The Last Musings of a Blank Flank
Dear Everypony,
These will probably be my last words. A shame, really, to be dying here alone and not have anypony to share my last thoughts with. Funny, for I have been surrounded with friends and admirers almost at all times, yet in my final minutes, I'm on my own.
But maybe it's better this way. It would break my heart to see all of my friends gathered around my bedside, patting my hooves and telling me "everything's gonna be OK" and crying. I never could stand this stuff as a filly, and I certainly can't stand it now, especially now that I'm even older than Granny Smith before she died. It scares me that I will die soon. Even as I grew old and my mane turned gray, I never expected to go like this. I wanted to go out with a bang, like maybe doing something cool or dangerous.
But never lying down, on a bed. In my fillyhood, I would never have even thought about it. Years ago I was young, reckless, and stupid. I never thought that I would fail in anything. Even in my quest to get a Cutie Mark, I would simply pick myself up and dust myself off, and get back to crusading. But here's the thing: I CAN'T pick myself up off the ground anymore. I have failed too many times to keep on blindly believing that the NEXT thing I tried would earn me my Cutie Mark, the NEXT random endeavor I attempted. Now, It is a challenge to get myself out of bed in the morning.
And then there's the loneliness.
Actually, the opportunity to be alone has actually given me a chance to reflect, from my fillyhood to present times.
I have led an extremely long and full life, except for one thing: I never got my Cutie Mark. I tried and tried, yet no picture appeared on my flank. My friends have earned theirs long ago, and by now their grandfoals probably have gotten their Cutie Marks.
But what does that mean? Does It mean I never found my place in this world? Does it mean I never HAD A place in this world? How could I have gone through so many years without discovering what I was really good at?
In today's society, many fillies and colts get their Marks by means of an accident, such as Rainbow Dash and all of her friends. It was Rainbow's Sonic Rainboom that triggered the events that gave her friends their own Cutie Marks.
Why didn't that happen to me? Now that I think about it, every one of Rainbow Dash's friends went on to become somepony famous and rich, from Rarity's fashion line to Fluttershy's esteemed animal hospital.
What does that mean for me? Was I never special? My parents, before the accident, always told me that I was very special. Did they lie to me? How could I have been special if I never found my true place in the world?
Maybe it was something that I never expected. Something I tried long ago, but debunked it due to it being either for eggheads or for sappy mares and stuff.
Like now. I never thought my last words to anypony in this world would be transcribed on a sheet of paper. I tried writing, back when me and my friends did Gabby Gums, but it wasn't that good.
Maybe if I write things down, it will answer some of the questions I have.
But even as these tears run down my face, I know some of my questions won't ever be answered.
There is no point in marking this as my last will, because I have nothing left to give. Sure, I have my house, and my possessions, but I'd trade all of those for a Cutie Mark in a heartbeat. I really want to know WHY I was born here, WHAT my purpose is.
My only regret, besides not ever getting my Cutie Mark, was not being able to spend more times with my friends. After they each got their own Cutie Marks, I grew ever more distant from them, refusing to even talk to them.
It's pretty funny. If I had not grown so disillusioned with those fillies, I could have stuck with them, and they would have stuck with me. That's what friends do, right? Maybe I would have earned my Mark if I hadn't been so selfish, so obsessed with figuring it out on my own. Getting my Cutie Mark all by myself was so important to me that I left behind what was really important: my friends.
Looking back, I can now see the vast differences between me then and me now.
Back then, I was reckless, disrespectful, and lonely.
Now, I am unable to be reckless or disrespectful, but I am STILL lonely.
I miss Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. I am surprised that I have lasted this long by myself. If there is a world record for the longest time gone without any friends, I certainly would have won it. All those years, spent in bitter misery because I was too stubborn to look past my flank and realize that life isn't about Cutie Marks. Now that both of them have passed away, there will be no reconciliation.
Cutie Marks are merely a reflection of your talents, but your friends are your reflection of your soul. A pony's friends can be trusted with your life, they can comfort you when you are crying, and they will never ever let you down.
I have now come to the realization that the emptiness I'm feeling comes from the lack of friendship, not the lack of some worthless picture on my flank.
Now, as I lay my weary head to rest for the last time, I wonder if I will ever see my friends again. If I do, I wonder if my friends are my special talent, the reason I was put on this earth.
Who knows, I may have gotten my Cutie Mark even as I write these final words, but that doesn't matter anymore.
I miss my friends.
But I'll see them very soon.
Last Regards,
Scootaloo.
A few hours after this letter was written, Ms. Scootaloo's body was found in her home in Cloudsdale. She appeared to have died peacefully, and she had a contented, almost joyful look on her face. There was, after many years, a picture on her flank.
She had earned her Cutie Mark at last.
