Miss Pie's Prankster

by FillyD

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 3495

Aurora Dash and Pinkie Pie discover their shared love of pranks, and proceed to terrorize Ponyville for an afternoon.

When Aurora Dash and Pinkie Pie discover their shared love of pranks, they decide to spend the day pranking their friends and neighbours in Ponyville. Over the course of the day, they learn new things about one another, and learn to see each other in a new light.

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The story is set in the world of Miss Pie's Monsters, by the talented Heir of Rick. If you have not been lucky enough to browse through it yet, I strongly encourage you to do so. He thought he could keep his alternate universe ship-free, but I'll show him!

Published 2015-04-07 19:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-07 19:00:02 UTC

Miss Pie's Prankster

"This is gonna be great," Aurora Dash said to herself, parting the branches of the bush in front of her to reveal her target. "She'll never even know what hit her!" One of her translucent blue hooves cradled a snowball, lovingly crafted by the little windigo herself. Seeing as it was still much too early in the year for ponies to expect any snow, no one would ever suspect they were about to be pelted with a snowball. Dash congratulated herself on her cleverness, and admired the perfect snowball. Its shape, its weight, just the perfect amount of slush...it was time. Shaking her head to clear it of the distraction, she parted the bush again, drawing her hoof back and preparing to throw it at...

...nobody. Her target was gone. Dash's eyes darted left and right, searching for the mare who had just been haplessly standing there a moment ago, oblivious to the snowball with her name on it. Well, not her name, Dash didn't know her name, but her general description. Where could she have possibly gone?

"Hi Aurora Dash!" The cheerful shout just behind her made Dash jump and lose her grip on the snowball which fell to the ground with a soft 'splat'. Dash looked down at the ruined snowball with a heartbroken expression, before realizing she had an audience and throwing on a look of cool indifference as she turned her attention to the smiling mare behind her.

"Oh, hi Pinkie Pie."

"Hi! Did I scare you?" Pinkie said, prodding the little pile of snow with her hoof.

"What? Scare me? Pfft, of course not. I just, uh, slipped...on the grass..." Dash and Pinkie both looked down at her whispy tail, which as usual was hovering at least a foot off the ground. Dash cleared her throat. "What did you want anyway? I'm busy," she asked, trying to change the topic.

"I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out! And if you wanted to hang out, I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with me! And if you wanted to hang out with me, I wanted to see what you wanted to do!"

Dash blinked, trying to keep up with Pinkie's rapid-fire ramblings. "You want to hang out with me?" Dash asked, mostly for her own benefit, trying to get the situation straight. Pinkie nodded her head vigorously, but Dash scratched at her mane, "I dunno, I've got a very important pranking schedule today..."

"I love pranks!" Pinkie exclaimed as she began bouncing in place, "They're super fun!"

"Really? You want to prank ponies with me?"

"Sure!" Pinkie said, throwing a hoof around Aurora Dash's neck. Dash felt Pinkie shiver slightly from the cold of hugging a windigo, but Pinkie seemed to be ignoring it. "I'm pretty good at it too, if I do say so myself."

"Okay, since you ruined my snowball prank, I guess I'll let you make it up to me," Dash said, gently pushing Pinkie off of her and regaining her 'cool' composure.

"Yippee!" Pinkie squealed, "I know just the place to start!"

"That's Lyra," Pinkie whispered, pointing to the mint green unicorn sitting with her back to the pair of pranksters hiding in the park. "She lives with Bon Bon, the candy maker. They're really nice. This one time, Bon Bon made this super yummy batch of taffy, but Lyra-"

"Focus, Pinkie."

"Oh, right. Well the important point is that Lyra couldn't talk right for a week! Wait, no, the important part is that Lyra really likes candy, which is why I took this," Pinkie pulled what appeared to be a rather large candy cane out of her mane. It was, surprisingly, not covered in hair.

"What are we going to do with that thing?"

"We're going to give it back to her," Pinkie said with a sinister chuckle and an evil glint in her eye.

"...are you sure you understand what a prank even is?" Dash narrowed her eyes at Pinkie, who just beamed back with a reassuring smile.

"Of course I do!" Pinkie said, "Now, hold on to this for a second." Pinkie shoved the candy cane into Dash's hooves, and busied herself digging into her mane for something else. Dash studied the candy cane in her hooves. It certainly looked like an ordinary candy cane. She sniffed it. It smelled like an ordinary candy cane, sort of minty. She went so far as to lick one end. It tasted like an ordinary candy cane, sort of minty. As far as Dash could tell, there was absolutely nothing special about this candy cane at all.

"Alright, I'm trusting you on this one, but it better not be lame," Dash said skeptically. Pinkie suddenly turned back around, one of her forehooves now clad in an over mitt. Carefully, Pinkie took the candy cane back from Dash, and slipped out from under the bushes they were hiding in, sneaking towards the unsuspecting Lyra. Pinkie slid through the grass like a snake, silently stalking her prey. Dash had to admit to herself that Pinkie did seem to know what she was doing, even if Dash didn't get it. When Pinkie was right behind Lyra, she gently slipped the candy cane back into Lyra's saddlebags. Without a sound, Pinkie quickly slithered back to Dash's side. Once Pinkie was safely concealed again, Dash spoke up.

"Now what?"

"Now we wait. Bon Bon should be here any second. It's Tuesday, and they always come to have an afternoon snack together here in the park on Tuesdays." Pinkie said. Dash arched an eyebrow, surprised that Pinkie knew so much about these ponies. Obviously, being a windigo from the Everfree Forest, Aurora Dash didn't know too much about these townsponies. But even the other windigos back home...well, Dash never really knew too much about them anyway. Except that they were jerks, and she didn't want to know anything about them. She allowed herself a brief moment of admiration for the friendly pony who'd invited even more friends to join her in Ponyville.

True to Pinkie's prediction, a second mare joined the first before too long. The cream-colored earth pony took her place beside Lyra, and the prankster's strained their ears to hear the conversation that started.

"Hi Lyra, sorry I'm a little late. What's today's snack?"

"I got us a candy cane," Lyra said, her magic opening the saddlebag and levitating the candy cane between them.

"Just one? Urgh, Lyra..."

"It'll be fine, Bonnie," Lyra said, "It's spearmint, your favorite." The unicorn spared her friend a wink, and took a lick of the candy cane. When she tried to pull her tongue away again though, she found it to be solidly stuck to the candy cane. "Huh?"

"Lyra, put your tongue back in your mouth, you're being gross," Bon Bon said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm thuck!" Lyra lisped around the candy cane.

"What do you mean, 'you're stuck'? Cut it out."

"I'm weawy thuck!" Lyra yelped, tugging at the candy cane with her magic, and pushing at it with her hooves.

"Really? Here, let me try..." Bon Bon grabbed the hook of the candy cane in her mouth, bracing her hooves on Lyra's chest, and pulled. Lyra cried out in pain, but the candy cane didn't move. Neither did Bon Bon, her lips still sealed around the top of the cane.

"Bun Bun, you'we thuck, huh?"

"Mrf," Bon Bon huffed, her lips refusing to part.

"How embawathing," Lyra said with a smile. Bon Bon simply glared at her.

Behind the bushes, Pinkie and Dash were rolling on the grass, hooves pressed to their muzzles to contain the gales of laughter.

"How...did you...?" Dash gasped between breaths as her laughing fit subsided.

"I didn't do anything," Pinkie said with a sly smile, "You did!"

"I did what?"

"You made the candy cane super-duper cold, so when Lyra licked it, her tongue got frozen! Like a metal pole in winter!"

"That's a thing?" Dash exclaimed, her mind racing with possibilities. Dash had never really worried about that sort of thing, and the Everfree Forest was short on metal poles, but this was something to keep in mind. Dash resolved to somehow get that Tatzlpony to lick a lamp post this winter. More tongues would only make it funnier. "Are those two going to be okay?"

"Oh, they'll be fine,' Pinkie said, giggling, "Once the candy cane warms up, they'll get unstuck."

"Oh, good," Dash said, "Now c'mon, we've got a lot more pranking to do!"

"So, was my prank good enough for you?"

"It was awesome! Pranking with you was probably the best idea I had all day," Dash said, grabbing Pinkie by the shoulders and steering her out of the park, "Except maybe this next idea..."

"Yay!" Pinkie beamed, skipping beside Aurora Dash as they left the park. Pinkie paused, and turned to wave over her shoulder before they made their escape. "Bye Lyra, bye Bon Bon!"

The two trapped mares looked up, and then back to each other.

"Pwinkie!"

"Okay, this one will top everything else we've done today," Dash said, leading Pinkie into the local hardware store. The pair had spent hours running around town, pranking various townsponies. Dash marveled at how Pinkie always seemed to know some relevant detail about every pony they met to guide them to the perfect prank. Exasperated sighs and reluctant grins followed the giggling pair everywhere they went. This time though, it was Dash's turn to know their mark inside and out.

The pony working the counter shot them a suspicious glance, but didn't say anything about the odd pair. Which of the pair was odder he wasn't sure, but their money spent as well as anyone's. "Here's the plan. I'm going to get some of this glue...well, you're going to get some of this glue because I don't have any bits. But we're going to take the glue, and then we're going to find where that Breezie is."

"Twilight? I think she's staying in the library!" Pinkie said, but her smile faltered, "I don't think we should-"

Dash interrupted her, eagerly outlining her plan. "So we take the glue, and we find a tiny little breezie-sized book. Then we put a little glue on the covers, and leave it somewhere the breezie is going to find it. When she opens it, her hooves will get stuck! It'll be awesome!"

"I don't know Dash, that seems kind of...mean." Dash blinked in surprise at Pinkie's words.

"Mean? It's just like that prank we pulled on the ponies in the park!" Dash exclaimed, "How is it mean now if it wasn't before!"

"Well, Lyra and Bon Bon are actually pretty big pranksters themselves," Pinkie said, "Like, in that story I was telling you about Lyra and the taffy, Bon Bon put a bunch of hot sauce in one batch because Lyra kept eating it all."

"So?"

"So...they know it's all in good fun. We'll probably run into them later and we can all laugh about it together! But Twilight seemed to get really mad about you pranking her like this when you all first came here. I don't think she'd laugh with us about it."

"But she's like, the best prank target ever!" Dash said, gesturing wildly with her hooves, until the shopkeeper cleared his throat. With a sheepish smile, Dash reined in her excitement, "She gets so mad."

"Pranks aren't about making ponies mad," Pinkie said with a stern frown, "They're about having fun!"

"But if no one gets mad, how am I supposed to eat?" The words slipped out before she realized just what she'd said.

"Huh?" Pinkie tilted her head to one side, trying to understand.

"C'mon, let's...uh, let's just go somewhere a little more private..." Dash gave the shopkeeper a nervous look as she slipped out of the store. Pinkie followed her, until they were outside sitting in the shade of a big tree, well out of the way of the local foot traffic.

"So, what did you mean back there?" Pinkie asked, setting a comforting hoof on Dash's shoulder, "You can tell me."

"Well...you know how I'm a windigo right?"

Pinkie gasped is surprise. "You're a windigo!?"

"Did you seriously not notice that?"

"Of course I did, silly," Pinkie said with a grin. Dash glared at her, until Pinkie prodded her to go on.

"Right. Well, I'm a windigo, and windigoes feed on negative emotions. Like anger, or hatred, that kind of stuff." Dash said slowly, carefully watching to see how Pinkie would react. To her surprise, Pinkie was still just looking at her with a friendly smile, waiting for her to continue. "And well...hatred tastes really bad. I hate it, although I know that sounds weird. I just can't stand to be around things that are suffering like that. And well, that makes it really hard to find something to eat."

"So, what do you eat?" Pinkie asked, her tone supportive and genuinely curious.

"Well, not a lot. I don't know if you've ever met any other windigoes, but they are way bigger than I am. I think it's because I don't eat enough. But that's why I prank things all the time. It's not as filling as real anger, but at least it isn't as bitter. It keeps me from feeling too hungry, and that breezie is always good for a meal."

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Pinkie suddenly exclaimed, wrapping Dash up in a hug.

"Uh...sweet?"

"It's super-duper sweet of you that you would go hungry just because you don't want to hurt ponies!" Pinkie's grip tightened.

"It's not sweet, it's awesome. Because I'm awesome! Like a superhero!" Dash squirmed, trying to push her way out of the uncomfortably constricting hug. When she was finally able to push Pinkie off, the other mare's eyes were gleaming with inspiration.

"I know just what we can do as a prank!" Pinkie cheered, before pausing to add "But we're going to leave Twilight, alone, okay?"

"O...kay?" was all Dash managed before Pinkie charged back into the hardware store.

"Here's the plan," Pinkie said, diving into the bushes. They'd certainly spent a lot of time hiding in the bushes today, but a pranking lifestyle meant Dash was used to it. "So, when a pony steps on the 'x', it activates a lever that will tip over the ramp, and the bowling ball rolls into the basket, which uses the pulley to raise the platform, which lifts the candle so it can burn through the rope, and when the rope breaks the hammer swings down, which tips over the bucket of pine sap, which falls on the pony!"

Dash looked at the complicated and unreasonably delicate system of contraptions that Pinkie had constructed alongside the foot path in the park. It was mostly concealed by the trees, and the sharp turn the path took, but it was still very obviously visible.

"It's elegant in it's simplicity," Pinkie said with a knowing nod. Dash considered objecting, but decided it was best to just let it slide.

"So...what is going to guarantee that the pony isn't going to just walk away by the time the sap falls?"

"Well, they'll see all the parts moving, and wonder what will happen next, duh." Pinke said, tapping Dash on the skull. "Ponies are always so focused on complicated details that they never see what's about to happen next!"

"Uh, right." Dash said, turning her attention back to the path. It had taken Pinkie over an hour to get her elaborate trap set up, and Dash had spent the time reflecting on their conversation. Pinkie hadn't seemed to be phased in the slightest by Dash's explanation of windigo eating habits. Most ponies that Dash had ever met had reacted negatively to that, though she had to admit that she'd only ever really talked to two other ponies about it, and one of them was some Canterlot University professor of monsterology.

She knew it was a bad thing that she had to make ponies angry in order to eat. None of the windigoes she knew as a filly had ever seemed bothered by all the awful things they did to get a meal. Her own father had bragged about making a mare think her husband had cheated on her, and when Dash had questioned how mean it seemed, he'd called her ungrateful. It had taken weeks to get that taste out of her mouth.

It was amazing to Dash that Pinkie would be okay with that. She hadn't even blinked when Dash told her about how awful windigoes really are, and had even called her sweet. Dash's lips twitched up into a faint smile at that, before she caught herself and returned to her disinterested blank frown. She was so intently looking up and down the path, waiting for their prospective victim and ruminating on her odd friend, that she barely noticed that Pinkie was poking her in the side.

"What is i-" Dash said as she turned, but was cut short by the enormous blue eyes that filled the world as a soft pink muzzle pressed against her own. Dash froze, her mind blanking, churning to try and catch up with reality. When she finally processed what happened, she sprang back, crashing into the bushes. "What the hay, Pinkie!"

Pinkie leaned back giggling at the soft crackle of frost when she crinkled her nose. "Hee hee, told you!"

"Told me what! You never told me you were going to kiss me!" Dash all but shouted, struggling to untangle herself from the bushes.

"I told you, ponies never see what's about to happen. They just focus on all the silly details." Pinkie stuck her tongue out impishly. "Got you."

Dash struggled to come up with some sort of coherent response, but all she managed was to sputter and say "Why?"

"You're so silly," Pinkie giggled, "Of course I kissed you! You're cute, and sweet, and we had a ton of fun pranking together today."

"I'm not cute, I'm cool," was all that Dash could think to say, as lame as it sounded.

"You can be both," Pinkie winked, "And somepony is!"

"I...but...you can't just sneak up and kiss somepony!" Dash said, finally taking to the air again.

"I just did?" Pinkie said, tilting her head again, "So I'm pretty sure I can."

Dash ran a hoof down her face, groaning in frustration.

"Did I make you mad?" Pinkie said, suddenly looking concerned. "I just thought it would be fun!"

"I..." Dash started, but paused. She really wasn't mad. She'd been surprised, especially since she'd been interrupted right in the middle of her self-loathing windigo monologue. Looking back at Pinkie now, she certainly couldn't say she was upset about a kiss from such a cute mare, unexpected though it was. "You really like me?"

"Of course I do, silly!" Pinkie said, "Do you like me?"

"I'm not sure," Dash finally said with a sigh, "You're a great friend, Pinkie. You're cute, and fun, and you make me laugh...but I just don't know. I've never really done this whole thing, and I'm not sure I know how it's supposed to work..."

"Details," Pinkie just waved her hooves dismissively, "It's not supposed to work any one way, we just have fun and see what happens!"

"Well, I do like fun..."

"Of course you do," Pinkie said, throwing a hoof around her shoulder and gesturing to the world in front of them, "There's a whole world of fun out there waiting for us, so lets not get so hung up on the details that we miss it!"

"Sounds good, Pinkie," Dash said, putting a hoof around Pinkie's barrel to gently return the hug, "Let's just see wh-"

The sudden loud crash and clatter of Pinkie's sap trap filled the air, followed shortly by a loud string of curses. Together, the two pranksters peeked over the top of the bushes to see their victim.

Rivulets of sap slowly traced their way down the shining gold armor, oozing between the joints and soaking into the dark coat underneath. The mare's eyes were wide, scanning the park like a wild predator, her mouth contorted into a grimace of surprise and rage.

"Uh-oh...it's the Captain..." Pinkie said, her smile melting into a timid nervousness.

"Who goes there!" the mare bellowed, her eyes snapping to the bush and staring at the two manes that protruded just into view. "Pinkie Pie!"

"Heh, I think we should go see how much fun there is in Vanhoover!" Pinkie said, springing to her feet. "I'm thinking, maybe right about now..."

"I'm with you," Dash said, taking to the air, "On our next date though, I'll make dinner for you."

Together, the pair took off running as fast as they could away from the sap covered guard who came crashing through the bushes in hot pursuit.

"When I get my hooves on you two..!"