Too uptight

by Ghost_ Dust

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 2797

Dusty,Slate, Sea Swirl, Thunderclap and the rest try to find Snow Blitz a marefriend. Good luck. You'll need it.

Dusty and the gang try to find Snow Blitz a marefriend.

Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
__________________

Thanks to Shard Vine, Kabuto901 and Sea_Swirl for letting me use their OC's!

I think we can all guess who's OC was who's :raritywink:

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-18 20:30:29 UTC

Chapter 1

"But I thought bacon came from chickens" blurted out Sea Swirl.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Said Snow Blitz.

Sea Swirl and Slate began laughing uncontrollably.

An ash-gray bat-mare with a dark blue mane just smiled in amusement.

"Dusty, help me out with these guys?" Asked Snow Blitz.

The mare shrugged. "I dunno. Seems kinda funny" she replied as she took a swig of her drink.

"And bees eat soy sauce" Said Slate to Snow Blitz.

Snow Blitz slammed his head against the table. This made Slate and Sea Swirl burst out laughing.

Dusty gave a small laugh. "You guys are too good" She chuckled.

"I get that a lot" replied Slate as he picked up his drink as well and drank some.

Sea Swirl just kept on laughing which made Slate laugh louder, which made half of the Saloon turn to stare at them.

Snow Blitz turned red. "Guys! Shuddup! Everyone's staring" He said.

Dusty didn't seem to mind. She was just smiling.

After Sea Swirl and Slate stopped laughing, Snow Blitz scolded them. "You're acting like kids!" he said.

Slate shrugged. "So?" he asked.

Sea Swirl rolled her eyes. "This is why you don't have a marefriend" she said.

"Exactly. Too uptight" Added Dusty, clicking her tongue.

Snow Blitz scowled. "This has nothing to do with that!" he argued.

"We're gonna have to go find him a mare now" sighed Slate.

Dusty nodded. "Yeah. Snow, you can't just stay lonely your whole life" She said.

Snow Blitz sighed. "I dunno, guys... What if.." He said, trailing off.

"Maybe you and Star Gazer could make a little love" suggested Sea Swirl.

Slate laughed.

He blushed. "I barley even know her!" he protested.

Dusty shrugged. "So? I didn't know Thunderclap either, but me and him are together"  She pointed out.

"Maybe Pinkie Pie would suit you better" Said a voice behind him.

"Shard Vine! Come over here, bruh" said Slate.

Shard Vine trotted over and sat down next to Slate.

"Pinkie Pie?!" Asked Snow Blitz in bewilderment.

"Why not?" Asked Dusty.

"This is gonna be funny!" Said Sea Swirl.

"We should hook him up with Midnight Blossom, who's still doing time in prison!" laughed Slate.

Shard Vine chuckled. "Maybe even Zephyr" He suggested.

At this, Dusty laughed. "Yeah!" Can't wait to see where those two would go on their Honeymoon" she said.

Snow Blitz sighed. "Guys... I'm good. Really. I like being Celestia's royal guard" He said as he looked at all of them.

Sea Swirl and Shard Vine stayed silent.

Slate got a mischievous look on his face. "I know what to do" He whispered to Dusty. Slate slowly crept forward to the piano that was stationed right next to their table and began playing a song.

Sea Swirl grinned, knowing what was gonna happen.

"Snow Blitz... Needs a marefriend... Because he's so, so, so, so, so lonely"  Slate began singing, on purposely off-key.

Snow just covered his face by slamming it on the table.

"He's single... Which is not very common... Because he is lonely... and needs some lovin'" Slate kept singing.

Snow Blitz's face remained on the table.

Shard Vine gave Slate a look meaning make the damn song better!

Slate got the message. "Um... and... Snow Blitz... er... HAS LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY!" He practically yelled out.

At this, more than half the mares in the Saloon turned around and rushed to the group.

Ghost Dust laughed. "Yep! This is the same exact Snow Blitz that put Midnight Blossom in jail!" she yelled out.

Snow Blitz groaned. "Fine! Let's just get this over with then!" He said loudly.

Slate grinned wildly and leaped off the piano seat. He pulled a top-hat out of nowhere and put it on, also taking a cane and swinging it around. "That's right, ladies! All you've ever wanted in a man is right here!" he announced, pointing his cane towards Snow Blitz who was blushing profoundly.

Shard Vine grinned. "And he comes tax-free!" He added.

Slate and the rest of them laughed.

"You mean he actually costs something?!" joked Sea Swirl. The whole group burst out laughing again.

"Oh man, we should try out for Comedy Club" Suggested Shard Vine.

"Hmm.. That sounds just about right! Let's just finish this Snow Blitz stuff first. Then we can all go be comedians" Confirmed Ghost Dust as she flexed her wings, then settled down again.

"Changing the topic, we have to work out a system here, for all these mares to try out for Snow Blitz" Said Sea Swirl.

"Exactly. We can't just have them all storming in on him" Agreed Shard Vine.

"Even though that would be funny and probably make our days, We should come up with a good system" Said Slate.

"How about just interviewing them, then let Snow Blitz decide which mare suits him best" Suggested Ghost Dust to the group.

Slate nodded slowly. "Not bad... But it should be someone we all agree on. Sure, Snow Blitz may be a banana, but we still want the best for him" He added.

Shard Vine shrugged. "I'm up for it" He said casually.

Ghost Dust smiled. "Why not?".

Finally, they turned to Sea Swirl. She nodded. "Sure"

"Great! Blitzy, we've got a plan!" announced Slate, as Snow Blitz turned to them warily.

"Ha! Blitzy!" Said Sea Swirl, laughing which made everyone else laugh too.

Snow Blitz was in no mood to laugh. He was beginning to take this seriously. I do need a marefriend, don't I? He asked himself, looking out at the crowd of wild mares. This is gonna be a looong week.

Trials: Blazing Saddle

Snow Blitz shifted uncomfortably in his seat. In front of him was a coffee table with two waters. Farther up was another seat for the mare who would try to win his heart. Sea Swirl and Shard Vine had gone to bring in one of the mares in the long line that had formed. Dusty and Slate were hidden somewhere in the room. He knew Dusty was behind the couch, with pillows, blankets, soda, pizza and a notepad and pen for notes. Slate however, had not told him where he was hidden.

Suddenly, Sea Swirl opened the door and in came a mare with a golden-cream coat. Her mane was styled like Princess Twilight's and she was wearing a western cowgirl hat.

"This is Blazing Saddle" said Shard Vine to Snow Blitz as he looked around for somewhere to hide, and dashed for where Slate was, when Blazing wasn't looking. Sea Swirl however, was still deciding her hiding place. She finally zoomed to behind the curtains.

"Heya there, Snow Blitz! My name is Blazin' Saddle!" confirmed the mare.

Snow Blitz smiled warily "H-Hi Blazing! M-my name is Snow Blitz... N-not that you didn't know" he stammered.

Blazing Saddle laughed. "You nervous?" she asked.

Embarrassed, he nodded his head yes.

"Well, don't need to be like that around me! Now, tell me: Have you dated anyone before?" She asked, with a smile.

Snow Blitz shrugged. "No. But I have two best friends that are mares. Does that count?" He asked, hearing a low giggle from where Sea Swirl was hidden and a quiet sneer from where Ghost Dust was. He turned red.

"Not to sound rude, but no" replied Blazing Saddle, beginning to look bored.

"Um, well, I'm Celestia's royal guard" Said Snow Blitz, trying not to make the situation so hopeless.

Blazing Saddle looked interested again. "Tell me more" she said.

"W-well, I work with Shining Armor... And I got to meet Princess Cadence once... Did you know she's expecting a filly?" He asked, trying to sound professional and intresting.

"No, I didn't know. And you met Princess Cadence? Wowzers, that's pretty cool!" She said.

"Yeah... And, er, I have friends" he blurted out.

Blazing Saddle stared at him. "Oh. Um, wow?" She asked.

Snow Blitz regretted saying that. He sounded stupid and weird! "I-I mean that I have a whole group of friends" he stammered again. "Th-there's Sea Swirl and Shard Vine, Dusty and Slate" he rambled on "A-and they're comedians" he finished dumbly.

Blazing Saddle nodded slowly. "Uh, okay then" she said, shifting uncomfortably like Snow Blitz was so used to.

"Also, My mom bakes great pies!" He said, smiling stupidly.

Blazing Saddle made a face. "Oh.. Er..." she mumbled "I-I have to go.. to.. um.. work" she lied, as she got off the seat.

Snow Blitz kept a fake smile on. "Uh, yeah! Okay! Come back later!" he replied as Blazing Saddle gave him one last sorry look and closed the door behind her.

"I think she's a keeper!" said Snow Blitz, triumphantly.

"Really? My mom bakes great pie?" Asked Slate, rolling his eyes.

"Us mares, don't want some creep who barley knows how to talk" Said Sea Swirl, pointing to her notes on Blazing Saddle.

Shard Vine just sighed. "Let's all compare notes" He said.

Slate took out his notebook, which read:

Blazing Saddle:

Is a cowgirl. Is nice. Can be nervous. Doesn't like Snow Blitz.

Snow Blitz looked up at Slate. "Gee thanks for that last one" he said sarcastically.

Shard Vine showed them his:

Blazing Saddle test subject, Group A:

Western, Funny, Caring, Nervous, Stammers, Rejects Snow

After Snow Blitz read Shard's notes he nodded his head. "Not bad, but that last one..." he trailed off.

Sea Swirl just shrugged. "I thought his were better than mine" she commented, showing her notes, that read:

Blazing Saddle notes-

Seems to be cowgirl-ish, no accent like Applejack, Forgiving, Stammers and shifts when nervous

"These seem alright" approved Snow Blitz, before turning to Dusty. "What did you write?" He asked her.

"Um, well..." She said, smiling.

Sea Swirl grinned. "Oh! You didn't!" She laughed.

Dusty smiled. "I sorta did" She said, showing them her notepad:

Slate and Shard Vine laughed.

"Ghost Jetbat Dust, why?!" Asked Snow Blitz, grinning. "I needed output!"

She shrugged. "I got bored after you started talking about your job" Said Ghost Dust.

Shard Vine nodded. "Yeah, It kinda was boring, dude. Lighten up the conversation" he advised.

"Girls love a guy who's fun!" said Sea Swirl.

"Actually, my marefriend can be really serious and doesn't like it when I laugh while she's mad" said Slate, shrugging.

Snow Blitz sighed. "Who's next?" He asked Shard Vine.

Shard Vine shrugged. "Should I go check?" He asked, heading to the door.

"If there's anyone left. Maybe Blazing Saddle blabbed to all her friends that Snow Blitz was terrible" commented Sea Swirl, setting down some fresh water and soda on the coffee table.

"Gee thanks" replied Snow Blitz again.

"Stop being so sarcastic with your friends, and so nervous with other mares. Be yourself" said Dusty, stretching out her dark blue bat wings.

"Exactly. Show them who Snow Blitz is" agreed Shard Vine from the door.

"Whatever. Just go get the next mare" sighed Snow Blitz, sitting back down in his seat.

Slate dashed to behind the curtains.

"That's my hiding spot!" complained Sea Swirl.

"Not anymore!" laughed Slate, taking a bite from the pizza and taking out his pen and notepad.

Sea Swirl muttered something under her breath and stormed over to where Ghost Dust was. "At least I have a better spot now!" she yelled back at him.

Shard Vine opened the door and dissapeared behind it, to go bring the next mare. Who would probably react like Blazing Saddle: Disgusted.

Trials: Endie

Shard Vine trotted back in with a mare. Who didn't seem regular at all. She had a black coat, and dark violet mane, with a purple scarf. Her eyes were unusually light lavender and she had a horn.

"This is Endie" said Shard Vine as he nodded over to the mare, who remained expressionless. Shard seemed in a rush to get away from the odd mare and dashed to behind the curtains with Slate.

Snow Blitz gulped. "Hi! I'm Snow Blitz. You?" He asked with a fake smile

She shrugged. "I can be a lot of things. Sometimes I can be a regular pony. At other times a lunatic. But mostly, I'm just an ender pony with a regular lifestyle" She said, sitting down on the seat. Her horn began to glow a light blue aurora as the glass of water was lifted and drawn to her mouth. She took a small sip and focused her weird, light purple eyes on Snow Blitz.

"Oh, cool. I'm mostly just a single stallion who needs a mare" He replied, looking back at her.

Endie looked confused for a second, then burst out laughing. "Oh, you think I'm here to try out for a stallionfriend?" She asked.

Snow Blitz nodded. "Uh... Er...Yeah.." He said, beginning to worry.

"Nope. I'm here for the free water and pizza. Maybe even some soda. Don't get that everyday!" she said, with a smile and a light toss of her dark purple mane.

Snow Blitz sighed as he forced a smile onto his face. Maybe he could change her mind. "So, What do you like to do?" He asked.

Endie shrugged. "I struggle with dual-personality. Sometimes I'm nice and caring... And sane. Other times I'm crazy... And not the fun type.. More like a insane killer" she replied.

Snow Blitz gulped and forced a look of pity. "Oh. Do you have any friends?" He asked.

Endie looked up, slightly offended. "Yeah. There's Autumn Sprinkle, Fire Blaze, Midnight Glow" she replied.

"Any siblings?" He asked.

"Half Moon and Maggie" she replied, clearly bored now as she stretched out.

"Ohhh. Um, Do you like Pop Tarts?" he asked.

"When I was a filly I did" she replied with a smile. "You still eat those?"

"Erm, no"

"I like waffles"

"waffles are good"

"I know"

"How?"

"Um, I tried them"

"Oh."

Snow Blitz looked around the room as Endie finished eating the pizza.

"This is some good pizza"

"It is"

"Make it or buy it?"

"Huh?"

"Did you bake this or buy it?"

"bought it"

"where?"

"Pizza place"

Endie nodded as she sat back down and focused her purple eyes behind Snow Blitz where there was a painting of a pony about to be ran over by a train. "Nice picture there" she said

Snow Blitz looked behind him. "Oh, that?" He asked smiling

She nodded, letting some of her dark purple mane fall on her face. Snow Blitz saw her as a pretty and fun mare, But he wanted something more in her... Maybe lose the goth part.

"Mh-hm" she nodded, lifting her drink and taking another sip. She let the cup down and sighed.

"So, have you ever met Discord or Celestia?" He asked her.

Endie nodded. This seemed to capture her attention. "I met Discord once" she said.

"Really?" asked Snow Blitz. This has him hooked as well.

"Yup. I went over to my friend, Fluttershy's house once to pick up my dog: Lucky, and when I open the door, I see him standing there with Fluttershy" she said, remembering the moment.

"Was he nice?" Asked Snow Blitz.

"As far as former-villans go" confirmed Endie, as she yawned and checked her watch.

"Do you have anything planned tomorrow night?" Asked Snow Blitz, smiling at her.

"Yeah. And like I said: I only came here for the free pizza." And with that statement her horn began glowing its blue aura and she vanished into thin air.

Snow Blitz blinked as Slate, Shard Vine, Sea Swirl and Ghost Dust came out.

"Well I saw her as okay" shrugged Shard Vine showing them his notes:

Endie- Subject #2, Trails group A

Dark, sarcastic, funny, likes pizza

"I guess that sums her up" sighed Snow Blitz gazing at the scribbles.

"You forgot that she was actually better-looking than Blazing Saddle" pointed out Slate showing them his notepad-

Endie: Comical, goth, likes free stuff, pizza-lover, prettier than Blazing Saddle

"That's true" laughed Snow Blitz as he turned to Ghost Dust. "Dusty?" he asked.

Ghost Dust opened her notebook to her notes that read-

Endie-

Dark, Light goth, Silly, Cool

"Yeah, she would've had good odds of being Snow's marefriend. Still can't get over the fact she just came in for pizza" giggled Slate, revealing his own notes:

Endie; Fun, pizza, dark, likes paintings

"It's true, I guess she did like the painting she saw behind me" said Snow Blitz nodded, clearing his throat and taking a sip of water.

"Shard, Go get us our next victim" Said Sea Swirl with a laugh as she returned to behind the couch with Ghost Dust trailing her. Slate hid where he usually did which was now near the bathroom and a small window. At least there was a row of chairs hiding him and Shard Vine trotted out the door.