The Cutie Mark Crusaders were at recess, playing with pogs and swapping Pokemon cards. Suddenly, Nightmare Moon accosted them. You could tell she was bad news because she was wearing a baseball cap backwards.
"Hey," she said, "you wanna do some drugs?"
"Say what?" said Scootaloo
"Drugs. You know, like all the cool foals are doing."
"I don't know about this," said Applebloom, "Flash Sentry from th' royal guard visited our class th' other day an' he told us that drugs're bad."
"Now hold on," said Sweetie Belle, "if we don't do drugs then we won't be cool. But if we do do drugs, we'll not only be cool, but might get our cutie marks in doing drugs!"
"Well then, what are you waiting for?" asked Nightmare Moon, who was suddenly wearing a long black cloak and carrying a scythe.
"I'm still not convinced," said Scootaloo. "Flash Sentry said I couldn't do sports as well if I was doing drugs."
"Well then, you've forced my hoof." said Nightmare Moon. "I shall have to resort to a peer pressure spell." She fired a cascade of magical runes shaped like the letter P that hit the three of them in the face.
Scootaloo contemplated for a minute, then spoke. "If drugs are rad according to the majority of foals, then who are we to question them?"
Nightmare Moon cackled evilly.
"Class dismissed, everypony, and don't forget to do your homework." said Cheerilee.
"Actually, we're gonna do drugs," said Applebloom.
Cheerilee gasped. "Applebloom! Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo! Have you already forgotten about what that handsome guard Flash Sentry told you?"
"We have; forgetting things is an effect of doing drugs," admitted Sweetie Belle.
"Well they can ruin your life. Why, just look at these before and after pictures of a pony who did drugs just once."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders' faces went pale. "Why would you show that to a child?!?" wailed Scootaloo
"Ah need an adult!" said Applebloom
"I'm indiscriminately phobic of all drugs now!" cried Sweetie Belle.
"You girls need to remind yourselves of the things you love, things that you couldn't do when you're high. For me it's teaching. Teaching is my anti-drug."
"And the flower seller is mah auntie Roseluck," added Applebloom.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were on their way home, when they were stopped by Nightmare Moon. "Hey, kids. You should do drugs."
"Stop right there, Nightmare Moon!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped, "Beloved children's comic book superhero Masked Matterhorn???" they exclaimed in unison.
"The one and only," said the Masked Matterhorn. "Nightmare Moon, you are trying to ruin these fillies' lives with your drugs, and that's whack."
"Well there's nothing you can do about it. Peer Pressure!" she cried, firing up another spell.
"Oh yes there is! For I have The No Shield!" She pulled out a medieval shield emblazoned with a "no smoking" symbol and crouched down behind it. The peer pressure spell struck the shield and bounced off harmlessly.
"Wh-what sorcery is this?" said an aghast Nightmare Moon.
"It is the superpower all ponies possess, the power to say no to drugs."
"How dare you impede on my quest to make everypony do drugs! Fine, I shall take my leave, but you haven't seen the last of me!"
"I think they have," said Flash Sentry. "Drugs are illegal. Nightmare Moon, you're under arrest for possession and distribution. You have the right to remain silent..."
"WE SHAN'T!"
"Thanks fer savin' our hides, Masked Matterhorn." said Applebloom.
"You're welcome, my little ponies. But the real heroes are the ones who keep the streets clean and free of drugs, the brave members of the royal guard like Flash Sentry."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders spent the rest of their school years getting ostracized and called blank flanks, but it was worth it because they were drug-free.
The end.
As the projector stopped spinning, Flash Sentry flipped on the lights and stowed the film reel back in its canister. "So we'll show this in classrooms all across Equestria. I'll need a startup budget of twenty thousand bits to cover expenses, branded products, and my personal stipend."
"Private, this is one of the worst ideas that's ever crossed my desk," said Shining Armor.
"Oh. Well, can I date your sister?"
"Get out!"
“Thanks so much for helping out with this, girls," said Flash Sentry.
"No problem, Mr. Sentry," said Scootaloo, "Now about our fee...?"
"Fee? Oh, did you think....? I'm sorry, girls, but this was a volunteer project."
"Aww, come on!" said Sweetie Belle. "We could've spent the afternoon Crusading, instead of this complete..." she glanced at her flank, which was still unmarked, "...complete waste of time!"
"You're teaching foals just like you about the dangers of drugs. Isn't that its own reward?" he asked, tousling Sweetie Belle's mane.
"Well there's only one way ta drown mah sorrows" said Applebloom, "by breakin' into Big Mac's cellar an' swipin' a bottle of hard apple cider."
Flash Sentry cringed. "All right fine, I have..." he dug through his saddlebag, "..five pennies and a picture of Twilight Sparkle. Will that do for pay?"
"Pleasure doin' business with ya." said Applebloom, taking the goods with her hoof.
"Oh my gosh, you just got your cutie mark in negotiation!" exclaimed Flash Sentry.
"REALLY?" Applebloom's eyes darted to her still-blank flank. Her ears flattened, and her face fell. "That was low," she said with a pout.
