any of them. Her simplistic beauty didn't need makeup.

What am I thinking? Ugh, I need to stop thinking about this mare! I tried to concentrate on the operation. I saw Scalpel cutting the appendix out of the patient's torso. As I observed, I saw something deep violet in the collage of organs. Oh, screw it. The rest of the operation had a deep purple hue to it.

I was sprawled on my bed at home after the successful operation. I was still trying to find my way out of the maze of purple, but it seemed that the labyrinth had no exit. I was drowning in a purple ocean of sentiments, and my lifesaver had just popped.

Realizing that there was no salvation, I thought about accepting the fact that I was in a hopeless one-way relationship. It happened to other ponies, so why couldn't it happen to me? It made sense that the only possible joy in my life would be on the other side of a pane of one-way glass, that the love of my life would be on a mountain and I in a plain, that my heart would have a permanent hole.

My stress began to get the better of me. I felt a "moment" coming on. My body writhed in pain, my eyes darted left and right, and my legs flailed wildly in the air. I jerked my head back and forth as my mind was assaulted by memories of my parents. I could see them playing with me in the fields, tucking me in at night, showing me their undivided and eternal love. I could see my mother coughing in bed with a case of pony pox. I tried to help her, but I was still ignorant about the ways of healing. My father caught the pox later that week, and I was charged with bringing them food and helping them throughout the day. I could see my parents slowly withering away from the mutated strain of the virus. I saw countless doctors examining them and prescribing them pills for the symptoms. Finally, I saw my mother breathe her last breath, her whole body covered in small lumps. My father died later that day from a combination of the pony pox and stress. I saw the pain I felt for months, and I saw the eventual callous that formed over the wound. I saw my first "moment", and I saw the doctor telling me that the stress-related incidents are incurable and will persist forever. I saw myself at the library buying a book on medicine. I saw myself studying healing and helping small animals recover from minor injuries. I saw myself healing a wounded filly on the street, and I saw my subsequent cutie mark, the Rod of Asclepius. I saw a montage of scenes from my life until my memory sat on the incident with the purple mare. Finally, I was jerked back to reality. I lay on the floor drenched in sweat. The moment ended. The callous hardened once again.

A Meeting

I woke up in my bed the next morning very tired and irate. I had crawled back into bed after my "moment" the night before and had gone straight to sleep. My thoughts through the night were, of course, all about the purple mare. In my dreams I knew her name, but I couldn't remember what it was when I woke up.

I went through my day normally. I made myself some simple breakfast, went for a walk around the town, and went to the hospital for my internship. No matter what I was doing, the purple mare kept cropping up in my thoughts. After internship I headed over to Sugarcube Corner to meet my friend Leaf. We grabbed a bite to eat, chatted for a bit, and then went our separate ways. I don't remember much of the conversation, though, because I zoned out after about five minutes.

By the end of the day, I was completely purpled out. Purple purple purple. Everywhere I looked I saw the pony. Anything purple brought her image into my head, and Ponyville definitely has its share of purple things. I went to sleep and dreamed about her again. It was a nice dream where she and I became co-rulers of Equestria. The dream ended in a kiss, as it always did and I was jolted out of my dream in the middle of the night by me falling out of bed. Finally, I decided that enough was enough. I had to meet up with the purple mare.

I got up early the next morning and scarfed down breakfast. I ran to the bathroom and washed myself until I thought soap was seeping into my skin. I brushed my mane and tail, smoothed down my coat, and practically dumped a bottle of cologne all over my body. I brushed my teeth, flossed my teeth, used mouthwash, and repeated three times. Finally, when I thought I looked presentable, I left the house. It was only nine in the morning, and I didn't have any hospital duty today, so I had plenty of time to find the purple mystery.

I started searching around the area where I had hit her before, hoping she frequented that part of the town. When I didn't see her, I kept searching. I tried thinking about places she could be, but I knew nothing about her except what she looked like. I searched for hours, walking along every single street in Ponyville. Right as I was about to give up hope, I saw a poster for the library on a wall. It had a picture of my purple love sitting down reading a book. She looked great in her glasses, by the way. Thinking I could find her at the library, I galloped as fast as I could to the library and substituted knocking for crashing into the front door. I stood there eagerly, smoothing my mane and making sure I looked shipshape.

The door began to open, and I looked straight ahead for the mare. Although the door was opened by purple, it wasn't the purple I was looking for.

"Hello, how may I help you?" said the small dragon that was staring up at me.

Oh man, I didn't plan for this! What do I do, what do I do?! My thoughts raced through my head, trying to think of a good way to explain why exactly I was at the library. I didn't know the pony's name and had no idea if she was even at the library. I looked around the library through the door to see if any hints of the mare's presence could be found. I saw nothing. I could see the dragon's face reflecting his confusion.

"If you're looking for Twilight, she's over at Sweet Apple Acres with the others," the dragon said, still looking rather confused.

Unsure of how to handle the situation, it took me a few seconds to realize that the dragon has just told me the mare's name. Twilight, I thought, a beautiful name for a beautiful being. I also realized why I felt like I already knew Twilight; I had seen her and her friends many times before but had never actually talked to them. I had heard about their amazing deeds such as saving Ponyville or saving the world, but I didn't usually go to the awards ceremonies. I knew that Twilight had five friends and that the six mares represented the Elements of Harmony. Other than that, my image of the Mane 6, as they are called, was pretty fuzzy. Quickly thanking the dragon, I turned around, almost tripped, and bolted off to Sweet Apple Acres.

As I ran for my life, I planned our conversation out in my head. Okay, so I'm going to nonchalantly saunter over to the farm and walk over to the mare that works on the farm. I think her name is...um...Applebuck? Maybe, I don't know. I'll walk over to her and pretend to just notice Twilight. I'll turn to her, ask her if she remembers me, and say that I want to introduce myself. Yeah, that should work. We'll have a nice chat, she'll fall in love, and we'll have three kids. Perfect.

I was closing in on the farm and could feel my blood pressure rising. I pushed off all notions of failure and ignored the rising stress levels I felt. I couldn't see anypony on the farm, so I decided that it was a good time to put on my false character. I slowed down, smoothed my mane, and tried to put on a confident gait. It ended up looking like I was limping, so I resumed my normal stride. I looked around for a sign of life, but I found none. I decided to just hang around the farm until somepony showed up. I stood in front of the barn and started waiting. I started shifting my weight nervously from hoof to hoof until my ankles started to hurt. I sat down and watched a ladybug make its way across the ground.

I must have dozed off for a few minutes because I was suddenly jolted back to reality by a huge explosion. The earth beneath me shook, birds flew from trees, and something fell off of the barn from the shock wave. I curled up into a ball and prayed that nuclear war hadn't started. Out of nowhere, a rainbow formed in the sky. The rainbow radiated outwards in a circle and spread across all of Ponyville. The sheer beauty of the situation shocked me, and I stood up, still shaking. I walked around the barn and looked for the source of the explosion. To my surprise, it appeared that the rainbow pegasus pony in the Mane 6, Rainbow Flash, has set off the explosion somehow. I could see the rest of the mares cheering for her as she made her descent. One of the mares looked in my direction, so I jumped behind the barn and tried not to make noise. I lay on the ground, completely silent, running over my plan in my head. I stood up, dusted myself off, hoped for the best, and walked out from behind the barn.

The mares apparently didn't notice me and were chatting up a storm. Feeling slightly out of place, I slowly made my way about 50 meters to where the group was standing. I picked out the mare that worked on the farm and walked over to talk to her. She turned to me, and her face suddenly looked irritated.

"Ay, yer that pony that almost went and ran me flat over the other day!" she said, staring straight at me.

"Yeah, um, sorry about that. I was just in a hurry to get somewhere and I wasn't, um, paying attention to anything really. Umm....yep." I tried to respond to the mare's question without sounding stupid, but I failed miserably. Not expecting to actually have to talk to Applebuck much, I continued with the plan by trying to pretend to notice Twilight. "But, um...hey, you're that other pony I ran into that day, right?" I failed at that miserably, too. I felt my stress levels increase a bit and felt a bead of sweat roll down my neck.

"Jeez, you were crashing up a storm, weren't you, Mr. Clumsy?" said Rainbow Flash rather condescendingly.

"Yeah, I guess I was. Umm..." I was freaking out on the inside. Oh man, this isn't working! I look like a total idiot! I tried to look calm, but my facade was transparent. The ponies began to look at me strangely.

"Umm, are you okay, darling?" asked the white pony. I tried to regain composure, but failing appeared to be my strength. This can't possibly get any worse! Unfortunately, I was wrong. My knees suddenly buckled and I fell to the ground. My legs jerked around, my body seized, and I blacked out.

I woke up in laying in a hospital bed. I could hear a heart monitor beeping somewhere nearby, and it felt like I was trying to move two adult dragons as I tried to open my eyes. When I finally forced my eyes open, I wanted to be anywhere but the hospital. The Mane 6 were all standing over me and observing me.

"He seems alright," said the white mare.

"Well, you can never be too sure, Rarity," said Twilight. Her voice resonated deep in my heart and I was calmed slightly.

"Do you think a party would cheer him up?!" said the pink mare. She grabbed a handful of confetti from nowhere and dumped it on my face. I sat up and started wiping my face with my hooves. I spat out a few pieces of confetti, looked around, and blushed. My embarrassment level was so high that Luna could've climbed from the moon with it.

"Are you okay, sir? You had a pretty bad seizure earlier and we were all pretty worried." Twilight was looking into my face smiling. I looked at her, blushed even more, and looked down. I calmed myself and started to speak.

"I'm really, really sorry about putting you guys through this. I was trying to talk to you guys, but I'm not exactly the best at talking to new people. When I get too stressed, I have 'moments'; they're pretty common and aren't really too dangerous. Even so, thanks so much for bringing me here." I looked up to see the mares' reactions. They all wore looks of concern. "I came to you guys to talk to Twilight. I talked to her a bit the other day, but I never formally introduced myself." I said all of this while looking at Twilight, trying to sound at least slightly competent. "My name is Red."

"Hello, Red. You seem to already know who I am, so I don't think I need to introduce myself." Twilight stared deep into my eyes and smiled.

"What a silly name!" exclaimed the pink mare in the bunch. Rainbow Flash quickly shoved a hoof in her mouth and told her to be nice. When the hoof was removed, the pink mare continued talking. "I mean, why is your name Red if you're brown! My name is Pinkie Pie because I'm pink, and Rainbow Dash is rainbowy, but you're brown!" Pinkie Pie seemed to be very amused by my name. She started laughing uncontrollably and fell on the floor.

"Well, uh, my parents named me Red because, well, they wanted me to be a doctor, and I guess they wanted to name me after the color of blood. Plus, my magic is red, so it kind of fits I guess." Still feeling very uncomfortable, I shifted my gaze around the group.

"That reminds me, I wanted to ask you a question the other day," Twilight said. "How did you do that healing magic you used on me? I've tried healing multiple times, but I could never do it as well as you did."

I looked up at her, surprised at her question. "I have a natural talent for healing people. I have some books that I read to help me with it when I was younger, but I have always been good at healing. That's why I'm, umm, working as an intern here at the hospital." There was a pause.

"Well, since you're fine, we'll just leave now." Rainbow Dash seemed very uncomfortable and rushed her speech. She started to slowly fly away.

"Hold on, Rainbow Dash. We can't come off as rude to him, now can we?" said Rarity. "Would you like to come with us? We're all going to get something to eat."

I really didn't want to embarrass myself more, so I started by saying, "Well, I don't know..." However, I was interrupted by Pinkie Pie jumping up and down.

"Oh, you just have to come! I just love hanging out with new friends!" She looked at me eagerly.

Not seeing a way to refuse the offer, I reluctantly agreed. Pinkie responded to this by dumping even more confetti in my face. Everypony laughed, and we set off to get some food.

Over Time

After I checked out of the hospital, the Mane 6 and I started walking over to a small restaurant where we would grab a bite to eat. Since I was still never formally introduced to the rest of the Mane 6, most of the walk to the restaurant was introductions. I told them a bit more about myself, but I kept out any information about my parents. I got to know a bit more about their personalities, such as Rainbow Dash's competitiveness and Rarity's tendency to get stressed out. The entire time, however, I was still thinking about Twilight.

When we finally made it to the restaurant, everyone was pretty hungry. The only empty spot in the whole building was a window booth. We all crammed into it and I managed to get a seat next to Twilight. The waitress brought our drinks, and, since it was an abnormally hot day, we all downed our glasses in ten seconds flat. We continued talking until the main courses arrived. We didn't have enough room on the table for all of the plates, so we ended up putting multiple foods onto one plate. We all ate our meals almost silently and about as quickly as possible. When everyone started eating the side of hay fries, Pinkie decided to stick some in her nose. We all giggled and followed suit. I turned to look at Twilight and realized that she still looked beautiful with hay fries in her nostrils. When the waitress brought dessert, Applejack accidentally spilled some ice cream on Rarity. Rarity retaliated, and a full fledged food war resulted.

Covered in ice cream and with lit up faces, we all left the restaurant after the manager had to step in. Fluttershy had ice cream up her nose, Rainbow Dash had chocolate chips in her mane, and Applejack had to carry her hat because it was full of chocolate syrup. Twilight looked at me during the walk and started laughing.

"What's the matter?" I asked, hoping I didn't look too silly with ice cream on my face.

"You have a little something on your face," she said. "Let me get it for you." She licked her hoof and wiped the top of my muzzle. My blush must have been visible because she started snickering. We continued walking until we reached a midway point and realized that we should all probably go home. We each went our separate ways to wash up and relax before hitting the hay. When I got into my house, I slammed the door, locked it, and let out a noise that kind of sounded like "Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeohmygoshohmygoshohmygosheeeeeeeeeee!" I went to sleep that night happier than I had been in years.

Over the next few months, the Mane 6 and I hung out more and more. We became close, I learned all of the strengths and faults of the mares, they learned of my issues, and nopony cared that I was hanging out with six females. Whenever a mission required the Mane 6, I tagged along as the resident First Aid officer. I almost never had to heal anypony, but going along meant everything to me. Eventually, I was basically added to the group. Whenever the Mane 6 were recognized for saving the town, I was included. I became more popular throughout the town and felt better about myself. Although I could never represent an Element of Harmony, we all joked that I was the element of Recovery.

Throughout those months, my love for Twilight only increased. Whenever I hung out with the mares, I would always drift towards Twilight. If multiple ponies were hurt, I always tended to Twilight first no matter what. I wasn't sure if the other ponies noticed, but I wouldn't have cared either way.

I got to spend a lot of time with Twilight during our sessions. Early on, Twilight found a book that showed ways to reduce stress. Every other day for three weeks, I went to the library and Twilight and I practiced stress relief. Whenever I would feel a "moment" coming, I would perform a stress relief procedure and would almost always be able to stop the "moment."

I could never be sure how Twilight felt about me. I never tried to go further than hugging, and even that was a rarity. Sometimes she would treat me as a friend, and sometimes she would treat me like a husband. I could never be sure. One day, she came to my house and just broke down crying. She lay on the floor and tears gushed from her eyes in a fountain. She told me that she just got into a big fight with Spike and he'd stormed off. We performed some stress relief exercises and I let her open up to me. After about an hour of tearful conversation, she told me that I was the only stallion she could really open up to. I wasn't sure if this meant that she liked me or not. Another time, Pinkie held a party for a new unicorn in town. We all attended it, of course, and Twilight went a little too hard on the cider. She leaned in real close to me, told me she loved me, kissed me, and passed out. She had no memory of the incident, but it was the only thing I dreamed about for the next weak and a half.

It had been almost six months since I had met the Mane 6. I was now a complete member of the group. Everypony in Equestria and tons of ponies on other cities knew of me. I was also nearing the end of my internship and the hospital was eager to have me as part of the team. Ponies called me "the best healer in generations." I didn't believe them, but everypony else did. People flocked to me to receive "the blessed touch of Red's horn." I was even flown out to Manehattan to help cure sick ponies when hospitals filled up with sufferers of pony flu.

I was living a great lifestyle. The only thing missing from my life was my love. I had become even more obsessed with Twilight over the past month or so. I began drawing pictures of her, writing poems about her, then burning all of them. I wrote a full fledged story where she and I fell in deep cliche love. I took care of the story in a special way: I ate it. I was a complete Twi-maniac, a Twi-holic.

I would have dreams about Twilight every single night. Whenever I had a nightmare, it was always about Twilight somehow getting hurt. She would become deathly ill or lose her hind legs, and I would always heal her to perfection. One night I had an actual nightmare where Twilight died. I confronted Death to get her back. He told me to keep walking forward until I got home and Twilight's soul would follow me. If I turned around, she would disappear. I was almost home when I began to suspect trickery. I turned around just in time to see Twilight's soul disappear. I woke up in the middle of the night and cried for two hours before falling back asleep in a pool of tears. I was a closet Twi-phile: I never talked about my obsession with anypony. I made sure that the ashes of my pencil Twilights were gone with the wind as soon as possible so nopony would ever find out.

Eventually, my delusions of everlasting love got the best of me. I decided, once again, that enough was enough. I was great friends with Twilight and we had been getting closer over the past six month. I finally decided to make it official.

The Acidic Taste of Love

I was standing in front of the library, trying to calm my nerves. I hadn't dolled myself up like I had before my first meeting with Twilight, but I had definitely made myself look decent. I started slowly walking up to the door, rehearsing the lines in my head for the millionth time. Hello, Twilight, I would like to speak with you. Don't worry, nothing's wrong. It's just that, over the past few months, we've been getting to know each pretty well. I'm not sure how you feel about our relationship, but I would like to take it to the next level. Will you join me in a platonic relationship? I was ready. I walked up to the door, knocked, and waited. I was slightly surprised when Twilight answered the door. Usually, I had to go through Spike before talking to Twilight.

"Oh hey, Red. Come on in, I was just making tea." She grinned at me and ushered me through the doorway. I walked through and saw that she had a kettle of tea cooling down on a table. I sat down and waited for her to do the same. She brought with her two cups of tea that she set down on the table. I took mine and got ready to drop the bomb.

Okay, now I just need to execute my perfectly formed plan just the way I've practiced a thousand times. I ran through the lines in my head again, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, stood on the stool, and tied the noose around my neck.

"I love you." I jumped off of the stool. As I dangled limply from the metaphorical fan, I saw Twilight's eyes widen. She took a big sip of her tea, looked at me, and responded with a hearty "What the buck are you talking about?"

"I love you," I repeated. Bit, bit, bit, bit, I really bucked this up! Oh Celestia, oh Celestia, bit, bit, bit, buck! I just sat there numbly as Twilight appeared to mull over the statement. She took another sip of her tea and just stared at me. She started to say something, but nothing came out of her mouth. She just stared at me. I felt like an attraction in a museum. She started looking at me from different angles, walking around the table, pacing, then sat back down.

After about fifteen minutes of unadulterated awkwardness, I asked her how she felt. She said she felt nothing at the moment. I felt tension building up. I felt ready to explode from the pressure of the situation. I needed to know. I let her pace for another ten minutes before asking if she could tell me what she was thinking. She sat down, finished her tea, took a deep breath, and stabbed me in the heart.

"I've been thinking about how to break the news to you. I guess a blunt, crude sword is better at reducing pain than a sharp, perfected sword." She took a deep breath. "I don't love you. We're just friends. I'm sorry."

My world crashed around me. Colors faded, light faded, reality faded, and I fell. I would never stop falling. Never. I was on a thin road surrounded by void and a monster was chasing me. I couldn't escape reality. In my dreams, I could just wake up. I tried slapping myself with my hoof to wake up, but it didn't work. I wanted to die. I didn't want to exist. I wanted to stop my life before it began. My heart broke, fixed itself, then exploded. Twice. My brain stopped working, neurons stopped firing, my diaphragm stopped moving, time stopped. I died inside ten million times over. I felt I had been before a firing squad for eternity and they had just shot me. Everything was cold. Love never existed, it was just an illusion. Everything was an illusion. Life sucked, and that was that. Pain and suffering were the nobility of the universe, and they quelled every rebellion that love and joy could ever create. Everything went fuzzy, I understood everything, I understood nothing, and I hated everything.

I left the library in a slight daze. I don't know what Twilight said after the few words that pierced my abdominal cavity and punctured my heart and I didn't care. I didn't really care about anything at that moment. I bumped into at least five ponies on my trek home. It felt like I was being persecuted every time I tried to move my legs. My hooves hit the ground hard and the force shook my jaw. My eyes were glassy and I didn't blink. Blinking creates moisture, but my eyes had plenty of it by that time. I reached the door of my house, opened it, closed it, locked it, and descended into hysteria.

I wasn't sure how long I had been crying. I had just been laying on the ground in front of the door. Water had soaked into the carpet and my face felt sticky from the dried tears. I felt like sadness and darkness were enveloping me. I wished I was dead.

Why didn't Twilight like me?

Was it my looks?

Oh Celestia, I'm hideous!

I ran to the bathroom. I grabbed scissors and made myself beautiful. Black hair fell into the sink. I looked up and felt a little better. My mane was now much shorter in some places than others. Perfect. I shaved off half of my tail before throwing the scissors across the room and collapsing again. Darkness seeped in from under the door and lifted me up. I saw bliss above me and reached for it. Then I fell.

I must be perfect for Twilight! That's why she hates me. She wishes I were dead. She doesn't like me. I'm worthless. The world laughing at me and I have nopony to love.

I grabbed my toothbrush and shoved it down my throat. I hit my uvula and vomited all over the sink. My tongue burned, but I felt better. I vomited again. It felt like I was throwing up unripe lemons. I loved it. Vomited again. Again. I could no longer see my reflection in the mirror from all the vomit covering it. I had to cleanse myself of the ugly to make her love me.

I grabbed my razor and sliced part of my flank. Blood spurted everywhere. The pain felt delicious. I forced magic through my horn and healed the wound. Then I cut myself again, purging myself of the evil. I healed myself, cut myself again, and healed it.

I was still ugly. I needed to die. I was so ugly. So unlovable. Imperfect. I felt a "moment" coming on. I dropped to the floor, slicing my chin from the razor on the way down.

I woke up later, unsure of the time that had passed. The floor was covered in blood from my chin. I healed myself and felt a little better. Then sadness ripped off all of my callouses and invaded the open wounds. I cried, then laughed, then cried again. I went crazy and became sane again. I could make sense of nothing. I kicked the door and punched the mirror. The glass cracked everywhere and made me look better.

I smashed my face into the side of the wall repeatedly. A small dent formed and I could feel blood dripping from my muzzle. I decided not to heal myself that time. I filled the sink with water and let the blood drip into the pool. When the water became red enough, I bent down and lapped it up, catching some new blood from my nose. Then I vomited again. It felt deliciously great. Love sucked, and that was that. I cut my flank and healed it. I vomited again. My esophagus burned from all of the acid and my stomach felt empty. I didn't give up. I kept trying to vomit. I ended up gagging up air into the bathroom until I collapsed into another "moment."

I woke up on the floor after another two hours. The "moment" had been the most horrific in my life. I gave up. I just sat on the floor and gave up. Twilight would never love me, and I had to accept that fact.

I was snapped back into reality by a knock at the door. It was Rarity. She yelled that they were going to take down a dangerous dragon that was causing trouble nearby. She asked if I wanted to come. Only then did I realize that it was still only about four in the afternoon. I didn't make a sound and waited for her to leave before I moved. I cleaned up the bathroom, threw away the glass shards from the mirror, and healed myself completely. I pitifully dragged myself into bed, turned off the lights, and passed out. I didn't dream at all.

I was jolted awake by the sound of frantic knocking at my front door. I looked at the clock and realized that it was only about seven at night. I'd only slept for three hours. I really didn't want to answer the door, but the knocking sounded urgent. I heard voices frantically calling my name, and I realized that the entire Mane 6 was trying to burst down my door...except for Twilight.

I slowly got out of bed, still coming out of my psychosis. I took my time getting to the door. I closed the bathroom door on my way there. I would fix that mess later. I finally reached the door. I turned the knob, opened the door, and was tackled by five of the Mane 6 and Spike.

"Jeez guys, what is so important that you need to bust down my door to tell me?" I was clearly angry and I really didn't want to talk to anypony.

"It's Twilight!" said Rainbow Dash. Her voice radiated urgency and fear. "She's in the hospital! She's in critical condition!"

Life is Ephemeral

The seven of us were galloping or flying at full speed to the hospital. Rainbow Dash made it first and found us Twilight's room in advance. The rest of us burst through the doors and followed Dash into the elevator. In seconds we were racing down the Intensive Care corridor to Twilight's room. We burst into the room and ended up bursting into tears.

The sight was almost too much to bear. Twilight had broken three of her legs and her neck. Her eyes were both blackened. Her mane and tale were almost completely burnt off, and she had patches of raw burnt skin here and there. Needles and tubes sprouted out of her body like tentacles, and an electrocardiograph was blipping away next to the bed. She looked moments away from death.

My vision blurred with tears, I managed to somehow choke out a question. "What happened?" The response took at least fifteen minutes total, was spoken by all six others, and was interrupted by sobs. The Mane 6 had gone to take down the dragon. After the dragon refused to cooperate, Twilight suggested that she could try a new spell that freezes people. However, Twilight had to be face to face with the dragon for the spell to work. Rainbow Dash carried her up while the other ponies distracted the dragon. When Twilight started the spell, the dragon turned around and spewed fire at her. Rainbow Dash accidentally let go of her and she fell about six stories onto rocks. The dragon, in a final show of dominance, had spewed more fire at Twilight before flying away into the distance. Since I wasn't there to help, they had to wait for almost twenty minutes for a helicopter to arrive. Rainbow Dash had performed CPR on Twilight for the whole twenty minutes.

I suddenly realized that this was all my fault. If I had gone with the group, I could've healed Twilight faster, and her injuries maybe wouldn't be as bad. I hated myself for overreacting to rejection. If I had just gone with the group, Twilight wouldn't be at Death's doorstep. Twilight wouldn't be walking over life's horizon. Twilight would be okay. But she wasn't, and it was my fault. I felt stress building up.

I knew I had to save Twilight. I just knew it. I bolted out of the room, still teary eyed, and found Twilight's doctor. He obviously knew me, so they were surprised to see me so weak.

"Hello, doctor," I choked out, "I'm not sure if you're aware, but Twilight Sparkle is in critical condition and needs immediate help."

"Yes, I'm aware of this," said the doctor. "However, there are other patients in need if you're not aware. I will be helping Twilight very soon, rest assured. Don't worry, she'll be fine. She's just a little scratched up."

I could tell that he didn't quite grasp the gravity of the situation. If Twilight wasn't okay, the element of Magic would be lost, and Equestria would be unprotected from future attacks.

"Well, since you aren't going to help her, do I have permission to try and help her? I have healing magic and work as an intern here." I looked into the doctor's eyes, hoping to Celestia that he would allow me to help Twilight in some way.

"I'm very sorry, but you have not yet completed your internship, so you will have to wait until a doctor comes to help Twilight. I understand your concern..."

"No, you obviously do not understand my concern!" I was becoming livid. Doctors were supposed to help patients in need, and this doctor clearly had nowhere important to be. "Just let me heal Twilight. There's no possible way I could make the situation any worse." I felt stress building up.

"I'm very sorry, but I cannot allow you to do that."

"Well, I don't need your permission, then! I'm not going to let Twilight die."

I bolted back down the hallway, the doctor chasing after me. I opened the door and told the others to hold it shut. Unsure of why we were blockading the room, they all dragged themselves over to the door. The doctor, along with some security guards, rammed into the door, trying to open it, but the mares held them back.

I stood next to Twilight, focusing on her. She had so many wounds that it would take a lot of magic to heal her. I concentrated, thinking about all of the good times we had had together. I hoped that healing her would make her love me like in movies. I tried to block out all negativity, but some seeped through. I thought about Twilight dying if I failed. I thought about my weakness just hours earlier. I felt my stress levels heightening. I took deep breaths to calm myself. It started to work. I forced magic into my horn and started to see Twilight glowing red.

Suddenly, a crash resonated through the room. The doctor and security guards had broken through the blockade and were coming towards me. I kept going. I saw one of her legs mend itself. Another. Then a security guard grabbed me and my focus was broken. The spell, incomplete, reversed itself and broke both legs again, worse than before. Blood soaked the sheets, and I felt weak. My knees stopped working, I collapsed, and entered a "moment." Just before losing consciousness, I heard a flatline coming from the electrocardiograph. She was gone.

I awoke from the "moment" just minutes after it started. Everypony was completely still. The flatline was still going, and Twilight was surely dead. I didn't know what to think, so I thought nothing. My mind was a blank slate. I pushed back tears and remained emotionless like everypony else. We simply sat there for a few minutes until the doctor and guards awkwardly shuffled out of the room.

It took about a half hour for Rainbow Dash to choke out, "Well, I guess that's it then. She's gone." She lay down flat on the linoleum floor and started silently sobbing. Nopony else did anything.

After another ten minutes or so, Applejack left the room silently. Rarity and Spike left after another five minutes, and Fluttershy after five more. Pinkie Pie just sat on the ground, her color faded and her hair flat. She, Rainbow Dash, and I stayed in the room until a nurse came by to shut off the machines. She offered her condolences, but nopony heard her.

When all the equipment was wheeled out of the room, Pinkie Pie stood up stiffly and walked out, her movements very mechanical. I stayed in the room with Rainbow Dash for at least another hour, not really thinking about anything for the entire time. I finally realized that Twilight had passed on about three hours after she entered Death's realm. Still in the denial stage, I stood up and started shaking Twilight. I whispered her name into her ear, hoping for a response. When I got none, I started lightly shaking her. No response. I was violently shaking her and yelling her name, trying to wake her up, but nothing happened. Tears streamed from my eyes and wet the dead face. I started screaming, frantically trying to bring her back. Finally, I gave up and fell back onto the floor, sobbing loudly. When I realized that the last time I had seen her I had proclaimed my love and simply left after being rejected, I wailed even more.

Rainbow Dash was still sprawled on the floor weeping. She was still there when I left the room in a fit. After all, she is the element of Loyalty.

I woke up the next morning on the floor of the library. Open books were scattered around the room, and I could barely open my eyes. I couldn't stop reading. I needed to read to stay sane. Without books, I would lose my mind. I couldn't handle losing another pony. It was just much.

Spike had been up in his room the entire time I read, apparently indifferent about my presence. He'd simply shuffled downstairs the night before, acknowledged my presence, and gone back upstairs.

I levitated another book from the shelf. It had something to do with rare flowers. I read about fifteen pages of it before throwing it across the room. I cried for a few minutes, then regained my composure and continued to read. I picked a book on the stars, looked at some pictures, and pitched it.

It's all your fault.

No, it's not.

She's dead because of you!

Keep reading.

I continued this vicious cycle for the next few hours, staying on the borderline of sanity throughout the ordeal. Around noon, I decided to get something to eat. I walked about as slowly as possible to the nearest fast food joint, hanging my head as I walked. I saw people turn and look at me as I walked. I heard rumors being whispered. Apparently, Dash was still in the hospital. This persisted until I reached the fast food place. I ordered a medium salad to go and waited while it was prepared. The lady at the desk handed me the salad, gave me a look of concern, offered her condolences, and said the meal was free. I thanked her and left.

I returned to the library and continued reading. I never really ate the salad, but knowing that food was available comforted me. I would look over at it from time to time and consider eating it, but I didn't the salad to start a chain of binge eating from my depression.

Books were my only comfort. Nopony came to the library as most ponies in Ponyville already knew of Twilight's death. By this time, the news was beginning to spread to other towns. About midday, Spike threw a recently received scroll down the staircase. It was a tear-stained letter from Celestia offering commiseration for Twilight's passing. I crumpled up the scroll and threw it behind me before I finished reading it. I needed to read something else to stay sane.

It's your fault!

No, it's not!

You killed Twilight Sparkle. You could've saved her, but you didn't.

I was beginning to cry now. I collapsed on the floor and just cried. No "moment," no passing out, just tears. I wept until it felt like I'd run out of tears, and then I continued to weep. It was too much. Twilight couldn't be gone, she just couldn't be.

It had been about a week since Twilight left the world. The funeral was the next day, and the funeral had to be held in an open field because of the sheer number of people attending. Obviously, the Mane 5, Spike, Twilight's family, Princesses Celestia and Luna, and I would be in the front row, but ponies would be standing almost a mile away to witness this. All words spoken would be spoken into a microphone attached to a huge speaker system so everypony could hear every word. Other funerals had even been put on hold so that people could come to grieve over the death of the element of Magic.

When the funeral started, everypony tried to keep their cool. Twilight's parents, Shining Armor, and Cadance wept through the entire service, but they were the only ones crying for a large part of the funeral. Everypony else started crying around the same time about halfway through the funeral. I don't remember what prompted the sudden explosion of tears, but whatever the announcer said must've been pretty depressing. People of all ages, backgrounds, and from all areas of Equestria were crying over the loss of Twilight.

After about two hours, the Equestrian tradition of letting family and close friends speak about the deceased started. Each person in the front row went up to say something special about Twilight. Twilight's parents, of course, talked about Twilight's birth and childhood up until magic school. Princess Celestia talked about Twilight as a pupil, and Princess Luna talked about Twilight sticking up for her when nopony else did. Shining Armor and Cadance were too unstable to go up alone, so they went up together, taking turns talking about Twilight as a friend and sister between fits of sobbing. Spike talked about how Twilight was like a sister to him. The Mane 5 all went up and talked about how Twilight had helped them in the past, how Twilight was an amazing friend, and how the group would never be the same without her. Pinkie Pie added in a conversation with a rock while she was at the microphone, her mental instability coming out.

When it was finally my turn to go up, I really didn't know what to say. I had known Twilight the least of all the people, and anything to say about her had already been said. The only thing I could think of at that moment was how much I had loved Twilight when she was still alive, but I knew that I couldn't say that to everypony if I could barely tell Twilight. I slowly walked up to the platform, looking at the massive number of ponies that had shown up for the event. The announcer was still telling the crowd about me, so I had time to think. I looked behind me and saw Twilight's final resting place, and I knew that I had to tell everypony. I was probably the only person that had ever loved Twilight in the way I had, and I felt that it was my duty to tell everypony of my love. It wouldn't matter what happened anyway because Twilight would never be able to love me back.

The announcer finished talking and passed the microphone to me. I took a deep breath, calmed myself, and began to speak.

"Hello, everypony. As you already know, my name is Red. There isn't really that much left to say about Twilight. I'd only known Twilight for about six months before she...left, but I can say that she was an amazing pony, one of the best mares I've ever met in my life. She was brilliant, kind, funny, and she always knew just what to say. However, I didn't think of Twilight as just a friend. To tell the truth, I was in deep, inescapable love with Twilight ever since I bumped into her on the street." I looked up and saw that I had everypony's attention. Twilight's family looked up at me through blurry eyes, and I continued. "It's kind of funny how we met, actually. It was complete chance that I crashed into her on the street that fateful day, but it feels as if it were meant to happen. Ever since that day six months ago, I've thought about nothing but Twilight. She meant the world to me. She was my heart, my soul, my existence. She began to mean even more to me after we became close friends. When I told her of my love, she respectfully rejected me. This is the reason that I didn't accompany her on her...last mission." I looked down again and saw the Mane 5 looking at each other in shock. "I blame myself fully for Twilight's passing. If I had been there, I could have saved her, healed her, saved her life. But it's never good to dwell on the 'what ifs.' Either way, Twilight has left us forever and we'll just have to accept that. But no matter what, no matter how good of a healer I am, I will never be able to..." I broke off for a second to sob. "I will never be able to heal my broken heart." I broke down on the floor and began to bawl.

As I cried, I could hear ponies in the crowd clapping. Ponies were cheering for me through tears. I felt a strong pair of arms lifting me off the ground and heard a strong Southern drawl comforting me as I was transported off stage. When I finally opened my eyes, the teary eyed Mane 5 were smiling at me. We all embraced each other and cried together.

When everypony in the audience had calmed down a little, the viewing process began. According to Equestrian tradition, the body of the deceased was to be healed completely before being buried. The mortician also put a powerful temporary spell on the body to prevent decay for about ten days. When everypony walked up to see Twilight before the burial, she looked as if she were sleeping.

Twilight's immediate family went up first. They all crowded around the coffin and slowly said their goodbyes. They all sat down to share a good weep before walking away. The two princesses went up next. Princess Celestia seemed ready to kill everypony there out of pure rage, while Princess Luna simply looked down at Twilight silently. After they were finished, the rest of us went up. Spike went up the coffin and whispered some words into Twilight's ear. The Mane 5 all went up together. Pinkie Pie threw some confetti in the coffin, Rarity smoothed Twilight's mane, Applejack put her hat in the box, and Fluttershy sang Twilight a lullaby. Rainbow Dash simply sat weeping, hugging the coffin as if to warm it up. When the other ponies left, Rainbow Dash stayed there, weeping over the loss of her friend.

When Rainbow Dash finally let go of the coffin, I went up as the last person. I kissed my hoof and placed it on her forehead, then hugged her the best I could while she was still in the box. I shed a few tears, pulled myself together, and left the coffin on stage.

After a few other ponies that were close to Twilight went up, the coffin was sealed. I watched as they lowered the coffin into a shallow ditch in the ground. The ditch was filled in with dirt, and a life-size statue of Twilight was placed on top. The statue seemed happy.

As everypony slowly filed out of the field, everypony in the front row stayed put. When there was nopony else but us, we finally left. Eventually, nopony else remained in the empty field except for the deceased body of Twilight, still perfectly preserved as if she had just fallen asleep.

A Sparkle of Hope

Books, books, books, books, books. I had been reading nonstop since the funeral. Books on astronomy, books on herbalism, books on pony history, books on culture, books on books, almost every genre of book had passed in front of my glassy eyes. I didn't really read much of any book, of course, but most of the books had entertaining pictures. Every now and again I would read a page or two of a book, but I mostly just flipped through to find pictures.

I had slowly worked my way around the library. Every single shelf of books in the library was now scattered all over the floor. I was on the precipice of insanity and I was losing my balance. There was only one book remaining, and it was huge. I levitated the book over to me and threw it on the floor. It was titled The Comprehensive Book of Spells. I flipped through it and saw almost zero pictures. Before I threw the book across the room and gave up on life, I had an idea. While reading had kept me occupied for a while now, it was starting to get repetitive. I was paying less attention to the book and was drifting more off into my thoughts. If I drifted off into my thoughts, there was no telling what would happen. If I actually did something active, I would be more involved and so could hold the psychosis at bay longer.

I flipped open the book and started skimming. I would pick a random spell, try doing it for a while, then move on. I failed most of the spells since my magic was specific to healing, but I was able to perform some of the novice spells. I created a self-checking To Do list with one spell and set it on fire with another spell. I regained my balance on the precipice and even started having a little bit of fun. I conjured a napkin, teleported around a little, and even temporarily changed my mane color to red. I began to wonder why I had never done this before After about an hour or two of performing random spells, I got tired of them. I threw the book across the room and collapsed from exhaustion.

As expected, I dreamed only about Twilight; however, I only had happy dreams. I had a dream where Twilight was still alive and we had gotten married. I had a dream where Twilight and I became a superstar couple. I had a dream where Twilight and I were on a sitcom. My dreams were all lighthearted and happy-go-lucky throughout my slumber. My mind still wasn't ready to accept the loss.

Then I had an interesting dream. I watched myself standing at Twilight's grave in the middle of the night in the third person. I had lifted away the statue, brought the coffin to the surface, and opened it. I just stood there for a little bit, then started squinting. I saw the color fade away from my mane, tail, and coat until I was monochromatic. My horn began to glow red and intensify until I could barely look at it anymore. Suddenly, a stream of red shot from my horn and hit Twilight's corpse, shaking it as if it were being electrocuted. The dream concluded with Twilight coming back to life and walking over to me as I collapsed.

When I woke up the next morning, all of the dreams from the previous night were fuzzy and unclear. Except for the resurrection one. I sat on the floor for a little trying to recall the resurrection dream, and I was able to almost completely reconstruct it in my head. It had been so vivid that it had felt as if I were actually watching myself give my life force to Twilight. I began to wonder if such a thing were even possible. After all, if I could do anything to bring Twilight back I would. I began looking around the library as if I could find my answer in big bold letters on the walls.

I started searching through books to see if any of them had any information on resurrections. I grabbed each book one at a time and flipped straight through the index. I started grabbing two, three, four books at a time to speed up the process. Spike would've made the sifting easier but he was still sulking up in his room. Quite frankly, I was surprised that I was able to do so much after the love of my life had just recently passed away. I was determined to find some answers and nothing would stop me.

After at least an hour and a half of searching I came upon the spell book. I flipped through to the index and almost squealed. The index showed that one page of the book had something to do with resurrection. I flipped to page 758 and saw that I had entered the Advanced Skills section of the book. The spell in question took up the entire page, which was rare for a spell. It had been created by Starswirl the Bearded at least 200 years ago and was rarely used because of controversy surrounding it.

I read the entire page twice before even thinking about attempting it. The book instructed that only advanced spell casters would ever be able to perform this spell and that it required large amounts of magic and energy. The page included exercises to be done before casting the spell to aid in concentration and lessen the chance of failure. It recommended a background in medical magic.

I tried the concentration exercises for a while as practice. When I memorized the exercises and read the part explaining how to cast the spell, I felt ready to try it out. It suggested that the spell be used on small animals. I took my now-ruined salad out behind the library into a small grassy field. I scattered the salad over a small area and hid, waiting for something to smell the vegetables. After a few minutes, a squirrel found the salad and started nibbling on a cucumber. I grabbed the creature with my magic and took it inside as practice. Really hoping that I knew how to perform the spell, I sat down with the book, gingerly levitated the squirrel in front of me, and snapped its neck. The limp body stayed suspended in mid-air as I started the concentration exercises. I took deep breath, thought about flowers blooming, filled my mind with happy thoughts, and focused completely on the task at hand.

Ready to perform the magic, I started by healing the dead squirrel. It was still dead, but the subject had to be completely healed before attempting the spell. I left the squirrel on the ground for a second and went to the bathroom to find a pair of scissors. I came back with the scissors and sat down in front of the dead body. I made a small cut on my front left leg and let some blood dribble out of the incision. I then bent my head and dipped my horn into some of my blood. I slid my hooves under the squirrel and gingerly lifted it up to about face level. I then concentrated on pushing magic from all over my body into my horn. I saw a red glow coming from above my eyes and saw that it was being diffused slightly. The magic was trying to escape my horn but was blocked by the blood, so it began to form a bubble of blood about the size of a cherry tomato. Finally, when the bubble seemed ready to explode, I sent one final burst of magic through my horn and detached the magic bubble. I saw it float around for a little before finally touching the squirrel. A flash of bright light illuminated the library, and I let the resurrected squirrel scamper out the front door.

I was slightly dazed when I sat back down on the library door because of the energy the spell required, but I was ecstatic at the possibility of saving Twilight. What I feared was that resurrecting Twilight would take too much energy and I wouldn't be able to supply enough. No matter what, though, I still had to try. I loved Twilight more than myself, and resurrecting Twilight might just allow me to live with myself for the rest of my life.

Redemption

It was around ten o'clock at night when I set off to do my work. I didn't want anypony to see me digging up the grave of my past lover and not know what I was doing. Luckily, Ponyville had an almost nonexistant nightlife, so I wasn't in much danger of being spotted at night. Still, I wasn't taking any chances. I walked with an air of caution, every noise making me jump for a place to hide. I took a winding convoluted route to the burial site in case I was being followed. When I found myself in the open plain, I galloped as quickly as possible towards the grave, my saddlebags hitting my flanks as I ran. I was shaking from anticipation.

When I finally reached the grave, I was taken aback by the number of flowers surrounding it. It looked as if every flower in Equestria had been placed on the grave. After moving all of the flowers into a heap nearby, I moved the statue out of the way. Its happiness seemed eerie in the low light of the moon.

I bent down on top of the grave site and started digging. My hooves moved rapidly back and forth like a dog uncovering a bone. My face was covered in dirt by the time I finally saw part of the coffin. Although it was a shallow ditch, it took what seemed like hours to fully uncover the coffin. I stood back and carefully levitated the coffin out of the hole. I set the coffin down in front of me and opened it. I was lucky: the mortician's preservation spell didn't wear off for another few hours, but I could see that the magic aura of the spell around her was very faint. I didn't have much time.

I embraced Twilight and dragged her out of the coffin. I then propped her body up against the coffin so she was in a slouched standing position. I turned towards my saddlebags and got out my energy bar and coffee. Performing the spell required as much energy as possible, and failure was not an option. After finishing my snacks, I took out the book from my bags and read over the resurrection spell at least ten times. I performed the concentration exercises three times before I was completely sure that I was ready.

I took a deep breath, sat down, and took the knife from my saddlebags. The amount of blood needed for the spell varied based on the size of the creature being resurrected. The squirrel had only required a few drops. Twilight would require much more. I grasped the handle of the knife in my mouth and stretched my front left leg out in front of me. The knife pierced my soft skin easily, slicing through it like supple butter. I bit down on the handle of the knife in pain. I still didn't have enough blood. I sliced my skin multiple more times in the same area until most of my leg was covered in blood. Still in immense pain, I levitated a small teacup from my saddlebag and gathered as much blood as possible in it. Before, continuing, I healed my wounds and ate another energy bar.

With cup in hoof, I stood up and readied myself for action. I performed the concentration exercises once more to ensure my focus would be on Twilight. I then poured my blood from the cup onto my horn, coating the entire thing with sticky red liquid. Blood ran down the side of my face and into my mouth until it tasted like my tongue was made of iron. My mane felt sticky to the touch and was probably had a maroon tinge to it. I licked the cup clean and stashed everything away in my saddlebags, which I set down next to me.

I turned my attention back to Twilight. I filled my mind with thoughts of her, which wasn't extremely difficult. Her feminine beauty whirled around in my skull and gave me a lighthearted feeling. I felt as if I had swallowed a swarm of parasprites when I started the flow of magic. Magic was summoned from every corner of my body, from the tips of my hooves to the tip of my snout. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes, keeping the image of a living Twilight in my head as incentive to keep pushing the limits of magic. I slightly opened my eyes to see if anything was happening. The entire area around me was bathed in a deep red light, and I could feel my horn heating up. But I needed more magic.

I knelt down to conserve standing energy, and I slackened every muscle in my body. My eyes were half open and everything had a reddish hue to it. My horn felt as if it were on fire, and sweat rolled down my face. I started seeing a bubble forming from my horn, but it was still very small. I forced more magic through me until I started seeing a bigger bubble. My eyes were going blurry, my mane was soaked from sweat, and the pain in my horn was becoming unbearable. I had to keep going.

The bubble was now about the size of a miniature soccer ball. I'd calculated that I would need a bubble about the size of a beach ball to even have a chance of resurrecting Twilight. There was still a long way to go. I began pulling at stored magic reserves throughout my body. Magic I didn't know existed flowed from my mane and my tail. The base of my horn became a swirling vortex of bodily magic. Everything burned, but I wasn't ready yet. The bubble was the size of a soccer ball. I wasn't finished yet.

Magic started flowing from my tongue and my eyes. My vision lost its color and I lost the ability to taste. I went deaf after another few minutes, and my nose stopped working after that. I only had my sense of touch left, which was being overloaded with indescribable pain. It felt as if I'd been frozen to death, then burned at the stake, then stoned, then ground up, then stabbed repeatedly. I could no longer feel my extremities, and I was beginning to believe I had no magic left. The bubble was almost at the correct size. It only needed a little more magic and it would be ready. I pumped my last reserves of magic into the bubble and lost my sense of touch. The world was now just a black and white image.

As I readied the last burst of magic, the corners of my vision began to fade away. My range of vision decreased until I could barely see all of Twilight's face. I gathered up all my willpower, bundled the last bit of magic, and shot it through my horn.

Throughout the ordeal, reality had been in a slingshot. As I gathered more and more magic, the slingshot was pulled back more and more. When I released the final burst of magic, the slingshot fired. All of my senses were instantly working again. I could not only feel the bones breaking, but I could also see and hear them. I could also smell and taste the resulting blood from the explosive launch of the bubble. However, the bubble wasn't the only thing that was launched. I watched in absolute horror as my horn flew through the air and landed in the grass between me and Twilight. My entire body ached in every way possible. I tasted blood in my mouth. My forehead was burning with the fire of the sun, and blood gushed forth from the gaping wound.

I tried to keep my eyes open as the huge bubble of blood and magic floated over to Twilight. It lightly touched her forehead, and I had to close my eyes because of how bright the resulting flash was. I saw some color restored in her cheeks and I thought I saw her blink. Her chest started moving in and out rhythmically. The feelings of ecstasy conflicted with my pain. I was so happy that I was able to ignore the pain long enough to see Twilight's eyes flutter open and look at my crumpled body.

I closed my eyes for the last time that night. I felt at peace with myself. I was being hurtled through space at incredible speeds. I saw my past, my blunders, my errs, and I accepted them. I saw bliss, happiness, and love. I embraced them. Death returned the embrace.

Epilogue

The summer sun was beating down on my flank as I stared ahead, and a light breeze blew past me. I could just barely make out a shape in the distance slowly walking closer. When the shape grew larger, I could see that it was Twilight. She was carrying a single red rose in her mouth and looked rather excited. Awaiting her arrival, I stood perfectly still. Then again, there wasn't much else I could do.

When Twilight reached me, she slowly placed the rose at the bottom of my pedestal with the others. There were a few hundred that littered the ground, one for each day. It had been almost a year since my passing.

Twilight sat down and stared up at me. She appeared to be examining me for any blemishes. She stood up and carefully brushed a leaf off of my stone tail and sat back down.

"I'm really sorry, but I can't stay for too long today. You're never going to believe what happened." She paused as if waiting for me to guess. "I'm going to the Grand Galloping Gala! I know, it's so exciting! We need to start getting ready to leave soon, so I only have a few minutes left."

She stood up and walked closer to me. She wrapped her legs around me in a tight embrace and didn't let go for a few minutes. I felt a single tear roll down her face and fall onto my neck.

"I'm so sorry."

I wanted to say that she had done nothing wrong, but I lacked the ability to move. Twilight's spell bound my soul to this statue. I was locked forever in an offensive crouch. My horn also eternally glowed red from another nifty spell Twilight had learned.

Twilight let go of me and took a step back. She let a fleeting melancholy smile cross her face, then waved goodbye. I simply stood there. She then turned around and started slowly walking away. I watched her beautiful body slowly walk away as I stood there on my stone pedestal. Suddenly, she turned around and started galloping towards me.

"I'm so sorry, Red, I completely forgot! Oh man, that would've been bad, right? I couldn't leave you without my daily gift." She looked straight up at me, and I could see her horn glowing purple. A thick magenta haze spewed forth from her horn and enveloped me.

I was sitting on the library floor with Twilight. It felt great to have my body out of the coffin that had once housed my deceased love. The purple mare was showing me something in a book she was reading. She said something about how the author had used allusions to foreshadow the end of the story, but I wasn't listening. I stared at her face as she read. Even in my dream, Twilight was beautiful.